STICKS AND CARROTS
Part One: Sensei
Chapter Two
Xian Pu was biking away, humming. If ever a girl could radiate happiness, she was doing so. After all, as far as Xian Pu cared the world was all on her side. She was in Nerima with her husband (even if the 'husband' in question wouldn't accept it), her great-grandmother was here to help, the sky was clear, the weather was lovely, the restaurant was doing well and aforementioned Great-Grandmother had just given her some news.
"/I'm afraid I pulled a little prank on Ranma,\" Ku Lon had told her as she handed Xian Pu a set of deliveries. "/He's going to be having some difficulties for a while and could probably use a little extra support. When you're done with these, you may visit him if…\"
At that point, Ku Lon had stopped on the words if you won't be disrupting his classes, as Xian Pu was already off and pedaling for all she was worth. The matriarch shook her head. Well, the girl was enthusiastic at least.
The disruption wasn't as bad as it could have been; Ranma was outside playing soccer when Xian Pu arrived, jumping the school wall with her bike. In fact, his classmates weren't bothered at all that Ranma was distracted from class. After all, none of them really enjoyed being the boy's opponent – and besides, Xian Pu's dress was quite short. "Nihao!"
Akane, in the girl's field, however, did not look nearly so pleased. If anything she looked a little alarmed.
"Hurry and ask me to marry you!" Xian Pu cried as she biked after Ranma, who after his first shock had continued the game. And if he was running just a little faster than before, well Ranma was fast enough normally that the change wasn't extreme.
Ku Lon wanted to bang her head again. It occurred to her, belatedly, that if she was going to survive this trip she had better find some kind of effective stress reliever. 'Patience? Or subtlety? Which does that girl need most?'
To Xian Pu's credit, it wasn't entirely her fault. Already an outgoing girl, she was also operating under the additional burdens of an alien culture and unfamiliar language. However, 'hurry and ask me to marry you' was beyond the pale even in Amazon culture.
"Hey, Shampoo," Ranma called back over his shoulder, "tell that old bag this from me… I've never been in better shape!"
Well, there was no mistaking the challenge in that tone of voice. 'I believe that's my cue, hmmm?' Ku Lon hopped on her staff.
"Wagh!" Ranma yelped as she zipped by him.
"But how long will that last, hmmm?" she asked, grinning. "See you… soon!" And with that she bounced away.
Behind her, she heard shocked murmurs and the sound of something very heavy being lifted. "Not if I can help it… you old ghoul!"
As Ku Lon evaded the cement cylinder that the boy kicked towards her, she noticed someone else approaching right along the object's flight path.
'Mu Tzu? Bother, I forgot about him. Ah well!' She returned to terra firma and immediately made her way back into the school field. 'At least this will be an entertaining show.'
Mu Tzu made his debut into the Furinkan schoolyard in grand style. At first, he came soaring through the air tucked into a roll. Then suddenly his arms swept out – shearing the cylinder cleanly in half as their trajectories intersected. Tumbling gracefully downward in a perfectly controlled drop, Mu Tzu came to rest lightly on his feet, eyes closed and hands tucked into sleeves again, a perfect image of grace, calm and power.
Then, proving that perfection was impossible and that the universe did have a sense of equilibrium, the two cement cylinder halves also came to rest… on his head.
'Well, this is interesting. I wonder what they'll do.' Ku Lon hopped forward just enough to let her see all while remaining out of sight.
The dumbstruck silence, which was punctuated with the sound of wind, was finally broken when Mu Tzu's head popped up and the cement blocks fell away.
"Xian Pu," he murmured as he climbed to his feet, seemingly unaware of the disbelieving whispers that quickly spread through his audience. Tears of joy began to trickle down his face. "Oh, Xian Pu…!"
Ranma, understandably, freaked. Despite his curse it was possible that he never been hit on by a boy before, and he obviously had never been glomped in boy form by another boy before. His response once the shock was past was automatic – a nice solid foot in the face. "Who are you calling 'Shampoo'?!"
"……" Mu Tzu pulled out his glasses and studied Ranma's face.
"WHO ARE YOU?!" Mu Tzu promptly flung Ranma away. Ranma, Ku Lon noticed with amusement, didn't even try to block, apparently being only too happy to put some distance between himself and the newcomer. "Xian Pu!" Mu Tzu cried again, clasping the girl to his chest.
This, again, was not a politic method of greeting a stranger. In fact, it was doubly not so. Akane punched him away, and Ranma came down for a landing on Mu Tzu's head to underscore the message. "Who are you calling 'Shampoo'?!" Ranma demanded again.
"Who are you, anyway?" Akane added, looking about ready to attack Mu Tzu if he tried the stunt again.
