Lesson 7: Don't yell at a Pregnant Werewolf!

*******

A group of long black trucks arrived at the gates of Hogwarts.  They weren't the usual trucks but all covered up.  Sports Utility Vehicles.  People began piling out of them.

            "Are they muggles?"

            "They couldn't find the school then."

            A tall man with obsidian hair and beard came out.  He was huge.  But despite this his skin was deathly white.  A lean teenager approaching from the big truck who could have been a seventh year at Hogwarts was black. Even darker skinned that Alicia.  He wore dark glasses. 

            The black man nodded, looking up.  He clasped the big pale guy's hand and bowed slightly.  Most of the other werewolves seemed to bow to him too.  They all seemed to know him.

            "Chief."
            "Lukas, How's England treating you?"

            "Alright.  Pizza sucks.  But other than that I like London.  Better than Paris."

            Meanwhile the teachers were looking out the windows as well.

            "My god.  Look at all of them.  How many Werewolves does America have?"

            "Enough."

            The tall pale werewolf approached the headmaster.     

            "Mr. Dumbledore."

            "Welcome to Hogwarts, Mr. Grieves."

            The tall werewolf laughed.

            He shook McGonagall's hand roughly.  "This is Lukas Lykus, my attendant, my mate…"

            Harry worked his way down.

            "Who are you?"

            "Oh, well, we're representatives of the Loyal Order of Law-abiding Lycanthropes International Party Of the People."

            Harry nodded, "Are you all werewolves or just friends?"

            Lukas, the black werewolf nodded "Oh, trust us, they all can't be werewolves or how'd we get anything done on the full moon.  But I am."

            "I guess.  My name is Harry Potter."

            Fen Grieves gasped "The Harry Potter.  Well it is an honor to meet you, young man."

            Lukas shook his hand, "You da bomb, man."

            "Lupe, get a picture. It's Harry Potter."

            A woman with long black hair jumped out of nowhere and snapped his picture.

            "Don't be shy, Potter."

            "I couldn't." Harry was reeling from the flash.

            "I'll add it to my scrap book.

            "Why are we taking a picture of him?" she asked in a light Texan accent.

            "He killed the dark wizard, Voldemort."

            "He's just a little kid." She smiled.  Lupe seemed so little next to dark Lukas and the tall, pale Mr. Grieves.  "Lukas, you can go now.  Go explore."

            "Okay, Mrs. Grieves."

            "Harry, this is my mate, Guadalupe Guarez-Grieves."

            "Hello.  It's good to finally see where Fen grew up.  I didn't think there were this many wizards in the world."

            "You've never been around wizards?"

            "No.  I became a werewolf at twenty-six.  They call it being Enraptured.  I still say I got jumped.  I couldn't have believed this crap existed till I met Fen."

            "Old Hogwarts.  Did I ever tell you I almost got into Hogwarts?  The second they found out I was a werewolf they couldn't have that…"

            Lupe rolled her eyes.

            "Well, I went off to the Conservatory in Savannah…  Conservatory of White Arts.  Salutatorian, class of 1976."

            Lupe gasped and snapped a picture of Hagrid "Wow, is that a giant?"

            "Half…"

            "Wow.  I don't believe this.  Go on, Dude, smile."  Lupe began snapping photographs of Hagrid who only obliged the friendly American tourist.  The photos wouldn't develop anyway.

            "Is this alright?"

            "Make love to the camera, dahlink." Lupe snapped his photo.

            Mr. Grieves, Dumbledore and another blond lady walked off and the werewolves began to explore the castle, taking pictures, making elegant art historical analysis on the statuary and architecture, and all kinds of other touristy things.

            "Alright, you guys.  Don't interrupt.  It's time for classes.  I don't want to get in trouble 'cause you were making too much noise."

****

           Remus looked down the hall outside of the room they set him in.  A tall, blond woman with an old, soft face approaching the room.  She was much older than most of the werewolves he had seen.  Her eyes, of course, were bicolored.  Remus knew he shouldn't panic.  The woman entered the room, held out her hand.

            "Hello, Poppet.  No need to be shy. Me name's Calliope Lightfoot.  Mr. Grieves called me down to help."

            Remus sat down a little at ease.  This was certainly not the white coats from St. Mungo's.  They might actually listen to him.  He had to convince them all he was telling the truth.

            "We just have some questions to ask you."

            Remus sighed uncomfortably.

