STICKS AND CARROTS

Part One: Sensei

Chapter One

                "And who are you?!" the petite girl demanded in a sharp voice, ready for any new attack.

                Ku Lon made a perfect staff landing on the narrow roof across from the teenager. She was impressed to see that although Ranma's eyes widened at the sight of the now-girl's opponent, the child did not relax his (her?) stance. Apparently Ranma understood enough to not judge her opponents solely by appearance.

                "Hmmm… You're quite good, lad," Ku Lon said, with her patented mysterious smile. "Of course, I knew you would be. Not just anyone could defeat Xian Pu."

                Flashing an patently evil smile (enhanced only SLIGHTLY by age-wrinkles, thank you very much!), Ku Lon turned and bounded away. "We'll meet again!" she called back, laughing.

                The boy who was currently a girl shuddered slightly. Not to underestimate Ku Lon's Evil Laughter – but Ranma had recently suffered exposure to Kodachi's Insane Laugh, which was a grade beyond what even an Amazon matriarch could handle. Insanity was like that.

                "…Yay?" Ranma blinked, then shook his head. He (she) needed to get home, and figure out what the heck was going on with Akane again. Girls!

                "/Xian Pu, take these ramen over to the Tendou household.\"

                "/What? But shouldn't we be bringing over a proper engagement feast, now that you're here, Great-Grandmother? Ramen is good, but hardly appropriate to be giving to my husband!\"

                Ku Lon sighed. Oh, Xian Pu was a wonderful girl and would be a fine leader someday when she'd outgrown her youthful impulsiveness, but sometimes she could be so… headstrong! She had jumped to the (admittedly logical) conclusion that Ku Lon's only reason for coming to Japan was in order to help her snare her husband, a process that Xian Pu was convinced would take only a week or two.

                "/Great-Grandmother, why are you shaking your head like that? Have I done something wrong?\" Xian Pu bit her lip nervously. Of course she trusted her Great-Grandmother to help her in any and all circumstances, but – well, this was important to her! Didn't Ku Lon understand that? "/Hurry, Grandmother. I want to see him!\"

                "/I must admit, I may have to order you to stay here if you do not settle down,\" Ku Lon warned.

                Xian Pu's eyes widened. "/Grandmother! But… he is my husband!\"

                Ku Lon winced. She fully intended to support Xian Pu's bid, but unless she did something about the girl's methods, that could hurt her own bid to become a mentor-figure for the boy. "/I believe it is time and past time that I taught you the ultimate technique of the Matrons…\"

                Xian Pu's eyes lit up with delight, and Ku Lon was left thinking the girl shared that much, at least, with her prospective husband. Both found joy in the art of combat, even if Xian Pu was not quite the prodigy that the boy was. "/A technique?\"

                "/Yes. It is an esoteric technique attempted by few and mastered by less. Its common name is Patience.\"

                Xian Pu nearly fell over. "/Grandmother!\"

                Ku Lon chortled at the girl's surprise, but finally relented when she saw the genuine disappointment and hurt in Xian Pu's eyes, although the girl hid it well. Growing stern, she scolded, "/I do not mock you, girl! To us, the law is clear. Such is not the case with the boy. When you are attempting to capture a wild creature, do you charge blindly towards it knowing nothing?\"

                "/No,\" Xian Pu said cautiously.

                "/What do you do, Great-Granddaughter?\" If Xian Pu was to learn how to apply her lessons in the real world, there was no better time than the present to start.

                Xian Pu was looking at her as though Ku Lon was finally giving in to senility, but responded. "/You learn about it. Where it sleeps, what foods it likes, whether it is intrinsically hostile or benign, whether it is trainable like a dog or whether the most you can hope for is affectionate independence, like a cat.\"

                "/Exactly.\" Ku Lon finished the last batch of ramen. "/And even with this information, do you simply charge up to it and attack, attempting to beat it into submission?\"

                "/No. You move slowly towards it and give it time to become accustomed to you, without making it flee. Wild creatures are skittish and don't trust.\"

                "/Exactly. Now, girl, your intended may not be an animal in the wild, but you must handle him as though he were. Approach carefully and slowly, without making sudden movements, and leave him enough room to get used to you without becoming alarmed.\" Although Ku Lon knew that it was probably too late for that now, it couldn't hurt to try. "/Now, let us go. And no destroying walls! We are not in this land to make enemies.\"

                Xian Pu made a face and muttered something, but Ku Lon didn't hear exactly what it was. The matriarch decided she would be indulgent this once and allow Xian Pu her small rebellions. The girl was coming into adulthood, and needed freedom, and as Ku Lon had clearly commanded her to follow instructions, compensation was needed.

