Little Tin Flower, Red Stitches and a Rain-Soaked Angel
Part VIII ~ Rain King
By Shannon the Twisted Link Worshiper
—O—
Heero had laid Relena down in the back hold area of the little shuttle, and was about to go to the cockpit, when he realized that there was something very important missing. "Duo?" he said to the empty shuttle as he left the place where he had put Relena. "Duo? K'so!" He swore loudly and banged his fist into the shuttle's hull as he realized that something had happened to his partner.
He could hear the sound of gunfire, his mind being so warped by the horrible things that could have possibly happened to the one best friend he had ever had in his entire life, that he felt almost blinded and stupefied by his fear. Leaping back off the ship and into the hangar, the sound of explosions resonating throughout the quaking vessel, Heero looked franticly about for any signs of the braided American.
"Goddamn, Duo!" Heero saw the unmoving black clad form lying in the middle of the floor, smoke from the explosions starting to waft into the hangar. Heero pressed his oxygen mask to his face, squinting through the dark smoke, trying to find Duo once more. Groping through the encroaching blackness, his only light coming from brief flashes of yellow light as another mine went off, the explosions nearer and nearer all the time, his hands soon found Duo's still limp form. "Duo, Duo, wake up, wake up for God's fucking sake!"
No reaction from Duo, despite Heero's repeated smacks over his pale cheeks. Duo's head lolled back as Heero lifted him up into a sitting position, still occasionally backhanding the unconscious boy in an effort to awaken his friend from this deathlike state. Seeing the usually lively American in such a helpless condition sent chills down Heero's spine, despite the cold of the space cruiser. This isn't happening. Duo is not dying! Almost as if some higher power had orchestrated it just right, as those thoughts were running through his head, Heero felt a low pulse undulating within Duo's lithe form. It was a steady heartbeat, quiet and a bit slower than normal, but still enough to assure Heero that Duo was going to live. And then the horrid realization of another frighteningly loud explosion brought Heero careening back to reality. We won't make it. This is the end…. What a shame that I….
"Hee…." The voice was small and tangled in a fit of coughs. Heero glanced down at the quivering boy in his arms. "Heero…. You came back for me…."
"Shh," Heero whispered softly as a mass of electrical wires burst out in a flurry of flame and sparks overhead. "Shh, Duo, I'm here. It's okay."
"Did you kill her? Stella, is she dead?" Duo whispered into Heero's chest, his fingers curling around the tight fabric of his spacesuit.
"Yeah," Heero said, his voice hoarse. The ship seemed to begin to sink as the mine Duo had laid on the fuel tanks burst with a great shuddering bang and the crackle of gasoline fires. "Mission complete."
"I'm glad," Duo said softly. Heero felt his cheeks burn somewhat red as Duo cuddled closer, his eyes still pressed closed and spurting small tears. More coughs as he spoke again in his weakened voice. "Hee-chan, now we can go back to L1 and things can go back to the way they were a couple weeks ago. And we'll be better friends than before, because this whole ordeal has done nothing but bring me closer to you. All I want is to be at your side, even if I'm only hiding in your shadow."
"It's over, Duo. It's over," Heero found himself mumbling subconsciously.
"Nothing is over, Hee-chan!" Duo gripped Heero tighter. "The both of us are still alive! If you're thinking that you're just going to sit here and hold me until we die, you've got another thing coming. I don't give a shit that I can barely see two centimeters in front of me. I'll be the one to kill you before this damn ship explodes if you don't get off your ass right now and fly us out of here!"
"So much for being on the injured list," Heero said quietly, the traces of a smile crawling over his handsome features. "Your mouth is obviously still working, even if you can't walk."
"So help me!" Duo found himself using Heero as leverage to halfway stand up, waiting for Heero to also stand for more support. Draping an arm around Heero's neck and resting his head on his shoulder (and blissfully ignoring the pain ricocheting through his body), they made their way back to the Preventers ship. He said in a softer tone as they went, despite the chaos around them, "Why would you want to throw your life away, when there is still so much left to live for? We have a chance, so let's take it! It would be better to say we tried before we go than to just die, knowing that we let it happen willingly. It's almost as bad as suicide."
"Duo," Heero managed as he lifted Duo into their spacecraft. The chestnut haired boy had to resort to dragging himself along the floor to the cockpit as Heero hoisted himself into the spacecraft after him. Suddenly, Duo felt a familiar pair of strong arms lift him like a baby and carry him the rest of the way, gently strap him into his seat and stroke the top of his head almost lovingly. "Duo, you're right. Always right."
"I know," Duo smiled at Heero as he watched him jump into the pilot's seat and grasp the thruster levers. "Hope you aren't rusty, Mister Ace Pilot! We're not quite heroes yet!"
