by LonegunGirl
Category: Ani/Ami
Keywords: Anakin, Padmé, Romance, Vignette
Author Email: LonegunGirl@subspacemail.com
Summary: My take on the proposal, for whatever that's worth. As two lovers grapple with the ethics of politics, the future of a republic, and the reality of their own destinies, love becomes a lifeline through the tumult and uncertainty when Anakin asks Padmé to be his, forever.
Disclaimer: Anakin and Padmé and their various associates are the property of Lucasfilm, and the crazy brain of George Lucas. No infringement of copyright intended. I'm not making any money from this.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Padmé entered the bedroom chamber aboard the transport vessel distractedly, her mind filled with diplomatic language and political arguments and counter-arguments. Upon returning from near death on Geonosis, and still reeling from the onset of war and the emotional trauma of Anakin's injuries, Padmé had been utterly disheartened when an even more formidable task had befallen her back on Coruscant. As a a prominent member of the Senate with a central role in the beginnings of the war, Padmé had found herself sifting through the political debris left in the aftermath of Jar-Jar's speech in the Senate, and attempting to salvage some semblance of ideological cohesion in the wake of the Republic's sudden plunge into autocracy. As an idealist for whom the notion of pluralism was sacred, Padmé had been grateful for the timely mobilization of the new Republic army and the circumvention of senatorial deliberation on the matter, but she was none the less dismayed at the circumstances via which that mobilization had been made possible. The most discouraging truth for Padmé, however, was her own utter impotence in effecting any sort of change now. The reality was that Chancellor Palpatine had been granted emergency powers, whether she was completely comfortable with the prospect or not. She sighed deeply at the thought as the door slid closed behind her.
Having entered the room, she stopped suddenly, observing the figure of Anakin standing in the corner of the room. He was engaged, she realised, in a Padawan training exercise. In his newly fitted artificial hand Anakin's lightsaber was grasped, and Padmé watched, mesmerised, as Anakin gracefully swirled the ignited blade to block random lazer blasts emitted by a hovering ball before him. With a blast helmet obscuring his vision, Anakin harnessed the power of the Force to sense the location of each coming attack. The activity was an elemental Jedi training exercise, designed to heighten a Padawan's awareness of the Force, and as such Anakin had long since outgrown the game for its designed purpose. At this time, however, the integration of Anakin's artificial limb and the retraining of his neural pathways to accomadate it saw Anakin frustratedly revisiting his young Padawan roots.
It was a breathtaking sight for Padmé, aware of but untrained in the ways of the Force. The lights of Anakin's artificial limb flashed and glowed ominously, as he stood with his saber poised in front of him whilst the hovering sphere lay momentarily dormant. Then suddenly his metallic arm moved to his left, preempting a strike from the ball and easily blocking its green laser bolt. In quick succession, the sphere emitted a spray of laser fire as it darted sharply about Anakin, but the Padawan's reflexes were equal to the challenge, and Anakin blocked every one effortlessly. Then the device hummed softly, indicating the completion of its training cycle.
Padmé gasped in awe, and clapped enthusiastically.
A smile formed beneath Anakin's helmet, and he pulled the shield from his eyes to glance around at Padmé. He gave a goofy bow, and the smile on Padmé's face broadened.
"Ya know," Padmé observed playfully, "that whole slashy, swordy thing looks kinda fun."
Anakin smiled and retracted the humming, scarlet blade of his saber. Throwing his lightsaber absently onto a nearby chair, he bounded over to Padmé's side next to the bed, and rapped his arms surely around her.
"I can think of some things that are even more fun," he replied with a roguish grin. He lent down and decisively captured her lips in his. Padmé placed her own arms around Anakin's hips, completing the embrace. When their mouths finally parted, Padmé gazed up at Anakin innocently.
"Still," she continued, "do you think you could maybe teach me to use a lightsaber?"
Anakin furrowed a wary, bemused eyebrow at her. "Really?"
"Well, yeah. I mean, you could probably even teach me to be a Jedi. It doesn't seem all that difficult. And, ya know, I already know how to braid my hair, so that's like the first decade of training already down, right?"
Anakin grinned and drew her even closer to him. "You know, for a diplomat you have a tendency to be particularly infuriating."
