Part II: TRHell


Rogue slouched low in her seat, impatiently flipping through an old issue of Rolling Stone in her search for the Guns N' Roses sighting article that Kitty had sworn she'd seen in there. Meanwhile, Kitty herself was sitting in front of the widescreen television with Jean, the channel turned to a local music video station which was running some lousy teenybopper crapfest called Pop! Goes The Music Video. The two girls were barely paying any attention to the TV itself, as Jean was busy lamenting her mounting relationship woes with Scott to a sympathetic Kitty.
"He just keeps on breaking dates left and right," Jean sighed morosely, absently tucking a stray lock of brilliant red hair behind her left ear. "I mean, I know he must be working very hard to support the Institute now that the adults are gone, and I really do support and sympathize with him--the poor guy must be exhausted after whatever important job he's claimed he's acquired, so I can understand a few broken dates. But for him to make plans after school and then suddenly cancel them without giving an excuse as to why...And then there's the curious fact as to when I offered to come visit him sometime at this secretive and important job of his, and he just turned white and started blabbing and absolutely refused, claiming I should never ask him about his business like he's some weird wannabe Mafia kingpin!" Kitty giggled at the mob crack, before clucking her tongue sympathetically and murmuring, "Yeah, I totally know how you feel. Lance mentioned a couple of weeks ago that they're broke too, ever since Mystique ditched them to search for funding, and I haven't seen him since, ever since he and Pietro somehow managed to find their own jobs!" Jean sat up straighter, absently reaching over to turn down the volume on an Alison Blair music video that Pop! was currently playing as she arched a scarlet brow.
"No way, you're kidding me--somebody actually hired those two guys?" she breathed in astonishment. Rubbing her blue-green eyes tiredly, she then proceeded to add upon Kitty's shrug as she picked up a Classifieds, "Great, even the Brotherhood's outshone us! Now we've really got to get jobs--Scott's the only one working, although where God forbid I ever find out, and Kurt and Evan were kicked out of their only job interview when Blue Boy had to go hit on a gorgeous blonde who just happened to be a guy!" Kitty shrugged helplessly, muttering, "So you really don't know what Scott's doing? Jeez, this is turning into a bad episode of The Sopranos or something!" Jean shrugged helplessly, joining Rogue in flipping aimlessly through the pages, before adding, "What can I do about it? He absolutely refuses to tell me where he works at--it's all very hush hush, and all I can get out of him is that his job is supposedly highly important and very secretive. Needless to say, I'm not exactly all that convinced, if you know what I mean." Kitty giggled, as she half-teased, "So now what--are you going to, like, disguise yourself and stalk him?" Jean lifted an eyebrow at the perky freshman, frowning as she scolded mildly, "Kitty, you know it's not right to follow people around like that!" Clearing her throat and shifting her weight, she went on to say, "Besides, despite all this evasiveness, I really like Scott, and I trust him--that's what relationships are supposed to be built around, after all, trust." Kitty shrugged, nodding along and inwardly admitting to herself that the graceful junior had a point...but just then, Jean's vivid blue-green eyes darkened, as she added unexpectedly and in a low growl, "But just in case the lousy sneak really is cheating on me with some tanned blonde airhead, I've cashed in his first paycheck to pay Tabitha to follow him around at this Sopranos job of his!"