The ship throttled forward, sailing out amongst the stars with a trail of white plasma feathering out behind the sleek aircraft as it narrowly escaped the faltering star cruiser. A quick glance behind them displayed the ship scattering into a starburst of fire and metal scrap, a fine display for the L3 colonists. Not only because of the beautiful patterns the flames traced on the star flecked black canvas, but because of the life, freedom and purity that had been preserved because of that ship's demise. And that made Duo's heart soar.
—O —
"When I think of heaven,
(Deliver me in a black winged bird)
I think of flying down into a sea of pins,
And feathers, and all the other instruments of faith and sex and God,
In the belly of a black winged bird.
Don't try to feed me,
'Cause I've been here before,
And I deserve a little more.
"Oh and I belong in the service of a Queen.
I belong anywhere but in between.
She's been crying; I've been thinking.
And I am the Rain King."
Relena's eyes slowly fluttered open, her vision focusing on the sterile room around her. Everything around her was white, the walls, the sheets, even the pale translucent curtains billowing around the open window. The only dashes of colour she could make out was the bunch of dark purple flowers sitting in a glass vase beside her bed and the dark silhouette of Duo, sitting on the windowsill behind the slightly transparent curtains, one leg dangling outside the window and the other bent up inside the window, his black booted foot pressed up against the wood frame. He was singing, just like he had been… where… when had that been? She could hardly remember what had happened to her, or how she had come to lie in this hospital bed with her arm in a sling, barely mobile.
"Duo?" she found herself saying, though her words fell upon unhearing ears. He just kept singing, his eyes playing across the sea's pale blue horizon outside. It was a hazy dark day, rain drizzling down, spraying an uncaring Duo with its cool refreshment.
"I said, 'Mama, mama, why am I so alone?'
I can't go outside,
'Cause I'm scared that I might not make it home.
Oh I'm alive, but I'm sinking in.
If there's anyone home at your place,
Darling, please invite me in.
Don't try to bleed me,
'Cause I've been there before,
And I deserve a little more.
"Oh and I belong in the service of a Queen.
I belong anywhere but in between.
She's been lying; I just keep sinking.
And I am the Rain King."
She struggled to sit up further and tried to get Duo's attention again. She could hear the almost downhearted strain in his gentle voice, wondering why he was so sad. Anger, resentment, those were things she could understand if he wanted to feel that way towards her, particularly after what she had done to betray the Earth for her own selfish wants, but this unhappy wistful near-tears sort of air, this was nothing she had ever expected, not from Duo.
"Hey, I only want the same as everyone.
Mister Henderson just keeps waiting for the sun!
It seems night endlessly begins and ends,
And ends and begins and ends.
After all the dreaming, I just wanna come back home again."
"Please, just say something," she was hurt by his blatant ignorance of her presence. She was not used to being pushed aside by anyone. It hurt enough when Heero gave her the cold shoulder, but when someone like Duo, a cheerful happy soul who was quick to talk pleasantly to anyone in spite of how that someone regarded him was giving the silent treatment, she knew there was something wrong. She had never seen Duo's darker side, the true face of Shinigami, the shadowy being that lived beneath the smiling mask, and this display of Death was certainly a bit shocking to her.
"You're awake, finally," he said at last, his voice emotionless and cold, sounding almost like the perfect soldier himself. She could not see what kind of face he wore for the curtain swirled around his body, gauzing her view. "You… don't have to worry anymore, Miss Relena. Earth is safe again."
"Duo…." He was ignoring her again though, his mind back on his song as soon as he had finished his quick and callous words. It seemed that Heero had rubbed off a little on Shinigami over the years as well. "Where am I?"
"Preventers hospital in the south of Italy," he said simply, still staring out at the rain. "Room 333, restricted wing."
"Oh," she said, sinking back into the pillows. They were back on Earth, and it seemed that the government was going to do their best to cover up the whole incident as far as she was concerned to the best of their ability. Having been involved with the media herself, she knew how they tended to blow things way out of proportion. And this was something that was disgraceful enough on its own. She almost felt tears of her own pouring out of her eyes to think that in a moment of carelessness, she had gone against everything and anything she had ever stood for, everything she had ever believed.
"But when I think of heaven,
I said, when I think of heaven,
When I think of heaven,
I think of you; do you think of me too?
"When I think of heaven,
(Deliver me in a black winged bird)
I think of dying.
Lay me down in a field of flame and heather.
Surrender up my body to the burning heart of God,
In the belly of a black winged bird.
Don't try to bleed me,
'Cause I've been there before,
And I deserve a little more.
"And I belong in the service of a Queen.
I belong anywhere but in between.
She's been dying; I've been drinking.
And I am the Rain King."
He looked up, peeking past the curtain, his large indigo eyes shining with a glimmer that Relena could not quite put a finger on. Her own line of vision followed his to the door, to where she saw the slim and certainly saddened outline of Heero Yuy, waiting to be allowed into the room, a long black coat swathed over his crossed arms. Duo sang the last line of the old song, looking straight at the Japanese boy, his face still unreadable.
