Chapter 4: Screw with me!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the HM characters. They belong to the Natsume dudez

A/N: Okay now back to the main point of the story. The last chapter was just for kix. Besides, I had to include the children..they're kewl. Anyway---back to Jack. [hey, that rhymes]

Jack returned home, not exactly knowing what to do. Zack, the shipper man, walked into his farm to get the crops in the bin.

Zack: Hey Jack, hwo was your day?

Jack looked over by his mailbox where Zack was standing.

Jack: (in a dreamy voice) Fine. Just fiiiiiiiiiine. Very fiiiiine

Zack: Oh well. That's great. I'll just collect your shipment and be on my way

Jack: Alright but make it quick. I need to be somewhere at 6:30 sharp!

Zack: A date I suppose?

Jack blushed and flashed the man an angry look.

Jack: Since when has my PERSONAL life become so interesting to you? Mind your own business

Zack: Touchy..touchy. Forget I asked

Jack rolled his eyes and muttered an "I will". He started on his way to the vineyard, but halfway there he stopped.

Jack: thinking to self Maybe I should get her a gift. After all, she was nice enough to invite me to go there with her

He didn't have much time, 1 hour. Searching for a nice gift was pretty tough. He looked around the mountain and caves but no luck. 40 minutes left..

Jack: {beginning to panic} Oh, come on! There's gotta be something Ann would like!

Jack thought a while and then ran into his house. He went over to his Organizer Cabinet. He searched and then found one. A Moonlight Stone. He had never given a stone to anyone before. Especially not a girl. But it was kinda pretty and it sparkled. Jack shoved it in his rucksack next to some herbs he'd picked 6 days ago. They were starting to stink but Jack didn't notice. He sprinted out of the farm, not wanting to be late for his date.

In the vineyard 4 people were waiting for Jack to arrive.

Ann: (In the vineyard bushes) Good thing that girl and her parents went to bed early

Grey: (behind the tree with his pals) I wonder where Jack is

Cliff: G-Grey I n-n-need to go to the bathroom

Grey: I thought I told you to go before we came

Cliff: I did. But I g-gotta go again!

Kai: I wish I had my lucky 5-leaf clover with me. Then I could kiss it and then wish I had a penny

Cliff: I gotta go to the bathroom!

Grey whacked hi on the head.

Grey: Hold it in, stupid!

Cliff: B-But I read in a b-boook once that holding it it in can d-damage your bladder and arteries!

Kai: I like my arteries with mashed dumplings and yams

Jack suddenly popped into the vineyard.

Jack: Oh, Ann.

Ann: Gee witterz, country boy. I here thought sometin had happened ter yeh.

Jack: Nope. I'm okay. I took a while, because I was out getting you a present

Ann: A gift fer meh? Yeh shouldn't have

Jack reached into his rucksack and pulled out a fish.

Jack: Oooops. Wrong gift

Jack put it back and then took out the Moonlight Stone. Ann stared at it. Her eyes twinkled. She gently took the stone from Jack's palms.

Jack: So, do ya like it, babe

Ann: I luv it, counrty boy. It shineser all dam colors in der rainbow

Jack: Glad ya like it so much. So why'd ya wanna meet me here?

Ann: {getting a foxy look in her eyes} Oh, no reason

Ann laid the stone down and started to unstrap her overalls.

Jack: Um..Ann?

Ann: Jack, I love you a lot

Ann slid off her pants. She had on a firey red thong.

Jack: A-a-a-aa-a-aaa

Ann started to slide up her shirt.

Grey: {choking} D-Deii. What is she doing?!

Cliff: {coverign his mouth} Eeeeeeeeee!

Kai: Uh. I'm seen this before. Next Ann's gonna-

Cliff: No! Kai d-don't you d-d-dare s-say anything!

Kai: I was just gonna say that Ann was gonna make smoothies

Grey: What?

Ann slid her whole shirt off. Jack looked at Ann shocked. Not only did she have a red thong, but she was also wearing a tight white bra with Dalmatian spots. Now she was letting her hair down out of the braid.

Jack: A-A..Ann..

Jack noticed that Ann look a lot sexier with her hair down. And she was slinking closer to him.

