Key:

~~~~~~~ breaks

======= computer entry

*********** flashback (there's only one)

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Part 2

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Heero's Mission Statement

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I don't know what Yume has planned for me. Unfortunately she's getting Xellos involved and quite frankly, I don't trust anything Xellos does unless I can successfully shoot him. Yume's managed to actually talk me into sitting in my room for awhile. I don't mind at all. I have a secret place for all the pictures I have of Duo and Kirin and I look at them constantly.

A picture of Duo sleeping in the bathroom; I remember that moment. We had just painted his room and he couldn't stand the smell. It didn't help that chlorine mixed with arsenic and flammable gas was in the paint base, but I played innocent even though I knew Kirin was the one who mixed the chemicals. It was Kirin's night with me and Duo didn't want to interfere so he stayed in the bathroom. I took a picture of him and stored it in the many memories I made with him.

Then there's this picture of Kirin, sitting on top of the roof, gazing at the sunset. I didn't even have to look to the horizon to know how enormous and beautiful the sun was. I could see it in her eyes. Peaceful and serene. I was lucky to take a picture of her just as Duo came from behind her and pushed her off the roof. I'm amazed she was even startled. But then Kirin always had a good grip on things and because Duo was stupid enough to leave his braid dangling over the side, he fell off the roof and broke her fall.

Duo seems to be getting banged up a lot ever since Kirin came along. It didn't help that Kirin had a natural dislike to him. I admit, Duo was annoying in the beginning of our relationship, but he grew on me. Kirin and I were just too alike that I don't think I even noticed anything different in our relationship.

Uh-oh. Yume's giving me that look. I know that look. Kirin gives me that look when she's planning on doing something crazy to me. Yume and Kirin have been spending too much time together. I'll have to fix that.

Great, Xellos is with her and he's holding some sort of...rod. I can only see the top half. Xellos' damn cape is obstructing the lower portion. I don't like the way the both of them are smiling at me. Why do I have a feeling this is a bad idea?

Omae o korosu.

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Heero pushed away from his desk and stood to meet with Yume who still had a coy smile plastered on her face. "What are you doing?"

"Soldier, to ATTENTION!"

Heero glared at his sister. "I don't follow your orders. If at all possible, you should be following mine."

"Just do it, Heero. It's for your own good." Yume giggled softly and gazed at Xellos behind her.

Xellos continued smiling with his eyes closed and shut the door behind him as he entered. "At attention, Heero."

Heero straightened, arms at his sides. "What is this all about?"

"You'll see." Yume nodded at Xellos who simply snapped his fingers and several large Gundanium rings wrapped around Heero's arms, pinning them to his sides. "Since I know you and Duo do it all the time, this shouldn't be too hard for you."

"What?"

Yume turned Heero so that he was now facing the wall. She made him bend over in a perfect ninety degree angle and wrapped her hands at the hems of his shorts. "Ready, Xel?"

"Yume, what the hell are you doing?"

"It's called an anal probe, bro." Yume smiled broadly. "Xellos is an expert on this. Just relax your butt cheeks and it'll glide right in. It's lubricated isn't it, Xel?"

"Huh." Xel promptly pushed the probing end of the rod into his mouth and sucked for a moment, getting the tip nice and wet.

Yume found it strangely enticing, but remember the task at hand. "The rod is a kind of Gay Meter, so to speak. The further we ram it in, the more gay you are. If there's some resistance, you're not really hardcore gay!"

Heero thought Yume sounded a little too cheerful. "You are not ramming that rod in me."

"Of course I'm not!" said Yume. She leaned close to Heero's ear. "Xellos is."

Before Heero could even comprehend what was going on, Yume pulled his shorts down and spread his les. "OMAE O KOROSU!"

Xel pulled the blunt tip from his mouth and positioned it just outside of Heero's rectum. "Open wide."

"Omae o Korosu!" Heero repeated, ominously.

The rod slid in, just as Yume predicted, but stopped, just a few centimeters in. Xellos stared innocently at the rod. "It should go in a little deeper than this." He jabbed the rod further in, emitting a squawk from Heero.