"So won't you please come in out of the rain?"
Heero strode in the room purposefully, sweeping right by Relena's bed with hardly a second glance as he made his way over to the window, dropping Duo's leather trench coat over the back of a chair that sat beside the room's spare bed. Leaning against the wall, he was able to see Duo from the corner of his eye, watching as the American sighed wistfully, his gaze still lost amid the falling raindrops. At long last, Duo spoke, though his eyes did not turn from the sprinkling rain. "Look, Hee-chan, it's real Earth rain. It's actually raining! I never thought I would…."
"Hn," Heero made the noise in the back of his throat, his own thoughts muddled and confused. Here he was, a mission successfully completed, even if their survival had only by a fluke, and he was still feeling that strange clutch in the pit of his stomach.
"Reminds me of that time, you know," Duo was saying, despite Heero's meager response. "When you found me on the streets again, remember? I know you probably don't; didn't expect that to be as important to you as it was… for me…."
"That's not true," Heero said quietly, his own eyes finding something profusely interesting about the wood floors of the ancient hospital building. "I remember that day. That was a good day."
"Oh yeah?" Duo was suddenly interested. He was no longer watching the rain, but rather had his large purple eyes fixed on Heero beyond the fluttering curtain that separated them. His heart was pounding hard in his chest, blood pulsating in his ears and shooting through his body in violent floods. He hoped to any god who might have been listening at the time that Heero was trying to say something, something acknowledging that unspoken friendship between the two, even though Duo knew in his heart that he wanted to be so much more for the Japanese pilot.
"Yeah," was the whispered answer. Heero found himself oddly silent through this conversation, but not in his usual cold way. It was more like there were no words to really communicate with one another, considering the whole situation, what with Relena lying there with a gunshot in her shoulder and an quite beat up Duo. He was not even sure why he had come to visit, but he figured it had something to do with spending the last night floating between restless sleep and jittery conscious awareness in the hospital's waiting room while Duo stayed in Relena's room all night. Heero knew that Duo had found some way to pin Relena's condition on himself, even though they both knew that the reason Relena was lying there with a critical wound in her arm had been her own fault. He could hardly bear the sensations of uncertainty zinging through the air between the Preventers, the hospital staff and just about the rest of the entire damn world.
"What do you remember about it?" Duo asked, twiddling his thumbs around idly, just for some form of distraction from the awkwardly solemn moment. He had dressed in his usual once more, the black ecclesiastic collared shirt, black pants and knee high combat boots, and all the buckles from his shoes to his belt seemed to jangle with his every slight shift, the tiny noises seeming to occupy the vast majority of the strange silence. He had not wanted anyone to see the other damage all over his body. There was more than just the twisted ankle to account for and he felt lucky that the only additional injury he had to explain was the wound on his head from where the soldiers had beaten him.
Heero sucked in a breath and gnawed his lower lip. There was a question that he had hoped he would never have to answer, being as the sentiments and memories that he often associated with that day were things that he had never dreamed to feel, particularly towards Duo. He thought that he had let those emotions drop, but now that he actually had to mill over it in his head, he realized that there was more love of the braided moron left there than he was ready to accept himself, much less talk about, with Relena in the room no less! He decided to be as concise about replying as he possibly could. "It was one of the best days of my life. I found someone I thought had been lost forever. I was almost beginning to think that war had been a good thing, since war is what brought me such excellent friends like you. You know I… I really did miss you."
"I know," Duo almost sighed, his eyes closed as he leaned his head backwards to rest on the window frame. "It can rain forever. I don't care. It reminds me of you."
"Because of that day?" Heero asked, turning his head to face Duo, no longer resorting to sideways glances at his friend from the corner of his eye. He figured he should not have to feel uncomfortable around Duo. It was strange but he rarely did, except in instances when Duo would look at him with a look that seemed to dictate so much more than just friendship.
"Among other things," Duo said slyly, his mouth spreading into a mischievous grin. He turned his entire body so that both his legs were draped outside the window, tapping against the brick wall with his heels in a rhythmic pattern as he leaned out the window, the rain falling merrily on his head and wetting his hair. A memory of those kisses shot through Duo's mind, and he could almost taste Heero on his tongue once more, a flavor that the rain could restore with great ease. "Water makes me think of you. So many different kinds of emotions from one kind of element, trying so hard to be heard, but misunderstood by the rest of the world."
Each raindrop would plummet downwards, falling upon Duo's long chestnut pleat and running in a slick trail down an individual strand of silky hair, Heero found himself noticing, as he stepped from his spot beside the window to a leaning position upon the windowsill, head also peeking outside into the damp rain soaked atmosphere outside. "What do you mean?" he asked, really having no clue as to what Duo was going on about.
