Dib's Wonderful Life of Doom: The MUSICAL! (Act 1)
Note: I now have included URLs of MIDIs in all the cases where the song is a parody. Note that the verses are slightly different is some cases (it's generally pretty obvious what should go with what, though).
Scene I: The Cafeteria
It is lunchtime, and kids are eating in the cafeteria. Dib and Gaz are at a table in the front left of the stage, while Zim's table is in the front on the right side. The spotlight is on Dib and Gaz.
Things are Gonna Change
Dib: Why am I the only one
To know that Zim's really an alien?
Why haven't I... la, la... done
Something to prove the others' 'fail-ien'?
I won't let Zim stay around!
I'll show that everything I said is true!
He will soon be... um, uh... found!
As I won't let him do... them things he do!
Gaz, speaking: 'Them things he do?'
Dib, speaking: You know what I mean!
Gaz: As your sister, I must say
A bit of advice that I truly mean:
Just shut up and go away!
Because with you I don't want to be seen.
Gaz begins playing on her Game Slave.
Dib: Listen Gaz...
Things are gonna change!
Soon, 'fantazz-
-tic' things I'll... arrange!
I'll do something to
Stop them things he do!
Things are gonna change!
Gaz glares at Dib condescendingly. Dib gets a bit flustered.
Dib, speaking: Give me a break! Rhyming is hard, you know!
Gaz, speaking: Sure...
Dib: Someday I will take action,
And once I do that, I'll... la, la... feel
La, la, la... satisfaction!
And that result to me does appeal!
Today things will be diff'rent!
I will act, and this will change things for good!
I'll no longer be content
To let Zim act as he... la, la... would!
And this will be so forever!
Starting today, Zim really should look out!
I'll make a plan so... so...
Gaz, speaking: Clever?
Dib: That Zim will surely lose without a doubt!
I am sure
Things are gonna change!
Zim's tenure
Has been... la, la... strange,
But it ends right now!
For today I vow
Things are gonna change!
I know, Gaz...
Things are gonna change!
Certain as...
Dib grabs a nearby orange.
I hold this or-ange!
Though I haven't yet,
I will stop the threat!
Things are gonna change!
Yes, things are gonna change!
Gaz, speaking: Uh-huh...
Dib, speaking: No, really! I'm gonna... I'm gonna...
Dib finally looks at the muffin on his tray. His eyes light up.
Dib, speaking: Watch this, Gaz!
A second spotlight comes up on Zim.
I'm Normal!/The Muffin
Zim: Watch me! I'm consumin'
My food like a normal human!
It's so scrumptious to my normal boy belly!
Yummy! It's delicious!
So you shouldn't be suspicious
Of who I am. Children, don't you dare tell me...
I'm not normal! I'm normal!
I am so very normal!
There is no human more normal than Zim!
So don't say that I'm bizarre!
I'm as normal as you are!
To say I'm odd is going on a limb!
I love this skool meal!
This food has a great appeal!
There's nothing better than this delicious food!
My tongue can't get enough
Of cafeteria food-stuff!
So everyone must naturally conclude...
That I'm normal! I'm normal!
I am so very normal!
There is no human more normal than Zim!
So don't say that I'm bizarre!
I'm as normal as you are!
To say I'm odd is going on a limb!
Meanwhile, Dib is holding the muffin and preparing to throw it.
Dib: Oh, dear muffin of blueberry
I want you to pummel Zim! You should
Hit him very, very, very
Very, very, very, very good!
Understood?
Now, fly straight to Zim's crainium
And please hit him very, very hard!
So, muffin, hit his brain-ium
Hit his brain very, very, uh... hard.
I'll discard...
This muffin so I'll hit him!
Oh, muffin, please go hit Zim!
Zim: I am ordinary!
Dib: Listen to my pathetic rhyme.
Zim: I am so normal, it's scary!
Dib: Muffin, I will not eat you; instead
Zim: I'm a normal little human boy worm-beast!
Dib: Let me commit la, la, la... the crime
Zim: So just leave me alone
Dib: Of hitting my rival in the head!
Zim: As, I, Zim have completely shown
Dib: Like I said...
