(A/n) Wow! I can't believe it! I actually wrote an Animorph fic!!! Okay, so it's actually I dream I had on 2/24/02... but it was pretty funny, although it didn't really make sense... bah, who cares? Nothing makes sense on this site anyway. Don't read it if you aren't used to insanity.

Oh, and I don't own Animorphs!!! You should know that if I did:

Cassie and Jake would be married.

Rachel wouldn't have died.

Tobias would be happy.

Ax (the Andalite) would own the Cinnabon Company.

And Ax (the FF author) would have Marco all to herself.

(A/n) [This first part doesn't make sense whatsoever, but it was in the dream, and I'm adding it anyway cause it kinda involves the scene of the fic. I'm only doing self-insertion for this part of the fic cause it occurred in the dream and I need to anyway. And I mean no offense to any of the Animorphs. I love them all! So DON'T HURT ME!!!]

ONE LAST THING, I PROMISE!!!

[ anything in here are actions by the characters ]

( anything in here are quick author's notes )

thoughtspeech symbols work again!

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** SCENE I **

[Inside some Old Navy in the mall...]

HANNI B: Gee, now that I have a million dollars (?), what should I spend it on???

[She sees a sale on big purple squares]

Ooh, I'll by big purple squares!!!

[She starts piling the big purple squares onto the conveyor belt]

CASHIER: That'll be $15,247 and 63 cents.

[The big purple squares roll down the conveyor belt, off the conveyor belt, and into a hole in the floor that just appeared there.]

HB: Oh, darn. Now I'll have to go blow the rest of my fortune on useless crap, frivolous objects, and Spyro merchandise.

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** SCENE II **

[Outside the mall...]

[Jake, Cassie, Marco, Rachel (yes, Rachel. She ain't dead here!) Tobias (hawk) and Ax (human) are standing in a large crowd outside the mall.]

JAKE: Looks like there is some kind of havoc being wrecked inside the mall.

CASSIE: Maybe the Yeerks are building a new pool!!!

RACHEL: If they even THINK about building it over the Banana Republic... (OOC, I know -_-")

[Suddenly, time freezes. "Clint Eastwood" starts playing, and the Ellimist appears at the time the big ghosty guy would in the music video]

(A/n) This didn't really happen, but I had to add some pizzazz to this fic!)

ELLIMIST: [music stops] GREETINGS, ANIMORPHS...

MARCO: Hey, how come you get to talk in capital letters?

ELLIMIST: BECAUSE I'M A PRACTICALLY DEAD BEING PERMANENTLY TRAPPED IT THE SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM, YOU MORON.

MARCO: I wanna talk in caps too!!!

ELLIMIST: SO HOW ABOUT IF WE DESTROY YOUR WHOLE RACE, SAVE YOU ALONE, TURN YOU INTO A HALF LIVING, HALF MACHINE CREATURE AND SEND YOU ON A PLEASANT LITTLE TRIP THROUGH A BLACK HOLE WHERE THE CHANCES OF YOU ENDING UP LIKE ME ARE A TRILLION TO ONE?

MARCO: Hell yeah!!!

ELLIMIST: (sigh) I GIVE UP... CRAYAK, FILL IN FOR ME!!!

[Ellimist disappears and Crayak takes his place]

CRAYAK: Mwahahahahaaaaaa!!! Bow before me, pitiful mortals!!!

Wait a minute...[Looks at Rachel]  Something's not right here... [Figures out the problem.] HEY! Why aren't I talking in caps???

[Ellimist reappears and pushes Crayak out of the way.]

ELLIMIST: ON SECOND THOUGHT, I'LL STAY.

AX: Hey bub! Spill it! I have a date with a steaming pastry coated with cinnamon and artificially flavored cream!!!

ELLIMIST: OH YES, YOUR ASSIGNMENT... [He flips through some papers.]

WELL, AS IT IS, SOME CLUMSY AUTHOR *cough cough HANNI cough* MANAGED TO IDIOTICALLY CLOG UP THE DRAINAGE IN THE MALL. YOUR MISSION, SHOULD YOU CHOOSE TO ACCEPT IT: FIND THE SOURCE OF THIS PROBLEM, AND UNDO IT, SO THAT I MAY BE ABLE TO RUN MY JACUZZI AGAIN.

