STICKS AND CARROTS

Part One: Sensei

Chapter Seven

                "I can't believe we're doin' this."

                "But you look sexy, Ranma-chan!" Nabiki giggled.

                Ranma continued to grumble. "Fer cryin' out loud, I just beat that stupid Cat's Tongue, and now y' want me t' go around as a girl again?"

                "You are perfectly welcome to wear swim trunks and go in your natural form, teishi, but if you wish to do any swimming you must accept your female form."

                "But do I hafta wear a girl's swimsuit?"

                "Oh, stop whining! You probably just want to go around topless and flash all the boys. Pervert!"

                "Ara… what do you mean, Akane-chan?"

                "I'll second that. What's flashin'?"

                "Don't worry about it, teishi."

                "Hmph. Pervert-girl probably too too happy Airen need stay girl-type at beach. She like girl-form better anyway. Probably have too too naughty dreams about girl-form every night."

                "WHAT? You… you Chinese bimbo! Take that back, or I'll make you eat those words!"

                Ku Lon sighed. "Girls…"

                "She start."

                "I started it?!"

                "ENOUGH!"

                "Ranma-kun, what are you doing?"

                "Stayin' outta th' battle zone, that's what."

                "Smart move, Saotome. Maybe there's a brain in that head after all."

                "Straying conversation aside, teishi, you do need to wear something, and your normal clothing will stand out here."

                "Yeah, yeah, I getcha. Still don't like it, though."

                Ku Lon scanned the beach and found a spot near a shady place where they could retreat if the sun became too much. Bouncing over, she laid out a beach towel and put down the cooler she was carrying. As she set up an umbrella to block the sun, the Tendous put out their own towels, right next to her. Or rather, the girls did; the fathers were standing together talking, and Ranma hovered at the edge of the group, unsure of what to do.

                Ku Lon had decided that the restaurant had been more than successful enough to warrant a vacation, and the beach had seemed nice enough, although Xian Pu was a bit out of sorts that she couldn't swim. Naturally, Ranma had been invited. Predictably, the Tendous had decided to come along, ostensibly so that Ranma could have the vacation without worry about any possible scheming.

                When the girls had put out the towels, each pulled off the T-shirt she wore over her swimsuit. Kasumi's was a soft blue, sleeveless one-piece with ruffles and a large bow on the front. Nabiki was wearing something that was really pretty much the same as her normal tank-top and ultra-mini shorts. Akane was wearing a fairly normal navy-blue swimsuit with thin white stripes and a low-scooped back, and Xian Pu was wearing a no-shoulder lavender and gold floral suit, accented with a pale yellow flowers in her hair and some shiny gold bangles on her arms and ankles.

                Getting a swimsuit for Ranma had been tricky; Ku Lon had never really noticed how… well, feminine the average girls' swimsuit was. They'd spent a long time searching the department store before finding a swimsuit Ranma was willing to even consider trying on. The one they had finally settled on was black on the front and back and red on the sides, giving it a sports-like, streamlined, no-nonsense look. There was no hint of delicacy in the outfit, but the real selling point for Ranma was the set of white English letters on the front declaring BOY.

                Ku Lon herself was wearing a fairly loose black body-suit; no reason to traumatize the hormonal boys who were staring at the feminine pulchritude gathered around them.

                The group scattered to their separate destinations; Kasumi going with Soun and Akane to the actual water's edge, Nabiki to the snack vendors, Xian Pu lying out on a towel and sunning, and Genma…

                Ku Lon stifled a laugh. Genma had gotten nailed by a wave, and there was a swarm of small children around him, shrieking in delight as they pulled at his fur. Well, maybe the fool had some redeeming features after all. He made a wonderful giant plush-toy for the little ones.

                Ku Lon decided that it was hot, there weren't a lot of people around to stare bug-eyed at her, those waves looked like fun, and she was going swimming. She sank her toes into the hot sand and wiggled them, then began walking down to the water's edge. Then she suddenly realized that she hadn't seen Ranma go anywhere, and she turned around to find the pseudo-girl still standing by the towels, looking around curiously.

                "Teishi!" she called.

                Ranma blinked, then trotted down the beach to join her. "Yeah, whatcha want?"

