Chapter 2: What I Could Have Had

I've taken some well heeded and much needed advice and decided to try and keep this in my own verse. I'd rather not bore you all ^^ and I am glad for the constructive criticism. So I'll try and put this my own way a little new so that you aren't experiencing much dejahvou (sp? I don't think anyone knows how to spell that but you know what I mean) I've often been told my writing is much like Tolkien's style and I tell you it is non-intentional ::blushes:: but I take it as the greatest compliment any writer could recieve. This small piece will be quite different though, keep in mind it is in Gollum's POV so the vocabulary and grammar will be somewhat lacking and descriptions somewhat vague. This is not my blunt style of writing but more Gollums lacking viewpoints. I hope the message and emotion gets across. Well thank you all and enjoy.

Now in Gollum's POV a little later in the tale, before his treachery and after they leave Faramir's safety.



"I must rest, Sam. I- I can't move another step."

It was a tired voice, it was.

"It's so heavy, Sam, so heavy."

"Then we will rest, Mr. Frodo."

That voice was kind. So kind and devoted to master.

"Aye! Mr. Frodo needs rest! We will stop here!"

Ack! No more kind, nice hobbit. Wicked hobbit Sam. So nasty to us. We are tired too, nasty Sam-hobbit doesn't care when poor gollum, Smeagol, tired. Why must obey cruel Sam-hobbit? Sam-hobbit not master, no. But must stay with master, made a promise, we did. Yes, yes we promise master of the precious. We keep promise.

But there is her. Yes, she will help us, get precious back.

No, promised master, nice hobbitses. Save us from cruel, nasty men, master did.

But he trickses. He'll tricks us again. And cruel, wicked, Sam-hobbit, so nasty cruel to us.

No! Sss! Put my hands on my ears. Then I can't hear cruel voices. Nasty voices won't leave Smeagol alone. Nasty, nasty voices. Arguing in our head it is. Stop, voices, don't want voices. Voices told me to kill him, yes they did. Shouldn't listen to voices, no. I cry. Oh my love, my friend, we killed him, we did! Nasty voices told me to, and we did.

"What are you blubbering about?"

Sam-hobbit being nice? Be nice to us? No. "Sss!" Sam-hobbit laugh at us. Makes fun of us he does.

He looks sorry now. Looks sorry? Before looked nasty, cruel, now nice. Nice hobbitses, nice like Deagol. Deagol was nice.

"You are crying again? I'm sorry."

Words sound forced. Not really sorry.

"Eh-erm. I'm sorry, Smeagol. I've never seen you cry. I can't say I like you, not even now. But you just looked so sad over there, and I-"

"Sss! Says sorry! Then says doesn't like us! Cruel nassty hobbit game! Iss nice to poor Smeagol, then kicks us he does."

Sam hobbit frowns. Nasty hobbit.

"I never kicked you! I'm just askin'."

"Acksss! Why should we tell you, nassty hobbit just laugh at us, he does."

Sam-hobbit looks sad again, he does. Smeagol must be crying again. But we can't stop crying, oh no, poor Smeagol! We killed him, we did! Now we are alone, all alone. Wretched precious! It made us kill him. Oh, oh poor Smeagol. We can't stop crying, making Sam-hobbit laugh at us. Nasty, wicked, Sam-hobbit. Deagol would not laugh at us, no. Deagol would sit next to us like he did, put arm around us, pull tight, nice comforting Deagol. He'd say it'd be ok, he would. He'd stop Smeagol crying.

Why is Sam-hobbit not laughing? He pities us, he does. But Sam-hobbit cruel, wicked. He jumps on us he did. Like cats on poor mices, he did. But now Sam-hobbit nice? Don't trust him. Trust master. Where's master?

Oh, master sleeps. Nice master, nice hobbitses. Poor poor master, precious is heavy it is. Smeagol knows. But no! We leave master, he sleeps now. We sit here, alone. We have no friend. No Deagol. Sam-hobbit sits with master. He stays awake, sits with master, arm around shoulders. Deagol would put arm around Smeagol he would.

No, now he wouldn't. Smeagol does not deserve nice Deagol friend any more. Deagol was kind. Gives us nice birthday present he did. Oh Deagol! We are sorry. We are wretched. It was precious, precious made us do it. How I hate it! And I need it! I need it now!

No! Nice hobbitses sleep now. We stay away from nice hobbitses. Smeagol and Deagol, hobbitses. Poor poor master. He's being crushed under heavy precious. Smeagol knows. Smeagol was crushed under precious. But Deagol- hobbit, Sam-hobbit, holds him now. Puts hands in hands, stops shaking. Master shaking. Master muttering, talks in sleep he does, talks about dark, shadow, fire. Smeagol all knows. Smeagol knows.

Nice, Sam-hobbit. Want to go sit with them. Be safe. Nice Sam, nice Deagol. Shaking, shivering, cold. We are cold. Hobbits sit together, nice hobbitses. Together, not alone. Smeagol alone. Smeagol made himself alone. It is Smeagol's fault! Oh, Deagol, we are sorry!

Thirsty, we are. Sam-hobbit gives nice master water. Nice master too weak, can't move. Poor master. Has Sam-hobbit to look after him. Smeagol has no one. No one looks after Smeagol.

"Thank you, Sam."

Master speaks. He smiles at Sam-hobbit. Deagol would have helped us. He would give us drink, nice cool water, when Smeagol is thirsty. Deagol always there. But not now, it is Smeagol's fault.

"What would I do without you, Sam." Master smiles.

I tell you, master. I tell you what you would do without your Deagol- hobbit. Nice friend. I tell you. You become like us. You become gollum. All alone. Alone, wretched, pitiful. We are without our Deagol. All alone. Nice hobbitses have eachother. Nice master has Sam-hobbit to look after him. Nice Sam-hobbit. We are scared. We are alone.

You are not alone, Smeagol dear. You are sorry. It is alright. Deagol is not mad at you, I'd never be mad at you, Smeagol. It wasn't your fault. Always with you, Smeagol, as long as you think of me. I forgive you.

No, voices in head again. But Deagol? Deagol voice?

"Here, you thirsty?"

"Deagol?"

"What?"

"No you not, Deagol. Go away Sam-hobbit."

"Fine I was just coming to bring you some water. But if you're going to be snippy-"

"You bring water for us?"

"Yes, I thought you'd be thirsty."

Sam-hobbit being nice? Be nice like Deagol. Deagol?

"Yess, we are thirsty."

Thank you, Deagol.