The serious facade instantly dissolved from Padmé's face and resolved into a coy grin. "That's why you love me, isn't it?"
By way of an answer Anakin leant into Padmé again and tenderly brushed her lips with his. Padmé closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. Instantly, all hint of humor and playful flirting were gone, leaving instead in their place a comfortable intimacy.
"Seriously though," she began again more gently when they broke away. "Your reflexivity and agility seem to be really improving." She gestured with her eyes toward the mechanical arm around her waist.
Anakin cocked his head to the side and pursed his lips slightly. "When I'm around you, my darling," he whispered huskily, his face barely inches from Padmé's, "agility is never a problem."
Padmé's eyes went wide, and her jaw dropped in feigned outrage at his openly suggestive words. "Hey!" she protested amusedly, punching him softly in the shoulder. "Remember that you're talking to a Senator." Then she pulled him towards her and hungrily captured his lips.
"Sorry M'Lady," Anakin mumbled through the kiss. Softly, they fell sideways together onto the bed.
When they parted finally, Anakin and Padmé shared a tender smile. Then Anakin sat up and clambered to the head of the bed, where he reclined comfortably against a pile of pillows. He opened his arms to Padmé, wordlessly inviting her into his embrace with his earnest, gentle eyes. She happily crawled to him and eased her body into his arms, resting her head gently against Anakin's chest. When she was settled, Anakin draped his flesh arm lightly across her hips, leaving the other to secure around her shoulder. Padmé smiled contentedly at the intimate contact, and laced one of her own hands through Anakin's flesh one. She silently savoured the moment, safely encased in the warmth of her lover's arms.
"So," Anakin finally resumed their conversation. "Did you manage to get into contact with Queen Jamillia?"
Padmé sighed as the realities of her senatorial position returned to her. "The Queen was engaged in a meeting with Boss Nass, but I was able to speak to Sio Bibble. He was concerned, which was to be expected I guess. I've arranged to brief the Queen as soon as we arrive."
She fell silent for a moment, lost in thought. "You know, I still don't know what exactly I'm going to say to her. Hell, I don't even know how I feel about Jar-Jar's actions, and I certainly don't know how she's going to react." She sighed, and pulled Anakin's arm tightly around her, as though the warmth and security of it offered a level of insulation from worldly concern. "Jar-Jar certainly didn't understand the consequences of what he proposed in the Senate, and now the rest of the galaxy is left to deal with the fallout. I just hope the Queen can accept that."
Anakin considered Padmé's words thoughtfully. "I think Jar-Jar was right to champion the army," he finally offered. "War is never desirable, but certainly once Dooku's intentions were revealed, and his own droid army was uncovered, the mobilisation of the clones was necessary, if regrettable. I think Queen Jamilia will understand."
Padmé moved in Anakin's arms, turning over to gain more complete eye contact. "Oh, Anakin, no. It's not the mobilisation of the army in and of itself that bothers me. Although, of course, the idea of breeding a race of sentient beings for the sole purpose of fighting a war is..." she trailed off as she searched unsuccessfully for the right word.
"Disturbing?" Anakin interjected. "Gruesome, immoral?" he continued sombrely. He looked down at her gravely.
Padmé gave a small, rueful smile, as it seemed the only action befitting the moment. "All of the above".
A melancholy silence fell over them, as each grappled with the decidedly grey ethical realm into which their places within the Republic had thrust them. Padmé shivered, and pulled Anakin's arm more tightly around her waist, the warmth providing a level of comfort. Anakin was happy to accommodate, gently lacing his fingers through hers.
"But," Padmé finally began again, taking a deep breath and forcing herself to regain perspective, "I do accept that the army is the only means by which the Republic can be protected from Dooku and his allies. I'm a diplomat, Anakin, but I'm not naive enough to believe that this situation can be resolved through diplomacy. Not now we know the extent of Dooku's corruption and power, and his connections with the Sith. I do understand that there is a time a place for aggressive negotiations, and this is surely it."
A fleeting smile danced across Anakin's features at the ease with which Padmé had integrated his phrase into her conversation. She had taken his words and made them her own, and that natural synthesis delighted Anakin immensely.