Fortunately, Mu Tzu lifted his glasses properly to his face – and left them there this time. "I am Mu Tzu," he said. "I am the man who is to be Xian Pu's groom."
"What you talking about?" Xian Pu asked from her bicycle, apparently deciding that Mu Tzu was not going to try a third attempt at a Joyfully Rejoined glomp. "We only friends from child times."
Ku Lon bounded forward to land next to Ranma, looking at Mu Tzu. "Mu Tzu! Weren't you once spurned by Xian Pu?"
"Ack, the ghoul again!" Ranma yelped. Ku Lon made a mental note to bop him over the head for that one sometime when she wasn't distracted.
"But… but that..." Mu Tzu spluttered, "…was when we were only three!"
Ku Lon made a sharp motion of negation. "Age makes no difference!" Pointing over at Ranma, she continued, "It has been decided! This man is Xian Pu's groom!" Or at least he was in Xian Pu's eyes.
"Not if you ask me, I'm not!" Ranma said pointedly, unintentionally echoing the matriarch's thoughts. Akane just looked at her with annoyance, while Xian Pu moved in close to Ranma, plaintive-eyed.
Then, of course, Tendou Soun appeared out of nowhere, megaphone in hand – and right next to Ku Lon's poor old ears, too! "HAVE YOU NO EARS?! RANMA IS ENGAGED TO AKANE!"
"Daddy, please!" Akane said, clearly embarrassed by her father's enthusiasm.
Mu Tzu, however, turned to Ranma. He was literally trembling in rage. "You have a fiancée… and yet you… and Xian Pu…"
'Oh, dear. That's not a promising tone of voice.' Ku Lon shook her head. 'I wonder what he's gotten into his head this time…'
"Now listen," Ranma said sharply, apparently also noting the classic signs of a pending blow-up-due-to-incomplete-data.
Mu Tzu wasn't interested in listening. "Enemy of all women!!" he roared, attempting to spin-kick Ranma.
The boy went airborne without a twitch, jumping over the kick and snapping, "If you'd just listen for a…"
"The blow of the Swan-Fist!"
That connected. With a grunt, Ranma was sent flying back, to crash into the cement barrier around the school-yard.
"Whoa! He nailed Ranma?" shouted one of the bystanders.
"I never saw his hands!"
"Swan-fist…?" Akane's eyes widened in sudden understanding. "He's carrying a weapon!" she shouted.
Ranma glared at Mu Tzu from his indentation in the cement. "Why… you… blind…"
"Ranma!" Xian Pu said, leaning over from the grassy slope beyond the barrier. "Be careful! Mu Tzu is master of Hidden Weapon!"
"I am indeed," said Mu Tzu, going once more for the elegant mystery approach. Spreading his arms expansively, he continued, "Just as a swan floating quietly conceals thrashing feet beneath the water, so it is impossible to see… WHAT'S IN MY HANDS!!"
"IMPOSSIBLE?! HAH!"
There was a long silence. Mu Tzu stared in amazement at the outsider who had somehow managed to block the 'unstoppable' attack; Ranma stared incredulously at the object he had stopped cold between his feet.
"It's… it's a toilet-training potty!" one of the boys shouted. "What an insult!"
"Yes," said another. "An insult too grievous to bear!"
'Well, Mu Tzu, you seem to have thrown your gauntlet. Now, what are you going to do with it?' Ku Lon wondered, bouncing forward to watch the unfolding drama. Inwardly, though, she was relieved that Mu Tzu had chosen that particular attack. The last thing the Amazons needed was to attract police attention, and attacking someone seemingly at random with a lethal weapon would certainly do that. A potty trainer was insulting, but not as legally problematic as a sword.
"That does it!" Ranma snapped, flinging the object to the ground. His patience, never good to begin with, was clearly overstretched.
"Then you will fight?" asked Mu Tzu smugly. He snapped a hand forward, pointing a finger challengingly at Ranma. "These are my terms!" he shouted. "If I should win--"
"You can't have Xian Pu," Ku Lon said.
"……" Mu Tzu looked at her, and Ku Lon glanced aside. She didn't have anything particularly against the boy save his obsessive behavior, but Xian Pu had made her stand quite clear on this matter, and what Great-Grandmother would disregard her great-granddaughter's wishes in such an important matter?
Mu Tzu quickly recovered, and instead he pointed sharply at Akane, who stood to the side. "Then I will take your woman!" he shouted.
Akane, needless to say, was not happy. "Now wait just a--"
Ranma, however, seemed not to have heard the terms of the fight – or if he had heard, he had not cared. "You got it!" he snarled. "The fight is on!"
"Ranma!" Akane yelled.
"I have your pledge as a man?" Mu Tzu demanded over her voice.
