STICKS AND CARROTS

Part One: Sensei

Chapter Eight

                The hot sun blazed down with relentless force on the white sand, but no one moved. They instead snacked on what remnants of sand-free watermelon they could find and sat back to watch the show.

                "What have we here?" the announcer roared. "It looks like an exciting match, folks! The short-haired girl and the prize" –a roar of approval from the audience drowned him out for a moment, and he repeated himself– "The short-haired girl and the prize have joined forces against the alliance of the mustachioed man and the panda!" At the mention of the latter two, there was a chorus of boos and razzes.

                The combatants mentioned were seemingly unaware of the announcer. Soun stared at his youngest daughter, two tear-rivers flooding down his face. "Akane… why…"

                Behind him, the panda glared and held up a sign. [Foolish girls! Out of the way!]

                "No move for stupid panda-man," Xian Pu snorted.

                "Daddy, I can't believe you!" Akane shouted, exasperated. "Why are you trying to win Shampoo?"

                The rivers turned into geysers. "WAAAAAHHHH! MY BABY GIRL THINKS I'M A PEDOPHILE!"

                Xian Pu glanced at Akane. "When fight, Xian Pu take panda-man."

                "Huh? Why do I have to fight my father?"

                "Because perv… Akane have advantage against silly father. He no fight hard; is easy fight. Then can gang up on sneaky panda-man. Besides, he cry so much, probably trigger curse."

                "Good point. Alright, all we have to do is bust their melons without getting ours hit, anyway." Akane braced herself. "How hard could that be?"

                "Akane regret saying that soon…"

                Before Akane could demand an explanation, she was the unhappy recipient of a demonstration as the fathers charged. Even as the girls separated to intercept their intended targets, Soun and Genma went after their preferred targets… which were essentially the opposite.

                After a moment or two, Ranma shook her head and slapped a hand over her forehead. "Okay, I'm getting' dizzy."

                "They certainly are using up a great deal of energy for a remarkable lack of results," Ku Lon agreed. "Although I'm not sure I understand why Genma chose to attack Akane rather than having both of them team up on Xian Pu."

                Ranma snickered. "Tha's too easy. Akane's th' easy target. He ain't gonna do anythin' harder 'n absolutely necessary."

                "Why aren't you two breaking it up, or fighting each other, or just walking past them?" Nabiki asked curiously, strolling up. "It's not like they're noticing anyone else at the moment."

                "'Cause this's kinda interestin'," Ranma admitted.

                "We originally wanted to see what the girls could do if they set aside their differences and worked together," Ku Lon explained. "However, circumstances seem to be conspiring against us."

                Nabiki shook her head and continued watching the four. They were wearing a circle in the sand from chasing each other. While Akane pursued Soun, Soun pursued Xian Pu who pursued Genma who pursued Akane.

                "It ain't gonna last long," Ranma said in a sage tone of voice. "Jus' watch."

                Sure enough, in the next moment Genma crashed to the sand following an unsuccessful tackle-strike. Xian Pu skidded to a halt before crashing into him, barely. She didn't have the time to do anything, though, before she was forced to dodge Soun's strike at her melon. Soun would have pursued his advantage, except that Akane was right behind him and collided.

                Nabiki blinked. "Ouch. I thought this was a race, not football."

                Ku Lon put a hand over her mouth to hide her giggles (even Amazon Matriarchs can abandon dignity once in a while); Ranma just snickered. "Man, d'they look silly or what?"

                "PANDA-MAN NO GET AWAY SO EASY!" Xian Pu roared, as Genma attempted to take advantage of the sudden distraction to slither away towards the finish line. Of course, he was far too rotund to actually slither – and an overweight giant panda doing an inchworm imitation was not exactly inconspicuous. Not to mention one of the weirder things Ku Lon had ever seen.

                Genma turned to see the Amazon charging at him, a wicked grin on her face. Thinking quickly, he whipped out a sign. [Look! Behind you! A giant bag of cat food!]

                The silence was deafening.

                [Ummmm… Wait! Look! A Godzilla-sized can of tuna!]

                Xian Pu began to seethe.

                Soun began to oh-so-carefully tiptoe forward, then swung his bokken at the perfect force, angle and distance needed to knock the Amazon warrior out without coming too close to that nasty aura that was starting to form around her. At least, he meant to. He found himself brought up short by his youngest daughter, who calmly blocked him, pushed him back (when had she gotten so strong?) and turned to face Xian Pu.

                "Shampoo… Don't worry about interference. I'll handle Daddy. You deal with that… panda."

                "Akane too too kind," Xian Pu somehow managed to say pleasantly despite the fact that her teeth were gritted together so forcefully that stone would have splintered between them.

                "Don't worry about it. Have fun."

                "Xian Pu will." Genma began to sweat – especially when Xian Pu calmly set down her melon, tossed her bokken aside, and cracked her knuckles. "Xian Pu most definitely will."

                [Ummm… A pool full of milk?]

                Ranma groaned and buried her face in her hand briefly. "Man. An' I thought I was bad."

                Ku Lon just shook her head. "I think Darwin missed that one…" And apparently, Ranma had come by his little foot-in-mouth problem honestly.

                "Actually, for Genma, that was pretty clever," Nabiki said with a shrug, accepting a bag of popcorn from Kasumi. The eldest Tendou daughter simply smiled sweetly and sipped her lemonade.

