STICKS AND CARROTS

Part One: Sensei

Chapter Nine

                Ahh… the mid-afternoon lull. Otherwise known as the blessing of all restaurateurs. It wasn't as pronounced during the summer as during the school years, but it still existed.

                Xian Pu did some stretches to relax her tired muscles as she strolled out to serve the one or two customers who had chosen the Neko-hanten for a place to linger during the slow hours of mid-afternoon. She didn't go through her usual gymnastics, though, and luckily for their continued health none of the boys asked her to. It was just too hot, to either be active or to watch someone prancing around. Besides, it wasn't as much fun without her husband (oh, all right, all right! Her intended) to compete against.

                She grimaced to herself at the thought, the expression translating into a cute little pout. Great-Grandmother was being so stubborn! She wouldn't even allow Xian Pu to think of Ranma as her husband!

                Oh, fine, fine, so her Great-Grandmother hadn't ordered her not to think of him as such, although she had suggested that Xian Pu do so. But she wouldn't let Xian Pu refer to him as her husband, and where words went, the mind usually followed. At least 'Airen' was still considered permissible. 'Darling', Ku Lon had told her, was acceptable because it didn't necessarily imply they were already married, and simply communicated her feelings towards him.

                Xian Pu sighed and set down her tray for a moment while waiting for the next order to be finished. If she was going to be honest, on the other hand, she was glad her Great-Grandmother was here. In the village, couples simply spent time together as a matter of course, and courting was something that simply developed as one grew up without needing a formal acknowledgement. It was rather inevitable, after all. Jokusetsu was a small village. But here, things were simply complicated.

                Besides, already her Great-Grandmother's tactics were taking fruit. She got a reminder of that every time she passed Ranma when she was making deliveries. He might not be seeking her out, or returning her gestures of affection – but he wasn't running away, either. Still, she wished there were some way to speed up the process!

                Actually, she had that, too. At Ku Lon's suggestion, Ranma would be joining Nabiki for lessons in Chinese. Xian Pu was actually a little nervous about that. Ranma wasn't the only one her Great-Grandmother was training. Ku Lon had dropped heavy hints that this would be Xian Pu's first start on learning one of the greatest responsibilities of a Matriarch: to teach. It was a scary thought.

                On the other hand, Ku Lon had also hinted that Ranma, too, would be undergoing similar training. Actually, what she'd said was, "Ranma is far beyond you in skill. I may ask him to help you improve – if you think you can follow his instructions and not attach yourself to him like a barnacle."

                Xian Pu blushed at the thought. It was just… she liked being with him… and he was so cute when he got flustered!

                The assistant cook returned her smile as she took the ramen order with a giggle at her own thoughts. Xian Pu noticed and brightened her smile a little. The assistant cooks weren't bad people, though weak by her standards. And they were so helpful about the serving games!

                As Xian Pu took the dish out, the front door opened and Ku Lon strolled in. "Welcome home, Great-Grandmother!" Xian Pu called, glad now that her thoughts had taken a brighter turn. Ku Lon believed that grim thoughts led to grim actions (and she was probably right), and that bright thoughts led to bright fortunes.

                "We are lucky today, Xian Pu!" Ku Lon replied with a broad smile, holding up something small, chubby, black and squirming. "I found a delicious-looking pig in the woods!"

                Xian Pu smiled brightly. "Very lucky today, Great-Grandmother!"

                She paused setting down the bowl, though, as her grandmother walked past and she got a good look at the frantically bweeing small black piglet, and the backpack Ku Lon was pulling behind her.

                'Wait a minute… I know I've seen that pig before, somewhere,' she realized suddenly. She blinked and furrowed her brow, thinking. Where had she seen that yellow bandanna? It was very distinctive…

                She didn't realize that her Great-Grandmother was wondering much the same thing.

                "Just wait!" she heard Ku Lon saying cheerfully. "You're about to become a scrumptious boiled pig! Someday you'll thank me for this."

                "KWEEEEE-KWEEEEE KWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

                Suddenly Xian Pu remembered. Of course! The piglet was Akane's pet! How could she have forgotten?

                Turning, she hurried to the entrance to the kitchen. "Wait, Great-Grandmother!" she called. "Not cook this pig!" Not that she was worried about Akane's reaction (of course not) – if the girl was going to be so careless with her pet, then she had to realize that this might happen – but it was simply cruel to cook a dumb animal who looked up to humans for affection and protection.

                "EEE-YAAAAAAAH! HOT HOT HOT HOT!!"

                Xian Pu stared. "Ai-yaaaaaah!"