"HN!"

"Ooh, good one, bro." Yume eyed the rod. "Only three inches? You've been screwing Duo for HOW LONG?" She found the irony in her last statement. "How long is he, anyway?"

Xel pulled back the rod for a moment then jerked it forward. "It must be a real tight space in there."

"Fuck." Heero resigned. He struggled with the Gundanium rings but found any movement caused the rod to...vibrate. "Why the hell is that goddamn rod vibrating?"

That was as much expletives Yume had ever heard from her brother. She petted Heero's head. "You're a real screamer underneath that perfect exterior aren't you bro? But to answer your question...sore wa himitsu desu!"

"YUME! Get this thing out of me!" Heero snarled.

Xel shook his head at Yume. "No, we can't. Not yet. We're not getting the correct readings. Further. We have to go in further."

Heero hadn't realized it, but while trying to pull away from the rod, only to be pulled back, it seemed he was enjoying it. "You are not going to go any further. I won't allow it!"

"Ignore him, Xel." Yume was more than adequately amused at the predicament her brother was in. "How long does it have to be?"

"I don't know." Xel shrugged. "Until the red light goes away."

This was a first for Yume. She hadn't notice the red light on top of the hilt before. "And if the red light goes away?"

"If the red turns to green, then we can get the correct readings. Then," Xellos pointed to a dark purple light. "This will light up meaning we've got the result." he pointed to a two more lights, pink for gay and blue for straight. "Then the result will light up either one of these pretty colors."

"Ah." Yume grabbed a hold of the rod and for fun, moved it from side to side.

"Hn. Mm. Shit. Omae, ah, fuck it." Heero resolved to being used as a guinea pig, not that it wasn't a bad position he was in.

Xel stood directly behind Heero now, trying to find a better reception for the rod. "I think it has to be in a certain angle. Straight is not working for him."

"Then move it around." Yume explained, as if it wasn't a big deal that she was enjoying watching her brother being probed by her boyfriend, Xel. "It has to find some sort of frequency, doesn't it?"

"I suppose. I only used this once before." Xel placed a hand on Heero's hip while shoving the rod deeper into Heero's canal. "Can you feel that, Heero? Can you?"

Heero's lips were bleeding from biting too hard. How the hell could Xellos ask him that when he was standing behind him, a rod up his ass, and his hand on his hip? For that matter, how could he say that so damn calmly?

"Get...it...off..." Heero growled. The inside muscles clenched and unclenched. He swore he was going to break it with his ass if they didn't take it out now.

Xel began to pull and push the rod in and out at a rhythmic pace, still trying to see if the length of the rod would go in any further. He was oblivious to the noise and reaction he was receiving from Heero. "I don't understand. If what you say is true, Yume, then the rod should be in a good six-seven inches. It only goes up to three."

"Push harder." Yume leaned on Heero's back as if he weren't there. "If Heero's cock reflects how much he could take up the ass, then it should be a good seven inches or more."

How could they talk as if this was an all natural occurrence? This was the last time he'd ever ask for Yume's help ever again!

"Ok." Xel braced himself behind Heero more firmly, his purple cape brushing against Heero's bare buttocks. "Have you ever played football, Heero?"

"Football?" Heero gasped. Wasn't that some American sport with big large men, touching each other's asses and passing a ball on a football field? "What does that have to do with this?"

Xel laughed softly. "Green 31. Green 33. Green 45. HIKE!"

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Kirin Shido perked up. She looked at Zero who turned her head and gazed at the bathroom. "Is that who I think it is?"

"I believe it is Duo." said Quatre, rubbing his forehead. "I wonder why he said 'yes' three times?"

Kirin stood, stalking towards the bathrooms. "I don't believe this." She pushed the bathroom door open and gawked at the sight she saw. "Well, Duo, you certainly have proved you can bend both ways."

"Get out of here, Shido!" Duo screamed.

Kirin tipped her head to the side to the other person in the small space. "And Shin, such a respectable person and you're down on your knees. Hmm."

Zero appeared behind Kirin. "What all the commotion about? Oh, hey-Shin! That's getting down and dirty."

