Harry's Revenge
Disclaimer: This is my rather embarrassing attempt to write a parody based on the books by J.K. Rowling.
Summary: This is a parody of the Harry Potter books. One night, I was extremely bored, and in the mood to write. The rest is history.
Author's Note: This is a relatively short chapter. I might decide I don't like it after all and change it. Honestly, I've been spending more time writing "Harry Potter and the Lost Year," so this one may have suffered—sorry! Expect another chapter next weekend (when I have time). Also, thanks to crayon, Shinigami, memmas, and DarkAngelChick for reviewing my fic!
As the weeks progressed, Harry became more and more immersed in his plan for revenge. He began having many animated conversations with Janet… Until the 'incident.'
"Where is Janet?!" Harry roared as he tramped through the common room with an insane look upon his face. "I know someone's seen her! You know what she looks like—I know what you all say behind my back when I'm discussing various matters with her!"
Though some Gryffindors had the audacity to snicker behind their hands, most feared for their lives, as Harry was now shooting murderous glares about the room.
After an intense moment of silence, a clear, confident voice could be heard as a petite redhead stood from her armchair before the fire.
"I saw your quill. Janet, is it?" Ginny Weasley said, mockery filling her voice.
Harry was on her like a starving wolf on a steak. "Where was she?" He implored, grasping her shoulders.
Waving her hand impatiently, she answered, "Oh, over by fire. In the box."
At once Harry had knelt by fire, and was gingerly picking up the box and lifting the lid. He suddenly froze. Every eye in the common room was on Harry. After nearly five minutes, Harry spoke.
"Who did this?" he asked shakily. When no one replied, he repeated the question, "Who the hell did this?" He screeched.
Slowly and deliberately, Ginny raised her hand. "Oh, did you mean to ask who snapped your beloved quill in half?" She let out a sharp laugh. "I guess I did that."
Harry stared at her for a moment as she grinned maliciously back. "Sorry."
He let out a cry of anger and began madly scraping the end of the quill against his wrist.
Ron leapt up; his habit of wanting to help Harry suddenly kicking in. "Harry what are you doing?"
Harry answered with a sob.
"Harry!" Hermione called. "Let us help you!"
Harry stopped weeping, and glared at Ron and Hermione. "Don't you do anything I just want to join Janet… in the next world."
The stunned silence was only disrupted by Ginny's laughter. "Could you possibly know how lame you are?"
Harry's head snapped in Ginny's direction, though not for long. His attention was soon turned towards the quill that lay broken in his hands. Tentatively, Harry held the pieces near his ear.
"Okay. Yes… Anything, but are you sure?"
The students in the common room shook their heads and muttered to eachother. "He's back to normal," Ron said to Hermione.
Suddenly, Harry rose to his feet and strode to where Ginny was still standing, watching him. He stood staring into her upturned face and stated, "You have only strengthened my resolved, wench." Then, he stalked to the spiral staircase that led to the boys' dormitories amid the laughter of his peers.
*~*~*
The next morning, Harry woke more than an hour before dawn. Draping himself with his invisibility cloak, he silently walked through the passageways, making his way out of the castle to the blackened lake. He pulled off his cloak, as he searched through the shadows until he found what he had been looking for.
"What happened back there? I haven't been able to stay in contact with you for an entire day!" The mysterious stranger exclaimed.
Harry bowed his head. "I'm sorry, master. But that Weasley botched everything. She broke Janet—my quill—in half—"
He was cut off, "Janet!? You named your quill? You are entirely hopeless!"
"NO! I'm not hopeless… I've just been kinda lonely… but that's beside the point. Ginny's ruining everything," Harry said exasperatedly.
"No, this is better. Perhaps we can use her apparent hatred towards you to our advantage. But, we'll need some other way to communicate," he pulled out a new quill. "Don't name it this time. You're drawing too much attention to yourself. Dumbledore is going to suspect something."
Sheepishly, Harry said, "I think he already does suspect something."
"You are such a disappointment. Have you ever done anything correctly?" the man sneered.
Shrugging his shoulders, Harry answered, "Don't worry. I'll make it up to you."
"Don't worry about that," the man said in a voice that sent shivers up Harry's spine. "Let's worry about you for now. How are you going to do this?"
Harry began relaying the elaborate plan he had formed to seek his revenge on Ginny Weasley.
"That's a good plan, but I'm afraid there's only one flaw. Your prey, Ginny Weasley, is overly confident. You need to wear her down… Place the pieces of your quill under her pillow, and I'll take care of the rest…"
Nodding, Harry took his leave, and walked back to the castle, intending to hide until all the Gryffindors had departed from their dormitories, and Harry would be able to begin the process of destroying Ginny. However, his plan was temporarily foiled.
"Harry!" the voice of Albus Dumbledore rang through the halls.
"Damn," Harry muttered to himself. "I forgot the freaking cloak."
"Harry," Dumbledore repeated upon catching up with him, "I need to speak with you. Privately," he added as a group of first years stopped, listening curiously.
"Whatever," he said, shoving past Dumbledore to lead the way to his office.
After they had seated themselves in Professor Dumbledore's office, Dumbledore clasped his hands together, eyes twinkling.
"Harry, Harry, Harry."
"Yeah, I know my name, for the love of—"
"Harry, I have a bit of information that may prove interesting to you."
Harry rolled his eyes.
Dumbledore pretended not to notice. "Anyway, I felt I should tell you that I appointed Professor Sanabubo for a specific reason. You see he's not actually a professor. And he's not writing a book. Professor Sanabubo is a psychiatrist who specializes in child psychology."
Harry jumped to his feet and roared, "Oh that's great! I bet you're feeling really great about yourself. You pulled a fast one on Harry Potter!"
Deciding he no longer wanted to be a part of this conversation, Harry walked out of Dumbledore's office to the main part of the school. However, Dumbledore followed Harry and placed a hand on his shoulder, forcing him to stop.
Damn, he's got a firm grip, Harry thought unhappily.
"Harry, you're showing signs of schizophrenia… but there's a possibility you're under the demens vomica spell—"
"You know what? I don't care about you or your ridiculous ideas. You can take anymore of your theories and shove them up your arse. And until you get rid of that loser, Sanabubo, I'm hereby excusing myself from Defense Against the Dark Arts," Harry stated as he strode away from Dumbledore, who walked back to his office looking dejected.
When the hallway appeared to be empty, Ginny emerged from a darkened doorway, looking triumphant.