Duo closed his eyes again, flicking his head back with a little flurry of water inside the room, showering Heero's back and the foot of Relena's bed. All this time, she had been watching the exchange with red eyes, seething at the attention Heero was giving Duo while at the same time a nagging voice in the back of her head was telling her that this was what made Heero happy, not her. She looked to her side at the purple flowers beside her, noting for the first time a yellow post-it note plastered to the side of the glass bottle they sat in. I'm sorry, Relena. We both are, and if you can find it in your heart to forgive us, we can forgive you. –Duo (Heero too) PS Hope you don't think the flowers are too ugly; it was all Heero could find. Beneath the message was a crude drawing of what she supposed was to be a teddy bear. She smiled weakly, noting to herself that the yellow streaked flowers were indeed rather beautiful, despite Duo's sarcastic little note, and looked back at the pair at the window. Duo was fingering his braid whilst Heero flopped over the windowsill into the rain, drumming his fingers steadily on the top of Duo's boot.
"Duo?" Heero asked, his fingers coming to a stop on his shoe, simply gripping the toe as he spoke.
"Yep?"
"Why do you stay?" He did not look at his friend as he spoke, keeping his eyes on the rain outside as he waited for an answer, his other hand wrapped around the old baseball he had received from Duo. He had been tossing it to himself for nearly all of the past night, the simply action being the only thing that could keep him from worrying about Duo and even Relena before the whole thing became to extreme for him to bear.
"Well I really felt bad about what we had to do to Relena and I just can't help but feel that—"
"No, not about staying here, though I will admit that was going to be my next question," Heero cut him off, now toying with one of the buckles on Duo's boot. "About staying with me. I want to know why! I'm cold and uncaring and still you stay! Why?"
"I told you," Duo reached down and pulled Heero back into the room by the collar of his shirt. Heero leaned on one elbow, turning to look Duo straight in the eye, almost dreading what the braided boy would have to say. "I love you, Heero. Beyond brotherhood." When Heero was silent, Duo took that as a cue to just keep talking. "I wish you could understand what's happening to my heart, Hee-chan. It might be okay for you to close your eyes and wish for all the things you don't want to face to just rush on past you but me, I'm different, Hee-chan. You and I both knew that perfectly well before I ever had to voice it. I can't survive on stolen kisses and accidental touches alone but… but like I said, I'm a soldier still, I guess, and I'll do what I have to in order to carry on."
"I see," he said quietly, turning to look at Duo, his eyes misted with the haze of confusion. The rain did the only speaking for some time until either of them found words to break its unyielding chatter.
"Could you allow a fool to be in love with you?" Duo asked at long last, watching Heero, even his most minute movements found by Duo's acute vision.
"If the fool isn't stupid enough to realize that he's in love with a machine," Heero said in a forlorn voice as he buried his head in his hands, his thick brown bangs feathering between his fingers. Duo could have sworn he heard the Japanese boy sobbing quietly into his palms.
"No, not a machine, just a soldier who has lost his direction," Duo reached forward to pull Heero's hands away from his face. "Don't do that, Hee-chan. I can't see your beautiful eyes when you cover your face like that."
"My eyes…?" He peered at his reflection in the window's glass, realizing that he had never really looked at his eyes before, never noticed that river of dark blue that flowed around his coal black pupils, the fine lines of a paler blue that were penned within those cobalt rings, or the way his thick black lashes curled slightly up at the corners of his slanted Oriental eyes, much like an elf.
"Oh yes, your eyes are magnificent," Duo gushed, scooting forward on the windowsill as so he could be closer to Heero. "Eyes are the window to the soul, have you ever heard that? You must have a beautiful soul to go with such beautiful eyes, Hee-chan."
"I don't have a soul," Heero had started to say when he felt Duo's lightning quick hands of a thief shoot forward and catch his chin, forcing him to turn and look at Duo once more.
"You're a dreadful liar, you silly bastard," Duo was smiling warmly at him, his thumb stroking Heero's soft cheek affectionately, the delicate flesh warming beneath his touch. Duo could almost swear he had seen a pale blush dusting the perfect soldier's features as his thumb played back and forth on his skin.
It seemed to the God of Death that his luck to be at an all time high, considering that he was still alive and that their mission had been completed (more or less), Duo decided to push the limits. He leaned forward and kissed Heero gently on the forehead, barely lifting his lips from that sweet skin as he let his mouth creep down the gentle slope of Heero's perfect nose, where he laid another fragile kiss before pilfering Heero's lips for his own in a desperate and longing touch. While Heero was not exactly kissing him back, the stoic young boy was not resisting him either, allowing Duo to let his passion flood in the torrent of his swirling kiss.
