It's quite amazing, actually, how something so simple could turn out to be the biggest mistake he had
ever, ever, ever made that year.
Oh, sure, it STARTED innocently enough. Actually, it hadn'tl, he had just been in a careless mood or something. Bulma had
called him to ask if he could babysit over Trunks and Vegeta, since neither were capable of taking care of themselves,
while she went to the Satan residence and discuss some sort of home security system or something.
"Sure Bulma," he had said absently, "no problem."
Then he put down the phone, realized what he had done to himself, and wept unashamedly.
He needn't bother looking to his wife for sympathy, she gave him her usual
There-could-not-be-anything-on-earth-I-could-possibly-care-less-about-than-your-problems-you-pathetic-waste-of-life
glare, and went back to taking care of Marron. So he was forced to go alone and face an evening of intense pain and
suffering at the hands of a demonic 3-year-old on three gallons of sugar. Well....at least Goten wouldn't be there.
Kuririn sighed as he walked up to the giant house, scratching his smooth (no hair yet) head absently. He
knew exactly how the evening would turn out, it was just WHAT would Trunks do and HOW would Vegeta mutilate him.
Vegeta was in his training clothes as always when he threw the door open.
"Hmph! About time you got here, the woman left a half an hour ago!" he said courteously. Then he stomped off again.
The short man came in and took the house map, following the instructions carefully to the third
second story kitchen. He knew the way from there. Coincidentally, the Briefs' family actually only took up
a small part of the house. There was a room for each member of the family.
Bulma liked the bedroom, Trunks liked the "Entertainment Center", known to everyone else as the "World's Largest
Indoor Amusement Park," and Vegeta, of course, spent most of his time either eating in the
kitchen or proving his princely might by training constantly to surpass his rival, who happened to be dead.
He clenched his teeth and went down to play with Trunks, who was already thinking up new and fascinating ways of making
messes and getting his babysitter killed. "Now now, T-trunks, let's not make pyramids with the vases your Daddy got for
mommy when he was in some sort of deliriously good mood."
A roar blew across the hallway, "WHAT WAS THAT, CUE-BALL?!!!"
"Uh, I said I don't think we should make BASES with the new PILLOWS that your Daddy likes when he eats GOOD FOOD!"
Silence from down the hall.
Trunks pouted, "Why! The peermad took a long time to build!"
"Well, if the pyramid falls, then your Daddy'll come out and beat Mr. Kuririn into a shapeless puddle. You wouldn't want
that to happen, right sport?"
"Hmmmmmm, actooaly, that'd be FUNNY!"
He waved his hands desperately, "No NO, it WOULDN'T be funny! At ALL! Uh--um---er, Y-You'd have to train in the gravity
room with him all night!"
"ACK!!! NO!"
Good thinking Kuririn. "All right, now let's clean all this up and play video games or something, whaddya say?"
"Ok." Trunks shrugged in a serious manner, and swiped one of the vases out from the bottom. The whole pyramid came down
in a heap, and the bald man was forced to dive and become a cushion. Trunks giggled in
dignified yet babyish amusmant at the funny man's antics, and went to go look for more toys.
"Videl-san, don't do that, please! PLEASE!"
"Do what?" She took both hands off the control stick and laid them in her lap. "I don't know WHAT you're talking about!"
"VIDEEEELLLLLLL!!!!!" Gohan curled himself up in a crash position for the 12th time, and Videl casually barrel-rolled through the limbs of the trees, coming out completely unscathed.
"Oh quit whimpering, this is fun!"
"I don't wanna die!!!" he whined piteously.
She did a perfect flip around a low bridge and continued to gain speed. " Oh relax. Just think of that BIG FEAST you won that you'll get when we get to my house! That'll make you feel better."
Gohan's face now had a greenish tinge to it. "G-great..."
"Mashed potatoes, a pork roast, maybe some avacado, soda, heaps and heaps of it...mmmmm, doesn't that sound good."
"...I don't...feel good....aAAGHHHH!!"
