PMS
After a rough semester at Hogwarts, Remus Lupin is going through the joys of motherhood, yes you heard me right. MOTHERHOOD! If the school is shocked by the revelation, imagine when they found out who the Daddy is… American Werewolves, Microphone ovens and angst abound. AU Book 3 ½ Spoilers for the Prisoner of Azkaban
Lesson 1: Never Give a Werewolf a Teddy Bear
The problem didn't really become noticeable for the first few weeks. Sure he was thin, but he had always been that way, he'd also always had a sad air about him. With his dog completely gone he just seemed to fade into a melancholy.
Three weeks into class, Lupin didn't even bother to leave the thing in his room. He walked into the Defense Against the Dark Arts, class with his little "friend" Kameron, the stuffed panda.
Kameron (with a K, that stood for Katherine, Professor Lupin's Mother) had his name carefully embroidered into his little neatly stitched shirt which Lupin had made for him. Harry recognized it as one of those cutesy Beanie Weenies or whatever they were. He was an average glass eyed panda, of course a little dirty from Lupin carrying him around everywhere. He was also a muggle thing, meaning he was entirely mundane and made of cotton. If he had been a magic charm or something perhaps it would make sense for a wizard to have such a thing. Maybe it had wolfsbane stuffing in it or some kind of Catnip. But it was made of nothing but polyester and plastic.
"Isn't it a marvelous day? Good Afternoon Class."
"Good Afternoon Professor Lupin."
"Say hello Kameron."
He waved the bear's arm.
The befuddled students looked at each other "Hullo Kameron."
The students looked worried. They loved their DaDA teacher; he was a caring, considerate and patient man. It befuddled them to see such a pillar of their community talking to a stuffed panda. He still was a good teacher. They were far ahead in the syllabus and most of them had gotten B's or greater on the last essay. They were taking a week to learn about Oriental Goblins, with permission from the Board of Governors. Apparently Remus Lupin had published a book over the summer on the subject. They were all very interested already.
"Mr. Weasely, if you'd be so kind, Kameron would like to sit on your desk. So I can keep an eye on him."
Ron Weasely gulped "Me?"
Professor Lupin smiled and pet the stuffed toy "Oh yes. Daddum's widdle boy gets in all kinds of twouble." He delicately set Kameron on the desk. "Oh I think he likes you Mister Weasely."
"Crackers." Weasely said smiling worriedly.
Harry Potter also seemed to have a smile of mixed dread.
Professor Lupin laid the panda on his back.
"I think he's going to take a nap. Shhh." He held his finger to his lips. "Kamewon weren't like when hims Daddy dalks and dalks. No no no. Daddy dalks awot." Professor Lupin said his voice deep and lispy, his own brand of baby talk.
"Now we will be discussing the Tanuki and Kitsune shapeshifter demons, and tomorrow we'll begin the chapter on The Tengu Mountain Ogre. Peaches and slugs will be generously provided out of the leftovers in the Potions class."
"Uggg." The class let out a collective shrug.
"Now class, whatever works against the dark arts. Once a child was able to scare a 4000 pound chu lin with a five colored string. So we must become more multi-culturally diverse in our discourse."
"Now." He pulled down a picture of a huge 6-foot tall raccoon. It was a magical photograph. The creature waved and sat down on his bum yawning. "This creature is the Tanuki, in its original form."
"The Tanuki is not necessarily a subject to be covered in the Dark Arts. Like the Poltergeist it is only as dangerous as it is powerful. However it is much easier to appease…"
Hermione Granger scribbled her notes furiously.
"Now what does this fellow look like his weaknesses are?" He showed the picture
"Fish and chips by the look of that fat gut." Seamus shouted.
"Exactly. Tanuki are gluttonous animals. And once in modern times a Madoushi Wizard was able to get rid of one with a" Remus checked his notes " 'McDonald's Big Mac with an extra large order of fresh chips.' Some large muggle cheeseburger. I take it."