Relena was still watching this exchange with disbelieving eyes. She had not been able to hear anything either of the boys had said to each other, their voices had been so hushed and secretive, as if the words they were speaking were meant only for their ears and not even God had the right to listen in. Her eyes had dilated to small pale blue circles as she watched Duo lean forward and plant a series of kisses upon a seemingly willing Heero. She felt her heart twist and convulse at the sight, realizing for the first time that Heero could barely stand her holding his hand, more or less a kiss. He had never let her do that to him. And that was not the worst of it. She found herself almost relieved that he seemed so occupied with Duo. Perhaps… perhaps Duo was right…. Maybe he was just a desperate hope I was clinging to. But still I… I can't help but feel like it should be me over there…. So why…? Why is it that I…?
"At least I won't have to die alone," Duo flashed Heero a strangely cryptic grin as he pulled away. "I have you here!"
"What are you talking about?" Heero stared at Duo intently, his eyes narrowing into that classic Yuy death glare the Japanese pilot was so fond of shooting at his paradox of a friend. "I don't like it when you say things like that, Duo. It's kind of… scary…."
"Yeah?" Duo arched a slim eyebrow over one blue-flecked indigo eye as he thoughtfully nipped the skin inside his cheek with his teeth. "Well death is a part of life, my dear boy. Might as well get used to it."
"You still have a long time to live," Heero said in his usual bland voice, stating what he thought to be the obvious truth. His eyes became tiny slits wreathed in thick eyelashes, the piercing Prussian blue of his irises shimmering from beneath his thick dark bangs. "You promised you wouldn't kill yourself. Don't tell me you lied to me."
"Ah, so you do remember that day as well!" Duo smirked. Gotcha again, Heero. "Nevermind though. I would never dream of inflicting a premature death upon myself. It's all just some wicked accident that I'm still alive anyway."
"You always like to say that," Heero said, his eyes still thin, though his mouth was curled in a definite smile that told Duo that he was just trying to try his nerves. Heero had gotten pretty good at that over the years, Duo had to admit, and not just with the whole mission/soldier/serious thing. Rarely was his commentary that harsh 'get the hell away from me or I'll kill you' sort, more genuine and meant for humour. It was one of those joking sort of jests, the kind that Duo loved being victim of, particularly if his tormenter was one Heero Yuy. Hey, you reap what you sow, he chided himself.
"They found the photo negatives you nipped from Quatre that time, you know," Duo said, his expression echoing the crafty look in Heero's eyes. The sudden widening of the ex Wing pilot's eyes proved to Duo that he had captured the other boy's interest. "Heh, yeah, and you had me going like you had shredded those. Looks like someone doesn't like to forget so easily either."
"I… I couldn't bring myself to get rid of them," Heero said quickly, his hastened words not being a lie, just not the complete the truth. "That had been a good day too. You were… I… just forget it."
"Ah! A new ploy! Sincerity!" Duo laughed. "Don't forget that day, Hee-chan. But I suppose if you don't want to talk about it, that's fine by me. I'll just let my dirty little mind do all the work and make up whatever you wanted to say. Let me warn you, I just might quote you on it later."
"You're twisted," Heero said, his thin lips still in that mysterious smile as he gave Duo a playful elbow in the gut. "I suppose I can't hold it against you. You're off in a world of your own."
"Eh, it's okay. They know me here," he quipped without delay, his words never failing to come quick. He winked childishly at Heero. "So…."
"So?" Heero sighed, staring back out at the rain. A low rumble of thunder could be heard over the hills. "Hmm, that should make you happy, Duo. A real thunderstorm."
"Yeah," Duo let out a pleased little moan as he watched a crackle of lightning flicker across the sky.
Heero could not help but note to himself that the mysterious young American sitting in the window beside him had begun to unfurl a bit, letting him know more than he thought possible with those three little words. And though Heero had this feeling like those words meant quite more than he understood at the time, he could not quite pinpoint just what it was. He was confused, just as confused as he had always been. He decided to just get what he had planned to do initially out of the way. Walking back over to the chair where he had laid Duo's trench coat, he lifted the heavy leather garment and picked up the small transistor from where it had fallen on the seat. "Here," he said, offering Duo the radio, returning to the window. Duo looked over his shoulder to see Heero holding out the transistor and smiled gratefully at him.
"Hey, thanks Heero," Duo spun around, leaping off the windowsill and stepping towards Heero, doing his best to keep off his bad foot and conceal the pain. "Guess I won't be lonely tonight. Can't sleep right without music when I'm alone. Best rest I ever had were those times way back when you used to hold me until I fell asleep." He could feel a crimson blush creeping through the skin over his cheeks, and he was sure that his entire body was flushed bright red. Heero had never been one to be openly affectionate, but during the war, when Duo had the worst of times getting a nightmare free sleep, Heero had always been the first to put his arms around his frightened companion until he fell asleep on his shoulder.
