Note: Again, thanks for all the reviews so far. I've received a few
questions about the nature of a muumuu. First of all, it's a native
costume of Hawaii. (I think. I might be wrong.) Basically, it's an ankle-
length, cotton dress that's fitted at the shoulders and under the arms, and
the rest of it just billows out like a tent. While not "proper office
attire," muumuus are very cool and comfortable. Usually, they're dyed with
bright colors, and sport patterns of really big flowers. :D And on we go!
***
Chapter Four: "Nobody's Bitch."
"Okay. The green light is blinking. What does that mean?" Doggett asked, squinting into the eyepiece.
He and Mulder were hanging out in an empty cubicle on the fifth floor, figuring out how to use the camera. They were also coming up with a plan to catch Kersh "all dolled up" and not get killed in the process.
"That means it's recording," Mulder said.
"You're sure?"
"Sure, I'm sure! That's the way it is for all video cameras, high-tech or no."
"Yeah, well all's I'm saying is you better be right. Because if this doesn't record, we're screwed."
"Oh, stop being so dramatic."
"Earth to Mulder! We're like Daffy Duck with the nitroglycerine, here. We're gonna do this ONCE."
Mulder sighed. "Well, I think I have a plan that's sound."
"So lay it on me."
"Okay. Goes something like this. I'll walk into Kersh's outer office, where he'll most likely be."
"Uh huh," Doggett said, aiming the camera at him.
"Then, I'll ask him to come with me, saying that Skinner has called an emergency meeting and asked him to be there. He'll get up and follow. As soon as he's out in the hallway, you start following us with the video camera."
"Sounds good so far," Doggett said, focusing it on one of his own hands. "Then what?"
"Then, I'll distract him all the way back to his office, say it was a mistake, blah blah blah, and you will have skedaddled."
"Okay. But what do I do if he sees me?"
"You run for your goddamn life, is what you do! What kind of a question is that?"
"It's the sensible kind," Doggett growled. "'Sides, what if I drop the video camera?"
"Doggett, don't worry," Mulder said, clapping him on the shoulder. "We'll just tie it to your head. Kersh might spot you, but . . ."
"WHAT?!"
Mulder cackled. "Just seeing if you were paying attention."
"Asshole. I'm wearing four-inch heels, in case you haven't noticed. The last thing I need is to be chased by Satan in a muumuu."
"Relax. If he sees you, just toss the camera to me and run. He'll be less likely to go after you that way. I'm the point man, after all. And I have longer legs than he does."
"Okay," sighed his partner in crime.
"And above all, remember the golden rule for not being noticed. Act natural."
Doggett put the device down and glared at him. "Mulder. I am standing here in a skirt and high heels, holding a very shiny video camera. How in the hell am I supposed to act natural?"
"You're a resourceful man. Think of something. Now hand me the camera. I gotta introduce us."
Doggett held on to it possessively and eyed Mulder. Mulder reached for the device. A brief "No / Yes / No / Come on, Doggett!" struggle ensued. Finally, the vision of the camera went black and a new picture appeared. The gray walls of the cubicle and the desk inside it came into focus.
"There we go," came Mulder's voice. He turned the lens on himself and waved, holding the device at arm's length.
"Oh-kay!" he said. "Rolling! The time is, uh . . ." He looked down at Scully's wristwatch, on his left hand. "11 am. Agents Fox Mulder and . . ." the view shifted to Doggett, leaning against a cabinet, who nodded sullenly. "John Doggett reporting. Of course, today, we are Agents Vixen Mulder and John Doggette, AKA 'Kersh's Bitch.'"
Doggett rolled his glass-blue eyes and flipped off the camera.
"Ooooh. Easy on the finger there, tiger," came Mulder's voice over the image. "You'll need it later."
"Yeah," Doggett quipped. "For cooperatin' with my hand in breakin' your neck. Can we get on with this, please?"
Mulder turned the camera on himself and commented, "Catty!"
"Hmph. I don't know about you, *Vixen,* but I ain't nobody's bitch."
"Oh, yeah? Manly man in partner's clothing? Prove it."
"Fine." The view jiggled as Doggett grabbed the camera, muttering, "Gimmeedat." He focused it on Mulder. "Let's get this show on the road."
He pressed a button and squinted into the eyepiece. Two words started flashing in the lower right corner of the screen:
DOGGETT CAM
"Aaaand . . . you're on."
Mulder began to walk down the hallway. He turned to the camera and spoke quietly.
"By the way, Doggett, if anything goes wrong, or either of us dies in the attempt, I just want you to know that it's been a pleasure working with you."
"Likewise," came the disembodied voice behind the camera.
"Okay, then. Let's do it."
A few people popped their heads into the hall, curious as to what was going on, as Doggett hustled by Kersh's outer office and knelt behind a nearby corner, holding the video camera up with one hand and giving Mulder a thumbs-up with the other. Mulder saw the sign and walked into the office.
***
Kersh began to snicker the instant he saw Mulder. Not that Mulder didn't show a mighty nice figure in his skirt and jacket, but Kersh was still amused.
"Agent Mulder," he said, and coughed to hide his laughter. "What can I do for you? A manicure, perhaps? Or how about some make-up? A little blush would set off those pearl earrings nicely."
