Disclaimers: I don't own Gundam Wing or any of these characters (sob!) I don't own the Doug Anthony All Stars, who wrote and sang the song 'Friends' before I brutalised it (pout!) I wish I did own something, just so that I could state it here (sigh!)
A.N. If you have never heard of DAAS, then it's probably ok to read this song parody – you will still get it, even though you are sadly lacking in culture. *grins* I really recommend you go listen to the original.
You are warned: DAAS would not be called the most family-friendly band, nor is it politically correct. I have preserved this tradition in all it's glory, so if you are going to be offended, go do it somewhere else. There is shonen ai, so if you don't like, don't read.
The singing is in italics the actions are in *asterisks*
Friends GW Style by Aurenne
Duo: A wise man once said: 'Make love not war'. My friend disagrees, although that might be because he doesn't seem to be getting any action. But you see…
Duo: 'He is quiet, he is shy – a reserved kind of guy
Someone you would keep the knives from –
He had a twinkle in his eye
They said he was psychotic
They called him psychotically disturbed
They said he was mentally unbalanced
They called him an unfeeling chauvinistic bastard
With severe, violent, personality problems
They used their jargonistic words
So he killed and ranted (So what?!)
Wufei: *mutters*
'Injustice!'
Duo *continuing*
'Made those honour-less soldiers pay –
But Chang Wufei is my friend, OKAY?
We would all go out together and he'd be the odd man out.
But only when he lost to Trieze would you see him with a pout –'
Wufei: 'Shut up, Maxwell – that's not true.'
Duo: 'Aw, embarrassed Wu-man?'
All: 'He is my friend, a friend, we can all be friends
If we just let this little hurt between us mend'
Duo: 'Let me tell you about my friend, boys
I met him at the circus – he was hiding in the dark
Escaped from the Maguanacs, and trying to make Trowa laugh
Yet they say he is a freak, they whispered: he's artificially formed –
He owed his body to science the minute he was born
And yet they'd shrug and say, "But I think he's very kind" –
Yes, yes, Master Quatre Raberba Winner is a friend of mine'
Heero: 'Why doesn't that come as a big fucking surprise?'
Duo: *sticks out his tongue at Heero*
Duo: 'And we'd all go out to his mansions - jaws hanging from our heads
But the thought of him and system zero… kept us sleepless in our beds.'
Trowa: *mutters*
'As it should…'
All: 'He is my friend, a friend
We can all be friends
If we just let this little hurt between us mend!'
Duo: 'He is a musician, quite artistic – he had that suave panache
A tasteful use of gel – that cute uni-bang.
He loved his pet lions, and walking on the high tightrope
And watching blond haired, blue eyed pilots without whom he cannot cope
Yet they say he is a monster, pilot of Heavyarms –
But Trowa Barton, he'd win anyone with those silent charms!
And he loves his target practice, shot those Oz bastards to hell
And as for little Winner – he got Quatre as well!'
Quatre: *blushes*
All: 'He is my friend, a friend, we can all be friends
If we just let this little hurt between us mend
Friends, friends, we can all be friends
If we just let the little hurt between us mend
Quatre: 'He preached peace all over the colony
Heero Yuy Snr was a friend to me.'
Heero: 'Some say he shot people for money – is that crime?
Odin Lowe was a friend of mine.'
Duo: 'He was considered the scourge of the Alliance
But Zechs Marquise is my good rocking buddy!'
Trowa: 'She is cute her knives don't really suit her
Catherine Bloom wants to be my older sister!'
Wufei: 'Lady Une never killed Mr. Dorlian
She was too messed up to off anyone.'
Heero: 'Alex and Mueller never died in the crossfire'
*smirks*
'They're our friends, our buddies – our assassins for hire.'
Quatre: 'Dorothy shaved her eyebrows for me!'
Duo: 'Hilde and I play catch.'
Wufei: 'Relena groupies can pass on cooties.'
Trowa: 'Dokter S was a friend of mine!'
Heero: *glares at the author and whispers 'Omae o korosu'*
'Relena Peacecraft is a friend of mine.'
Quatre: 'Instructor H was a friend of mine!'
Wufei: 'Trieze Kushrenada was a friend of mine!!'
*Everyone (but Wufei) pauses to quietly snigger*
Duo: 'Heero Yuy is a friend of mine!'
Wufei: 'Whoa, whoa, whoa, time out!'
Duo: 'What?'
Wufei: *growls*
'You push, you fucking push until you get some sort of reaction from people – good taste, bad taste! You push the fucking line every time!'
Duo: 'Hey, Wu, you really need to calm down!'
Wufei: Ok then. Let's just look at it logically for a second, let's get this straight: You and Heero Yuy, best friends right? The only other friends he's got in the world are a laptop and Wing Zero. That's you, a laptop and a gundam.'
Duo: 'Yeah right and you can talk – what about you and Nataku?'
Wufei: 'Different. Just face it Maxwell: The guy is more likely to be best buds with Deathscythe Hell than you.'
Duo: *looks sad*
Heero: *glares at Wufei*
'My friend.'
*Hugs Duo*
Duo: ^-^!
Wufei: O.o?
Heero: ^-^
Wufei: … x_x (a.n: can anyone imagine Heero grinning??)
Duo: *starts up the chorus again*
'Friends friends, we can all be friends…'
Wufei: *recovers from his impromptu faint*
'WHAT THE…!!'
Quatre: 'Stop it all of you, before I go System Zero on your asses!'
All: *silence*
Duo: 'Well, that's killed the mood.'
Heero: *attempts to continue the song. The mission must be completed, after all*
'If we just let the little hurt…'
Wufei: *mutters*
'Bloody Quatre fucked up the song.'
Trowa: 'It was your fault in the first place, can you just leave Quatre alone for five seconds?'
Wufei: 'FUCK QUATRE!'
Trowa: 'I DO! …I just tell him we're moving the furniture around the house.'
Heero and Duo: *grinning madly at the two arguing pilots and a beet-red Quatre*
'Between us…'
Wufei: 'That's funny – 'cause I tell him I'm taking his temperature.'
Heero and Duo: 'Friends, friends, let's be friends!'
*Trowa and Wufei glare a bit at each other, then look at Quatre, who is wishing that he could just disappear. Luckily, he doesn't, as in the next moment he is being dragged off-stage by pilots 3 and 5, who have identical lecherous grins plastered upon their faces.*
Duo: 'Oh yeah. They're "friends" all right! Go Wufei! I was so wrong; he is definitely getting some – scary to think that guy is that uptight even when he's getting laid…'
Heero: *small smile*
'Hn. Baka.'
*drags Duo away also, exit stage right*
Owari