"His pledge as a man." Ku Lon pressed a hand to her forehead. "Of all the wording to choose. Well, it seems things will be getting interesting."
The stars sparkled overhead as Ku Lon made her way quietly to the Tendou household. She was deep in thought, and only grateful that Xian Pu was too busy cleaning the restaurant to follow her. The next encounter with Ranma would be one of the most important – for Ku Lon had no doubt that Ranma would soon discover the effects of that little tap she had given him.
When Ku Lon had decided to go ahead with that little prank, she had not calculated on Mu Tzu showing up, or making such a challenge. Now Ranma would find himself hard-pressed simply in upholding the letter of the agreement. As a partial cause, Ku Lon felt that she needed to assist him as well, to even the score – and to prove her intentions to the boy.
Arriving at the household, she glanced inside, catching the tail end of a conversation between Kasumi and Akane.
"This isn't funny!" Ranma's unwilling fiancée said in frustration. "They didn't even ask me!"
"But Ranma can't possibly lose," Kasumi said encouragingly.
"OW! OW! OW OW OW OW OWTCH!"
'Losing is the least of his worries at the moment, child.'
"You say it was boiling?" Kasumi leaned over and carefully tested the water. "It's barely warm."
"But it was so hot!" Ranma said, in the light voice of his female form.
Ku Lon came out of the water. She so loved making an entrance! "From now on," she said, "even lukewarm water will scald you."
"Ack! The ghoul!" Ranma glared at Ku Lon – unintentionally giving the matriarch a very good look at her (his?) female body. 'Hmmm. If I were younger, I'd be jealous. I'm jealous now, of course, but I also have better things to do with my time.' Ranma in female form was petite in everything except for her quite healthy bust.
Interesting… Female-Ranma wasn't just petite, she was almost childlike, having a much younger appearance than even Akane. Certainly no one would ever suspect this slight, delicate-looking girl of in fact being a highly trained and insanely skilled martial artist.
"The pressure-point I touched makes your whole body as sensitive as a cat's tongue," she explained, ignoring the ghoul comment again. After all, in this case she rather deserved it, for getting Ranma into this fix.
"Why did you do that?" asked Kasumi in surprise.
Ku Lon had the grace to look apologetic. "I thought that Ranma might need a little extra motivation in order to learn properly. I had not anticipated Mu Tzu's arrival," she admitted, "although perhaps I should have."
"So why are you here…?" Akane asked, her eyes narrowed in suspicion.
"To make amends, of course," Ku Lon replied. "After all, the terms of the challenge have put Ranma in something of a fix, have they not?"
"Hah!" she said dismissively. "Even as a girl, I'm more than enough for the likes of him."
Shoulders shaking with very carefully contained anger, Akane wrapped a towel firmly around her fiancé's chest. "So then…" she asked with frightening sweetness, "just what are you going to do about 'your pledge as a man,' hmmm?"
"…Erk…" Ranma's eyes widened.
"Actually," Ku Lon said, "that's part of why I am here…"
A.N. Bother. This is a really short chapter. I'm sorry, it wasn't intentional. Things just sort of turned out this way. It didn't help that a large part of this comes, once again, directly from the manga. Ku Lon's minor change just hasn't had enough time to take effect yet.
That's going to change in the next chapter, though, which will be made up almost entirely out of whole cloth. ^_^ Wish me luck, because that means I'm probably going to be getting ambitious. Ku Lon won't remove the pressure point (which would defeat the purpose of making Ranma motivated to learn), but she can offer some other training. Ranma's already proven that when push comes to shove, he can learn things overnight, as long as he has at least had a chance to watch it (witness Kodachi's match). Of course, Ku Lon's assistance might not be entirely martial, either…
If anyone has ideas for relatively simple techniques that Ku Lon could give Ranma to give him an edge, go ahead, I could use the assistance, and I'll give full credit for the ideas in the Author's Notes.
The fight with Mu Tzu, just so you know, is going to be rather different from the one in the manga: one, because of Ku Lon's intervention, and two: in the manga, Ranma is crippled by his female form, and that doesn't make logical sense to me. He's had the curse too long and gotten into too many fights with it to miscalculate that badly. ^_^
Sorry about the delay in getting this out… the LotR fanfiction Journey through Shadows is taking up a lot of my time, as my friend really is fired up about it, and I can't write both at once (the writing style that each uses is too different from the other, and if I tried both of them would flop). However, I think I can get another chapter of this done fairly soon. Just rest assured – I am working on it, just slowly.
As for my other stories, they're probably going to have to go on hold for a little while; between papers and the two fanfictions I'm working on, I've pretty much reached my limit.
And to Joe Chaos, Janelle Highland, Vixen and Stephen Cozine, and everyone else who sent me the links for the translated manga: THANK YOU SO MUCH! ^__^
