Hello again! This story is ending very soon * cries *, but that will also mean that my other stories will be worked on even more, especially, *heh* MeRe IcE. *smiles* Okay, I have to admit it Henry was a bit out of character by running away…but I mean he loved Rika [well at least in this fanfic]…and he didn't really want to see her and Ryuin together [I kind of like Ryuin's character…all confused about what he truly feels…but I'm not saying you guys have to like him…]. For Henry, well he went to Oxford…so um…

Disclaimer= so um…

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Watch you smile, watch you cry

Chapter 13= Falling Apart

Four Years Later…

To Trina,

I guess this is all I can say. If you wanted me dead, I might as well surrender. I've realized—I was always a strong girl—but truly, I was always falling apart. I always thought Fate could be fought, but I guess I was mistaken. My mother was always a fashion model, and my father left us with no financial support, no nothing, until I've realized the truth. My father was Ken. Your boss. He wanted retaliation on my Mother, who stole his job. In reality, he was the one who cheated on her. Before I knew where my father was, I learned to hate. I turned my heart into ice, so that no one—not one person in this entire world—will be able to touch it. When Renamon, my digimon, came into my world, she brought me into new light. She opened me into a new world—a world where I can enjoy its warmth.

However, I still trained her hard, under intense tough love? I don't know. She had made me enter a world of darkness, fear, pride, power, love, and Fate. I was still alone, but with one friend. When I joined the other Tamers, well first, Takato the gogglehead, I was cold and icy towards them. It took quite a while until I began to speak, or even smile at them. Takato had a friend, who was one of the original Tamers. He was Henry.

Finally, I started to laugh with them, and even enjoy their company. Henry and I constantly hung out. We practiced martial arts together, got ice cream and so much more. I fell in love with him, for nearly being the only human that cared for me. That was until one day. My mother had to move to Osaka for her job. I had to say goodbye. On the day when I was leaving, I checked the park of which me and Henry had played with so many times, and caught him kissing you.

I was betrayed. Hurt.

I've learned to hate him. My Grandma died, and my mother started to show that she loved me. I've made new friends—Yuki and Hikari. I thought I was healing. But instead, a void ate away my happiness like acid. Sometimes, in class, I would break down and cry. I hated myself for being so weak. I started to try to forget him. But his memory—his ghost—kept on entering my life.

I was straight A or even A+ student. I got a scholarship to Toudai, and met you and my friends…and the one I missed so much, but hated even more. Henry. I was still angry at him for kissing you. I confronted him with the truth. I didn't know he broken up with you and you were shaking with jealousy. I don't blame you. Love has its ways.

Until now, I thought he was the one for me because Ryuin kissed me when I was vulnerable in the hospital four years ago. I didn't know it was Ryuin. I didn't know what I did wrong until Ryuin told me two weeks later. I couldn't blame him. It was love that blinded him; controlled him. I couldn't prevent it.

 But Henry left. To a distant place. I don't even know where he is. But I know one thing: lovers don't separate. He did. We weren't meant to be. But I yearn to see him just once more. My life seems pointless.

But if Fate is going to put it that way, I won't fight it. Fate was always winning. I was always fighting a losing battle. I was supposed to be alone. Now that everyone's taken me out of my shell, I can't go back. I just can't go on. So I wanted to tell you, I'm just as unfortunate as you. But if you bump into Henry one more time after you are allowed to free once more, tell him…that I've forgotten him already. You could be the right girl for him. Don't try to contact me anymore…I'll be gone…I told you I wasn't strong. I was always weak. I know you love him, and right now, he wants someone who truly shares admiration and affection for him. And I believe, you are the one…

Sincerely,

Rika Nonaka

There was no return address. Trina had tears in her eyes, crying hard. She didn't know that Rika had suffered this much, after all, all she thought was about her, her and her. And you spent so much time moaning with envy, she told herself mockingly. Why did Henry leave, she thought suddenly, looking up, he was the one for her, and she was the one for him. Perhaps, I was simply jealous because they were meant for each other. Henry was right; Trina had realized that from all the time they've imprisoned her. I was shaking with too much covetousness that my heart—a heart full of ice—could thaw, even with love. Rika's like me, she thought, comprehension reaching to her. She was weak, like me. And now, without Henry, she's dying inside. She can't live without him…and I, I'm living with no more feelings for my ex-boyfriend.