                Xian Pu was very quiet as they made their way down the streets of Nerima, allowing Ku Lon to contemplate her next move. The most obvious was the same advice that she had given Xian Pu – to study the boy, learn his background. The Crystal had been useful, but it had severe limitations, not the least of which was that it only showed things as it desired. If she remembered correctly, however, there were plenty of people about whom she could bargain with for information. Failing that, she'd just have to use more modern methods.

                Ancient Amazon techniques were all well and good, but when it came to information-gathering, nothing beat a T-1 line and a teenager with nothing better to do than to get places and information that she really shouldn't.

                The other problem was to analyze the people surrounding the boy. At the moment, at least the number of people needing to be dealt with were limited.

                The final problem was… what exactly did she intend to do? Her first meeting with the boy, an almost perfect replay of the scene she'd seen in the Crystal, had established her as a skilled martial artist, someone with too much information, and 'another-random-person-attacking-from-nowhere.' That last would have to go. Ku Lon had no intention being tagged in the same category as the lost boy that occasionally attacked Ranma. She could be unpredictable, but she was not borderline psychotic.

                Should she go ahead with the Cat's Tongue point? It might put her in the opponent category, but on the other hand Ranma was a boy who seemed to thrive on adversity. Giving him an easy option was probably not the most efficient way of getting him to learn. For one thing, he had grown up with martial arts being a serious matter for him, and would not trust a 'quick-fix' approach. He needed challenge and motivation to grow.

                This had potential to be entertaining – so long as she didn't let it burn her. She had to remember her objectives, after all: get Ranma into the tribe. As Xian Pu's husband would be nice, but not required.

                "Nihao!"

                "Shampoo! You haven't been by lately."

                "I thought you went back to China."

                'So, those are Kasumi and Nabiki, I believe.' Ku Lon looked the two girls over.

                Kasumi – sweet, with an air of 'everyone's big sister' about her that probably was very useful for such a sweet girl. 'I hope the Japanese government never gets the bright idea of having her for a diplomat. She radiates sweet and reasonable so powerfully that it would feel like a crime to even risk disappointing her.'

                Nabiki – 'Interesting. Not nearly as mercenary as the Crystal led me to believe. Perhaps that was simply her method to coping with a severe change in her reality.' She would have to watch the middle sister. High intellect could make for a powerful ally, but also a powerful opponent. 'She'd be the one to figure out a way of dealing with an opponent outside martial arts… maybe I can recruit her to teach the boy some of those skills?'

                Then there were the fathers. Soun – 'Don't make me laugh. He may have had potential once, but he has surrendered it to the comforts of good living. He also has no emotional control. Passion is good, but only when guided by a tempered will, which he definitely lacks.'

                And Genma? '…I don't like him. Pure selfishness and a decidedly low intellect. Again, perhaps he was once a lad with high potential, but he has squandered it. Still… he at the very least has some skill, and he does have the moves of one for whom the Art is a gift. Maybe not the natural that the boy is – but not entirely a waste of flesh, either. After all, he fathered the boy, so that's one good point on his karma.' Noticing the man's discomfort in her measuring gaze, Ku Lon smiled at him, and chortled as he blanched before re-assuming his 'wise old man' pose. No woman liked losing her maidenly good looks, but sometimes it was fun to be a withered old crone. 'Interesting – a high ki potential, in fact, with some access to it. Well, Saotome Genma… apparently you did have more to contribute to the poor lad than a Y-chromosome. Not much, but something. His mother, on the other hand, must truly be a marvel.' Although the fact that she married Genma was not promising.

                "What's going on… Oh. You."

                And there was Akane. Ku Lon gave her the same special attention that she'd given Genma, knowing that this girl would be one of the most important. 'Well, she is not as bad as I expected, either. Impatient and hot-headed, but not psychotic. Spoiled, ye gods yes, but not irreparably so. She even has quite the potential of her own, provided that she ever learns that she must work for her rewards. That impatience and pride will definitely be a problem, though. Ranma, he sees someone who is better and teaches himself to match or exceed their level. This girl… she will either tell herself that she was not ready and fool herself, or she will simply assume that there is no point in learning the skill. She must be the best, or she doesn't care.' Ku Lon gave the short-haired girl a nod when Akane did a double-take at the matriarch's presence, but continued her mental analysis. 'Pretty, yes, in a less extravagant way than Xian Pu.'