Heero remembered those times as well. He glanced briefly over Duo's shoulder to see what Relena's reaction to that would be, though it seemed she had fallen asleep. If it were not for the slight twitching of an eyebrow, Heero might have actually fallen for the ruse, she was feigning slumber so well.
"Just… just take it," Heero said quickly, shoving the radio forward again, the metal device slamming into Duo's chest as he thrust it at his friend.
"Eeeish, oww," Duo grimaced, buckling over a slight bit and gripping his stomach as he doubled over in pain.
"God, Duo!" Heero recoiled his hand like a spring, tossing the radio aside onto the other bed as he went to grab Duo. "What's wrong?"
"Just a little… hard…." Duo winced, trying to force a smile.
"I barely touched you, you idiot!" Heero snapped, his worry over his friend practically dripping out of his ears as he guided Duo over to the spare bed. With one fell movement of his hand, he wrenched off Duo's shirt, causing the American to let out a low growl of discomfort. Heero's eyes first grew wide with surprise and then narrowed to deadly slits that beamed nothing but anger when he saw the field of bruises that littered Duo's torso. There were even the remains of sloppily healing wounds on his arms and over his chest. Heero gritted his teeth, his rage at Relena for allowing such a thing to happen surging around him in an intense aura that seemed to make the air in the room thick. He turned to glower at her 'sleeping' form. He knew she was aware of the death glare he was sending her way and he hoped it damn well shook the life out of her. "What did they do to you?" he questioned Duo, who lay there with his eyes tactfully averting his friend's as he chewed his lip in an effort to suppress the now-obvious pain. "Why didn't you tell anyone?"
"Didn't want you to worry," Duo managed to say with a weak grin as Heero went about fingering each of Duo's bruises, watching the American's face for a reaction to judge how severe the injuries were.
"That's a lame excuse," Heero said in his simple curt tone. "I'm going to get one of the nurses to look you over. You're obviously in no shape for bounding around like that. How long has it been hurting? Is the pain constant or is it off and on?"
"Sometimes it hurts more than others, but it always manages to hurt a little," Duo said honestly, not wishing to lie to Heero. He had never lied in his life before, and he figured he did not want to start now.
"You lie still then," Heero commanded, pushing Duo back into the flat hospital pillow. "If I come back and I see you've moved off that bed, you'll have a whole new list of injuries to add to the ones you got on the mission."
"I love how you are so threatening even when you're trying to do something nice," Duo squinted his eyes shut and stuck out his tongue with a childish smile adorning his cherubic face. "I guess there's no stopping you. Go to it before I die then, if you're so worried."
The corners of Heero's mouth quirked at the strangely funny comment, despite its morbid phrasing, as he turned abruptly on his heel on his quest of going find a staff member to examine Duo. He had known that Duo had suffered some form of abuse while in captivity, but he had not realized the damage had been that bad, that crippling. Duo for his part had never let on that he was in pain of any kind until Heero had unexpectedly touched him like that. If even little nudges like that make him buckle over, there is certainly some serious stuff going on there. I hope he'll end up okay…. He frowned at that thought, wondering why he was so worried over injuries that were sure to heal in a few days. He would have never made such a fuss over something like this way back when he and Duo had first met, but now, he found himself always fawning over Duo, making sure he was perfectly alright. He used to like to tell himself that it was because that when Duo was happy and carefree, he would make sure that he was feeling that sense of freedom too. But now he was no longer sure that silly justification was the only reason he cared so much for Duo's well being….
There was a thin sliver of moon hanging in the black sky outside the window. Relena could see it barely etched against the sparse dark blue clouds that were painted across the heavens as she lay in the hospital bed, watching the only image that would calm her raging emotions. But no matter how calming the moon was, it was also cold and did not respond to the sad stories she had to tell. Glancing down from the window, to the more immediate outline of Duo's bed that sat just feet away from her own, she could make out his barely moving body, curled up his side. It's my fault he's like that, she said to herself, beating her conscience up mentally at the notion that she was the cause of the near-death of a man who had helped to attain the peace she had sought so desperately. And now all I've done is push them both away from me, no matter what they say. They'll never look at me quite the same way ever again.
In a chair between the two beds was Heero, toppled over the arm on Duo's bed, his head resting beside the American's in a peaceful slumber, hand wrapped tightly around his friend's. Relena found her eyes magnetized to that link between the two, seeing the way Heero's fingers were curled so possessively and yet at the same time, delicately, about Duo's slender hand. She could see their foreheads barely touching on the one pillow, their bangs falling over each other in a mixture of different shades of brown. He'll never hold my hand like that…. He never would have, I guess, and now I know he never will….
Her train of thought was interrupted as Heero let out a low groan in his sleep, rearranging himself in his chair and rearranging his head on the pillow, pulling Duo's hand closer to his own body. "Duo," she heard him mumble amid his shifting. "You'll be okay, Duo."
