Bestest Friends: The MUSICAL! (Act 2)

Scene I: Keef's and Zim's Houses

A part of the stage, containing Keef's room is illuminated. Keef is at his desk with a diary, and a phone is nearby. Keef's painting is also visible; it's hanging on the wall.

Keef's Diary
Keef: Dear Diary,
Oh gosh golly gee!
What news I have to tell.

For Zim and me
Are close as can be!
We get along so well!

We've done so much that's fun,
Though our time together's just begun.
My happiness can't be contained!

We two have grown so close
And though I really hate to boast,
I think this should be explained!

Let me tell you of our times together, though I know that there will be more,
Since I know that we'll be friends forever, there's sure to be fun in store...

On the first wonderful day
We two friends went out in the field to play!
What fun, what joy!

Though I felt a bit of pain
When my head hit the ball, I can't complain.
Oh gosh, oh boy!

And the next day, we did paint
Zim and my paintings did outshine the quaint
Works of our peers.

They both were a testament
To our friendship, we did represent
Our pal for many years!

And I cannot wait to see
What Zim will have in store for me!
Oh, what on Earth will it be?

Keef picks up the phone to dial Zim. A second spotlight goes on Zim's house. The phone rings, but it's a 'musical' tone rather than a normal phone noise.

Zim, speaking: Hello?

The Phone Call
Keef: Hey there, my buddy, my very best friend!
I know the perfect thing for us to do this weekend!

Do you like the circus?
Zim: Well, uh...
Keef: Oh, that's great!
Let's go to the circus next Friday, don't be late!

Zim looks less than pleased.

Zim: Keef, I must tell you that you have done well
Rumors that I can't make friends have quickly been dispelled

Thank you, but your job is now obsolete
We should now part ways; your work is finally complete

Zim hangs up the phone, and Keef dials again.

Zim, speaking: Yes?

Keef: You'll love the circus, the lions and bears!
I know we will have fun being free from any cares!

Zim: Leave me alone, I want none of your 'fun'!
Listen closely. Don't pester me; your work here is done!

Zim slams down the phone. Keef's spotlight fades.

Zim, speaking: Gir!

Gir, in his 'serious mode' comes on stage.

Gir, speaking: Yes, sir!
Zim, speaking: I'll be in the lab. Do NOT let anyone in the house!
Gir, speaking: Yes, my master!

Zim goes offstage.

Gir Meets Keef
Gir: I must keep watch, and in addition
I'll guard the house, this is my mission!

No one shall pass, at least while I'm here!
And those who try have reason to fear.

I'll stay on guard, until the threat's gone.

The doorbell rings (like the phone, it's more melodic than a real doorbell). Gir reverts to his normal mode.

Oooh, I'll bet that is a leprechaun!

Gir gets his dog suit from behind the sofa and then puts it on. He opens the door and finds Keef.

Keef: I bet you're Gir, I've heard about you!
Poor Zim seems sad, and I worry. Do

You know
Why Zim's
Been so
Sad lately?

Gir shakes his head.

Well, I can never let my friend down
I'll stay here until he doesn't frown!

For I,
His friend,
Will try
To help him greatly!

Keef, speaking: I know what will cheer him up! We can make waffles! Everybody likes waffles!

Gir, speaking: Whoo!

Blackout.

Scene II: Zim's House, The Next Morning

Keef is making breakfast while Gir is eating.

Everybody Likes To Eat A Waffle
Keef: I know just what will bring our Zim
Out of his deep depression

For every human it's quite sim-
-ple once you've made inspection

Everyone on the planet Earth
Will aggree to waffles' worth!

For...
Everybody likes to eat a waffle!
There's not one who would say that it's awful!
And I know it will bring cheer
To my buddy Zim, it's clear...

For nobody could resist a waffle!
Not one would ever prefer falafel!
And once Zim has had a few,
He will feel better too!

Whether they're regular or bluberry
Chocolate chip, whole grain, or cherry,
Waffles will snap Zim out of
His unfortunate bout of
... Depression!

For everybody likes waffles, they're the cure for feelings awful!
And Zim will feel so much better once his stomach feels full!

Zim comes onstage and is shocked to see Keef.

Zim, speaking: Get out of my house!
Keef, speaking: You don't like waffles?
Zim, speaking: Out!

Zim pushes Keef, who is still holding a plate of waffles, out to the front door.

Keef, speaking: We can walk to school together!
Zim, speaking: I'm sick. I'm not going to school today.

Zim slams the door. Gir goes out and eats the waffles.

Poor Sick Zim
Keef: Poor sick Zim!
So that's what's wrong with him.
I wondered why he looked so sad.

Wait, I know!
If I can somehow show
My friendship, he will soon be glad!