                Xian Pu simply smiled, slowly, sweetly, dangerously. Genma gulped. He'd seen similar smiles – usually on his wife's face. This did not look good. In fact, it would probably hurt a great deal.

                When he woke up (estimated time: the next century or his next meal, depending on if said meal was within the range of his highly trained nostrils), he would have to give himself a pat on the back for his remarkable prescience… provided that he was capable of moving.

                Akane forced herself to tune out the sounds of Indiscriminate Violence being dished out to a certain deserving panda. She had a bawling father to deal with – again.

                "WAAAAAH! MY BABY GIRL'S TURNED AGAINST THE FAMILY!"

                "Daddy, please!"

                "And now, the short-haired girl against the mustachioed waterfall and the prize versus… uh… ouchie… that had to hurt… ummm, nevermind that. A final showdown…! But wait! The mummy and the pigtailed girl are still in the game!"

                Ku Lon bounced up and bonked him on the head again. What did it take to get an idea thorough to these blockheads? Mummy, indeed! "Oh, be quiet and let us enjoy the show!"

                "Errrr… yes'm."

                Soun's tears shut off remarkably quickly, and once more he was the stern, in-control man in control of his household (or at least a reasonable facsimile). "Akane, darling, please move."

                Akane almost obeyed. Unfortunately for her father, she saw Soun's eyes flicker ever so briefly towards a green striped globe lying peacefully in the white sand a secure distance away from the Indiscriminate Violence Dust-cloud (which currently was showing several panicky panda faces, flashes of purple, and multiple signs saying things like, [Uncle! Uncle!], [Have mercy on an old man!], [HEEEEEEELP!!!!], and [Fish cakes! That way, away from me!] And, of course, any number of smaller signs reading [OUCH!]). "Oh no you aren't, Daddy!" She moved quickly to place herself in her father's path.

                Oh, great. Niagara-imitation again. "But… Akane… why are you protecting Shampoo's melon?"

                Akane raised her chin. "Father, stop trying to distract me."

                "Very well." He raised his bokken and visibly braced himself. "Forgive me, daughter!"

                Ku Lon glanced at Ranma. "Well, teishi? What would you say of Akane's fighting skills?"

                "Huh?" Ranma blinked at her. "Whatcha askin' 'bout Akane for?"

                "I'm curious to see how your analytical skills have developed."

                Ranma sighed explosively as she turned to look back at the fight. "Always tests," she grumbled. Looking closely at the combat, she crossed her arms and unconsciously stood a little straighter. "Well… her defense is a bit sloppy. I don't think she's used ta people actually tryin' t' hit her. An' she thinks in lines. Straight forward, back – she doesn' really factor in angles or nothin'." Ranma tilted her head a little. "'t's kinda funny, actually – she doesn't have Anything Goes ingrained in 'er. Not really. Ya can still pick out the moves she's makin' easy, an' she doesn't transition between styles a lot, or smoothly."

                Ku Lon nodded, her patented Inscrutable Smile playing on her lips. "Very good, teishi. Very good."

                From the beach-battlefield, there came a hollow shwok. A massive groan went up from the gathering as splashes of red came flying from the Dust-cloud. Nabiki choked on a handful of popcorn, and Kasumi gasped.

                "Huh, I was wonderin' when she was gonna do that," Ranma commented, idly slapping Nabiki on her back. (Fortunately for the middle Tendou daughter, Ranma was paying enough attention to pull the blow a bit.) "Actually, I 'xpected her t' do it sooner. Wonder what took so long?"

                Nabiki coughed and looked up at him, aghast. "Ranma! How can you be so casual? Someone's gotten hurt!" She gestured wildly at the splotches of red on the sand.

                Ranma blinked at her, and Nabiki noted, incongruously, that at some point the pseudo-girl had balanced her melon on the top of her head, where the cool air wafting off it fell down over her face and shoulders. "Whatcha so worried about, Nabiki? Shampoo just popped Oyaji's watermelon, that's all."

                Nabiki looked at him, then turned, plopping down to sit in the sand with an explosive sigh. She looked bemusedly towards the fight. "Okay, now I feel dumb."

                "Well… Miss Shampoo was quite angry at Uncle Saotome," Kasumi said consolingly.

                Akane was unaware of the side conversation. All she was aware of was a panicky feeling that it was a good thing her father was wailing at the top of his lungs – the pauses he had to make to catch his breath were lifesavers.

                Then, she made a mistake; one of her father's blows was stronger than she'd anticipated, and she was forced back a step. She managed to avoid stepping on Xian Pu's watermelon, but it was close, and her balance was off, and she was about to fall over backwards…

                "Aiyah! Akane be careful!"

                Akane had a moment of feeling someone grab her (and a moment to wonder, 'Mountain lilac? Who would be wearing perfume at a BEACH?') before Xian Pu deposited her on her feet again, the Amazon's melon safely balanced on her poised foot.

                "Akane need be more careful," Xian Pu lectured, relocating the melon to a more stable position on her hand. "Stand still much too much, no can handle moving quickly like that."

                Akane snorted. "Whatever."

                Soun's tears streamed even faster. "Y-you're ganging up on me? Oh, how cruel!" His piece said, the Tendou patriarch moved to the attack again.

                "Crybaby much too serious. Is all in good fun, yes?" Xian Pu lithely leapt away from the lashing sweep of the bokken.

