Part 26
William opened the front door of Buffy's house, then stood aside to allow her and Dawn to enter. Dawn grinned at him on the way through.
"What?" He asked.
"Your manners are so... so cute!"
"Great. Then they go with my shiny red nose."
"It's more smeary red now."
"Even better!" he said with mock excitement.
"Stop it, you two." Buffy laughed. "Dawn, you've had a huge day. Let's eat dinner, then to bed with you Sleeping Beauty."
"All right. I am starved - even if I'm stuck with the Doublemeat Combo."
*****
An hour later, they'd all had something to eat and Dawn was already asleep. Buffy had checked, just to make sure there wouldn't be any teenaged spying going on this time. William sat in the kitchen finishing up a cup of pig's blood that Buffy had picked up earlier that day.
Buffy plopped down on a stool with a sigh. "I should have known Dawn would find a way to get into the middle of things."
William sat his mug down. "Your little sis has an amazing capacity for getting into scrapes."
"Runs in the family, I guess."
"It was a good fight tonight Buffy. You kept your head."
"So did you. You saved a lot of kids at the school."
He shrugged. "Just doing what I could." He glanced at the clock over the microwave. "Well I can see that Halloween is now officially over."
"Why is it that every year, I end up in a life and death battle, even though it's supposed to be a slow night?" Buffy mused.
"It's just your fate, pet."
She nodded at that. "One more thing I need to learn to accept, along with bad birthday parties and friends skilled at resurrections."
"We all have our crosses to bear."
"Tell me something..."
"What?"
"What did Harmony mean about you asking her to pretend to be me?"
"Ahh." he stood and walked to the back door. "At that I think I'll call it a night."
She moved smoothly to block his exit. "You don't have to go," she said. "It's late, or early, and I know you must be tired after everything."
He stepped sideways. "Yes, I do have to go. You know that."
She put her hands on his shoulders. "No, I don't know that. I want you to stay."
His back stiffened. "No, Buffy."
She stepped closer and wrapped her arms around his neck. "It's OK. You're different now. We're both different."
He closed his eyes, then opened them and deliberately removed her arms. "This is wrong. I didn't want this to happen."
"I know that what we had before was wrong," she began, hurt filling her voice. "But..."
"It's still wrong Buffy. Don't fool yourself."
"I'm not fooling myself. I think I'm in love with you. Doesn't that make it right?"
He looked horrified. "No. You can't love me."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm a monster. I drink blood to live." He glanced at the empty mug on the kitchen counter. "You're better than that."
"But, you..."
"I'm only a step away from those vampires you killed tonight. They weren't doing anything that I haven't done. Things I spent over a century doing."
"You have a soul now."
"Yes, and so did Warren and Willow and those crackheads who attacked the school tonight. Having a soul doesn't free me from doing evil things. It just gives me more of a choice."
"I know that," she stated angrily. "I talked to Angel about this. I forgave him, and the things he did to me were even worse than what you did."
"I tried to rape you." His face was strained, his eyes stark.
"And he killed my friends. He tortured Giles. You helped Giles escape. You helped save the world. Without a soul."
"I was still evil Buffy. Remember what you told me? I'm beneath you." He took another step back from her. "I tried to drag you into that darkness with me, and that's the worst thing I could have done. I could do it again."
"No, you wouldn't."
"You don't know that," he leaned in, his face full of self-loathing, his eyes blazing. "I know what the desires of the beast inside me are. I can control them better now, but they're still there. I can't stop being a vampire any more than you can stop being the Slayer." He straightened and moved to the door. "Good night, Buffy."
She stood by the door and watched him stride away, down her sidewalk and out into the darkness. Her bottom lip quivered, but she refused to cry. She turned and marched resolutely up the stairs to her room. She opened her closet and reached inside to wrench the tattered black leather duster out. She sat on the edge of her bed and held it in her lap. She raised it to her face to inhale his scent, faint, but still there. She frowned and smelled it again. The duster smelled of tobacco and his aftershave and dust and his crypt. Just like always. She held it away from her as a grin slowly spread across her face. She would show him. Tomorrow.
She went to sleep with happiness still glowing on her face.