Now Gir, I must
Be quite able to trust
That you won't breathe a word to Zim

He can't catch wise
If I want to surprise
My friend with a party for him!

A party for Zim, oh boy! Won't it be great!?
He will be better before it's too late!
We'll have cake and some ice cream; it will be sweet!
I'll bring all the kids to make it complete!

A party to end all, a party that's swell!
Just so that my best friend will soon be well!
He will be so happy to see everyone
Here on his doorstep prepared to have fun!

Keef, speaking: I'll see you after skool, Gir! Make sure not to let Zim find out!

Keef goes offstage and Gir skips back into the house humming the previous song.

The Surprise Revealed
Zim: Gir, what are you humming?
Are you planning something?
That tune is mind-numbing!
Gir: Uh, it's really nothing!

Zim: Nothing... or something?

Zim pauses.

But what could it be...?
It has to be nothing!

Gir breaks down.

Gir: You're too smart for me!

Keef wants to bring cheer,
And to bring you lots of glee,
He is bringing lots of kids here
For an after-school party!

That boy loves you so much!
He truly wants to make
It special, and as such,
I'm baking the cake!

Zim: Kids? Here? That cannot be?
We're in danger if that's true!
The mission's in danger, can't you see?!
Didn't that occur to you?

Gir, speaking: Yes. Wait a minute... no.

A heavy spotlight falls on Zim, and the rest of the stage becomes dark. A dramatic ballad begins to play.

Zim's Scheme (http://www.broadwaymidi.com/down/LM-OnMyOwn02.mid - skip first 3 verses)
Clearly something must be done
Or enemies
Will quickly show up.

Before this 'party' is begun
I'll make a feas-
-able plan just to stop...

This Keef-person's party.
With my scheme it shall not be...

I'll invent
A device to get rid of Keef
Of a bent
That will soon cause him to leave

I'll replace
His eyes mechanically
And when he sees
Some creature, he's
Certain to think that it's me!

And then Keef
Will follow some poor creature!
What relief;
I will not have that leech here!

Victory
Is imminent; I'll show it!
Keef will be gone
And I'll be done
With friendship, I just know it!

And he'll know
That he should not have messed
With the wonderful abilities of Zim!

He will go;
No longer be my guest
And I'll no longer deal with him.

His doom is
Only a matter of time
I'll lose his
Company; how sublime!

I know that
With my very brilliant scheme
I will not deal
With friendship spiel
It will just be a bad dream!

Keef's doom...
Keef's doom...
Will come this afternoon!

Blackout.

Scene III: Zim's House and the Immediate Surroundings, That Afternoon

A spotlight comes up on Keef and the loser kids, who are on a street near Zim's house. A brisk tune plays.

It's Time To Party
Keef: There may not be too many here
But our spirit will make up
For the lack of many a peer
And Zim's spirit we'll shake up!

For it's time, it's time to party!
I know Zim will be happy
When he
Does see
The panoply
Of kids at his front door!

Yes, we will, we'll party hearty!
Melvin: But do they cause any pain?
Or strain?
Will I remain
Somewhat sane?

Gretchen shrugs.

Gretchen: I've not seen one before.

Keef: Come on guys, it's fun to party!
We'll dance and play games and eat
Each sweet
And treat
That's replete
With sugar; much fun's at stake!

The spotlight fades, and another one comes up on Gir, who is dancing in the kitchen.

Gir: Whoo! The party's almost... startied!
I'll have lots of fun with Pig!
Dance a jig
In a wig!
With a... fig!
I'm also making the cake!

Gir gets ingredients out as the musical theme changes.

I will make the perfect cake!
For the party's sake I'll bake
A dessert so good and yummy
When it's placed inside my tummy!

I know what would make it sweet!
I'll add a pound of taco meat!
And it would never be complete
Until I add a pound of wheat!

This cake will just be so yummy
When it's placed inside my tummy!

Then I'll add a quart of honey
And cheese, just 'cause cheese is so funny
I'll choose a type that's French and runny
And some carrots just for bunny!

This cake will just be so yummy
When it's placed inside my tummy!

I'll add some taquitos too
They improve anything, it's true.
After I add a bit of stew,
I'll then mix it all up with glue!

This cake will just be so yummy
When it's placed inside my tummy!

As the music changes, Gir's spotlight fades and a spotlight comes up on Zim, who is working in his lab. He looks at a digital clock nearby.

Zim: No time to spare
I'm very well aware
That I must finish my invention soon.

I know that they're
Nearly at my lair
To finish up would be the greatest boon!

I will soon put to an end
This sad charade of 'bestest friend'
And I will no longer need to pretend...

