Title: The Changing of the Guard Series: A Way Out 5/7
Author: Written by memarkw, based on an idea by Aristide.
Spoilers: Some of the "past events" take place anytime
during the series, or may be happening in Season 7
according to entertainment articles.
Disclaimer: If you are reading this and think that
these characters are my own creation, you don't belong
here...it's all thanks to Lord Joss Whedon.
Rating: Mostly PG, although there are 3 or 4 swear words,
including one F-word, scattered about.
Special thanks to E James Burns,Bev, and MeB for catching
the little oopses...
____________________________________
Buffy ignored the knock on her door, knowing that
Willow would come in regardless of whether she was
invited. When the knock persisted, Buffy got up and
opened the door.
"Hey, B, we need to talk."
"Faith. I really meant what I said down there. I
need a nap. I'm just not ready for a bunch of your crap."
Faith sighed. Closing the door behind her, she
brushed her hair out of her face. When Buffy made a quick
step towards her, Faith flinched a bit.
Buffy didn't miss the reaction. Faith flinch?
Faith sat on the bed and looked up at Buffy.
"Please. We need to talk."
"About what? That you tried to steal Angel? How
about the fact that you slept with Riley? Oh, that's
right, you were ME when you did it! Here's a crazy idea -
let's talk about the fact that I'm stuck here in this hell
hole, that I can't take my sister out of here, because you
screwed up your life so bad that you can't slay. I'm
stuck here covering for you. No. Wait. I know what we
can talk about. The only other man I've ever loved left
me and ran off to Los Angeles. I'm here being the good
and loyal slayer while you're in prison, and still you
manage to see more of him than I do. Stop me anytime."
"I'm sorry. I don't know what else I can say or do.
I know there really isn't anything I CAN do, but I had to
say it. I AM sorry. I'll leave first thing in the
morning, but I was hoping we could work things out."
Buffy spun on her heel and looked at Faith. "Why?"
Faith was quiet for a moment. "Buffy," Faith said in
a whisper, not using the familiar nickname she gave her
fellow slayer, "I wasn't a good person. I'm not a good
person. All my life, all I was taught was that I'm not a
good person, that I'm good for nothing. It wasn't until I
came here, met you- your family- that I thought maybe-
just maybe- there was some good in me.
"Yeah, I tried to take Angel, and everything else. I
wanted your life. Your mom treated me like her own
daughter. I'm sorry about your mom, B. I cried when I
heard. I wanted to be at the funeral, if for nothing else
than to thank her for the way she treated me. My own mom
never treated me that way! Can you blame me for wanting
your life? I was a class-A bitch. I really thought my
life was going to be different. That was before...it
happened."
Buffy looked at her, the question on her face.
"Come on, B, I killed a man - a human being. Once I
did that, I realized that everything everyone ever said
was true, that I really was the bad seed. That's why I
went to Wilkins. I've hated myself every since. You try
to live with that before you judge me, Buffy. That's all
I ask. We don't have to be friends, but please, don't
hate me until you've lived with what I have to live with.
Live with hating yourself." Faith paused. "I do.
"Faith..."
"No, Buffy," Faith interrrupted, "like I said, I'm
outta here, as of tomorrow."
Faith stood up. As she reached the door, hand on the
knob to open it, she turned back to Buffy. "Except for
Angel, you were the only true friend I ever had. That's
what makes what I did so hard for me to live with. I'm
sorry."
She left the room closing the door behind her.
Buffy watched her former friend leave. She knew she
should stop her. She knew it. She didn't do it, though.
Faith was wrong about one thing. Buffy had hated herself.
When she looked at it that way, she could almost
understand what Faith meant. She just didn't know what
was wrong with her the last few days. Since finding out
that a pregnancy finding out pregnancy could be her ticket
out of her insane life, she'd been on edge. She lay down
on her bed, telling herself she'd already decided that she
wasn't the kind of person who would have a kid just to
salvage her train wreck life. So, why was it affecting her
like this? She closed her eyes. This isn't right. She knew
why, but she didn't want to deal with it- she hadn't
thought about it in years."
Yes, she had. She thought about it everyday.
The Slayer didn't know how long she'd slept when she
felt Giles shaking her awake.
"Buffy? Come on, Buffy, wake up. You need to stop
Faith from leaving."
She rolled over and opened her eyes. "Hmm? What
time is it?"