The class nodded.
"Traditionally, it likes sweets and fatty foods and is only drawn out of hiding when it smell something to eat. In legendary times it was sesame sugar rice balls. Trust me, I don't blame him. I could eat a boatload of those things." The class laughed.
"The Tanuki uses a lot of energy to transform and their high fat diet provides them with the energy reserves to shape shift and maintain an unnatural form for a period of up to ten years."
"Ten Years?"
"They are the masters of Shape shifting. The Bogart for example, is a creature that can only maintain his shape for around 10 minutes. The English Werewolf maintains its shape for 12 to 15 hours. Tanuki will only change back when they bloody well feel like it. Bribery and Flattery always work. I met three Tanukis abroad. They are very odd and powerful creatures. Their only rival in the field of shape shifting is the Fox Spirit Kitsune. One was rumored to stay in the shape of a young woman for 26 years. She got married and had four children."
Draco yawned and some of the Slytherins began doodling. They had no interest in learning about the other kinds of creatures.
"Would an ice cream sundae work?" Harry said.
"What about a big chocolate cake?" Hermione said.
"Yes. The point is, if you do come across one, be nice or it may rip off your head. For those studying abroad, this is invaluable. Often Madoushi are at the mercy of these creatures if you will."
"Sounds like a few werewolves I know."
"In the East there is greater acceptance of Shape shifters. While the werewolf power is a Pandemic or a disease-like phenomena, the power of the Tanuki and Kitsune is genetic."
"This is great stuff." Ron said.
"Yeah." Harry said "Really neat."
It appeared Professor Lupin was up to his usual snuff. Being the coolest and most interesting teacher in the curriculum.
Ron nudged Kameron and he toppled off of the desk.
"What are you doing?"
"What? Whoops."
"Kameron is a sensitive, loving creature, not to be knocked about by silly, clumsy...."
"Yah, I'm sorry Professor Lupin." Ron picked up the teddy dusted him off and-
"Put him down."
Lupin's ruddy hair began to bristle up off his skin. In a flash, his robes seemed to detach from his body. The class ducked under their seats. His normally friendly eyes were swishing in his head. He looked as if he were 50 pounds heavier and three inches taller.
Everyone gasped at the fearsome appearance of Lupin.
Ron gulped and cowered.
Lupin grabbed the bear and brought it to his chest. He returned back to his normal appearance. Kind, sweet, large eyed professor Lupin.
"I cannot believe your shocking behavior, Mr. Weasley. I'm tempted to warn you, ill mannered and careless children deserve their House Cup points taken away." His voice became icy.
"What?"
Lupin taking away points for no reason? This was insane. Next McGonagall would cancel Transfiguration for the Beltane Festival at Giants Dance and dance around a maypole with Professor Trelawney. Snape would be cheering for Gryffindor to win the Quidditch Cup. Neville Longbottom would get an owl in potions. Hermione's mouth would shut.
"Well…" Lupin caught his breath. "I suppose… but you should apologize to him, not me."
"What?"
"Go on."
"But he's a…"
"Ron, do it. Lupin is out of sorts today."
"Well?" Lupin said.
"It can't hear me." Ron said.
"Do it, Ron." Hermione said.
Ron Weasely. I swear, don't test me." Lupin lowered one eyebrow in a very disturbing voice.
"Sorry, Kameron." Ron said.
"Well, if you can't imagine an honest apology, 10 points from Gryffindor. Let's see how you like that."
Lupin walked to the back of the classroom
"Oh, my precious. Don't be scared. I'll take you away from the nasty…"
Harry stood up "Professor Lupin what about our lesson."
"In a minute, Potter. Can't you see I have other manners to attend?" Lupin cut him off.
Harry was taken aback. He was left standing there as Lupin left the class fretting over his teddy bear.