*****
The Magic Box opened as scheduled at 8:00 am the next day. Anya and Giles manned the store while Xander and Willow worked on installing a large punching bag. Xander stood holding the bottom while Willow attempted to loop the chain around a large hook Xander had attached to the ceiling.
"I can't quite reach it," Willow said. "Is there a taller stool here somewhere?"
"Don't think so Will," Xander grunted. "Try again. I don't think I'll be able to heft this up again."
"Too bad Buffy's not here."
"My thoughts exactly." Xander was nearly breathless.
Giles looked into the room. "Is everyone doing all right in here?"
"Fine!" Xander squeaked.
"Giles, can you hook this up? I'm not tall enough."
"Oh, certainly." Giles climbed up on the stool and attached the bag. "There you go. Right as rain."
"Thanks," Xander gasped. He looked around the room. It was done.
"Good work." Giles told him. "You should feel proud."
"I do." They all knew he wasn't referring to just the room.
The bell above the shop door jingled and Giles heard Anya welcome the customer who came in. He glanced out to see if she needed any assistance.
"I need a spell," the girl said.
"OK," Anya told her. "What kind of spell?"
"Do you have anything for retribution?"
"R...retribution?" Anya asked uncertainly.
"Yes. I just found out that my boyfriend has been cheating on me. I hate him."
Anya reached across to pat her on the arm. "Now, now. Hate is a very strong word. Perhaps you could have a mature conversation and work out a mutually beneficial solution."
"Screw that," the girl said. "I want him to suffer. He'll be sorry he treated me like this."
"Oh, no. I'm sure you don't mean that," Anya sounded panicked.
"Yes I do!" The girl was emphatic. "I wish his penis would fall off."
Anya's face crumbled. She reached a shaky hand to her pendant. "Gran..."
"Stop!" Giles yelled.
Anya looked at him desperately, "I have to."
"No!" He shouted. He rushed over to her and ripped the pendant from her throat. He threw it on the floor and slammed his heel down on it, shattering it.
Anya threw herself into his arms. "You did it!" she kissed him. "Oh, Giles. You did it again!"
"What?" he asked.
"You guys are a bunch of nut cases!" the girl said and stomped out of the shop.
Giles watched her go, and breathed a sigh of relief. "Anya, what did I do?"
"You freed me again!"
"Again?"
"Yes, you did it the first time, only you don't remember because it wasn't the same you, but you did it."
"Will you explain that to me later?"
"Yes."
"I freed you when I broke your talisman?"
Anya nodded happily.
"Then why didn't you just tell me that's what I had to do."
"Because D'Hoffryn would have killed you."
"This is the D'Hoffryn you invited to your wedding?"
"Yes." Anya rushed to explain. "He wouldn't have killed you himself, but there is a curse attached to the pendant to keep the vengeance demons from quitting whenever the job gets too demanding. Only he can break it willingly. If I told you what to do, you would have combusted... spontaneously."
"That's horrible!"
"But it's OK now. You did it on your own without my asking." She nodded at him with joy blazing from her eyes. "I'm free."
"And what about your curses?"
"Oh, everything is undone. The power is in the pendant, and that's gone now."
"Does that mean...?"
*****
Across town, sixty-seven teenagers suddenly materialized inside the charred remains of the high school gymnasium. Doctors later attributed it to mass sleepwalking brought on by post-traumatic stress disorder.
*****
Xander swayed dizzily. "What?" His face clouded with confusion.
"Xander, are you all right?" Willow asked.
"Uh, yeah," Xander looked confused. "I think I need to sit down."
"Here." Willow helped him onto the stool. "Is it the headache from last night?"
"No," Xander said. "I just... I just remembered..."
"What?"
"These feelings. I have all these feelings inside of me."
"Good ones?"
"Awful things. Hate and resentment. Anger." He looked at her helplessly. "What's wrong with me? I was so happy."
"Giles!" Willow called. "Will you come back here, please?"
"What is it?" Giles had heard the panic in her voice and his face was tinged with concern.
"It... It's Xander." Willow gestured helplessly. "He's confused and..."
Giles nodded, understanding. "Xander. You'll be all right."
"What happened?"
"Suffice it to say that Anya is no longer a demon, and all of her curses have been nullified."