At that moment, the elegant glass doors to the Xavier Mansion were slammed wide open, and Tabitha burst triumphantly into the palatial house, dragging a very sheepish-looking Scott by the ear as she strutted inside like some mighty conquistador.
"Oh, Jeannie...guess who I found loitering around the Bayville Mall Food Court singing a ditty about the wonders of Chubby's Cheeseburger Castle!" the blonde bombshell sang out, as not only Jean but also Kitty and Rogue all turned around in unison upon hearing her words. Rogue's magazine promptly fell out of her lap, as Jean's mouth dropped open in a mixed combination of shocked amazement and dismay, and Kitty stopped squealing over some boy band on Pop! Goes The Music Video to gawk in bewilderment at their mighty, fearless, proud leader.
"Oh, my God! Scott?!" Jean breathed, at the same time that Rogue burst out, a tinge of something that sounded suspiciously like amusement in her voice, "You're a frigging quarterpounder, Summers!" Scott Summers, the mighty leader of the X-Men team, was decked out in the Xavier living room in all his cheeseburger glory, wearing a hamburger costume complete with mustard and pickles over a pair of burgundy tights and ridiculous felt shoes with little bells attached to their pointy soles. He promptly began to blush like a fire engine, as Jean questioned, "This is what you've been doing all along?! Scott, why did you feel like you had to keep it a secret that you worked at the mall? There's absolutely no shame in what you do." Rogue and Kitty both turned to the older girl in amazement, immensely admiring looks on their faces at the fact that Jean had managed to keep a perfectly straight face throughout her entire little encouraging speech. Scott cleared his throat uncomfortably, before mumbling, "Oh, please, like you weren't going to laugh at me! Look, I'm working for five dollars and seventy-five cents an hour, I parade around the Food Court in a freakin' cheeseburger costume and sing annoying little jingles for a job, my co-worker is a scary wiener dog who keeps hitting on me and whom I have no way of telling whether is actually a guy or a girl, and there's some annoying reporter from the school newspaper chasing me around trying to get a cover story on how it feels like to be a star student and varsity soccer MVP and somehow still manage to slave away over a French fry grill for minimum wage! I don't need any flak from my own teammates!" Jean leaned back, a look of concern washing over her features as she realized that Scott's face was turning a rather interesting shade of purple, before reaching over and enveloping her more-or-less official boyfriend in a soothing hug, murmuring in the way a mother talks to her scared child, "There, there, now, Scott. Shh, it's okay, everything's going to be just fine...Do you want a glass of warm milk and a chocolate chip cookie? Maybe that will help you calm down." Rogue darted the duo of a wary look, before mumbling, "Hn, wouldn't want to be a part of that couple; I'm going back to that Rolling Stone to search for the GN'R article that Kitty swears is in there." Kitty bounced after Rogue, calling out, "Hey, wait for me! Pop! Goes The Music Video's supposed to be playing the debut video from a new rock band!" Tabitha lit up, as she chirped, "Ooh, I've heard of them! Ömega! Hey, I wanna see too; I've heard their frontman's supposed to be really sexy in that moody, smoldering, always pissed off kind of way!"

The three girls bounded in front of the widescreen TV, while Jean tried to comfort Scott and convince him that his life didn't suck too pathetically. Rogue picked up her Rolling Stone and grumpily resumed browsing for the Guns N' Roses article that Kitty had sworn on Kurt's life was in there, as Tabitha chattered happily with Kitty, mainly about how the Ömega boys were supposed to be really into wearing tight leather and no shirts while performing. Just then, Pop! Goes The Music Video finished running a video of some new hotshot Latin lover named Chavo Aguilar, and cut to it male co-host, a dark-haired, green-eyed wannabe Carson Daly in his early twenties named Reese Clayton, who spoke up brightly, "All right, we've been keeping you in suspense long enough! Here it is, fresh from, well, super producer Roxy Oyama, the debut video by one of those rock & roll band thingies, a cover of Panama's song "Ömega" from Van Halen." Just then, one of the technicians quickly ran up to Reese and whispered something into his ears. Reese looked confused for a second, as he hissed, "What do you mean I got it wrong?! I'm Reese Clayotn, damn it, I can't get anything wrong--Oh. Okay, okay, fine, so I'll correct it!" Turning back to the audience, he cleared his throat before grumpily muttering, "I mean, the video's a cover of Ömega's song "Van Halen", here being covered by that rock & roll band thingie, Panama!"
"Uck..." The technician quickly ran back to Reese, and whispered something else into his ear. Reese's green eyes flashed in annoyance, as he quickly shooed the poor technician away, grumbling, "All right, all right! I'll get it this time, I swear! Ahem! Anyways, here it is, the debut music video...that my lovely co-hostess Marlena Veronica Christina Shania Patricia Cassandra Allana Susanna Cummings--but feel free to call her Mary Sue for short--is gonna introduce!" And he made an exaggerated gesture toward said co-hostess, a petite bottled blonde in pastel pink who giggled happily before chirping, "Like, that's right, like, Mary Sue here, and, like, you can bet I'm gonna, like, get this right, because I'm, like, Mary Sue, darn it, and I'm, like, perfect and can do, like, no wrong! Anywho, here's, like, "Panama", a tribute to the, like, Van Halen song from, like, emerging heavy metal sensation Ömega!"