                "What are you doing, teishi? This is a beach. One does not simply stand around."

                "Feh." Ranma shook her head and set her hands on her hips, looking momentarily disgruntled by the lack of pockets to stick her hands in as she was accustomed to doing. "What do ya do, then?"

                "One has fun. I'm told it's therapeutic."

                "Thera-whatsit?"

                "It's good for you."

                "Feh," the pseudo-girl repeated. "What's it s'posed t' do, 'cept make ya lazy an' take yer guard down?"

                "That is in part the point of it," Ku Lon said with a smile. "If one remained wary all the time, one would get very tired very fast." She chuckled and chucked a bit of flotsam at the girl-who-was-a-boy; Ranma batted it aside, then blinked as she actually noticed it. "You see?" the Matriarch said. "Your training was intended in part for times such as this. You have more than sufficient reflexes to allow yourself to relax once in a while and trust them to protect you."

                "Feh," Ranma said yet again. It seemed to be her word of the day – or her way of saying 'that's not good enough.' "I still don't get why ya wanted t' drag me all th' way out here bad enough t' bring th' Tendous along." Ranma unconsciously moved aside a little; there was a bit of electricity sparking between Xian Pu and Akane. The Japanese girl was wading in the shallows down the way a little, and Xian Pu was audibly snickering at the girl's nervousness.

                Ku Lon sighed. Did Ranma just not understand the point of fun? This needed to be remedied.

                "Oh, just get out there, teishi," she said with false exasperation. Springing suddenly behind Ranma, she launched a light attack, which Ranma parried. But as good as the child was, Ku Lon was still vastly the better if she kept Ranma from innovating. Before the girl had a chance to do so, therefore, a skillful application of staff and pressure redirection sent her flying out over the water.

                "Yaaaah!" There was a huge splash. "Why, y' old mummy…!" the girl raged a moment or two later, as she surged up to the surface again, spluttering and spitting salt water.

                Ku Lon, who had made a leisurely leap after Ranma, sliced into the water in a neat dive so close that the girl recoiled by instinct, then surfaced a short distance away, a broad grin on her face as she tossed her head to move her white mane of hair out of her face. Mentally kicking herself for not braiding the mess before she started swimming, she said, "Well now, since we're already in the ocean… let me show you a fun water trick. Guard yourself!"

                She submerged, and was pleased to see Ranma easily come under and descend to the bottom in the clear water. Smirking, Ku Lon began to twirl her staff, and the water moved with it.

                Ranma's eyes widened then narrowed as the twisting cone of water moved towards her. She released some of the breath she was holding to sink quickly to the bottom, set her feet against the sandy surface, and sprang sideways. She might have made it, had she simply recalled the floatation factor. Ku Lon saw her eyes widen again in dismay as the twisting water caught her slightly. She tumbled out-of-control through the water for a moment before regaining her center and rising to the surface for air.

                Ku Lon also surfaced. "Have a care!" she called. "A girl's body is more buoyant than a boy's!"

                "Buoy-what?"

                "A female floats more easily. Prepare!"

                Again she dove, and again Ranma came down as well. This time, however, Ranma slipped sideways and down in the water, moving quickly out of range and kicking up sand as she went. The loose white crystals were caught up in the twirl, giving it a semi-transparent, glittering appearance. Ku Lon did not allow her to surface again this time, however, and instead redirected the force of the water to pursue the girl.

                Ranma grinned suddenly. This time, instead of attempting to evade the water-twist, she moved towards it. Ku Lon realized what she was doing when Ranma dropped into the center of the twist and remained hovering safely in the center.

                Ku Lon ended the maneuver and again surfaced, Ranma following a moment later. "Well done!" the Matriarch said. "You found the defense against that technique much faster than I expected." Then her grin became the slightest bit sharklike. "Now for the test – are you ready for the full technique?"

                Ranma blinked, but Ku Lon did not wait for a reply; she had already dropped back down into the deeper water and was readying herself for the full Water-Spin. The moment Ranma descended, Ku Lon released the technique.

                Water churned and crushed and carried both of them upwards. Ku Lon was prepared, but Ranma yelped, getting a mouthful of water, as they broke the surface and began climbing higher. Ku Lon could dimly hear shouts from the beach, but her focus was on maintaining control. The full execution of this particular technique handicapped the executor as much as it did the victim, with the sole exception that the executor was fully expecting it and presumably had a plan.