Shin's mouth was too preoccupied to answer. Instead, she kicked the door shut, leaving Kirin and Zero giggling manically back to the table where they were joined by Poa, Trowa, and Wufei.

"What happened in there?" asked Quatre. "Is Duo alright?"

"Oh, he's more than alright, Quatre." Zero smirked. "What do you have to say, Kirin?"

"Trowa," Kirin said pleasantly, "I think you should consider making room for Duo on that colony of yours."

"Why is that?" Trowa demanded, curious as well as furiously mad.

"Do you want to look into the bathroom and see what Shin's doing?" asked Kirin.

"I think we should we go back." asked Ayako. "Whatever Duo and Shin are doing, I think we should leave them alone."

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Kirin's Journal

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I got home today and Heero wasn't here. I thought Yume said that they'd be staying home? Well, if it's any consolation, Xellos is here. That wolf Yume and Xel call Corbin is peeing in our garden. Funny, huh? I never knew we had a garden. Maybe it was Duo's. But if it's Heero's, at least he doesn't have to worry about watering it for a whole month.

The other's have come home with me. Trowa stayed behind just in case. I think he's a sweet older brother, watching over Shin like a hawk and threatening to kill anything that fits the description of every man in the universe.

Why am I talking about Shin? Well, seeing as what she and Duo were doing in the bathroom at that restaurant, I was just thinking. If Heero found out, would he still stay with Duo?

You're probably wondering why I'm not calling Duo any names right now, huh? I'm too tired. I haven't had a good night's rest like I should of had. Heero's a fuck-nut. Yes, you head me right. Heero is a fuck-nut. He fucks anything that walks on two legs. Anything with a piece of meat hanging in the front. And anything where he could put his cock in.

No, I'm not upset. I'm just observing all of this. Am I here only because I'm a warm place Heero could put that monstrosity in me? Excuse me, its not a monstrosity. It's the eighth wonder of the world. Hard to believe I can actually fit that thing in me. Hell, it's hard to believe that something that big isn't suffering from some rare disease. Elephantitis- or however you spell it, I'm too tired to think.

What the hell was that? It came from Heero's room. Is that Yume? I think I can make out Heero. But...Xellos? Oh, I know he's here but why with Heero? Heero doesn't trust him as long as he can't shoot him. I better take a look.

==================================================================================================

Kirin slid away from her desk and knocked quietly on Heero's door. "Heero, you ok in there?" When she heard nothing, she tried to open the door. "Heero, what's going on? Are you ok in there?"

Yume opened the door a crack and grinned at Kirin. "Sorry, but we're trying to fix up Heero for you."

"Fix? What did you do to him, Yume?"

"Nothing! We were just giving him a little test! We're still in the early stages of it. Come back in an hour and I think he'll have a decision for you." Yume paused for a minute. "Where's Duo?"

"With Shin. She was giving him a blow job in the restaurant so we left. Trowa's still there, though."

"Ah. This is all in your favor, Kirin. Be right back."

Kirin stared at the door for a moment longer. "You break him and I'll kill you!"

"Sure, sure!" Yume called from the other side of the door.

Kirin sighed softly as she turned and walked towards the living room.

Heero was bound and gagged. "KIRIN!"

Yume shook her head at the position her brother was in. "Xel, I thought you said seven or more, not ten."

"I guess I'm an overzealous football player." Xel shrugged. "Ok, Heero, clench your muscles like you're taking a shit."

Heero glared at the wall, refusing to look at Xellos or Yume, but did as he was told. His inner muscles clenched and surrounded the rod while Xel pulled. He was never going to go through with an experiment like this ever again. EVER!

Xel laughed when the rod pulled out thee inches. "Good. You're at the natural depth. Seven inches, right?"

The light on the rod turned from red to green. It stayed like that for a moment then turned to purple. The two light, pink and blue lighted and dimmed. The pink flashed for a moment then blue and remained.

"You're STRAIGHT!" Yume declared. "You're a little gay, but you are definitely straight!"

"Then get this fucking rod out of my ass!" Heero growled.