                "Coming home dinner!" Xian Pu announced, passing out the ramen.

                "What the… what are you doing here?" a clear feminine voice demanded.

                "Live here now!" Xian Pu announced. "Airen happy, yes?"

                'Eh? Interesting. She had plenty of time to beat us back here and get turned back into a boy. I wonder what the boy was up to.'

                The shape-changed boy stared at Xian Pu in disbelief and dismay. "You're… moving here?!"

                "She's opened a ramen shop in the neighborhood!" Kasumi said, plainly surprised by Ranma's tone of voice.

                "Hey – the noodles are delicious, Akane!" Nabiki called.

                Akane, sitting on the porch with a small black piglet – presumably her pet – in her arms, sniffed. "Good for them."

                Ku Lon looked up from eating her own ramen. (Ah! Delicious! So nice to know that she hadn't lost her touch.) "I heard everything from Xian Pu." Taking a drink of broth, she put the bowl down. "She is here to claim you as her husband." She ignored the look on Soun's face.

                Kasumi looked at her. "Have we met?"

                Ranma blinked. "Yahg! It's that old bag!" Hmph. He definitely needed to learn how to think before he spoke.

                "She is Great-Grandmother!" Xian Pu declared cheerfully.

                Ku Lon became vaguely aware of an attempt to manifest an imposing outer aspect and lazily glanced over at her shoulder, to see Tendou Soun demonstrating the beginnings of a vaguely impressive Demon's Head.

                "Ranma is Akane's fiancé," he said.

                Ku Lon just matched his look, totally unimpressed. "It is our law, Tendou, and a very old and honored tradition."

                Seemingly completely unaware of the tension, Kasumi commented, "Your Japanese is quite good!"

                Ku Lon chuckled. "Well, I haven't lived for two hundred years for nothing!"*

                Nabiki grinned. "My, you're much younger than you look!"

                'Grrrr. Girls these days.' Ku Lon didn't show her annoyance, though. Just because she happened to find occasional uses for being an old crone didn't mean that she had to have her face rubbed in it!

                "Get one thing straight," a young male voice said. Ku Lon turned and saw, as she'd expected, that Ranma had indeed turned back to his natural form. The gleaming jet-black color of the girl's form remained, but the faint red highlights did not. The girl's hair gleamed with reddish highlights; the boy's was simply ink-black.** As for the rest, his eyes remained their unusual clear blue color, although he grew taller and broader in the chest and slightly narrower in the hips. He was also remarkably tolerant to heat, if the cloud of steam rising from his shoulders where he had poured the contents of a kettle was any indication. That, or he'd simply adapted to adversity.

                Interesting… his voice carried a hint of a growl to it as he spoke. Perhaps the Neko-ken was not as deeply submerged in his psyche as she'd thought… Ku Lon knew that she would have to tread extremely cautiously, but still, it was a matter that merited looking into. Perhaps there was a way to bring the Neko-ken forth while keeping it under his conscious control.

                He continued, "I'm not even thinking of marrying Shampoo."

                "Ranma?" Xian Pu said, beckoning him. "You come here for second."

                'Good work, child,' Ku Lon thought, noticing that the girl at least had the courtesy to call Ranma by his proper name. 'If you just back off a little, you'll have a much better chance at getting him.' She smiled and turned away as the two disappeared into the hallway.

                Of course, her satisfaction was quickly derailed as she heard a choked yelp from the furo. Excusing herself and following them, she found Xian Pu stark naked, staring the boy down. Interestingly, Ranma wasn't reacting at all in the manner she would have expected from a young, plainly healthy male. Rather than being caught between embarrassment and attraction (after all, Xian Pu was a very lovely young girl who was currently wearing nothing but her hair), he was just plain freaked.

                Ku Lon was just about ready to bang her head into the wall. 'Xian Pu, why do you insist on cutting your throat like this?'

                Then, of course, Xian Pu sprayed herself with cold water, and they had a whole new problem. Fortunately, Xian Pu climbed into the hot furo before Ranma did more than freeze up. Then, of course, the fool girl started blaming him for her curse. At that point, Ku Lon judged that it was her turn again.

