all disclaimers in part one
It Means ch. 3
By regret
And I turn you away
Tired of always wanting
Wanting the one thing I can't have
My grip is slipping
Sliding away like rain
Down the window pain of my control
Walking back to the dungeons I try to mentally congratulate myself on another victory, but my heart is too heavy to believe my lies.
His face…it just…*shattered*…
Fell to the ground with another piece of my hope.
With another chance I'm not even sure was there anyway.
Wonder what he'd do if I kissed him softly.
Kissed him without the malice and anger and trademark superiority that I'm so well known for.
They're all I'm known for.
Nobody cares what else is there.
No one wants to bother with the sticky job of attachments.
Of sorting through the rain drops of personality and character that float beneath the frozen surface of my façade.
But…
But *he* might.
But he *would*…
If I could convince him that something so out of character as loving him, loving him enough to try and risk, was real.
::chuckle::
But who's to say I do?
If that's really how I felt about him I'd never have shoved his face in the dirt as I just did.
Never would have felt that little thrill before the bottom dropped out and left me adrift in guilt.
Could things get anymore complicated?
//His teeth against my skin, hands down my pants, wisps of raven hair between my lips//
I guess so, huh?
::sigh::
Why is it that I feel I can fool everyone?
Everyone but him?
Everyone but myself?
And the Dark Lord of course.
He'd eat me for fucking breakfast.
Or use me against him.
And I can't allow that.
Voldemort's already stolen too much from him.
Too much of him…
Of his life.
Forcing him to fill a role that nobody should have to bear.
Least of all alone.
That he's a hero I don't dispute.
Just the reason everyone gives.
No…
I couldn't risk hurting him.
Not even for a taste of his innocence.
Not even for a chance at realization.
I wish he didn't want me.
I wish I didn't know he does.
I wish nothing else in this world mattered but our mutual desire and need to be free of the illusions that bind us.
The illusions that strap us together by keeping us apart.
I'm losing to him.
Losing more and more of myself, my control, with every passing glance.
With every minute spent not touching him.
Not running my tongue along his lips, body shuddering into alignment with the only thing that can save it.
Save me.
Ever.
Well, now there's a funny epiphany.
Mr. Harry Potter.
My salvation…
And my damnation.
Guess the only question now is, which road to take?
I'm so lost, and wishes, wishes are for children and their wells.