            "You believe you are pregnant? Am I right?"

            "Yes."

            "If you don't answer us all of 'em how are we going to know what to do?"

            "Oh yes," Remus said.  "I'll be happy to cooperate."

            "Well, your friends say that you've displaying odd behavior.

            "Well, why shouldn't I?"

            "Has yer magic been working?  Weird things coming up when yeh cast yer spells?"

            "I haven't been casting lately.  I don't know."

            "No, you look a little peaked, like you can't sleep.  You don't like you got much of an appetite on you.  You've got to keep up your strength.  Good hearty meals, more meat, I suggest."

            "So. Lessee here.  You got yourself a teddy bear.  Oh just like it.  I had a muggle friend give me a teddy bear when I was expecting my Gordon.[1]  I used to mother that thing.  I made it little clothes.  It was the most darling thing.  They threw it up in the trash.  But, well, Gordon came along soon after."

            "So it's not crazy to have a teddy?"

             "Werewolves all of us have very strong connections, very maternal instincts.  Even in the bucks like yourself.  That's why most Folklore says you shouldn't give a werewolf a teddy bear.  We get very attached."

            "I never even had a teddy.  I had a ball and my favorite stick.  But I didn't have any dolls.  I thought they just did that because they thought I would chew on them."

            "Dogs chew on teddies.  How could anyone hurt a cute little thing like that?"

            "All the nesting symptoms. Have you been dragging around anything like a blanket, moving about your furniture all of a sudden."

            "I moved my desk to the other side of the room.  I just feel this need to make room for the baby."

            "Yes."

            "Like, I don't know, like, I started clearing out my closets."

             Calliope paused.

            "Tell me if you've been having girl trouble, poppet."

            Remus looked down.

            "I won't tell anyone. It's none of their business." She nodded.

             "Perhaps the equivalent."

            "Ahh."

            "Is it your mate?"

            "I don't have a mate.  I …"

            "Come now."

            "I guess you call my lover that… but I—"

            "So there is a special someone, and they took up and stranded you?"

            "Yes, how did you know?"

            Calliope stopped writing down his responses "We only got a few more questions to go."

****

            Snape looked out the window down at the werewolves having a picnic in the sunny meadow. 

            "What is it with these American werewolves?  'Embrace your wolf.'  Makes me sick."  Vector said.

            "It works," Snape said coldly.  He stared down the older Professor  "They have much lower turn over rate as it were.  At least 75% fewer werewolf attacks.  Most of them end up working for the light.  At least two thirds."

            Snape pointed.  "Take Mr. Grieves. He was a top Auror in America.  He's going to be Minority Party leader in the next election."

            "Well, just because a few of them are good," Vector said.

            "He came a few years before Remus.  He didn't hide his lycanthropy.  He had to go to Savanah.  He's a peerless ally of light."

            "It helps to have a few werewolves on our side.  Help us crack the bad ones," Flitwick said.

            "Still I won't feel right till they are gone."

****

            "I never thought I'd be having lunch with Albus Dumbledore, in all honesty, sir." Fen smiled.

            "You embarrass me," Dumbledore said.

            "I wonder how my life would have changed if I hadn't gone State-side."

            Lupe rolled her eyes "Fen never got over the fact he couldn't come here for his schooling."  Lupe cut the meat on his plate.  "I might not know arithmancy from Aristotle, but he's explained it enough."

            "Yes, if there is one thing about England that you need to know, it's Hogwarts, the greatest wizard's school in the world."

            "Besides the horrible pizza," Lupe said.

            Dumbledore laughed,  "I only wish that I could have had the honor of graduating such an honorable student.  I was mortified at the Governor's decision."

            "Yes, but you were the Headmaster to change that.  Remus Lupin in 1978, Sam Gristle in 1987.  Fine Auror Gristle is."

            "Was he that guy who lived in Brooklyn? He's Sergeant to the Chief Auror of all New York," Lupe said.

            Dumbledore smiled , eager to listen to the tales of his successful alumni.  Until the door opened.

            Calliope walked into the room.  Lupe politely deferred getting up and offering her chair.  Calliope sat down. 

            "Please sit down, Mrs. Grieves," Flitwick said.

            "No I couldn't. Mrs. Lightfoot is talking." Lupe lowered her gaze

            "Oh yes.  Well if you feel more comfortable."