                "Is your fault!" Xian Pu declared.

                "How is it my fault?" Ranma demanded.

                Ku Lon bonked him over the head with her staff. "As the cause, you must hold yourself partially responsible," she lectured.

                Ranma's fists clenched, and although his back was to Ku Lon she got a definite impression of gathering stormclouds around him. "Y'know," he gritted, "I've had about enough… of your LOONEY TALK!"

                He spun, his leg striking her staff. However, Ku Lon was expecting the move, though not the lack of physical warning he had given before moving, and she flipped her staff into her hands and swiped it at his supporting leg. He responded by jumping over the attack, proving that he could read moves as well as give them.

                Of course, luck seemed to rarely be with the boy in day-to-day events. His foot came down… on a bar of soap, causing him to perform a forward-splits variety of a cartwheel sans hands. Ku Lon naturally seized the advantage and conked him on the head. Then, she made tracks.

                "Why… you old bag!" she heard Ranma shout, hot in pursuit. "GET BACK HERE!"

                He really kept up quite an admirable chase, even running parallel to the ground along a wall at several points.

                "Come now, child!" Ku Lon laughed, looking back over her shoulder. "Why don't you catch me? If you can!" So saying, she ran up a telephone pole, Ranma still close behind. Not that he remained close for long.

                This fight had a purpose. If she was to establish herself as a separate entity from Xian Pu's bid for marriage, then she would need a chance to exchange words in private with the boy, away from others, and especially away from Xian Pu.

                Of course, there was also the fact that this was quite fun, too. It had been a long time since anyone had been able to keep up so well on a chase! But all good things must come to an end, and soon she found herself sitting alone atop a torii.***

                She sighed. Perhaps he wasn't as skilled at this stage as she'd thought, though his potential was definitely limitless from her vantage point of two centuries. "Still," she chuckled. "He's a hundred years away from catching me."

                "Took your time, didn't you, grandma?"

                It took a lot to surprise Ku Lon, either physically or intellectually. The child had just succeeded in both.

                'When did he get behind me?' she thought in shock. 'I should have sensed him a mile away, and heard him at half that!' It was all she could do to keep herself from jumping. The boy wasn't just behind her, he was barely five centimeters away.

                She turned and regarded him with a measuring look. "So. Just as I should have suspected, from Xian Pu's prospective groom."

                The boy turned away slightly, and there was definitely annoyance on his face. "I am not her groom."

                "Not yet, agreed," Ku Lon said. "And perhaps not ever."

                He turned to look at her, his eyes wide and surprised. "Eh?"

                Ku Lon waved a hand. "I meant only to say that it would take someone out of the ordinary to defeat Xian Pu. She is my heir, after all, and knows many Amazon secrets. However, this does bring up something I wished to speak to you about."

                She almost laughed. Xian Pu and this boy were quite alike; she could almost see his ears prick up when she mentioned Amazon secrets. Ah, to be young and enthusiastic again.

                "Yeah? Like what?" he asked.

                "Just a few matters." Ku Lon leaned on her staff and studied him. Tsk, tsk. It really was unfair, that the younger generation got all the luck. The boy was an excellent image of an ideal human, physically, in either form. Given the normal gangling adolescent state, that really said quite a lot. Ranma was already threatening to be a heartbreaker in the midst of adolescence; when he got just a little older, he might become literally drop-dead gorgeous.

                And it was going to give the boy no end of headaches, Ku Lon was quite sure.

                Shaking off her thoughts, she continued. "Doubtless you think I'm here to help Xian Pu drag you back to China as her husband. That is certainly what she thinks. It is, however, only partially true."

                Ranma blinked at her.

                She smiled, trying not to achieve the 'terrifying old crone' effect. Either she succeeded, or Ranma was of tougher mettle than most in this town. Actually, whichever the case was the second was pretty much assured. "I do admit that as Xian Pu's grandmother I would like to see her happily married, and you do seem to be the one she has set her heart on…"

                "I didn't ask her to!" the boy said, clearly frustrated.

                "No, but the fact is that she did. However, the other reason that I am here…" How to say this, how to say this… "I am looking for promising youngsters. We Amazons have many admirable skills, but our clan is small and it needs new blood and new ideas periodically, to keep us from stiffening up into old crones like myself." She winked.

