It Means Ch. 2 by Cai

"I will dedicate and sacrifice my every-thing

for just a seconds worth of how my story's ending

I wish I could know if the directions that I take

and all the choices that I make won't end up all for nothing..."

--Hoobastank

~~~

Snape hisses the class dismissal and I stand to leave with Ron and Hermione.

Neville has to stay behind again.

He didn't even mess up his potion this time...

But Snape gave him detention anyway...

Only...

I don't think it's as bad for Neville any more...

Cause he doesn't come back to the dorm practically in tears...

And last time he kinda had this *dazed* expression on his face...

And I wonder if...

I glance back over my shoulder at him and Snape...

But nothing shows...

And as I turn back, I train my eyes on the wall, not *him*...

I don't look at him.

I don't.

He's already caught me staring.

Our eyes locked that once...

And something...

*Some*thing...

Passed between us...

I'm sure.

Positive...

But what is it that Dudley always used to say?

Only fools are positive...

I sigh.

Ron looks at me...

Hermione looks at Ron...

They look at each other...

They're doing that gushy *love* look thing again.

I stifle another sigh.

I'm happy for them, really I am.

And I'm not jealous.

Truly I'm not.

Yeah.

Right...

We round the corner.

And there is Seamus...

Pressed against the wall...

And Oliver, who *graduated* last year, is kissing him...

Hermione gasps then starts to giggle...

Ron turns beet red...

By now they've noticed us and have untangled themselves...

"Yeah...um...could you guys maybe..."

"Um...not tell anyone?"

That's so cute.

They're finishing each other's sentences for one another!

I just gape for a moment, then smile...

I open my mouth to reply when someone knocks into me from behind.

I gasp and turn, trying to keep my balance...

Only to realize when it's too late that it's *him*...

Draco...

Malfoy...

And I'm touching him...

And he's warm...

And beautiful...

And he smells like rain and wind and freedom...

Not something you'd expect from a guy who lives in the *dungeons*, really, my mind babbles at me...

And I'm looking in his eyes...

Blue and grey and silver...

Midnight-moon eyes...

Hypnotizing...

"What the fuck, Malfoy? You did that on purpose, didn't you?!?"

Ron pushes him away from me...

That moment...

That instant...

Is broken...

Shattered...

As if it never was...

My hands clinch, wanting to pull him back...

I push them into the pockets of my robes.

Better if they don't see.

"Oh, but of course Weasel," he drawls, rolling his eyes. He's still standing close to me. I can vaguely feel his heat radiating toward me... "I magically *knew* that the lot of you would have *stopped* right after turning the bloody corner. And being so immature as to *thrive* off of knocking into someone I simply couldn't resist."

He said it dryly, sarcastically...

But he hasn't moved any further away...

He hasn't moved...

"Oh ha ha Malfoy," Ron growls...

Malfoy's done it again.

Ron should really let Hermione take him on again...that time third year when she slapped him...

But...

I don't *want* him to be put down...

Habits are forcing my thinking one way...

While instinct and desire are pulling me a million *other* ways...

"What do you have to say about it, Potter? You're the one I knocked into after all. Or does Weasel do *every*thing for you?"

I blink at him...

What's he playing at?

What's he want?

What do *I* want?

What does it all mean?

Why can't I figure it out?

"What's that supposed to mean, Malfoy," I ask softly...

I can see something flicker in his eyes...

Panic?

Confusion?

Helplessness?

Resolve?

Hurt?

Want?

Need?

I don't know.

Too shadowed...

Too changeable.

His eyes...

He has too many masks...

"It means..."

He's searching...

He's trying to understand...

He's as lost as I am...

Hope dawns...

"It means...fuck off!"

And the fragile light that had been blooming...

The delicate glow that might have strengthened...

Falls to the floor and breaks into a thousand irreparable pieces...

I look at the floor, hoping none of them saw the look on my face...

And then he's pushing past us...

The confrontation is over...

And nothing is resolved...

Everything's the same...

Only it's so different...

And I'm so lost...

And there's nothing I can do about it.