The wing of the plane narrowly missed a giant stop sign, and dove under a rather low bridge. "And there'll be big banana splits, and thick fudge, and cake, and..."
Gohan doubled over in his seat, gagging. Videl looked at him sideways. "What's wrong Gohan, I thought you LOVED food."
"uuuughhhh...."
"Ah, here we are." She landed the aircraft with a really sickening drop, followed by a soft feathery landing in a parking lot.
Upon which Gohan tumbled out of the car, clutching his stomach, and accidentally jamming the baby and making it start to cry.
The raven-haired girl cursed. "NOW look what you've done Gohan, there's 5% gone out the window and we haven't even STARTED yet!"
He focused his dizzy eyes grumpily on her, "Well, maybe if you hadn't tried your hardest to make me throw up, I wouldn't have fallen out, now would I! *wheeze*"
"Hey, now don't go blaming this on me. It was just harmless fun! Anyway, start rocking it until it stops, and maybe some sort of miracle'll happen and the computer banks won't register it."
Not in the mood to argue, he started to rock the baby, and it quieted down surprisingly quickly. Videl looked on with amusement. "Well, seems like you've done this before."
"Yeah, had to take care of my little brother from time to time."
She sighed, "Lucky. What're we naming this thing anyway, while we're on the subject?"
Squinting, Gohan looked very closely at the baby, "I....I think it's a girl."
"Wow, excellent deduction, Einstein, mayhaps the pink pajama suit clued you in?"
He smiled brightly, "Yup."
She decided to ignore that, "Well, I think we should name it...Videl Jr? Videl Jr....that DOES have a nice ring to it..."
"*snicker*"
"WHAT?!"
"Maybe...maybe not, Videl."
"Well....hmph. How about Smartass, in honor of his dear daddy."
"....maybe we could work on variations of that...better than Videl J-"
Videl exlpoded, " YEAH, OK, HOW ABOUT A FULLLY LOADED PAIN IN THE ASS!"
Gohan jumped, "PAN! PAN, that's IT!"
"Pan?.....How is that a variation of Smartass, again?" she inquired.
"Well, Pain in the ass was close, and taking out the i in Pain..well...no that doesn't work...actually...it kinda reminds me of food."
She sighed, "Ok. Pan. You know....I just have this feeling that this'll be the name of my real child, and it's being 'subtly' and 'cleverly' hinted at now in some sort of strange-..."
Gohan looked up, "What'd you say?"
"Hmmm, me, did I say something? Well, come on, let's go face the storm and get to work. Maybe you can help me with math, while you're here."
They stepped out of the parking lot, and an entire platoon of camoflauged sodliers rose from the grass and focused their guns on Gohan. "FREEZE! WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED! STEP AWAY FROM MS SATAN IMMEDIATELY, OR BE *sent to the next dimension*!!!"
Videl was quite calm. "Yup. The Maid's at work again."
Gohan blanched. If even one of them shot him, there'd be..."Um....Videl....how..how do we get through here?"
Bidel came bustling out from behind the front line, maid uniform hindering her somewhat. "Videl, don't worry DARLING, you're safe now, get AWAY FROM HER YOU LITTLE STALKING FREAK!"
Trying to ease the situation, Gohan outstretched a hand. "There must be a misunderstanding, I'm-"
The maid screamed, "SHOOT HIM! SHOOT HIM, HE'S TRYING TO GET US!"
All the soldiers looked at her in utter confusion. A voice called out, "Huh?"
Her mask was one of total fury, unabated, the kind that you obtain power over when you listen to your little cousin play with a ticlke-me-elmo for 3 hours straight. "ARE YOU AN IDIOT?! It's a PLOY! HE'S A THREAT, SHOOT HIM!"
One shot rang out, from a hidden Pilaf spy. (suspense) The *tranquilizer dart* zipped down, and before anything could be done, struck the head of the baby robot.
Videl tore herself free. "ARE YOU ALL STUPID? Now the baby has a DENT in her head! THANKS!"
