What am I

Disclaimer: Characters and Premise are borrowed from the show "Buffy, the Vampire Slayer" and "Angel".

What am I to her?

A mistake? A moment of weakness?

Am I something she'll cast away when the pain of being torn from Heaven fades?

Am I something she'll regret once she and her friends have regained the closeness that they've lost? Something she'll pretend never happened?

What am I to her?

A punching bag? A drug?

Am I something for her to take out her pain and anger on? Something sturdy enough to take what she can dish out or just something with so little value that she doesn't what damage she does?

Am I something that makes her feel better for the moment, but something she despises herself for needing. Something to be kept in the dark? Her shameful little secret? Something they'll seek to cure her of?

What am I to her?

A crutch? A replacement?

Am I something to be discarded when she's whole? A stop gap? A temporary measure?

Am I his replacement or are we both just stand-ins for her first love? Does she miss the physical closeness he gave her or was that just what she took when she couldn't have Angel? Is it the fire that burned them both alive that she misses? The feeling of someone strong enough for her to lean on?

I've been his stand-in before, and been shoved aside when he came back.

I've been the second choice. I've been not good, but good enough for the moment.

I've seen someone through weakness before now and been left behind when health returned and excuse me if I don't want to be that again.

I'm smarter than that. Look at me and Harm. Who called the shots between us? Who felt the pain?

Oh who am I kidding? I never loved that brainless twit. She never hurt me, but she never filled the hole Dru left.

I gave Buffy my heart and she'd going to give it back to me in the exact shape that Dru did: broken.

Well, I won't have it. She wants me only when she needs me. I want her forever. Guess she'll just have to need me forever.

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