Zim: That all rumors that I'm weird should be deceased!
Dib: It's time that you served your purpose!
Zim: Yes, I'm normal! I'm normal!
Dib: So la, la... I will throw you right now!
Zim: I am so very normal!
Dib: I will not let Zim usurp us!
Zim: There is no human more normal than Zim!
Dib: Muffin, deliver a heavy bl-ow!
Zim: So don't say that I'm bizarre!
Dib: Then, somehow...
Zim: I'm as normal as you are!
Dib: It will let me save the Earth!
Zim: To say I'm odd is going on a limb!
Dib: Muffin, prove your muffin worth!
Accompanied by a musical flourish, Dib tosses the muffin, and it hits Zim.
Zim, speaking: Who did this? Who dares to soil my normal-boy head with this... pork cow?
Poonchy, speaking: That's a stinkin' muffin!
Zim, speaking: Silence! Whatever this is, I will find out who threw it! And this... thrower-beast will regret having shown insolence to Zim!
A spooky tune begins to play, and all the lights, save the spotlight on Zim, dim.
Zim Will Soon Have His Revenge (http://www.broadwaymidi.com/down/SweeneyTodd-BalladOfSweeneyTodd02.mid)
Zim: Now listen, you defiant one...
You went ahead and you had your fun,
But you will live to regret your prank
And for that you'll only have yourself to thank!
You chose to throw this thing at Zim!
Your future's grim...
For Zim will soon have his revenge!
Poonchy, speaking: But it's just a muffin!
Zim, speaking: Quiet, filth creature!
Zim: Sleep well, for you don't have much time
Before I punish you for your crime!
And this will be your last peaceful sleep
Before my revenge I am able to reap!
Your future's...
Your future's grim...
For Zim will soon have his revenge!
Poonchy, speaking: But we're not asleep now!
Zim growls, but continues with his song.
Zim: I cannot forgive how you
Threw this at me! Hence,
You will see, I guarantee,
My vengeance!
Your fate will be the worst of all
And I will cackle at your sad fall!
There isn't a thing that you can do,
For I'll stop at nothing to get back at you!
Your life will soon be looking dim...
Your future's grim...
For Zim will soon have his revenge!
Poonchy, speaking: But...
Zim screams and runs offstage.
Dib, speaking: Wow.
Gaz, speaking: Actually, that was kinda funny...
Blackout.
Scene II: Dib's Room
Dib is asleep. Two Meekrob aliens dance onstage as a soft, light tune plays.
Meekrob Aliens Are We
Meekrob 1 & 2: Meekrob aliens are we:
Beings of pure energy.
We've come so far
From our home star
To visit this child today!
We have come for a reason;
By fixing the mix he's in
We desire
To conspire
So that Irk's empire will fray!
As you can easily see,
Meekrob aliens are we!
And, so, we do come with glee
To give an opportunity!
Meekrob 1: We will give this boy the might
To put up a better fight
Against the Irk-
-ens who are work-
-in' to destroy both of our homes.
Meekrob 2: We'll make him faster, stronger...
And get him to live longer.
Though he's not yet,
He'll be a threat
When we enhance his chromosomes!
Meekrob 1 & 2: As you can easily see,
Meekrob aliens are we!
And, so, we do come with glee
To give an opportunity!
Dib starts yawning.
But, hush! We Meekrob should now be demurring.
For it seems the Dib creature now is stirring.
The Meekrob grab shoe suits from behind the desk, but not soon enough that Dib doesn't see them first.
Dib, speaking: Who... what... what are you? And what's with the shoe suits?
Meekrob Aliens Are We (Reprise)
Meekrob 1: Meekrob aliens are we:
Beings of...
Meekrob 2 coughs.
Meekrob 2, speaking: Aren't you being a bit redundant, old chap?
Meekrob 1, speaking: Whoops, forgive me. Anyway, Dib... Dib... whatever your last name is...
Dib, speaking: That's right.
Meekrob 1, speaking: We are the Meekrob.
Meekrob 2, speaking: We are beings of pure energy. This is merely a form your human brain can understand.
Dib, speaking: But you just looked like aliens.
Meekrob 1, speaking: But you couldn't comprehend that.