Yume grinned and got a firm grip on the rod. "Curious, Heero...do you like this?" She pumped the rod in and out in a quick succession, watching Heero flounder. She laughed maniacally as Heero's face turned a shade of red. "Ah, actions speak louder than words."

Before Yume could do any more, Heero began to squeeze his inner muscles, trying to get the rod out by force. "I think you've done enough for me."

"Oh, yes, did I tell you I wanted to be compensated for my time?" Yume asked pleasantly.

"What?" Heero turned to that he was facing Yume. "Compensated? You're my sister."

"Yes?" Yume pumped the rod again, making Heero squirm and moan. "It's just a...favor."

Heero didn't like the look in Yume's eyes nor did he like the fact that her hand was gripping the rod as if her life depended on it.

"Hn." After a moment. "Shit." After another moment. "Fuck."

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Duo fell limply to one side, staring at the female across the bathroom. "Well..."

"Well..." Shin repeated. She wiped at her mouth and glanced around the bathroom. "We're in the men's restroom."

"Yeah." Duo rose to his feet slowly, zipping up his pants and checking out his braid. "So..."

"So..." Shin helped herself up and mentally kicked herself for doing something in a public restroom. Thank god it was only Kirin and Zero who saw them. She didn't know what she'd do if Trowa walked in. What were they going to do? It was an awkward silence, more so since they were both talkative people.

Duo stared at Shin and for the first time, saw her as a woman. He liked the way her eyes shifted from green to lavender and back. He liked her curly hair and he thought she looked sexy with her glasses on. Blue suited her just as black suited him. His body was reacting again, not because he was freed from his cock-ring, but because of what he and Shin shared.

He stared hard at her, remembering her mouth on his organ, sucking and teasing, her head taking him in all at once. How come Heero never did that to him? Sure, he did it plenty of times to Heero, but Heero was so much of the silent participant. He didn't want to do anything. He just lay there and let him do the work! Well, no more! Duo was going to have a mistress!

"Want to do it again?"

Shin blinked rapidly, scratching her ears to make sure she heard correctly. "What was that?"

Duo unzipped his pants again and this time, laid it on the floor. "Do you want to be on top or should I?"

"Sex?" Shin squeaked. "Here? AGAIN?"

"Why not? Door's locked, right?" Duo eyed the lock. "It will be longer than five minutes, right?"

"Uh, um..." Shin's face turned a slight hue of red. "What...about Heero?"

"I'd say screw him, but your friend Kirin is already. And I don't want to add another person to the problem. I just want Heero, not an orgy." Duo explained. He pointed the floor again. "Do you want me to be on top?"

"Is that really going to be an issue here?" Shin demanded.

"Or we could always do yin-yang." Duo was finally undressed and waiting. "I can take it both ways, baby."

"Yin-yang?" Shin scratched her head. "Do you mean sixty-nine?"

"Yin-yang, sixty-nine, both sound dirty to me and I want to do it!" Duo sat cross-legged on the bathroom floor. "Don't worry about my clothes, I go to an expert dry cleaners."

"In a bathroom?" said Shin. This wasn't exactly what she had in mind for her sexual encounters with Duo to be like.

"Why not? If either one of us has to pee, we can just roll over."

Shin got a sick picture in her mind. "Maybe we shouldn't do sixty-nine or yin-yang or whatever the hell you call it."

"All right." Duo spread his legs and waited patiently. "Do you masturbate, Shin?"

Shin felt her face go completely red from either embarrassment or anger. "What kind of question is that?"

"I don't know." Duo shrugged. "I do. I do it a lot of times when I'm with Heero."

"Well I'm not Heero, am I?" Shin snapped, a little hurt and surprised. And yet, Duo looked so adorable and innocent. This would probably be one chance she'd ever have in making Duo see the error of his ways. "You're not just going to lie there are you?"

"Silent participation? No. I've had enough from Heero." Duo grinned at Shin. "Are we going to screw now?"

Shin made sure she'd keep this experience as far away from Trowa as possible. If she was successful in making Duo straight, she wouldn't want Trowa killing Duo. She stripped off her clothes leisurely and paused every so often to look at Duo for encouragement. The erect organ told her that she was doing everything perfectly fine.