"It's after seven already. Buffy! Wake up! Faith's
on her way out. You need to hear what she has-has to say.
It's important."
"I heard it all last night. Now, let me go back to
sleep."
Rupert Giles leaned down and, risking his own safety,
pulled the blanket off of the Slayer. Adding insult to
injury, he pushed her out of her bed. Naturally, she was
off the floor in a second, in a fighting stance.
"Oh, get off of it, Buffy! After you've stopped
Faith from leaving, you and I are going to have that
talk."
"I guess you didn't hear me. I heard it all last
night. FYI - I don't want to have a talk with you right
now, either."
"FYI? Oh, yes, FYI. Well, FYI, I don't think you
heard what Faith came here to say. She saw Laura's
daughter. It would seem - it would seem that Marika
visited Faith in prison. As far as you and I having a
talk, we WILL have one before the end of the morning -
before lunch. Like it or not, we will talk. Don't try to
argue with me, Buffy! Take the fighting stance or try -
try to avoid me, but I can, and I will, use magic to hold
you in place if I have to."
Without another word, he walked out of the room,
leaving the door open.
Buffy growled and threw a pillow at the door, hoping
to shut it, but missed - the pillow landing in the hall.
There was something seriously wrong with her. Maybe
talking was what she needed, but she didn't know if she
COULD talk about it. She had to go stop Faith from
leaving before she did anything else. Dressing quickly,
she ran down the stairs.
Faith was stepping outside just as Buffy reached her.
"Faith, wait."
The girl turned. "Yeah?"
"Giles says I should listen to you."
Uncharacteristically, Faith sighed. She went back
into the house and sat down. Buffy sat across from her,
much like when Laura had told her story for the first
time.
"About a three weeks ago, one of the guards told me I
had a visitor. I figured it was Angel, since he's the
only one who ever comes to see me.
"He threw me for a loop when he said it was my
sister. I could only assume it was you trying to see me.
It wasn't you. It was some girl I'd never seen before. I
wasn't going to listen to her until she mentioned the
slayer.
"She told me this story about how her mother used to
be a slayer and was still alive. She told me she wanted
to be a slayer and wanted to know how to start training.
The reason she was there to see me, though, was because
she wanted to find the Council, B. She told me her
dad was missing and that she thought the Council had
something to do with it.
"I told her to forget it, to go back to her mother.
I tried to tell her the Council was bad news. She acted
like she was going to give up and do what I said- go home.
"I really didn't think much about it until the old
man came to see me."
Buffy interrupted. "Old man?"
"Travers. He told me he was arranging for me to get
out because he had something he needed done and he
couldn't trust YOU to do it. I meant what I said last
night, B. I'm changed. I'm not going to let anyone turn
me back into what I was. Of course, the old man doesn't
know that. Well, he didn't. Anyway, he wanted me to find
out who took the girl's dad and to find him before you
did. He seemed surprised about the girl. Apparently,
they didn't know about Laura here. She was a secret until
Laura's daughter came to see me.
"He blew it, B. I didn't know that the Council was
keeping track of my visitors. I mean, recording my
conversations. He gave it away by mentioning what the
girl told me. That's when I figured out that the old man
and his crew didn't plan to ever let me go.
"I kept my mouth shut and eyes open. Sure enough,
they got me out. I've been pardoned. I guess if they can
do that, they can get me back in, but I'll worry about
that later.
"So, I lost the guy they had following me and came
straight here. I wasn't about to do anything for them.
That's when you guys got back from Nevada."
Buffy thought about it. She turned to Giles. "Why
would they want John? Why was it important enough to
spring Faith from prison to work for them?."
Faith stood up and headed for the door. "Well, I've
done my part, I guess. I'm out of here."
Buffy reached out and grabbed Faith by the arm. "No.
I mean, I have a lot of problems with what you did to me,
to my friends, but you're right. You deserve a chance."
"Why? What's different from last night to change
your mind?"
"I've had some time to think, I guess. The fact
that you turned yourself in and haven't tried to get out
has a lot to do with it. You were right. You had a lot
to deal with. Don't get me wrong, everyone's responsible
for their own actions, but there were a lot of factors in
your decisions.
"I'm not saying I'm ready to trust you with my life,
but I'm ready to give you a chance. That's all I can
offer right now. That and a place to stay. Besides, I'll
probably need some help kicking ass before this whole
thing is over with."
