It Makes Perfect Sense
-or-
Blue and Back Again
Yoda loved his green youngling saber so much that his normally brown skin shifted and contorted in attempt to match its glowing blade. He looked out at the stars racing by in streaks and pontificated on whether he was flying really fast, or the possibility that space was passing him by. The Sith were on his tail. He cut it off with a quick reach-around with his saber, but it never helped. They already knew his name.
The force slapped Yoda's green face with unexplained warnings. He slammed the brakes on his space ship, the 'Yellow Orb', which was named after its appearance, since it was grey and triangular. Hovering in space over the swampy, misty planet, Yoda sensed a disturbance in the force, as though several thousand insects cried out in terror, and were suddenly stung and generally pestered by a rowdy group of vengeful humans. Yoda could sense that a snake was stuck in a nasty pinchhold down below.
He pushed off from the wall and swam smoothly out into the stream of nothing, warm in his Jedi robery, reminiscing on the profound incorrectitude of Padme's observation in episode one that space was cold.
The steamy, sweltering quagmire commonly referred to as Dagobah (and even more commonly called "Where?") lapped at his face, tickled his hair follicles with streams of thick atmosphere, eliciting a childish giggle from the little green guy. "Whee!" he yelped into the air with delight.
The rushing breeze dried his eyeballs, and when he reached up to rub them he tripped on a particularly pesky particle cluster hiding behind a cloud, and was sent tumbling ends-over to the surface.
"Concentrate!" Yoda hollered to himself, but his attention was stolen by the large beast awaiting the tasty morsel that was Yoda, its brown slimy head protruding from the water, its mouth opened wide.
It all happened so fast it was a crash bang boom stolen moment in Yoda's mind. All the space crickets hid their leg and wing violins and violas and stared in awe of the little stick that had broken Yoda's fall. A little misshapen, yes, but good enough to replace his old walking stick, to be sure. He would not forget the heroic walking stick that had risked its life for his hindquarters.
The swamp monster stared at him, confused as to how he'd shifted in his plummeting course.
"Oh, still hungry for Yoda's booty, hmmm?" Yoda asked. "A snack of Yoda do you seek? Take you to it I will!"
Yoda opened his robe and took on a flashy pose before using the force to snatch up his saber. He turned on the green blade and looked at it fondly, then considered the new stick in his other hand, and then again his green saber, and finally tossed the weapon aside and giggled foolishly, walking away from the water's edge. He searched his robes a moment, finally stumbling upon the squishy lump that he desired. He pulled out a small piece of candy and looked at its bubble-wrap package. "Chewy Charmy! The Republic's finest candy, yes? Hmm?" He laughed madly.
Popping the candy into his mouth, Yoda looked up at a mirror image of himself, only with red skin. Yoda smacked loudly, tossing the candy to the side of his mouth and slurping his drool so he could speak without spitting. "Live on this slimy mudhole, do you?" he asked.
"Mudhole!" exclaimed the red Yoda. "Slimy!"
Yoda nodded. They looked at each other and blinked.
"Actually no," Red Yoda finally said. "Pestering insects, I was. A surprise, I have, for you, Green Yoda!"
Yoda hopped up and down, alternating feet and clapping his hands together. "Leaves? Mmm? Berries? Mmm?"
"Pheh," Red Yoda scoffed. "A mutant craves not those things. A series of painful nipple pinches, bring to you, I do, old Padawan."
Green Yoda brought up his stick to defend himself. "When nine hundred years old you reach, not this old, you will be, eh?"
Red Yoda chuckled as he struck a pose and opened up his robe, allowing a small saber handle to float gently into his hand. He snapped it on, emitting a red blade that hummed the emperor's theme song.
Green Yoda struck his own pose, pulled open his robe - nothing. He pulled open the other side, and a small saber hilt revealed itself dangling from his belt. He stuck his heroic stick ceremoniously into the ground and turned on his saber, sending forth a blue blade with an electric crackle.
Red Yoda watched Green Yoda turn blue before his eyes. "Your days," Blue Yoda said, "faster than without a navicomputer, a trip through hyperspace ends, over they are, Darth Yoda!"
As Red Yoda stood trying to decipher the statement, Blue Yoda howled his war cry. The two mutants leapt into action, spinning, leaping off trees, grunting like fat swine in a grunting contest. Neither of them aimed to kill each other, merely to clash sabers and look cool in a stunning display of blue and red frogginess.
Red Yoda held out a halting hand, shouting, "Out, the time is!"
Blue Yoda stopped and caught his breath.
"Through with matching, you are!" Red Yoda shouted, and Blue Yoda turned yellow, but his saber remained blue.
Yoda stared in the mirror at his yellow face, in-raged and confused. He took the controls once more of his ship and looked out at the misty planet below. "Dagobah," he sneered.
He closed his eyes and concentrated his conscience into the force until his face turned pink then back again, then he got up and jog-hobbled to the mirror again, with aid from his original, run of the mill, unheroic walking stick. He longed for the heroic stick that would break his fall and become his lifesaver sometime in the next galactic five minutes. Yoda scowled at his face and took his blue saber into his yellow hand, igniting it. With a resigned sigh he drew upon the wisdom of Master Ziplock, then shoved the blue blade into his chest, where his heart would have been, were he not a mutant.
Master Ziplock had taught him that yellow, when mingled properly with blue in certain doses, would make the green he desired. He thanked the force for Ziplock's wisdom as the green once again returned to his skin cells, completely oblivious to the goings-on outside his ship. If he had been paying attention he wouldn't have slammed into that tree and gotten swamped in the first place. At least he would have the heroic stick to thank... again.
