RIP Planet Namek. We'll miss you *sniff*.
Oh yeah, and I will get to the "action" part soon, I'm just a bit long-winded sometimes.
The World's Biggest Minifridge was pathetic compared to the spread laid out on the table.
A delicious pork roast lay in the middle of the table, writhing in glazed honey and juices. Behind its grandeur lay bowl after bowl of ramen noodles, fried rice, and eggrolls, light shining merrily off the grease. Candied fruit lay open on small plates for desert, along with home-baked double-stuffed oreos and fresh milk.
Gohan's mouth watered, and it took many different levels of willpower to keep dribble off his chin.
Remembering his manners, he sat down politely, with Bulma on one side, and Videl on the other. A position most men in the city would've given their money and soul for, but then again, this was Gohan, so he was oblivious to that sort of thing.
Hercule burst in on the scene like a storm, clad in a brilliantly ridiculous looking tuxedo that didn't fit him at all. He pawed his way to the table, grabbed a handful of candied fruits, and proceeded to scoff them. He winked 'roguishly' at Bulma and glared at Gohan. "*mmph* Boyph, I hope *scroff* that you *crunch* haven't done anyphing *smack smack* since the camera's been put out."
Videl sighed tiredly, "Dad, for the love of god, just sit down."
Bulma smiled reassuringly at him, "Don't worry, they were just packing up when I checked."
"...Good. Just tell me if you see that BOY over there doing anything, and I'll see to it that he gets SQUASHED LIKE THE LITTLE PANCAKE HE IS! uh.....wanna see me flex my muscles?!"
Surprisingly, Mrs. Briefs remained composed, calm, and pleasant. She'd been here before. "This roast looks delicious. My compliments to the cook."
"Yeah, uhuh, uh, you thank, er, thank you of, um.....LET'S EAT."
Hercule ate rather messily, but furiously busy butlers kept each and every flying crumb and drop of colored liquid off his figure. Bulma ate sparingly, to keep that waist of hers nice and tight. Videl, meanwhile, brightened up as she ate, and noticed the plentiful helpings of addictive fried rice cakes, her favorite dish. (HA! CLEVER PUN! BOOYAH! THAT'S HOW YOU SPELL QAULETY FAUNFICSHON!)
She started to turn, "Hey Gohan, you ever try mixing the pork with these fried.....dear...god...."
She dropped her fork and simply stared in disbelief at the certifable walking black hole of a stomach sitting next to her. Gohan was on his 23rd bowl of ramen noodles, and had demolished, alone, 3/4ths of the entire roast, in under 5 minutes. And still, not a crumb fell from his mouth, not one drop of juice dribbled down his chin, and very little sound came at all, aside from tiny chewing sounds and little happy noises. He stopped only to take a couple deep gulps of water before diving back in with glee.
Bulma started to attempt conversation. "So, Gohan, what're you doing here?"
Chew chew CHOMP chew chew....guuuulp. "I'm working with Videl on a Social and Home Ec class project. We take care of these robotic babyish things, the one Videl's carrying. Pretty neat, huh? *CHOMP*"
"Oh the baby project! Yeah, we just produced that new model."
Chew chew nod nod chew chew.
The big man blinked. "Gohan....That's your name huh kid?"
"*swallow* Uh huh! Man this food is really good! *CHOMP*"
Bulma swore under her breath, she'd forgotten. "Uh, anyway, Mr. Satan, I discussed the new security system with your daughter here, and she wasn't exactly keen on the idea. I think it'd be better to lower the level of security that you want to purchase, maybe just a camera or two extra-"
"SHE doesn't HAVE to like it, because SHE doesn't know what's good for her! There're all sorts of crazy people out there, and she's just too oblivious to the world around her sometimes! She's a little fool about that sort of thing, to be honest! Idiotic, to be honest."
"Dad, you know I'm sitting RIGHT HERE."
"That's nice sweetie."
"*hic*....scuse me...*chomp* *siiiip*"
"Dad, I swear to GOD-"
RRRRRUAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A terrifying...raugh...from somewhere far off in the distance caused the very floor to shake and small birds to fall out of the sky and hit the roof. Videl flipped to her feet, and her dad fell backwards in his chair. "W-w-what was that....damn my muscles are big when I'm lying down."
Bulma sighed and clasped a hand to her forehead, "No, I recognize THAT roar anywhere. That's my husband. Wonder what Kuririn did this time..."
"*munch munch* *HIC* *slop* *HIC HIC* *gulp* Uuuuh, what...what...what was that, Buloomers?"
Blink. "Gohan dear, do you know that no one has called me that in at least 18 years, and lived to tell about it?"
