"Lecterphillic Hospital"

Part Two: - Chimney Sweep 

Quinton O'Grady gave door numbered twenty-two a sturdy knock before rolling his weight back onto his heels. A throaty laugh sounded from the other side of the door. He accepted that as his que to enter.

The movement of the door created turbulence in the thick air which waited on the other side. O'Grady's fist reaction was to fall into a coughing fit.

Smooth O'Grady!

The moderately sized room was pale lilac in color, but the amount of smoke in the room made exact visibility rather difficult.  The area appeared to accommodate one, however the double bed had been shifted to the left of the room, in its place was a large sheet-structure shaped into a makeshift cubby-house. More laughs erupted from within.

O'Grady waved his hands to clear the smoke from his vision. He approached the tent but stopped a little distance from the entrance, the ends of the two draped sheets. 

"Ladies?" His voice sounded alright to him. He shifted the folder from beneath his arm and held it in both hands, waiting for a response.

A brief rustling came from within. He continued. "My name is Quinton O'Grady. May I talk with you?" Courteous was implicit in his tone, he didn't want to walk in with an attitude that would startle them, or worse yet, make them feel inferior.

A head popped out from between the two sheets. It was a female, shoulder length blonde hair, with the most unusual eyes. She didn't appear to be startled.

" Well. What do we have here?" She grinned in amusement.  Her eyes swirled in pools of colour. Around the pupil was a ring of red.

Mental note: Subject One. Eyes like a lizard. Should be disconcerting, yet isn't.

The woman tilted her head in a brief moment of consideration, and then rose out of the tent in her own time. She was notably short.

" Good morning, Mr. O'Grady. What can we do for you?" In her right hand she held a roll of coloured paper, smoke streamed from one end.

Second Mental Note: Woman is smoking…paper?

She watched his eyes assess her state and smirked. She would offer no answers until he asked.  He opened the file in his hand low enough for her to see its contents.

"Lee, is it? How do you do?" He humbly extended his hand. He watched her eyes tone down a shade.

" I prefer Chameleon. For obvious reason." She accepted his hand with a small mischievous smile.

From the corner of his eye, O'Grady saw the sheet move again. Another woman stepped out, though she seemed unaware of his presence.

"Girl? Where'd you put that damn lighter?" Brown eyes searched the floor desperately. "You're messin' up the system I got going on." Hidden beneath her short dark hair, O'Grady could see an earpiece. A portable CD discman was attached to her hip.

Eventually she looked up to her friend, and over her shoulder. Cheeks reddened in sudden embarrassment. The Bee Gee's sang their hearts out into the silence.


Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive.

"Shoot! I hadn't realised we had company" She narrowed her eyes and looked to her friend.

"Bad Company!" The blonde screeched.

O'Grady tried to hide his surprise. Apparently he'd missed the joke. Both women were now holding onto each other and their stomachs as rolls of laughter made a crescendo though the room.  These two seemed very comfortable around each other, almost sisterly.

He cleared his throat as if to remind them of his presence.

"Ladies. I'd like to speak with you both for a couple of minutes, if I may?" In the far corner of the room he motioned towards a wooden table seating four chairs.

They followed behind him, smirking madly. If he decided to turn around, he would have caught them winking at each other.  He was unaware of how appealing his rear view seemed to be.

"You must be Shawn then?" When they sat he eyed the taller, dark haired woman.

She smiled. " Shawn. Hey you! Yo! Do you work here? Or Steel. The latter works best for me."

O'Grady returned the smile and placed the files on the table. He watched as the women sat, facing him.  They seemed humbly comfortable, which surprised him. They were more amused than alarmed. Perhaps they'd been expecting him?

" I'd like to start with a few questions.  I realise my visit may be somewhat imposing, and if at anytime you feel uncomfortable, please say so. I'd just like to speak to you, observe general behavioural patterns… " He reached into his breast pocket to retrieve a pen. " I am here to take notes, if you have any questions, I'd be happy to answer them."

"You're with the F.B.I." Steel accentuated. He was unsure whether it was a question or statement.

"Yes. That's right." O'Grady nodded, tapping the pen against the desk hoping for a fresh flow of ink.

" I don't suppose you're one of Jack Crawford's?" She went on, bitting the side of her cheek to prevent the showing of a huge smirk.

He raised a quizzical eyebrow "Errm. No. Jacqueline Ford is heading behavioural science at the moment." He paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. "Now. Firstly, whose room is this?"

" Mine." Steel said.

"Do you two often share rooms? I see you've constructed a semi-permeant set-up for the room." He nodded toward the drape of sheets.

Both women turned a rose shade of red. " It traps the smoke, you see." Steel admitted quietly.

"Smoking ahh…whatever that is, is a part of your treatment syllabus?" O'Grady tried to avoid a mocking tone.

"Well. The story goes like this…" Chameleon jumped in before Steel could think up a quip reply " Steel admitted herself a few months ago and wrote to tell me about it.  I decided to visit once, to see how she was doing. To have a bit of fun I dressed up for the occasion so to speak, in a doctor's uniform.  Thing is, they thought that I actually was the new resident psychiatrist."

"And for that they decided it was best you stay here too?" O'Grady closed his eyes into tiny slits, the typical response mechanism of hard thought.