Dib, speaking: Uh, yes I could...
Meekrob 2, speaking: Never mind. We have come to aid you in your battle with our common enemy... the Irken empire!
Things Are Gonna Change (Reprise)
Meekrob 1 & 2: Because we're in the same boat
We would like to give your mission a lift.
We'll let your cause stay afloat;
To help, we'll bestow on you a great gift!
Now, for you
Things are gonna change!
Yes, it's true!
For we will arrange
To get what you need
To fin'lly succeed!
Things are gonna change!
Dib, speaking: But... how? And why me?
Meekrob 1, speaking: I'm glad you asked that...
You Will Be Great!
Meekrob 1 & 2: We intend to
Bestow on you
Strength and glory!
So that you will
Have the great thrill
Of a victory!
So, Dib, this is the deal:
To help you succeed, we'll
Grant abilities
So that Zim flees!
Meekrob 1: You will be great!
Meekrob 2: You will be great!
Meekrob 1 & 2: You will be great!
You will have superhuman powers before it's too late!
And we both know
That you will show...
The Irkens that you cannot mess
With Dib or Earth, unless
They want to rue their fate...
For you'll be great!
And we chose you
Because we knew
You'd fix the rift!
Plus, your huge skull
Was capable
Of holding our gift!
Dib: But what do you guys mean?
How will this... 'begeen'?
Meekrob 2: Stop! There is no time
For your bad rhyme!
Dib gets embarassed.
Meekrob 1: You will be great!
Meekrob 2: You will be great!
Meekrob 1 & 2: You will be great!
We'll hand you everything you ever wanted on a plate!
Powers you'll use
Howe'er you choose!
But we know that, what'eer your aim,
You will win worldwide fame!
Because, at any rate...
You will be great!
Meekrob 1, speaking: Here you go... have fun!
The Meekrob wave their hands in a 'magical' way, and a cloud of smoke appears in front of Dib. After a moment, Dib steps out from behind the smoke.
Dib, speaking: Hey, that hurt!
Meekrob 1, speaking: Ha ha... yes.
Meekrob 2, speaking: Well, now you have the power to defend the Earth like never before! Have a nice life.
Meekrob 1: You will be great!
Meekrob 2: You will be great!
Meekrob 1 & 2: You will be great!
Your efforts to defend the Earth will take on real weight!
You'll use your skill
Quite well, until
You've achieved ev'ry desire
To which you aspire!
Now, starting on this date...
You will be great!
The Meekrob dance offstage. Dib is stunned.
Dib, speaking: Can this be true? Is my life really going to change? Naw, this has to be some sort of dream.
Dib goes back to sleep. Blackout.
Scene III: Dib's Kitchen and Zim's Base
Gaz is at the kitchen table when a cheerful-looking Dib enters.
Dib, speaking (aside): Was it really just a dream? I feel... different.
Dib shrugs and begins humming a sprightly tune as he skips towards the table.
Isn't This A Beautiful Morning?
Dib: Isn't this a beautiful morning?
Nature pulled out all the stops,
Giving us, without any warning,
A daybreak that is the tops!
With a golden sun,
The day has begun
In a great, won-
-derous way!
Isn't this a beautiful morning?
It's gonna be a beautiful day!
Dib sits down at the table. The musical theme plays underneath.
Gaz, speaking: You're... rhyming?
Dib, speaking: I am?
Pause.
Dib, speaking: You're right, Gaz, I am!
Gaz, speaking: Ugh...
The toaster beeps and a piece of toast flies up. Dib, on wires, jumps up and grabs the toast in mid-air. When he lands in his seat again, he holds out his arm as the butter floats toward his hand. He quickly butters his toast and takes a bite before resuming his song.
Dib: Isn't this a beautiful morning?
Everything is in its place!
There is nothing I could be scorning;
Of a fault there is no trace!
I know today will be fantastic!
Things will change, and they'll be great!
Changes will be great and drastic
To my once mis'rable fate!
Though it may sound strange,
I can sense a change
In close range
Of today!
Isn't this a beautiful morning?
Oh, isn't this a beautiful morning?
Yes, it's got to be a beautiful morning!