Faith didn't say anything for a few seconds. When
she spoke, there were tears in her eyes. "Are you sure?
I can't promise anything. I mean, I can promise that I'm
sorry, and that I'm not going to turn on you again. I'm
still me though, B. The only thing that's changed is the
way I look at things."
"That's cool. It won't be easy, but it's worth a
shot." In the back of her mind, Buffy thought that maybe
if Faith was changed and in Sunnydale for good, then maybe
- just maybe - Buffy could finally get out of here.
Giles cleared his throat and stood up. "Buffy, I
think it's time we had that talk now."
Buffy shook her head and went outside. The Watcher
followed, closing the door behind him.
"I want to know what's the matter with you, Buffy.
Why are you so edgy lately? Don't deny it. Every since
Laura showed up, you're snapping at everyone."
Buffy tried to figure out how to tell him. She
hadn't even told Willow. No one knew. It wasn't
something she'd ever been able to talk about. It had
happened before she came to Sunnydale. If it hadn't
happened, she might never have made it to this damned
town. She knew she would have to deal with it. She'd
managed to put it off for more than ten years. For so
many years, she'd kept it bottled up. She was afraid that
if she talked about it now, she'd lose control.
**********************************
1996 - Somewhere in the middle of America
"Buffy? You okay, babe?"
"I-I don't think so. I thi-" Before she could
finish, another sharp pain coursed through her body. She
was a slayer, it shouldn't be such a crippling pain.
The young man put his arm around her. "I'm getting
you to the hospital right now. Stop fighting me, damn it!
We're going."
She hurt too much to argue. She knew what was
happening. She'd known her secret for a few weeks. She
was going to tell him tomorrow. Now, she feared, it was
too late.
********************************
"Buffy?"
Giles voice snapped her back to the present day.
"I'm ok. Giles, don't hate me. Please, don't hate
me."
"Hate you? Me? Buffy, what is it?"
"I never told anyone. I guess you should have been
told, but I didn't think it was important. He's never
coming back. Why should he?"
Giles' mind was spinning. She hadn't told him
anything, yet already he knew she had some dark secret and
there was a man whose return she either yearned for or
feared.
"When I left Hemery, before I came here, I gave up
slaying."
"I know. There was no activity after the school
burned. That's when the Hellmouth started opening."
"No. I mean after the school burned, before I came
here. I quit. I ran. I didn't think the Council could
find me. Hell, I didn't even really know about the
Council back then. I had a boyfriend. We left. I ran
away. I got pregnant." That's when she started to cry.
Giles wrapped his arms around the girl he had come to
think of as his daughter. Pregnant? That would certainly
explain why all of this was affecting her so.
A few minutes later, Buffy composed herself. That's
why this is so hard. I lost the baby. I miscarried. I
was only a few weeks along, but I think it was the stress
of running that brought it on. I've always thought that.
If I had known that I could have the baby and stop being a
slayer, I wouldn't have worried so much. I swear, Giles,
if this thing is true, I'm going to make sure all the
slayers after me know about it."
"Buffy, can I ask you who the father was? I've
always had the impression that Angel was your first love-
your first...well, um, your first. With your feelings for
him, I never got the sense that you'd ever loved anyone
before. DID you you love this fellow?"
"Love him? I adored him! He was everything to me.
He loved me, in spite of what I was."
"Where is he, where did he go?"
"I don't know. When I lost the baby, I pushed him
away. I told him to forget me, that I never wanted to
hear from him again."
***************************
1992 - Somewhere in the middle of America
"You don't mean it, Buffy. If I go, you'll want me
back tomorrow. When you do, you won't find me because I'm
going to do exactly what you ask. I'll disappear."
"Don't tell me what I mean! This never would have
happened if I hadn't run off with you!"
"You can't blame-"
"I DO! I do blame you! I had a duty, and I ran from
it. Ran with you! I don't want to see you anymore. Get
out!"
He stood by the door. "Please, Buffy, I love you. I
can't just leave you here."
"Go! Just go! I'll get home by myself. You know
what I can do. If you don't go, I'll make you go."
He opened the door. He looked back at Buffy, crying
now, begging. "Please. You're my life. How can I go?
What'll I do? I can't live without you."