                The waterspout reached its peak as the Amazon Matriarch latched onto her hapless student's shoulders and put Ranma into a headlock. Before she could solidify her grip, however, Ranma twisted, and a change in the force of the churn separated them. Ku Lon bit back a laugh, not wanting to breathe water; already Ranma was figuring out how to use the waterspout to her own advantage!

                Feeling the force of the water lessen, Ku Lon decided not to attempt a second attack and moved to the edge of the waterspout. She kicked herself free of the writhing cone and dove downwards into the water. Ranma was not so fortunate, being unaware of the warning signs; the waterspout suddenly ceased, and girl and water both dropped a mass back into the ocean. Ku Lon backstroked a bit, then halted, treading water and waiting to see what her student would do next. After a moment or two, Ranma resurfaced, coughing water, swirly-eyed and grinning like a mad-woman. Pleased, Ku Lon began to leisurely swim forward.

                "Not bad, old ghoul!" the girl shouted, still grinning. "Wassa matter? Outta tricks already?"

                Ku Lon's grin widened. "Merely waiting for you to prepare yourself!" she called back. "Now… the Shark-Fist!"

                She thrust her hands forward, impacting the water and sending a concentrated column of it careening towards the 'girl'. Ranma erked and side-stroked, but the water-fist still impacted, forcing her down to the bottom. Ku Lon waited, and Ranma once again returned to the surface, looking slightly dazed but plainly still game for the lesson. "Keep 'em comin'! This is too easy!"

                "The Shark-Fist!"

                "Whups." Ranma dove, and the column of compressed water passed over her, the drag of the water pulling her back into still deeper areas. 'Man, the ghoul's good! How do I counter somethin' like this?' The other technique, whatever it was, had been fairly simplistic. All she'd needed to do was figure out how to see the shape of the water (hence the sand-kicking) and the defense had been simple.

                That thought triggered another, and Ranma hurriedly back-pedaled under the water, kicking up clouds of sand with each step and watching for any disturbance that would indicate a coming blow. Just in time; a third blow came in, and Ranma barely managed to evade it. One again, the drag of water behind it tugged at her, this time pulling her feet off the ocean floor.

                Ranma began swimming to the side, eyes open for a sign of another Shark-Fist coming her way. 'This is great!' she thought. 'This is kinda like mid-air, only harder 'cause ya can't move fast an' anythin' happenin' around ya moves th' water and effects how ya move!'

                Still, she was starting to get annoyed. This particular move was annoying, even more so because she knew Ku Lon was pulling the blows. What she needed was some way to make it affect her on her terms…

                'That's it!'

                Ranma answered the call of her lungs and surfaced again, releasing the spent air in her lungs and drawing in fresh. Ku Lon, closer to shore, turned. With an expression that Ranma had come to associate with a challenging grin (with that face, sometimes it was hard to tell), she swept her hands upwards. "Shark-Fist!"

                Ranma prepared herself; she was going to need all the momentum she could get to pull this off. As the water-stream came hurtling towards her, she spared one moment for the thought, 'If I'm wrong, this's gonna hurt…' Then she pulled herself into a line, hands forming an arrow-shape above her head, and dove straight into the oncoming water. Her body slammed into it with a shock, but she broke through the leading pressure and went inside the water-stream.

                This she could handle! It was like the time Akane had nailed her with the fire-hose during the match with Kodachi! Ranma began kicking and stroking her arms through the water powerfully. She swam towards Ku Lon using the stream of water as her road, gritting her teeth and ignoring the strain rapidly building as she fought the incredible pressure. Finally, after what seemed like ages and was doubtlessly only a few moments, the stream ended and she fell back into the water with a splash.

                Ku Lon blinked, then slowly smiled, plainly surprised by this particular counter. Ranma wasn't really sure why; one of her father's oldest lessons was, "Everything that gives an advantage for your opponent will become a bigger advantage for you when you use it correctly." The old fool might be a… well, an old fool, but he knew his martial arts.

