Dib's Wonderful Life of Doom: The MUSICAL! (Act 2)
Note: Partially as a result of these musicals, I have created 'Broadway style' pictures of Zim, Dib, Gir, and Gaz. They are:
Zim - http://www.side7.com/cgi-bin/S7SDB/DisplayImg.pl?INO=203716
Dib - http://www.side7.com/cgi-bin/S7SDB/DisplayImg.pl?INO=202707
Gaz - http://www.side7.com/cgi-bin/S7SDB/DisplayImg.pl?INO=203252
Gir - http://www.side7.com/cgi-bin/S7SDB/DisplayImg.pl?INO=203945
Scene I: Nowhere In Particular, Lab
On the central part of the stage, there are three curtains. On the right side of the stage, there is a lab; Zim is in a centrally placed tube there. At the beginning of the act, only the central stage is lit up. A crowd is on stage awaiting Dib. They begin to sing slowly and excitedly.
I Am Dib! (Reprise)
Crowd: Where is he?
Where is he?
The kid that made history
By showing that aliens existed!
Now where could he be?
He's so great!
He's top-rate!
We just wish he wasn't late!
We are all dying to greet him;
Where is Dib? We want to meet him...
Teen Dib 'flies' to the center of the stage and lands next to Alan (a reporter).
Dib, speaking: Sorry I'm late! There was a little matter with zombie geese that I had to deal with.
Alan, speaking: Ah, yes. Well, what will be your next great adventure?
Dib, speaking: I'm out to prove even more paranormal things. Just watch me!
I Will Find Everything (http://www.whyaduck.com/sounds/midi/spalding.mid)
Dib: This is just the beginning
Of my paranormal quest!
For, as you all might have guessed,
I will find everything!
Crowd: And we will all be grinning
As soon as Dib's discovered,
Revealed, and uncovered
The truth of everything!
We know Dib will find everything!
He pulls back the first curtain to discover... ghosts. The crowd cheers.
Alan: Hi, I am a reporter, talking live to you for channel nine,
And I just have one simple thing to ask you.
How can one human be so great?
You've put tons of jobs on your plate
And you've completed each ambitious task, too!
Crowd: Dib's completed each ambitious task, too!
He's done ev'ry task!
Alan: You never fail to amaze;
You've done so much that's worth our praise!
How do you do it? That's what I must ask you!
Dib: It has not really been any trouble!
Crowd: Dib is so great, that it was no trouble...
Oh yes, he's amazing!
Dib is the best!
Dib rocks! We know he'll complete
His grand paranormal quest!
Because he's simply the best,
He will find everything!
We know that it will be neat
To see him; we are certain!
Dib, pull back the next curtain!
Reveal everything!
We know Dib will find everything!
The crowd dances in front of Dib. They dance away, revealing a slightly older Dib, who is holding the hand of Girlfriend #1.
Dib: Monsters I will be showing.
Because I wish
To soon finish
The quest of knowing.
And soon, you see,
All Earth to me
Will soon be owing.
Dib moves toward the curtain.
For, once I show this thing,
Glory my fans will bring,
As well as reputation glowing!
For there is no mistake,
That, underneath this lake,
Where many people are often seen rowing,
There are several monsters swimming here
Who I've been carefully following.
I, Dib, paranormal sleuth
Will show you it's the truth...
Dib quickly pulls back the second curtain to reveal a bunch of lake monsters.
Crowd: Wow!
Dib: Now I must be going.
Crowd: Dib rocks! We know he'll complete
His grand paranormal quest!
Because he's simply the best,
He will find everything!
We know that it will be neat
To see him; we are certain!
Dib, pull back the next curtain!
Reveal everything!
We know Dib will find everything!
The crowd dances in front of Dib. They dance away, revealing a thirty year-old Dib, who is holding the hand of Girlfriend #2.
Alan: There's one more monster to find out.
We hope that Dib can do it!
Dib: I will find Bigfoot; that I swear!
To hide from me he shouldn't dare!
So I'll pursue it!
Crowd: Let's hope that Dib can find the nasty lout!