                Ku Lon just blinked.

                The fanged, naked boy lunged forward, blazing rage in his eyes that was nearly a match for the lobster-red tone of his overheated skin. "OLD WOMAN, HOW DARE YOU?!"

                "Hiyah."

                The boy crashed to the ground at Xian Pu's feet. She stared at him, wide-eyed (using the platter she still held in her hands to keep herself from seeing anything… unfortunate).

                Ku Lon regarded the boy with a mildly amused expression. "Xian Pu, go fetch that backpack I brought with me. I believe this young man needs some clothing."

                "Aiyah… Xian Pu go get." Blushing, the Amazon quickly turned away and went looking for the pack.

                Once she was outside, though, a sudden thought stopped her cold. 'Wait a minute… Akane's pet pig is a human boy?!' Just what was going on here?

                Ku Lon was about ready to slap herself over the head. 'I can't believe I forgot about this one. Perhaps I really am going senile.' "So… you are a friend of Ranma, then?"

                "I am not his friend!" Ryouga shouted at the top of his lungs.

                Ku Lon winced and rubbed her poor ear. 'My my. Healthy set of lungs on that boy.'

                At a more controlled volume, Ryouga continued, "It's Saotome Ranma's fault that I turn into a pig!"

                "Oh?" Ku Lon finished dismantling her large block of ice into thin shavings and picked up her cup, now filled to heaping, and dribbled an appropriate amount of syrup on it. "So then… you are his rival?"

                Ryouga's face darkened. "Are you deaf, old granny? I'm his sworn enemy!"

                "Ah, yes. Forgive my error, please." Checking on the spread of the syrup through the ice, she glanced over at him. "I have something of a proposition then, young one… would you care to join me?"

                Ryouga looked at her sharply. "Just what do you mean?" he asked carefully.

                Setting her hands on her knees, Ku Lon turned to face him fully. "I am offering to train you."

                Ryouga stood. "Feh. Don't be absurd."

                Ku Lon raised her eyebrows. "You're walking out on me?"

                Ryouga shouldered his pack. "I'm not so weak that I need training from some old lady," he said in an almost patronizing tone, glancing back over his shoulder. "Ta ta, granny."

                Ku Lon trailed him until he reached the doorway. "All right. But come back anytime you change your mind."

                Ryouga chuckled, strolling down the hall. "Don't wait up for me."

                Ku Lon shrugged and walked back into the living room. She had shaved ice to snack on, after all, and one of those disgustingly sappy soap operas to watch while she waited for the next episode of the vastly more entertaining show that was Ranma's life – and planned her own participation.

                'He'll be back,' she thought with a smile. Ranma had improved at an incredible rate since her arrival. If Ryouga was expecting his duel, attack, whatever-he-had-planned to proceed as had been the norm in the past, he was in for an unpleasant surprise. It doubtless would not take him long, either, to learn that she was the catalyst for Ranma's increased skills. If that wasn't good advertisement, well…

                And the boy would be a very good challenger for Ranma. Ranma thrived on competition – so she'd give it to him. Besides, properly trained…

                Ku Lon laughed as she turned off the TV. Maybe this was the real reason why Matriarchs rarely got personally involved in husband-hunts – it was so easy to get carried away in the excitement. If she wasn't careful, she wouldn't be bringing back one new tribe member – she'd be dragging along a brand new village! How on earth would she explain that to the Council?

                She stepped outside and blinked. "You're still here?"

                Ryouga, standing stone-stiff in the center of the hall, turned his head – and only his head – to look at her. "Ummm… where's the door?"

                Xian Pu glanced around the door of the cellar where she sat checking the inventory. "He have very bad sense of direction!"

                "Straight down the hall to the end, the door will be on your right."

                "So, it's this way?" Ryouga asked, turning and opening the door that led upstairs to the private rooms.

                'Matriarchs do not facefault. Matriarchs do not facefault,' Ku Lon thought to herself sternly. Incredibly, she even succeeded in convincing herself. Marching over, she grabbed the boy's hand. "That, young man, is my great-granddaughter's room, and if you wish to remain intact, I suggest that you do not go in that direction."

                Wow. And she'd though he was red when he came out of the pot!

                "R-r-right!" the boy stammered, backing away quickly. "Ummm… this way, right?"

                Ku Lon again barely eluded a face-fault. He was pointing back the way towards the living room. 'This… goes beyond a bad sense of direction. I'm not sure what it is, though.' "This way, young man." She towed him down the hall to the door, opened it for him, and all but set him on the doorstep.

                "Th-thank you," the boy said, still bright red. He turned and immediately strode away.