"Come to me, Shin." Duo said softly. He opened his arms in an embrace and laughed when Shin quickly sat beside him. "I'm not going to bite you unless you want me to, Shin. But answer me this..." Duo helped ease Shin on her back. His fingers traced over the curves of her body, lingering just around her mid-section. "Do you masturbate?"

"DUO!"

Duo winced and laughed heartily. "I was just kidding, Shin!" He kissed her forehead and stopped thinking of Heero's method of lovemaking, not that he had any. All he did was lie down and say "Hn" most of the time. With Kirin, you couldn't even hear him, she was screaming too loud.

As Duo descended upon Shin, he realized that a sudden weight lifted from his back and it wasn't his braid. He then realized, as he moved deeper into Shin, that he wasn't missing Heero as much as he thought he would. He stared at Shin's taut expression, the way her eyes clenched shut and the little beads of sweat appearing over her brow. He watched her as she breathed his name and clutched him like a security blanket. She wasn't even attempting to hold anything back. She wanted him and she wanted him now.

"Shin." Duo sighed. He wanted her to look at him. To see her eyes when they both rode over the edge and exploded in pleasure and ecstasy. "Look at me, please."

Shin's eyes opened as Duo's body picked up an irregular rhythm, slamming his body into hers and virtually ignoring the banging sounds coming from the door. Couldn't those stupid people wait for a few more minutes? So what if they had to use the men's bathroom? They could use the women's!

"Get the fuck out of here!" Duo screamed at the door. He found it fascinating that Shin was now solely concentrated on him and their release.

"SHIN!"

Shin's eyes widened and went opaque just as her body broke free from the tension, allowing her to relax and to breathe. She felt warm liquid seep into her, felt the spinning world come to a gradual slow. "Oh, Duo...I-"

"SHIN!"

"Oh, SHIT!" Shin sat up, banging her head against Duo's. "OW! That's TROWA!"

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LATER THAT DAY...

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Kirin watched Heero curiously as he prowled the room, not even attempting to sit. It seemed whenever he attempted the action, he'd jump up like he had rammed a rod up his ass and someone, who will forever remain nameless, fucked him with that same rod a few billion times. "Heero, Yume said you have a special announcement for all of us."

Heero leaned against the wall and crossed his arms. "Where's Duo?"

"Last I heard," said Zero, smirking. "He was with Shin. And Trowa."

"It's been a few hours since then, Zero." said Quatre. "They should have been back by now."

"I admit I'm worried about Shin and Trowa." said Kirin. "I could careless about the Duo."

"We should look for them." said Ayako. "They're not familiar with the place except Duo. And what if he left them there at the restaurant?"

"Then he's a prick." Kirin answered. "He should at least be courteous enough to send them here."

Damen cleared his throat. "They're here. I just saw them outside the window."

Poa looked too calm and relaxed. She stared at Trowa just as he entered. "I hope I don't have to straighten anything out, Trowa."

Trowa, as silent as the day he met Poa, shook his head and sat on the arm of the chair. He gazed at Shin and Duo who walked into the apartment, arm in arm. "They have an announcement."

Heero straightened and for a small moment, felt a pang of longing for Duo. Then he remembered that...what did Yume call it?- a gay meter, and knew that he was slightly gay but fully straight. "We can start then."

"Us first." Shin interjected. "Please." She nudged Duo who nodded.

Heero waited. Judging by the way Shin clung to Duo like a second skin, it seemed Duo made his own decision without him. He'd miss him, then again, he'd have Kirin. "Fine. Go on."

"Duo and I are going to get married."

There were astonished faces as well as murmurs of congratulations. Quatre was the first to hug both Shin and Duo. "When's the ceremony?"

"In a few more months. We still have to plan and everything!" Shin said happily. She was genuinely happy, not to mention when Trowa saw her and Duo on the floor in the bathroom, he calmly took Duo away and they had a pleasant...talk.