                "Really, Daddy! Do you have to keep making a – urk! – scene?" Akane rolled sideways, arching her back and tucking herself around her precious melon to protect it.

                "Forgive me, daughter, but I must do this! I will not permit…"

                Shwok.

                "Too too late." Akane and Xian Pu both extracted their fists from the place where the Tendou patriarch had carelessly left his melon in his hurry.

                "Sorry, Dad," Akane said apologetically, "but you're disqualified."

                Tendou Soun stared at the remains of his watermelon in much the same manner as a starving man would stare at ruined food (which, in fact, it was in a way).

                "A dramatic battle!" the announcer roared, in his element. "The panda and mustachioed man are both disqualified due to loss of melons! Oh, and, by the way, could a medic please see to the panda? I'm fairly certain those contortions are not naturally possible…"

                The panda-pretzel, revived by the scent of food all around him (not to mention on him – split watermelons in the middle of a Dust-cloud of Indiscriminate Violence are messy), growfed and tried to move, quite unsuccessfully.

                "Anyway, the prize and the short-haired girl are the only ones – WAIT! THE PIGTAILED GIRL AND THE LIVING MUMMY – Ouch! Would you stop that please, ma'am? – ARE STILL QUALIFIED! AND NOW THEY RETURN TO THE FIELD!"

                "Wow. That guy's gonna go deaf pretty soon," Ranma commented, strolling down to the field as she stretched, her melon still balanced atop her head.

                "Let him have his fun, teishi," Ku Lon replied, lightly tossing her melon and chuckling as people did double-takes when they realized the melon was as big as she was. Not that that said very much, given how tall she was, but still, the looks were almost compensation for the 'living mummy' cracks. Almost.

                "Ranma! Hurry, get to finish line!"

                "Cologne! Come on, aren't you in this to protect your great-granddaughter's honor?"

                The two girls turned and glared at each other.

                "What pervert-girl doing?" Xian Pu demanded, eyes narrowing dangerously. "Xian Pu no let anyone but Airen win!"

                "I told you – no one's getting by me except that Great-Grandmother of yours!"

                "So ends the great Xian Pu-Tendou Akane alliance," Ku Lon said with a sigh as the girls turned on each other, watermelons raised high in the air behind them and bokken crossed. "May it rest in peace." As the girls continued glaring daggers at each other, she simply set her watermelon on her fingertip and spun it. Once she was confident that it would continue spinning, she simply strolled right past. "Teishi? Aren't you coming?"

                Ranma, who had been staring bemusedly at the girls, nodded, began to run, and went airborne.

                "No one pass except Ranma!" Xian Pu declared.

                "Sorry, but…" Akane readied herself to charge, "you're wrong!"

                SHWOK.

                Ranma flew over the combatants, her legs outstretched and her feet trailing a few seeds. Akane and Xian Pu stared after her, the remains of their melons still in their hands.

                "Pay attention!" Ranma shouted over her shoulder, landing lightly on the sand and continuing her sprint as though she'd never left the ground.

                "A stunning turn of events!" Ku Lon heard the announcer shout with glee as she turned to meet the oncoming girl, hopping on top of her watermelon for a slightly better vantage point. "Now only the pigtailed girl and the liv… um… the old woman remain! Who will win the kiss?"

                "Well, teishi?" Ku Lon said challengingly. "Are you prepared for battle?"

                "You bet." Ranma skidded to a halt and grinned fiercely. "I'm gettin' that technique, ol' ghoul!"

                Ku Lon smiled and began twirling her staff. "We shall see…"

                Ranma tensed, then sprang forward, her bokken held low, close to the ground. Ku Lon smiled and jumped, kicking her melon lightly into the air. Ranma was prepared, however; she let her hand drop farther and performed a one-handed handspring, her foot arrowing towards the melon. Ku Lon was forced to jump upwards as well to defend the fruit. The two martial artists dropped back to the sand, ready for the next exchange.

                Ranma's eyes were narrowed with concentration. Ku Lon simply assumed a very basic defensive position and waited, taking mental notes on Ranma's strengths and weaknesses and wondering what that sudden confident twist of the pseudo-girl's lips into a smile foreboded.

                "HERE I COME!" Ranma roared, charging again.

                'She must be feinting. She must be. No one would be stupid enough to charge headlong like that.'

                But Ranma seemed sincere. Ku Lon readied her staff for the simplistic counter that she had used the first day in the restaurant and readied herself to immediately adapt to whatever the real attack would be.

                "YAH!" Tp-tp-tp-tp-Jab! Pok! WHOOOOOOOM!

                Ranma went flying, and Ku Lon blinked. It hadn't been a feint?

                Then she realized exactly what she had sent Ranma flying towards, and burst into delighted laughter even as she snatched up her melon and raced to intercept the airborne girl before Ranma reached the coveted finish line.

                It was close; Ku Lon leapt up and swung her staff at the pseudo-girl, forcing Ranma to twist in midair and lose the precious bit of momentum needed to actually cross the finish line. "You didn't think I'd make it that easy, did you?"

                "Yow!"

                They dropped back to the ground, both landing lightly on their feet. Ku Lon had successfully maneuvered herself to be between Ranma and the finish line, but that was it. Her respect for Ranma's mastery of mid-air combat was increasing exponentially with every battle. 'Note to self: in the air, don't hold back half as much. She can more than take it, she can dish it right back out.'

