* Eagles may Soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines *

-Your friendly neighborhood Weasel Girl! *a.k.a. ME!*


"Yes, General?" The phoenix said as he entered the glass office with Akio in tow.

A burly man at a lone desk looked up at them, bringing to sight a long scar running through his right eye and down his cheek to tug at the corner of his mouth. "Ah, Jonathan. So glad you made it back. I trust Akio here wasn't too much trouble for you?"

The Phoenix laughed humorlessly, "Trouble? Oh, HEAVENS no! No trouble at ALL!" his smile disappeared instantly, replaced by a look of fury, "General, you have no idea what I lengths I went through to get him here-"

"And you'll go through pleanty more, dear boy." The general smiled sardonically, "I want you to work with him."

"HA!" Akio interjected, "Oooooh, that goes to show you, bird-man! HAHA! Take that! He wants You to work with ME!"

"Not so fast, Ohtori." The general held up one gloved hand, "You're still a criminal, and one bastardly devil-"

"That's sexy bastard to you"

"Whatever. One sexy bastard, and we're going to put you away as soon as this job is done, but for now..." He looked to Jonathan who appeared to be steaming, "I wish for you to help my finest assistent with something urgent."

Akio considered this as if he were just asked weather he preferred red or pink. ((just for a side note, the answer is RED)) "Let me get this straight. I get to prance around with this lovely little fun muffin on your request only to have you throw me in jail the second I'm done busting my ass for you?"

"Yes, that's pretty much it."

"Cool!"

"Hold on a second," Jonathan interrupted, finding his voice at last. "What kind of mission is there in the UNIVERSE that would require help from Ohtori Akio?"

"I need him to make you a man."

Akio and Jonathan blinked twice each, then spluttered, "WHAT?"

"I need him to make you a man."

"WHAT!?"

"Must I really repeat myself?"

Jonathan was the first to recover, out of anger. "WHAT the Hell is HE going to do to make ME a man!? Ok, first off, aren't I man enough? I mean, I don't hesitate to kill people, I can bench you, and I've got really big boots and funky colored hair! Not to mention skin tight black leather pants! And...and...Why Akio???? He's, he's too damn skinny! He's shaped like a girl, he's got girly hair, he's got girly tastes, he freaking sleeps with MEN, and he's got eyelashes the size of the NILE! How is HE going to teach me to be a man!?"

Akio shot him a furious glare, but the General halted him with a wave of his hand, "Because, my dear Jonathan, he's one sexy bastard. And women love him." Akio nodded in approval, but Jonathan just stood there with his mouth wide open. This was really not going his way.

"But why, General, should you care about my manliness? I'm the judge of that, and if women don't like it, then tough for them!"

"JONATHAN!" The general roared, rising from his seat and pounding his hands on the table ((kinda like Integral Hellsing)) "Have you forgotten your place? You know very well who you're going to marry. Don't you want her to be pleased with you when you finally meet?"

Akio turned and raised an extremely sexy eyebrow at Jonathan as the red-haired man clasped both hands to his mouth. "Oh, General, I'm so terribly sorry." He sighed resignedly, "What will you have me do?"

"You'll both go back to Ohtori Academy, and stay there for a month. You'll live with Akio in that damned observatory. And Akio!" Akio sprang to attention. "Don't try anything funny. No men over night. No girls over night. No banging your sister on the couch. No banging your fiancee on the telescope. No cacti and no floral accessories. Your damn school keeps the Weiss Kreuz boys busy enough as it is."

"I do pay them well, though, you know..." Akio informed him, a lewd grin appearing on his face.

"Akio, that's disgusting. Surely not Omi-"

"Oh, yes. ALL of them."

"ouleeeeeh!"

"Excuse me while I go barf." Jonathan said flatly, holding his stomach.

"Anyway!" The general said, turning the subject to the matter at hand, "You will show Jonathan the tools of the trade. Make him unbearably sexy. But be careful. Don't under any circumstances make him a slut! He's very important to me. I don't want him getting any diseases."

"I imagine Ohtori already has a lovely collection of THOSE." Jonathan muttered.

"Don't worry, mister General sir. I won't make birdy here into a slut-muffin. I'm the only slut-muffin allowed in my school." Akio grinned, grabbing the edges of his jacket and pulling them wide.

The general shielded the view with his hand, "The only one? Akio you must be kidding me. What about Touga? Saionji? And that one Ruka guy? Not to mention your sister. Surely they're considered slut-muffins as well?"

Akio sniffed, "No, actually. Touga doesn't really sleep with any of his girlfriends. he just talks to them on his cell phone. Saionji and I are the only ones he's really been with. And Saionji has only slept with Touga, but his real love lies in Wakaba. ((there you go, Baka Waka-chan. You have your fantasy)) Ruka never slept with Shiori because she's even more of an underworld monster than I am. He's purely with Juri, who also never slep with Shiori just for the memo. As for my sister... She, Utena, and I are just one big circle of indirect sex. So, you see, I am the only true slut-muffin. It makes me so proud sometimes." Akio sniffled and wiped a fake tear from his cheek. "Now where's the bar?"

*Bwaha. Now you see how this world works. TOO FUN! How the Hell did I come up with that? To think this all started with Akio and a single Chairman.*