Alan: And now the time is drawing near;
Dib will have greater renown
When he has discovered the beast
And his great quest has fin'lly ceased!
Dib: I won't let you down!
Crowd: We cannot wait for Bigfoot to appear!
Dib pulls back the final curtain to reveal Bigfoot. The crowd erupts with excitement.
Crowd: Dib rocks! We know he'd complete
His grand paranormal quest!
Because he's simply the best,
He has found everything!
We knew that it would be neat
To see him, and we were right!
For Dib used all of his might
To show us everything!
He put all his reliance
In courage and defiance,
To further parascience!
Hey, hey!
Dib: I knew that I could do it!
With great speed and precision,
I've completed my mission!
Crowd: Hooray, hooray, hooray!
He put all his reliance
In courage and defiance,
To further parascience!
Hey, hey!
Hooray for Dib, our hero!
What could we do without him?
He's done it all
With no pitfall,
And that is why we say,
Hooray, hooray, hooray!
Alan, speaking: Well, Dib, you've just proven every paranormal theory ever created! What are you going to do now?
Dib, speaking: I'm going to Disn...
Alan, speaking: Sorry, but their lawyers won't let you use their trademark.
Dib, speaking: Oh. Uh, I guess I'll visit Zim, then.
The main stage lights dim, and lights come up on the lab. Dib enters with Girlfriend #2.
Dib, speaking: It's been a long time, Zim.
Zim, speaking: Twenty of your years, to be precise. And me, enduring these indignities! The only reason I have not tried to escape is because it amuses me!
Dib, speaking: Amuses you to what?
Zim, speaking: Ah yes... the invasion.
The Invasion
Zim: You may believe
That you have won.
But the true war
Has just begun!
I don't deceive;
Dib, be afraid!
You are doomed, for
They will invade!
A massive Armada will destroy you all,
And nothing of your glory will survive Earth's fall!
Your destiny is clear now
Because your doom is near now!
And you should really fear how
The planet Earth will fade!
There is no doubt that the Irken Armada will invade!
My revenge will
Be realized!
They'll wreck the Earth
Which you have prized!
This should instill
Some fear in you;
For to this turf
You'll bid adieu!
And so you should now begin to make some room
For your upcoming humiliating doom!
There is no other choice here
So just give up and voice fear
That Irk will wipe the Earth clear!
You won't survive the raid!
I know you'll fall when the Irken Armada does invade!
They will crush you like a... squishy, crushy thing;
It's foolish and futile for you to let hope ling-
-er, for the Earth will be toast!
For Irk will make sure that post-
-haste that the planet will roast!
Soon, all will be decayed!
So make way; allow the Irken Armada to invade!
Dib, speaking: But I didn't ask you about the invasion...
Zim, speaking: Well, you were supposed to.
Dib, speaking: Oh.
Zim, speaking: It doesn't matter. Soon the Armada will destroy this filthy planet, and there's nothing you can do about it!
Dib, speaking: I defeated you, and I know I can defend Earth from a whole army of Irkens!
Dib steps forward, and a spotlight appears on him.
Back From the Past
Dib: Not long ago...
Not very long ago...
I thought my quest had ended.
But now I know
That I must face a foe!
My plans have been amended!
For, way back from my childhood
Came a chance for me to do good!
A job, unfinished, that I must
Complete! And I'll do it, I trust!
My old rival, I won't forget,
Has paved the way for a new threat!
He's restarted the flames of war,
So I must fight this threat once more!
Back from the past
My newest quest has come!
The die's been cast
And I have to succumb
To this new and vital call!
I'll stop Irk once and for all!
And now, at last,
I will fin'lly come to terms... with my past!
My newest journey takes its cue
From what I first aspired to;
Ridding the world from invasion!
Now I have the invitation
To try and snuff out this trouble!
Irk can't turn the Earth to rubble,
Because as long as I am here,
I will make the threat disappear!
Back from the past
My newest quest has come!
The die's been cast
And I have to succumb
To this new and vital call!
I'll stop Irk once and for all!
And now, at last,
I will fin'lly come to terms... with my past!