                Ku Lon hesitated for a moment, wondering if she should tell him that the Tendou Dojo – presumably his intended destination – was the other way. Then she decided that she would not say anything – but she would follow the boy. She wanted to see the results of this battle.

                Following proved to be much more difficult than she'd realized it would be. After the boy doubled back on himself for the third time, she wondered if he somehow had sensed her and was trying to shake her off his trail. After the thirteenth, she realized the truth: the boy just had no idea where he was going (or at least, how to get there). 'Very bad sense of direction, indeed.'

                Finally, she accepted that there was really no point in following the boy. The harder he tried to go in a straight line, the more random his wandering got.

                That didn't mean she was going to miss the show, however. Ryouga might be impossible to follow, but finding her teishi was as easy as checking for his aura (which, she was pleased to note, was growing both stronger and more controlled with every passing day). Eventually Ryouga would find Ranma, and then the show would be on.

                Her timing proved to be impeccable. She'd just come in sight of Ranma trotting along a fence, holding a bowl with an eel inside and whistling cheerfully, when the battle cry rang out. "PREPARE TO DIE, RANMA!"

                Ranma turned and waved a greeting with his free hand, a happy grin on his face and the bowl of eels safely behind his back. "Hey, Ryouga!" he called in welcome as he hopped backwards off the fence and Ryouga went whistling by. "You're a week late!" Dropping lightly to the pavement, he continued cheerfully, "Not half-bad for you!"

                Ryouga snorted as he dropped his pack to the ground. "I've given you another week of life," he said, darkly serious. "You should be grateful." He charged, throwing a complex combination of punches. "Now fight!"

                "Whoa!" Ranma said, easily evading the blows. "Hey, wait a minute!" he objected, backing away in a serpentine path as he held the eel back away from Ryouga. "I hafta deliver this!"

                Ryouga pursued, a direct, straight path as compared to Ranma's gracefully curving trail. "Is that so?" he asked through gritted teeth. "Well then, if I eliminate what you need to deliver," he shouted, "you can fight with a clear conscience, can't you?"

                He lunged for the bowl, but Ranma simply moved it away. "Be careful, Ryouga!" he chided.

                Ryouga launched a flurry of kicks. "STOP THAT SQUIRMING!" he roared in frustration. Ranma hadn't even needed to retreat; he just moved around the attacks easily.

                "…" Ranma's face was puzzled. Suddenly he was right in Ryouga's face, the eel-bowl balanced on top of his head. "Tsk, tsk, Ryouga," he said. "You're gettin' slow!"

                "How DARE you mock me!" the boy snarled, jabbing at Ranma's face.

                Ranma just ducked. "Man… y' really are slow!" he said in clear surprise. His fist shot forward in a light punch that knocked Ryouga back a step or two, then caught the eel bowl, without even losing any water in the process. Ryouga had a look of complete astonishment as he fell backwards, tripping over the edge of the small fountain.

                "Oh! Hi, Ryouga!" a female voice called.

                Ranma, who was balancing the fishbowl idly on one finger, glanced at her – then suddenly blanched and did a double-take towards Ryouga. Ryouga himself had the most piteous look of surprise on his face when he saw the girl – surprise that changed to utter terror when his attention registered the fountain of very cold water a few inches below him. "WAK!"

                Zip. Pinch. Screeeeeeech!

                "Are you two fighting again?" Akane asked, walking up. She had a tennis bag slung over her shoulder, and was wearing a pretty white dress with a peach-fruit pattern. "I mean, really…"

                "What am I s'posed to do?" Ranma asked, sounding a little exasperated. He was trying to juggle both his bowl and Ryouga, whom he had saved by virtue of a strong pinch on the boy's nose and now held an inch or so above the water.

                Ryouga was upside down, his legs braced against the edge of the fountain. His face had been chalk white with terror, but the pallor was quickly being replaced with the red of fury (and of a lot of blood flowing in the direction of gravity. "DOW YOU WILL BAY!" he shouted suddenly (well… as well as anyone could shout when they were being held by their nose). He suddenly swung his legs upward, trying to catch Ranma off-guard.

                Ranma leaned back to get out of range, but there was distinct annoyance for a moment in his face. "Ungrateful jerk!" he snapped, slapping Ryouga's flailing limbs with his free hand for a moment after setting the bowl carefully on the fountain edge. When he was done, poor Ryouga was a tangle, his limbs all locked together in a complicated knot. On the plus side, though, Ranma now was able to lift him to a safer distance above the water's surface.

