Rogue slouched low in her
seat, impatiently flipping through an old issue of Rolling Stone
in her search for the Guns N' Roses sighting article that Kitty had sworn
she'd seen in there. Meanwhile, Kitty herself was sitting in front of the
widescreen television with Jean, the channel turned to a local music video
station which was running some lousy teenybopper crapfest called Pop!
Goes The Music Video. The two girls were barely paying any attention
to the TV itself, as Jean was busy lamenting her mounting relationship
woes with Scott to a sympathetic Kitty.
"He just keeps on breaking
dates left and right," Jean sighed morosely, absently tucking a stray lock
of brilliant red hair behind her left ear. "I mean, I know he must be working
very hard to support the Institute now that the adults are gone, and I
really do support and sympathize with him--the poor guy must be exhausted
after whatever important job he's claimed he's acquired, so I can understand
a few broken dates. But for him to make plans after school and then suddenly
cancel them without giving an excuse as to why...And then there's the curious
fact as to when I offered to come visit him sometime at this secretive
and important job of his, and he just turned white and started blabbing
and absolutely refused, claiming I should never ask him about his business
like he's some weird wannabe Mafia kingpin!" Kitty giggled at the mob crack,
before clucking her tongue sympathetically and murmuring, "Yeah, I totally
know how you feel. Lance mentioned a couple of weeks ago that they're broke
too, ever since Mystique ditched them to search for funding, and I haven't
seen him since, ever since he and Pietro somehow managed to find their
own jobs!" Jean sat up straighter, absently reaching over to turn down
the volume on an Alison Blair music video that Pop! was currently
playing as she arched a scarlet brow.
"No way, you're kidding
me--somebody actually hired those two guys?" she breathed in astonishment.
Rubbing her blue-green eyes tiredly, she then proceeded to add upon Kitty's
shrug as she picked up a Classifieds, "Great, even the Brotherhood's
outshone us! Now we've really got to get jobs--Scott's the only
one working, although where God forbid I ever find out, and Kurt and Evan
were kicked out of their only job interview when Blue Boy had to go hit
on a gorgeous blonde who just happened to be a guy!" Kitty shrugged helplessly,
muttering, "So you really don't know what Scott's doing? Jeez, this is
turning into a bad episode of The Sopranos or something!" Jean shrugged
helplessly, joining Rogue in flipping aimlessly through the pages, before
adding, "What can I do about it? He absolutely refuses to tell me where
he works at--it's all very hush hush, and all I can get out of him is that
his job is supposedly highly important and very secretive. Needless to
say, I'm not exactly all that convinced, if you know what I mean." Kitty
giggled, as she half-teased, "So now what--are you going to, like, disguise
yourself and stalk him?" Jean lifted an eyebrow at the perky freshman,
frowning as she scolded mildly, "Kitty, you know it's not right to follow
people around like that!" Clearing her throat and shifting her weight,
she went on to say, "Besides, despite all this evasiveness, I really like
Scott, and I trust him--that's what relationships are supposed to be built
around, after all, trust." Kitty shrugged, nodding along and inwardly admitting
to herself that the graceful junior had a point...but just then, Jean's
vivid blue-green eyes darkened, as she added unexpectedly and in a low
growl, "But just in case the lousy sneak really is cheating on me
with some tanned blonde airhead, I've cashed in his first paycheck to pay
Tabitha to follow him around at this Sopranos job of his!"
At that moment, the elegant
glass doors to the Xavier Mansion were slammed wide open, and Tabitha burst
triumphantly into the palatial house, dragging a very sheepish-looking
Scott by the ear as she strutted inside like some mighty conquistador.
"Oh, Jeannie...guess who
I found loitering around the Bayville Mall Food Court singing a ditty about
the wonders of Chubby's Cheeseburger Castle!" the blonde bombshell sang
out, as not only Jean but also Kitty and Rogue all turned around in unison
upon hearing her words. Rogue's magazine promptly fell out of her lap,
as Jean's mouth dropped open in a mixed combination of shocked amazement
and dismay, and Kitty stopped squealing over some boy band on Pop! Goes
The Music Video to gawk in bewilderment at their mighty, fearless,
proud leader.
