Now, I know what you are all thinking. Why is this update so late?! I'll tell you. I recently went on vacation from school, and figured I would have some free time. WRONG. First it was bleaching and dying hair with friends on Saturday (although I do love my new blonde streaks), chores all Sunday, party at my house on Monday, party at another friend's house Tuesday. Wednesday I couldn't go over to my friends house, but instead I was kicked off the computer due to homework. Thursday I went over to my best friend's house for a water fight (lots of fun) and slept over. I got home at 12:30 today. I was lucky I finished this chapter by today! Now, after I post this chapter, it's chores, over to a friends house for another party, then Saturday and Sunday is finishing homework. Ain't my schedule grand? So, I apologize for the lateness of this chapter. I'll make it up to you guys somehow in the future (suggestions might be nice, nothing too big though). Okay, on to business.

I want to thank EVERYONE who reviewed! You guys are the best! Honestly, I didn't think my stories would get so many reviews so quickly, I love you guys! Please, keep reviewing and I'll write more! THANK YOU SO MUCH! *hugs*

Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for the plot. Although, if I did own it, you can bet Pansy would be dead and Harry and Draco would be having a lot more fun in broom closets *hentai grin*. But yeah, I don't own anything.

I don't know how long these chapters are going to be, it depends on A) the events of the chapter, and B) how big a creative mood I'm in. To tell the truth, I'm sorta winging it, but never fear! I have the plot mapped out.

"blah" is speaking ::blah:: is thoughts

Warning: This chapter contains CUTTING (that's right, self mutilation), a very emotional Draco and Hermione, a screwed up Harry, and slight *N SYNC bashing. Is a bit more serious than the other chapters, beware.

~*

Chapter 4

Draco sat in an armchair in front of the fire of the Slytherin commonroom. He had a book in his lap, and he was staring at the pages. He could not read, however. His mind was focused on his meeting in the Astronomy Tower. He was so nervous. How would Hermione act? Would she believe him? Would she turn and walk away at the mere sight of him? He began to panic.

::Draco, snap out of it! You knew you were taking a big risk, but you did it anyway! So suck it up and deal with whatever happens. Besides:: Draco thought to himself, ::if she doesn't listen, at least you know you tried. Then, you'll just have to try and help Harry in another way. There isn't anyway you can ignore him after what you saw this morning::

Draco sighed and thought about what he was going to actually say to Hermione. It wasn't going to be easy, that much was clear. But he'd try, damn it. He'd try as hard as he possibly could. Hopefully, Hermione would walk away from the meeting a little more cautious about her best friend than before. Draco became so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he didn't notice Pansy come and sit next to him. Her shrill voice made Draco jump.

"Drakie-poo! There you are! I've been looking all over the place for you. What are you doing?" her voice was sugary-sweet. Draco nearly gagged, but kept his eyes on the pages.

"I'm reading," was his reply.

"Is it a good book?" she asked. She slowly moved closer to Draco; now nearly pushed up against him.

"I think so," he said dully, still not looking up.

"Can I borrow it sometime then?" her voice was starting to give Draco a headache. He scowled and turned to look at her.

"Whatever, Pansy. Can you go away now? I'm trying to read peacefully and your banshee-like voice is really not helping," he said coldly.

Pansy blinked. Draco wondered if the girl was really that dense. It appeared that she was. That, or deaf...or very persistent.

"Oh, okay! I'll go now, and maybe later we'll spend some time together. I know of something that might interest you. See you, sweetie," she purred in his ear.

Pansy walked off, completely unfazed by what Draco had said. He looked at her retreating back with utter disgust. Something that might interest him? Draco shuddered. He knew exactly what she was talking about, and cringed at the very notion. Draco shook his head and looked at his watch, which read 11:07pm. Draco sighed, this was going to be a long night.

Hermione was in her dorm, pacing. Lavender and Parvati were downstairs, probably flirting with the 2 sixth year boys she had seen them sitting with at dinner. Hermione didn't mind that though, they were never much for conversation. Having Trelawny as your idle was not Hermione's cup of tea. Always talking about what they'd seen, never what was fact. Besides, she had other things on her mind. In just 40 minutes, she'd be off to meet this mysterious person in the Astronomy Tower.

But was this person a mystery? Hermione had a hunch she knew who the person was. She believed it was Draco Malfoy. She had worked with Malfoy a couple times in Potion, and had seen his handwriting a fair few times. She had, of course, memorized what it looked like. You never know when a thing like that could come in handy, she always said. And the handwriting looked so similar to his. But she could be wrong. She had no idea why Malfoy would want to talk to her. She knew he and Harry had called a truce, but she didn't expect him to seek her out for any reason besides taunting and duels. And somehow, she knew it wasn't either of these things. Even though it had been only a day, his personality around her and her friends had changed drastically. She caught him looking at Harry as he stormed out of the Great Hall that morning with a look of almost.concern, she would call it. That was the real kicker. Why would Draco Malfoy be *concerned* about Harry. Hermione pondered this for a while, but came up with nothing. She just didn't understand it.