"So it's not the Army itself, or even the war itself that really concerns me, but rather the means by which both were initiated, which is a far more insidious threat. When Jar-Jar stood in the Senate and asked the delegates to grant Palpatine emergency powers, he didn't understand that what he was really proposing was a circumvention of the Senate's critical role in the Republic's decision making process. In effect, the negating for the sake of expediency of the most sacred philosophical premise on which our galaxy is based, the renouncing of a democratic tradition that has spanned a millennium. In the instant Palpatine accepted his new powers, the republic ceased to be governed by a democratic institution, and all of the carefully built-up checks and balances of our system just fell away. It's quite a sacrifice. This is dangerous territory, Anakin. The maintenance of political pluralism requires constant vigilance, and I fear that what Jar-Jar has done will have lasting and unforeseen consequences for all of us. In the instant that the Senate voted on Jar-Jar's proposal, the delegates unwittingly, thrust our Republic into a virtual dictatorship." She then added, as an afterthought, "Potentially indefinitely".
Anakin glanced at her in surprise. "You don't believe that Palpatine will relinquish his powers once the crisis passes?"
Padmé took a deep breath, using the delay to chose her words carefully. She knew how much Anakin admired Palpatine, and it was true that she herself had held the Chancellor in high esteem throughout her career. But his willingness to circumvent democratic process had deeply disturbed Padmé, and she was now somewhat wary of his true motives. Dooku's assertion to Obi-Wan that the Senate was under the influence of the Sith also didn't help to allay her suspicions.
Padmé sighed wearily. "I don't know, Anakin," she admitted truthfully. "All I do know is that, if I had been there in the Senate instead of Jar-Jar, I would have played my cards a little differently."
Anakin considered this for a moment. "Well," he offered after a time, "you probably wouldn't have opened your address with the words 'Dellow Fellegates'."
He mimicked the hapless Gun-Gun's larger than life mannerisms, and Padmé giggled despite herself. The act lit up her face charmingly, and Anakin found himself enraptured by her sparkling eyes. Like everything else about her, Padmé's laugh was intoxicating to Anakin. He smiled happily, thankful to have distracted her momentarily from her depression.
"You heard about that too, huh?" she asked through her grin.
"I think the whole galaxy has heard about it by now. When Obi-Wan and I arrived back at the Jedi temple, the council played us a recording of the senatorial proceedings. It seemed so inappropriate at such a momentous moment, but it was almost impossible not to laugh. It was so absurdly hilarious."
"Poor Jar-Jar," Padmé murmured, "he was so nervous." Then Anakin looked on in agony as the far-away look settled once again on Padmé's features. "Perhaps we all should have been," she sighed, staring past Anakin and through the window at the edge of the room that revealed the sparkling lights of the greater galaxy beyond. Anakin reached out for Padmé's hand in concern, but when his fingers touched her skin Padmé flinched in alarm, drawn suddenly from her philosophical reverie. Anakin recoiled slightly in shock.
He met Padmé's gaze again and she gave a small, apologetic smile. "I'm sorry, Anakin, I was...just thinking."
Anakin studied his lover's face silently for a long while. "Padmé," he finally said, earnestly maintaining her eye contact and accompanying his words with a gentle, supportive smile. "What's really wrong? You haven't been yourself since we left Geonosis, and I know there's more to it than the fate of galactic democracy." He reached out and squeezed her hand again, and this time Padmé didn't resist. "Please tell me," he urged softly, his gentle eyes remaining transfixed on Padmé's.
Padmé inhaled deeply, moved by the sincerity and tenderness in Anakin's plea. "I suppose," she began guardedly, her voice catching somewhat in her throat, "that I'm afraid."
Anakin moved closer to her, placing a strong arm around her waist, eager to draw Padmé out of her silent machinations. "Afraid?" he prompted gently. Padmé nervously diverted her gaze from Anakin's.
"Afraid," she continued, easing closer into his embrace. "Of losing everything. The war, the republic...you," she concluded, looking up again suddenly at Anakin. Anakin stared in shock at the fervent apprehension in Padmé's expression, gasping unwittingly at the deep emotion her eyes betrayed.
Anakin pulled his arms securely around her, cradling her body that suddenly seemed so fragile. "Darling," he breathed in desperation, "I'm not going anywhere." He then pulled away from her and smiled down at Padmé soothingly.