                "Now the battle reaches its climax!" the announcer shouted. "The Martial Arts Melon-Splitting race has come down to a battle at the finish line! The first one whose melon is split loses!"

                Ku Lon smiled. "Well, then, shall we begin? After all, you're almost ready to defeat me… give or take a hundred years!" Darting forward, she began to circle her student, kicking up a plume of sand with every stride.

                "Stop it!" Akane shouted from the sidelines, beginning to rush forward. "Kicking sand, how low can you go?!"

                Ku Lon didn't get a chance to reply; there was an explosion of sand, and Ranma went shooting upwards, her eyes tightly closed. She knuckled the sand away from them as she rose, and when they opened they were sparkling with glee. She grinned at Ku Lon, who was spitting sand out of her mouth (she'd gotten an unintentional bite of it in the flurry).

                "C'mon, ol' ghoul! Yer makin' this too easy!"

                Ku Lon prepared herself for another charge, then stopped short. The audience was shouting deafeningly (and loudly enough that whatever the announcer was shouting into his over-loaded megaphone was mute by comparison). Only two voices stood out from the crowd: Xian Pu shrieking in pure, totally undiluted joy, and Akane snarling in fury.

                Startled, the combatants looked up, and for the first time realized that they now stood on opposite sides of the banner proclaiming Finish Line.

                "Wow… I didn't mean y' were makin' it that easy…" Ranma said, scratching the base of her pigtail and shaking some sand out.

                Ku Lon just chuckled and shook her head. She'd been having so much fun, she hadn't even paid any attention to her surroundings. She hadn't made a mistake like that in centuries!

                'Ah well. It was going to happen anyway. I had planned to make him work for it, though!' Ku Lon noticed the challenging, battle-ready expression on Ranma's face had not altered in the slightest, however. 'Well, it would be a shame to let the fun end so quickly!'

                "Hah! Simply crossing a line, teishi? Do you think that will enable you to learn an ancient Amazon technique?" 'Not that it's particularly ancient. At least, no more ancient than I am… Oh, bother. It's ancient.' Ku Lon took a moment to set her melon somewhere safe. "By the way," she said off-handedly, "save your watermelon. We'll need the snack when we're done."

                By this point, the sound of the crowd had died down as they realized that the drama was not yet over. The announcer, who had temporarily given up on making himself heard, turned. His eyes widening in surprise, he raised the megaphone to his mouth again and began shouting into it, presumably out of habit. "W-What's this? They're still fighting!"

                Ku Lon began to advance at a slow, deliberate walk. "You have done well this far, teishi," she said with practiced serenity. (There was nothing like a bit of dramatic scene-building to make one's student sweat a bit.) "But now is the time for the real test to begin!"

                Her little psychological attack was effective; Ranma tensed, radiating, 'I'm ready for anything!' This, of course, in the style of Anything Goes, more often than not meant that you weren't ready. Ku Lon smirked and charged.

                "Whups!" Ranma leapt sideways, plainly intending to keep this confrontation at a distance if at all possible, at least until she had a measure of what Ku Lon was up to. The Matriarch wasn't playing along, however; Ku Lon simply swerved and caught the pseudo-girl just as her shapely foot delicately touched the sand. The staff twirled, and Ranma went flying out over the water, to end her sea-gull imitation (complete with startled squawk) with a splash.

                As the girl surged up in a fountain of water, Ku Lon leapt in after her. "I just thought you'd like to wash the sand off!" she called, chortling, before she hit the surface.

                Ranma twisted about in the water to keep the Matriarch in front of her. Ku Lon simply smiled and, placing her hands together at the wrist with palms splayed, shoved the water.

                Ranma didn't have a chance to avoid the rush of pressurized water. She was knocked back and right out of the ocean by the sheer force of it. "Ugh!"

                Ku Lon surfaced and smiled as Ranma struggled to catch her breath. "There is only one way to earn the Shark-Fist, teishi!" she shouted. "Defeat it!"

                "Y' old mummy…!"

                "Shark-Fist!"

                'Ain't any way I'm divin' into that!' Ranma thought, diving and down-stroking for all she was worth. The sheer drag of the force of the water was pulling her along after it, but getting dragged was better than getting slammed. The Shark-Fist that Ku Lon had been using earlier compared to this was like a playful tap compared to one of Ryouga's strongest punches. 'What 'm I s'posed t' do?'

                She stayed as low as she could and swam to the side. 'Need t' get a fair distance away b'fore I come up f'r air or she's gonna nail me again…'

                What to do? What to do? How the heck was she supposed to counter this technique if she didn't know how it worked?

                'Well, I'll just hafta figure it out, then!'

                Finally, she was forced to surface again, long enough to grab a lungful of air. It was, however, also long enough for Ku Lon to send another Shark-Fist her way. Ranma made a snap decision and spun in the water, trying to see exactly what the Matriarch was doing. Then she was forced to dive to the side to evade.

                At this point, Ranma finally noticed something, and she felt so stupid she nearly stopped and let the pressurized water hit her. 'It's not underwater! It trails water t' create th' drag, but I've never actually seen 'er actually throw th' thing underwater!'

                Letting herself sink down briefly, Ranma crossed her arms and thought. 'Hmmm… it seems t' be strongest at a little distance, but not a long one. So she's keepin' me at a distance where it's most effective, right?'

