By Borath
(Yami's POV)
I hate the dark.
Yugi would be surprised to hear that, and likely heartbroken to know that I had to exist in blackness when inside my Soul Room. Would probably blame himself for the oh-so-traumatic experience of being trapped in there when he forced me inside the Puzzle when I got a little carried away in a duel and started threatening the opponent's existence.
My hatred-no. Fear. My *fear* of the dark is not some simple childish anxiety that never quite died. No, it stemmed from a much more recent time; when I was trapped inside of the Millennium Puzzle for over five thousand years, alone, in the dark.
I had no real concept of time there, and I cannot decide if that was a good thing or not. Good that I didn't know how many days, weeks, months and years had passed since I last saw my family, my world? Or bad that with every unknown minute that passed I crept a little closer to the brink, to total insanity.
Being imprisoned had its effects on me of course; being trapped inside of an Item has its effects on every yami. Take Bakura for example; he's a psychotic bastard who enjoys stealing souls and beats his Hikari in his spare time. I on the other hand like trying to draw blood in 'games' and break people's minds when they cheat.
I'm colder now, something that the dark and I have in common. Compassion, love, sympathy, remorse; none of these things were strong enough to survive living in a prison without walls for so long, withering to nothing and leaving nothing in their wake.
I scare Yugi sometimes, and I can feel his fear of me, which hurts. He's starting to rub off on me a little, again something that I am indecisive about concerning its benefits. On the one hand something that died is being returned to me, but on the other I am becoming more human. Being cold in the heart allowed me to withstand being in the Puzzle when I was not needed in the outside world, but the affects of my Hikari's presence is causing me to become more human, and it's getting harder to stay in there.
Hell, I very nearly outright *refused* to return to that damnable place this morning. Yugi called me out to duel, thanked me when I had won, nicely too which was a pleasant change for him, and then bid me good day and concentrated on sending me back inside. Back to my Soul Room. Back to my prison.
Soul Room. That is the most inappropriate thing for it to be called. It makes it sound, safe. A place of comfort and respite, both of which I have yet to experience in my Soul Room. Damned place.
I can feel things from outside in there too. Sound, sensation, if I'm lucky a little blur of colour that disappears before I can identify it. These are all muted of course; I, of could not be given the simple pleasure of interaction in my prison.
Yugi talks to me sometimes, but I'm still in the dark.
Yami means dark, which is sadistically appropriate. Named after that which I fear, that which I am trapped in and that which is threatening to destroy me. I hate being in the dark. I need to tell him, but for me to come out would be to send Yugi there, and I can't do that to my Aibou. I won't.
So I'm stuck. Not entirely alone but isolated where it matters. In some ways I'm a prisoner; I need Yugi's summoning now to get out of my Soul Room. The fear that I experience whilst I'm in there is practically paralysing.
Dark. Abyss. One and the bloody same in my mind. A prison without walls for my mind that I can never escape and no-one knows I am in. But I can't tell him.
It might make me colder or it could just destroy me entirely. My existence has been long though, despite it not exactly being productive, so I have no qualms with dying, either in mind or in body.
It is the only escape that I have from this. I saved the world, as cliché as that sounds, and received this 'reward' for my actions. The world truly is a cruel place. But I will say nothing.
Yugi will not know and therefor will not be subjected to what I have experienced to save me.
I'm nearly dead anyway. The only strong, vibrant thing I have aside from him is my fear, and he pales compared to that in terms of insistence.
I really do hate the dark.
End
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