And it's gonna be a beautiful... marvelous... amazing... sensational... day!
Professor Membrane enters.
Prof M., speaking: Son, you're looking in good spirits today! You must've seen the light about studying real science!
Dib, speaking: No, dad! These alien shoes came into my room and gave me some kind of gift! I know how that sounds, but it's true!
Professor Membrane whips out some special goggles and puts them on.
Prof M., speaking: Those aliens were demented hallucinations, but your DNA does seem to have evolved beyond that of normal human beings!
Gaz, speaking: Hmmm... I guess I'm sorry about being so mean to you all those times, then.
Dib, speaking: Well, then, uh... go to your room!
Gaz, speaking: Okay.
Gaz and Professor Membrane walk offstage. Dib is stunned.
Dib, speaking: This is... this is just incredible! I should... I should see if this whatever it is really will help me deal with Zim! I'm gonna head over to his base! Hey... I'm speaking out loud to myself in an unnatural manner. Oh well! Now, what should I do next? I know! I'll sing out loud in an unnatural manner!
I Was Just A Normal Human (http://diamond.boisestate.edu/gas/pinafore/web_opera/pn16.mid)
Dib: I was just a normal human;
Though I could see danger loomin',
I could never make Zim retreat,
For I didn't have the means.
I had no power to defeat,
Plus, I couldn't rhyme worth beans!
I was weak and I was helpless;
My efforts to win were small.
But, thanks to the Meekrobs' largess,
I will fin'lly see Zim's fall!
After Dib sings the original line, he points in a certain direction and an echo repeats the line from that direction.
Now I'll win; there is no contest!
Echo (Left): Now I'll win; there is no contest!
Dib: I can stop Zim from his conquest!
Echo (Right): I can stop Zim from his conquest!
Dib and Echoes: Now I have amazing power!
I can win quite easily!
I shall make Zim's plans go sour
With my great ability!
Dib: I have so many great powers.
I could talk of them for hours!
I can race across vast landscapes
In just fifteen seconds flat,
And then eat tons of greasy crepes
Without ever getting fat!
I was weak and I was helpless;
My efforts to win were small.
But, thanks to the Meekrobs' largess,
I will fin'lly see Zim's fall!
Now I'll win; there is no contest!
Echo (Left): Now I'll win; there is no contest!
Dib: I can stop Zim from his conquest!
Echo (Right): I can stop Zim from his conquest!
Dib and Echoes: Now I have amazing power!
I can win quite easily!
I shall make Zim's plans go sour
With my great ability!
Dib: I'm at such a great advantage
That I know I'll surely manage
To ensure Zim's final defeat!
And with record-breaking speed
My victory will be complete!
I know that I will succeed!
I was weak and I was helpless;
My efforts to win were small.
But, thanks to the Meekrobs' largess,
I will fin'lly see Zim's fall!
Now I'll win; there is no contest!
Echo (Left): Now I'll win; there is no contest!
Dib: I can stop Zim from his conquest!
Echo (Right): I can stop Zim from his conquest!
Dib: I was weak and I was helpless;
Echo (Left): Now I have amazing power!
Dib: All thanks to the Meekrobs' largess,
Echo (Right): I shall make Zim's plans go sour!
Dib and Echoes: My efforts to win were small.
My efforts to win were small.
Now I'll fin'lly see Zim's fall!
I will fin'lly see Zim's fall!
Dib, speaking: Now, to go to Zim's base and spy on him! No! I'm sick of waiting and watching! It's time to take some action! I'm... talking out loud some more!
As a dramatic theme plays, a spotlight goes on Dib and he 'flies' through the air on wires. When he lands on the right side of the stage, it is lit up to reveal the outside of Zim's base. Zim opens the door.
Zim, speaking: Huh?
I Have Something To Tell You
Dib: Enough is enough!
I've waited for too long!
It's time I did stuff
To right this awful wrong!
Zim, speaking: Dib? You can... rhyme?
Dib: Yes, Zim, I can rhyme,
And I'll do even more!
Listen, and in time,
You'll end this wicked war!
I have something to tell you, Zim!
Something that will make you stop your schemes!