Trina walked across the busy streets of Tokyo, looking for one sign of Henry, or Rika, or even Ryuin. She wanted to reach out to Rika. A lonely girl, born without love, spent few weeks opening up like the sun's rays. And now, because of the sudden leave of Henry, dark clouds crowd around her again. She is solitary. Weak. And Alone. Trina felt straight urges of sympathy for Rika; Rika was in an even worse position than her. Trina did lose her parents…everyone, but they loved her and admired for who she was; she had contemplated this while spending forlorn times in jail. Rika had loved someone, but ignored by people who should love her. But that someone left. Henry. Trina was attacked by Guilt.

I don't need Henry anymore. My emotions run free, Trina thought. I don't hate anymore either; I'm different. I've realized, that hate won't be in my life anymore. I want to say to sorry to all those people that I've hurt.

Today was four years after all her mistakes. She was a new woman, with a new life. She wanted to smile, or even laugh at the world, and wish everyone to forgive all the faults she had caused. But for once, she wanted to help someone, to help someone in need, in despair. And that someone, was Rika Nonaka.

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Rika scoffed at the pair of stupid people nearly making out in front of the mall elevator. Stupid people in stupid lives, she thought, rolling her eyes. When will people learn? Your lover will just leave you when you wanted them most. I was so vulnerable. So weak. I couldn't believe I left all my emotions, my feelings within him; in his heart. I was so stupid, so careless, yet so in love. If he and I were meant to be, he would trust me, believe me, and we would figure out how to solve the problem. But, we weren't. Rika sighed sadly, remembering the dark haired boy she had loved for eleven years. I always felt so strong, she felt so confused. Confusion was her deepest fear. I can't believe that, he left. Now, I'm all alone. Rika was feeling so lost, without any contact of her friends, and wanted to cry in front of everyone. IF THIS IS FATE, she wanted to screech, THEN SO BE ITTTT!!!

Rika had lost all communications with her friends, about two years ago. She knew she was drifting, becoming more distant everyday. Without letting anyone know, not even her best friend and her boyfriend, she left—disappeared. She was afraid to keep in touch in someone. Sometimes, she felt her life was so not worth living, she had attempted suicide. However, she still believed that the boy loved her so much that he left because of her fault and the event of Ryuin kissing her, that she always failed. I've tried so hard to get rid of my life, Rika thought, but every time, those words, those words that he had whispered and murmured me—their ghosts—they keep on coming back. No matter what, Rika still kept her distance, moved to America, and continued her life there. The words of love, and care, she still memorized them in her heart…

All I need is you…

She still remembered those words. The time she had confronted him and everything…she still remembered. Why does the past keep on haunting me? Why didn't Henry believe in me, and talked to me after four years? I was so wrong about him…or was it just Fate? Whatever it was, did Fate and Henry give up hope on me? She turned slowly around to look at the world. Everyone else was so of life…and here she was, allowing herself to be swallowed up by Love.

A certain dark haired man captured her attention. From what she could see, behind her sunglasses, that he was holding hands with a strawberry haired girl. She looks very much like me, she thought suddenly, a sense of familiarity arousing her senses as she took of her sunglasses with both hands. They were sitting together on a wooden bench, smiling at each other, and holding the same of cup of ice cream. Why does he look so familiar? Why do I sense such familiar appearance? Rika glanced back, trying to figure out who he was. The couple seemed unaware that she was staring straight at them. Hazel eyes…dark hair…he looks so much like Henry…

The ginger haired girl took a spoon of ice cream, and immediately kissed the boy. To Rika, she would've have puked out if she had seen the scene on someone else. But she'd realized, there was something she needed to know right now. They kissed; their mouths working against one another. Rika could obviously see that the melting ice cream was passed through each other's mouths. But she glanced, and gazed, wanting to know what had made her watch that scene. No matter how much she tried to forget it, it kept on replaying over and over in her mind.