                Ranma flicked her braid over her shoulder and waited, treading water. "Not bad, ol' ghoul," she said with a grin, pleased that the water was hampering the Amazon's movements as much as it did her own, which prevented the old woman from whapping her over the head with that staff again. "But d'ya hafta keep yellin' it every time ya punch?"

                Ku Lon smiled. "Of course not. It is merely a matter of style."

                "Well then, can I try?" Before the Matriarch could respond, Ranma executed a sweep-kick that missed the old woman by a mile. Then again, it wasn't supposed to connect. "Water-Wall!"

                A thick sheet of water rose like a miniature tidal wave in the wake of her kick. Without hesitation, Ranma jumped up and surged through and with the water as it crashed down towards the startled Matriarch.

                Ku Lon stared for the barest of moments, then dove for the underside of the wave, accepting a hefty dousing rather than being swamped under the peak of the water-wall. Ranma, at the crest, rode the wave all the way down and splashed into the water.

                They both came up laughing.

                The Tendous and Amazons were staying at a reasonable hotel, having somehow, just coincidentally ended up with rooms right next to each other. In fact, Ku Lon was perfectly aware that coincidence had very little to do with it. Once the Tendou family had become roped into the trip, Nabiki had taken command of the planning, with the support of both Kasumi and Ku Lon. The Tendou girl had very carefully arranged things to ensure that everything was acceptable to all concerned parties; a nice public bath as part of the installments, a good restaurant nearby, plenty of beds and even a division in the Tendou's room for the boys after Ku Lon logically pointed out that without privacy, Akane would doubtlessly deck Ranma at some point for 'being a pervert and peeping at her.' While Ku Lon had willingly agreed to cover the basic prices for both families, any damages done would be paid for by the offending party in question. This for the large part exempted Ranma, given as he almost never actually personally caused property damage, and seriously annoyed Xian Pu, who had somewhere gotten the strange idea that in Japan one was expected to create one's own entrances.

                Ku Lon had, in light of their close proximity, invited the Tendous (Genma being counted as one of them; Ranma was nominally a member of both groups) to dinner with them at the nearby restaurant. The offer, including as it did the promise that she would pay (so long as the meal for which she was paying was of a reasonable quantity), was accepted graciously.

                The dinner passed for the most part in silence. In the interests of preventing any unfortunate arguments or jealousy, Ranma was situated between Ku Lon and Nabiki, with Genma situated between Akane and Xian Pu, on the logic that the tension and anger sparking between the two would take the edge off his appetite (contemplating one's eminent death-by-getting-in-the-way will do that) and keep him too busy protecting himself to try any mischief like stealing food from the others. Soun sat next to Nabiki and Akane, and Kasumi sat between Xian Pu and Ku Lon. In Ku Lon's not-humble-at-all opinion, they'd done quite well at both dividing up potential trouble-spots (Soun and Genma, Akane and Xian Pu, Ranma and Akane OR Ranma and Xian Pu) and at putting people next to people who would be interesting.

                Nabiki had seemed slightly disappointed; Ku Lon suspected that the girl had been hoping to quietly grill Genma at the dinner table, when he couldn't escape by either using water to turn into either panda form or by intentionally misunderstanding the question. She settled instead on some casual general comments to the table as a whole, listening in on other conversations and occasionally inserting a choice comment or two when she felt the timing was right, and enjoying her meal.

                Akane and Xian Pu were trading dark looks and snippy comments, leaving Genma looking trapped and terrified between them – and as Ku Lon had hoped, Genma was so nervous that he actually ate at the pace of a normal hungry man. The actual exchanges between the girls was impressive; a true demonstration of equal ability though equal though differing handicaps – Xian Pu's linguistic clumsiness against Akane's mind-clouding temper. Fortunately, Genma was such a solid barrier that neither girl tried to escalate their feud to blows, and the food was so good that their mouths were more often occupied with chewing than with insulting.

                Soun simply ate, attempted to look wise and in control, and did his best to pretend that the two Amazons simply weren't there. Ku Lon might have been tempted to feel offended by the last, if Soun were not doing such a terrible job of it. He flinched every time she so much as moved her chopsticks!