                Ranma began swimming in the opposite direction of the way she had gone before. A grin was starting to spread over her face. 'So… if it's only effective at th' surface, and best at a short distance… heh.' She surfaced again and filled her lungs to maximum capacity.

                "How long are we going to keep this up, teishi? Shark Fist!"

                Ranma went straight down, found a stone imbedded in the sand at the bottom, and clung to it with all her might as the main force of the drag passed over her. As soon as the pressure weakened, the pseudo-girl set her feet on the stone and kicked off, swimming straight towards the place where she had last seen the Amazon Matriarch. 'If she's 'xpectin' me t' follow th' pattern o' getting' outta th' way, she'll be lookin' fer me t' the sides, not right in front'a her…'

                The combined blows and swimming had put her at a remarkable distance from the Matriarch, but finally Ranma got close enough to make out the small form in the churned water. She swam closer…

                …just as Ku Lon, apparently tired of looking for her at the surface, dropped down beneath the surface.

                They stared comically in surprise at each other for several long moments.

                "Oops!" Ranma said. (Actually, it came out sounding something like "bloops," but it still successfully conveyed the sentiment she was trying to express.) She brought her legs under her, set them against the sand and jumped.

                The strength and leverage of her legs managed to get her entirely free of the waves. Dimly she could hear shouts of amazement (and something that sounded remarkably like "BAKA BAKA BAKA!!"), but she only managed to register the sounds in the back of her mind when Ku Lon surfaced, smiling evilly, right underneath her.

                "Shark-Fist!"

                Unfortunately for both Ku Lon and Ranma, the boy/girl had already begun her downward fall. The mass of water missed her, and what did hit her was not enough to stop her fall. She crashed into the Matriarch, and both of them sank spluttering under the waves for a moment before resurfacing.

                Ranma tried to glare at the Matriarch, but it was hard to be annoyed at someone who was plainly enjoying herself as much as Ku Lon was. "Well done, teishi! You figured out a solution remarkably quickly…"

                They both blinked, then. Why had the shouting become so panicked? And two voices in particular were rising above the crowd.

                "Ranma! Look out!"

                "AIREN! GRANDMOTHER!"

                They blinked at each other. Then a roaring sound, a shadow over them, and a sudden sense of foreboding made both of them look up.

                "ACK."

                Ku Lon blinked, feeling a bit of ironic amusement. "Oops."

                The Shark-Fist, having consumed its initial momentum, had decided to abide by the law of gravity and come back down. Straight down.

                BLOOOOOOOOOOOSH!

                Long minutes passed. The beach was silent.

                "What's happening out there?" Soun whispered, a chill in his limbs.

                Genma (now un-pretzeled, though still stained a light pink with watermelon juice) nervously dabbed at his forehead with a napkin.

                Xian Pu nervously chewed on her bottom lip. Akane stood stock-still, staring intently out over the water.

                Then a great disturbance exploded from the shallows. Ranma emerged, swinging Ku Lon's staff over her head and screeching like a banshee something about 'WATCH WHERE Y'RE THROWIN' THOSE THINGS NEXT TIME!' Said Matriarch was having trouble keeping ahead of the martial artist, largely because she kept falling over when she tried to stop laughing.

                "Ummmm… would the winner please collect her reward NOW?" the announcer called. The unspoken 'before something even more insane happens' was tacitly understood by all.

                "WHAT?!"

                "I certainly hope you're happy!" Akane snarled, turning her back on the pair standing at the top of the giant watermelon. She herself, as a third-place finisher (tied with Xian Pu, who didn't exactly count), was sitting on the slanted portion.

                Everyone was gathered around the watermelon. "Kiss! Kiss! We want to see the kiss!" they shouted more-or-less as a whole unit.

                "The point of the race was to win a kiss, teishi," Ku Lon said. She had attained second place in honor of being the only other person with a still-intact watermelon, and so she was permitted to sit at the top, although behind the victor. "The deal regarding the Shark-Fist was my own invention and a private bet between the two of us." The Matriarch turned to her great-granddaughter. "Which reminds me – Xian Pu, where did you get that lipstick? I know you don't own anything that… red. And I certainly know that I don't have any. To say nothing of the rest of the make-up."

                Xian Pu touched her lightly powdered cheek and blushed. "Announcer-man give Xian Pu pretty paints. Xian Pu curious. Nice lady offered to help. Is not nice look?"

                "Nice if you want to look like a cheap tart," Akane said waspishly. She was in a very bad mood. Not only did she have to put up with her father's antics, but Ranma had taken her out of the competition! They were supposed to work together, right? And not only that, but now she had to sit out here in the blazing hot sun listening to a bunch of perverts shouting.

                "KISS! KISS!"

                "What th' heck are they all yammerin' 'bout, anyway?" Ranma asked. "Like it ain't gonna look weird if two girls kiss?" She impatiently rubbed at her shoulder. She wanted to get this over with. She was hot, she was thirsty, and she was beginning to acquire a patchy white coating that crumbled into white powder whenever she moved and itched like hell as the sea water evaporated and left salt behind.

                "Ranma no want kiss?" Xian Pu asked, her face downcast.

                "KISS! KISS!"

                "BE QUIET!" Ku Lon ordered. The crowd was cowed.