She wanted to just fall asleep and ignore the scene before her. It hurt too much, and even though she had heard that sometimes the truth hurt more than a lie, it was starting to dawn upon her that the infatuation she had for Heero had been naught but a wicked lie. She had been living a lie….
"I know you don't like it," Heero was muttering now, still moving slightly as he went on whispering in his sleep to the gently snoring boy on the bed. "But I had to do it… shoot her that is."
"Why?" Duo was speaking now. His eyes were still covered by his masked by his dark eyelids. Whether or not he was talking in his sleep as well, Relena could not tell, but she was listening intently now, unable to tear her ears away from this hushed conversation.
"She was the vision of innocence but…."
Duo let out another low snore as he shook his mane of chocolate hair, the barely braided tresses catching the silvery blue moonlight as the danced over his back and fell over the bed again. So he had been sleeping….
"Innocence almost killed love." His words were breathy and almost nonexistence, as if they were the words spoken in a tenuous dream that would shatter with the slightest breeze.
Relena realized that she had been biting her lip so hard that blood had begun to drip down her chin. In his subconscious, Heero had no idea what he was rambling about, but she remembered reading somewhere that the subconscious put together the thoughts and truths of the mind to form what was commonly labeled as a 'dream.' Heero's subconscious was whispering to him about love, and the sleeping Japanese was wording his thoughts to the one who obviously was alighting in his mind's eye.
And it was not she.
"Miss Relena," she vaguely heard a voice in the fog that surrounded her half-asleep mind. Someone shook her gently and spoke again. "Hey, Miss Relena, wake up."
She forced her eyes open, the blurry image of Wufei beginning to focus in. He was bent over her bed, already full clad in his Preventers uniform, prodding her good shoulder gently in an effort to rouse her.
"You need to eat breakfast and take your medication," he was saying as she sat up, her eyes falling upon the steaming bowl of cinnamon covered oatmeal beside the bed. "You don't want that wound to start hurting again, do you?"
Beyond the bowl was the vase of flowers and the chair Heero had been sitting in the night before. Then she realized that the bed beside the chair was empty, Duo's trench coat was gone and there seemed to be no trace that either boy had been there the night before. "Wufei!" she exclaimed, sitting completely up straight now, despite the shooting pain in her shoulder and arm. "Where's Heero? What happened to them?"
Wufei sighed, dropping down on the other bed as he folded on leg over the other. "They left very early this morning to catch a flight back up to L1. The sun hadn't even been up by the time they'd gone."
"Oh," she said simply. She reached for the spoon lying beside the bowl and began the slow process of feeding herself one handedly with her non-dominate side.
"Did you think it would have been easier if you had seen them off?" Wufei beat her to the quick, stabbing her thoughts exactly. He always had great intuition that way. "This has all been very strange for everyone. I don't think anything like this has ever happened before."
"Please don't remind me," she groaned between bites. "It really doesn't make me feel good thinking about what I did."
"No, maybe not," Wufei said with a little forward nudge of his head, his thin black eyebrows arched as he spoke. "You may regret your actions, but you should be able to learn from your mistakes. If you forget what you did, then it only leaves room for you to make the same blunder once more. Tell me, Miss Relena, have you learned from your mistakes?"
"A little, I guess," she put the spoon aside, suddenly losing her appetite. She quickly reached for the two caplets sitting beside the glass of milk that had come with her breakfast and downed them before she went on. "I feel like I've lost a part of me. I don't know how I will go on without... Heero…."
Wufei looked at her quizzically, resting his chin in his hands. "You loved him that much? Are you sure?"
"Duo said he thought he was my way of escaping," Relena said softly, thinking about the words Duo had spoken to her while he had been in her keeping. She twisted the blankets in her fingers nervously at the thought, knowing how hard the delicate memory was to think about. "I almost feel like he was right, now that I think on it."
Wufei closed his eyes, images of a certain young black haired girl from his past rushing through his mind. "Love is not always something that is obvious. Perhaps what you felt for Yuy was love. Maybe your love was an escape. But whatever it was," he opened his eyes once more, the murky black pearls staring over the space between the beds at her, "do you love him enough to let him go?"
"Let… go?"
Meilan danced across Wufei's mind once again, reminding him what it felt like to be in love before he spoke again. It would be unjust to misguide her; I must choose my words carefully. "You could love someone very much, but sometimes, things aren't always meant to be. You could love him enough to want to be with him, and I think it would take a strong person to want to love, even if that love was not returned. However, I think it takes a stronger person to let go of the one they love if it really just isn't meant to be."
"Wufei…." She could see in his eyes that the words he was speaking came not from years of ponderous logic, but from his heart, a heart that might have been deprived of love for many years as well.