Meanwhile, Jean was leading Scott to a couch, trying to convince him with waning success that burying his face into the palms of his hands wasn't going to help make his job with what Scott had deemed "that wiener dog he-she" any more enjoyable.
"Come on, Scott, we'll get through this," Jean murmured comfortingly, trying to ignore Tabitha's happy chattering about how the frontman really was hot as hell in that always-pissed-off-so-don't-*bleep*-with-me kind of way. Scott stopped sulking to glance up morosely, whining, "But you have no idea how scary and annoying it is to have some crazed school newspaper reporter chick chasing after you with a Polaroid camera while you're trying to dodge the advances of a greasy-haired human hot dog whom you have no idea whether is actually a man or a woman!" Jean patiently blew a strand of soft red hair away from her face, as she tried once again to soothe the frazzled team leader, "Look at it this way, Scott, as soon as the rest of the household can find employers crazy enough to hire them--um, I mean, can find jobs--you will probably be able to scale back the amount of time you have to spend dressed as a, well, chubby cheeseburger, and--"

"Oh, my God! OhmyGoddohmyGodohmyGod! That's Lance! That's Lance! That's my boyfriend and his annoying stuck-up roommate who're schmoozing with the groupies in the front row!" The high-pitched, shrill screech snapped Scott and Jean's attention from Scott's career woes to the dismayed and utterly furious Kitty, who was being desperately held back by Rogue and Tabitha as the two older girls tried to stop her from hurling the remote control into the TV screen depicting a grinning Lance, wearing his guitar too low as he pranced amidst a throng of top-heavy groupies crammed into strategically ripped tank tops.
"Kitty, calm down, it's just a music video, he's not really trying to score with all those groupies!" Tabitha shrieked desperately, just as Kitty suddenly remembered something.
"Wait a minute! I'm the Shadowcat! I can phase through stuff! Ugh, can't believe I ditzed out like that." And Kitty promptly phased right through Tabitha and Rogue and took aim with the remote control. Rogue's face contorted into an expression that was a mixture of dismay, irritation, and mild amusement, as she turned helplessly to the only one in the room who could possibly stop Kitty from unleashing her appetite for destruction on the poor, defenseless television set.
"Jean! Do something!" she wailed frantically, just as Kitty was about to throw the remote control right through the widescreen TV monitor.
"Don't worry, I'm on it," Jean sighed, shifting her attention from the sulking Scott to the furious Kitty and using her telekinesis to gently take the remote control away from the furious freshman.