                As for Ranma, he was apparently devoting his full attention to the wonderful meal, although Ku Lon suspected that he was giving at least a little attention to the conversations around him. If he had any thoughts or contributions, they were staying firmly in his head. This struck her as mildly unusual – shouldn't he have at least said something to Akane? Typically that was what started their fights – a badly-timed comment. But then again, he was not being directly assaulted; the girls had, somehow, begun a line of argument that did not involve him. Perhaps he was simply snatching after this chance to relax briefly before he got dragged into the line of fire again.

                Or perhaps a full day of water-sporting had taken its toll, and he was simply too tired for the foot-in-mouth to strike. After the Water-Wall stunt, the 'sparring session' had degenerated into a splash-fest, and the rest of the day had been spent splashing around and generally having fun.

                As for Ku Lon, she found herself becoming caught up in a very fascinating conversation with Kasumi. Their conversation began with simple, polite comments about cooking, which had developed into a very serious discussion of spices and the proper quantity to cook certain recipes to ensue the maximum quality for the minimum of time and energy. This discussion had led into some highly entertaining anecdotes about Ranma's stint as a waitress (and a surprising suggestion by Kasumi that perhaps Ku Lon should hire Ranma again, as plainly he had enjoyed the experience and that the responsibility of a job and a small income with which to manage himself would probably be beneficial in his adaptation to normal society), and finally into a rather startling discussion regarding shiatsu, of all things. Apparently Kasumi borrowed medical books from Dr. Tofu and read them in her spare time. The entire conversation was engaging and informative for both of them, and it was not until dessert that they reached a comfortable conclusion to their discussion and returned their attention to the other occupants of the table.

                Finally, as the dessert was polished away, Xian Pu looked up and smiled warmly at Ranma. "Pervert-girl too too violent, yes, Airen? Xian Pu much nicer."

                Akane steamed. Of all Xian Pu's barbs, the simple moniker pervert-girl was plainly the worst by the youngest Tendou's estimation. "Well, if you weren't busy running around like a cat in heat…"

                The fight continued, but Ku Lon had lost track of it, noticing a brief spasm in Ranma at the word cat. It suddenly occurred to her that she needed to find some way to 'learn' about the Neko-ken. Technically, she should not know that he possessed it. Yet… she didn't want to bring it up herself. She wanted to get Ranma to raise the topic first. Doing so would show that a bridge of trust had indeed been established between them.

                'The Tendous know of it, but only by necessity. How could I bring him to tell me?' And she wanted him to tell her. Finding out by seeing him go into the Neko-ken was just too hazardous. Firstly, if she were somehow associated with the threatening circumstance, Neko-Ranma would know, and she had a suspicion that Neko-Ranma's impressions would have direct effects on Ranma's subconscious. If Neko-Ranma got off on the wrong foot with her, it could set back her relations with Ranma, perhaps irrevocably. Second, Ranma would probably be mortified. His self-respect was very important to him, and avoiding the impression of weakness. His pride must suffer under the fear that drove him to flee in terror from a harmless household pet. The second also ruled out playing 'mysterious wise Sensei' and simply claiming that she had realized he knew it from day one.

                Complications, complications. Bah.

                Hopping up onto her staff from the chair, Ku Lon announced, "I have things to do. Play nice, girls, and kindly remember that if you break it, you buy it." Chortling at their near-lethal glares in her direction, Ku Lon hopped away. Tempting fate was so much fun! At least, it was as long as you weren't held accountable for the consequences.

                Xian Pu and Akane continued to verbally snipe at each other between glares. As Ranma retreated to the room (he may have been overconfident and socially clueless, but even he could tell when discretion was the better part of valor), Kasumi quickly patted out the small fires started by the sparks in the air between the girls.

                Genma just hid under the table and whimpered a little.

                Xian Pu was up to something.

                Ku Lon was as sure of this as… well, as an Amazon Matriarch who knew her heir and Great-Granddaughter quite well. For one thing, Xian Pu liked her sleep – so why would she bother to hurry out at the crack of dawn? Of course, the fact that she was moving with all the stealth she could muster might have something to do with Ku Lon's suspicions as well. The Matriarch had decided to hold her peace and see what would come, however. It would assuredly be entertaining, at the very least. That just simply seemed to be the normal state of affairs here.

                A chattering crowd at one end of the beach drew her attention to a pavilion that had been set up. A banner was raised above it proclaiming…

                "Martial Arts Melon-Splitting?" The group blink-blinked.