She'd gone to him, then. She reached out and touched
his cheek, his hair. "Go. Don't look for me. You don't
exist anymore. We were a story in a book, and it's over.
THE END. If you come for me, I won't know who you are. I
want you to go. When that door closes, you never existed.
I mean it. Go. I can't do this anymore."
He tried to return the touch, to feel her hair, but
she pulled back from him. "I'll always love you, Buffy.
I swear it. I'll never love anyone else again." He
walked out and closed the door. She could hear the sobs
through the door. That was all it took. Listening to his
footsteps receding, she fell to the floor and cried
herself to sleep.
**********************************
"Did he ever come looking for you? Oh, Dear Lord,
it was Ford, wasn't it? The young man that wanted to be a
vampire?"
Buffy laughed. "No, Giles. Ford really was my
friend. A good friend. You don't know who he was. I
really don't want to remember him. I've tried so hard to
forget him. I think that's why I gave myself so
completely to Angel.
He pulled her in close. "It's alright, Buffy. You
were young. You didn't do anything wrong. No one can
blame you for running. We'll get to the bottom of this
mess. When-when it's over, no future slayer will go
through it again. If this tale is true, it will be made
known to all Watchers, I promise you that."
When Buffy recomposed herself, Giles mentioned
something that had been bothering him.
"If it's true that a pregnant slayer loses her call,
that a new slayer is called, I wonder what happened when
you became pregnant?"
The Slayer was about to tell him what she thought,
when they were interrupted by a soft cry. They looked up
to find a young girl, no older than Dawn, walking up the
path to the house. Buffy turned her head just soon enough
to see Laura fly through the door and throw her arms
around the girl.
"Marika! Oh, God, where have you been? Baby, what's
wrong? What happened?"
The girl looked at her mother. "I wanted to find the
Slayer. I went to the prison looking for that one and she
told me to go home, to forget about trying to find Dad. I
almost gave up, but I came here instead, thinking I'd ask
the dead slayer's friends to help me. But...she's not
dead. I don't understand."
A car drove by as she finished speaking. She watched
it pass, then pointed at it.
"That's the fourth time I've seen that guy. I think
he's following me."
"Bastards!"
Everyone turned and saw Faith standing in the door,
Willow directly behind her.
"It's the Council! It has to be!"
Author: Written by memarkw, based on an idea by Aristide.
Spoilers: Some of the "past events" take place anytime
during the series, or may be happening in Season 7
according to entertainment articles.
Disclaimer: If you are reading this and think that
these characters are my own creation, you don't belong
here...it's all thanks to Lord Joss Whedon.
Rating: Mostly PG, although there are 3 or 4 swear words,
including one F-word, scattered about.
Special thanks to E James Burns,Bev, and MeB for catching
the little oopses...
____________________________________
Buffy ignored the knock on her door, knowing that
Willow would come in regardless of whether she was
invited. When the knock persisted, Buffy got up and
opened the door.
"Hey, B, we need to talk."
"Faith. I really meant what I said down there. I
need a nap. I'm just not ready for a bunch of your crap."
Faith sighed. Closing the door behind her, she
brushed her hair out of her face. When Buffy made a quick
step towards her, Faith flinched a bit.
Buffy didn't miss the reaction. Faith flinch?
Faith sat on the bed and looked up at Buffy.
"Please. We need to talk."
"About what? That you tried to steal Angel? How
about the fact that you slept with Riley? Oh, that's
right, you were ME when you did it! Here's a crazy idea -
let's talk about the fact that I'm stuck here in this hell
hole, that I can't take my sister out of here, because you
screwed up your life so bad that you can't slay. I'm
stuck here covering for you. No. Wait. I know what we
can talk about. The only other man I've ever loved left
me and ran off to Los Angeles. I'm here being the good
and loyal slayer while you're in prison, and still you
manage to see more of him than I do. Stop me anytime."
"I'm sorry. I don't know what else I can say or do.
I know there really isn't anything I CAN do, but I had to
say it. I AM sorry. I'll leave first thing in the
morning, but I was hoping we could work things out."
Buffy spun on her heel and looked at Faith. "Why?"
Faith was quiet for a moment. "Buffy," Faith said in
a whisper, not using the familiar nickname she gave her
fellow slayer, "I wasn't a good person. I'm not a good
person. All my life, all I was taught was that I'm not a
good person, that I'm good for nothing. It wasn't until I
came here, met you- your family- that I thought maybe-
just maybe- there was some good in me.