Everyone facevaulted. "BABY?!?!?!"
"No no NO! It's a RO-"
Bidel's eyes blazed in unholy triumph. "You see? Let her away for one week, just one week, and she's had a child!"
Gohan thought for a second. "....pardon my interruption, but doesn't it generally take nine months to give birth-?"
"EVERYONE MAKE WAY!"
All the soldiers drew back in fear from the....FEARED figure of Hercule Satan. It was said that bullets were useless, and that he could sluaghter an entire army by flexing his muscles. Bidel curtsied, seething. "Sire, this BOY here followed YOUR DAUGHTER home. I was just about to detain him for you, not thinking to-"
"Quiet Lidel-"
"BIDEL."
"...right, Bidel, I'll settle this. Now, Ridel."
"Videl, dad, VIDEL. With a V. The letter V."
"uuuuuuh....HAAAHAAHAAA, just KIDDING. Who's this kid you brought to MY HOUSE." He glanced at Gohan, who had long given up on trying to quiet the chaos. "Well...HA! Right, like this little squirt could do anything to MY daughter."
The maid cooed, "Honey, you don't understand, he's tricking-"
"Videl, please, let me handle this."
Videl screamed, "DAD!!!! I'm VIDEL! ME! DEAR CHRIST! That's Bidel! WITH A B! A B FOR....UUUURGGGGHHHHH!!!!"
"....uuuuhhhh....HA! ANOTHER JOKE! Well, what's a thin little shrimp like you doing here anyway?"
Gohan bowed politely, "I'm here for the social and home ec class project, Mr. Satan. I apologize for causing such a scare."
Hercule muttered, "I don't like the looks of you, kid, but I was told this already. Good thing for you that Percy told me to come to the garden earlier, or you'd be a *pincushion full of tranquilizer darts*, HA! Don't worry, you're safe now, unless you get on my BAD side, upon which I will pound you mercilessly like the scum you probably are. Ok?"
"Um......ok...thanks..."
Bidel growled, "Percy? That filthy little-"
The walking afro roared, "ALL RIGHT, YOU GUYS PACK UP AND GET BACK TO YOUR POSTS, FALSE ALARM!"
As the soldiers all scurried off quickly, Hercule turned to Bidel, "Well, I'm sorry, hunny-poo, but you need to go back to work. The world doesn't revolve around you, dear, and Mrs Briefs will be here in an hour."
No, I'm sorry, I forgot, the world revolves around YOU. Dear christ, he can't even remember my name, Bidel thought darkly. She stomped off in a huff.
The sun was beginning to set behind the highly romantic scene, while Videl started screaming at her father.
"Why the HELL can't you remember my NAME, I'm your DAUGHTER! How can you confuse me with that, THAT THING!"
"DON'T SPEAK THAT WAY ABOUT HER! IN FACT, how DARE you take that tone with YOUR MAGNIFICENT FATHER!!"
"I'll speak however the hell-!"
"Do you have ANY manners!" He turned and tried an 'intimidating glare of death' on the intruder. "Sorry, boy, for my daughter's behavior. But don't think you can get away with anything in this house, buddy, I have a reputation you know. I got my EYE on you."
His face largely resembled some kind of puffed up balloon mask. "Uh...ok..."
Looking ready to kill something, Videl growled, "Can we just go inside now?"
"Umm.....all right. AND REMEMBER BOY, no sneaky moves, NO touching, ABSOLUTELY NO MOUTH STUFF! You here me, NO MOUTH STUFF or else I will Pound and Pummel you into a Pulpy Pancake Personally!"
Blink. Blink. Mouth stuff?
".....GOOD! Now, I have to dress up for Mrs. Briefs tonight, so I want no trouble, you hear me! That goes for you too, young lady. Hmmmm...I hear she hasn't officially married yet..I'll make her swoon tonight, oh yes..."
You want to die slowly and painfully? That's a surefire way to do it. thought Gohan only half-jokingly.
