Dawn tried to concentrate on her math homework; it was really, really
hard. She was sitting at the table at the Magic Box, struggling to keep
this huge secret to herself. Spike and Buffy were together! Okay, so
Buffy hadn't actually said the magic words yet, but she totally realized
how hot Spike was.
That was totally a step in the right direction. She was so proud of her sister for finally wising up and picking a good guy. Now she just had to stop herself from telling anybody.
It was really, really hard.
Xander walked over and sat down next to her. "So, Dawn, what's the word?"
Avoid eye contact. That always makes it easier. "What word? There's no word."
"Come on, Dawnie. You're obviously teetering on the edge of a huge secret. Whose is it? It's Buffy's, right? Come on, we won't tell her you spilled the beans."
No telling! No telling! "Xander, stop acting mental. I don't have a secret."
Xander stood up and started walking away. "Okay. I believe you."
"Buffy's boinking Spike." Smooth. Real smooth.
Xander stopped dead in his tracks. Anya, selling a crystal to a customer, almost stopped counting her money; both were obviously in shock.
"What did you say?"
Oh, well. Too late now. "Buffy and Spike. They're boinking. Screwing. Making love. Banging like a screen door in a hurricane. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town. Getting down and dirty. Shagging. Having sex."
Xander still looked shocked. "Yes, thank you Dawn, we are all impressed by your knowledge of synonyms. But- Buffy and Spike? Are you sure?"
"Yeah. Buffy told me. Okay, they only did it once, but Buffy will so realize she loves him and they'll get together and it will be so, so cool."
"I can't believe this!" Xander shouted. "How could Buffy do that? With SPIKE?"
"I think Spike is quite hot. He has an excellent body," Anya piped up from behind the counter.
"Thank you for that input, sweetie."
"You're welcome. Oh, and don't worry. You have an excellent body too, Xander."
Dawn was so pissed at herself. Why couldn't she keep secrets? Buffy was gonna slay her pretty soon.
"Xander? Can you just keep this to yourself for a while? I don't want Buffy to, you know, kill me."
Xander was still looking a little thunderstruck, but, to his credit, he nodded. "I'll wait a day for her to tell me. But then, me and Buff will have a little chat."
It was better than nothing. Dawn just had to convince Buffy to tell him. Oh, God, she hated dealing with Buffy in a bad mood.
Buffy stalked into Spike's crypt. Knocking was a formality that she rarely used. Spike was sitting in his chair, watching some kind of late night horror-movie. She walked over and turned it off.
"Bloody hell! What did you do that for? It was just getting' gory!"
"Spike, I need your help."
All traces of irritation disappeared. "What is it, pet?"
"You know those people that were stalking me? The weird time things at college and the Magic Box? And the weird demons at Xander's construction site? I know who did it. And we're gonna go and get them."
She figured, with this whole second chance thing, she might as well take care of Warren, Andrew, and Jonathon right now. Then she could at least breathe easier. For a little while.
"Eh, pet? Who are they? And.how do you know who they are all of a sudden?"
She was irritated enough without having to explain herself. "Stop asking stupid questions. Just follow me." She walked out toward the street, Spike following close behind, still pulling on his duster.
"So, who are these bastards, anyway?" "Warren."
"The guy who made the girl-bots?"
"Jonathon." "The guy who did that spell to make himself all popular?"
"And Andrew."
"The guy who. who the hell is that?"
"Who cares? Let's just get there."
They walked in silence the rest of the way to Warren's house. Buffy didn't really have a plan. She couldn't just go in and kill them or anything. Did they have the invisibility ray by now? She couldn't remember.
When they reached the house, Buffy motioned for Spike to be quiet and follow her. They walked around to the basement windows and peeked in. All three guys were there- but what were they supposed to do? If they had only done something illegal, they could get locked up.
That's when she noticed what they were doing; they were having money fights. With great wads of money. Where did they get it all? They didn't have jobs or anything.
Then she remembered. The day at the bank! When all the money was stolen! The Scoobies hadn't connected the nerds with that one. But it was just the break they needed. Buffy walked back out to the street; Spike followed her. He was looking a little confused; Buffy couldn't blame him.
"What the hell are we supposed to do about them? We can't kill 'em, or even rough 'em up. So- what's the plan?"
"The plan is to call the police and tell them we found the bank robbers. Then they get locked up and that's the end of it!"
Spike just looked at her. "Bit un-Slayer way to fight, isn't it?"
"Who the hell cares, as long as they're gone?"
With that, they walked into town to the nearest phone booth, where Buffy quickly dialed 9-1-1.
"Hi, um- you know, a couple of weeks ago, when the bank was robbed? Well, I found the robbers.Yeah, I'm okay.They didn't see me."
Buffy rattled off the address and hung up. She and Spike sauntered back to the house and watched the action from across the street. In about ten minutes, squad cars started driving up, squealing and flashing. They rushed down to the basement, then rushed back up with the three guys in tow, handcuffed. They looked ready to piss themselves; Buffy took a kind of odd satisfaction in that.