"Anakin, we both know the consequences of Dooku's leadership of the separatists and the trade federations. He's motivated by the Dark Side of the Force, a perversion of the Jedi order. This war," she continued more intently, gesturing to the galaxy beyond the window with her hand, "it's a proxy war for Dooku, that's all. We know that the real struggle for freedom is not going to be played out in the galactic arena, but on a private stage, between the Jedi and the Sith. It's inevitable, and the Sith aren't going to rest until every last Jedi is exterminated."
Anakin looked at Padmé warily, but finally nodded his agreement with her reasoning.
"And," she added, "we are also both aware of the prophesy for which Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan championed your training, Anakin. Now, with this war, that prophesy is coming to fruition. The Sith are growing in strength and influence, and whether or not the prophesy is true, the Council hold expectations that their Chosen One will rise to meet the challenge."
"Padmé, I-" he began, desperately seeking to reassure her.
"Anakin, it's true," she interrupted, her voice growing to a feverish pitch. "And you will face them, because you're brave and noble..."
He smiled self-consciously.
"...and fearless to the point of blind recklessness."
"Hey!" Anakin protested weakly.
"You know you are, Anakin. And it's one of the things that I love about you," she replied with a smile. Then, with the strain returning to her voice, she added: "But it's also what scares me." She gave a small shiver, and Anakin was deeply effected once again by the vulnerability the act betrayed. He tenderly cupped her shoulder with his flesh hand.
"There's no denying Anakin that you're one of the most, perhaps the most, gifted Jedi ever to be trained by the Council, but even still..."
"What?" Anakin prompted gently.
Padmé shook her head, desperately holding back the tears that threatened to fall from her eyes. "There's no clause in the prophesy that says that the Sith can't take their Jedi conqueror to the grave with them."
She turned in his arms, allowing her eyes to linger for a moment on the metallic limb that lay at Anakin's side. She reverently stroked his artificial hand before lacing her fingers through his, which tremord reflexively. Finally, she lifted her gaze to Anakin's, and he was shocked by the tears he saw brimming in her beautiful eyes. He reached our gently with his flesh hand and tenderly cupped her cheek.
"What if I lose all of you next time?" she asked sorrowfully, all emotional guard stripped away.
"Hey," he soothed, smiling gently. "Padmé, I'm not going anywhere. And if and when I do face Dooku...well lets just say that Dooku doesn't have you to come home to when the battle subsides. If the thought of you, Padmé, isn't motivation to survive, I don't know what is."
The earnestness of his expression touched Padmé deeply, and she tried in vain to smile appreciatively. Instead, Anakin was mortified by a lone tear that rolled down her porcelain face.
Padmé quickly turned away from Anakin, suddenly extremely self-conscious. She had lived her entire life paranoid of betraying any hint of vulnerability or of emotional, human weakness. It had been essential throughout her career in politics to remain ever brave, resolute and strong in the face of adversity and apprehension. Now, with the love that had covertly penetrated her heart and slowly overwhelmed it despite her better judgment, Padmé felt her carefully cultivated emotional defences faltering, and that scared her, too. She was by no means fearful for her own safety or happiness, but now Anakin's wellbeing preoccupied her. She was beginning to understand the Jedi Council's disapproval of emotional attachments amongst its ranks. Love undoubtably introduced an element of weakness into even the strongest of hearts.
"Oh, I'm sorry," she started softly, attempting in vain to regain her resolve. Her words came out in a flood. "I know that it's irrational, and I know that you can look after yourself. I just..." her voice cracked as another tear transcended her porcelain face. "...It's just, the thought of losing you is excruciating to me. I don't know what I'd do, how I'd survive..."
Anakin found himself profoundly touched by the sincerity in her voice, and the pain that he had sensed in her eyes. The vulnerability betrayed had cut through Anakin like a knife, and he wanted desperately to allay her fears and doubts. That he was unable to do so hurt him more than anything. Anakin wanted to take Padmé in his arms and hold her forever, as at that moment her happiness and security were the only things that truly mattered to him. Anakin gazed at his lover beside him, and realised that in that moment, he loved her more than he ever had, with an intensity that he had scarcely imagined possible. The thought of losing her was for him, too, utterly unbearable. She was a part of him, now, and the loss of her would be the loss of his very soul.
Anakin decided then that he wanted to spend the rest of his life at Padmé's side, no matter the consequences, no matter the obstacles.