"I can't handle this. It's impossible. How am I supposed to cope…" Lupin left on the verge of tears, "I can't do it alone…"
***
After the class Ron Weasely was approached by well everyone, who glared at him. Ron looked helplessly as the girls began cawing at him.
"Ron, what did you do to make him cry?" Parvati frowned.
Hermione pinched his arm "Whatever you did, how dare you!"
"I didn't do anything."
Draco left the class shaking his head. "Lookit that. He's falling apart. Gone Crackers. Loopy. I guess they don't call him Mooney for nothing. Regular loopin' idiot." Draco said.
"Oh shut your mouth, Draco. Professor Lupin has been looking off color. Maybe he's sick." Harry said worriedly.
"I could have told you that." Draco said.
"Well some people are naturally nice, you know. And they have bad days."
"Well he's about three semesters of Bad Days at that."
"He wouldn't just crack, He's Remus Lupin." Harry was puzzled himself. "He's a great teacher." Harry had come to respect and admire this teacher.
"Well it is that time of the month…" Hermione said.
"Oh, right." Lavender Brown said. The girls nodded "Leave him alone with his teddy. He just needs a few chocolate frogs and a hot bath."
The girls in the class agreed that some combination of chocolate, warm water and utter isolation was the best cure for "that time of the month."
"He's certainly has got nasty P.M.S. this time around." Seamus shook his head
"P.M.S. Men can't get that." Harry said. "My aunt gets it enough. She becomes a terror and starts clipping coupons and writing nasty letters."
"Well he's a werewolf." Ron looking puzzled, "How could he avoid it?"
"P.M.S. is the magical term for Pre-Moon-Senstivity." Hermione said "It is also the muggle term for Pre or Post Menstrual Syndrome."
"Wazzat?" Ron said
"Remember when Hermione closed the book on your nose for making that dumb elf joke and refused to go to Hogsmeade because she looked fat…"
"Ohhhhh."
Hermione pinched Harry. "That's none of your business."
"Ouch. I was only kidding."
****
Hagrid saw the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor and his teddy bear companion.
"Oh, Hello, Professor Lupin. Hello, Kameron. You look fine in nice blue sweater."
"Hello, Hagrid."
"I just have to say, this book is bloody brilliant." Hagrid smacked the cover, "Yeh'd make a good master of Magical Creatures. I learned all kinda things I din' even know of Kitsune. Thought I was an expert."
Lupin smiled, and mocked playfully "I think you like it so much because you were in the Bibliography."
"Oh, well. I was? Fancy that. "First hand interview with Rubeus Hagrid." Ha. I didn't even notice, it sounded so smart like."
"You know more than you give yourself credit. And you're very clever about dealing with all kinds of people and animals."
"Iori's the first Tanuki who I ever met, up in London. Goes to show it pays to buy extra cheeseburgers for Japanese strangers."
"Your friend was very helpful. You should see his impersonation of you."
"Oh ye flatter me. I ain't no Tanuki but you're right in my book." Hagrid clapped him on the shoulder. Remus coughed and pulled himself up again.
"Say you look a bit green around the gills. You alright?"
"I am in excellent health."
"Well don't hesitate if you get a little queasy and rundown from the PMS. Me mum said that the best remedy is rabbit."
"A rabbit?"
"Bigger the better." Hagrid said, "That'll set you right. Moon creatures, rabbits are. They got special energy er somethin'."
****
"Professor McGonagall?"
"Yes." She looked up from her paper work.
Harry, Hermione and Ron crept into the room.
"It's about Professor Lupin. We're worried about him." Harry said.
"If it's about Ron Weasley's ten points…" McGonagall closed the discussion.
"No. We aren't mad."
"Well Lupin never takes off points and he gave no reason. Why did Professor Lupin take off points?"
"He didn't apologize to Kameron." Hermione said.
"Kameron? Who is Kameron?" McGonagall said.
"His teddy bear."
"Teddy… bear?"
"How could I apologize to a teddy bear?" Ron said. "And I said I was sorry."