"What does that have to do with him?" Willow wanted to know.
"Well, you see. I, uh, inadvertently... I..." Giles stammered.
"He cursed Xander." Anya said. "He wished that Xander would get over all his hang-ups."
"I believe the word was obsessions."
"Whatever. He wished it, and I made it happen. Now they're back." She moved to stand in front of Xander. "Are you going to call me a slut now?"
Xander shook his head unhappily. "No."
"Why not?"
"I just don't want to, Anya." He stood up and moved away from them. "I've been so happy the last few weeks. I've made plans for my future and," he looked at Willow. "I was moving on with my life."
Willow took his hand. "Nothing has really changed Xander. You're still you."
"But these people... My parents, Spike..."
"They are the same people they were yesterday. So am I. So are Giles and Anya."
"I can't forget what they've done."
"You don't have to." Willow took both his hands. "Remember how you told me that you would love me, no matter what? Even if I killed you? Even if I destroyed the world?" Xander nodded. "I spent the last four months learning to accept who I am and to let go of the hate in my life that made me do those things. Xander, you don't have to live with hate and resentment. Tara wouldn't have wanted me to go on like that, and I don't want that for you."
"I don't know."
"Well, I do know. You can start fresh Xander. You can still see things through different eyes. Just try."
He drew her into a tight hug. "What would I ever do without you, Will?"
"You never have to find out."
*****
Buffy stood at William's door. She was confident and happy. In her hand was a paper shopping bag with handles. She knocked. There was no response. She knocked louder.
"Just a bleedin' minute!" She heard faintly from the other side of the door. It opened and a very sleepy-eyed, rumpled William squinted at her. "Buffy. What do you want?"
"Why aren't you up? You usually have to be at school by now."
"Since they closed the school on account of the fire, I decided to sleep in. I'm a bit knackered. Had a big night." He looked her over. "You don't look too bad for being almost vaporized."
She pushed past him into the room. "That's because I feel great, and I wanted to tell you why." She lifted the bag slightly. "I brought you something."
He groaned. "Not this again. Go home, Buffy. I'm not going to change my mind."
"Don't you want to see what it is?"
"If it's the missing parts of that asinine costume, you can burn them."
"Oh, it's part of a costume all right. It's yours and I think you should have it back."
A look of understanding crept into his face. "I don't think..."
"You used to wear it everywhere. Don't you miss it?" She reached into the bag and pulled out the coat.
He looked at it with a mixture of fascination and loathing. "I... No. I don't want it."
"You left it at my house."
"I know." He turned away. He didn't want to look at it.
"Why don't you want it?" Her question was sincere.
"It is..." he stopped, "No. It was a... trophy."
Buffy looked down at the coat in her hands. "Did this belong to her? The Slayer you killed in New York?"
He glanced up at her, nodded, then turned away. "I wore that for over twenty years, proud of how I earned it - by spilling the blood of the Chosen One."
She stepped up behind him. "You're not proud of that anymore."
He shook his head silently.
"Come here," she told him. "I want to show you something." She walked over to the window and opened the blinds. The morning sunlight streamed into the room, enveloping Buffy in its brightness. "I noticed something about this coat. It smells like Spike."
"You mean it smells like me?"
"No. Like who you were. You don't smell like this anymore." She sniffed it. "The cologne is the same, and the cigarettes. You still smell like that sometimes. But this coat smells like a dead crypt..." She lifted her head and smiled at him brightly. "And you smell like sunshine."
He looked at her warily. "What do you mean?"
"Did you ever wonder why the Powers gave you the ability to walk around in the daytime?"
"So I could help you."
"I slay at night." She dropped the coat onto the floor and held out her hands to him. "Don't you see? They were telling you something. You don't belong to that world anymore." She tilted her head, begging him to understand. "You belong here, in the light, with me!"
Her words sank in as he looked at her. Her hair was a glowing halo around her head, her arms reaching out toward him. He took a step toward her, then another, then another. Then he rushed to gather her in his arms and bury his face in her sweet smelling neck. He held her tightly. If she hadn't been the Slayer, she would have been crushed. Instead she returned his embrace just as ferociously.
"I won't let you leave me again," she told him.
He kissed her. "I'll never want to."