                Ku Lon, comfortably situated out of sight on a rooftop, grinned to herself. She recalled doing a similar stunt a time or two during Ranma's attempts to get the Phoenix Pill. The surprise on her teishi's face was interesting, though. 'I do believe he hasn't realized how much better he's become,' she decided at last. 'Understandable, I suppose; he does not have many opponents close to his level of skill. This Ryouga must be one of the few people who can match him – or rather, he was.'

                "Well, when you're done, we need to get home," Akane said after an awkward moment. "What are you doing, anyway?"

                "Ah, th' Doc wanted me t' give this eel t' Kasumi," Ranma explained, bending down and picking up the bowl. Ryouga fumed and opened his mouth, presumably to shout something – then apparently remembered what was underneath him, should Ranma let go. He whimpered and began to shake.

                Akane noticed. A frown starting to tug at the corners of her mouth, she began walking forward. Before she said anything, though, Ranma shoved the bowl into her hands. "Here, hold this f'r a minute while I get 'im straightened out."

                "Straightened out?" she asked incredulously. "More like 'unknotted'!"

                Ranma shrugged and finally moved Ryouga away from the fountain and set him down, using his free hand to make sure that Ryouga didn't hit the ground too hard. Then he finally released the lost boy's nose. Ryouga huffed loudly through his nostrils a few times, presumably to un-pinch them, and opened his mouth once again to rail at Ranma.

                "YEEE-OWTCH!"

                "Ranma…!"

                "Look, I'm doin' th' best I can, okay?" Ranma snapped, trying to work Ryouga's arm out of the tangle. "I've been in this b'fore, but I got myself out! Ryouga, wouldja please relax? I can't getcha out if y're all stiffened up!"

                "RANMA, YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS HUMILIATION! OW!"

                "Oops. Hang on a sec…"

                Ranma bent closely over the poor tangled-up lost boy, a line forming on his brow as he frowned in concentration. Ku Lon sat back and waited. It was possible to untangle someone from that pose, but not without cooperation. As Ranma had discovered when she'd pulled the stunt on him, in the end it was easier to simply work oneself free.

                "There!" Ranma said victoriously, finally managing to work one of Ryouga's arms half-free.

                "OOOOOOOWWWWWWW!"

                Ranma ignored the lost boy's howl as he grinned in relief – apparently he had been thinking that he was never going to be able to unknot Ryouga. Unfortunately, Akane noticed the smile and misinterpreted it.

                "STOP PICKING ON POOR RYOUGA!" she shouted, snatching the lost boy away as she booted Ranma into the sky.

                "Owch!" Ranma exclaimed. Flipping in midair to look back at her, he shouted, "Hey! Who's pickin' on who? I was tryin' t' hel…"

                Whap. Akane had thrown her racket after him; it beaned him in the face and cut off his words.

                Ku Lon raised her eyebrow, but decided to stay where she was. A little fall like that wouldn't hurt Ranma; he dealt with them every day. She was, at the moment, much more interested in keeping an eye on Ryouga. It wouldn't do for him to wander off before she had a chance to reiterate her offer.

                "Ranma's such a jerk!" Akane grumbled several minutes later, as the light began to change color and the sun sank in the west. "He should have taken it easy on you!" The girl continued struggling with the tangle of limbs that Ryouga had become. The lost boy just lay on the tiles, unable to do anything. "Let me see… this joint goes like this…" There was a crackling sound of cartilage and Ryouga's eyes watered in pain as the knot he was in became even more of a tangle. "Or was it like this?" the girl said uncertainly, trying to reverse what she'd done unsuccessfully. "Oh, I don't know!"

                She looked down at the lost boy. "Anyway, Ryouga… I think it would be best for you not to challenge Ranma anymore."

                Ryouga stiffened up again and raised his head a bit to look at the girl.

                "He doesn't realize it," Akane explained, "but from all those fights with Shampoo's great-grandmother, he's gotten much stronger and faster." She looked at him sympathetically. "So, really, it'd be for the best if…"

                Ryouga, meanwhile, had gotten a haunted, almost panicky look on his face. The next moment, he shouted wordlessly and somehow managed to flip himself over. His limbs were still in an incredible knot, but his hands protruded and had some mobility. "I WON'T HAVE IT!" he screamed, tears on his face as his hands slapped the pavement.

                Akane stared after him open-mouthed as he zoomed away using his hands for feet. "Wha… Ryouga…?!"

                Ku Lon quickly hopped along the rooftops after the boy, intent on keeping him in her line of sight. She'd been thoroughly impressed by his ability to get lost earlier, and it wouldn't do to lose track of him now. Despite her best efforts, however, the boy was long gone by the time she managed to catch up with him.