Beware, Irk; you have met your match
In me, and our upcoming clash
Will go very poorly for you,
For your defeat is overdue!
So, I'll use my ability
To stamp out this hostility!
When Irk is gone, fighting can cease,
And I'll bring planetary peace!
Back from the past
My newest quest has come!
The die's been cast
And I have to succumb
To this new and vital call!
I'll stop Irk once and for all!
And now, at last,
I will fin'lly come to terms... with my past!
T'will be a blast,
When I fin'lly come to terms... with... my... past!
Blackout.
Scene II: The Dib Institute, Outer Space
The curtain rises on the exterior of Dib's Paranormal Institute. There is a fanfare as a crowd dances onstage.
Dib's Newest Project (http://math.boisestate.edu/gas/mikado/webopera/song05.mid)
Crowd: Behold Dib's new and amazing project,
An Institute of Paranormal Study!
Which our hero will soon use to inspect
The Irkens and prepare for battle bloody!
Dib comes onstage and begins walking up to the podium with Girlfriend #3 and Gaz.
Hooray, hooray!
For Dib will once again save the day!
Hooray, hooray!
For he'll once again, for he'll once again,
Dib will once again save the day!
Dib steps up to the podium to address the crowd.
Dib: I know that Earth will prevail
With the help of this institute!
We'll fight till the Irkens flail;
We'll give that Armada the boot!
They'll invade to no avail;
Whatever they do, they won't loot!
For we'll study each detail;
Of their weakness we'll be astute!
Whatever it may entail,
This threat we will quickly uproot!
Our own efforts will not fail!
We will succeed in our pursuit!
Dib: I know that Earth will prevail
Crowd: We know that Earth will prevail
Dib: With the help of this institute!
Crowd: We'll fight till the Irkens flail;
Dib: Whatever it may entail,
Crowd: Whatever it may entail,
All: Our own efforts will not fail!
Crowd: Hooray, hooray!
For Dib will once again save the day!
Hooray, hooray!
For he'll once again, for he'll once again save the planet today!
He will, he will!
Yes, Dib will once again save the day!
Hooray, hooray!
For he'll once again, once again,
He'll once again save the day!
Dib, speaking: And now, to get down to research!
The Research Song
Dib: Now it's time to study Irk!
And, once I get down to work,
I'll follow this ingenious plan:
First I'll study the...
The curtain abruptly falls, and the chorus dances on stage.
Dib, speaking but muffled: Not you again!
Unfortuately Necessary (Reprise)
Kids: Because research is tedious,
You'll now have to listen to us!
We are unfortunately
Necessary!
While we all entertain and sing,
Dib's doing some dull research thing!
We are unfortunately
Necessary!
So our singing saved everyone
From a plot point that's not much fun!
Thus we distract...
Sara: Unfortunately distract...
Kids: But we must get back on track!
Sara: Necessary to get back on track...
Kids: Back to the act!
The chorus dances offstage, and the curtain rises, revealing one of the interior rooms of the institute. There is a sign that reads 'The United World Association of Fighting Enemies'. There is a diagram of the Massive on the chalkboard. A soldier runs in.
Soldier, speaking: Sir, they're coming!
Dib, speaking: Listen carefully, everyone! This is the Massive: the Armada capitol ship! The side pods are filled with snacks; it's their weak spot. Alpha... you'll be bringing down the Massive!
Soldier, speaking: But who will lead Alpha squadron?
Dib, speaking: I'm not taking chances... I'll lead it! Now follow me; there isn't much time!
It's Time You Followed Me (http://www.broadwaymidi.com/down/ManOfLaMancha-02ManOfLaMancha-IDonQuixote.mid)
Dib: Now prepare, for it's time to face our destiny
'Gainst the wickedness from outer space!
We must act, and quite soon all us Earthlings will see
If we can beat the Irken race!
It's time you followed me, Dib,
The planet's champion;
Our destiny calls us to go!
Let us hope we'll defeat them,
For we need to beat them!
We need to bring down our great foe!
We shall bring down our great foe...
Onward to glory we go!