                "Still, the kiss was part of the reward," the manager said from the pavilion next to the giant watermelon. "If they can't get the kiss themselves, the boys still want to see it. Besides, some of them think that having two attractive girls kiss is… ummm… well, attractive."

                "Oh, very well. But no smooching!" Ku Lon declared. She smiled as both girls turned very bright red.

                Xian Pu turned to Ranma and lightly put her hand on the girl's left cheek. Ranma began to get a very panicky look, probably from flashbacks regarding the Kiss of Death. Then Xian Pu leaned forwards and quickly kissed Ranma's right cheek.

                Then, before Ranma could do anything more than stiffen with surprise, Xian Pu gave her a very friendly hug and pressed her left cheek onto Ranma's right (to the flashing of Nabiki's camera). Then she (somewhat reluctantly) let go of the pseudo-girl and, grinning, pointed to the lipstick marking their faces. "Is good enough?" she asked.

                The crowd roared their approval, but the most vocal cry was not approval, it was anger.

                "I HATE YOU, RANMA!"

                "Not again!" Splash. Amazing how Ranma always seemed to get knocked into the water.

                "Ummm… miss? Could you ask the winner to please return? We need to bestow the other part of the award."

                A susurration went up from the crowd. "There's more?" "Another reward?"

                Ku Lon blinked. "And what, pray tell, is the other part of the award?"

                "Aiyah, why pervert-girl hit Airen like that, anyway? Kiss part of competition!"

                "And he went straight for it, the pervert!"

                "Actually," Ku Lon said delicately, "he wanted to win the competition in order to learn how to use the Shark-Fist."

                Ranma looked up from his watermelon. "Wish somebody'd mentioned this part'a th' reward."

                Nabiki grinned and nibbled at a slice. "Well, we certainly aren't going to be short on snack foods this summer."

                Above them, the tower of one hundred seventy-three watermelons (it once had been one hundred seventy-five, but they were hungry) rose proudly against the sky. One hundred for Ranma, fifty for Ku Lon, and twenty-five for Akane.

                There had been great moaning from the other spectators, not to mention hearty complaints that it wasn't fair that all the victors came from the same group.

                "Oh, my," Kasumi said yet again, looking up at them. "But… where will we keep them all?"

                "I'm sure we can work something out." Ku Lon finished her slice and decided that she'd had enough for one evening. Even taking into account the appetites of Ranma and Genma, the watermelons weren't going to be going anywhere fast.

                "Grrrr… Nibble-girl too too stingy…"

                "These are Kodak moments, Shampoo. Besides, I know any number of people who would pay a lot to see them. Besides, five thousand yen for a set of five isn't bad at all."

                "Is highway robbery!"

                "Nah. This is beachside profiteering. I have my standards."

                "Profit…"

                "Nevermind."

                Xian Pu sighed and scowled. "Three thousand yen."

                Nabiki sighed and made shooing motions. "Oh, please."

                "Xian Pu no have more money!" Xian Pu looked mournfully at the set of pictures. There was one of her peck on Ranma's cheek, two of them with their cheeks pressed together, looking like happy little cherubs, and two of them with the mirror-image lipstick-marks before Akane had lost her temper.

                "Perhaps lessons in Chinese?" Ku Lon suggested, remembering her earlier thoughts. If Ranma understood Chinese, training would be much simpler – not to mention he might notice the warnings on places like Jusenkyou in the first place. If Nabiki began learning, then they would have an innocent opportunity to offer that education to Ranma without worrying about accusations about 'getting ready to run off to China'.

                Besides, Xian Pu's Japanese really did need help, and one of the best ways of learning something was to teach it. In this case Ku Lon was applying a bit of a reversal to the concept, but the basic philosophy did apply.

                "/Thank you, Great-Grandmother!\" Before Ku Lon could chide her, Xian Pu turned back to Nabiki. "Three thousand yen and one month Chinese teaching for five."

                "Hmmm… what schedule are we talking about?"

                "Nibble-girl choose." Xian Pu was looking anxiously at the pictures.

                "Alright. A pleasure doing business with you, Shampoo." Yen and pictures traded hands.

                "Say, ol' ghoul, I've been wonderin' somethin'," Ranma said, blocking the chiding staff-swipe (he couldn't dodge without endangering some of the precious melons).

                Ku Lon put her staff back down and gave the boy a long, careful look. There was something that was just a little too casual about his tone of voice. "Ask, teishi. I cannot give you an answer if you do not give me a question."

                "Well… th' Amazons know a buncha special techniques, right?"

                "Want to marry their Martial Arts, Saotome?" Nabiki asked facetiously.

                "NO." Ranma looked away from the girl. "Anyway, I was wonderin' if y' knew anythin' 'bout somethin' called…" His pause seemed to be as though he were simply trying to remember the name – only Ku Lon's good ears signaled to her that in fact, he was struggling to get the name out without a betraying stutter, no small task. "…th' N-Neko-ken."

                Ku Lon gave him a serious look. "Yes. I have heard of it. Please tell me that you are not such a fool that you wish to be trained in it."

                "No! No! N-nuthin' like that!" Ranma said very quickly, his face going pale.

                "Ranma!" Akane hissed, her eyes wide with dismay. "You can't…" Her eyes flickered towards Xian Pu and she closed her mouth, lips thinning to a white line with pressure.

