This is take five of my attempt to write this story (This time it's not my fault – the format I tried stuffed up)…although this IS the same first chapter as in my last three tries. This no longer has ANYTHING to do with my Azkaban Poem. The rating is for language in this chapter and disturbing thoughts in the next. I don't own anything to do with Harry Potter including Azkaban (*in sarcastic voice* What a pity!) and Sirius Black (Damn Damn Damn!!!!!) Sorry for any inconveniences caused by my indecisiveness. I'm sorry this is hard to read – It's fine in the font I've got it in at home – except Fanfiction.net's only using one font (and a font in 8.5 at that) and it's not spaced out enough that you can read it. Sorry. So…It is with great pleasure and without further ado that I present…
Searching for Black (Take V)
Chapter 1: I will laugh
I hate this fucking place. This fucking room where all I can do is sit and listen to silence…or pace and listen to the dreary beat of my tired feet. Every now and then I can listen to the other prisoners scream…but that's not much better than silence. I'm sick and tired of no one hearing…no one listening…how many other people in this place are innocent? Am I truly innocent? I got myself into this fucking place. I told them to use that fucking traitor of a rat…never liked rats anyway…instead of me because I thought HE would never think we'd trust IT with such an…important…no, that's an understatement…with such a…I can't think of a fucking word expressive enough…never thought we'd trust IT with a secret. It's my fucking fault and I'm fucking paying for it. Paying every day with a little bit more of my sanity…a little bit more of the fucking mind that got me into this fucking mess in the first place. If only someone would hear…look there goes a little more sanity…who stops to listen to anything more than their own twisted thoughts in this place? And who dares to stop and listen from the outside? Even she wouldn't listen to me in here…if she hadn't died too. It's so fucking quiet in here! Just that heavy, fear impregnated, leeching silence is enough to send any man insane…let alone one filled with such fucking guilt. Oh technically I'm innocent, because technically I haven't killed anyone. Bull Shit. And to think I laughed! To think I fucking laughed. I never knew, did I? Oh no! I'm bloody Sirius Black the invincible! No stupid old Azkaban is going to get me down! Hah! One day I'll get IT! One day I'll pay IT back for this. One day…I'll make IT feel what it's like to loose a little bit of you mind, a little bit of your sanity, a little bit more of your humanity every day. If IT even had any to begin with. I can just see myself…twisting ITS body just as HE has twisted its mind. Though I must ask myself whether ITS mind wasn't twisted before HE gained power over IT. Or was IT HIS servant all along? Was ITS apparent friendship with us a carefully formulated plan? Fuck fuck fuck! One day I'll get out of here! One day I'll recover what I've lost in here! One day I'll show them both what they've done. Some day soon…I will laugh…
AUTHOR NOTE TIME!!!!!!!!
Thanx to those who reviewed my first two attempts at this – I've forgotten who you all are. To Rocky who reviewed my last one – Thanx for the constructive critique. I've asked myself the same questions but the short chapters are because of using multiple points of view. This chapter also Didn't seem quite the same without the swearing – I tried to cut some out but it didn't work. Paragraphs didn't work either – mainly because it was a rant that I wrote when I was in a bad mood and then edtited later – rants tend to come out with lots of swearing and most definitely NOT in paragraphs. Thanx all the same.
Love and tiny sugarplum faerie-like Kisses
Clare – The Shadow Witch