"*GUUUULP..SIP SIP* mmm, yeah, s---so----hee heh hee---sorry. Forgot...whee, I didn't know the...the...the lights changed colors like that."
"What're you talking about, boy. What the hell's wrong with you. STAY AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER!"
The normally clear, bright eyes were dim and glazed, and a strange reddish tinge glowed around his nose. "Oh...oh be quiet, you owe...*hic*...owe me a big one...why's it so cold.....look, it's Icarus!"
Videl stared at him, "Gohan, what's wrong with you?"
Bulma squinted, and took a sip from Gohan's glass. She gulped with noticeble effort. "Dear Dende! This isn't water, this is hard liquor. Wooooh, that burns! You're supposed to take SHOTS of these, not chug them out of a glass!"
"Hiiiii Iiiicarus.....dance to my...my whistling?"
"NO! NO WHISTLING!" Bulma roared sharply.
"....k....*hic*...."
Hercule took a sip of his, "Huh, mine tastes just fine, I dunno what the big deal is. W...wait a sec, that'd better not be the 1962 vintage!"
Videl hit her head on the table, "Wonderful. Thanks dad, this is just what I needed. Now Gohan's drunk on God knows how many glasses of Sambucca or something." Then an odd thought occured to her, "How the HELL does someone drink several glasses of hard liquor and not pass out?"
Gohan smiled sloppily, "I'm st----str----powerful enough, s'pose. Gee Videl, you know, you're very p---pr---p---pr---"
"P- what?" She reddened a bit.
"P---pr---pretty patient compared to my mom!"
*insert anime-style falling over* Hercule muttered, "Yeah, you are drunk, kid."
Videl glared, "D----D----DAD!!! DAMMIT, NOW I'M DOING IT!"
"BUUULLLLMMMAAAA!!!! HELP!!! HE'S AFTER ME, HE'S GOING TO TEAR ME TO SHREDS! FOR THE LOVE OF ORANGE JELLO AND BEEF BURRITOS SMOTHERED IN GRAVY, HIIIIDEEE MEEEE!!!!"
Kuririn blasted through the ceiling and dove under the table, tripping Hercule and making him sail into the desert platters. At this point, Bulma briefly considered trying to quickly invent something to make herself invisible. "NOW what happened!"
"KITCHEN.........SPAGHETTI......TRUNKS JUMP BACK......GIANT USED DIAPER BALL.....HORDE OF HOTWHEELS CARS.......FLYING SAUCE....V-VEGETA.....CHEESE GRATER...MIRACULOUS UNCONSCIOUSNESS...RAN LIKE HELL!"
"Great. Sounds like last week."
"I DON'T WANNA DIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!"
Hercule's eyes widened, "Hey, I-I know you!"
Gohan tried to get up but fell against the table. "Hi Kurin...in...in."
The bald man's face brightened. "HEY, GOHAN! WHAT A COINCIDENCE! Hey, uh, Vegeta's probably transformed, and uh, I'm pretty screwed unless you could...you know-"
"Uh huh, I..I'll go super...sour..... heHEE!"
"*blink* Uh...gohan?"
"RRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" The back wall exploded and Vegeta stormed in, hair practically on fire. Kuririn shimmied under the table. "WHERE IS THE LITTLE BALD FREAK, HE'S F*CKING DEAD, YOU HEAR ME! I'M TIRED OF THESE STUPID PEOPLE AND THIS STUPID PLANET!" A great deal of tomato sauce was liberally splatered all over his body, a cheese grater was stuck to his hair, and he resembled some sort of freakish horrible nightmare from beyond.
Gohan giggled. "Wow, you look st---st---stupid."
Vegeta glared horribly at him. "DO YOU WANT TO DIE IN ONE QUICK FLASH OF PAIN OR SHOULD I TAKE A COUPLE WEEKS!"
"How bout Kamehamedump st---stew."
Vegeta blinked, anger forgotten momentarilly. "What the hell are you talking about?"
"Stew...mmmm...uh-I'll k-kiiick your...your asess if you even try to hurt Kur...Kuririn---*hic*---what's cue ball gain?"
"*snort* Right. I don't know what happened to you, but you look too out of it to even focus chi."
Gohan started to clench a fist, and slipped to the floor, dragging a lot of the food with him. "Heehee---geuss n-not..."
Videl decided to just lie in her chair and pretend she wasn't there. She had absolutely no idea what they were talking about, why this always happened to her, who the hell the bald guy was, etc, and was very sure she didn't want to know. Then the baby started to cry again in her lap again, to add to all the fun.
"WAAAAAAAH WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!"