Hermione stopped her pacing and glanced at her watch. It was a beautiful aqua color, a gift from Ron for her birthday that summer. She was shocked that it was now 11:40. Wow, time sure does fly when you're in deep thought. She sighed and figured she would go to the commonroom for the remaining 10 to 15 minutes she had. The guys would be heading up to the dorm soon. Or, Harry would, and Ron would sprint after him. Hermione knew Ron was becoming very concerned. He too was noticing that Harry was acting strangely. But, no time to think about that now. She grabbed her black cloak and headed down the steps and to the slowly emptying commonroom.

~Astronomy Tower, 12:05 am~

Draco looked out the window and then at his watch, extremely nervous. He had spent the last 50 minutes trying to come up with what to say, and nothing had come to him. At 11:50, he had left the commonroom, telling Pansy he was going for a walk and to bug off. Now, here he was. He didn't know what in the world had possessed him to write the letter, but he had done it and now was the point of no turning back. He heard the door creak open and he tensed. It was now or never.

"I figured it was you who sent me that letter," Hermione's voice drifted from the darkened doorway.

"Clever. I sort of figured you would," he commented, trying to keep his cool.

Hermione stepped into the moonlight and removed the hood of her cloak. Her face was torn with conflicting emotions. Confusion, annoyance, even some curiosity. Draco leapt down from his perch in the window and faced her, a surprisingly calm look on his face, considering he was almost dying of nervousness inside.

"Would you like to sit down?" he offered, gesturing to a chair.

"No thank you," was her stiff reply, "Why did you call me here?"

"I thought you knew. I wanted to talk to you," Draco said, ever so slightly amused.

"Cut the crap Malfoy, I don't have all night. I had to feed Ron a ridiculous lie and I don't want him to follow me. So stop bullshitting around and get to the point," Hermione said, agitated.

"Woah, down girl. There's no need to be pissy, I'm not here to hurt you or insult you. I wanted to talk to you about Harry," he said, sitting in a chair.

She looked at him, substantially surprised. Draco again gestured to the chair facing him. She weakly nodded and plopped down into the squishy seat. Draco folded his hands in his lap and looked at Hermione.

"Wh-what about Harry?" Hermione asked shakily.

"First off, being his friend, I know you've noticed his recent behavior. Don't you think it's been a little.different? Like he's changed some way, and it's not a good thing?" Draco asked.

"I have noticed. Ron too. He seems so different now. Very distracted and a little cold. Even to his friends," Hermione replied, eyeing Draco. She decided he was serious and told him the truth.

"Has he mentioned anything that happened to him over the summer? Anything at all?" Draco asked, a hint of pleading in his voice.

"No, he hasn't. He wasn't allowed to go to Ron's house over the summer, and he sent few letters. All of them seemed cheerful enough, except he never mentioned his uncle," Hermione said, a little scared at where the conversation was going.

"Oh gods, his uncle?" Draco said, shock written all over his features.

"Yes, his uncle. Malfoy, what are you trying to tell me?" Hermione asked, growing even more scared by the minute.

"Call me Draco," he said quietly.

"Excuse me?" Hermione said.

"I said, call me Draco. Considering the events that have happened, I would prefer if you used my first name, Hermione," Draco repeated.

"Okay.Draco," Hermione said uncertainly, "What's going on?"

Draco sighed and looked away for a second, as if trying to gather all his courage. He turned his gaze back to Hermione, his eyes shining.

"I saw something this morning. More disturbing than anything I have ever seen. And believe me, I've seen my share of disturbing things," Draco said.

"I don't doubt that," Hermione murmured, then said, "Continue. What exactly did you see?"

"It was about 5:45 this morning. I had gone out for a jog, but stopped when I heard a voice. It was Harry," he continued, his eyes shining with a new distress, "he.he."

"He what?" Hermione's voice was now showing the fear she was feeling.

"He had been running, I suppose. He was soaked with sweat. I saw bruises, so many bruises. All over the place. He was yelling, screaming at a wall," tears began to collect in his gray eyes.

"What was he saying?"

"He was talking about his uncle. He was saying.saying.oh gods it was terrible!" Draco choked.

Hermione looked at the boy before her. So different from what she had ever known. She pushed back her fear and looked at him.

"Please. Tell me what he said. It's okay, you can trust me," Hermione said gently.