                "I ain't marryin'…"

                "I'm not asking you to," Ku Lon interrupted. "I would be pleased if you did, but it is not a necessity. No, boy. I'm offering to train you."

                A light seemed to glow from his big eyes, and Ku Lon could only smile at the eager child in front of her. "Really?" he asked. "Like what?"

                "Oh, only small things," she said casually. "It would take a more serious commitment to the Amazon tribe from you – adoption, perhaps, or official alliance, if not marriage – to teach you the truly advanced techniques, but I should be able to teach you the simpler things."

                The light seemed to die down suddenly, and Ku Lon wondered what was going on in the boy's head. "Ah, what can y'teach me that I can't learn myself?" he asked flippantly.

                Ku Lon hid a grin. "Oh, trust me, you'll be impressed. And you will be learning it, boy. However…" She looked him over carefully. "Yes, I think that you may need a little extra motivation."

                "Hey!" Ranma turned back. "I can learn anythin' you throw at me!"

                "Oh, but what would be the fun of it without at least a little extra motivation?" Ku Lon asked with a grin. Suddenly, she darted the end of her staff forward and poked a very precise point on his chest. "There, that should do it. I think you'll be quite… motivated by it."

                That said, she hopped away.

*--I've always been confused about Ku Lon's age. Apparently the manga and anime say different things. According to the manga, she's "almost one hundred". I've decided to expand on that a little. ^.^

**--For those who don't know, in the manga Ranma's girl-form still has black hair. The only difference that I have noted is that Takahashi-sama draws Ranma-chan with highlights in her hair.

***--gate to a Shinto shrine.

As to "the younger generation got all the luck", I'll leave it to individual interpretation as to whether she's referring to Ranma, or all the girls who get to have a shot at Ranma. ^_^

Some people have been asking me to continue this, so I'm just putting some notes down here:

--This chapter follows the introductory chapter for Ku Lon/Cologne fairly loyally (almost word-for-word, actually), but as time goes on, the change will 'ripple', getting bigger and bigger. I intend for Ku Lon to continue with most of her original pranks, but her motivation is different this time. She'd like to see Ranma marry Xian Pu, but she's also hedging her bets.

--Other characters may also become prospective students. Ryouga is already a given, but Akane may come in for some special training, as may Kasumi and Nabiki as time goes on (I like them both and would like them to get slightly bigger roles). Just because Ku Lon's priority is Ranma doesn't mean she'll ignore all this potential around her.

--I don't intend to do any character bashing, if I can avoid it, but if I do, the victims will probably be Soun, Genma and Ryouga (I have mixed feelings about him. He's fun, but he's also a total jerk by my standards). Oh, and Kuno – provided anyone can bash him more than the manga itself does. If I do slip into character-bashing, tell me. I don't really like it, and I want to keep from doing it myself.

--No, this won't be a Ku Lon/Ranma story. (I may write one later, I have an idea for it at least.) Ku Lon's feelings towards Ranma are similar to her feelings towards Xian Pu – a mix of mentor and grandmother. They may be even a little stronger, in a way (referring back to the fact that friends are just the family you chose for yourself).

--Probably the most important, this story follows the manga, as I have never seen anything except the first episode of the anime. This means several things, but the most important is that character descriptions and behaviors are based on the Viz translations of the manga (To those who hate Viz: I'm sorry, I have the first book of Ranma in Japanese but given as I am almost completely self-taught, it's really slow going.). The other information I have is internet/fanfiction based, and I'm not really all that confident in its accuracy, knowing the internet. -_- Oh, and I read a fan-translated version of the last book of the series. That was cool, but it didn't help me to fill in everything else that happens…

As for the continuation of this story, I'll do as much as I can, but I'm limited by the fact that I've only read the first six books. (My local library doesn't carry manga, and the price for a translated 'graphic novel' is highway robbery.) So please forgive my mistakes.

To everyone who read and reviewed: I love you. Your reviews were what prompted me to dust this off and write this chapter. (I haven't actually worked on this story for months.) Please, keep them coming!

--Kryal (Cally)

PS. Oh, and the Neko-ken thing? That just sort of popped up. (There's a growl sound effect while Ranma's talking to Cologne while changing back.) But now that I have it, I think I'm going to play with it a little. ^_^ I've got some interesting ideas… and they're mine, all mine!