The Scrabble board looked like it had been set upon by raging 'Word of the Day' fanatics.  Terms like 'quotidian' and 'nepotistic' filled nearly every square.  Currently, the final letters of 'quixotic' were being placed down.

"Hmm…"  Eddy was keeping score, having long since given up when it became clear he'd never win with 'cash' and 'lumpy'.  "That's a double-letter score for the 'X'…add the other letters…and the triple word score – ooh, wait, two triple word scores!  Geez louise, Brainiac… That's…uh…"  He tried to add it up, but soon ran out of fingers.

"Three hundred and six points," Edd breathed.

"Er, yeah, that's what I was gonna say.  That'd make the final score…let's see…528 to 237."  Eddy snickered.  "Man, Big Guy, show a little mercy!  You walloped Double-D!"

"Just call me Mister Smarty Toes!"  Ed shoved a spare tile up his nose and blew out to see how far he could shoot it.

"I lost…to Ed…"  Edd shuddered and rocked slightly back and forth.

"I've gotta ask, Ed – do you even know what kwicks…uh, keex-ot…that word means?"

"Sure do, Eddy!  The Quixotic Clam Man is the bold adventurer who battles the evil Windmill Octopus in 'Aqua Man of La Mancha'!  I was so scared I couldn't eat fish sticks for weeks!"

"I lost…to Ed…"

"And you said monster movies were bad for my brain, Double-D!"  Ed caught Edd in a headlock and noogied him.  "I am a super Scrabbler, huh guys!"

"I still say you cheated, Ed!"

"Aw, no way, Eddy, cheaters never tango!  I only used the dictionary like Double-D said I could – to spell words I already know!"

"I lost…to Ed…"

Eddy waved a hand in front of Edd's eyes, but got no response.  He grinned.  "I get the feeling he's regretting that now…"  He shook Edd vigorously.  "Wake up, Sock-head, it's over!  Aren't you supposed to be taking notes or something?"

Edd stared at him for a moment, then slowly blinked back to consciousness.  "N-no, thank you, Eddy," his voice was a hoarse whisper, "I…I don't think I want any record of this…"

"Suit yourself."  Eddy went over to the games pile.  "Maybe you'd like something a little less challenging next time, eh Double-D?"  He was thoroughly enjoying his friend's discomfiture.

"I lost…to Ed…"

*****

"It's taken us an hour to make these stupid characters, Ed."  Eddy grumbled as he set down his warrior figurine.  "This better be good!"

"It's a whopper of a doozy, Eddy!"  Ed donned his special Dungeon Master hat, made of newspaper and decorated with uncooked spaghetti 'horns'.  "But you're not done with your character yet!"

"What?!?  Ed, you've made us roll for gravy capacity, for number of toes, for – for resistance to dandelions, for cryin' out loud!  What more could you possibly want?!"

"Oh, you are done rolling," Ed toyed with a spaghetti horn, "but you still haven't come up with names!"

"Oh, right."  Eddy thought for a moment.  "Okay – I'll be…uh…Sir Eddyvar, the Stupendous!"

"Oh, very inspired, Eddy!  You must've really racked your brains to come up with such an inventive appellation!"

"Eddy's got apples?"

"Shut up, Ed."  Eddy glared at Edd.  "All right, Sock-head, so who's your character?"  He snorted.  "'Whiny the Obsessive-Compulsive?'  'Windbag the Never Shutting Up'?"

Edd shot Eddy a wounded look.  "Well…"  He considered his wizard miniature.  "Since he is an alchemist of the venerable, er, 'chicken' school of thought…"  He glanced at Ed and shook his head.  "How about Dr. Hendelevium?"  He giggled at his own pun, and looked at his friends expectantly.  "Hendelevium?  Hello?  Mendelevium?  The radioactive rare earth metal?"  He looked exasperated.  "It was named after the inventor of the periodic table, for heaven's sake!"

Eddy looked bored.  Ed smiled vacantly, then yelled, "I know!  You can be Captain Clucky!"  He patted Edd's figurine.  "Cluck-cluck-cluck!"

Edd sighed.  "Very well, Ed, Captain Clucky it is."  He set his piece down.  "Now, can we please begin?"

"Okey dokey, Oklahoma!"  Ed's eyes went unfocused for a moment as he pondered the opening scene.  "Okay!  You are…uh…in a cave!  And – and suddenly you come across a huge, spooky, evil…um…bowl of baked beans!"  He waited.  "Come on, Eddy – what do you do?"