Draco nodded and began to retell what he had seen. Visions flashed before his eyes and his voice grew more distraught. Hermione sat there, stunned. Draco's words were horrible. What had happened to Harry?! At the point where Draco recalled Harry punching the wall, Hermione gasped and covered her mouth with her hand. When Draco finished, they sat in silence for a while.

"Draco, what does this mean?" Hermione whispered.

"I don't know. You should have seen him, he was a wreck. Something happened over the summer that changed him drastically. It wasn't just the beatings. Something else happened, I can *feel* it," Draco said, looking at his lap, "I'm afraid Hermione."

"What do you mean?" Hermione asked him, looking at him with terror.

"I'm afraid of what he might do. I've seen people. People who've been through just what Harry's been through," Draco said, shaking slightly.

"What happened to them?" Hermione asked, her terror increasing.

"They.they..killed themselves," Draco whispered, "He's being pushed, I know he is. I don't want him to commit suicide."

Hermione shook violently. Harry.commit suicide? It was more terrible than she could ever imagine.

"What do you want me to do?" Hermione asked, almost desperately.

"Please, watch over him. Help him in any way you can. Try to prevent this," Draco said.

"I'll do what I can. Ron needs to know," Hermione said.

"Don't tell him everything, but get him to help. You two are the only ones I know who can help him," Draco said.

"But why? Why are you telling me all this? I thought you hated him!" Hermione cried.

"This have changed, changed drastically," was his only reply.

Hermione sat and thought. Suddenly it all clicked. The truce, the attitude, the looks, this entire meeting. They're all connected. Hermione gasped and Draco looked at her sharply.

"You.you like Harry! Don't you!" she whispered incredulously.

Draco looked down at his hands. Damn! She wasn't supposed to figure out that much! This could be bad.

"Wh-what if I do?" he asked lowly.

"It all fits! It all makes sense now!" she whispered.

"Please, you can't tell anyone about this. Please, I beg you!" Draco pleaded, "If word got out to people I could be *dead*!"

Hermione looked at him and smiled, "I won't tell anyone. I promise. You can trust me with your secret. But I have to be able to trust you," her expression went grave.

"I swear you can trust me! I wouldn't be here if I thought you wouldn't trust me! I'm doing this for Harry, you have to trust me," Draco said, his eyes true.

"I don't know if this is a mistake, but I will. I'll trust you. From what you've told me tonight, it looks like I need to," Hermione said with a small smile, then turned serious again, "There's one thing I need to know."

"Name it."

"Are you or your father a Death Eater?" she asked.

"Believe it or not, neither me *nor* my father are Death Eaters. My father works as a spy for Professor Dumbledore. My entire manner around you and your friends has been a façade. There are Death Eater children in *all* of the houses here at Hogwarts, so I needed to keep up an impression so my family wouldn't be suspected. And no, I would not trade Harry in for You- Know-Who," Draco said, reading Hermione's expression, "The only reason I'm taking such a big risk by calling this truce is because of Harry."

"I want to thank you for telling me all this. For some reason, I believe you are telling the truth. I see now why you didn't want me to bring Ron. He can be a little closed-minded sometimes. Don't worry, all of your secrets are safe with me. Who knows, I might even try and help you catch Harry," Hermione smiled at Draco's astonished look, "Well, I better leave. We've been talking for.oh! an hour and a half! I need to get back to the commonroom!"

Before another word could be said, she rose and hurried down the steps. Draco blinked, then smiled to himself. This went so much better than he had predicted. Maybe things would look up from now on. Maybe this would turn out okay. Walking back to the Slytherin dorm, Draco had no idea how bad things really were.

~*

They always say that the dagger is an exquisite thing. The saying was pretty corny, but so true to Harry. Twirling the knife between his fingers, he watched it glint in the light from his lone candle. He had picked it up in Knockturn Alley over the summer, knowing he would need one. He had been in Diagon Alley, and taken a wrong turn. Walking into the shop where he had seen Draco the year before, an gorgeous dagger caught his eye. A golden handle, sapphires woven into an intricate design. The blade pure steel, he had paid a good 50 galleons for it. He had been lucky to find one so cheap, it was said to be cursed. It was worth it though.

And so Harry sat, the knife in his right hand, sitting on his bed. The curtains were drawn, a silencing charm put up around his bed. Lucky Dean and Seamus had taught him that handy little spell. Though those two had different, um.*motives* for it, Harry still appreciated knowing it. He had used it a couple times last year, and would have used it over the summer if it wasn't for that damned rule.

The main reason for the silencing charm was that he loved to play music whilst he stayed up late and cut. Of course, at the Dursleys he had to remember to keep it soft, but here he could have it as loud as he wanted. He took out his CDs, they were mostly American rock bands. Godsmack, Slipknot, some Staind, a little Green Day...what the fuck?! *N SYNC?! How the hell did *that* get into his collection? Ugh...Dudley must have left it there while rummaging through Harry's stuff. Oh well, Harry figured it might go well in the fire on those cold winter nights. He sifted through his collection until he found his Bright Eyes CD and put it in his CD player, complete with speakers that went to a much higher volume than many others. He silently thanked Dudley's stupidity to just leave it lying around unused. He charmed the player so it would actually play, and turned it up to medium volume.