"I see. Is it a panda bear?"
"Yeah. One with his name on his shirt."
"I've seen him carry it around. I thought he had charmed it or something.
"Well he bought it from that weird muggle who got lost in Hogsmeade, actually."
Fred and George had bought thirteen talking muggle battery powered griffin dolls. These "Furbies" supposedly learned how to speak by listening to their owners. They had planned to teach them to say off color remarks about all of their teachers. Of course the anti-technology charms around Hogwarts caused them to stop working. So of late they had been throwing them off the North Tower into the moat to see if they floated. The twins didn't understand the concept of "batteries" and "not annoying", so of course they loved them very much. They intended to charm a teddy bear to do the same thing and sell it in their joke shop.
**
The teddy bear sat on the table outside of the third floor Faculty Lavoratory.
Draco looked at Crabbe and Goyle.
"Oh, the Loopin' Werewolf forgot his teddy poo."
Hermione, Parvatti and three other girls from Ravenclaw looked in horror.
"Draco, put the teddy down."
"Look at me, I'm such a ponce I have to carry a teddy." Draco sucked his thumb "What a pathetic werewolf I am."
"Draco."
"Professor Lupin is going to get back here."
Ginny Weasely walked into the dungeon whistling.
Snape's raven, Caius, bristled. He was a scrawny bluish bird who scratched at itself too much.
"Miss Weasely. My dear…"
"Oh Caius." Ginny smiled. The bird popped right on her wrist and up her arm
"Say Ginny. Ginny Ginny."
"Ginny." The raven croaked.
"Good.
"Ginny. RAaaat."
"It's not a rat. It's a frozen lizard."
He gnawed on the tail. Caius hopped on Ginny's shoulder.
"Oh leave it alone, Ginny."
"Yeah Snape will gut you. I wouldn't muck about with anything that belongs to him. Stupid bird." Fred said.
"He's a smart bird." Ginny said.
"Fredageorge. Notagain. 30 points from Gry-hin-dor." Caius shook his head.
"I'd like to see Errol go at that old thing. He'd peck it apart." George said.
"Creepy Ravens. Everyone knows owls are better. Only weirdos and villains have ravens. Looks like him." Fred smiled, "Yeah, Does look like the old gargoyle with that beak. Same nose."
"Oi, I'm Snape's baby." George cawed.
Caius bristled. He stood stock tall and flew across the room.
And of course Snape was there to hear everything. Caius attempted to land on his head. Snape held up his wrist and Caius landed there."
"Miss Weasely. Good to see you again, my dear."
"Hi Professor Snape."
Caius spoke from Snape's wrist "Sev-ah-rus." He grabbed at a bit of Snape's hair.
"You're full. I'm not giving you any more. Get out of my hair."
"I do suggest you keep him off your shoulder. Birds of prey are always carried on the wrist. The only reason a creature would do such a thing is for easier access to the eyes."
"But Caius doesn't go for your eyes."
"He likes bones." Snape said. "Snapping them in half. A raven like Caius can snap a screwdriver in half with one bite."
Caius snapped at Fred, as if he remembered the boy had said ravens were stupid and creepy.
"Raat."
"Yes. He really used to like house mice. But seeing as there is a 2 to one ratio of owls, none get down here."
Ginny smiled and pet his head. "How old is he? Is he a hundred?"
"The Great Ravens of the world live excruciatingly long. But considering it is Caius, I'm surprised he didn't pop off last year."
"I heard in the Care of Magical Creature they could outlive a wizard." Ginny said.
"Was there anything you wanted Miss Weasely?"
"I just wanted to thank you for your help on my Werewolf Killing Paper. I got an A."
"Oh." A wicked grin slipped across his face. The effect of Snape's malevolent and smug smirk was lost as Caius tried to preen him and searched his pockets for food.
"I don't think I could really do all those things I was talking about." Ginny said, "But I can always pretend."