                "Who th' heck came up with that one?" Ranma asked, an eyebrow twitching.

                "IT'S A RACE! IT'S AN ART! IT'S A WAR!" the announcer proclaimed, roaring into his megaphone. "The rules are simple… contestants run while trying to split each other's watermelons. The first to reach the finish line with his melon intact wins!"

                Ku Lon listened with half an ear to the murmurs of the surrounding crowd. From the sound of things, they were as incredulous about this contrivance as she was.

                "Hmph. What a stupid idea."

                "I'm outta here."

                Akane jerked Ranma's arm. "Come on, what are you standing around for?"

                Ranma was looking suspiciously towards the pavilion. "There's gotta be some sorta catch t' this…"

                "And the prize for the winner is… a KISS FROM MISS SHAMPOO!"

                "OOOOOOOOH!" There was a thunder of speeding heartbeats and libidos. The whole beach of hormonal boys was hooked.

                "I knew it," Ku Lon and Ranma said simultaneously, Ku Lon with amusement and Ranma with disgust.

                Xian Pu looked down from her giant-watermelon pedestal and smiled dazzlingly (inadvertently causing another outburst of thumping hearts and drool). She'd plainly taken extra-special care with her appearance today; her violet-sheened hair was a flow of dark silk down her back, her lips were a deep ruby color and her jewelry glittered golden in the sun. She looked good and she knew it.

                "Nihao!" she caroled, waving. "Ranma win kiss, yes?"

                "You've gotta be kiddin' me," Ranma said with a deadpan expression. "We're both girls!"

                Xian Pu gracefully leapt and somersaulted through the air to land next to the group. Clasping her hands under her chin and looking dewy-eyed up through her eyelashes she said, "But Xian Pu feel so left out. No can swim because of too too bad curse. Airen play game for me, yes? Please?" She drew in a deep breath and looked down, lightly kicking at the white sand. "Ai… Ranma no need kiss if no want kiss as girl. Xian Pu understand. Pretty please?"

                Ranma began stammering. "H-hey, don't cry! I didn' mean it like that, it's just…"

                "Oh, just go ahead and live a happy life together!" Akane growled, turning away.

                Ku Lon absently tapped her chin. "The game itself may be a farce," she commented, "but… Hmmm. Even a farce may have its benefits, if your opponents are good enough." She grinned suddenly. "I suppose I shall have to play myself. It would be inappropriate for me to allow some unskilled young male to win a kiss from my great-granddaughter simply because there were no worthy opponents to champion her." The Matriarch turned and smiled at Ranma. "If you require additional motivation, teishi, then here is an offer: should you win, I will teach you the Shark-Fist."

                "Hey, that might be…" Suddenly Ranma blanched. "NO WAY! I AIN'T NO WAY LETTIN' YOU THROW ME INTA A TANK'A SHARKS!"

                Oops. "That's not how it's taught, teishi." No kidding it wasn't. That would be… ouch.

                "Oh. Well… deal, then! Get ready t' lose, ol' ghoul!" Ranma grinned toothily.

                Xian Pu gasped in delight and her eyes sparkled. "Ranma fight for me, yes?" She lunged forward and glomped onto the smaller girl, inhibitions cast aside in favor of delight. "I TOO HAPPY!"

                Ranma yelped and waved her arms and legs wildly in an attempt to escape. "No, no, no!" she cried, pigtail standing straight up in panic.

                The gathered boys whispered to each other, but most seemed to accept the explanation that the two girls were simply good friends. Akane was not so accepting of the public display of affection. Ku Lon was suddenly grateful that she had applied a thick coat of sunscreen before setting out that morning as a dark glow seemed to churn around the short-haired girl and a hot pressure began to beat on the poor Matriarch's fragile (HAH!) skin. The girl turned and stomped away, leaving not-so-small craters in the sand.

                Kasumi sighed. "Poor little sister. She's not having much fun on this trip, is she?" The eldest Tendou daughter turned to Nabiki. "Still, it does sound like a fun game. Are you going to play, Nabiki?"