Videl grabbed Gohan's arm and started to lead him off, "Ok, great dad, can we go now?"
To say that his eyes bulged to the size of flying saucers would be a grevious understatement. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING WHY'RE YOU HOLDING HIS ARM LIKE THAT I TRY TO PROTECT YOU AND THIS IS THE WAY YOU SHOW YOUR THANKS DON'T BLAME ME IF YOU GET PREGNANT--"
"-but I won't because, actually, I'm holding his arm to keep him from running away in SHEER TERROR OF YOUR POWER," she stated sarcastically.
"Uuuhhh.....AAAAAAAAAAAHHHAHAHAAAAA, smart kid, smart kid. Well, I'm off to change!"
Turning to go, he threw a glance backward at the saiyajin. "....Hey, have I met you before, kid?"
A nervous laugh escaped, "ME, meet you? O-of course not, hahaha! Eheheh, maybe you saw me in a crowd or something."
The big man shrugged, but something was obviously bothering him. "Um, ok. You heard me earlier, no funny stuff...." He walked somewhat less confidently back up to the mansion.
The two were left to find their way across the massive complex to Videl's room. She sighed, "I'm sorry about all of this. My dad, as you've probably noticed, is slightly overprotective, not to mention the fact that he's a complete retard. I must have the strangest 'family' on the face of the planet."
Gohan almost choked holding down laughter. She didn't know WHAT strange families were. "You know, sometimes its odd, he having his great strength and all, but I can't imagine how he beat Cell. I mean, you know? I heard he tripped out of the ring, and only got Cell while the wierd people were doing some sort of really big light show. It's kind of iffy, you know?"
The boy chuckled nervously, "Eheheh. Yeah. Big light show. That's an interesting way to put it."
Videl squinted, "Yeah, and I heard some odd stories here and there about this demon kid or something, who fought with Cell after the other magician guy lost. I don't understand what happened to all those strange people, and why we haven't seen them since...."
"Demon kid? Magician guy?"
Videl stared at him, "You DO know what I'm talking about right."
"Oh, oh yeah, I know, believe me I know, I just, um, uh....heh, I thought it was different...."
"You know, you really are the worst liar on the face of the planet. I don't know what you mean, OR where you met Dad, but we need to get to work anyway." Striding off smugly, Videl entered the mansion, followed closely by Gohan, who wisely kept his mouth shut.
After taking the indoor bus, they arrived at Videl's 'main' bedroom.
Gohan almost dropped the baby as he gazed huge-eyed at the room. This isn't a room, this is a small castle! "THIS is your bedroom Videl-san? It's twice the size of my house!"
She smirked a little. The extra-large king-sized bed, the elaborate dresseer, antique mirror, numerous desks, private entertainment center, and large personal bathroom signified her lack of serious wealth issues. "Yup. Got a smaller one in the back in case I'm too tired to walk all the way across the house."
"Wow....."
Her eyes narrowed dangerously. "Hold on one second."
Videl walked over, stared at her priceless antique mirror for a second, then smashed her fist through it, pulling out a hidden camera. She yelled at it, "That's the 5th time this month you've used the same spot, dumbasses!" right before crushing it into a small metal ball and throwing it out the window into traffic.
Acting as if nothing happened, she took the baby out of Gohan's arms and yanked the *dart* out of it's head. "Oh, gee, this dent in the baby's forehead'll look just DANDY. I'm sure Mr. Forrester'll love this."
"Uh huh," he mumbled absently, longingly eyeing what appeared to be the world's largest minifridge.
"Well, we need to start charting the cycles, maybe you can help me with some other stuff too, while we're watting for the dear PAN in the ass to start crying."
"Uh huh."
"Are you listening to me?"
"Uh huh."
"Gohan?"
"mmmmmm....miiniifriiiidge...."
"....oh my god, my hair turned GREEN!"
"Uh huh."
"My cat's been possesed by Satan! My dad prooved the theory of relativity false!"
"All that food...."