Fortunately for the three (slightly) saner X-Men and their television set, the "Panama" music video with Lance and the rest of the band partying with groupies soon ended, allowing Jean an opportunity to attempt and calm Kitty down. Meanwhile, back on the set of Pop! Goes The Music Video, Reese was blabbing something, trying to look serious and thoughtful as he fired off what was obviously a hastily-rehearsed speech, "And now, from the partying pranks of "Panama" into something more serious--my lovely and perfect co-hostess, Mary Sue, is about to leave this show after a three-year stint." Bottled blonde, blue-eyed Mary Sue cut into his speech, chirping, "That's, like, totally right. You see, my agent's, like, offered me a position as the, like, secret fifth member of the Fantastic Four, who just happens to be, like, billionaire Bruce Wayne's long-lost daughter, and is also, like, the new love interest of Spiderman, who's just, like, recently broken up with his girlfriend Mary Jane Watson, who, like, conveniently turned into, like, an uber-bitch for no reason at all! And, like, I just couldn't possibly refuse that role!" Reese nodded along soberly, before speaking up, "That's right, we'll miss you soooo much, Mary Sue. But, on the bright side, it is an exciting opportunity for our loyal female viewers to audition for the position of the co-hostess on Pop! Goes The Music Video! You get to hang out with all sorts of cool pop stars who constantly drop by the show, you instantly acquire an army of shallow, mindlessly screaming teenyboppers...and of course, the biggest bonus of it all, you get to hang out with me--Reese Clayton!"
"That's right, like, Reesey," Mary Sue cooed, ogling her co-host with starry baby-blue eyes. "I'll, like, miss you soooo soooo much, too! And, like, a word out to, like, my future replacement: have, like, a ton of fun on this show! Like Reesey mentioned, you get to, like, hang out with only the cutest guy in the whole, like, planet--well, except for, like, that cutie pie baby face Jake Brents from, like, the bestest boy band in the whole wide world, BOYZ, and, like, like, like..." And then she added offhandedly and in a rather nonchalant voice, the one sentence that instantly caught the X-Men's wandering attentions, "Besides, the pay's, like not too bad either!"
"You tell it like it is, Mary Sue," Reese chirped, grinning stupidly into the camera. "And now we'll explain all the details for the audition of the newest co-hostess of Pop! Goes The Music Video...but not before playing that brand new Candy Angel music video you've all been waiting for! Yay!"

A glint had appeared in Scott's shades as soon as mention of a well-paying job was chirped out in an insanely bubbly voice, as he turned to the four girls in the living room and spoke up, "You know, if one of you lands the hosting job, I won't have to complain so much anymore about how sucky my job is!"
"Oh, like, I would be perfect for the job!" Kitty exclaimed proudly, straightening out her soft pink sweater as she spoke. Jean was nodding, murmuring thoughtfully, "She's got a point there, Scott, out of all four of us girls, Kitty is the best choice..." Her eyes narrowed, however, as a thought occurred to her.
"Except that Pop! Goes The Music Video will probably be putting the "Panama" video with Lance and the girls in heavy rotation, if you catch my drift," the statuesque redhead finished meaningfully. While Kitty tried her best to look innocent and pretend her earlier outburst had never happened, the other four X-Men had no trouble conjuring up a mental image of Kitty going berserk and pulling a Wolverine on her hapless unsuspecting co-host and the innocent little teenyboppers after one too many viewings of a music video depicting her boyfriend partying with scantily-clad groupies.
"Eh heh..." Scott's voice trailed off, before he turned adoring eyes on Jean and began to plead, "Jean, the most wonderful, caring girlfriend a guy could ever have..." Jean backed away from him warily, desperately wracking her brain for some excuse, any excuse to worm out of hosting a show where she would be surrounded by mindlessly screaming teenyboppers screeching their lungs out at every move she made.
"Uh, you see, the funniest thing, I can't really audition for the hosting job...because...because, um...Kitty and I already have jobs!" she finally finished lamely. Scott leaned back, startled, before questioning in unison with Kitty's own confused mumble, "You do?" Jean was blushing as red as a fire engine, as she stammered out guiltily, "Of course. Remember what I told you guys the other night during dinner? Kitty and I had already auditioned for roles in the musical that the local theater's going to be staging for the next six weeks." Kitty's eyes lit up as she remembered.
"Oh, yeah!" A puzzled expression appeared on her features, as she wondered out loud, "But I never expected to actually land any roles."
"Well, the letters just arrived today, confirming that we'd been selected for very important roles, where they would be needing us every day after school for rehearsals," Jean muttered quickly, making a mental note to convince the casting director to accept herself and Kitty--at any cost. Scott, meanwhile, had turned despairingly to a certain blonde bombshell.
"Tabitha...?" His voice trailed off pleadingly, as said blonde bombshell quickly backed away.
"Hey, not that I have anything against hosting a teenybopper crapfest or wanting to help you out, Scooter-boy," Tabitha began nervously. "But think about it--you guys don't have to live with the brainless boys. If I ever get caught dressed in pastel pinks and sucking up to Alison Blair and that boy band BOYZ, there is no freakin' way they'll ever let me forget it!"