                "Me?" Nabiki arched an eyebrow. "Nah, I'm not interested in getting myself into a middle of stick-happy hormone-driven clods with not much muscle and less brain. Besides, I can't say the prize is particularly appealing to me. No offense, Shampoo."

                "Xian Pu no is upset. She no interested in nibble-girl anyway. No interested in horny-boys, either. Just Airen."

                "Nibble-girl?" Nabiki demanded, as though offended.

                "Always have snack to nibble on, but never take big bites. Nibble sound like Nabiki, anyway. Have same first syllable."

                Ranma snorted, and put a hand on her mouth to hide a broad grin. Nabiki sent the boy-girl a false glare, then shrugged. "Well, whatever. My point stands. This is a boy's game."

                Ku Lon set her fists on her hips. "Are you calling me a tomboy, young lady?"

                "Ah…" Nabiki and Ranma both backpedaled, Ranma out of reflex and Nabiki out of caution.

                Ku Lon glowered at them just long enough to make them sweat a little, then smiled. "Thank you for the compliment, it was very kind."

                Ku Lon had the distinct pleasure of seeing Nabiki face-fault for once and plant her face in the sand. Slowly the girl pushed herself back to a standing position, shaking her head ruefully. "I should have seen that one coming," she said in a wry tone. "I've been hanging around Akane far too long."

                "Yes, you have," Ku Lon agreed. "Especially if you think 'tomboy' would be an insult to a Chinese Amazon."

                "Attention! Would the contestants of the Martial Art Melon-Splitting Race please come to receive their melons and their bokken, then take their places? And… uhhhh… would the prize please desist from hanging onto one of the contestants and resume her place on the Great Watermelon?"

                Xian Pu pouted, released Ranma, and obliged. Ranma and Ku Lon allowed the sudden flow of the crowd to carry them along, while Kasumi and Nabiki headed out to find a good vantage point from which to enjoy the show.

                "Huh?" the girl-at-the-moment said suddenly, noticing two familiar figures ahead of them. "What th' heck are Pops 'n' Mr. Tendou doin' in th' race?" She turned a little green. "Don't tell me they're goin' fer this kiss thing, too! Ick."

                "Ick is a good description of that particular mental image, teishi." Ku Lon allowed herself a brief, full-body shudder at the thought. "More probable, though, is that they are simply attempting to ensure that you do not kiss Xian Pu."

                "I wasn't gonna anyway…"

                "Let them have their fun, teishi. It makes them feel useful."

                Ranma glanced sidelong at Ku Lon as they accepted their melons (although Ku Lon eschewed the offered bokken in favor of her staff). Ku Lon smiled to herself; she could sense the competitive spirit building steam in her teishi. "So why th' heck are you playin', ol' ghoul?"

                "Don't get me wrong," Ku Lon said lightly. "I just got to thinking about when I was a young girl, playing on the beach…"

                "How many centuries ago was that?"

                Ku Lon smiled evilly, and let her wrinkles do most of the horror work. "You shall learn, young one. You shall learn." They took their places.

                "On your marks… Get set… GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

                Ku Lon hung back, knowing that none of the poor, hapless boys stood a chance but willing to offer them the illusion of competition. Ranma, on the other hand, rocketed forward – and where she went, she left a dripping, sticky mess of red from the splitting of many, many melons. "GET OUTTA MY WAY!"

                Ku Lon decided that it would be no fun for Ranma to have an easy trip. She leapt high into the air.

                "Whoa!" Ranma yelped, twisting to evade Ku Lon as the Matriarch sliced through the air where the pseudo-girl's melon had been moments before and struck the sand with mighty force. "I ain't getting' beat that easy, ol' ghoul!"

                Ku Lon smiled. "I would be disappointed if you were. However…"

                She didn't have a chance to finish. Soun and Genma crashed between them as they collided and each foiled the other's attempt to smash Ranma's melon.

                "Ranma! How could you? You're engaged to Akane!" Soun wailed, grabbing onto the small girl's arms and wagging his head back and forth as tears streamed from his eyes. "How can you be trying to win Shampoo?"

                "WAIT a minute!" Ranma snapped.

                "Never mind, Father!" Akane shouted as she raced by. "I couldn't care less if Ranma wants Shampoo!"

