"Hello?  Ed?"  Edd rang the bell again and waited.  "Is there anybody home?"

"Hey, Double-D!"  Eddy strolled up.  "Where's Ed?"

"I'm not sure, Eddy, he doesn't appear to be answering his – " Edd jumped back in alarm as something large, striped, and flapping dropped off the roof and landed on Eddy.  He gave a relieved sigh and put a hand to his heart as he realized what it was.  "Ed, please, I don't think my nerves can take many more horrific shocks this summer…"

"ED!"  Eddy shoved him off his back.  "What's the big idea?"  He got stiffly back to his feet and glowered at Ed.  His anger soon gave way to amusement as he took in Ed's new look.  "Gee, Lumpy, you've…changed!"

"Call me Badger Man!"  Ed struck a dramatic pose.  "Defender of evil, enemy of justice!  No, uh, defender of enemies, justice to evil – um…"  He scratched his head, then tried again.  "Call me Badger Man!"

"You've gotta love him," Eddy snickered.

Edd shook his head in wonder.  "Yes, well, be that as it may…I believe we had other business to which to attend?"  He held up his game.  "I can't help but notice that you don't seem to have brought anything with you, Eddy."

"Yeah, well, um, it's all up here, Double-D."  Eddy tapped his forehead and tried to look inspired.  "And besides, I didn't want to, uh, infect on your, er, freedom of espresso…so I thought I'd let you show off your little game first…yeah."

"Oh, that's very kind of you, Eddy!"  Edd raised an eyebrow.  "But are you sure it's not actually because you frivolously squandered this last hour, thoughtlessly relying on Ed and myself to do all the work while you lounged around indulging in premature fantasies of prosperity, as per usual?"

"No, of course not, Double-D!"  Eddy watched as Ed pulled a ray gun made of salami out of his pocket and ran around 'shooting' at invisible enemies.  "I never expected Ed to come up with anything."  He snickered.  "But enough with the belly-aching, all right?  Let's just see what you brought!"

Edd sighed.  Taking the lid off his wicker carrying case, he explained, "Now, it's only a prototype, Eddy, so please try not to be dismayed by the amateurish appearance of the component pieces."

Eddy's eyes widened as Edd began setting up a game that looked like the crown jewel in a wealthy board game enthusiast's collection.  "This is a prototype?"  He picked up a miniature game token shaped just like him, detailed down to the chain in his pocket.  "Look at these pieces!  It's like seeing myself in a really tiny mirror!"

"Yes, well, I did try to reproduce the features of our associate cul-de-sac inhabitants as best I could in the limited time allotted."  Edd disdainfully eyed the figurines.  "But just look at them – the green of Kevin's shirt isn't the correct shade, I had to make the little Plank Jonny's holding out of balsa wood instead of oak, and don't even get me started on Rolf's unconvincing back hair!"

Eddy rolled his eyes.  "Yeah, you're a real letdown, Double-D."  As Edd looked down dejectedly, Eddy pocketed the Nazz figurine.  "I'll let it slide this time, though – so tell me what this game is all about, anyway!"

Edd brightened.  "Oh!  Well!  Now that's something of which I'm truly proud!"  He reached into the box and hauled out a rulebook that by all rights should never have been able to fit.  "I call the game 'Adventures in Etiquette Land,' and the premise is that – "

"What?!"  Eddy stood up.  "Etiquette Land??"

Edd was busy flipping through his rulebook and thus didn't notice the twitch developing in Eddy's left eye.  "That is correct, Eddy!"  He smiled proudly.  "I must admit, I was inspired by your, well, rather inconsiderate plan for conning our peers into purchasing empty boxes, as well as by Sarah's atrociously uncivilized actions of earlier this morning – I can't help but feel that this entire neighborhood could do with a significant bolstering of its social graces, and so…"  He glanced up to find that Eddy had reached a dangerous shade of red.

Eddy struggled to remain still.  "So let me get this straight.  I give you an hour to come up with a can't-miss game idea – an hour we could have spent slurping down jawbreakers if we'd just gone with my idea in the first place – and you come back with some sissy politeness game?"

"Yes, well – uh, m-maybe you would consider perusing the section of the rulebook that deals with physical confrontations at this point?"  Edd backed out of reach as Eddy went from red to purple.  "On the other hand, I can see my idea hasn't exactly met your expectations."  Looking nervously around for some distraction, his eyes fell on Ed.  "Perhaps Ed has come up with something more to your liking."  He tugged at one of Ed's 'wings'.  "Ed?  Did you have anything you wanted to contribute?"

Ed smiled broadly.  "Sure did, Double-D!  Hang on, it's in my Badger-Pack!" 

Edd sighed in relief as Ed reached around to rummage through the bright purple backpack he was wearing.  His relief was short-lived, however.

"Here you go, Eddy!"  Ed shoved a bundle of shabby red rags into his arms.  "You will look great in your Red Temper costume!"

"Ed, what the heck is this?"  Eddy made a face as he held out Ed's red underwear.  "Why are you giving me your Christmas – "

"And for you, Double-D!"  Ed proudly tied a tattered grey sheet around his friend's neck, then pulled an old sock with holes cut out down over his head.  "You can be my sidekick, um…"  He considered the now-shaking Edd for a moment, then snapped his fingers.  "Chihuahua Boy!"