Soldiers: We'll follow! Yes, we'll follow!
We'll faithfully follow our hero!
For we are sure that, with him,
Irk will soon fall! That we know!
Dib: Hear me Irkens, your empire will be at an end
The moment I and my troops attack!
So you alien counquerers shouldn't pretend
That we won't force you to go back!
Dib: It's time you followed me, Dib,
Soldiers: We'll follow! Yes, we'll follow!
Dib: The planet's champion;
Our destiny calls us to go!
Soldiers: We'll faithfully follow our hero!
Dib: Let us hope we'll defeat them,
Soldiers: For we are sure that, with him,
Dib: For we need to beat them!
We need to bring down our great foe!
Soldiers: Irk will soon fall! That we know!
Both: We shall bring down our great foe...
Onward to glory we go!
The walls and tables on the set are pulled away, revealing an outer space backdrop projection. One set, representing the edge of the Massive, is pulled to the right side of the stage with the Tallest on it. A group of Irkens dance onstage. Dib and the other soldiers join the Irkens in dramatic chorographed battle to the same tune as 'It's Time You Followed Me'. Dib dances behind the ship set and comes back carrying a bag of sweets with an Irken symbol on it.
Retreat!
Red: Our snacks!
Purple: Our snacks!
Both: We can't stand these attacks!
We might as well just concede out defeat!
For there's no hope!
Without snacks, we can't cope!
And so there's nothing to do but retreat!
Red: Retreat!
Purple: Retreat!
Both: It's time to take our fleet
Someplace sweet
Where we can eat!
Thanks to the human's feat,
We must retreat!
Red: That's it!
Purple: That's it!
Both: There's no choice but to quit!
He took our snacks, so now we have to go!
We must go back!
There's no hope of attack!
It's time to concede defeat to our foe!
Red: Retreat!
Purple: Retreat!
Both: It's time to take our fleet
Someplace sweet
Where we can eat!
Thanks to the human's feat,
We must retreat!
A curtain comes down; only Dib is in front of it. From either side of the stage, a crowd of people surrounds the triumphant Dib. Girlfriend #4 comes up and hugs him.
Victory is His
Crowd: Victory is his, for he did save Earth!
'Cause he's a whiz, none could enslave Earth!
He has let the whole planet survive!
Through victory he's earned his fame,
And all will justly praise his name!
For he is the greatest person alive!
We don't lie; Dib's amazing!
We're not wrong in our praising!
For victory is his, yes, victory... is his!
The crowd cheers, and the President walks up to Dib and and gives him a medal. Blackout.
Scene III: Talk Show Set
Elderly Dib is seated across from Alan. The audience is projected onto a screen in the background.
Alan, speaking: Tonight's guest is the deserving recipient of the 'Greatest Person Ever To Live Award', Sir Dib... Dib... whatever your last name is.
Dib, speaking: That's right.
The Interview
Alan: It's nice to speak to you once more.
You've led a full career.
You've done plenty of things before
You sat next to me here.
Thanks to your efforts, the world knew
Aliens existed.
You showed us other creatures, too,
That were weird and twisted!
And, later, when the Irkens came,
You could quickly deduce
How you could put their plans to shame!
You even rode a moose!
In light of your success, you've raised
Your fans' admiration!
Due to your efforts, all have praised
You for our salvation!
I'm curious about one fact
That your fans want to know:
Was there ever an act
That you did long ago
Which started you on the road to
Your future of success?
What was the first thing you did do
That started your progress?
Dib, speaking: Wow, heh, that's going back a long ways...
Dib: Though you may not believe me,
My wonderful life's journey
Began with a tiny step.
When, to my satisfaction,
I finally took action
To try and damage Zim's rep!
You may guess that I did a task of greatness and import
To start me on my path, but it was nothing of the sort!
It was enough that I was firm in my dedication
To stop just sitting and letting Zim try to take each nation!
It all started in the cafeteria, when I knew
Things had to change! In order to achieve this goal, I threw
Something at Zim's head! And, you know, it was really nothin',
But everything changed for me after I threw that muffin!
Alan stands up and points at Dib.