William opened the front door of Buffy's house, then stood aside to allow her and Dawn to enter. Dawn grinned at him on the way through.
"What?" He asked.
"Your manners are so... so cute!"
"Great. Then they go with my shiny red nose."
"It's more smeary red now."
"Even better!" he said with mock excitement.
"Stop it, you two." Buffy laughed. "Dawn, you've had a huge day. Let's eat dinner, then to bed with you Sleeping Beauty."
"All right. I am starved - even if I'm stuck with the Doublemeat Combo."
*****
An hour later, they'd all had something to eat and Dawn was already asleep. Buffy had checked, just to make sure there wouldn't be any teenaged spying going on this time. William sat in the kitchen finishing up a cup of pig's blood that Buffy had picked up earlier that day.
Buffy plopped down on a stool with a sigh. "I should have known Dawn would find a way to get into the middle of things."
William sat his mug down. "Your little sis has an amazing capacity for getting into scrapes."
"Runs in the family, I guess."
"It was a good fight tonight Buffy. You kept your head."
"So did you. You saved a lot of kids at the school."
He shrugged. "Just doing what I could." He glanced at the clock over the microwave. "Well I can see that Halloween is now officially over."
"Why is it that every year, I end up in a life and death battle, even though it's supposed to be a slow night?" Buffy mused.
"It's just your fate, pet."
She nodded at that. "One more thing I need to learn to accept, along with bad birthday parties and friends skilled at resurrections."
"We all have our crosses to bear."
"Tell me something..."
"What?"
"What did Harmony mean about you asking her to pretend to be me?"
"Ahh." he stood and walked to the back door. "At that I think I'll call it a night."
She moved smoothly to block his exit. "You don't have to go," she said. "It's late, or early, and I know you must be tired after everything."
He stepped sideways. "Yes, I do have to go. You know that."
She put her hands on his shoulders. "No, I don't know that. I want you to stay."
His back stiffened. "No, Buffy."
She stepped closer and wrapped her arms around his neck. "It's OK. You're different now. We're both different."
He closed his eyes, then opened them and deliberately removed her arms. "This is wrong. I didn't want this to happen."
"I know that what we had before was wrong," she began, hurt filling her voice. "But..."
"It's still wrong Buffy. Don't fool yourself."
"I'm not fooling myself. I think I'm in love with you. Doesn't that make it right?"
He looked horrified. "No. You can't love me."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm a monster. I drink blood to live." He glanced at the empty mug on the kitchen counter. "You're better than that."
"But, you..."
"I'm only a step away from those vampires you killed tonight. They weren't doing anything that I haven't done. Things I spent over a century doing."
"You have a soul now."
"Yes, and so did Warren and Willow and those crackheads who attacked the school tonight. Having a soul doesn't free me from doing evil things. It just gives me more of a choice."
"I know that," she stated angrily. "I talked to Angel about this. I forgave him, and the things he did to me were even worse than what you did."
"I tried to rape you." His face was strained, his eyes stark.
"And he killed my friends. He tortured Giles. You helped Giles escape. You helped save the world. Without a soul."
"I was still evil Buffy. Remember what you told me? I'm beneath you." He took another step back from her. "I tried to drag you into that darkness with me, and that's the worst thing I could have done. I could do it again."
"No, you wouldn't."
"You don't know that," he leaned in, his face full of self-loathing, his eyes blazing. "I know what the desires of the beast inside me are. I can control them better now, but they're still there. I can't stop being a vampire any more than you can stop being the Slayer." He straightened and moved to the door. "Good night, Buffy."
She stood by the door and watched him stride away, down her sidewalk and out into the darkness. Her bottom lip quivered, but she refused to cry. She turned and marched resolutely up the stairs to her room. She opened her closet and reached inside to wrench the tattered black leather duster out. She sat on the edge of her bed and held it in her lap. She raised it to her face to inhale his scent, faint, but still there. She frowned and smelled it again. The duster smelled of tobacco and his aftershave and dust and his crypt. Just like always. She held it away from her as a grin slowly spread across her face. She would show him. Tomorrow.
She went to sleep with happiness still glowing on her face.
