Chapter I Doubts

Ten years has passed but still the memories still remained fresh in her mind. She sometimes thought that two years or five years at most would erase those memories of a time that was so extraordinary that thinking about it now would seem impossible. But how can she deny that such time actually happened when she had the proof… a single white feather.

It was a bright day, beautiful really. The sky is blue with just enough clouds to provide some shade from the dazzling sun. The grass is green and the air is fragrant with the flowers blooming. A perfect day for an engagement party… well an engagement picnic, very romantic.

She's getting married and she has only a few weeks to wait. Finally she's going to become a Mrs. Kenji Tenoh and not just a miss, a Miss Hitomi Kanzaki. As she looked at her guests, her family and friends everybody was having a good time, everybody was happy. So how come she wasn't? This is supposed to be the happiest day of her life or the second happiest day of her life since it's an engagement party. Then next, the wedding, the would-be happiest day of her life. She's been in a frenzy of activity this month preparing for the wedding. She was very excited and happy. Well happy until just a week ago. Why did she have to raid the attic that day then she would still be happy…excited for her wedding. Now all she has been doing was thinking, going back to those days that were really unbelievable, come to think of it. Thinking about it now it seemed more like a dream.

"Hitomi? Are you alright?"

"Yukari! Of course I'm alright. Are you enjoying the party? She replied. She didn't want Yukari to worry especially in her condition. She's pregnant and she doesn't want to burden her with problems. Problems that would doubtless become hers since it has been their habit to share each others troubles. That's what best friends are for.

"Hitomi, don't lie to me. I know you haven't been yourself this week. Something is troubling you so give it up already."

The problem with best friends is that they know you too well. And in this particular case, this best friend won't give up until she had her answer. A very useful talent, which right now she considers to be a curse.

"Promise. I'll tell you all about it but not just right now, okay? I'm still trying to figure it out myself."

"Figure what out? Hitomi, you're not making sense."

"Trust me you're not the only one who thinks that way."

"You know, I have this odd sense of déjà vu just about now. I think this scene have happened before. Oh I know! We were standing exactly here, right on this area. Why this is the same tree. It was 8 years ago I think?"

"It was 9 years ago."

Yes, nine years ago. Months after she had gotten back from Gaea, the world that changed her life. The world were her dreams of angels became reality. Were she had met Van, her angel. The world that she desperately tried to forget all these years since the day the link between her and Van was severed. She didn't know why it happened maybe because she had been so busy then with school she didn't have the time to talk with him. And when she discovered that he was forever lost to her it was the saddest day of her life. It was as if a part of her was taken away and she didn't know how to get it back.

"Aha! I remember now. You were so lonely then, just like you're lonely now."

"Me? Lonely? Why do you say that? This is my engagement party! And may I remind you that I'm going to be married 3 weeks from now. I'm on my way to living in wedded bliss just like you. So why do you say that I'm lonely? I'm possibly the happiest woman right now!"

"But you're not."

And those simple words blew up the bubble she has been in a moment ago. She was deflated; it made her realize that these past few months she had been living in a fantasy world. A world, were she tried to be happy and content to whatever life have given to her.

"Hitomi, I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that. Me and my big mouth, I should have just shut up. The thing is I couldn't just stand here and see you make the biggest mistake of your life."

"Mistake? What do you mean mistake? Do you mean my getting married?"

"Yes. I don't mean that Kenji doesn't love because I know that guy is head over heels in love with you. But you on the other hand are different. You don't love him and that is a big mistake if ever you would go on with the wedding. I know you like Kenji but liking is not enough. You would not be fair to him."

"Yukari, since when did you realize this and why are you telling me just now?"

"Actually it was when you just started on dating him."

"What? All along you knew that we weren't right for each other? Tell me why now? Why did you just decide to tell me about this right now?"