                Ku Lon sighed. 'Oh well. He'll show up again eventually. And with luck, he won't attack Nabiki and Ranma on their way to the Chinese lessons.' She mentally juggled benefits against drawbacks. She had intended to stand by while Xian Pu began her first real attempt at teaching, but she had a feeling that catching the lost boy was a matter of opportunity. For now, at least, he was in Nerima. But if she didn't find him before he began walking again, then it would probably be a matter of weeks before she could supply Ranma with a suitable opponent.

                Ku Lon sighed and shrugged. At last she decided that Xian Pu would have to manage herself. It was a gesture of trust that she was not entirely certain the girl had earned, but perhaps the responsibility would be helpful in maintaining Xian Pu's control. Besides, Nabiki would be there, and Ku Lon trusted that the middle Tendou daughter would keep things from getting too far out of hand. After a quick stop to pick up the boy's dropped and forgotten backpack, she began methodically searching for him, going to each of the places safest for someone to untangle themselves, and scanning for the brazen feel of his aura as she went.

                Then she remembered who she was looking for and just started looking in random places. It was faster.

                Any other day, and Ku Lon's faith in Xian Pu's restraint might have been ill-placed. However, that evening Xian Pu had a plan – and for once, it was not to seduce Ranma.

                'That Tendou girl might be my rival,' she thought to herself as she put away the mop and locked the door to the restaurant, 'but no woman should be tricked into taking a man into her bed, even if he's an animal at the time.' She sighed and ran a hand through her hair, wondering if there was any way she could wear it that was cooler. She loved her hair, inherited from her mother, but there were times that she wished it was shorter, or at least not as thick. The high heat of summer definitely was one of those times.

                'Airen knows something,' she thought. 'His reaction when he thought I'd cooked the pig didn't leave much room for doubt. But why hasn't he told Akane?'

                It couldn't have been out of spite, or shame, or callousness. If Ranma had been that sort of person, Xian Pu would never have fallen so hard for him. He may not have gotten along well with Akane, but he still watched out for her.

                So obviously, something was up. Xian Pu had every intention of figuring out what that something was.

                Finally, a light knock on the side door signaled the arrival of her new students. A cold sweat began beading on Xian Pu's forehead as she realized that she had something else to worry about. She nibbled her lip nervously before remembering the plan she'd laid out for herself the day before.

                "/Come in!\" she called, in Chinese. Then she added, "That mean 'come in'. Xian Pu no translate again, so remember!"

                "Right." Nabiki opened the door and walked briskly in. Behind her came Xian Pu's intended, looking distracted, slightly annoyed and distinctly wet and female.

                "Ladle-woman have too too perfect timing again?" she asked sympathetically. She'd run across the scourge of the street a time or two herself. The old lady's timing was never anything short of phenomenal, and she was so innocent that no amount of danger sense in the world could save a Jusenkyou victim from an accidental transformation.

                "Nah, jus' Akane," Ranma said with a shrug, squeezing out a little water from her shirt. "Nailed me with a bucket. Again."

                "You weren't exactly being a paragon of manners yourself, Ranma," Nabiki chided, fanning herself and looking like she wouldn't mind a bucket of cold water being dumped on her head.

                "Wha'!? All I said was tha' I was lookin' forward t' dinner!"

                "Hmph. Pervert-girl probably think Airen looking forward to Xian Pu, not dinner," Xian Pu said. She smiled and indicated the bowls that she'd set out. "/Dinner is ready, though,\" she added in Chinese.

                Ranma blinked. Nabiki blinked. Then Ranma tentatively asked, "Ummm… does that mean dinner's ready?"

                "Yes, is good. Xian Pu explain lessons while eat, yes?"

                "Works for me," Nabiki said, inhaling deeply as she sat. "Wow. I'm getting a great deal on those pictures. Chinese lessons and free eats. Life is good."

                Xian Pu chuckled as she sat down. "Is good, yes, Xian Pu agree. Nibble-girl not think so in hour, though, Xian Pu thinking." She looked at her Airen. "Is hot water in kitchen."

                "Wait," Nabiki said. "I was thinking about this on our way here. Maybe it would be for the best if Ranma stayed in girl-form during out lessons." She held out a hand to forestall Ranma's objection. "If we do that," she explained, "Akane will be much less likely to jump down Ranma's throat. She put up with Ranma working here during the Cat's Tongue fiasco, after all."