Yoda loved his green youngling saber so much that his normally brown skin shifted and contorted in attempt to match its glowing blade. He looked out at the stars racing by in streaks and pontificated on whether he was flying really fast, or the possibility that space was passing him by. The Sith were on his tail. He cut it off with a quick reach-around with his saber, but it never helped. They already knew his name.
The force slapped Yoda's green face with unexplained warnings. He slammed the brakes on his space ship, the 'Yellow Orb', which was named after its appearance, since it was grey and triangular. Hovering in space over the swampy, misty planet, Yoda sensed a disturbance in the force, as though several thousand insects cried out in terror, and were suddenly stung and generally pestered by a rowdy group of vengeful humans. Yoda could sense that a snake was stuck in a nasty pinchhold down below.
He pushed off from the wall and swam smoothly out into the stream of nothing, warm in his Jedi robery, reminiscing on the profound incorrectitude of Padme's observation in episode one that space was cold.
The steamy, sweltering quagmire commonly referred to as Dagobah (and even more commonly called "Where?") lapped at his face, tickled his hair follicles with streams of thick atmosphere, eliciting a childish giggle from the little green guy. "Whee!" he yelped into the air with delight.
The rushing breeze dried his eyeballs, and when he reached up to rub them he tripped on a particularly pesky particle cluster hiding behind a cloud, and was sent tumbling ends-over to the surface.
"Concentrate!" Yoda hollered to himself, but his attention was stolen by the large beast awaiting the tasty morsel that was Yoda, its brown slimy head protruding from the water, its mouth opened wide.
It all happened so fast it was a crash bang boom stolen moment in Yoda's mind. All the space crickets hid their leg and wing violins and violas and stared in awe of the little stick that had broken Yoda's fall. A little misshapen, yes, but good enough to replace his old walking stick, to be sure. He would not forget the heroic walking stick that had risked its life for his hindquarters.
The swamp monster stared at him, confused as to how he'd shifted in his plummeting course.
"Oh, still hungry for Yoda's booty, hmmm?" Yoda asked. "A snack of Yoda do you seek? Take you to it I will!"
Yoda opened his robe and took on a flashy pose before using the force to snatch up his saber. He turned on the green blade and looked at it fondly, then considered the new stick in his other hand, and then again his green saber, and finally tossed the weapon aside and giggled foolishly, walking away from the water's edge. He searched his robes a moment, finally stumbling upon the squishy lump that he desired. He pulled out a small piece of candy and looked at its bubble-wrap package. "Chewy Charmy! The Republic's finest candy, yes? Hmm?" He laughed madly.
Popping the candy into his mouth, Yoda looked up at a mirror image of himself, only with red skin. Yoda smacked loudly, tossing the candy to the side of his mouth and slurping his drool so he could speak without spitting. "Live on this slimy mudhole, do you?" he asked.
"Mudhole!" exclaimed the red Yoda. "Slimy!"
Yoda nodded. They looked at each other and blinked.
"Actually no," Red Yoda finally said. "Pestering insects, I was. A surprise, I have, for you, Green Yoda!"
Yoda hopped up and down, alternating feet and clapping his hands together. "Leaves? Mmm? Berries? Mmm?"
"Pheh," Red Yoda scoffed. "A mutant craves not those things. A series of painful nipple pinches, bring to you, I do, old Padawan."
Green Yoda brought up his stick to defend himself. "When nine hundred years old you reach, not this old, you will be, eh?"
Red Yoda chuckled as he struck a pose and opened up his robe, allowing a small saber handle to float gently into his hand. He snapped it on, emitting a red blade that hummed the emperor's theme song.
Green Yoda struck his own pose, pulled open his robe - nothing. He pulled open the other side, and a small saber hilt revealed itself dangling from his belt. He stuck his heroic stick ceremoniously into the ground and turned on his saber, sending forth a blue blade with an electric crackle.
Red Yoda watched Green Yoda turn blue before his eyes. "Your days," Blue Yoda said, "faster than without a navicomputer, a trip through hyperspace ends, over they are, Darth Yoda!"
As Red Yoda stood trying to decipher the statement, Blue Yoda howled his war cry. The two mutants leapt into action, spinning, leaping off trees, grunting like fat swine in a grunting contest. Neither of them aimed to kill each other, merely to clash sabers and look cool in a stunning display of blue and red frogginess.
Red Yoda held out a halting hand, shouting, "Out, the time is!"
Blue Yoda stopped and caught his breath.
"Through with matching, you are!" Red Yoda shouted, and Blue Yoda turned yellow, but his saber remained blue.
Yoda stared in the mirror at his yellow face, in-raged and confused. He took the controls once more of his ship and looked out at the misty planet below. "Dagobah," he sneered.
He closed his eyes and concentrated his conscience into the force until his face turned pink then back again, then he got up and jog-hobbled to the mirror again, with aid from his original, run of the mill, unheroic walking stick. He longed for the heroic stick that would break his fall and become his lifesaver sometime in the next galactic five minutes. Yoda scowled at his face and took his blue saber into his yellow hand, igniting it. With a resigned sigh he drew upon the wisdom of Master Ziplock, then shoved the blue blade into his chest, where his heart would have been, were he not a mutant.
Master Ziplock had taught him that yellow, when mingled properly with blue in certain doses, would make the green he desired. He thanked the force for Ziplock's wisdom as the green once again returned to his skin cells, completely oblivious to the goings-on outside his ship. If he had been paying attention he wouldn't have slammed into that tree and gotten swamped in the first place. At least he would have the heroic stick to thank... again.