*****
The Magic Box opened as scheduled at 8:00 am the next day. Anya and Giles manned the store while Xander and Willow worked on installing a large punching bag. Xander stood holding the bottom while Willow attempted to loop the chain around a large hook Xander had attached to the ceiling.
"I can't quite reach it," Willow said. "Is there a taller stool here somewhere?"
"Don't think so Will," Xander grunted. "Try again. I don't think I'll be able to heft this up again."
"Too bad Buffy's not here."
"My thoughts exactly." Xander was nearly breathless.
Giles looked into the room. "Is everyone doing all right in here?"
"Fine!" Xander squeaked.
"Giles, can you hook this up? I'm not tall enough."
"Oh, certainly." Giles climbed up on the stool and attached the bag. "There you go. Right as rain."
"Thanks," Xander gasped. He looked around the room. It was done.
"Good work." Giles told him. "You should feel proud."
"I do." They all knew he wasn't referring to just the room.
The bell above the shop door jingled and Giles heard Anya welcome the customer who came in. He glanced out to see if she needed any assistance.
"I need a spell," the girl said.
"OK," Anya told her. "What kind of spell?"
"Do you have anything for retribution?"
"R...retribution?" Anya asked uncertainly.
"Yes. I just found out that my boyfriend has been cheating on me. I hate him."
Anya reached across to pat her on the arm. "Now, now. Hate is a very strong word. Perhaps you could have a mature conversation and work out a mutually beneficial solution."
"Screw that," the girl said. "I want him to suffer. He'll be sorry he treated me like this."
"Oh, no. I'm sure you don't mean that," Anya sounded panicked.
"Yes I do!" The girl was emphatic. "I wish his penis would fall off."
Anya's face crumbled. She reached a shaky hand to her pendant. "Gran..."
"Stop!" Giles yelled.
Anya looked at him desperately, "I have to."
"No!" He shouted. He rushed over to her and ripped the pendant from her throat. He threw it on the floor and slammed his heel down on it, shattering it.
Anya threw herself into his arms. "You did it!" she kissed him. "Oh, Giles. You did it again!"
"What?" he asked.
"You guys are a bunch of nut cases!" the girl said and stomped out of the shop.
Giles watched her go, and breathed a sigh of relief. "Anya, what did I do?"
"You freed me again!"
"Again?"
"Yes, you did it the first time, only you don't remember because it wasn't the same you, but you did it."
"Will you explain that to me later?"
"Yes."
"I freed you when I broke your talisman?"
Anya nodded happily.
"Then why didn't you just tell me that's what I had to do."
"Because D'Hoffryn would have killed you."
"This is the D'Hoffryn you invited to your wedding?"
"Yes." Anya rushed to explain. "He wouldn't have killed you himself, but there is a curse attached to the pendant to keep the vengeance demons from quitting whenever the job gets too demanding. Only he can break it willingly. If I told you what to do, you would have combusted... spontaneously."
"That's horrible!"
"But it's OK now. You did it on your own without my asking." She nodded at him with joy blazing from her eyes. "I'm free."
"And what about your curses?"
"Oh, everything is undone. The power is in the pendant, and that's gone now."
"Does that mean...?"
*****
Across town, sixty-seven teenagers suddenly materialized inside the charred remains of the high school gymnasium. Doctors later attributed it to mass sleepwalking brought on by post-traumatic stress disorder.
*****
Xander swayed dizzily. "What?" His face clouded with confusion.
"Xander, are you all right?" Willow asked.
"Uh, yeah," Xander looked confused. "I think I need to sit down."
"Here." Willow helped him onto the stool. "Is it the headache from last night?"
"No," Xander said. "I just... I just remembered..."
"What?"
"These feelings. I have all these feelings inside of me."
"Good ones?"
"Awful things. Hate and resentment. Anger." He looked at her helplessly. "What's wrong with me? I was so happy."
"Giles!" Willow called. "Will you come back here, please?"
"What is it?" Giles had heard the panic in her voice and his face was tinged with concern.
"It... It's Xander." Willow gestured helplessly. "He's confused and..."
Giles nodded, understanding. "Xander. You'll be all right."
"What happened?"
"Suffice it to say that Anya is no longer a demon, and all of her curses have been nullified."