Alan, speaking: Ha!
Dib, speaking: Uh, Alan?
Alan, speaking: I knew it was you!
The backdrop projection disappears and the area around Alan and Dib is surrounded by a cloud of smoke. When the smoke disappears, Dib is back to his normal age and Alan has been replaced by Zim.
Dib, speaking: Wha...? There aren't shoe aliens?
Zim cackles evilly.
I Knew It!
Zim: I knew it!
You threw it!
Nobody else could do it!
I knew that filthy muffin came from you!
I knew it!
You'll rue it!
The way that I construe it,
You will regret the muffin that you threw!
For I've proven your guilt
Through this fiction I've built!
I lured you into a false sense of security!
But I knew all along
That you had done the wrong!
And so I resolved to take my revenge rightfully!
For...
I knew it!
You blew it!
For I knew what was true; it
Was clear that only you would act this way!
You'd do it...
See to it...
Make sure that I was blue; it
Was a conclusion I saw clear as day!
But the last laugh was mine,
For I had revenge divine!
I made sure that you'd regret what you had done!
And Zim has had his great revenge-y fun!
I have won!
Dib, speaking: But... but... why did you go to all this trouble?
Zim, speaking: Ha! Do you not see the amazing brilliance of Zim's ingenious revenge?
Doomed By Your Wonderful Life Of Doom
Zim: I gave you the perfect life!
And that doesn't sound too bad...
But you will always look back
On the false success you had.
And you will reflect with strife
Wishing for a tiny bit
Of that success, but, alack,
You will never get one whit!
If, by some weird chance, you taste some success,
When you look at it, the feat won't impress!
For, however far you may get in life, you'll be saddled by this sad blow;
You can't live up to the life you just lived, and you'll live in your own shadow!
You'll be doomed...
Offstage Voices: Doomed!
Zim: ...By your wonderful life of doom!
For the rest of your life, when you succeed, your small achievement will pale
Next to the example of your past life, and, thus, you will always fail!
You'll be doomed...
Offstage Voices: Doomed!
Zim: ...By your wonderful life of doom!
You'll rue your life,
Boo-hoo your life,
For to you it will seem grim!
Any future would look dim
Next to your wonderful life of doom!
Now you know my brilliant plan!
And can understand your fate!
Anything you try to do
Can never possibly rate!
And, throughout your whole lifespan
You will contemplate with gloom
That any task you pursue
Will nat'rally end in doom!
Dib: Well, you know what, Zim? This is what I think...
You... uh... la, la, la... really, really stink!
Zim: Dib, your pitiful rhyme doesn't scare me; it simply shows how much I've
won!
For you'll never rhyme as you did before, nor do anything else you've done!
You'll be doomed...
Offstage Voices: Doomed!
Zim: ...By your wonderful life of doom!
You will never match your past life's success, for you no longer have the skill!
You may pretend, that you'll defeat me, Zim, but you should know you never will!
You'll be doomed...
Offstage Voices: Doomed!
Zim: ...By your wonderful life of doom!
Review your life
Anew with strife!
Chances of success are slim,
Because of the wrath of Zim!
Who made your wonderful life of doom!
The entire cast comes onstage and sings in a sprightly manner.
All but Dib: Now resign yourself to despair and angst, for your future won't
be pleasant!
You will live with perceptions of failure, thanks to Zim's ironic present!
Crowd 1: You'll be doomed...
Crowd 2: Doomed!
All but Dib: ...By your wonderful life of doom!
You thought that you had achieved all your goals; now you find yourself at
square one!
But your next attempt won't end the same way! This time, it won't be half as
fun!
Crowd 1: You'll be doomed...
Crowd 2: Doomed!
Crowd 1: Doomed!
Crowd 2: Doomed!
All but Dib: Doomed!
...By your wonderful life of doom!
Zim throws the muffin at Dib, who glares at him angrily. The cast bows, and the curtain falls.
THE END (No, really... I mean it this time)
No aliens, bigfeet, ghosts, or lake monsters were harmed in the
production of Dib's Wonderful Life of Doom - The MUSICAL!