"Oh, my God! Scott?!" Jean
breathed, at the same time that Rogue burst out, a tinge of something that
sounded suspiciously like amusement in her voice, "You're a frigging quarterpounder,
Summers!" Scott Summers, the mighty leader of the X-Men team, was decked
out in the Xavier living room in all his cheeseburger glory, wearing a
hamburger costume complete with mustard and pickles over a pair of burgundy
tights and ridiculous felt shoes with little bells attached to their pointy
soles. He promptly began to blush like a fire engine, as Jean questioned,
"This is what you've been doing all along?! Scott, why did you feel
like you had to keep it a secret that you worked at the mall? There's absolutely
no shame in what you do." Rogue and Kitty both turned to the older girl
in amazement, immensely admiring looks on their faces at the fact that
Jean had managed to keep a perfectly straight face throughout her entire
little encouraging speech. Scott cleared his throat uncomfortably, before
mumbling, "Oh, please, like you weren't going to laugh at me! Look, I'm
working for five dollars and seventy-five cents an hour, I parade around
the Food Court in a freakin' cheeseburger costume and sing annoying little
jingles for a job, my co-worker is a scary wiener dog who keeps hitting
on me and whom I have no way of telling whether is actually a guy
or a girl, and there's some annoying reporter from the school newspaper
chasing me around trying to get a cover story on how it feels like to be
a star student and varsity soccer MVP and somehow still manage to slave
away over a French fry grill for minimum wage! I don't need any flak from
my own teammates!" Jean leaned back, a look of concern washing over her
features as she realized that Scott's face was turning a rather interesting
shade of purple, before reaching over and enveloping her more-or-less official
boyfriend in a soothing hug, murmuring in the way a mother talks to her
scared child, "There, there, now, Scott. Shh, it's okay, everything's going
to be just fine...Do you want a glass of warm milk and a chocolate chip
cookie? Maybe that will help you calm down." Rogue darted the duo of a
wary look, before mumbling, "Hn, wouldn't want to be a part of that
couple; I'm going back to that Rolling Stone to search for the GN'R
article that Kitty swears is in there." Kitty bounced after Rogue, calling
out, "Hey, wait for me! Pop! Goes The Music Video's supposed to
be playing the debut video from a new rock band!" Tabitha lit up, as she
chirped, "Ooh, I've heard of them! Ömega! Hey, I wanna see too; I've
heard their frontman's supposed to be really sexy in that moody, smoldering,
always pissed off kind of way!"
The three girls bounded in
front of the widescreen TV, while Jean tried to comfort Scott and convince
him that his life didn't suck too pathetically. Rogue picked up her
Rolling
Stone and grumpily resumed browsing for the Guns N' Roses article that
Kitty had sworn on Kurt's life was in there, as Tabitha chattered happily
with Kitty, mainly about how the Ömega boys were supposed to be really
into wearing tight leather and no shirts while performing. Just then, Pop!
Goes The Music Video finished running a video of some new hotshot Latin
lover named Chavo Aguilar, and cut to it male co-host, a dark-haired, green-eyed
wannabe Carson Daly in his early twenties named Reese Clayton, who spoke
up brightly, "All right, we've been keeping you in suspense long enough!
Here it is, fresh from, well, super producer Roxy Oyama, the debut video
by one of those rock & roll band thingies, a cover of Panama's song
"Ömega" from Van Halen." Just then, one of the technicians quickly
ran up to Reese and whispered something into his ears. Reese looked confused
for a second, as he hissed, "What do you mean I got it wrong?! I'm Reese
Clayotn, damn it, I can't get anything wrong--Oh. Okay, okay, fine, so
I'll correct it!" Turning back to the audience, he cleared his throat before
grumpily muttering, "I mean, the video's a cover of Ömega's song "Van
Halen", here being covered by that rock & roll band thingie, Panama!"