 "Oh no." She paused a moment and looked over to Steel who was grinning. " Dr. Fredrickson insisted that after my little…performance, I was in desperate need of a physical.  He said that my delusional state would most likely result in chest pains, so he took me down to the dispensary." She sighed. "He started that psych dribble and so, as you do, I tried to talk him into eating his own tongue." She paused to gauge his reaction. "He almost bought it, he's not a real doctor you know, no PhD. Anyhow, I got impatient and he was getting a little too friendly so I lunged forward and attacked him. Unfortunately they managed to save both of his eyes..."  The small blonde sat back humbly in her chair, as if at peace with her admission.

O'Grady fought hard to conceal his surprise.  Quite frankly, the small woman had the power to intimidate the 6-foot federal agent.

"And so that's why you are sharing this room?" He was still confused

"Fredrickson got a court order to put me away for awhile. My room has been fitted especially with a smoke detector, Steel's hasn't...yet."

O'Grady nodded, putting the pieces together in his mind. "And what exactly is it that you are smoking?" He glanced over at the burning butts held in the hands of each of the women. Steel had found her lighter.

Another giggle. " We make to with what we have, and what we have is the best" Steel replied and pointed towards a stack of back and white paper that stood in the far corner, next to the 'tent'. " Anthony Hopkins and Alan Rickman." Bursts of laughter followed.

O'Grady glanced over their shoulders. Sure enough there in the corner sat photocopies of the two famous actors.  They were smoking printed imagines!

This is the craziest thing I've ever seen…and I've only just started!

"You think this is bad?…Wait till you meet the rest of the gang!"

He took notes hastily as the women sat smirking.  He jotted down behavioural patterns, general appearance, condition of habitat and record of socialisation. They seemed content to watch him for a few minutes, but soon became restless.

" So…Agent O'Grady, you haven't spoken much about your agenda here today." Steel questioned, pulling her seat closer to the table. "Really we all fit under the same category, just a 'nut with a crush'. There must be some other point to your visit…" She dropped off suddenly.

" Jacquelyn Ford is anxious to start a database." He replied looking up

Chameleon picked up where Steel left off " My, she must be busy with that Starling Stalker."

Silence. O'Grady was caught off guard.

"I expect so" He had fallen right into their trap.

The women looked at each other and then back to the undeniably striking FBI agent.

"No. Not I expect so Agent O'Grady, you know perfectly well it's the Starling Stalker" They spoke in unison.

Oh my…

"I've heard about it briefly." He honestly replied in a calm tone, overshadowing their disconcerting effect.

"So you haven't been sent here to ask us about that then? Tell us, what do you know about him, Agent O'Grady?" Steel asked.

Somehow they'd manage to turn the tables and shift the drilling focus onto him. "I just keep up with the newspapers; Caucasian male, late twenties, perhaps early thirties, dying obsession with Jodie Foster and Julianne Moore. He actually sees them as Clarice Starling and has taken to sending death threats… the usual stalker business. Why would I be asking you about him? Do you know something?" He wasn't expecting so.

" We might." Chameleon grinned.

O'Grady was in mid-sentence of further questioning when a loud shrill, followed by the thumping of a base, overpowered the silence. He cocked his head and looked about the room, it seemed to be coming from next-door.

"Psychotherapy! Dr. Fredrickson's homebrand style." Steel turned down the blaring of her own discman and listened intently to the melody flowing on the other side of the wall.

"There's legislation which prohibits unethical patient treatments." O'Grady stated, still amused by the high pitch squealing of, what he assumed was, a teenage girl. "I'll speak to Dr. Fredrickson when I see him".

Both women snorted their amusement, and shook their heads empathetically.

"Who are you seeing next?" Chameleon asked.

"I haven't decided, perhaps next door." He shuffled through the files in front of him, looking at the poor quality photographs.  "I wouldn't mind speaking to him today" He pointed towards the file second from the top.

Both women winced and then smirked.

"Well, it's either the basement or the belltower. Your pick." Steel's eyes glittered with delight and challenge.  " I know where all the secret panels are around here, just tell me your destination, and I'll get you there." She laughed and watched as he allowed himself a smile of his own.

Ohh yeaaah! Now there's a smile! They both sat coyly back in their seats, slightly red in the cheeks.

"I'll keep that in mind." The chair scraped across the tiled floor, as Quinton O'Grady rose to leave. He extended his hand politely to both women once more before speaking. " I'd like to continue this session, perhaps at a later date.  Thank you both for your cooperation." He stood, pushed his chair in and started towards the exit.

"Your welcome." Both women said, very gently.

Much the same on his way in, Agent O'Grady failed to feel two pairs of eyes move discreetly over his rear end, as he left the room. He did, however, hear the familiar chuckles as the door shut behind him.

He smiled to himself.

Tucking the folders under his arm, he made his way down the hall in a haste decision in regards to his next destination.

Hmm this is more fun that I imagined.

He padded softly down the corridor, heading towards the elevator.  We are unable to see which button he taps, the top? Or the bottom…

A/N: To my big sisters Steel and Chameleon- this one was obviously for you. We'll see more of you two later *wink*. Luna- perhaps you should hold off on that alternate ending, I feel guilty; I've had this done for quite a while. The next chapter, YOU ARE SO ON! Now I'm off…hmmm to the basement, or the belltower? ;)  More Lecterphiles coming soon to a ward near you!