It had been an odd thing. Snape was walking around the library, to find Ginny Weasely pouring over tomes of Werewolf lore, hopeless and on the verge of tears. Immediately when she said her Defense Against the Dark Arts grades would fall and Professor Lupin would give her another C. Snape appeared and offered to help her write her essay. Course Professor Snape was so quiet, and being the shy type (kind of like her) she didn't make a big fuss about it."
"Well, it was my pleasure. We don't want to disappoint Mr. Lupin." He got a secret smile on his face. "No we don't want to upset him."
"I won't tell anybody. I know you don't like to be bothered by a bunch of kids like us. But it was nice. I'd bet you'd be just as good Lupin."
"Yes, Miss Weasely."
"Well, they are not making you Dark Arts… I mean Defense against Dark Arts. You're a good teacher and you don't let people blow up themselves."
"I've got to get to studies now. I have to go to Arithmancy."
"Take care, Miss Weasely."
"Ginny." Caius piped.
"Where'd he pick up that?"
"Ginny Weasely. Nice to see you." Caius sang.
"He's funny."
"Virginia… Only the good die young."
"That is quite enough." Snape rolled his eyes.
"I'll see you soon, professor."
"You probably think I'm growing soft. It was rather funny. Watching Lupin…"
Caius hopped down, "Ginny Nice to see you, my dear."
"Well, she's not all bad. None of her brother's faults have seeped into her brain. Perhaps some common sense can be weeded out. Hmm. Like iron in a silver crucible. It would be easier to turn lead into gold than a Weasely into a proper sorceress."
Caius bit his hair again.
"I told you stop."
*****
Lesson 2: Nuclear Power kills just about anything
(Flashback)
It was the first weekend of the new spring semester. Remus Lupin walked. His entire body pale with worry. He had been skinny. Apparently some vicious form of flu or bulimia caused him to spend hours in his bathroom.
He arrived at class a little earlier today. No one saw him enter the classroom.
"At last we've come to the part of the curriculum that might try all of us a little harder."
"Lythcanthropus Umbrus. The Werewolf."
He turned on his magical lantern projector.
"The Werewolf."
"We studied them already with Snape."
"Well, Miss Granger did have the fortunate practical experience of detecting one."
"Now, just to test the waters. Does anyone know ways to kill a werewolf?"
"Mr. Jordan."
"Nuclear Power."
The Professor was stunned silent.
"Pardon."
"It was in a movie I saw once when I was on break. See, because me mum was at the hairdressers and getting her weave put it and her braids tightened; she likes how the Muggle shop does it better then the Magic salon. So I went to this movie. And they blew the werewolf up with a nuclear warhead, on account of the bullets didn't work."
"Nuclear power," Lupin said shaking his head "Okay, we'll put that on the board"
"Silver bullets," Parvati nodded.
Remus smiled "Yes Silver Bullets." He wrote the suggestion on the board over top of nuclear power.
"Professor Lupin, would it be possible that all sharp silver things would hurt a werewolf. Like knives and elf arrows?" Harry asked.
"Excellent deduction. According to the studies of the Werewolf slayer Lowry Grizzlby-Berringtion, [1] any sharp silver instrument when in contact with the werewolf's blood will also kill a werewolf. That is because their bodies have a silver antibody in their blood, which causes it to coagulate and burst the blood vessels. A similar effect in humans is the Rh bloodtype."
"Blood type?"
Harry looked up from his notes, "See when a baby is born and it has RH+ with the antibody and with RH- blood it makes the blood go bad."
Hermione raised her quill to correct him "Not exactly but…"
"But the right idea." Lupin gently cut Hermione off. "Much the same reason elves have green copper blood for the iron poisoning. If you were to inject even as trace an amount as small as 3 micro liters of silver nitrate into a werewolf, and instantaneous effects will take place. It would send the werewolf into a coma. 5 micro liters produce instantaneous peritonitis with a mortality of less than twenty-four hours. 10 produces instantaneous death."