"Yeah, I tried to take Angel, and everything else. I
wanted your life. Your mom treated me like her own
daughter. I'm sorry about your mom, B. I cried when I
heard. I wanted to be at the funeral, if for nothing else
than to thank her for the way she treated me. My own mom
never treated me that way! Can you blame me for wanting
your life? I was a class-A bitch. I really thought my
life was going to be different. That was before...it
happened."
Buffy looked at her, the question on her face.
"Come on, B, I killed a man - a human being. Once I
did that, I realized that everything everyone ever said
was true, that I really was the bad seed. That's why I
went to Wilkins. I've hated myself every since. You try
to live with that before you judge me, Buffy. That's all
I ask. We don't have to be friends, but please, don't
hate me until you've lived with what I have to live with.
Live with hating yourself." Faith paused. "I do.
"Faith..."
"No, Buffy," Faith interrrupted, "like I said, I'm
outta here, as of tomorrow."
Faith stood up. As she reached the door, hand on the
knob to open it, she turned back to Buffy. "Except for
Angel, you were the only true friend I ever had. That's
what makes what I did so hard for me to live with. I'm
sorry."
She left the room closing the door behind her.
Buffy watched her former friend leave. She knew she
should stop her. She knew it. She didn't do it, though.
Faith was wrong about one thing. Buffy had hated herself.
When she looked at it that way, she could almost
understand what Faith meant. She just didn't know what
was wrong with her the last few days. Since finding out
that a pregnancy finding out pregnancy could be her ticket
out of her insane life, she'd been on edge. She lay down
on her bed, telling herself she'd already decided that she
wasn't the kind of person who would have a kid just to
salvage her train wreck life. So, why was it affecting her
like this? She closed her eyes. This isn't right. She knew
why, but she didn't want to deal with it- she hadn't
thought about it in years."
Yes, she had. She thought about it everyday.
The Slayer didn't know how long she'd slept when she
felt Giles shaking her awake.
"Buffy? Come on, Buffy, wake up. You need to stop
Faith from leaving."
She rolled over and opened her eyes. "Hmm? What
time is it?"
"It's after seven already. Buffy! Wake up! Faith's
on her way out. You need to hear what she has-has to say.
It's important."
"I heard it all last night. Now, let me go back to
sleep."
Rupert Giles leaned down and, risking his own safety,
pulled the blanket off of the Slayer. Adding insult to
injury, he pushed her out of her bed. Naturally, she was
off the floor in a second, in a fighting stance.
"Oh, get off of it, Buffy! After you've stopped
Faith from leaving, you and I are going to have that
talk."
"I guess you didn't hear me. I heard it all last
night. FYI - I don't want to have a talk with you right
now, either."
"FYI? Oh, yes, FYI. Well, FYI, I don't think you
heard what Faith came here to say. She saw Laura's
daughter. It would seem - it would seem that Marika
visited Faith in prison. As far as you and I having a
talk, we WILL have one before the end of the morning -
before lunch. Like it or not, we will talk. Don't try to
argue with me, Buffy! Take the fighting stance or try -
try to avoid me, but I can, and I will, use magic to hold
you in place if I have to."
Without another word, he walked out of the room,
leaving the door open.
Buffy growled and threw a pillow at the door, hoping
to shut it, but missed - the pillow landing in the hall.
There was something seriously wrong with her. Maybe
talking was what she needed, but she didn't know if she
COULD talk about it. She had to go stop Faith from
leaving before she did anything else. Dressing quickly,
she ran down the stairs.
Faith was stepping outside just as Buffy reached her.
"Faith, wait."
The girl turned. "Yeah?"
"Giles says I should listen to you."
Uncharacteristically, Faith sighed. She went back
into the house and sat down. Buffy sat across from her,
much like when Laura had told her story for the first
time.
"About a three weeks ago, one of the guards told me I
had a visitor. I figured it was Angel, since he's the
only one who ever comes to see me.
"He threw me for a loop when he said it was my
sister. I could only assume it was you trying to see me.
It wasn't you. It was some girl I'd never seen before. I
wasn't going to listen to her until she mentioned the
slayer.
"She told me this story about how her mother used to
be a slayer and was still alive. She told me she wanted
to be a slayer and wanted to know how to start training.