Jack: Ann, I .I.I've never seen you like this befo-

Ann: Well, yer in luck, country boy. I don't do this very often. Excepter with other players

Jack: {grinning} You think I'm a player?

Ann: Would yeh like ter beh one?

Ann grabbed Jack and pulled him closer.

Ann: Take it off

Jack immediately tore off his shirt, but he reached down to pull his jeans off too quickly. He fell face first into the dirt.

Ann: Hoah! Baby, are yeh alla right?

Jack: Mmph me mer

Ann: Okay then, getcher face eer up outa dat dirt. Weez gotsus some business ter take care uff

Jack wiped his face and took off his pants. Then he threw his hat to the side.

Ann: Bring it

Jack: No prob-lamo!

Jack hugged Ann and they started to french.

Grey: Eeee! I can't take this anymore.

Cliff: (pukes silently) Bleh!

Kai: (looking at the puddle) Cliff, did you have fried eggs this morning?

Grey: Oh..gaw

Jack and Ann made some kissy noises and then both fell down and started making out.

Grey: {jumping up} STOOOOOOOOOP!!!

But Ann and Jack ignored him. This was both of their best experiences.

Grey: What the..? Hey! Don't ignore me!

Jack: {with his tongue in Ann's mouth} Beat it..

Grey: Little sister, get offa him!

Ann: {opening her eyes} GREY?!

Jack: GREY?!

Kai: GREY?!

Jack and Ann turned to see Kai and Cliff right behind Grey.

Jack: (turning white) Oh bloody hell..

Grey: (taking a step closer) Yeah, you'll be going there soon enough! Get ova here!

Grey leaped at Jack who quickly scampered away.

Ann: Brother, you had betta stoppit that now!

Grey: Did he hurt you? Scratch you? Bite you?

Ann: I'm fine as canner beh. Yer deh one with theh problemz!

Kai: I'm fine. Cept my butt feels kinda sandy

Grey: I wasn't talking to you, asshole! Ann, we're leaving

Ann stuck her nose in the air.

Ann: Says who? You cheap beanbag

Grey walked over and lifted her up.

Ann: Hey! Put meh down, Grey!

Kai: I lifted a bottle cap once

Cliff: {scared} Eeeew! O-Off the gr-ground?! It had germs! Germs! Gross!

Kai: Uh. It's okay. I didn't eat it. I just tasted it

Cliff fainted. Grey started walking out of the vineyard with his screaming sister on his back. Jack was busy looking for his hat.

Jack: Where is it? I know I put it here somewhere

Ann: Grey, you bastard! Put meh down! I'll tell Father!

Grey: I'll tell Father too! About how you were gonna have sex in the vineyard with that sicko farm boy!

Ann: Oh, Dad already knows I'm a slut

Kai: Hehe yeah. Sluts are cool

Kai was carrying Cliff on his back who was still unconcious. Jack finally found his hat in the tree. A squirrel had stolen it and was humping it.

Jack: Ew! You perverted little gerbil!

Jack snatched it away. The squirrel was outraged. He made a weird whistling noise. Thirty-seven little squirrels stuck their heads out of the tree hole.

Squirrel: {to the 37 other squirrels} Chick churpeeroo! [That thing stoel my humping toy. attack!]

37 other squirrels: Chuuuuuurp! [Chaaaaarge!]

All 38 squirrels pounced onto Jack, biting, scratching, and ripping on every part of Jack's body. And I mean EVERY part.

Jack: Aaaaaaaaagh! Squirrel attack!

Jack ran off screaming like a baby with all the little creatures still clinging to him.

Jack: They're in my pants! OOOOOOOW! And one bit my-

Jack tripped over a rock and landed on top of a huge snake. The snake looked up at him with glaring red eyes.

Jack {meekly} No..

The snake hissed and wrapped around Jack.

Jack: Please don't hurt me, Mr. Snake. I didn't mean to fall on ya. But these-ow! Damn little-ow!- are biting-ow!- and ripping and scratching where it hurts! OW!

Snake: Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis, siss

The snake opened its mouth to reveal its long sharp fangs.

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Sorry I stopped at the high action part. I'm on a writer's block. Please r/r and maybe pitch in a few ideas about what could happen.....thanx. Signing off.