At the instant of that realisation, Anakin's thoughts began to crystallise, creating in his mind a sense of clarity the potency and sureness of which he had never experienced. Suddenly, his face wrinkled into a wide smile of utter elation, which in turn widened still, resolving into a broad, giddy grin.
When Padmé finally returned her eyes to Anakin's, she stared in surprise at the delight she saw there.
"What?" she asked warily, still wiping at her damp cheeks.
Anakin's only response was to continue beaming. The fiery sparkle in his gorgeous eyes was charming and irresistibly contagious, and within moments Anakin's grin had spread to Padmé's face as well, quite despite herself.
Anakin felt his own smile expand even further at the gentle curve of Padmé's lips, as he found himself enchanted as always with the beauty that was Padmé.
"What?" she demanded again, exasperation sneaking through her smile.
"Let's get married," Anakin replied simply, his eyes glittering feverishly.
"Huh?" she asked with amusement.
"Let's get married," Anakin repeated more deliberately, adding, "As soon as we arrive on Naboo."
Padmé furrowed a bemused brow at Anakin. "I have to brief the Queen when we arrive on Naboo."
"Well then right after that," Anakin continued excitedly.
Padmé observed the intent and determination in her lover's face, and sat up straighter, pulling away from his arms slightly in bewilderment. "You're serious."
"Of course I'm serious."
The sentimentality that had overcome Padmé now dissolved into her familiar pragmatism, and she frowned at Anakin, who continued to grin completely undeterred.
"Anakin, you know we can't get married. We just can't." A hint of lament was evident in her voice, and that was all the assurance Anakin required.
"Padmé, you just got through saying that the thought of losing me is unbearable to you. Well that's exactly the way I feel, too. I love you so much I can barely breath when we're apart. I keep telling myself that this can't possibly be real because I never dreamed I could be so utterly content. I can't stand the thought of spending a moment of my life without you."
He grabbed her hand desperately, his voice rising in volume and intensity. "Yesterday when you fell off our transport on Geonosis, it was as if someone had plunged a saber through my heart. I've never known pain so paralysing, and I never want to experience it again, and the most logical solution I can think of would be to pledge my life to you, forever. I meant what I said, Padmé - you are in my very soul. Now and always."
She emitted a small, rueful smile. "And you are in mine," she conceded softly.
"Then why shouldn't we get married, Padmé? Why should something that feels so right be anything but good?"
Padmé stared at him and sighed. She sadly shook her head. "Why? Because it can't work, Anakin, you know that, as much as we would like it to. Because you're a Jedi, and we may just be able to kid ourselves that the order doesn't forbid love, but the Jedi charter is absolutely unambiguous on attachments. Because I'm a Senator, and to marry a Jedi, no matter how much I love him and would give the world to spend the rest of my life with him, is an unavoidable conflict of interest. Because with our commitments to our respective work, we will never be able to be together. And because the galaxy is about to enter the largest and potentially bloodiest civil war in its history, the conclusion of which is uncertain to say the least, and to get married in such a turbulent environment is unwise and unworkable. And finally because I know you haven't thought this through, and this is just your reckless streak rearing its head yet again."
She was so rational, so in control, and those facts just made Anakin grin the wider, completely in awe of the woman beside him, and more sure than ever that his proposal was right. He reached out and lovingly stroked Padmé's cheek. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, affected by his tender touch.
"Well?" Padmé finally asked pulling herself back together and feeling slightly infuriated by Anakin's perpetual grin.
"Well what?" he asked innocently.
"Do you have a counter argument?" she prompted, in full diplomatic mode.
He sighed. "Just one."
"What is it?" she asked hopefully, her heart willing him to convince her.
Earnestly, Anakin grasped Padmé's hand in his, and stared into her eyes deeply. "Because I love you," he replied simply and sincerely. "I truly, deeply love you." He drew closer to her as he spoke, inviting her into a thoroughly intimate confidence.
She stared at him silently for a long moment, processing his employment of her own words. The retort was poised in Padmé's mind, that he was blinded by his love, but it seemed a feeble argument even to her, as she herself was afflicted by the same intoxicating condition. Of all the arguments she could think of, as she stared into the tender and inviting gaze of her lover the simple truth Anakin expressed seemed the only one that truly mattered.