"Cell's come back from the dead! The house is burning down! ZOMBIE COWS ARE FLYING ABOVE THE CITY AND SQUIRTING EXPLOSIVE MILK EVERYWHERE!"
"Uh huh. Videl, can we eat something out of the-"
"NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT! NO! NO! NO! UURRRRGHHHH! *huff puff huff puff* You have the attention span of a six-year old or what? NO FOOD UNTIL DINNER."
"....but Videl-san-"
"NO. No ifs, ands, or buts. Work. Now."
"But....all that FOOD! I'm so hungry I could die!"
She clenched and unclenched her fingers rapidly, trying very hard not to strangle him to death. "Just wait ONE hour, just ONE hour. Speaking of the number ONE, If you ask me ONE more time, I'm going to stuff you in ONE of my desk drawers and lock it for ONE year."
"......*whimper*..."
"No, NO no no, you're not doing that again. Uh uh, I'm NOT looking. No, stop, STOP, it's NOOOT WOOOOORKING!! *hum hum* You're not whimpering your way out of this! Grrrrrrrrrrrrr, *whistles yankee doodle*, not listening *hum* not listening OK FINE, ONE TREAT, JUST ONE!"
Then she banged her head on the wall, "GODDAMMIT!"
He beamed at her, "Arigato, Videl-San!" A brilliant, golden, holy light shone from the magnificent minifridge as it swung open, and Gohan gazed in awed wonder at the variety of items, and how incredibly tasty each one looked.
Videl sighed, "Come on, come on, pick something."
"It's...so...beautiful...."
Her eyes rolled up and right. "Yeah...right. Actually, it's my Dad wanting me to get very, very fat. Now pick something so we can get started."
"This'd be almost enough for an entire day!" He picked up a giant fruit tart, and engulfed it in three quick bites, not a crumb escaping to the floor.
He turned, sat down, and rested his chin in his hands, smiling happily at Videl, who was doing a good imitation of Goten. "That was delicious, arigato!"
"Uh.....uh huh......"
And so, the next hour was actually fairly quiet, with the exception of the gaurds checking on them ever 2.5 minutes, the crowds of admirers cheering for Mr. Satan every 5 minutes, the somewhat random arguments between our two heroes between such noises, Hercule's 'singing' from the bathroom, and the baby's automatic crying periods. After one tumultuous crying period, the baby settled down for its 'nap'. So the two turned to other work, that is, Videl's work.
Videl in question was rather grumpy throughout the whole ordeal. While Gohan's hints and walkthroughs were helpful, his casual know-it-allness about such minor things as advanced vector equations was making her feel rather ignorant. It'd almost be better if he didn't seem so honest and eager to help her, that way she could be grumpy at him for a logical reason. He was currently solving a math problem with ease that she'd pounded her head over for hours, and showing it to her step by step. What's worse, it made sense when she looked at it.
"...so all you need to do is substitute in these three places with X + 4, and then you simplify! It should come out to be the equation for a quartic hyperbolic function!"
"....right. Yeah, ok, I geuss that makes sense. *mutter mutter*"
"Hmmm?"
"Nothing. Come on then, we'd better get to dinner. Well, thanks for the help, you're really good at this stuff, you know that?"
Gohan scratched the back of his head sheepsishly. "Thanks. You're a fast learner, too."
She beamed at him, delighted. Then, catching herself, she stood up and stuffed the neatly completed worksheet into her notebook, and started cleaning up everything. Gohan got up and was about to help when he suddenly felt a poweful Ki fire up from extremely far off, to the west. What's that? Feels like Kuririn, but's why's he using his full power to come this way....oh NO! If he recognizes me, Hercule'll...oh man, gotta think, gotta think...
Videl looked at him quizzically. Man, he was strange sometimes, as opposed to the normal times when he could turn his hair blonde and fly. But he looked so CUTE standing there with a blank, focused expression on his face, like a 5-year old trying hard to understand a lecture on the chemical properties of DNA.