I'll put a stop to your cruel whim
And fin'lly end your invading dreams!
Now, here's the first thing:
You...
The curtain abruptly falls.
Dib, speaking but muffled: Hey! I'm not finished!
The kid chorus dances onstage.
Unfortuately Necessary
Kids: Time lapses can't occur on stage,
So your attention we'll engage!
We are unfortunately
Necessary!
If we let Dib sing his whole song
This play would be eight hours long!
So we're unfortunately
Necessary!
Just know Dib's droning on and on
About why Zim should soon be gone!
While we distract
Sara: Unfortunately distract...
Kids: So, time to get back on track!
Sara: Necessary to get back on track...
Kids: Back to the act!
The chorus dances offstage, and the curtain rises.
Dib, speaking: And that's all I have to say about that!
Zim, speaking: Well, I can't argue with that, Dib. You've won. I'm giving myself up to the Earth authorities. It's been nice working with you, Gir. Now, self destruct.
Gir, offstage: Finally!
An explosion is heard. Zim walks outside and enters a police car that comes offstage. After it leaves, Dib sits in stunned silence for a moment before speaking. Music begins to play.
Dib, speaking: Wow! This feeling... the power... it isn't going away! Things really are going to be different for me! At last, I'll finally get to solve all the mysteries I've been wondering about! For...
I Am Dib! (http://www.midifarm.com/files/midifiles/playFile.aspx?id=1753)
Dib: I am Dib!
I am Dib!
I've got power incredib-
-le that will allow me to solve ev'ry
Problem! That's no fib!
For mankind
I will find
The entire truth behind
Ev'ry paranormal story,
Giving me great fame and glory!
I will show
What I know!
And old theories I will blow!
That's the truth, for I'm not simply being glib!
Now I will plan a rivet-
-ing life, and I'll live it!
I am Dib!
I am Dib!
I am Dib!
I am sure
I'll endure!
I will successfully lure
All the spooky creatures who
Are hidden and a bit obscure!
It will be
Quite easy
For someone as great as me!
Paranormal creatures beware!
You can't hide, for I will be there!
I will go
To and fro
Looking for them as I grow!
I'll find them around the globe, from France to Tib-
-et, Morocco and Spain!
People will praise my brain!
They will adlib
Phrases glib
About the wonderful Dib!
I am Dib!
I am Dib!
I am Dib!
Life was so depressing
Before I got this great blessing
Of amazing power from those two Meekrob.
I tried vainly to defend the planet,
But I wasn't too good at my job.
For years I have wanted
To explore the strange and haunted.
But I never could; I needed something first.
I kept hoping something great would happen...
Now I have the power!
Spooky monsters ought to cower!
For I'm Dib!
I am Dib!
And I'm sure that a blue rib-
-bon I'll win once I begin
To show the world the incredib-
-le unknown
And unshown
Animals that I alone
Will be able to discover!
Look out, world; you should take cover!
It's my fate
To be great!
And I really cannot wait
To prove paranomal things are no mere fib!
I will amaze the world
Once my plans are unfurled!
For I am Dib!
Cast, offstage: He is Dib!
Dib: I am Dib!
Cast, offstage: He is Dib!
The whole cast comes out to sing and dance in the background while Dib does an amazing dance routine.
Cast: He is Dib!
He is Dib!
And no one will ever quib-
-ble or raise a doubt that he's about to
Show the pow'r of Dib!
He can't fail!
He'll prevail
Without struggle or travail!
We know that he will amaze you,
And we'll dedicate our praise to...
This young boy!
He'll employ
All his strength, so we'll enjoy
Knowing all about the scary and terrib-
-ble things that lurk beyond
Of which he is quite fond!
For he is Dib!
He is Dib!
He is Dib!
Yes, he is Dib!
Dib ends his dance routine by somersalting high in the air and doing a perfect landing. Confetti and balloons fall from the ceiling, and the curtain falls.
INTERMISSION
The role of 'Professor Membrane', originated by Professor Membrane
but recently played by Mr. Sacque O'Potatoes, has had to be changed again due
to a budget dispute. Until further notice, the role will be played by Martha
Stewart. We would like to thank the city police for making this arrangement
possible.