                As the short-haired girl surged to her feet, with the apparent intent of dragging her fiancé to a place where she could grill him about revealing his weakness, Ku Lon decided it was time to end her 'ignorance'. "In fact, that reminds me. What on earth triggered your reaction to the Shark-Fist, when I mentioned teaching it?"

                Then she paused – froze up, actually – as though the connections had suddenly occurred to her. "Wait. You scream about being thrown into a tank of sharks when I mention a Shark-Fist… You cannot bear being in the presence of Xian Pu's cursed form… You ask…"

                Ku Lon set her staff aside, calmly stood up, and walked to Genma. Reaching up, she grabbed the heavy man's collar and dragged his head down so that they were face-to-face – and, not coincidentally, he could not get within range of any cold water. Every word was sharp. "Genma Saotome. I suggest that you answer me. And do so promptly. And honestly. What. Did. You. Do. To. Him?!"

                Panicking didn't help Genma. Looking for cold water was impossible. So he resorted to his old style and began to play Wise Sensei.

                And the more he talked, the more Ku Lon despised him.

                On one hand, she could in a way understand the training. The technique had been banned for its flawed results, not just the severity of the training. Many people would agree that many Amazon techniques were just as harsh on the student, at least in body if not in psyche. The full Amiguriken training demanded that the trainee put their hands in fire. The Bakusai Tenketsu demanded getting constantly slammed by ton-weight boulders. But Amazons receiving this training were at youngest in their late teens, capable of choosing the training themselves with full understanding of the consequences, and with many years of less destructive training behind them in order to strengthen their bodies.

                However, none of these techniques truly damaged the inner personality or the mind. The Neko-ken was based on imprinting fear in a young child's psyche. The child did not understand the consequences, nor chose the training for him or herself. The need for youth and the damage done to the mind were unacceptable by the standards of the Amazons.

                There was a second reason. For all their severity, Amazon training techniques had automatic safeties built in. An Elder was required to be present for the training if it required circumstances beyond the trainee's control, such as the swinging boulder in the Bakusai Tenketsu. The Elder's responsibility was both to teach the trainee and to take control if the training took a dangerous turn of events. Genma, however, had simply shoved his son into a pit of cats and left him there. Had something gone wrong, Genma would have had not only no way of knowing, but also no way of intervening.

                Finally, no Amazon ever taught a technique unless they had endured the training personally. The experience allowed them to sympathize with the student and to better be able to monitor the events. Somehow, Ku Lon seriously doubted Genma had ever been personally shoved into a pit of cats. Small wonder Ranma had very little affection for his father.

                When Genma reached the point of describing his attempts to 'fix' the training, Ku Lon decided she'd had enough. She punched him in the gut to get him to stop talking.

                "That is quite enough. You, Saotome Genma, are a fool and an idiot. One is forced to wonder what on earth you did to merit being blessed with a son and a student like Ranma." Turning sharply away, she walked over to Ranma. He had backed away a bit as Genma had begun describing the training, and she'd never seen anyone look so much like… well, a frightened cat, actually.

                'Interesting. For all his fear of cats, Ranma has any number of feline qualities himself, at least in behavior. This needs more serious looking into.'

                "As I said," Ku Lon continued calmly, as though she had not just nearly caused Genma to nearly soil himself, (Honestly! She wasn't that scary! Well… maybe a little… she was angry…) "I know of the Neko-ken, although not until this moment did I think I would ever encounter someone fool enough to attempt teaching it. Why do you ask, teishi?"

                Ranma hesitated, then asked, "D'ya know any way t' fix it?"

                Ku Lon crossed her arms over her chest and thought hard. "I will need to look into this," she said at last. "It will take time. However, should I encounter such a solution, you can rest assured that I will contact you immediately."

                "Really?" To Ku Lon's surprise, it was not Ranma who spoke. Akane moved next to her fiancé, looking warily but a little hopefully at Ku Lon. "You can fix it?"

                "I have no assurances," Ku Lon replied. "However, I will try." Standing, she brushed the sand off her pantsuit. "Now, I believe it is time to go to bed. I shall see about shipping these to the Neko-hanten's cooler. Xian Pu, remain here. The rest of you, scoot."

                Xian Pu waited while her great-grandmother hustled the others out. "What Great-Grandmother upset about?" she asked.

                Ku Lon turned back to her. "/For this once, child, you may speak Chinese. I want to ensure you understood exactly what your intended's father was saying.\"

                Xian Pu blinked, but didn't question her good luck. "/I'm afraid he was talking rather quickly. And I must have misheard, because he seemed to be talking about throwing Airen into a pit of cats multiple times.\"

                Ku Lon sighed. "/Unfortunately, you did not mishear. He did exactly that, when Ranma was a child. As a result, Ranma is very frightened of cats.\"

                Xian Pu's eyes widened with dismay. "/But… my curse…!\" Her shoulders slumped a little. "/So that's why he always runs away from me.\"

                Ku Lon couldn't help but chuckle. "/He runs away because you chase him so fiercely. It is only when you are feline that we encounter a problem.\" She patted Xian Pu's arm. "/Fear not. I shall do my best to help him master his fear. However, I felt that you should be aware of the problem, so that you would not seek him out in cursed form.\"

                "Is hard to think of Airen scared of anything," Xian Pu admitted, reverting to Japanese without being asked. It was exasperating, but at least Great-Grandmother approved. "Thank you for warning, Great-Grandmother."