"What does that have to do with him?" Willow wanted to know.
"Well, you see. I, uh, inadvertently... I..." Giles stammered.
"He cursed Xander." Anya said. "He wished that Xander would get over all his hang-ups."
"I believe the word was obsessions."
"Whatever. He wished it, and I made it happen. Now they're back." She moved to stand in front of Xander. "Are you going to call me a slut now?"
Xander shook his head unhappily. "No."
"Why not?"
"I just don't want to, Anya." He stood up and moved away from them. "I've been so happy the last few weeks. I've made plans for my future and," he looked at Willow. "I was moving on with my life."
Willow took his hand. "Nothing has really changed Xander. You're still you."
"But these people... My parents, Spike..."
"They are the same people they were yesterday. So am I. So are Giles and Anya."
"I can't forget what they've done."
"You don't have to." Willow took both his hands. "Remember how you told me that you would love me, no matter what? Even if I killed you? Even if I destroyed the world?" Xander nodded. "I spent the last four months learning to accept who I am and to let go of the hate in my life that made me do those things. Xander, you don't have to live with hate and resentment. Tara wouldn't have wanted me to go on like that, and I don't want that for you."
"I don't know."
"Well, I do know. You can start fresh Xander. You can still see things through different eyes. Just try."
He drew her into a tight hug. "What would I ever do without you, Will?"
"You never have to find out."
*****
Buffy stood at William's door. She was confident and happy. In her hand was a paper shopping bag with handles. She knocked. There was no response. She knocked louder.
"Just a bleedin' minute!" She heard faintly from the other side of the door. It opened and a very sleepy-eyed, rumpled William squinted at her. "Buffy. What do you want?"
"Why aren't you up? You usually have to be at school by now."
"Since they closed the school on account of the fire, I decided to sleep in. I'm a bit knackered. Had a big night." He looked her over. "You don't look too bad for being almost vaporized."
She pushed past him into the room. "That's because I feel great, and I wanted to tell you why." She lifted the bag slightly. "I brought you something."
He groaned. "Not this again. Go home, Buffy. I'm not going to change my mind."
"Don't you want to see what it is?"
"If it's the missing parts of that asinine costume, you can burn them."
"Oh, it's part of a costume all right. It's yours and I think you should have it back."
A look of understanding crept into his face. "I don't think..."
"You used to wear it everywhere. Don't you miss it?" She reached into the bag and pulled out the coat.
He looked at it with a mixture of fascination and loathing. "I... No. I don't want it."
"You left it at my house."
"I know." He turned away. He didn't want to look at it.
"Why don't you want it?" Her question was sincere.
"It is..." he stopped, "No. It was a... trophy."
Buffy looked down at the coat in her hands. "Did this belong to her? The Slayer you killed in New York?"
He glanced up at her, nodded, then turned away. "I wore that for over twenty years, proud of how I earned it - by spilling the blood of the Chosen One."
She stepped up behind him. "You're not proud of that anymore."
He shook his head silently.
"Come here," she told him. "I want to show you something." She walked over to the window and opened the blinds. The morning sunlight streamed into the room, enveloping Buffy in its brightness. "I noticed something about this coat. It smells like Spike."
"You mean it smells like me?"
"No. Like who you were. You don't smell like this anymore." She sniffed it. "The cologne is the same, and the cigarettes. You still smell like that sometimes. But this coat smells like a dead crypt..." She lifted her head and smiled at him brightly. "And you smell like sunshine."
He looked at her warily. "What do you mean?"
"Did you ever wonder why the Powers gave you the ability to walk around in the daytime?"
"So I could help you."
"I slay at night." She dropped the coat onto the floor and held out her hands to him. "Don't you see? They were telling you something. You don't belong to that world anymore." She tilted her head, begging him to understand. "You belong here, in the light, with me!"
Her words sank in as he looked at her. Her hair was a glowing halo around her head, her arms reaching out toward him. He took a step toward her, then another, then another. Then he rushed to gather her in his arms and bury his face in her sweet smelling neck. He held her tightly. If she hadn't been the Slayer, she would have been crushed. Instead she returned his embrace just as ferociously.
"I won't let you leave me again," she told him.
He kissed her. "I'll never want to."