                Xian Pu pouted. She wanted her handsome husband (to-be) back. On the other hand, Nabiki had a good point. On the third-hand-that-she-didn't-really-have-but-was-theoretically-acceptable-for-the-purposes-of-listing-alternatives… "Hmph. That no help, Nibble-girl. Pervert girl be more jealous that Xian Pu around girl-Ranma. She have too too dirty mind."

                Nabiki snickered. "As her family, I should object to that. As her sister, I'm laughing my tush off." She turned to Ranma. "Well, Saotome? Are you willing to stay in girl-form here?"

                Ranma hesitated, but finally flopped down in the chair with a sigh. "Ah, fine, whatever," she said dismissively.

                "Is good," Xian Pu said. "Lessons go like so: Xian Pu talk, use certain Chinese words. Nabiki and Ranma use words Xian Pu uses. If no understand, guess. Xian Pu use only one or two words at first, but as learn voc… volca… as learn more words…"

                "Vocabulary," Nabiki supplied.

                "Thank you. As learn more vocabulary, use more words. Need vocabulary to advance."

                "What I don't get is why th' ol' ghoul wants me t' learn Chinese," Ranma said, picking up her chopsticks.

                "Xian Pu think is for training," Xian Pu said, mentally wincing. She wished someone would help her with her Japanese. She hated going around sounding like some sort of… featherhead! "Great-Grandmother have many books for training, but all in Chinese."

                Ranma perked up. "Kinda like th' one she lent me?"

                "Much same."

                Ranma resumed eating, a thoughtful expression on his face.

                Nabiki pushed the conversation for a while, until Ranma roused from his thoughts and rejoined the conversation. Finally, however, Xian Pu decided that if she was ever going to get an answer for her earlier questions, she was going to have to ask them now.

                "Nibble-girl?" she said abruptly, standing up and interrupting a recitation from the Japanese girl regarding a story she'd seen on the news. "Xian Pu need talk with Ranma in private. Is okay?"

                Nabiki frowned slightly. "As long as you stay in sight. I'm supposed to be making sure that no 'funny stuff' happens, remember. But I won't eavesdrop."

                "Is good." Xian Pu grabbed Ranma's hand and tugged the smaller girl after her into the storage room. It was well-lit and they were in plain sight, but Nabiki wouldn't overhear.

                "Xian Pu see something very… interesting today," Xian Pu said, trying to pick her words carefully.

                "Whacha mean?"

                So Xian Pu told him about the events of that afternoon. Ranma was very quiet as she explained, and then said, "Look… y' haven't told anybody 'bout this, have ya?"

                "No. Xian Pu want know full story before pounding perverted lost-boy into pizza with pork topping."

                Ranma winced. "Ummm… well, see… it's kinda like this…"

                After hearing the entire story, Xian Pu coolly and logically made her judgement. "So pig-pervert not just use curse to sneak into Akane's bed, but accuse Airen of having no honor and force Ranma make promise to no tell, then use promise against Airen so Airen no can warn girl." She scowled. "Is so?"

                "Uh… yeah, that's pretty much it."

                "No be worried, Ranma. Xian Pu no make pizza of pig-pervert."

                Ranma sighed in relief. Ryouga may have been a pain, but even he didn't deserve a Righteously Angry Amazon warrioress coming after him. His embarrassment would incapacitate him before he could even try to defend himself. Then Ranma's mind began letting off a warning siren regarding Xian Pu's wording, and he felt a cold sweat beginning to bead on his forehead. "Ummm… so you're not gonna hurt 'im fer bein' pathetic, then?"

                "No. Xian Pu make pig-pervert sauce. Pounding into pizza not do enough damage." She cracked her knuckles.

                "W-w-wait! Wait!" Ranma grabbed Xian Pu's arm. "Don't kill 'im!"

                Xian Pu's scowl deepened briefly, but then she looked at the pleading look on her intended's adorable face, which finally persuaded her to stand down… temporarily. "Airen need good argument for pig-pervert. Amazon womans no like man that take advantage of girl or misuse honor of others."

                "Uh… ummm…" Ranma released Xian Pu's arm and briefly buried her hands in her unruly bangs as she racked her brain for an answer. "Uh… look, it's not all Ryouga's fault, see? I mean… Look, he ain't tryin' t' feel Akane up or nothin', he jus' don' know what t' do 'round a cu… a normal girl that treats him nicely. Right? So Akane is nice t' him, an' he's kinda got a crush on 'er now."

                Xian Pu continued frowning. "He have strange way of showing so."

