AUTHOR'S NOTE: I started to do a sequel to "Mission: Aggravation," but I decided to just tag it at the end. It picks up where the epilogue left off. RnR if you please.
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CHAPTER 13--CHANGES, CHANGES, CHANGES
Donovan stood before Remy with a gaped open mouth. Had he heard her correctly? Had she actually said what he thought she said? For a moment, he felt light-headed. "You're pregnant," he spat stupidly.
She nodded. "Yeah."
He stepped away from her and sat down hard on the bed. "Shit," he said.
It wasn't exactly what she expected to hear from him. "Frank? Are you okay with this?"
He nodded and then looked up at her. "Oh yeah," he said. "I'm just shocked."
She sighed. "Good, because I was scared there for a moment."
He stood and approached her. He took her into his embrace and kissed her. "I'm sorry, Remy, I think it's wonderful, but I wasn't expecting it."
"Neither was I," she said with a smile.
* * *
Much later, the two of them were in bed. Remy had had no trouble shutting down the clock and going to sleep. Donovan, however, was wide-awake. His dark eyes were affixed to the ceiling, his hands behind his head. He still hadn't come to terms with the fact that he was going to be a father. He hadn't lied when he told her he thought it was wonderful, but he couldn't lie and say that he was prepared, because he was not. However, he loved her deeply and had been on the verge of asking her to marry him. He wasn't sure if she would marry him now or not. Like an impatient little boy, he wanted to wake her up and ask her right away. He hesitated. She was sleeping so deeply. I'm a chickenshit, he thought.
The next morning, Donovan awoke alone. Remy's side of the bed was vacant. He sat up and looked around. Oddly, she was up and gone. She normally never got out of bed before him. For a moment, he was a little upset with her. They needed to talk, and he needed to propose. He went about his morning ritual of shower and caffeine. After that, Donovan was convinced that Remy had gone to work for the day. Work, what a novel idea, he thought. Today would mark his first official day back in the field.
The instant Donovan stepped into the office; he was greeted with five voices screaming, "WELCOME BACK!" He was shocked and surprised at the same time. One of the five voices, of course, was Remy. So this is where she went, he thought. He fixed his gaze on Remy for a few minutes, seemingly trying to communicate with her telepathically. She let her eyebrows do the shrugging for her.
"Come on, Boss, we have cake," Cody said happily.
"Cake," he spat as if hearing the word for the first time.
"Come on, baby, have some cake and get that goofy look off your face," Remy said as she approached him and took his arm.
He leaned his head down close to her ear and whispered, "Speaking of baby, I need to talk to you."
"Later," she said. "Come on, don't spoil this. They worked hard to get it set for you," she told him.
Spoil it? What was she talking about? He wanted to make it better, wanted to ask her to marry him. How would that be spoiling anything…unless…she didn't want to marry him? "Okay, but before you go, I want to talk to you alone."
She leaned up to kiss his cheek. "Of course."
Donovan ate cake and drank punch until he thought he might be sick. He kept a close eye on Remy. She wasn't eating or drinking anything. In fact, she looked a little pale, as if she might pass out, vomit, or both. His need to be alone with her was driving him to utter distraction. He couldn't hear the activity around him, the constant chattering, nothing. He was focused solely on Remy. After more than two hours, the activity surrounding them had finally begun to settle down. Donovan took the opportunity to approach Remy and shuttle her off to his office. Of course, the others noticed, but they said nothing. They suspected something was going on between the couple, but 'closed mouth' Donovan would never share.
"You're rude, aren't you," Remy teased as Donovan took her into an embrace.
"Maybe a little," he said and kissed the tip of her nose. "Hearing yesterday about the baby really threw me for a loop, but the more I think about it, the more I love it, and the more I love you."
"The things you say, Frank," she said with a little sigh. "You certainly know how to melt women's drawers, don't you?"
He shook his head and smiled. "No, just yours."
"Okay," she said, "enough of this. I don't want to attack you while people are downstairs. Why did you insist on seeing me alone? What absolutely couldn't wait until later?"
Not exactly sure how to proceed [chickenshit], he decided to go for the gusto. "I want to marry you," he spat suddenly before losing his nerve.
She hadn't wanted to be with him when he awoke this morning, because she was pretty sure he would pop the question. In the time they had been together, the subject of marriage had never been spoken about. Neither of them seemed to even want it. Of course, the second she announced she was pregnant, he wanted to get married. She loved him and honestly wanted to marry him, but not because of her pregnancy. Trapping him was not what she intended to do. She was certain he was only asking because of the baby. Remy didn't want him to look back years after they married, and then regret his decision. She loved him too much for that. He stood staring at her expectantly. He wanted an answer, and from the look on his face, he wanted it now.
"Frank, I'm sorry, but the answer is no," she said softly.
Of course, it wasn't quite the answer he expected to hear. Hurt, he continued to gaze at her, but he didn't let her go. "No? Excuse me if I missed something, but why no?"
