You Don't Know...What It's Like
by kimraver

Summary: You think you know, but you have no idea! Each character tells of something in their life that know one else in the squad knows what it's like.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, or their thoughts, or their life stories, they all belong, thankfully, to John Wells and Co.

Chapter 1/10

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Kim

You think you know, but you have no idea!

You don't know what it's like to grow up in a family where you've never met your real father, only substitutes every few years. Watching your mother bring home new men every other month, wondering if he'll be the next person you'll call "dad" for a short time. Watching her screw up the one relationship that actually lasted the longest only because she couldn't cope anymore, losing all faith in her. You don't know what it's like growing up in your sister's footsteps, with everyone comparing you to her, assuming you are just like her, trying to ruin your life just like they did hers.

You don't know what it's like to have your whole future ahead of you and to have it set back because you fell head over heals for some good looking punk who only ended up getting you pregnant. To have to leave work because it became too hard to help patients while trying to carry 35 extra pounds. You don't know what it's like to look into the eyes of the man who you loved so much and tell him he's nothing, to crush his life because he destroyed yours, by cheating on you with your own sister. You don't know what it's like to hear your own son tell you you're going to hell, because you divorced your husband. Or to have your own ex's bookies come after you for the money he owes them, by threatening your life and the life of your child.

You don't know what it's like to be so much in love with your best friend and working partner that you can't even have a relationship with him because you are afraid of hurting him. You don't know what it's like to watch him die in front of you and know there isn't a damn thing you can do to save him, and you don't get a chance to tell him how you truly felt. To have him haunt your dreams because you feel so guilty and so lonely without him around, that the only option you see is the cowards way out, suicide. But to have it fail and have your own son find you passed out in a bathtub. To have him taken away from you by your ex-husband because you are an unfit parent.

You think you know, but you have no idea!
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TBC...if you think I should....comments, e-mail them to me at nessie@rogers.com