"Ed's dirty sock!!"  Edd scrabbled frantically to pull the noxious 'mask' off his head.  When he had recovered his breath, he asked, "Ed, what in heaven's name does any of this have to do with the game concept you were meant to be developing?"

"This is no game, Chihuahua Boy!  Badger Man must keep our cul-de-sac safe from evil doers and vegetable oils of all kinds!"

"Oh, why do I ever get my hopes up?"  Edd swallowed hard as he turned back towards Eddy.  "W-well, it looks as though Ed has chosen to express himself in an alternative manner – one perhaps more in keeping with his unique personality…"  He forced a weak giggle.  "Loveable oaf…You just have to – gkkh!"  His words were choked off as Eddy grabbed hold of the 'cape' still tied around his neck and yanked him off his feet.

"Great.  Just great."  Eddy rested a foot on Edd's chest and glared down at him.  "Yet another perfectly good scamming day wasted, thanks to you and your stupid 'research'!"

"I apologize, Eddy, if you think our current state of affairs can be attributed to my actions."  Edd winced as Eddy dug his foot into his ribs.  "Please!  If there's anything I can do to rectify the situation, you have only to ask!"

Eddy remained silent for a moment, still angry.  Suddenly, a wicked grin spread across his face.  "Oh, I can think of something you can do…"

*****

"At the Copa…"  Groans and boos washed steadily over the stage as Ed, still dressed in his Badger Man finery, danced and sang with abandon.  He held the microphone up to his mouth.  "Copacabana…"

"Eddy, no, wait, stop!"  Edd tried his best to dig his feet in, but Eddy propelled him steadily forward.  "This isn't at all what I had in mind!"

"Of course not, Sock-head, that's why I'm the idea man!"  Eddy leaned in and pushed harder.  "Now quit your whining and get the lead out – Ed only knows one song and nobody else has signed up yet!  Get out there and show them all the fun they're missing!"

Edd fearfully eyed the stage, growing closer by the minute despite his panicked backpedaling.  "Eddy, please, you know how prone I am to stage fright!  Why can't you go on instead?"

"Yeah, right – I'm the sushi chef!  I gotta make sure nobody gets hungry while you and Ed are entertaining them!"

"For the last time, Eddy, thawed fish sticks wrapped in green paper does not constitute a sushi dinner!  For heaven's sake – look at our customers!  Rolf's the only one who hasn't turned green yet!"  Edd made a last desperate grab at a passing table before Eddy knocked him onstage with a rough shove.

Eddy followed close behind to block off Edd's escape route.  He favored the audience with a suave grin.  "Thank you, ladies and germs!  How's everyone enjoying their stay at Tokyo Eddy's House of Sushi and Karaoke Bar?"  He rushed on as the kids raised their raw fish sticks threateningly.  "Yes, uh, well, how about a big hand for 'Badger Man' Ed, hero of the karaoke circuit!"

Jonny whooped with delight and pounded on his table.  Everyone else stared stonily.

"Well, even superheroes gotta take five sometime – but never fear, Ed will be back shortly to give you more of that toe-tappin' tune you know and love!  In the meantime – is there anybody out there who wants to take a turn yet?  Only twenty-five cents a song!"  He waited.  "Still too shy, eh?  Well, okay then, it's time for our next act!  Straight from an engagement at the Peach Creek Library Lobby, he's your favorite and mine – let's give it up for 'The Extra D is for Delightful' Double-D!" 

A single soggy fish stick bounced up onto the stage.

Still facing his audience, Eddy reached a hand back and collared Edd as he attempted to slink offstage.  He snickered.  "Boy, talk about predictable!"  Eddy thrust the microphone into Edd's hands, then went offstage to fiddle with their makeshift karaoke machine.  He choked back the laughter as he picked out a CD and set it to play.

"Oh, how do I get myself in to these things?"  Edd couldn't stop trembling as he looked out at a sea of already-nauseated faces all staring at him.  He shook even harder when the song Eddy had picked began.  He looked wildly towards the wings, but Eddy was still standing there, ready to stop any escape attempts.  Taking a deep breath and trying to imagine he was somewhere else, he squeaked out the words of the song. 

"T-tiptoe, through the tulips, through the…tulips…Oh, who am I kidding?"  His overloaded embarrassment sensors finally, mercifully, putting his brain on standby, he collapsed to the floor in a dead faint.

Ed gasped.  "Oh no, Chihuahua Boy!"  He jumped back onstage.  Picking Edd up, he shook him vigorously.  "Wake up, Chihuahua Boy!"  He sighed in relief as Edd's eyelids flickered and slowly opened.  "I was so worried!  I thought you had fallen victim to one of Red Temper's evil plots!  Let's sing a song!"  Holding Edd upright with one arm slung around his shoulders, he picked up the microphone and sang Copacabana, oblivious to what was playing on the karaoke machine.  He was so engaged in his song and dance that he didn't even notice when Edd's head lolled back as he slipped into unconsciousness yet again.

Snickering from the side of the stage, Eddy settled back to watch the show.  It may not have been a very lucrative day, but it seemed that there were some things almost as good as getting huge stacks of cash.  Almost.