Well, that was it. The guys who had killed her- sort of, anyway. Were locked up. Before they actually did anything to her.
God. How anticlimactic.
That was totally a step in the right direction. She was so proud of her sister for finally wising up and picking a good guy. Now she just had to stop herself from telling anybody.
It was really, really hard.
Xander walked over and sat down next to her. "So, Dawn, what's the word?"
Avoid eye contact. That always makes it easier. "What word? There's no word."
"Come on, Dawnie. You're obviously teetering on the edge of a huge secret. Whose is it? It's Buffy's, right? Come on, we won't tell her you spilled the beans."
No telling! No telling! "Xander, stop acting mental. I don't have a secret."
Xander stood up and started walking away. "Okay. I believe you."
"Buffy's boinking Spike." Smooth. Real smooth.
Xander stopped dead in his tracks. Anya, selling a crystal to a customer, almost stopped counting her money; both were obviously in shock.
"What did you say?"
Oh, well. Too late now. "Buffy and Spike. They're boinking. Screwing. Making love. Banging like a screen door in a hurricane. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town. Getting down and dirty. Shagging. Having sex."
Xander still looked shocked. "Yes, thank you Dawn, we are all impressed by your knowledge of synonyms. But- Buffy and Spike? Are you sure?"
"Yeah. Buffy told me. Okay, they only did it once, but Buffy will so realize she loves him and they'll get together and it will be so, so cool."
"I can't believe this!" Xander shouted. "How could Buffy do that? With SPIKE?"
"I think Spike is quite hot. He has an excellent body," Anya piped up from behind the counter.
"Thank you for that input, sweetie."
"You're welcome. Oh, and don't worry. You have an excellent body too, Xander."
Dawn was so pissed at herself. Why couldn't she keep secrets? Buffy was gonna slay her pretty soon.
"Xander? Can you just keep this to yourself for a while? I don't want Buffy to, you know, kill me."
Xander was still looking a little thunderstruck, but, to his credit, he nodded. "I'll wait a day for her to tell me. But then, me and Buff will have a little chat."
It was better than nothing. Dawn just had to convince Buffy to tell him. Oh, God, she hated dealing with Buffy in a bad mood.
Buffy stalked into Spike's crypt. Knocking was a formality that she rarely used. Spike was sitting in his chair, watching some kind of late night horror-movie. She walked over and turned it off.
"Bloody hell! What did you do that for? It was just getting' gory!"
"Spike, I need your help."
All traces of irritation disappeared. "What is it, pet?"
"You know those people that were stalking me? The weird time things at college and the Magic Box? And the weird demons at Xander's construction site? I know who did it. And we're gonna go and get them."
She figured, with this whole second chance thing, she might as well take care of Warren, Andrew, and Jonathon right now. Then she could at least breathe easier. For a little while.
"Eh, pet? Who are they? And.how do you know who they are all of a sudden?"
She was irritated enough without having to explain herself. "Stop asking stupid questions. Just follow me." She walked out toward the street, Spike following close behind, still pulling on his duster.
"So, who are these bastards, anyway?" "Warren."
"The guy who made the girl-bots?"
"Jonathon." "The guy who did that spell to make himself all popular?"
"And Andrew."
"The guy who. who the hell is that?"
"Who cares? Let's just get there."
They walked in silence the rest of the way to Warren's house. Buffy didn't really have a plan. She couldn't just go in and kill them or anything. Did they have the invisibility ray by now? She couldn't remember.
When they reached the house, Buffy motioned for Spike to be quiet and follow her. They walked around to the basement windows and peeked in. All three guys were there- but what were they supposed to do? If they had only done something illegal, they could get locked up.
That's when she noticed what they were doing; they were having money fights. With great wads of money. Where did they get it all? They didn't have jobs or anything.
Then she remembered. The day at the bank! When all the money was stolen! The Scoobies hadn't connected the nerds with that one. But it was just the break they needed. Buffy walked back out to the street; Spike followed her. He was looking a little confused; Buffy couldn't blame him.
"What the hell are we supposed to do about them? We can't kill 'em, or even rough 'em up. So- what's the plan?"
"The plan is to call the police and tell them we found the bank robbers. Then they get locked up and that's the end of it!"
Spike just looked at her. "Bit un-Slayer way to fight, isn't it?"
"Who the hell cares, as long as they're gone?"
With that, they walked into town to the nearest phone booth, where Buffy quickly dialed 9-1-1.
"Hi, um- you know, a couple of weeks ago, when the bank was robbed? Well, I found the robbers.Yeah, I'm okay.They didn't see me."
Buffy rattled off the address and hung up. She and Spike sauntered back to the house and watched the action from across the street. In about ten minutes, squad cars started driving up, squealing and flashing. They rushed down to the basement, then rushed back up with the three guys in tow, handcuffed. They looked ready to piss themselves; Buffy took a kind of odd satisfaction in that.
Well, that was it. The guys who had killed her- sort of, anyway. Were locked up. Before they actually did anything to her.
God. How anticlimactic.