The class shifted uncomfortably at the gory details of werewolf slaying, which Professor Lupin spelled out so carefully. Draco, who was a rather queasy boy, looked like he was going to whoops his cookies all over the floor as Lupin continued the lurid and gory details.
McGonagall, Flitwick and Dumbledore stood outside the class.
"My word. He's certainly being obliging."
"Quite thorough."
"I didn't think he would jump into Werewolf slaying on the first day."
"That's how we did it in the old days. Course, there were less Animagus about in the world."
"He is certainly dedicated."
"There hasn't been experimentation on werewolves since the War. I wonder where he found that."
****
While Nuclear explosions on the whole would secure the immediate destruction of a werewolf, the research does not indicate that it is the most effective means… after all not only would it kill the werewolf but everyone in the building. Besides the resulting mutations of insects and worms (see Attack of the Killer Grasshopper)…
Remus was utterly astounded at the fact that the boy had used appropriate MLA (Magical Lore Attribution) format in referring to a long string of bad Muggle Monster Movies. He had done his research. He looked at the rest of it that meandered about silver and bits regurgitated from his lecture. His writing style was improving, and he could trust the boy would know what to do. Remus gave it a grudging C+ and writing a short note in the margin reminding Jordan to stop quoting monster movies and start quoting the course and library materials.
Remus Lupin sat on curled up on his couch.
"The application of silver with the chemical atomic weight of, the moon element metal to the ancient peoples, is vital in the slaying of a werewolf.
Remus was tempted to check the spelling. Flawless of course. He felt his eyes glaze over. It was like 7th year arithmancy text. The sheer power it took to power Hermione Granger's mind always astounded him.
"It is necessary to catch the werewolf unawares. Appropriate cover so as to disguise one…"
Remus was about to give it an A and not read the rest of it.
Ron Weasley's paper had a thing that shocked him
"See one time Once there was a man, Devon Weasely-Pokeberry, who actually ended up killing a werewolf by accident at a dinner party. It turned out that One of the people at the dinner was a werewolf. He hadn't told anyone and he was new to the area. He didn't know that they had silverware at the party. So sometime passed and he continued eating."
Remus stirred his coffee.
"The werewolf was telling told a knock knock joke and took a last bite of Starberry tart with a big silver desert spoon and collapsed dead as a doornail at his plate. The only way they figured this out was because of the rash on his fingers. This displays how sensitive werewolves are to silver. And it teaches you not to talk while eating desert."
Remus looked at the spoon and put it aside. He'd have to ask the staff if they used real silver. He certainly wasn't picking up any foreign spoons ever again.
Harry Potter's essay much like Potter was right next to Weasley's
Werewolves' sensitivity to silver is legendary in both Muggle folklore and magical research. The chemical silver antibodies are deadly to them. Even the slightest cut could kill them.
Normally the werewolves are registered with the Loyal Order of Law-abiding Lycanthropes International Party of the People, or the L.O.L.L.I.P.O.P party.
Full-grown werewolves are some of the most dangerous creatures on the planet. With the speed and ferocity of a wolf and the cunning and cruelty of a human being they are often troubled and tormented by their disease. Stress-based disorders are higher amoung werewolves. The primary neurological disorder is Lycanthropus Nervosa. Wolf Delusions.
Harry was probably sensitive to his audience and tried to wrap up the business at hand. He could give him a higher grade but he wandered from the topic. He knew Harry could easily survive a werewolf. In fact he had. But he didn't want to favor the boy. He laboured over the essay, trying to think of some fair mark.
Draco Malfoy's paper lay on the top. Perhaps he should have read it first.
The werewolves in our country are some of the most disgusting and loathsome creatures on the planet. Their disease causes their minds to rot and twist into a hateful and violent creature. It is no wonder that Muggle legends paint them so loathsome and frightening. The practitioner of magic does not need worry about them killing us, for we have the power to get them first. The true menace is indeed their infiltration of polite magical society. Lycanthropy has been linked to other loathsome and degenerate behaviors as lasciviousness, crime and drug addiction. Werewolves are often found in the inner cities where such loathsome afflictions can be passed around through uncivilized behaviors.