As the music flowed around him, he stared at the blade, which was gleaming wickedly. He brought it to the skin on his wrist and pressed lightly. Sliding the blade, he watched the cut form. This was for everything that had ever happened to him. He stopped and cut another area. This was for everyone's lives he's ruined. This cut was for his mother, the next for his father. The next was for Cedric and his family. Another for Sirius. He had ruined all of their lives, each in one way or another. His parents died protecting him. Cedric had died on account of Harry's sheer stupidity. Cedric's family had to suffer the loss of their dead son. Sirius was sent to Azkaban, he was on the run, taking risks just to keep Harry safe. Keeping Harry safe was the number one priority, it comes before everything else. Why? WHY? How could he be so important that people he sometimes didn't even know would die for him? Oh, of course. He was the bloody fucking Boy Who Lived. Wonder Boy with the damned scar on his forehead, the symbolism of his ability to live. He considered it damn luck. If it weren't for him, his parents might still be alive!

No, no. For that he had to blame Voldemort. That bastard had messed up Harry's entire life. He deserved to rot in hell for the rest of time. Harry gasped as the blade went deeper into his arm. That was for you, Voldie. It's what you wanted, isn't it? No need to try and kill little Harry Potter, Harry would do it for him! Harry was tired of fighting. Tired of everything. Why couldn't the world just leave him alone?! He was a 15 year old trapped in a world where he was expected to be an adult. Not just an adult, but a kind of super being. No matter how many times Dumbledore told him he was great and that he understood how Harry felt, the truth was, he didn't.

Dumbledore could never understand how Harry felt. A young person's psyche was so fragile, and Harry's had been broken, ripped apart, put back together, and twisted.repeatedly. He couldn't tell the truth from the lies anymore. Everything was distorted. Nothing made sense. Things were always changing. Changing so fast that Harry felt he had nothing to depend on. Sure, he had friends, but they were all busy with their own, normal lives, with their boyfriends and girlfriends and secret crushes. They were all moving on with their lives, while Harry was stuck replaying the memories of his past over and over again. Nothing was ever constant in his life. He needed someone. Someone to talk to, to hold to....love. Draco...

He wanted Draco to be the constant in his life. The one he could depend on, and the one that would depend on him. He never understood why. Maybe it was because they lived completely opposite lives, maybe it was because he was going insane. Or maybe it was because it just felt right. He felt that pull, that need to know Draco better, get close to him. It was becoming stronger than ever. But it wouldn't happen. Things were not meant to be for him. Not only had Draco hated him for years, though they called a truce, it would never amount to anything more than rivalry. Yes, that rivalry gave him a sort of thrill, but it wasn't the same. The fact that it would never work out made Harry go even closer to the edge. It wasn't just a silly crush, no. This was different from anything else he had known. Nothing he had ever felt for Cho compared to this feeling. It was so amazing and wonderful, yet so painful and excruciating all at the same time.

Harry looked at the knife, which was stained slightly with his blood. He glanced at his arm, ::Fuck, so much blood:: he thought, and began to wipe off his arm with the towel he'd stolen. He moved to his ankles, slicing thin lines across the pale skin. Not enough to bleed, but hard enough to hurt. Pain on the outside masks the pain on the inside. Sure, it doesn't completely take away the pain on the inside, but as long as he had the dagger, ::So beautiful:: he added, he could forget about all that. He stopped finally when he realized the sky was starting to lighten, and used a major cleaning spell on his sheets and pillows. He crept into the bathroom and scrubbed at the towel furiously. He didn't have the strength for another cleaning spell, and he had classes. ::Ugh, potions today, fun with Snape:: he thought bitterly, ::It looks substantially lighter. The house elfs will probably think one of the guys dyed their hair. What a crazy fad::

He dumped the sopping towel into the dirty linen basket and went back to his bed, knowing he wouldn't sleep. Oh, it wasn't uncommon for him to get only 5 hours of sleep in one week, but hey, it's not like anyone would care.

~*

Six: There you go, another chapter done. I'm working on chapter number 5, hopefully my schedule will permit me to get it out on time. I don't mean to be a bother, but REVIEW!

Draco: *mumbles* You're always a bother.

Six: *smacks Draco over head with over-inflated plastic hammer toy and grins* 'Scuse Draco, he's a bit...sensitive *snicker* at this point. Anyway, I want to say that if you review, I'LL LOVE YOU FOREVER! See ya!