The reason she was there to see me, though, was because
she wanted to find the Council, B. She told me her
dad was missing and that she thought the Council had
something to do with it.
"I told her to forget it, to go back to her mother.
I tried to tell her the Council was bad news. She acted
like she was going to give up and do what I said- go home.
"I really didn't think much about it until the old
man came to see me."
Buffy interrupted. "Old man?"
"Travers. He told me he was arranging for me to get
out because he had something he needed done and he
couldn't trust YOU to do it. I meant what I said last
night, B. I'm changed. I'm not going to let anyone turn
me back into what I was. Of course, the old man doesn't
know that. Well, he didn't. Anyway, he wanted me to find
out who took the girl's dad and to find him before you
did. He seemed surprised about the girl. Apparently,
they didn't know about Laura here. She was a secret until
Laura's daughter came to see me.
"He blew it, B. I didn't know that the Council was
keeping track of my visitors. I mean, recording my
conversations. He gave it away by mentioning what the
girl told me. That's when I figured out that the old man
and his crew didn't plan to ever let me go.
"I kept my mouth shut and eyes open. Sure enough,
they got me out. I've been pardoned. I guess if they can
do that, they can get me back in, but I'll worry about
that later.
"So, I lost the guy they had following me and came
straight here. I wasn't about to do anything for them.
That's when you guys got back from Nevada."
Buffy thought about it. She turned to Giles. "Why
would they want John? Why was it important enough to
spring Faith from prison to work for them?."
Faith stood up and headed for the door. "Well, I've
done my part, I guess. I'm out of here."
Buffy reached out and grabbed Faith by the arm. "No.
I mean, I have a lot of problems with what you did to me,
to my friends, but you're right. You deserve a chance."
"Why? What's different from last night to change
your mind?"
"I've had some time to think, I guess. The fact
that you turned yourself in and haven't tried to get out
has a lot to do with it. You were right. You had a lot
to deal with. Don't get me wrong, everyone's responsible
for their own actions, but there were a lot of factors in
your decisions.
"I'm not saying I'm ready to trust you with my life,
but I'm ready to give you a chance. That's all I can
offer right now. That and a place to stay. Besides, I'll
probably need some help kicking ass before this whole
thing is over with."
Faith didn't say anything for a few seconds. When
she spoke, there were tears in her eyes. "Are you sure?
I can't promise anything. I mean, I can promise that I'm
sorry, and that I'm not going to turn on you again. I'm
still me though, B. The only thing that's changed is the
way I look at things."
"That's cool. It won't be easy, but it's worth a
shot." In the back of her mind, Buffy thought that maybe
if Faith was changed and in Sunnydale for good, then maybe
- just maybe - Buffy could finally get out of here.
Giles cleared his throat and stood up. "Buffy, I
think it's time we had that talk now."
Buffy shook her head and went outside. The Watcher
followed, closing the door behind him.
"I want to know what's the matter with you, Buffy.
Why are you so edgy lately? Don't deny it. Every since
Laura showed up, you're snapping at everyone."
Buffy tried to figure out how to tell him. She
hadn't even told Willow. No one knew. It wasn't
something she'd ever been able to talk about. It had
happened before she came to Sunnydale. If it hadn't
happened, she might never have made it to this damned
town. She knew she would have to deal with it. She'd
managed to put it off for more than ten years. For so
many years, she'd kept it bottled up. She was afraid that
if she talked about it now, she'd lose control.
**********************************
1996 - Somewhere in the middle of America
"Buffy? You okay, babe?"
"I-I don't think so. I thi-" Before she could
finish, another sharp pain coursed through her body. She
was a slayer, it shouldn't be such a crippling pain.
The young man put his arm around her. "I'm getting
you to the hospital right now. Stop fighting me, damn it!
We're going."
She hurt too much to argue. She knew what was
happening. She'd known her secret for a few weeks. She
was going to tell him tomorrow. Now, she feared, it was
too late.
********************************
"Buffy?"
Giles voice snapped her back to the present day.
"I'm ok. Giles, don't hate me. Please, don't hate
me."
"Hate you? Me? Buffy, what is it?"
"I never told anyone. I guess you should have been
told, but I didn't think it was important. He's never
coming back. Why should he?"
Giles' mind was spinning. She hadn't told him
anything, yet already he knew she had some dark secret and
there was a man whose return she either yearned for or
feared.