Remus knew he should curb his own temper and judge the paper by its merit. Yet the tint of old monied prejudices tainted all its words. He couldn't take off points for his opinions. This was Defense Against the Dark Arts, not History and Politics of Magic.
Remus picked up the next paper.
"The trick of getting a werewolf is all in the timing. But a werewolf can be caught at anytime. The nature remains the same. A drastic and desperate person who needed to kill a werewolf would not wait until the time came too late. If I were to kill a werewolf for whatever reason I had to, I would catch it unawares. While the Werewolf has very good hearing, his sense of smell deteriorates with moon cycles. So if he were to be preoccupied say reading or listening to music.
Remus wiped his brow.
Severus Snape had come upon the young Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. What was normally the tedious task of delivering the Wolfsbane, ("Dumbledore's Delight" indeed) might actually be fun this time. He crept behind the wall.
He sat hunched over the scroll transfixed.
It could be possible to get around his sense of smell. Sneak into his room and wait. That way only a little cover would be needed. You could even hide behind the wall. So that you could catch the werewolf--"
"Booo."
Remus Lupin jumped from his couch.
"Yikes! Don't cut me."
Severus Snape came in.
"Hello. Your Wolfsbane, Professor Lupin." Snape said as he breezed in, placing it on the table.
"No cheery thank you. No meaningless chatter. How's the lesson going?"
Remus stared at him "Good afternooooon Snape." Remus Lupin was a quiet enough chap but he could make the word noon sound as bitter and sarcastic as any insult.
"Just reading Ginny Weasley's essay. I'm going to have nightmares."
"The curriculum is taxing." Severus Snape said, "To cover a topic as broad as Lycanthropy. I've certainly been reading up on the subject. The habits and behaviors of the English werewolf are marvelously fascinating. Rather reasonable and elegant in some respects in others a complete mystery." Snape said, "It has been easier to just kill them off then to begin to understand them. People are the bothersome animals." Snape said.
Was this the beginnings of a civil conversation? Professor Lupin sat up.
"I've been reading as much as I can on the subject. Really fascinating. I can offer you some new supplemental-"
"The curriculum at Hogwarts is the protection of young witches and wizards. They must know how to kill a fully grown werewolf."
"I thought you'd chicken out as it were. Here you are reading the essays about how everyone really hates you and doesn't like you after all. I even heard you made Draco Malfoy queasy."
"The Dark Arts should make people nervous." Lupin checked the paper with an excellent. Ginny Weasely certainly deserved her A.
"I swore you were going to give some friendly new age humane hippy-dippy way to treat werewolves. Like wolfsbane, or giving them a biscuit. Oh, eat this child, you pretty little werewolf, we don't need it that much."
"There are designated days for the lessons. Dumbledore has insisted on a full lesson in cloistering and cornering a werewolf. Also, if muggles should come in contact, abominations-- "
"You're a bit of loony Mr. Lupin."
"Tell me, Snape, would you ever give a class in how to stop a death eater?"
"Well, I…" Snape was cut off in his thought. Lupin smiled.
"We're a dangerous breed if you look at essays or books or ask people. We're very dangerous."
Snape turned around.
"Yes we are. But that means so little. In the end it doesn't matter how you got the mark. But it's there."
He itched his arm.
"Don't read too deep into these. Ginny Weasely couldn't hurt a fly. And I'm sure Lee Jordan isn't going to drop an automatic bomb."
"Atomic."
"Right. Enjoy your wolf's bane."
Snape walked out with the priceless expression of Lupin tossing up his papers and cowering in fear. Snape was absolutely sure he loved being a bastard sometimes. He'd have to tutor students much more often.
[1] Go L Squared.