"Uck..." The technician
quickly ran back to Reese, and whispered something else into his ear. Reese's
green eyes flashed in annoyance, as he quickly shooed the poor technician
away, grumbling, "All right, all right! I'll get it this time, I swear!
Ahem! Anyways, here it is, the debut music video...that my lovely co-hostess
Marlena Veronica Christina Shania Patricia Cassandra Allana Susanna Cummings--but
feel free to call her Mary Sue for short--is gonna introduce!" And he made
an exaggerated gesture toward said co-hostess, a petite bottled blonde
in pastel pink who giggled happily before chirping, "Like, that's right,
like, Mary Sue here, and, like, you can bet I'm gonna, like, get this right,
because I'm, like, Mary Sue, darn it, and I'm, like, perfect and can do,
like, no wrong! Anywho, here's, like, "Panama", a tribute to the, like,
Van Halen song from, like, emerging heavy metal sensation Ömega!"
Meanwhile, Jean was leading
Scott to a couch, trying to convince him with waning success that burying
his face into the palms of his hands wasn't going to help make his job
with what Scott had deemed "that wiener dog he-she" any more enjoyable.
"Come on, Scott, we'll get
through this," Jean murmured comfortingly, trying to ignore Tabitha's happy
chattering about how the frontman really was hot as hell in that
always-pissed-off-so-don't-*bleep*-with-me kind of way. Scott stopped sulking
to glance up morosely, whining, "But you have no idea how scary and annoying
it is to have some crazed school newspaper reporter chick chasing after
you with a Polaroid camera while you're trying to dodge the advances of
a greasy-haired human hot dog whom you have no idea whether is actually
a man or a woman!" Jean patiently blew a strand of soft red hair away from
her face, as she tried once again to soothe the frazzled team leader, "Look
at it this way, Scott, as soon as the rest of the household can find employers
crazy enough to hire them--um, I mean, can find jobs--you will probably
be able to scale back the amount of time you have to spend dressed as a,
well, chubby cheeseburger, and--"
"Oh, my God! OhmyGoddohmyGodohmyGod!
That's Lance! That's Lance! That's my boyfriend and his annoying
stuck-up roommate who're schmoozing with the groupies in the front row!"
The high-pitched, shrill screech snapped Scott and Jean's attention from
Scott's career woes to the dismayed and utterly furious Kitty, who was
being desperately held back by Rogue and Tabitha as the two older girls
tried to stop her from hurling the remote control into the TV screen depicting
a grinning Lance, wearing his guitar too low as he pranced amidst a throng
of top-heavy groupies crammed into strategically ripped tank tops.
"Kitty, calm down, it's
just a music video, he's not really trying to score with all those groupies!"
Tabitha shrieked desperately, just as Kitty suddenly remembered something.
"Wait a minute! I'm the
Shadowcat! I can phase through stuff! Ugh, can't believe I ditzed out like
that." And Kitty promptly phased right through Tabitha and Rogue and took
aim with the remote control. Rogue's face contorted into an expression
that was a mixture of dismay, irritation, and mild amusement, as she turned
helplessly to the only one in the room who could possibly stop Kitty from
unleashing her appetite for destruction on the poor, defenseless television
set.
"Jean! Do something!" she
wailed frantically, just as Kitty was about to throw the remote control
right through the widescreen TV monitor.
"Don't worry, I'm on it,"
Jean sighed, shifting her attention from the sulking Scott to the furious
Kitty and using her telekinesis to gently take the remote control away
from the furious freshman.
