[Scene: Daria and Jane are standing at Daria's locker in the hall. Only one or two other students are in the hall.]
Jane: Wow, not bad. Even you don't usually make him cry that fast.
Daria: What can I say? O'Neill was getting on my nerves.
[Unfamiliar student comes walking down the hallway. He is wearing a black, short-sleeved T-shirt over a long-sleeved gray shirt, beat-up baggy jeans, and black boots. He has multiple piercings in his left ear and one in his eyebrow. His hair is spiked in every direction, about 4 inches long, and he has a spiked dog collar around his neck.]
Jane: Hmm. I'm sensing a fashion emergency. Good. Let's watch.
Daria: Now Jane, shouldn't we warn him? [Pause] Nah.
Jane: I guess it doesn't matter, here he comes. [As the new student approaches]
Student: Hi, can you girls help me out a bit? I need to find my class. It's Room 13 with DeMartino.
Jane: You're in luck. If you want to call it that. That's our next class. You can follow us, but it doesn't start for another 15 minutes. Our teacher got a little, shall we say, distraught and let us out early. I'm Jane and this is Daria. [Daria blushes].
Student: Great, you can call me QB.
Jane: QB? Are you serious? This is going to be more fun than I thought.
QB: What? Why?
Jane: You'll see. So what does QB stand for?
QB: If I wanted every one to know my name, I wouldn't be going by QB, now would I?
Daria: You know, that means his name is going to be very fun. [Still blushing]
Jane: [Notices Daria blushing] Darn, I guess no more fun with Trent. Oh well, there is so much more opportunity here. [Evil grin]
Daria: Kill you [blush deepens].
QB: I'm missing something good here aren't I?
Jane: Oh yeah.
QB: So why did your last teacher let class out early?
Daria: Like Jane said, he became a little distraught. [Mona Lisa smile] I don't suppose your class during this time slot would be with O'Neill would it?
QB: Yeah, if I'd been here in time. Why?
Jane: Oh this will be fun. It'll require some planning. We'll need three black trench coats and some body paint.
Daria: We don't even need that stuff. If we just walk in together O'Neill is going to cry.
Jane: But we can take this so much farther.
[Scene fades]
[15 minutes later. Fade in on Daria, Jane and QB walking into DeMartino's class just as the bell rings].
DeMartino: Good morning class. It seems we have a new student. I assume that you are Quin-
QB: [Cuts DeMartino off] yeah, um, just call me QB.
Kevin: But I'm the QB!
QB: [As if talking to a very small child]. No, I'm sorry, I'm not the QB, I'm just QB. It's my name.
Kevin: [Oblivious] But I'm the QB!
Brittany: Yeah, and you don't look like a QB.
QB: [Leans over and whispers] That's because I'm in disguise. I'm trying to find out what the uncool people are planning against you. It doesn't look good.
Kevin: Oh. Cool [pause] Wait a second [Thinks] Ow! Too much thinking!
Daria: [Under her breath] As if that were possible for you. [Out loud] Kevin, you're missing the football game, didn't anyone tell you about it?
Kevin: Oh no, not again! Come on, Babe, let's go! Good thing we have our uniforms on! [He and Brittany run out]
DeMartino: Daria, I'd appreciate it if you didn't make any more of my students disappear again today. [Looks around class and remembers who his students are]. Oh what's the use? [Pause] Let's get started. Can anyone tell me how World War I was started? Sandi?
Sandi: Like, maybe they ran out of cool clothes or something.
DeMartino: No! QB?
QB: Gee, I think that was when George Washington wrote the Emancipation Proclamation and set sail for the New World. Right?
DeMartino: AAARRRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! OUT! GET OUT, ALL OF YOU! GO HOME! STUDY! GROW SOME BRAINS! READ!
Jane: [As everyone leaves] That went well.
Daria: In case you're interested, World War I really started when-
QB: When the prince of Austria was assassinated. I know, I just wanted to play with him. And I don't want to ruin my rep just yet.
Jane: Nice.
Daria: So why tell us?
QB: I guess I just didn't think you'd give a hoot.
Jane: Then why can't you tell us your name?
QB: You'll laugh.
Jane: Probably.
QB: See? Now that's just so encouraging.
Jane: [Grabs Daria's face] Oh, come on, look at this face. Doesn't she just need a good laugh?
Daria: Kill you. [To QB] Now tell me, I've earned it.
QB: [Sighs] Fine. It's Quincy Byron III.
Jane: Quincy?! The third?
Daria: No wonder you prefer QB. Wonder how long that lasts…
Jane: It'll probably give a little before his will to live goes.
Daria: Cool. We can watch.
QB: You girls are so weird. Anyway, what about you, you've been here a lot longer than me, I'm sure, and "Daria" is a pretty unusual name.
Daria: We survive by watching the newbies wither. And "Daria" isn't QB.
Jane: Or tormenting teachers. Why, just this morning, our little Daria here made O'Neill cry in less than 10 minutes.
Daria: Call me little again and I'll make you cry in less than 10 seconds.
QB: So… Tell me about this O'Neill character.
Daria: He's a hypersensitive optimist who's always on the lookout for warm bodies with low self-esteem (or a brain, it's almost the same thing at this school) to populate his self-esteem class.
QB: Great, not another one.
Jane: Well, I'll get you out of the class if you'll wear a black trench coat tomorrow.
QB: Whatever.
Daria: It might be more effective if we all wear trench coats.
QB: Whatever.
Jane: You don't talk a lot, do you? Anyway, back to our evil scheme. Anyone for some body art?
Daria: Careful, don't overdo it. It's easy to scare O'Neill. We're trying to do it with style.
Jane: Oh, come one, I didn't even ask him to dye his hair blue.
QB: Ooh, I've wanted to do that for a while…
[Jane's eyes glow as an evil grin spreads across her face. Scene fades]
***Commercial Break***
[Jane is seen holding an oatmeal box.]
Jane: Oatmeal is good for you,
Oh it's not just goo!
It's a meal in a box,
That makes you strong as an ox!
It's FIBERLICIOUS! So eat your oatmeal every day. And remember: with oatmeal, you may never be normal (I know I won't be), but you'll always be regular!
***Back to the show***
Well, maybe not back to the show today. I'm not sure if this is any good, so if you want more, you're going to have to tell me. Funny, I hate it when authors do this to me. Actually, it's just not finished yet and I want some feedback. This is my first fanfic, so please be considerate, i.e. constructive criticism only.
