Will I?
by kimraver

Summary: What happens if you blew it?

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What happens to me now? It didn't happen like they say. It's all a lie, I would never hurt anyone. It was just an accident, I never meant to get carried away. How could I be so stupid, I mean, I'm a police officer, I'm supposed to prevent the crimes, not commit them. Maybe she'll help me...no, I shouldn't turn to her. I shouldn't get her involved, she's already suffering, she doesn't need my burdens anymore.

But...what about...will I lose my dignity? People look up to me, now they'll look down. I'll be remembered forever as the guy who did this, I blew it. Maybe I'll just call her, she'll tell me what to do. No, why would she care...will someone care? Will anyone care if I don't wake tomorrow? What if I just don't wake tomorrow? I'll just go home and put the barrel in my mouth and pull that trigger. No more suffering, no more wondering. I have nothing left now.

Is this all real? This can't be happening. I can't keep hiding, they'll find me somehow. Lock me in jail and throw away the key. Maybe she's not home, I've knocked a few times. Quick, I'll just leave, pretend like I was never here. Oh no, she's home. Should I turn around? Should I bother her with my problems again? Will she care that I'm scared? Where are the kids? We're all alone, can you help me? Please help me? Please care. Maybe this is just a nightmare? Will I wake from this nightmare? Please help me wake from it. I need you, I'm scared...

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