Title: Faith Of The Heart 3/? Author: Claudie Loire AKA CdL Pairings: D/C Rating: PG-13 Spoilers: umm everthing? Synopsis: Connor writes a letter to a very unusual person. Distribution: Unnatural, Only Death & Destiny, Otherwise just ask. Im very likely to say yes. Disclaimer: Not mine, I wish! The poem is by me however. The song is by Russel Watson. Dedication: Kizmet K, who gave me the idea for the opening paragraph and Cynthia, who gave me the idea.

Connor's breathing had sped rapidly as he read the letter, over and over. Was this some kind of sick joke? The thought filled his clear blue eyes with tears. In that moment he could feel the cold, and he pulled the duvet covers over his arms, relishing the feel of them. He just could not understand. One of those tears escaped his eyes, and fell almost in slow motion, down his cheek and rolled of the tip of his nose, spilling on to the paper, smudging he writing just slight.

"Hello sleepy-head," smiled a bubbly Cordelia as she entered the room-his room- this was so confusing. He quickly shut the book with hand and wiped his eyes with the other.

Cordelia's stance changed when she seen Connor curled up in the blankets. He looked like a little boy. Which, to be technical, he still was. In this dimension, anyway. " Everything okay?"

Connor forced a little smile. "Yes."

"Its just you didn't come down for your lunch when Angel called," Cordelia prodded gently.

Damn, he must have not heard with everything. "I just lost track of time,"

"Easy enough to do," Cordelia replied. "Are you cold?" she commented, indicating the blanket.

"Oh.." He genuinely smiled and said, "A little bit." Cordy couldn't decide which he looked more like at that moment: A deer caught in headlights or his father in the same position. She almost laughed. She walked over to the small chest of drawers, and found a black sweater. She handed it to him. "I think this is a little more effective and you wont get strange looks if you where it outside." She smiled. "Coming?"

Connor nodded, set the book on the bed and headed down stairs. He ate his lunch in silence, polite giving yes, no, ok answers to all questions asked and attempts to start conversation. He had too much to think about and he didn't feel like he could talk to anyone here, not really, and that made him feel wary of all of them. He didn't know whom he could talk to. Then it hit him.

"May I be excused?" he asked Angel, politely but showing the urgency.

"Of course," Angel shrugged.

Connor half ran into the office, grabbing his fathers address book as he wnr. He picked up the phone, and started going through the little book so vicariously that he dropped it.

"Damn it, " he said, reaching for the book and started looking through the letters. J, K, L, M, N, Damn where was that freaking S ?! S, Summers, Buffy. Got it! He punched the numbers in and waited for the ringing on the end.

"Hello?" Came a voice on the other end.

"Dawn? Its Connor."

Dawn's smile lit up on the other end of the phone. "Hi!"

Connor shifted uncomfortably on the other end of the phone. "Listen, can you talk for a minute? I have to talk to you about something."

"Sure, go ahead." Dawn dragged the phone over to the armchair while listening attentively to Connors hushed voice, on the end of the phone. At the end of the story, the phone went quiet and Dawn wasn't sure what to say. All she could think of was to tell him that he should write back.

"Dawn, how longer are you planning to talk to your boy friend? I need to use the phone."

Dawn turned to find Buffy staring at her, eyebrows up in that way you could tell that she was pissed. But Dawn felt all the blood rushing to her face involuntarily and all she could come out with was an embarrassed "He's not my boyfriend," She then turned to the phone and said her good byes, pushed the button and gave the phone to her sister.

That night Connor decided to take Dawns advice. After all, Dawn was really smart. She lived on the Hell mouth! She had to be. He sat in the bed and started to write.

"Mother,

I'm not even sure if this is you I'm writing to, but Dawn I should at least reply to see. Hence, here I am.

Its kind of you to talk like that, about me. But you don't know me so how could you know anything?

Sometimes, family just isn't enough. You need other people to know you, to like you, to see you as a normal person, not some freak that they want to cut open and see how it works.

To see me as me, as a him, not an it.

Maybe I need to bottle things up. Who the hell am I supposed to talk to? Dad, who's so busy with saving the world and drooling over Cordelia to see as anything more than a nervous wreck of a child. I'm not a child, not anymore. But he wouldn't get that. He wants me to be that little child, I just don't have the heart to hurt him by saying otherwise. Cordelia maybe? Who preens herself for Dad, tries to replace my mother, tries to be you, and ends up making me feel worse because I'm reminded of my life being like it is. Being different. Gunn, who is wary of me and is Fred and she in him and her studies to take much notice, maybe Lorne, the demon, who I'm not sure I want to even be near. If there were someone I could talk to, I would not be sitting here writing this!

I think you are right. Life is a bitch.

Still do? What do you mean by that? And of course I want Dawn to be happy. I love her! Wow. I can't believe I just wrote that. I'm in love with Dawn Summers. Wow.

What can I say about Dawn? She has dark brown hair like he finest silk. Blue Green eyes the colour of the ocean. Skin pale as the finest ivory. A smile that lights up a room. She's like a dimensional key, or used to be. Or still is. I'm not sure about that. She lives on the hell mouth. She's really brave like that.

I'm not even sure why I love her. She is just so.amazing. Different, yet the same. She says so little yet so much. I really don't know how to explain it more than that.

What can I say? I'm in love.

Connor."

And with that, he put the book on the desk and turned over, falling into an unsteady sleep of strange and fearful dreams.