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Trowa's one eye glowered at Shin then moved slowly towards Duo. His sister and the gay Duo Maxwell, in a public bathroom. He shook his head, his wayward bang following his movement. "Get dressed. We're going for a drive."

Shin swallowed hard. "Oh, no. Not the 'Drive.'"

"What's that?" Duo asked, pulling on his clothes. "Are we going anywhere special?"

"No, Duo, the 'Drive' is when Trowa drives around with my boyfriends, or in this case- you, to talk. Not nice, small talk, but talk about the future and stuff. Who knows what he'll say?"

"Huh." Duo shrugged. This won't be so bad." He and Shin both walked to the parking lot where Trowa had managed to get a transport truck.

"Get in. Shin, stay here. I'll pick you up later." Trowa said softly.

"Trowa! Don't kill him!" Shin cried. She watched as the truck drove away. "Oh, Duo..."

[SEVEN HOURS LATER]

Shin sat in the restaurant booth, ordering her thirtieth coke. She finally spotted the truck and jumped from the booth, greeting Duo and her brother. "So, what happened?"

Duo glanced at Trowa then nodded. He was handed a small box and got to one knee. "Shin, will you marry me?"

"How did this happen?" Shin gazed at the box. "Trowa?"

Trowa still looked grim. "If he didn't marry you, I'd cut off his braid and his manhood and jettison it to space. If he did, he'd have fifty percent of the royalties, plus, he'd be the father to your children."

"Oh, Trowa, that was so sweet of you!" Shin hugged Trowa and kissed Duo. "Let's go tell the others!"

Duo shrugged. Well, at least he didn't have to count on Heero to make the decision. Trowa's threat seemed more real since all of Heero's threats were all super-imposed bluffs. He gazed at Trowa who he thought looked a little cute with his eye covered like that. If he just moved that hair aside and wore something a little more revealing...wait, Trowa was a clown!

A sexy clown at that...

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"I think it's safe to say that I've made my decision." said Heero, glancing at Duo for any reaction. When he found none, he continued. "After a serious test, both Yume and Xellos have found that I am two percent homosexual and ninety-eight percent heterosexual."

Kirin was almost jumping for joy. But she remained quite. Heero was still speaking. "Is there any more news, Heero?"

Heero glanced at Yume, still remembering his sadistic little sister's ministrations on his ass. "The two percent of my homosexuality will be taken care of by Xellos."

Every face turned to Xellos who tried to blend into a neon-green painting Duo had purchased. The silence ensued until Kirin cleared her throat.

"What is Xellos going to do?" Kirin asked warily.

Yume cleared her throat. "Because you're one of my best friend's, Kirin. I'm going to cure Heero's gay-ness."

"You can't cure that." Kirin said absent-mindedly. "It his choice."

"Yes, I know. But I can narrow down that choice." said Yume. "I can make it so that he no longer has a choice to be gay. After all, he'll have you."

"And what about Duo?" asked Shin. "He needs to be cured, too!"

"Uh, ahh, Shin?" Duo laughed nervously. "Is that really necessary?"

"Yes!" Shin said sternly. She looked at Trowa. "Trowa?"

Trowa cleared his throat. "Either that or the braid, Duo."

Duo resigned himself to his fate. "Fine. I'll do it."

"Good! Does anyone want to watch?" Yume asked, jumping up.

Heero shook his head before Kirin could inquire. Instead, she was stolen away to Heero's room.

Yume crossed her arms. "Well, that's not good, Heero won't demonstrate for us." She turned to Xellos. "Get out our whipping boy!"

Wufei appeared wearing nothing but a loincloth. He was strapped to a metal bed with dual posts holding his arms and legs spread-eagle. His back was to the confused audience. "Get me off this contraption, woman!"

"Bend." Yume instructed Xellos. She watched as Wufei bent down in a ninety-degree angle and the barely-there loincloth gave the audience a glimpse of a pale ass. "Now, Duo, watch carefully. We'll do the same thing to you when it's your turn."

Xel had the rod in his mouth again, wetting it to a dull shine and pulling it out of his mouth for everyone to see. "The usual length of a man's canal is about ten inches. This rod is four feet long. You do the math."