The expression chiseled onto his hard face looked longing and almost sad, like if he were recalling a very dear and important memory as he went on with what he had to say. "I loved someone once, a very long time ago. Though it took me a long time to realize too late what love was, I had to let go of her. She's the only one I ever really loved, and I love her still, but I had to let her go. The gods took her away from me. I guess it just wasn't meant to be. I've learned to move on with my life. I can't dwell on the past when I have an entire life in front of me to live. I hope you realize that as well, Miss Relena."
"God has not taken Heero away from me!" she said almost desperately, begging as if Wufei had the power to change what Heero felt in his heart.
"But God has given his heart to someone else," Wufei responded, those dark eyes shining with the vast intellect that they screened. "You would have to be stupid, blind or both not to see that he loves Maxwell."
"They're like brothers!" Relena insisted. "Wufei! You were in the war with them! You know, they're like brothers, aren't they?"
His gaze falling downwards once more, that reminiscent look crossing his features, he let out a low chuckle. "Maybe if you only walked by them on the street and saw Maxwell laughing that stupid laugh of his and Yuy trying hard to ignore his antics, yeah, you might say they were like brothers. But if you fought side by side with them and took time to know them, you would soon see that there was much more to that relationship, even if they were both thick enough not to realize it. It seems that the world seems to notice things like that before the two people ever do."
"Huh?" Relena could not see what Wufei was thinking about, and his words proved to be nothing more than a mystery, alluding to some particular image in his head.
"Seeing the way Yuy was making such a big fuss about the contusions he found on Maxwell yesterday made me remember a time when the three of us were captives of OZ together," he was saying, his expression now glassy, as if he had left the present and was no longer aware of the sterile hospital room or the wounded Vice Minister lying in the bed. "Yuy was doing his best to act like a perfect bastard, not saying much and just staring darkly ahead of him as if he wanted to kill something. Maxwell, well, he was doing his best to act like that annoying bubbly knot of cheer he likes to use to cover up when he's really feeling hurt inside, while I sat in the corner, meditating and just watching. I had never really spoken much to either of them, and what I knew about them was from databases and things passed along by word of mouth. I could tell you right now, Miss Relena, I learned the most I ever learned about the both of them during that time."
"Wufei, what are you getting at?" Relena sort of whined, wondering where he was trying to go with this seemingly pointless story. Wufei had always been the sort to make a story more than just a retelling of events, but a lush philosophical image that most certainly held meaning of some kind.
"Shh, Miss Relena. Just listen," Wufei put a finger to his lips to emphasize his request before he continued the story. "Heh, Yuy seemed to think I was either not paying attention or asleep at the time. I remember watching him from beneath half-lidded eyes as he took the loudmouth in his arms and silenced him with lying the back of his hand over his mouth before he spread the idiot out over his lap and checked his body over carefully for injuries. He was very gentle with him, his hands playing over Maxwell's near limp form in a tender way that you would never expect from someone so cold. It was almost as shocking as when he let Maxwell sleep with his head on his shoulder all night, as if it were the most natural thing in all the world. It was there, even then, Relena. It's still there. It always will be there. Yuy cares for Maxwell more than anyone, and it would take a moron not to notice it. Too bad the both of them happen to be the biggest morons I've ever met in my entire life."
Innocence almost killed love, the words Heero had spoken in his sleep the night before rang through her head. She had almost killed Duo… she had almost killed his…. It all was starting to become a dismal reality.
"Relena," Wufei rose, seeing the look of hesitance and fright illuminating her girlish face, walking to the foot of the bed and leaning on the footboard. He said her name again, his voice definite and assertive. "Relena, I want you to listen to me. One day, you'll meet someone who will be charming and perfect and wonderful just for you. Maybe he hasn't come along just yet but there has to be someone out there amongst the stars who can make you happy. My love has already returned to those stars. That doesn't mean that they won't send me another. I will wait for her. She'll come to me." Wufei nodded and stood back up, straightening his Preventers jacket. Before he left the room, his hand resting on the doorknob, he said reassuringly as if to help dry the tears forming in Relena's eyes. "He's out there, somewhere, Relena. Think of how many moments have passed you by because you were so caught up with something that just wasn't meant to be. Open your heart up to the world. There is so much out there if only you would look." He smiled faintly. "I think it's time innocence met adulthood. Don't let life just go by like that."
She could only nod dumbly at him.
Before the door closed behind him, the Chinese boy stuck his head into the room and said in a comforting voice, "You shouldn't feel like anyone has the right to tell you how to experience life, but you should be able to understand for yourself when you 'ought to just let things go. I'll ask you again, do you love him enough to let him go?"
Relena let out a heavy sigh and spoke the one word that she knew would change her life forever, the one word she thought she would never say, but knew in her heart that she meant with every fiber of her existence.
"Yes."
—O—