That I enjoy to play all day
And I'll no longer need to say
"Gee, buddy, we are friends to stay"
Soon, all of this will go away!

I soon will be alone, and then
My mission I'll work on again
How wonderful it will be when
I've rid myself of my 'best friend'!

Zim grabs a package.

Ah, ha! My invention's now done!
I know it will be quite fun
To rid myself of that pesky one
Before the setting of the sun!

Zim leaves the lab and goes towards the living room.

In minutes, foolish Keef will be
A footnote in my mission's history!

The whole stage becomes lit up. Keef and the dorky kids begin to dance toward the door.

Keef: Now it's truly time to party!
Zim: Keef will soon wish that he had tried
Gir: I should add some cinnamon
Keef: I know that we will have a blast
It'll go fast
Zim: To have listened and complied
Keef: 'Till at last
Gir: And then I can really begin
Keef: The time's passed!
Zim: Instead of trying to confide
Gir: By adding just a bit of gin-
Keef: But we'll still have the memory.
Zim: And I'll be most satisfied
Gir: -ger; yes I'll put that in!

All: It's that special time: the party!
Now it's time to see what fate
Will create
I'll wait
At any rate
And soon we will quite plainly see!

Keef and the kids are now outside Zim's door.

Keef, speaking: I'll go get Zim. Make sure to yell 'surprise' when he comes out!

Keef opens the door and comes into the living room, where he sees Zim holding the package.

Keef's Diary (Reprise)
Zim: Keef, come, I've a surprise
A gift more precious than those money buys
One made by me.

Keef: Wow, Zim, you are the best!
That gift should be great, and I must request...
Please let me see!

Gosh, I cannot wait to see
What my friend has in store for me!
Oh, what on Earth will it be?

Keef opens the present and the two claws become visible. The curtain drops and the music abruptly changes as the kid chorus dances on stage.

Unfortuately Necessary (Reprise)
Kids: Now that this episode's a play
A camera can't just pan away
So we're unfortunately
Necessary!

So, while poor Keef's eyes are replaced,
By laws of decency and taste
We are unfortunately
Necessary!

Try to imagine the horror
That Keef will quickly have in store
While we distract
Sara: Unfortunately distract...
Kids: So, time to get back on track!
Sara: Necessary to get back on track...
Kids: Back to the act!

The kids tap dance off the stage and the curtain rises. Keef, with his new eyes in, looks hypnotized. Zim, looking pleased with himself, goes behind the sofa and begins singing.

The Trance
Zim: Keef, listen to me, listen carefully.
The next thing you see, believe to be me!
Zim, speaking: Now awake!

Zim snaps his fingers and Keep wakes up. he looks a bit disoriented until he sees a squirrel outside.

Keef: Zim, are you there? You look a bit scared.
You should be aware, I've got something prepared!
Keef, speaking: Don't go!

Keef runs outside to the other kids. He points to the squirrel-Zim.

Best Friends Forever (Reprise)
Keef: Guys, it's him!
This is my best friend Zim!
Zim, it's time to party 'till we drop!

Kids: What a waste!
We should just leave this place.

The kids walk off stage.

Keef: Zim, where are you going? You should stop!

Keef chases the squirrel-Zim offstage.

Keef, offstage: Zim, you're the best, you're so funny and clever
And I'm your friend; I'll be the best friend ever!
You may ask if our friendship we'll sever,
But we could never... we're...

There's a loud, short burst of music followed by silence. A spotlight goes on Zim.

Invaders Need No One
Zim: Foolish Earth boy,
Invaders need no one!
I find no joy
In any companion!

An Earthling best friend
Is no more than a pain
'Twas fated to end
In this way; I'll explain...

Irken invaders are never so weak
To allow for such pitiful feeling!
We focus on providing futures bleak
To those planets who will soon be kneeling
Before the mighty wrath of Irk!

None of this 'friendship', for doom is our trade.
We live
Not to give
But to conquer and raid!
And I know for a fact it will not be displayed
That we live to do anything but to invade!

You think we need 'love', but that is a lie.
We need
To succeed
Let the enemy die!
I don't want his friendship, he should not even try
I'd much rather reign doom upon the Earth and sky!

The kid chorus comes out and dances behind Zim during the subsequent verses.

All: All those who think otherwise should be warned
That Irk-
-ens love work
Everything else is scorned!
None should even attempt once this play is adjorned
To find Zim a friend, unless you want the friend mourned!

The entire cast comes out.

For...

You would be way off base
For it is not your place
To try and find Zim a new guest!

Invaders need no one!
Once all is said and done
Their one passion is for conquest!

Cast bows, and curtain falls.

THE END
'Bestest Friends - The MUSICAL!' is sponsored in part by Wacky Wally's Waffle Irons. Buy yours today!