"When I left Hemery, before I came here, I gave up
slaying."
"I know. There was no activity after the school
burned. That's when the Hellmouth started opening."
"No. I mean after the school burned, before I came
here. I quit. I ran. I didn't think the Council could
find me. Hell, I didn't even really know about the
Council back then. I had a boyfriend. We left. I ran
away. I got pregnant." That's when she started to cry.
Giles wrapped his arms around the girl he had come to
think of as his daughter. Pregnant? That would certainly
explain why all of this was affecting her so.
A few minutes later, Buffy composed herself. That's
why this is so hard. I lost the baby. I miscarried. I
was only a few weeks along, but I think it was the stress
of running that brought it on. I've always thought that.
If I had known that I could have the baby and stop being a
slayer, I wouldn't have worried so much. I swear, Giles,
if this thing is true, I'm going to make sure all the
slayers after me know about it."
"Buffy, can I ask you who the father was? I've
always had the impression that Angel was your first love-
your first...well, um, your first. With your feelings for
him, I never got the sense that you'd ever loved anyone
before. DID you you love this fellow?"
"Love him? I adored him! He was everything to me.
He loved me, in spite of what I was."
"Where is he, where did he go?"
"I don't know. When I lost the baby, I pushed him
away. I told him to forget me, that I never wanted to
hear from him again."
***************************
1992 - Somewhere in the middle of America
"You don't mean it, Buffy. If I go, you'll want me
back tomorrow. When you do, you won't find me because I'm
going to do exactly what you ask. I'll disappear."
"Don't tell me what I mean! This never would have
happened if I hadn't run off with you!"
"You can't blame-"
"I DO! I do blame you! I had a duty, and I ran from
it. Ran with you! I don't want to see you anymore. Get
out!"
He stood by the door. "Please, Buffy, I love you. I
can't just leave you here."
"Go! Just go! I'll get home by myself. You know
what I can do. If you don't go, I'll make you go."
He opened the door. He looked back at Buffy, crying
now, begging. "Please. You're my life. How can I go?
What'll I do? I can't live without you."
She'd gone to him, then. She reached out and touched
his cheek, his hair. "Go. Don't look for me. You don't
exist anymore. We were a story in a book, and it's over.
THE END. If you come for me, I won't know who you are. I
want you to go. When that door closes, you never existed.
I mean it. Go. I can't do this anymore."
He tried to return the touch, to feel her hair, but
she pulled back from him. "I'll always love you, Buffy.
I swear it. I'll never love anyone else again." He
walked out and closed the door. She could hear the sobs
through the door. That was all it took. Listening to his
footsteps receding, she fell to the floor and cried
herself to sleep.
**********************************
"Did he ever come looking for you? Oh, Dear Lord,
it was Ford, wasn't it? The young man that wanted to be a
vampire?"
Buffy laughed. "No, Giles. Ford really was my
friend. A good friend. You don't know who he was. I
really don't want to remember him. I've tried so hard to
forget him. I think that's why I gave myself so
completely to Angel.
He pulled her in close. "It's alright, Buffy. You
were young. You didn't do anything wrong. No one can
blame you for running. We'll get to the bottom of this
mess. When-when it's over, no future slayer will go
through it again. If this tale is true, it will be made
known to all Watchers, I promise you that."
When Buffy recomposed herself, Giles mentioned
something that had been bothering him.
"If it's true that a pregnant slayer loses her call,
that a new slayer is called, I wonder what happened when
you became pregnant?"
The Slayer was about to tell him what she thought,
when they were interrupted by a soft cry. They looked up
to find a young girl, no older than Dawn, walking up the
path to the house. Buffy turned her head just soon enough
to see Laura fly through the door and throw her arms
around the girl.
"Marika! Oh, God, where have you been? Baby, what's
wrong? What happened?"
The girl looked at her mother. "I wanted to find the
Slayer. I went to the prison looking for that one and she
told me to go home, to forget about trying to find Dad. I
almost gave up, but I came here instead, thinking I'd ask
the dead slayer's friends to help me. But...she's not
dead. I don't understand."
A car drove by as she finished speaking. She watched
it pass, then pointed at it.
"That's the fourth time I've seen that guy. I think
he's following me."
"Bastards!"
Everyone turned and saw Faith standing in the door,
Willow directly behind her.
"It's the Council! It has to be!"