"Henry…" The girl drew apart from him had whispered. That shot Rika like a lightning bolt, realization captured her attention. This was who that dark haired man was. Henry. The guy she had loved, and still loved. The guy who promised to be with her no matter what happened. Here he was, kissing another girl. The guy that saved me from committing suicide loves someone else, she told herself with no belief. No one in the world has loved me. They never will. This is Fate; I was destined to be alone; to be hated. Rika could feel her eyes sting, Why? Why do you have to destroy me, and my feelings? She started to stifle tears. She couldn't help crying in front of everyone.

"Rika…" she heard someone whisper, from the bench. Henry stared at her, disbelief regarding his eyes. "Don't blame me for this…" it was barely inaudible, but Rika had heard it. Time ticked in slow motion as Rika turned to face him. She could imagine herself, standing in front of the boy she loved, eyes red and weary. She wanted to scream at him, kill him, and torture him for showing how hurt and betrayed she felt. But she didn't. She stared into those gray eyes, searching. But there was nothing to search. Those eyes showed no more emotion for her. They sparked with fondness for someone else. Rika stared back, no expression betraying her face. She clutched harder on her shopping bags, and slowly loosened her grasp unconsciously. The contents spilled out, and Henry reached over to pick them up. The girl he was kissing stared with confusion.

But Rika stepped back, "Don't." Henry looked at her startled, pleading for her to forgive him. But her eyes bore no love, emotion or expression.

"If this is Fate," she repeated the words from her head earlier, "then so be it." She whispered softly, aware that hundreds of eyes were lying upon her. Those gray eyes, that always showed understanding, were stupid and insensitive. Those were the same gray eyes that looked on her and showed to her that someone cared in this world. Love had its ways, and it decided that Rika deserved none. She stood there, eyes red from crying so hard. She looked away from Henry.

She ran.

She broke loose from the crowd, pushing them apart. She could hear Henry's fainted screams, "Rika, Rika, Rika!" But she didn't turn back. Henry didn't love her anymore. He didn't even care how she felt. Henry meant nothing to her anymore. Nothing meant anything anymore. She started to speed up her pace. She wanted to be alone if that's what Fate chose her to be. Alone.

She ran across the street, the wind tailing her. Her heart was black…no one…not even Rika…could reach it. She could hear footsteps approaching in the near tempo of hers. She knew it was Henry's, but she did not stop. Henry was nothing. First, he had left and left her with nothing. And now, he came back to prove it. Love made me vulnerable. Weak. She could hear Henry scream, "I love you, Rika!" But she did not trust him. The world had mocked her, and hated her. Now, she could only return hate. Henry's love couldn't mean anything to her anymore. It meant nothing.

She ran.

She could hear faint car screech approach her. She wasn't aware of it. She squeezed her eyes, and prayed that Fate would just let her be alone. Time ticked, once more, in slow motion. She opened her violet orbs and stared at the car, inches away from her. One…Two…Three…she swirled in and out of consciousness. Darkness ruled her day.

Henry still screamed, "RIKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! I LOVE YOU!!!"

In her mind, in her last thoughts, she had thought, I still love you Henry. But you don't love me because of my fate. My fate is to be alone. My fate made my life fall apart…and it did.

Goodbye. And she fell asleep…forever.

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Maybe last chapter…or maybe a tiny epilogue…oh well, I made Rika sound really weak…but please forgive me for that. I so sorry…Gomen! But she did kinda want to die…because she wasn't loved and everything. Henry was the only reason she wanted to stay alive…because she always thought he loved her…but now…she assumes he likes someone else. [that someone else looks like Rika and that's why Henry likes her.] The car thing was a complete accident…

Anyways, this may be the last of watch you smile, watch you cry…it's kinda sad isn't it…I felt like crying, just writing about it. I kinda don't know why I added the part with Trina in it…but…it'll matter more in the epilogue…if I find time to write it…Oh, and anyways, I just love Focus [Takeru's 02 song…]…I'm obsessed! 130 reviews pleez, or maybe no epilogue! Arigato for reading!

Ja ne!

Lotus