Oddly, she had this biting urge to startle him and grab his attention.
"Hey, earth to Gohan, you ok there?" She ducked her head under his arm and smiled innocently at him. "What're you thinking so hard over, anyway?"
All thoughts of Kuririn dissapeared in a poof of smoke. Paling and reddening simultaneously, he tried to lengthen some distance between them. "Um, ha ha, just-a th-thinking aa-a-a-about h-homework-u-um- ehheh...nothing r-really...y-yeah."
"hmmmmmmmmm, really?" She showed no signs of letting him go, and Gohan's mind was entering a state of panicked confusion. Why do her moods have to change so quickly? This isn't fair, can't she wave a flag or blow a trumpet or something? Gohan thought frantically. (if you haven't noticed by this point, suave calmness around girls is not his strongest point)
"Ah, there you are!" Videl promptly hopskipped forward in terror. At first, Gohan cringed, but then a smile broadened on his face. "Bulma? What're you doing here?"
She just smiled and brushed her blue hair back behind her neck. "Hmmm, I'm sorry, was I interrupting something?"
Burning, he stammered out, "N-no, we were just packing up for dinner, r-right Videl-san?"
She was a tad pink herself. "Yeah, right."
"Of course." Bulma replied smoothly. Oh GOD was that cute, why the hell didn't I bring my camera?
Videl quickly changed the subject, "So, what do you think of my *cough* AMAZING father."
The blue-haired beauty rolled her eyes. "I hope you'll forgive my saying so, Videl, but your dad is kinda on the shallow end of the intellectual pool. Though he isn't lacking in self-confidence, on a positive note."
"Believe me, I know."
"I'm telling you though, one word to my dear husband about how many times this guy's tried to make a pass at me, and that man'd have to be scraped out of the crater with a butter knife."
Videl pondered, "Why don't you just tell him you're married?"
"I DID."
"Oh....."
"Yeah, the matter I'm here for conerns you too, Videl. He's opting for osme sort of advanced security system that would allow you to be tracked via satellite, have police on the spot if you're ever 'molested' and such and such. This WOULD give my company an unprecedented bonus in cash, but I doubt you'll agree to it, if I know you."
The flat, grating response confirmed this beyond all shadow of a doubt.
Bulma walked up and ruffled Gohan's hair. "I figured that the 'Suspicious looking thin kid with the spiky hair that caused a ruckus today' would be you. If I know YOU well enough, you're hungry, right? "
All thoughts of dignity aside, Gohan nodded brightly. "Hai, hai!"
Yeah, she DOES know him.
She smiled. "Ok, I'm heading back before he gets suspicious or something. Finish whatever *packing up* you have to do and I'll see you there, kay?"
She walked out airily, leaving an oblivious Gohan and a pink-faced Videl in her wake. The hint, of course, had sailed right over his head. "Videl, do we have anything left to pack?"
"....*mutter*oh shut up*mutter*idiot*mutter*."
He blinked. What'd he done this time?
Dr. Briefs, now well into his golden years, had decided to take a walk in the forest upon Kuririn's arrival, since he knew it wouldn't take too long for things to start blowing up.
He'd brought some 'dating magazines' with him for when he got to his favorite bench. But today, for some reason, he decided to take a different route to the bench.
A shiny orange something suddenly caught his eye, hiding between the roots of a large tree. The scientist in him awoken, he stooped down and picked it up. And even for a man who had seen alien spaceships, Androids, and small children that always end up being super-powerful, the orb amazed him.
It was perfect, like a magnificent pearl, and contained 4 small stars directly in the center of it. He knew immediately what it was: a dragonball. He'd seen the large ones from Namek before, but this seemed more amazing to him. This one belonged soley to earth.
In other words, it was pretty neat.
Forgetting his reading, he decided to take it back as a present for Bulma. Who knows, they might need it sometime.
Oblivious that he was completely screwing up the emporer's plans, he whistled his way back to the Capsule Corporation.
To Be Continued....