Fortunately for the three
(slightly) saner X-Men and their television set, the "Panama" music video
with Lance and the rest of the band partying with groupies soon ended,
allowing Jean an opportunity to attempt and calm Kitty down. Meanwhile,
back on the set of Pop! Goes The Music Video, Reese was blabbing
something, trying to look serious and thoughtful as he fired off what was
obviously a hastily-rehearsed speech, "And now, from the partying pranks
of "Panama" into something more serious--my lovely and perfect co-hostess,
Mary Sue, is about to leave this show after a three-year stint." Bottled
blonde, blue-eyed Mary Sue cut into his speech, chirping, "That's, like,
totally right. You see, my agent's, like, offered me a position as the,
like, secret fifth member of the Fantastic Four, who just happens to be,
like, billionaire Bruce Wayne's long-lost daughter, and is also, like,
the new love interest of Spiderman, who's just, like, recently broken up
with his girlfriend Mary Jane Watson, who, like, conveniently turned into,
like, an uber-bitch for no reason at all! And, like, I just couldn't possibly
refuse that role!" Reese nodded along soberly, before speaking up, "That's
right, we'll miss you soooo much, Mary Sue. But, on the bright side,
it is an exciting opportunity for our loyal female viewers to audition
for the position of the co-hostess on Pop! Goes The Music Video!
You get to hang out with all sorts of cool pop stars who constantly drop
by the show, you instantly acquire an army of shallow, mindlessly screaming
teenyboppers...and of course, the biggest bonus of it all, you get to hang
out with me--Reese Clayton!"
"That's right, like, Reesey,"
Mary Sue cooed, ogling her co-host with starry baby-blue eyes. "I'll, like,
miss you soooo soooo much, too! And, like, a word out
to, like, my future replacement: have, like, a ton of fun on this show!
Like Reesey mentioned, you get to, like, hang out with only the cutest
guy in the whole, like, planet--well, except for, like, that cutie pie
baby face Jake Brents from, like, the bestest boy band in the whole wide
world, BOYZ, and, like, like, like..." And then she added offhandedly and
in a rather nonchalant voice, the one sentence that instantly caught the
X-Men's wandering attentions, "Besides, the pay's, like not too bad either!"
"You tell it like it is,
Mary Sue," Reese chirped, grinning stupidly into the camera. "And now we'll
explain all the details for the audition of the newest co-hostess of Pop!
Goes The Music Video...but not before playing that brand new Candy
Angel music video you've all been waiting for! Yay!"
A glint had appeared in Scott's
shades as soon as mention of a well-paying job was chirped out in an insanely
bubbly voice, as he turned to the four girls in the living room and spoke
up, "You know, if one of you lands the hosting job, I won't have to complain
so much anymore about how sucky my job is!"
"Oh, like, I would be perfect
for the job!" Kitty exclaimed proudly, straightening out her soft pink
sweater as she spoke. Jean was nodding, murmuring thoughtfully, "She's
got a point there, Scott, out of all four of us girls, Kitty is
the best choice..." Her eyes narrowed, however, as a thought occurred to
her.
"Except that Pop! Goes
The Music Video will probably be putting the "Panama" video with Lance
and the girls in heavy rotation, if you catch my drift," the statuesque
redhead finished meaningfully. While Kitty tried her best to look innocent
and pretend her earlier outburst had never happened, the other four X-Men
had no trouble conjuring up a mental image of Kitty going berserk and pulling
a Wolverine on her hapless unsuspecting co-host and the innocent little
teenyboppers after one too many viewings of a music video depicting her
boyfriend partying with scantily-clad groupies.
"Eh heh..." Scott's voice
trailed off, before he turned adoring eyes on Jean and began to plead,
"Jean, the most wonderful, caring girlfriend a guy could ever have..."
Jean backed away from him warily, desperately wracking her brain for some
excuse, any excuse to worm out of hosting a show where she would be surrounded
by mindlessly screaming teenyboppers screeching their lungs out at every
move she made.
"Uh, you see, the funniest
thing, I can't really audition for the hosting job...because...because,
um...Kitty and I already have jobs!" she finally finished lamely. Scott
leaned back, startled, before questioning in unison with Kitty's own confused
mumble, "You do?" Jean was blushing as red as a fire engine, as she stammered
out guiltily, "Of course. Remember what I told you guys the other night
during dinner? Kitty and I had already auditioned for roles in the musical
that the local theater's going to be staging for the next six weeks." Kitty's
eyes lit up as she remembered.
"Oh, yeah!" A puzzled expression
appeared on her features, as she wondered out loud, "But I never expected
to actually land any roles."