            Mrs. Lightfoot was a powerful old werewolf, clearly outranking any of the others in England.  She was Alpha female to several influential packs herself.  Fen Grieves moved aside for her and moved his chair down, bowing slightly.  As leader of the American Lollipop, they were almost equals, so they could sit at the same table.  It was bad manners to sit at a table a higher werewolf didn't invite you to sit at.

             Werewolf hierarchies were quite subtle, but very important.  They always waited for the host to eat.  They always stood up once a higher werewolf walked into the room, they would naturally bow their heads.  They always spoke in turn and in consensus.  It was hard to get an honest opinion from them. Of course the fact that they were all Americans balanced that out.  Calliope motioned Lupe to sit, and the woman returned to her chair, silently.

             Werewolf protocol was a little above the experience of most of the faculty, and they stared at Lupe's bizarre actions.

            "Well Mr. Grieves, Master Dumbledore.  I've been talking to Remus and it's clear to me his problem."

            "And that is?"

            "He is pregnant. Pass the potatoes, pet."

            Snape would have broken his fork.  Calliope took some food on her plate.

            "It's a rather advanced case." She finished after a bite of her lunch.

            "I'll say, isn't he rather, ah, bereft of the equipment?"

            "Oh not that kind of pregnant, Sparrow.  He had Hysterical Pregnancy."

             "Pardon?" Dumbledore asked.

            "It happens in werewolves about Mr. Lupin's age.  When families are settling down. The First children are being born. Werewolves are very sensitive creatures.  Now the moons have been running odd this year.  Right on top of the wolf mating season. If Remus were to go into season while he was in his other body… then it could start something like this.  That's usually what happens."

            "This has happened before?" Dumbledore tried to clarify.

             "Werewolf men get hysterical pregnancy all of the time." Fen said, "In werewolf couples husbands start acting pregnant before the wives do.  They are very close relationships.  We can only give our heart to one person."

            "But occasionally a girl, usually a Captured or someone without a magical background, will break up with her boyfriend. She'll be in her first heat and get confused.  Losing a mate is so painful anyway for our kind.  So they get confused, their hormones start misfiring.  Oh, it's scared so many boys.  Can you imagine it?  Your girlfriend saying she's pregnant. We've had 13 cases this year of acute hysterical pregnancy in London alone."

            "I still don't see it as quite sound.  A man can't get pregnant."

            "He's been through the wringer this year, from what he told me.  I'd start to think I was Napolean if it were to happen to me.  This won't last more than a month."

            "But it's ridiculous,"  Vector insisted.  "Men can't get pregnant. Be reasonable."

            Lupe glared at him, "Look that's why it's called Hysterical pregnancy.  Get with it."

             "Pureblood, right?" Fen chewed his beef.

            "I don't see how that has any bearing on this situation."  Vector looked shocked.

            "Oh, you Purebloods think werewolves are all growling and biting.  We have other problems," Calliope said.

            "So what will happen?  What should we do?"

"Remus will get over this.  The best way is to get him back into dating.  Of course, he won't want to. He'll start nesting soon.  Give him plenty to eat and don't yell at him.  He's very tone sensitive.  His senses will become hyperactive, and his emotions will rocket all over the place."

            "Why don't you call him in?" Dumbledore said. "I don't want to talk behind his back."

            Remus entered the room, looking much frailer than usual.

            "Remus. Sit down."

"My name is Fen Grieves. It's good to meet you, Mr. Lupin. Hogwarts Professor, Hogwarts Graduate.  Picked up your book."

            "Thank you."

"Now, I heard you were pregnant.  Such marvelous news.  Congradulations."

            "Hello." Remus said timidly.

            "Well don't let a little case of pregnancy get you down.  Have some beef.  Go on. I never liked the stuff.  I like chicken." Fenrir plunked the smaller werewolf in his seat and let him eat off his plate.  A gesture of respect.

            "Thank you, Mr. Grieves." Remus blushed at the attention.

            "Well so, what are you going to tell the father?  Not too shocking to him I hope." Fen laughed.

            "Oh well… I can't tell the father now."

            "Nonsense," Fenrir said.  "He's going to have to know."

            "But I really can't, he's not even… I don't know where he is."

            "Trust me.  I know people who can find him if he's left you.  We'll bring him here and…"

            Dumbledore turned white.

            "No.  We couldn't."