"Because I really thought you could be happy with him. Well, you were content just a few weeks ago but this few days you were really down. I thought maybe you realized you were never really in love with him. I decided to tell you this right now to give you strength to show you that you will always have me at your side no matter what. And actually I was going to tell you this, days ago but you were always so busy preparing for this party and for the wedding. This is I think the first time that the two of us have been able to talk, just the two of us."

It was true she had deliberately tried to immerse herself with constant activity so that she will forget the past. To keep it a bay and eventually come to forget, it just as she had done years ago, nine years ago. But still Van's ghost would not fade. Why did I have to find that blasted feather? Finding that feather in the attic was the reason why I'm in this predicament right now. That feather brought back all those memories.

"Yukari, why do you say that it will be a big mistake? Didn't you just say that Kenji loves me? And I like Kenji. Maybe a few years from now I would grow to love him."

"Hitomi, I know you and I know you and Kenji have been dating for the last 2 years. Don't you think that some where between those times you could have learned to love him? I know that when you're in love it shows in your face, in your eyes just like it did years ago."

"You mean what I felt with Amano?"

She was so annoyed with Yukari that she could not resist teasing her a little.

"Hey, that's my husband you're talking about."

"Just joking. Being pregnant sure did make you a wonderful counselor. Maybe we should publish this in a psychology journal. I could see the headline now "Pregnancy makes great Therapists". We could win a Nobel Prize!"

"Ha ha ha. Very funny Kanzaki. Let's be serious here. Hitomi, what are you going to do now?

"I don't know, I just don't know. Yukari I have to be by myself for a while okay. I think what I need is to have a little walk. You should go back to the party. You must be hungry right now. Remember you're eating for two right now."

"Okay, I'll leave you now but if ever you need me just call."

"Thanks, you're the world's greatest best friend."

And finally she was alone. She looked back at the party and she saw Kenji wave at her and she waved back. Yukari was right she did like Kenji bust liking is a long way from loving and that would not be fair to Kenji. He was a nice man and he deserved better. She was wondering why someone didn't fetch her back to the party considering it was her party in the first place. Then she realized that to someone who might have seen her and Yukari talking it would seem that they were having a serious girl to girl about her getting married and Yukari giving her advises on married life. They must have felt that they needed some privacy. How ironic. If they realize that what Yukari gave her was an advice to forget the wedding there will be an uproar.

As she walked farther she thought of the things that Yukari had said. She tried to deny the truth behind those words but she was never a hypocrite. She knew that all those words were true. Deep inside she knew that she never really loved Kenji, she was only in love with the idea of being in love. But the truth is she was still carrying a torch over someone she met almost 10 years ago. Van. She wondered what happened to him all these years, how did the years treat him.

"I don't know if I'm still in love with him but I know that I'm still not over him. It was with him that I really felt complete. But still 10 years is a lot, you'll never know what will happen to people in those years. Maybe if I see him again I'll know."

Then something happened. A vision! She has not had a vision for years. After she got back from Gaea somehow her visions had stopped and now she suddenly saw a vision of a white dragon streaking a night sky. Her heart quickened. What could this mean? Without her realizing it she suddenly felt excited, more excited than she had been these past months. she started walking lost in her reverie until she came at the other side of the hill where there was a bench and a wishing well.

There! The wishing well beckoned her as if she was meant to be there in order to find the well. If the vision were to be interpreted, she was to meet Van again. She walked to the wishing well dug out a coin in her purse and tossed it in the well and wished as she had never wished before in her life.

"Yukari? Where's Hitomi?"

"oh, Mrs. Kanzaki! I think she must have wandered a bit far on the hill, don't worry I'll get her."

"Yukari, wait don't forget you're pregnant be careful. I'll go with you honey."

"Amano, I'm perfectly fine. I'm only five months on the way you know. Im not a balloon yet."

"My love you will never be a balloon. You will always be the sexiest woman to me."

"Liar."

As they walked farther on the hill, they saw Hitomi by the well on the other side of the hill. Then something happened…

A familiar white light streaked the sky and engulfed Hitomi. anf then all was still, and Hitomi who just a second ago stood before them was nowhere to be found.