"Ah hah! Finally, after having to read through that stupid interview with that Italian slut Asia Argentina What'sHerName, it's about damn time the Guns N' Roses article surfaced!" Rogue's triumphant cry switched all the attention onto her, as Scott, Jean, Kitty, and Tabitha all turned to look at the gothic beauty. Rogue's olive-green eyes narrowed suspiciously, as she growled irritably, "What are you all looking at?" Scott, Jean and Kitty quickly backed away, but Tabitha was not to be bothered with manners, as she stalked up directly to the green-clad X-girl and chirped sunnily, "Hey, you'll be perfect for the job!" Rogue's eyes widened in dismay, as she sputtered in protest, "But you...but I...but Kitty...but I don't know a thing about teenyboppers! Why the hell should I do this?!"
"Well, do you currently have a job?" Tabitha grilled in that maddening voice of hers. Rogue scowled, throwing down her glossy magazine and drawing herself to her full height as though to present a challenge.
"No, I don't!" she gritted out through clenched teeth. "Got a problem with that?" Tabitha backed off--but only slightly--as she sang out, "Hey, don't blow a casket; it's just that since Scott, Jean, and Kitty all supposedly have jobs, that kind of leaves you as the only one who's sitting around on her hands with nothing to do. It's about time you started pulling your own weight around here, hon."
"Oh, please!" Rogue exploded. "Singing stupid jingles while dressed like a human cheeseburger is far from being an official job! Why doesn't Scott apply for the hosting position, especially since he hates his current job so much?!"
"Well...for one thing, I really don't think I have the cleavage for the pastel pink Alison Blair tank top that the station makes their female co-hostess wear," Scott spoke up dryly. Rogue sighed, alternating from glaring at her supposed loyal friends to glaring at the television screen, where Pop! was currently playing a video by some interracial rap duo named after an ice cream flavor. Finally, she threw up her hands in defeat, unwittingly sending her magazine flying through the air and chucking it at Tabitha's smugly smirking face.
"All right, all right! So I'll apply for the stupid hosting position!" she finally sulked. Her dark green eyes flashed, as she added, "But I can assure you one thing right now: I hardly think I'll get the job."
"Don't worry," Tabitha mumbled, gingerly rubbing the red-purple bruise that Rogue's magazine had caused when it hit her squarely on the forehead the way bird droppings always happen to land on someone's nice new shirt. "With the help of none other than Tabitha Smith, that job is practically yours!"


*Well, here it is, the long-awaited (don't I wish!) and long-delayed (eh heh, oops) first chapter of Rogue's part. I know it's not much, and I'm afraid that updates from now on are going to be farther in between; I'm sorry, I guess I'd forgotten just how much teachers love to torture their students (case in point: I was bombarded with four tests throughout the course of one friggin' week, and it's not even October yet!). I'll do my best to work as fast as possible in completing Chapter Two in TRHell, which will probably concentrate on the actual audition itself, as well as introducing the first original character, Rogue's co-host Reese Clayton. Look for it before the next week is over, while I may not be able to update as often as I could during Lance and Pietro's section, I can at least guarantee a minimum of one chapter per week. I think so, anyway...x_x