            "Remus, you're going to have to trust us.  There isn't a man alive who could escape a whole werewolf pack.  We're born hunters.  Lots of Werewolves end up as Profilers for the FBI.  We can catch anyone. We'll get the bloke here and-"

            "Well I don't know how to say this but the baby's father is… It's Sirius Black."

             Calliope and Fen shook their heads.

            "Poor dear."

            "Of course he is," McGonagall said.

            "Isn't he that guy in the Salem Scryer?" Lupe asked.

Fenrir whispered to his mate but Remus could hear the words, "November…Azkaban guy… looney."

            "That's the 'father?'  Man, is he pregnant," Lupe whispered.

            But that didn't put a damper on the lunch.

***

            Lukas Lykos had been Cassim Mubarak Wilson.  It was an ordinary boring Muslim name.  But Lukas, he had seen the word in Greek and really loved it. His name was a reflection of the Wolf that he had become.  He couldn't forget that night.  The ebon wolf man staring at him asking him again and again, as if he hadn't heard him right.

            "You can't want this. You can't"

            "Please."

            The second the saliva sunk into his blood like ice and fire at one. He felt everything more.  His vision expanded into two dog blue eyes, his nose, his sense of touch.  He couldn't imagine being human anymore, when this could happen.

            He had become a werewolf on the sole principle that he was always a werewolf.  He always had the wolf inside of him.  He had always been afraid of the dark, afraid of eyes in the night.  Now as a werewolf he could see nothing behind their cold shadows.*[2]

            Needless to say many of the Wilson Wizards would much prefer to pretend Lukas didn't exist.  After he became Enraptured they took him out of Salem School of Witchcraft and sent him straight to the Conservatory for White Arts, hoping to knock this Wolf garbage out of his head.

              It was there he met Miss Victoria Maitland, and of course Mr. Grieves.  He had been such a dumb lonely kid.  But becoming a werewolf had changed that.  He was a real man now and about to begin his career.  Just like Mr. Grieves, fighting the scum of the universe.          

            He and Fen walked into the English Ministry of Magic, and flashed his charm, past the gate.  He was surprised how many English wizards wore robes and pointy hats.  He had never been in place where wizards could live without running into muggles.  That was the English for you.  They could all crowd on this tiny little island and still manage to pretend nothing was wrong.

            But from Fen's looks, Lukas could tell there was a lot going on here.  A lot that couldn't be ignored.

            Right now it was only one crackpot, a fugitive on the lamb since last year, July 1993.  Sirius Black had made every paper in the Wizarding world.  In the Madoushi Mainichi, The Salem Scryer, Daily Prophet, the Magus all had splashed his face across the front page.  Anybody who could catch a guy who could hide from Aurors and Dementors for a year, would become an instant legend.  He had even tried to kill Harry Potter.

            Maybe it was better to think of it that way.

            A tall chilly auror squeezed past him. She had dark hair and ice blue eyes.  Poured into a golden robe with poofy room riding jodpurs.

            "Auror Grieves.  So good you got the message."

            "Hi."
            "You" She took a long look at his trenchcoat, brooks brothers' slacks and muggle adidas sneakers "must be Auror Lukas."

            Lukas knew this was going to be different.

"Welcome to Black Commission, Mr. Lukas."

            "Yeah. Thanks."

            "We're glad you could get here so swiftly by aeroplane." Polaris said.  "I wouldn't trust the portkeys now.  We had a bomb smuggled in someone's cauldron, a hat bomb, on the inside of a familiar toad and someone's broom riding boots.  4 bombings in the last 4 months."

            "Death Eaters."

            The woman sighed. 

            "I was called off when the AD of Committee on Experimental Charms died sputtering and drowning in a bowl of water cress soup at the age of 33.  He died of natural causes.  Always natural causes." She scratched her head.

            "Sounds rough.  It looks like you need the extra manpower here."

            "Yeah." She looked at Lukas. "You keep your mind on Sirius Black, Mr. Lukas.  We're not interested in letting some rookie getting cruciated, scarred and spilling state secrets."

           She opened the door.  "We need better hunters on this team.  The trail to Black gets colder every second."

            She got an angry look on her face, "Every second he waits out there is an affront to Justice.  Sirius Black must be caught and destroyed."

            "You sound serious…. I mean…"

            "I won't rest till I know he gets exactly what he deserves.  But then again I wasn't planning on getting much sleep this weekend." She sighed.

           Lukas and Fen entered the room with four or five Aurors.  The special Crimes unit was in full swing.  The Aurors waved at the departing woman. 