                "Well, you wouldn't know if from the way she's acting," Ku Lon overheard Nabiki comment between bites of corn as Akane spearheaded a one-girl charge, leaving a trail of split melons in her wake.

                "Go, Akane, go!" Kasumi cheered, clapping her hands.

                "Only four contestants remain!" the announcer roared. "The pigtailed girl, the mustachioed man, the panda, and the living mummy!"

                Ku Lon jumped up and clonked the dolt over the head. "Who are you calling a mummy?" she demanded, before dropping back to resume her sparring with Ranma.

                "Wait! There's one more! The short-haired girl is taking the lead!"

                Akane roared forward, the sound of her feet in the sound drowned by the cheers of the boys, who had universally decided that, if they couldn't get the contested kiss, they wanted one of the cute girls to get it, rather than a middle-aged man, a panda or a granny. With Ranma occupying Ku Lon, Genma and Soun, her way was clear…

                Except that it wasn't. A slender figure landed lightly on the sand, squarely in her path, in a fighting pose, melon held behind her and high up as she threatened the Japanese girl with a bokken.

                "No one get by me… except Ranma!" Xian Pu declared, eyes narrowed with determination. "Not even Great-Grandmother!"

                "What's this?" The announcer shouted. "The prize is joining the fight!"

                Akane prepared herself for battle. "Sorry, but you're wrong! No one's getting by me except your grandmother – and especially not that pervert!"

                A groan from the crowd made both girls glance back. With Ku Lon occupying Ranma, Soun and Genma had decided to make a dash for the finish line and prevent Ranma from winning that way. Ku Lon saw them at the same moment as Ranma, and redoubled her attack. Not that she wanted the fools to win – but she also knew that as much as she disliked the thought, the girls would dislike it that much more. There was some potential in this situation – and plenty of distance to the finish line as a safety net should the girls not pull through.

                Akane glanced at Xian Pu, and the Amazon returned the look. This situation required desperate measures, and they nodded in unison.

                "No let fathers ruin game," Xian Pu declared.

                "Darn straight," Akane agreed, turning to face the charge. "We'll finish this after they're dealt with."

                Ranma glanced at Ku Lon. "This's gonna be interestin'."

                "Indeed. Shall we watch?"

                "Why not?"

                Unstated truce settled, the two picked up their melons and started at a leisurely pace towards the conflict, still sparring lightly. Ahead of them, the fathers came to a screeching halt as they realized their way was not entirely clear.

(A.N. Sorry about the delay in getting this out. Writer's block struck – again. On the plus side, I have a very clear mental image of how the remainder of this escapade will go. I have to admit, the story is getting more and more drawn out. I originally thought that the Sensei section would end fairly quickly, but I'm just having too much fun writing the preliminaries.

                I'm being remarkably mean to Akane, aren't I? On the other hand, in canon she got the most positive characterization. I'll try to be nicer, but for now my concentration is on the Amazons. After all, the vast majority of this story is in Ku Lon's PoV. As for Xian Pu… well, the change is starting to affect her, as well. Besides, I felt sorry for her. At the beach, and she can't even go swimming because of her curse!

                Thanks to Kenko for Ranma's reaction to Ku Lon's offer of training in the Shark-Fist. I hope you don't mind me borrowing it. ^.^; And also thanks to everyone else who has reviewed this story so far!

                To Khimenmo Victor: You mentioned a little while ago that the whole engagement is as much about taxes as anything else. I just wanted you to understand why I'm not following that angle: I know nothing about legalities, and things like that are too serious to just BS on. Besides, BSing always ends up sounding corny and contrived.

                As a side note, I just put in a big order at Amazon.com (laughs Sorry – just remembering a running joke in Kenko's Girl Days), and the vast majority of my order was Ranma books! Yay! So this story will probably proceed to completion, maybe even over the course of this summer! (At least, I hope so, because I suspect that I won't have a lot of time for hobbies when at college.)

                As ever, read and review. I have open ears for ideas, and I try to give credit, so if you can think of something for Ku Lon to do, let me know!

                A last request: Does anyone know where I could get Ranma mp3s? There seems to be a remarkable scarcity, and given as I write best when I have music that somehow is associated with my topic…

Coming up, Chapter Eight: The Beach Battle Continues! Fathers v. Akane/Xian Pu Alliance!)