She drew away from his embrace. "I don't want to get married just because I'm pregnant."
He drew her back into his arms. "Is that what you think? I want to marry you because I love you, not because you're pregnant."
"Think about that for a minute, Frank. Are you sure? How long have we been together? In that time, how often did we talk about getting married? Not once. Am I wrong?"
"Yes you're wrong," he said incredulously. "I've wanted to marry you for a long time, but I never asked."
She pulled away again and crossed her arms. "And you must ask yourself why you didn't, Frank. When I told you I was pregnant, that prompted it. Marrying because of that scares me, Frank. The answer is no." She made her way toward the door. "I have to go."
He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Was she crazy? She was irrational, and there was nothing he could say to make it better. "Remy, this isn't finished. Okay?"
She looked back at him briefly and nodded. "Okay. But later." Without another word, she opened the door and walked out.
What just happened, he wondered. He couldn't deny her refusal hurt deeply. However, he didn't understand her point of view at all. It was true they never discussed getting married, but he had thought of it often. He simply hadn't spoken to her about it, because he didn't know if she was ready for such a big step. The game had changed. She was carrying his child, and there was no way he'd allow her to walk away from him now.
* * *
Donovan went home early that evening. He didn't want to push it too far on his first day back in the field. He had basically sat up in his office all day, trying to read through his mound of paperwork. Of course, it was no use. He could only think about Remy. He wanted to get home to her, to convince her that he loved her, and wanted to marry her regardless of whether or not she was pregnant.
When Donovan entered the apartment, he could hear the shower running. By the time he made it to the bathroom, Remy stepped out of the shower, and towel dried her hair. He gazed at her steadily. His eyes automatically went down to her flat belly. He couldn't believe there was a child inside her. He didn't say anything right away; he wanted to look at her, drink her in.
"You're in early," she said as she wrapped a towel around her body. She moved away from him and entered the bedroom.
He stood at the door and turned to face her. She sat on the bed with all her hair brushed in front of her face. She was trying hard not to look at him. "I think today, we left things unfinished."
"I think we did," she said softly.
"Would you get your hair out of your face and look at me."
Silently, she flipped her head back and brushed her hair away from her face. "Better?"
"Lots." He sighed, "I don't want to fight with you, Remy. I want us to straighten this out."
"I want that, too, Frank, but I can't marry you. Please understand that."
"I don't understand it," he said stiffly, angrily.
"No, because you can't see it," she said. "You said it yourself. This baby threw you for a loop. And your response is the old-fashioned, 'well I guess we gotta get married now.' It complicates our relationship, but I'm not sorry it did. I love you, Frank, and I want to have your baby. But I don't want to marry you just because I'm knocked up. That's something you're going to have to understand."
Donovan was taken back to when he first met her. She hadn't annoyed him so much since then, but now, she was doing again. "Goddamn it, Remy," he spat. "The baby has nothing to do with me wanting to marry you. I'm beginning to think it's you who doesn't want to marry me."
"Oh wonderful," she said with a sigh. "Blame me. I love you; I'd kill to be your wife. But I want it to be for the right reasons, not because we're pregnant."
Unable to help himself any longer, he approached her and sat on the bed, turning his body to face her. "You're not listening to me. I wanted to marry you months ago. This was before you even became pregnant. What more can I say? What more can I do?"
"Nothing," she whispered. "Please don't ask me again, because the answer will not change."
"Okay," he said, defeated for the moment. He got off the bed and made his way toward the living room. Just before he stepped out, he glanced back at her. "I'm going out for awhile. Don't wait up."
She said nothing. She simply watched him walk out. She hated herself, literally hated herself. She had hurt him so badly. Her intention had never been to hurt him. Whatever the case, she saw the look on his face, and the way his eyes darkened with anger. She couldn't express her true feelings to Donovan. The thought of marriage and motherhood terrified her. However, the thought of marrying for the wrong reasons terrified her even more.
* * *
Despite Donovan asking her not to wait up for him, Remy did anyway. She glanced at the bedside clock when she heard the front door closing. It was after two in the morning. He came into the darkened bedroom without a sound. A few moments later, he went into the bathroom and started the shower. Remy debated with herself for several minutes trying to decide what to do.
He turned his head when the shower door creaked open. His eyes settled on Remy for a few brief moments before he directed his face into the spray of water. She closed the door behind her and settled her hands on each side of his waist. She pressed her lips against the middle of his back.
"I hurt you, and I'm sorry," she said over the pounding intensity of the water.
He wanted to ignore her, to be angry with her, but there was no use. He loved her, and couldn't stand to feel this way about her. "It's okay," he said with a sigh.
"No, it's not okay," she insisted.
Donovan turned toward her and kissed her deeply. He broke the kiss after several moments. "I love you, and I hope you change your mind."
She didn't think she'd ever change her mind, but she couldn't resist wrapping her arms around him, and returning his deep kiss. What was she going to do?