Hercule finally worked up some nerve, and squeaked, "Hey, you, your breaking my property, and I'll have to hurt you if-"
"SHUT UP YOU MORONIC FRAUDULANT WEAKLING LUMP OF ASS! YOU COULDN'T BEAT A DEAD HORSE! NOW WHERE'S THE BALD MORONIC WEAKLING!...fraudulant...I like that..."
"WAAAAAH WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!"
Bulma stood up and pointed a deadly finger. "Now that's enough. Just calm down, calm down. I'm sure whatever it was, it was an accident."
"WAAAAAAAH WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!"
"....All right, fine. I'm calm now. But why the hell did that stupid fool have to leave all those cars-!"
Bulma soothingly stroked his arm, and the popped veins retracted off his forehead. "There there, it's ok Vegeta. Now, why don't you go back home and go finish that new level of training I made for you."
"*grumble* ok fine."
"Shh shhh"
He sighed and closed his eyes. Bulma smiled, another disaster averted by her own sheer brilliance. What WOULD these people do without her.
Then Kuririn cheerfully crawled out of his hiding spot. "W-w-well, glad to see you calmed do***ARGHPH*"
Two bulging hands picked him up by the scruff of his neck. "YOU'RE GOING TO DIE!! DIE, YOU HEAR ME, DIIIIEEEE!!! FIRST I'LL RIP YOUR ARMS OUT OF YOUR SOCKETS AND STUFF THEM DOWN YOUR THROAT! THEN I'LL TAKE THIS CHEESE GRATER AND-"
"WAAAAAAAAAH WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" screamed the baby and Kuririn simultaneously.
"VEGETA! THAT'S IT, NO MATING FOR A WEEK! TWO WEEKS IF YOU HURT HIM, THE REST OF ETERNITY IF YOU KILL HIM!"
"BUT-"
"NO!"
"HE-!"
"NO!"
"GRRRRRRR! Baldy, you'll pay DEARLY for this one day!"
"*guuuulp* *SQUEAK* s-s-sorry V-v-v-v-v-v-veg-g-g-geta!"
"WAAAAAAAAAAAH WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"
Hercule paled further, "Vegeta? Where've I seen-?"
Vegeta whirled around, "You, that mate-girl of Kakarot II's, will you shut that WHELP OF YOURS UP!"
"WHELP? OF MINE? IT'S A....Kakarot II?"
"WWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"The boy, stupid!"
"MATE--girl?!?! OF GOHAN'S!?!?!?!?! *deep breath*-"
"WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...*burp*"
Silence.
Bulma gasped, "Oh no...you're here...Vegeta's here....WHO THE HELL'S WATCHING THE BABY!"
Kuririn ventured, "Probably your father."
"OH MY GOD! You trusted my DAD? HE MIGHT ALREADY HAVE-! VEGETA, YOU AND KURIRIN ARE GOING BACK TO THE HOUSE IMMEDIATELY, AND YOU BETTER PRAY, FOR YOUR OWN SAKES, THAT TRUNKS HASN'T DESTROYED IT!"
Vegeta snarled and blasted back out through a new hole in the wall, and Kuririn sheepishly strained to fly after him.
Bulma turned to the wreck that remained of the dinner table, Gohan lying on the floor grinning stupidly, Hercule trembling under a chair, and Videl trying very hard to not break many priceless objects that hadn't already been broken.
"I'm sorry....my husband has a bit of a temper sometimes...."
"*hic*"
"*whimper*"
"*teeth-grind*"
"I'll pay for any damages done tonight."
"*hic*"
"....."
*teeth-grind*
Hercule was now staring at Gohan with a look of dawning, huge-eyed, animal-level terror. "No, it's not....not...but his hair....but they can change their hair....but.... OH GOD PLEASE, SPARE MY DAUGHTER! PLEASE! TAKE ME INSTEAD! YOU CAN---CAN--!"
"Tear *belch* it hotter?"
"Dad, what ARE you talking about?"
"HE....BUT...THAT'S...."
Bulma snapped sharply, "Mr. Satan, I think all the excitement's gotten to you. Gohan's done nothing mean to your daughter. Videl, could you show Gohan to my car, I think I should take him home with me."
Videl jumped to it, eager to get the hell out of the room. "Sure thing. Come on Gohan, can you stand up?"
"*hic* Sure, one sssec." Slipping his feet ungracefully under him, he slowly wobbled his way into a standing position. The two managed to get out of the room while Bulma attempted to calm down and soothe the hysterical world champion.
"Mai, I don't like this. This brings back bad memmories!"
"Be quiet Shao. We don't want to wake the whole house, do we?"
"But Mai! Every time we EVER do something like this, something bad happens, and one of us screws up!"
"I'm not disagreeing with you, stupid, just talk QUIETER!"
"....oh....ok...."
Shao fidgeted in his usual Ninja Garb. "Hey, uh Mai."