                "You are welcome. Now, to bed with you." Ku Lon hustled the girl away.

                After finding a trucker willing to cart the watermelons to the Neko-hanten for the bribe of some cash and a watermelon from Ku Lon's reward (after all, they would probably have to give most of them away, just to make sure they were eaten before they went bad), Ku Lon began walking back, thinking. She hadn't realized how badly Genma had handled the Neko-ken training, and she'd overreacted. 'On the other hand, this may help me,' she decided. 'Ranma certainly has no love for his father, so he will not object to my harshness, and by my objection I have proven that I understand the boundary between training and torture.'

                The Neko-ken, on the other hand, was proving to be more complex than she'd thought. Genma had mentioned something about attempting to cure it by throwing him into another pit (Ku Lon snorted at the thought. Yeah, real likely), which meant that the fear was even more deeply ingrained than she'd expected. Not surprising, all told, and while irritating, she had half-anticipated the mistake.

                What she had not anticipated was Ranma's own unconscious behavior. Whether it was ingrained by the Neko-ken or simply an aspect of the boy's personality, Ranma reminded her of a cat. But what was more…

                'He snuck up on me the first day, something he should not have been able to do. At his level of training, he has yet to control his own aura. However, he was completely undetectable until he intentionally drew attention to himself.' Cats did have an apparently innate sneaking ability. Had Ranma acquired a bit of that?

                'It's possible. He has other cat-like traits as well – the reflexes, the ability to land on his feet, the sense of balance. Most of that is training– but did the Neko-ken give him something of a jump-start? If so, what will happen if he gets control of it?'

                For that matter, was getting control possible? Genma seemed to believe not. Which, naturally, made Ku Lon assume there was something. Genma just was like that. But did he have a point? For all his flaws, Genma could teach. Would he really have left such a terrible weakness in his prize student?

                Then again, he'd left social and intellectual weaknesses, weaknesses that Ku Lon was happily fixing. He may have let it slide because the weaknesses gave him a level of control over his increasingly independent son. All he had to do was remind Ranma of the Neko-ken, and he could maneuver the boy into doing just about anything. Personally, Ku Lon found that tactic reprehensible, but then again Genma wasn't exactly inspiring of affection or respect, either.

                Genma also may have looked for a cure for the Neko-ken, but she had no doubt that he lacked the resources she had acquired in her life. Any number of them were built on trust, respect and/or favors owed. Somehow she doubted that Genma had allies waiting in the wings.

                Ku Lon then turned her mind to Xian Pu. Her rather underhanded trick with forcing the girl to deal with her intended's curse had worked. Xian Pu's attitudes toward the two forms had mingled slightly. She was more confident expressing affection towards female-Ranma (as today had proven), but her friendship with female-Ranma was also influencing her attitude toward male-Ranma. Maybe there was still hope there.

                There was hope in other things, too. Xian Pu might not be willing to admit it, but she was beginning to enjoy herself here. Her interactions with Tendou Akane were particularly amusing. The two girls had far too many similarities to be instant friends – not with their bad start – but there was potential there. They would always be rivals, but if she could just channel that energy into a healthy, constructive rivalry, that would be a definitely unexpected benefit.

                'Of course, that's assuming she doesn't do anything rash,' Ku Lon thought, a nervous sweatdrop beginning to form. 'Like going after Genma with a sword. Or charging up to Ranma with assurances at an unfortunate time…'

                She began to run.

                "Urk…"

                "Baka!"

                "Airen see me and pass out!"

                "Shampoo, I think we need to have a talk about bathtubs and men…"

                Ku Lon slapped a hand across her forehead. 'Oh well. It couldn't last forever.'

                The next morning…

                "Hey! Ol' ghoul! Why're we leavin'? Ain'cha gonna teach me that Shark-Fist thing?"

                "I would have thought that you'd have learned it by now, teishi. You seen me use it enough."

                "Yeah, I saw ya use it, but what's th' trick? All I saw ya doin' was shovin' th' water."

                "Actually, that's all there is to it."

                Thud.

                "Aiyah! Airen fall in sand!"

                "Serves you right." Akane pulled the boy out of the sand-pit his facefault had created and began to walk back to the train station, still pulling him by the pigtail.

(AN: Well, that's done! Sorry about the delay… I got stupid writer's block in the middle. -_-

                Well, we have a number of new things getting introduced here. Xian Pu and Akane may not like each other… but there is potential for friendship there. Will anything come of it? We'll have to wait and see. Genma has demonstrated that Ranma acquired the Saotome Foot-in-Mouth honestly, and received some just desserts. Ku Lon is making plans (like this is anything new?). Ranma has gotten some things to think about. All in all, a productive chapter.

                I want some of those watermelons. -_-*

                I may or may not put this story on hold briefly – I'm starting to lose momentum with it. If I do, I will either work on my Slayers fic, or work on some original stories. However, this is only a possibility. I'm having a lot of fun with this story at the moment. Many thanks to the people who sent me mp3 links, by the way. As ever – read and review, comment and critique. Reviews = encouraged creative juices = more chapters faster.

                Next up: Chapter Nine: Enter Ryouga.

                Otherwise known as: Ku Lon realizes that she isn't immune to making mistakes – and realizes that she herself has a rival.)