            "Hello Polaris."

            "Hello Auror Black."

            Lukas looked around.

            "That is one of the rarities of Auror HQ.  The Polaris Black. Inspector Javert meets Bette Davis."

            "The sister?" Grieves asked "I heard that Polaris was still in the Aurors." Fen Grieves said

            "She's trying to arrest her own brother?" Lukas said.

            "No, she testified at his hearing.  Said he should get the Dementor's Kiss."

It couldn't be very good. 'What kind of guy is this Black?"

"Sirius Black, if I only knew."  The profiler was blond with a blue headband, probably to cover her inner eye.  The message said that she was a touch empath.

"Let's start our debriefing." Amanda the profiler said.  "Our new friend here is Auror Lukas from across the Pond, and most of us know Fenrir Grieves."

"You ever chase a dark wizard, Lukas."

"Not like this. I've worked with some serial killers, but this is my first non-vampire in four years.  Sometimes I feel more like a slayer than an auror."  They gave him masochistic station house coffee.

            Lukas and the others were listening to the briefing.  The team was pretty professional, younger cops, most of them profilers and desk jockeys.  Trying to sniff out the clue that would unlock the puzzle.

            It had never been that way for Lukas, he couldn't help seeing it as a hunt.  It fit him very well.  He wanted the scent of his suspect in his nostrils, he wanted to feel his feet on the ground.  There were few times he felt better chasing down a perp.

            He spent a lot of time being lead through the material by Auror Amanda, and looking at much too much forensic evidence.  Like she said, it was so old there was no scent left, nor the psychic residue she could read and analyze.

After much deliberation and reading they began branching off on their private projects.  Amanda was staring at crime scene photos.  A skinny guy was looking at blood samples under a microscope. 

The guy staring into a microscope was arguing with an auror in gold. "…Even if he had gotten into Hogwarts there was no counting on being any good.  Voldemort went to Hogwarts."

"Look at this."

            He was handed a magic year book.  This was the first picture that they had seen.  Sirius Black's year book. The rest were mug shots and artistic renderings.  A tall broad shouldered boy with a sleek black ponytail and ice blue eyes.  His picture winked unknowing at them.

"Sirius Black. Class of 1978."

            "Yep.  The motorbike. 1969 Triumph Trident, with the letters BB on it.  We thought it was his Muggle Girlfriend's name and she died in an accident or something." Amanda the profiler grinned.

            "A flying motorbike. Kick ass."

            "Every girl in Slytherin wanted a piece of him." The profiler drawled.  "He was in Gryffindor."

            "What?" Lukas said.

            "The House system.  The Cunning and Learned go to Ravenclaw."  The microscope guy waved, not looking up.

            "The Loyal and Hardworking for Hufflepuff."  The auror waved.

            "Black was in Gryffindor.  All of them were that whole gang."

            "Gryffindor was for the Bad guys?"

            "Course not. Courage and Bravery."  Amanda the profiler winked "We were all Slytherins. The Sneaky, Conniving, Ambitious weirdoes." She waggled her pierced tongue at Lukas.

            Fen could sense the Profiler was flirting with the tall dark Lukas.  Of course Lukas was only 23.  Maybe she'd have better luck next year.

            "God, that's so unfair.  What ever happened to diversity?  If you have all the problem kids in one house what's that gonna do?"      

            "I thought you might be interested."

            Lukas continued looking at the boy.  The boy winked at him and held up a peace sign.  Into the frame came some other boys.  They waved at him, laughing.  It was kind of strange, that the pictures could be so happy, and kinetic.  No wonder they weren't useful as evidence.  They moved around too much.

            "Sirius Black, James Potter and…"

            Fen paused.

            A shy red haired boy was dragged into the frame by a blond one.
            Lukas would recognize that coloring anywhere.

            "Remus Lupin…." Fen looked up.

            "Lupin knows Black.  I thought he was just hysterical."

            "What are you talking about?"

            "I'm sure it's nothing." Fen smiled.  "How about we get a cigarette?"



[1] Forgive me…Gordon Lightfoot

[2] Lycanthropy- a condition where the subject believes they are indeed a wolf, often accompanied by pursuance complex (being watched by the evil eye), sleepwalking and such.  God bless the DSM-IV

guest starring: Polaris Black, She is the brain child of the lovely Elspeth, aka L Squared, go read "Not all scars are visible" and "Black Hole"