Eddy rolled his eyes.  "Okay, fine, Ed, I take the stupid beans."

Ed loaded his mouth with multi-sided dice and spat them onto the ground.  Without bothering to watch them land, he cried, "Oh no!  The bowl of baked beans turns out to be a ravenous gopher-demon in disguise!  He waves his scaly paws in the air and devours Sir Eddyvar whole!"  He turned towards Edd.  "Your move, Captain Clucky!"

Edd blinked.  "Well, I-I suppose I could – "

"Too late!  Captain Clucky falls prey to the merciless hunger of the ferocious gopher-demon!  You are both dead!  The end!"  Ed laughed.  "Good game, huh guys!"

Edd blinked again, then scribbled in his notebook, 'Include elements to control for overactive imaginations.'

Eddy poked at his figurine.  "Man, I wish this sword was real…"

*****

"Now here's a quality game!"  Edd picked up a copy of Trivial Pursuit. "Though I must admit, Ed, I'm rather surprised to find it in amongst your collection."

"Oh, that one's a real disappointment, Double-D.  Those pie pieces you get for winning a question don't taste homemade at all!"

Eddy made a face.  "Forget it, Sock-head, no way are me and Ed playing 'Genius Edition' anything against you.  Uh, not that we couldn't, of course," he quickly added, "it's just that we, er, don't want a repeat of that little Scrabble incident."  He snickered.

Edd looked down at the box in his hands, then back up at Eddy.  "No, Eddy, it doesn't say 'Genius' edition, that's Genus, see?  It means…"  He trailed off, watching Eddy cheer Ed on as he attempted to shove his TV into his ear.  He blinked.  Without another word, he returned Trivial Pursuit to the pile and picked another game.

*****

"I love the game of Life!"  Eddy spun the dial.  "Any game where the winner's the one with the most money at the end has got the right idea!  Ha, Retirement!"  He moved his car.  "Time to count up the cash!"

Edd glanced down and quickly tallied up his money, while Ed had to remove his shoes and count on his toes.  Eddy was still counting when his friends finished.

"Seven million, nine-hundred ninety-nine thousand, nine-hundred and ninety-nine…eight million…eight million and one…"

Edd watched for a moment, then drew out his notebook.  "'Include severe penalties for cheating'…"

*****

"No, Ed, wait!"  Edd tried to pull Ed's game piece from him.

"Gingerbread man, Double-D!"  Ed stuffed the Candyland token into his mouth and swallowed.  He followed it up with the 'Gumdrop Mountains' game card, then took a big bite out of the board itself.  "Mmm, pepperminty!"

"'Avoid food-related metaphors'…"  Edd tucked his notebook back into his pocket and braced himself for their next game.

*****

"Such an ingenious design!"  Edd leaned over the little plastic assemblage, thoroughly intrigued.  He turned the crank, once more setting in motion the convoluted series of events that would ultimately result in a trapped mouse.  He watched with delight.  "A true masterpiece of Rube Goldberg machinery!"

Eddy yawned.  "Come on, Double-D, you've been playing with that stupid Mouse Trap for twenty minutes now!  Me and Ed are bored!"

"Arf!"  Over in the corner, Ed was making the mouse-shaped game pieces 'talk' to one another.  "Mousey want a piece of cheese?"  He reached into his pocket and brought out a grey, fuzzy lump that might at one time have been of the dairy family.

Eddy gagged.  "That's it!  Put it away, Double-D, we're done with Mouse Trap!"

"Just once more, Eddy, it's such a – " Edd flinched as Eddy stomped over and kicked the board, sending pieces flying everywhere.  The little diving man struck him squarely in the forehead.  "Uh, why don't I put away the game now…"

"And gimme that!"  Eddy snatched Edd's notebook and scribbled, 'No science-nerd stuff'.

*****

"Come on, guys, let me play!"  Ed's lower lip quivered.  "Please?  Please?  I want to play!"

"It's a two-player game, Monobrow!  Wait your turn!"  Eddy pushed a checker to the edge of the board.  "Ha!  King me, Sock-head!"

"Very good, Eddy, your first king!"  The board was covered with double-decked red kings, and now a lone black one joined the tableau.

"Are you done yet?  Huh?  How about now?"  Ed bounced impatiently.  "Come on, guys, please can I have a – "

A shrill voice lashed through the air.  "ED!"  All three friends stiffened at the sound.  The door to Ed's room flew open, and Sarah stomped in.  She surveyed the scene.  "What are you guys doing?"