RACHEL: Let's do it!

EVERYONE: "How did we know..."

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** SCENE III **

[Into the mall...]  

[The Ellimist has un-frozen time.]

TOBIAS: I get the feeling we're being watched...[Everyone in the mall is staring at the hawk riding on Rachel's shoulder.]

[A security guard comes up.]

GUARD: Excuse me Miss. Is that a hawk?

[Tobias quickly morphs into a tied- up rope with ripped ends.]

TOBIAS: Uh... no, I'm a frayed knot.

GUARD: Oh. Carry on then. [Walks away. Tobias demorphs.]

JAKE: Phew, that was close! Let's go see if we can find the opening to the pipe system in the mall.

CASSIE: [Looking at a mall directory.] Hey, look, it says that the entrance is located in the local Borders.

RACHEL: Let's do it!

[They arrive in Borders.]

AX: Were do we start? S-s-tart. Art. Funny sounds.

MARCO: Hey, maybe we can ask her!

[Marco points at a girl pulling books out of a bookshelf, who, by the fault of her subconscious, happens to be Hanni.)

HB: Oh, hallo!

[Ax demorphs and raises his tail blade.]

AX: Okay little pig, squeal. How do we get into the pipe system?(Once again, OOC. Sorry.)

HB: Geez, a simple "Please" would do the trick.

JAKE: What he means is, we're on-

HB: Yes, I know. I dreamed this up, remember?

RACHEL: Oh yeah... Crap, so you mean I'm only alive in the dream?

HB: Well, yes, technically... but also in the imaginations and hearts and FanFics of millions of Animorph fans around the world!!!

RACHEL: Pfffft, it's not like I can do stuff out of free will in those imaginations and hearts and FanFics...

MARCO: [Places his hand over her mouth.] Oh, stop complaining Xena.

[This action results in Rachel attacking Marco, the furious shriek of "DON'T YOU EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN!!!" and the fight that ensues with lots of screaming and threatening. Cassie, Tobias, and Ax try to break the two up.]

JAKE: [Ignoring the fight.] So how did this blockage begin?

*{*{ FLASHBACK TO SCENE I }*}*

HB: My suspicions are that Visser 3 is behind this.

JAKE: Duh.

HB: Either him or that Whangdoodle that won't stop following me around...

JAKE: ... Riiiiight... so how do we get to the pipe system?

[Hanni pulls out a book from her stack. It has a picture of a beautiful beach with a pale sky and perfect clear waters and palm trees and sand. (A/n) This really happened in the dream!!!] 

HB: Why, Jake, you and the other Animorphs always had the power to get to the pipe system! Just take this book and get all the others to hold it with you. Then close your eyes, quack three times, and scream, "THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE ZERO-SPACE!!!"

JAKE: [Shrugs.] Okay. Thanks!

HB: Hey, no prob. Just remember, if you need me, I won't be around, cause I'm going to Insomniac studios!!!** [She turns around and tries to walk through the wall. No success.] Ow! Crud monkeys... I KNEW the 'your brain never lets you feel pain' theory was a lie... [Walks away.]

JAKE:[To the others.] Hey!!! Get over here!!!

[Cassie and Ax managed to separate Rachel, who's hair is all frizzy and is wearing a furious scowl, and Marco, who is scratched, bruised, and bleeding in several places. Yet, the wounds heal and disappear, cause it happened in the dream!]

JAKE: Everyone, grab onto the book and repeat after me!!!

[Cassie, Ax, Rachel, Tobias, and a healed Marco all grab a free space of the book. Then they close their eyes, quack 3 times, and scream, "THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE ZERO-SPACE!!!" Suddenly, the world swirls around them, and they are falling... falling... faaaaaaaaaaallling... Oh what a world!!!]

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(A/n) I'm gonna finish this in another chapter, cause it's too long for this chapter alone. I promise it will be up before the month is out!!! (I hope...)

Oh, and I love reviews. PLEASE!!! I want to get at least 2 good reviews. And if for any reason you don't like what I dreamt up, blame ONLY my SUBCONSCIOUS!!! (Cause it's her fault, that's why!!!) Thank you all so much for whatever you write!!!

Hanni B

TCLDOW

** This is from another dream, really. I just shoved it in there for an excuse to go away.