She felt her resolve falter, then fall away completely. For Padmé, all of the pain and fear and doubt seemed to suddenly melt away, and she was lost again, helplessly and completely, in his adoring features. Freed in an instant of all worldly concerns, the glittering smile returned to Padmé's face, and she fell back into Anakin's arms in defeat.
"And I love you," she whispered, closing her eyes and pressing her lips lovingly against his. Anakin gladly returned the act, and the kiss deepened, lingering with an intensity of passion that left them both breathless. When their lips finally parted, Anakin looked at her expectantly.
"Is that 'yes'?" he asked coyly.
"Yes," she breathed.
The joy that graced her features was irresistible to Anakin, and he again found himself enraptured by he shinning eyes.
They shared an ecstatic grin, and then Anakin lowered his head to Padmé's again, capturing her lips tenderly, his arms rapping securely around her. Maintaining firm contact with her lips Anakin seized the initiative and, leaning closer into her, used his body's momentum to gently roll Padmé onto her back, his own body above her. Breathlessly, he broke away from her mouth, raising his head to look down upon Padmé as he carefully straddled her delicate frame. He smiled down tenderly, and Padmé returned the gesture, to Anakin's delight.
Reverently, he laced the fingers of his artificial hand through her silken hair strewn over the pillow, stroking it and sweeping it away from her shoulders. As he did so, he noticed for the first time a small, wooden pendant resting around her neck, carved intricately and suspended on a delicate leather tie. His eyes went wide. Instantly, Anakin recognised the necklace as the parting gift he had presented to Padmé as they had departed Tatooine a decade earlier. He had intended it to act as a reminder of him, and evidently it truly had. He could scarcely believe that she had kept it all these years, yet alone wore it, and the thought touched Anakin deeply.
Beaming lovingly, he gently brushed the exposed skin of her shoulders with his fingers, eliciting a small shiver from Padmé at the touch of the smooth metal of his artificial limb. Anakin responded by placing a reassuring arm around her waist, its firmness and strength offering a promise of protection and warmth. Her lover's touch was perfect, and Padmé wondered how she could have ever considered denying the both of them the magic of this intimacy.
Then he smiled playfully, and lowered his head to place a row of kisses across her shoulders.
As he moved meticulously from one side of Padmé's body to the other, his Padawan braid deliciously tickled her skin. Padmé writhed in pleasure.
Anakin passed his eye over her body below him, following the gentle line of her form, then brought his gaze to rest again on her porcelain face, and the eyes that always managed to capture him, helplessly. Anakin stared deeply into them, the devotion he felt voicelessly expressed in an instant. He pulled his arm tighter around her waist.
"What was that you were saying about being reckless?" Anakin asked, a gleeful sparkle dancing across his bright blue eyes.
Padmé stared up into them, and sighed contentedly. "I don't remember."
Anakin breathed in deeply, intently studying Padmé's face to preserve this moment in his mind forever. As he soaked up the excitement and love that she exuded, Anakin decided that of all the sides of Padmé he had witnessed - the noble leader, the idealistic diplomat, the determined warrior - the innocence and happiness she expressed then represented the facet he loved above them all. With her eyes sparkling in delight, and her soft features glowing charmingly, she was human. And she made him feel human. In that moment he wasn't the chosen one saviour of the galaxy, or even the most gifted Jedi knight to emerge from the ancient order. He was just Anakin, Padmé was his, and the moment was perfect.
When he did speak, his words were thick with desire. "No more fear tonight," he commanded gently.
"In your arms?" she asked innocently. "Never."
Anakin observed the playful twinkle in her wide eye, and the gently mocking smile that flittered across her lips.
Anakin smiled in response, and drew her even closer towards him. "You're making fun of me," he replied softly, his mouth barely an inch from Padmé's.
"Oh no," she whispered back, breathlessly. "I'd be much too frightened to tease a Jedi."
They shared a tender grin, and their lips met again. As Anakin held his lover tightly in his arms, and felt her soft skin pressed firmly against him, he wondered sincerely how anything could be better than this.
Silently, Anakin made a pact with himself never to be reckless again, for fear of missing a moment of this contentment. Then Padmé's body arched gently into his embrace, and the spell was complete.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