"N-nothing, adorable little sister!"  Ed crawled under the checkerboard, sending pieces sliding off.  "Don't tell Mom, okay?"

"Don't tell Mom what?"  Sarah grinned wickedly.  "That you spent the whole morning down here playing GAMES when you were supposed to be cleaning your room?"

"It wasn't my fault, Sarah, honest!  I did not want to play!  I am a good boy!"

Sarah looked down at the game board.  Her disposition brightened immediately.  "Checkers?" she squealed.  "I love checkers!"  She shoved Eddy out of the way and took his place.  "Come on, let's play!  Set up the board, Double-D!"

Eddy leaned against Sarah and tried to push her out of his spot.  "Get lost, Sarah – urgh – I'm playing!"

Sarah refused to budge.  "Take a hike, Eddy – I wanna play, and I wanna play now!"  She turned back towards the board.  "Well?  What are you waiting for?!  Set up the board, Double-D!"

Edd sweated nervously.  "Uh…you know, I do believe we have a lot of cleaning to attend to right now, Sarah…"  He got up and backed towards his friends.

"Ed!  Make your stupid friend play with me or I'm telling Mom!"

Eyes ringed, Ed collared Edd and sat him back down.  "Play with Sarah, Double-D, please!"

"Really, Ed, I don't want – " he swallowed hard as he noticed that Sarah was on the verge of eruption.  "W-well, I suppose we have time for one quick game…"  He shakily placed the checkers on the board.

Ed and Eddy stood as far away from Sarah as they could.  They winced as Sarah smashed a fist down over Edd's hand when he started to make his first move.

"I'm going first, Double-D!  And turn this board around – I'm always red!"

"V-very well…"  Nursing his injured hand, Edd darted a pleading look back towards his friends.

"Uh, Double-D, don't we have to get going now?"  Eddy edged towards the door.  "We've got a lot of work to do on that game of ours – and besides, we're interrupting Ed's cleaning!"

"NO!  Don't leave, Eddy!"  Ed threw himself on the ground, hugging Eddy's legs.  "Sarah's bad for Ed!"

"Double-D's not going anywhere!"  Turning back towards Edd, Sarah flashed a coy smile that quickly dissolved back into her usual scowl.  "It's your move!"  She fumed with impatience.  "GO!"

Edd looked wistfully towards the door, then over at his sobbing friend.  He sighed.  "Eddy, we can't leave Ed in this predicament, I'll simply have to play it through."  He reached tentatively towards a checker, ready to snatch his hand back at the first sign of danger.

Moments later, Ed and Eddy leapt beneath the bed as checkers went flying around the room.  Edd made to follow them, but recoiled as he caught sight of a large, hairy foot retreating into the shadows.  Eddy grabbed hold of Edd's legs and yanked him under, just as a checker whizzed through the air where his head had been and embedded itself in the wall behind.

"Well, that was predictable!"  Eddy snorted in disgust.  "Just couldn't let Sarah win, could you?"

"I-I apologize, Eddy, I really was suffering from a dearth of common sense just then."  Edd curled into an even tighter ball, trying to shrink away from the pulpy, unidentifiable mass that took up much of the space beneath the bed.  "It's just not in my nature to deliberately operate at sub-standard levels of performance, regardless of the consequences."

"Yeah, well, you'd better hope Sarah runs out of checkers before we all get 'consequenced' to death!"  He jumped as something furry brushed against his arm.  "Ed!  What the heck's under here with us?!"

Ed sucked in a breath as he heard a chittering growl rising up from behind him.  "Barney!"  He squirmed with delight.  "Guys, my badger is back!"  Reaching over his friends, he tried to catch his fugitive pet.

"A badger?  Ed, badgers are ill-tempered, unhygienic, carnivorous wild animals, certainly not suited for – " Edd gasped as Ed was yanked back into the corner.  "Ed?"

Eddy scrabbled desperately as something dug into his legs and began pulling him backwards.  "Double-D!!"  Clawing at the floor, he too was dragged off into the depths.

"Oh my!"  Edd started to crawl out from beneath the bed, but was temporarily halted by a barrage of checkers.  Before he could escape, 'Barney' grabbed him and hauled him back.  "ED!!"

"Aw, don't worry, Double-D, he's just playing!"

"AAIGH!!"

The bed shook wildly as the badger expressed its feelings over the invasion of its lair.  Sarah stopped hurling checkers and settled back to watch the show.  It seemed that there were some things almost as good as getting her brother in trouble.  Almost.