                Ranma sighed. "Look, Xian Pu. I don't like what he's doin' anymore 'n you do. But I'm kinda responsible, y' see? I can't just go runnin' around rattin' that he's got 'is curse. Heck, I'm half-way breakin' my promise just talkin' t' you, an' you already know 'bout all this. I'd fix this if I could, but I can't. My hands are tied." In an unintentionally ironic gesture that contradicted her words, Ranma spread her hands helplessly.

                "Xian Pu's hands no tied." She cracked her knuckles again to emphasize the statement.

                Ranma was sweating up a storm now. "L-look… How 'bout we talk 'bout this with yer great-grandmother first?"

                Xian Pu frowned, but finally sighed. Obviously Ranma had her – his – reasons for wanting to protect the boy from what was coming to him. For now, at least, Xian Pu would accede. "Is agreed. Great-grandmother more creative about punishment anyway."

                "Erk."

                "/Let's go back, now,\" Xian Pu said authoritatively, and she walked back to Nabiki, leaving Ranma to follow.

                In the end, it was not her skills at tracking that led Ku Lon to Ryouga, it was her ears.

                Whak. "Damn you!!" Whak. "Damn you!" Whak. "DAMN you!" WHAK! "DAMN YOU, RANMA!"

                Ku Lon followed the trail of crumbling fist-sized craters in the cement wall next to the road to the source of the loud shouts. Finally, when Ryouga paused to try to calm himself, she said casually, "So… It looks as though your battle did not proceed as expected. A pity; you were so eager for it."

                As Ryouga slowly straightened and turned, withdrawing his fists from the crumbling cement, she continued, "I was just thinking about how I'd like to talk to you again…"

                Ryouga's eyes and smile were calculating. "Funny…" he said slowly, "I was just thinking the same thing…"

                Ku Lon handed him his backpack. "Well then. Why don't we take a stroll and discuss things?"

                "I can't believe you."

                "What's buggin' ya now?"

                "I was watching, you know. You spend all this time running away from Shampoo as fast as you can – then you start clinging to her like that? Do you have something to tell me, Saotome?"

                "C'mon, Nabiki! I was just tryin' ta keep her from killin' somebody, 'kay?"

                Nabiki smirked at Ranma knowingly. (Actually, she knew that he – or rather, she – wasn't lying; Ranma was a terrible liar. But it was fun to tease him/her.) "Indeed. And just who might that somebody be?"

                "Sorry. Clas… cass… ah! Classified information." Before Nabiki could reply to that startling statement, Ranma turned the tables on her, or at least tried. "'sides, you were talkin' pretty close w' her yourself. What'd she want, anyway?"

                Nabiki closed her mouth. She was still thinking about that conversation, and she definitely didn't want to talk about it with Ranma. For one thing, she might let slip that Xian Pu had frankly surprised her. The girl's Japanese was so bad that it was dangerously easy to tag her as a floozy or a ditz, someone whose head only served as a place to put her hair.

                For that matter, Nabiki almost wished her assumption had been accurate. As it was, Xian Pu's prediction regarding the lessons had come true. She had been completely serious about simply speaking Chinese and letting them sort it out, then correcting them when they made errors. The method was harsh, fast, effective, and it had left Nabiki with a headache that would probably require an Aspirin the size of Tokyo to cure. If this was anything like what Ranma went through in order to learn new techniques… Well, Nabiki was just glad she'd found another path in life, rather than study the family's martial arts. Self-defense was a good thing to know, but she drew the line at self-torture.

                'On the other hand, I not only asked for these lessons, I bargained for them… Rats.'

                Blithely ignorant of Nabiki's thoughts, Ranma strolled on ahead. She had just reached the door when…

                "BOY! WHERE ARE YOU?"

                "Mrghfl!" That articulate expression was due to the face that Ranma currently had a mouth full of yard. "Gerroffame!" Nabiki blinked at the spectacle of the Saotome patriarch standing on the back of the (currently female) son he was looking for, and decided not to make any jokes. Ranma had that particular ominous look about her that foreboded lots of pain for Genma in the very near future.

                "BOY! ENOUGH OF THIS FOOLISHNESS! HOW DARE YOU SPITE YOUR FATHER SO!"

                Nabiki could almost see the lightning beginning to spark as Genma's landing pad got up suddenly, spilling the heavy man on the ground. "O…ya…jiiiiiiii…!"

                Genma, displaying the stellar observational skills and wisdom, ignored the heavy weight in the air. "There you are! Get packed, boy!" Producing a steaming kettle from somewhere, he doused Ranma with the not-quite-boiling water.

                Nabiki winced, but Ranma just scowled and pulled his dripping bangs out of his face. "What for, Pops?"