"Well, the letters just
arrived today, confirming that we'd been selected for very important roles,
where they would be needing us every day after school for rehearsals,"
Jean muttered quickly, making a mental note to convince the casting director
to accept herself and Kitty--at any cost. Scott, meanwhile, had turned
despairingly to a certain blonde bombshell.
"Tabitha...?" His voice
trailed off pleadingly, as said blonde bombshell quickly backed away.
"Hey, not that I have anything
against hosting a teenybopper crapfest or wanting to help you out, Scooter-boy,"
Tabitha began nervously. "But think about it--you guys don't have to live
with the brainless boys. If I ever get caught dressed in pastel pinks and
sucking up to Alison Blair and that boy band BOYZ, there is no freakin'
way they'll ever let me forget it!"
"Ah hah! Finally, after having
to read through that stupid interview with that Italian slut Asia Argentina
What'sHerName, it's about damn time the Guns N' Roses article surfaced!"
Rogue's triumphant cry switched all the attention onto her, as Scott, Jean,
Kitty, and Tabitha all turned to look at the gothic beauty. Rogue's olive-green
eyes narrowed suspiciously, as she growled irritably, "What are you all
looking at?" Scott, Jean and Kitty quickly backed away, but Tabitha was
not to be bothered with manners, as she stalked up directly to the green-clad
X-girl and chirped sunnily, "Hey, you'll be perfect for the job!" Rogue's
eyes widened in dismay, as she sputtered in protest, "But you...but I...but
Kitty...but I don't know a thing about teenyboppers! Why the hell should
I do this?!"
"Well, do you currently
have a job?" Tabitha grilled in that maddening voice of hers. Rogue scowled,
throwing down her glossy magazine and drawing herself to her full height
as though to present a challenge.
"No, I don't!" she gritted
out through clenched teeth. "Got a problem with that?" Tabitha backed off--but
only slightly--as she sang out, "Hey, don't blow a casket; it's just that
since Scott, Jean, and Kitty all supposedly have jobs, that kind of leaves
you as the only one who's sitting around on her hands with nothing to do.
It's about time you started pulling your own weight around here, hon."
"Oh, please!" Rogue exploded.
"Singing stupid jingles while dressed like a human cheeseburger is far
from being an official job! Why doesn't Scott apply for the hosting position,
especially since he hates his current job so much?!"
"Well...for one thing, I
really don't think I have the cleavage for the pastel pink Alison Blair
tank top that the station makes their female co-hostess wear," Scott spoke
up dryly. Rogue sighed, alternating from glaring at her supposed loyal
friends to glaring at the television screen, where Pop! was currently
playing a video by some interracial rap duo named after an ice cream flavor.
Finally, she threw up her hands in defeat, unwittingly sending her magazine
flying through the air and chucking it at Tabitha's smugly smirking face.
"All right, all right! So
I'll apply for the stupid hosting position!" she finally sulked. Her dark
green eyes flashed, as she added, "But I can assure you one thing right
now: I hardly think I'll get the job."
"Don't worry," Tabitha mumbled,
gingerly rubbing the red-purple bruise that Rogue's magazine had caused
when it hit her squarely on the forehead the way bird droppings always
happen to land on someone's nice new shirt. "With the help of none other
than Tabitha Smith, that job is practically yours!"
*Well, here it is, the long-awaited (don't I wish!) and long-delayed (eh heh, oops) first chapter of Rogue's part. I know it's not much, and I'm afraid that updates from now on are going to be farther in between; I'm sorry, I guess I'd forgotten just how much teachers love to torture their students (case in point: I was bombarded with four tests throughout the course of one friggin' week, and it's not even October yet!). I'll do my best to work as fast as possible in completing Chapter Two in TRHell, which will probably concentrate on the actual audition itself, as well as introducing the first original character, Rogue's co-host Reese Clayton. Look for it before the next week is over, while I may not be able to update as often as I could during Lance and Pietro's section, I can at least guarantee a minimum of one chapter per week. I think so, anyway...x_x