Wufei began thrashing wildly. "What are you doing? What is that thing? What are you planning on doing to me?"

"Quiet, bitch!" Yume cried. She hit Wufei's ass with her leather whip. "You refer to me as Mistress Yume and Master Xellos! You speak out of turn and you'll be punished. Xellos..."

Xellos put on a pair of white gloves and parted Wufei's butt cheeks. "This is what I call a 'hole in one.'"

The rod was suddenly sucked into Wufei's canal as if it was a bottomless pit.

The entire audience in the living room, though horrified that Wufei was butt-naked, were even more astonished that the rod had gotten in at least twelve inches. On the first try.

"HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!" Duo screamed, moving closer to Wufei. "WHAT KIND OF FREAK ARE YOU?"

Wufei was turning red by the minute. "Would you mind not yelling at my ass, Maxwell?"

Xellos, for the first time, looked amazed- surprised even. "Well, even my first try I got in at least nine."

Wufei squirmed. "Get this poor excuse of a rod out of me!"

The red light on the rod turned to green just as the purple light turned on. Instead of the pink or blue lights lighting, it remained dark. Yume and Xellos looked at one another.

"What does that mean?" Yume asked.

"I think it means unknown."

"Check him out, Xel." Yume nodded to the front.

"Me? Why me?" Xel complained. "I don't want to. Besides, I'm a guy!"

"Is this really necessary?" asked Ayako. She looked at Damen. "I want to leave."

"So do I." said Zero. "It's bad enough that I have to see Wufei naked, but that rod...we're going home." she hoisted Quatre over her shoulder and began walking towards the front door.

Trowa, Shin, Poa, and Duo remained. Only Poa and Shin were curious.

"Take a little peak." said Yume. "Just once and then we'll quit it for now."

Xel shook his head. "I touche his ass. You look."

"Baby." Yume sucked up all her courage and flipped open the small piece of cloth that covered Wufei's front. "OH, MY GOD! WHAT IS THAT?"

To her, it looked like a pigs butt with a severely twisted tail. Yume gazed at Wufei then back at Xellos then at the other four in the living room. She took one last look and pulled the rod unceremoniously from his ass and began beating him with it. "What kind of monstrosity are you? You talk about how women are demeaning and useless and look at that poor excuse of a dick! It's not a dick at all! It's the epitome of ugly dicks! It's a fucking pig's tail you goddamn pervert! You sick bastard...!"

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[MUCH LATER...]

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Kirin walked into the kitchen, wanting to get a glass of water. There was a white sheet that covered part of the living room. As she stood by the faucet, drinking, she couldn't help but wonder what was under that sheet. Heero was waiting for her, ready for another round of frantic, hot, sex. She swore Heero was ready to tear her apart. Well, at least everyone was happy. For the time being. Thank god it didn't take a whole day for Heero to decide. She was actually glad that Yume was there to help, though Heero wouldn't talk about it.

Kirin put away the glass and walked over to the white sheet. Was this a gift from Yume? She peered under the sheet and stared. She continued staring even as Heero joined her.

"Kirin?"

Kirin shook head and looked at Heero. "Heero, fuck me. Fuck me now. NOW!" She pulled Heero up by his wrists and dragged him to their bedroom.

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Heero's Mission Statement

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I don't know what's gotten into Kirin. She was fine a few hours ago and recently she became a little shot. What did she see in the living room? She wouldn't tell me, let alone let me see. If I know Yume, it was probably Wufei and he was playing whipping boy.

Did Kirin see Wufei's operation? I don't think she should worry about it. Sally Po was a good woman, but now she's a better man, it was just the hormones that screwed up her body-his body. If she wanted to see something really scary, she should see Milliardo-oh, I mean Millenia Peacecraft. Relena's long lost older sister...

I really would have hated to see Kirin and Milliardo. Just the thought of Kirin and Milliardo wearing the same clothes worried me. But I'm thankful I have Kirin. Duo's happy and Yume got to name the rod after me.

Heero's Rod...It would have sounded better if it was Heero's Perfect Rod.

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END =P