                "You're getting soft! It's time you did some serious training again!"

                Ranma blinked and pointed at himself. "Hey, oyaji, aren'cha gettin' a little mixed up? I ain't been gettin' soft, I've been gettin' better. I just bumped inta Ryouga t'day, an' he didn't even come close t' me."

                Genma frowned, and Nabiki blinked in surprise. "Whoa… he's actually serious," she commented to herself, out loud. There was a stern authority about the way he drew himself up and crossed his arms.

                "Ranma," he said firmly, "a true martial artist does not rest on his laurels. That boy will come back stronger than before, and if you simply allow yourself to stagnate at your current level, you will be defeated soundly."

                Ranma also drew himself up, and Nabiki noted with some surprise that his expression matched Genma's in solemnity. 'Whoa.' "I know that, Oyaji. But I'm learnin' things here…"

                "Enough! No more discussion!" Genma declared. "We will set out tomorrow!" Turning, the man walked inside. Ranma shook his head and followed. Nabiki trailed in slowly behind them, still thinking.

                'What's gotten into Uncle Saotome, anyway? He's been touchy lately, and now this. I've never seen him so serious. For a minute there, he actually looked like someone to be respected… Brrr. Now that's a scary thought.'

                Then, of course, she walked in on Kasumi and Soun shanghaiing Akane into accompanying the Saotome training trip as cook. 'Oh. Of course. Match-making. For that, Uncle Saotome will do anything – even pretend to be respectable.'

                She started up the stairs, then froze. 'Waitaminnit… Akane as COOK? Uh-oh… Maybe I'd better warn him… on the other hand, Akane might overhear me… Oh well. Sorry, Saotome. You're on your own. Trust me… I feel your pain…'

                Poor guy.

(A.N. – Again, apologies for the slow update. I'm currently on my very, very, very last week of high school, and the schedule is murder. Ah well.

                Akane didn't get a lot of screen time, did she? Oops. Ah well. She'll show up more in the next chapter, and we might or might not make it all the way though the Bakusai Tenketsu. We'll certainly see more of Ku Lon, and we'll also finally get around to Ku Lon's rival (I meant for that part to be in this, but the Ranma/Ryouga fight took longer than I'd thought it would).

                We also have quite a tangle of loose ends waiting to trip people up. Nabiki still has her contract to get some background on the Saotomes, Ranma is learning Chinese, Xian Pu and Nabiki have had a secretive conversation. Xian Pu also knows about Ryouga's curse, and… well, Ryouga isn't going to thank Ranma for protecting him, but at least now Ranma has convinced her to wait for Ku Lon.

                Regarding Xian Pu's reaction: hey, it made sense to me. Turning a blind eye to a situation like P-chan seems as out of character for the Amazons as using a girl as a prize in a contest.

                Well, Ryouga's here, now. I henceforth extend a plea to my readers: make sure I'm being fair to him. You see, I have mixed feelings about Ryouga. On one hand, I kinda like him – he's a powerful warrior, he's a good ally for Ranma, and most of the time he seems to be a true-hearted, honest warrior (especially in book 38). However, those are his good points. What makes me dislike him is the fact that he's moderately psychopathic (but then again, most people are in Ranma 1/2) and hypocritical. Look at it! He calls Ranma honorless, then takes advantage of Ranma's promise to not reveal his curse. (Not necessarily by sneaking into Akane's bed as P-chan, but I do count attacking Ranma as P-chan. After all, if Ranma tries to defend himself, he calls down the Wrath of Akane on himself.) He calls Ranma a cad, when Ryouga is actively pursuing an engaged girl and yet is easily turned aside in his devotion by just about any pretty face.

                huffs Okay, I'm done ranting. ^_^ What I was trying to say is, I have mixed feelings about Ryouga, but the negative side tends to be dominant. Don't let me throw him so far out of character he couldn't touch it with a ten-foot pole, please. I don't want to make Ryouga out to be a saint or a villain. Similarly with pretty much most of the cast.

                That doesn't mean I can't mock them in the spirit of good fun, on the other hand. :-P

                Next chapter: Training and testing, a rival acknowledged, and mistakes made and recognized. Expect it to be out in a week or two. Maybe sooner! School's almost over! School's almost over!

                Ahem. Gomen nasai for that little side-note.

                Oh, and by the way – thank you for the links to Ranma mp3's. I have a nice long playlist to use for mood-music now. ^____^

                Many, many, many thanks to the people leaving reviews. Please! Keep it up! It bears repeating that reviews are a good way of encouraging someone to keep writing. So, comment, critique, read and review!)