"YES, Shao?"
"How're we getting in there, anyway? This is the Capsule Corporation, god knows what security they have.""
"Don't worry. Now, here's the plan. We send you under the laser fence, and have you use a mirror to retract the light away so I can get in. Then we cut across the lawn to the security post, where we can shut down at least half of the perimeter unheard. When we get inside, we knock out the security cameras with these special grenades that we copied from Metal Gear Solid 2, and drill a hole to-"
"Hey Mai?"
She sighed, her partner was never any good at understanding these things. "What now?"
"Why don't we just climb into the kitchen through that huge hole in front of us?"
*blink* She hadn't noticed, but the wall they were facing was mostly destroyed, and laid an easy to follow path directly to their destination. "Oh....yeah sure."
They easily climed to the second floor, and crept through as silently as possible.
"Mai, why is there spaghetti everywhere?"
"Don't ask, don't speak, it's a good policy Shao."
"But what about the bucket of shredded cheese over there-"
"SHAO. SHUT. UP."
Videl sighed, this wasn'te exactly what she envisioned when she first thought about bringing a boy to her house. It was like some unholy god of somewhat hilarious disaster decided to start stalking her. But somehow, some part in her, perhaps the childish part, was enjoying every minute of it. The random arguments, esxplosions, craziness, and unpredictability seemed to fit her well, and for some reason, Gohan attracted trouble like a high voltage magnet attracts sheet metal.
But after losing him twice and having to bring him down from a flagpole after merely fifteen minutes since leaving the dining room, even her childish half was getting tired.
Speaking of which, he decided right then to trip for the fourth time that evening, and knocked over a porcelain statue. She sighed and started dragging him by an arm. "I swear Gohan, you really are a massive pain in the ass."
"mmm, sorr--sorry, thanks!"
He clung to her arm, and if it weren't for the fact that he looked like an oversized six-year old with a teddy-bear, she might have been freaked out. But she simply sighed and dragged onward, marveling at his ability to snag himself in the oddest places.
After a long and slow journey, they finally reached the car. Videl sighed, "Ok Gohan, we're here. I'll meet you tomorrow at the park and we'll go to your house. I geuss I'll take the baby tonight, since your drunk as hell. I swear, if ANYONE else had caused all this trouble, ANY other guy..."
"K. MEet you at the baby, you're taking the park. Look at the....the orange *hic* flying Piccolo-san!"
"....right. Come on Gohan, go get in the car now."
"Can you see...see him?"
"Gohan, let's play the quiet game. I'll time you and see if you can beat my record of 2 days!"
"Uh...OK!"
"Great! Now, go get in the car!"
No movement.
"Gohan, get in the CAR."
*chirp chirp*
"GOHAN----CAR----NOW----I SWEAR, IF ANYONE SEES THIS-"
*sad bambi-eyed frown*
Videl clenched her teeth, "Gohan, you have the soul of an THREE-year old, don't DO this to me."
"*sad bambi-eyed frown*"
"*sigh* I'll WALK you to the car, how's that sound."
*smile*
"GOOD, GLAD YOUR HAPPY! WHEE, WHAT A FUN NIGHT THIS HAS BEEN! WHAT ELSE COULD POSSIBLY HAPPEN NOW!?!"
She stumbled with Gohan down to Bulma's parked hovercar in the dark parking lot. She actually began to appreciate the extra weight, since it WAS cold out. Gohan still seemed to see various flying dinasours that she couldn't, but she figured that since he probbly had an alcohol-test rating of about .8, that wouldn't be unusual.
"Ok Gohan, now, come on, let go of my arm, I'll help you get in your seat."
"K. Uh oops...lost the game...oh well." With one arm he managed a bone-crushing hug. "g'night! *hic*"
"GOHAN...RIBS...CAN'T...AIR...BREATHE..."
"Sorry...*hic*...heee." The arm dropped.
Videl smiled despite herself, "Ow....ok ok, now then-"
"*TARZAN HOWL* AAAAAAAAAIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!!!! HOLD IT RIIIIIGHT THEEERRRREEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
A figure sailed out of the second story window and landed on top of the car, whereupon she flipped and landed in front of the two, quickly adjusting her Sailor Moon outfit. "I will NOT ALLOW THIS ATROCITY TO TAKE PLACE! RAAAAAWWWRRRR!!!!"
"*hic* that....that's a funny trick'r'treat costume..."
Videl's eyes narrowed in incredulous disbelief. "Ann?!"
"HA HA! HA HAAA HA HA!"
To Be Continued
P.S. I'll be gone for about a week starting today, (Off to North DAKOTA! THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE! KICK ASS!), but I'll be back and around soon! Ja ne!