He snickered openly as Mulder glared at him.
"Actually, *Alvin,*" he said, making the "Al" as nasal as he possibly could, "Skinner asked to speak with you. An emergency meeting has been called. Apparently, some of the secretaries slash A.D.'s are messing things up."
"There's a shock," Kersh said sullenly. "Where's the meeting?"
"Skinner's office."
"Oh, hell," Kersh muttered, not willing to expose his attire to the entire hallway. "Let me get my coat."
"Forget the coat, will you? There's no time! We have to go!" Mulder said, grabbing Kersh by the arm and hauling him out of the office. "Come on!"
They began to walk away, Kersh looking a bit irritated at being yanked along. Doggett was clumsily poking along on his heels behind them, lips pursed in concentration, pointing the video camera at them both.
Kersh's muumuu looked interesting under the lights. It was purple, with a huge white and yellow flower pattern. The fluorescent lights brought out the all the blue in the dye, making it shimmer. It really would have looked nice on a woman.
But a man, yesterday one of Kersh's favorite agents, today a secretary, saw the procession, put two and two together, and blew everything to hell.
He gasped.
Kersh turned and looked at him irritably. "What?!" he bellowed.
The man just stared, but not directly at Kersh.
And Kersh looked behind him. His brown eyes widened fiercely and he flared his nostrils like an enraged bull at the unfortunate camera man. Doggett, for his part, had gone from tough and tan to pale and quivering in a record three-and-a-half milliseconds. He was still hanging onto the video camera, its view of the floor shaking because his knees were knocking. The heels didn't help.
All he managed was a strangled "eep!"
"You son of a biiiiiiiiiitch!" Kersh roared, and ran straight at him.
And Doggett, privately dubbed "Mr. Tough Guy" by Scully and Reyes, screamed like a girl, spun around 180 degrees, and hauled ass.
Kersh was a former military man. He didn't mess around when it came to chasing stuff and killing it. That determination had taken him far in the FBI. He was also gleefully in flats, which meant he had better balance than Doggett in his pumps. But the slim agent made a slippery target. Mulder was trailing them both, yelling and trying to stop the Deputy Director.
Doggett, however, had done one thing right. He'd put the video camera over one shoulder, catching Kersh chasing him. The muumuu was flaring in all directions, providing considerable wind resistance, but the D.D. was gaining on him.
"Yeah, you chicken!" he yelled. "Just try and get away! You in your goddamn heels! Who's fast NOW, motherfucker?!"
Doggett's heart was hammering, and he bounded through the office space like a jack rabbit. The chase was wild. He ducked and dodged in and out of cubicles, yelling and scattering papers as he ran through. Finally, he swung around a corner, Kersh hot on his tail. The turn was so sharp that he almost went down. Mulder was about three feet behind Kersh and yelling at Doggett at the top of his baritone voice.
"Fucking HELL, you idiot, throw me the camera! He's too close!"
Mulder was right. Doggett braved a look over his shoulder, and Kersh was snarling, not a foot away from him.
"FUCK!" he yelled, and pitched the device like a football in Mulder's direction, just as Kersh tackled him on the carpet.
The camera took in the following: the noise of Doggett ("oof!") being hit by Kersh ("rrrrgh!"), an overview of the cubicles, filled with many stunned people, Mulder, as seen from above, Mulder's face looking very shocked, and an extreme close-up of Mulder's forehead before going black.
Fortunately, Mulder had a thick skull, as Scully had ruefully pointed out on more than one occasion. The device left only small cut on his forehead. He caught the video camera even though it had whacked him, shook off the blow, and took off running in the opposite direction. Kersh, who'd gotten off a few punches on an exhausted Doggett, left the man curled in a fetal position on the floor and ran after the other agent, yelling obscenities.
Mulder bolted for the elevator faster than a gelding at the Kentucky Derby. He skidded to a halt inside. The back wall finally stopped him when he slammed into it, and he frantically lurched forward to press the "close doors" button. They were obeying slowly.
Wide-eyed, he took in Kersh, coming straight for the elevator, and he began to bang on the button as hard and fast as he could. Kersh was a few yards away and starting to run . . .
There was a foot-wide gap.
Kersh was a few feet away.
The gap was 8 inches across.
The last thing Mulder saw of Kersh was three inches of the other man's purple, sweaty face, as the doors closed just in time.
He hit "4" and slumped against the wall, exhausted. Again, he held the "Doggett Cam" out in front of him at arm's length, amazed that the device was still recording.
"This is Special Agent Fox Mulder," he wheezed. "For myself and the amazingly courageous and speedy Agent Doggett, who I will go and retrieve in very short order . . ." He took another breath. "End transmission."
He turned the camera off. The elevator dinged. He cautiously stepped out and looked around. No Kersh. That was a good sign. He walked quickly into Skinner's outer office, slightly disheveled and sweaty, a few drops of blood on his white blouse from the cut on his head. He was carrying the video camera carefully.
Skinner looked up at him. Having finished the expense report coding, he was now enjoying a donut and coffee.
"Mulder, can I help you?"
"Yes. I, uh, I need to see A.D. Baker. Immediately. There's a pressing situation on the fifth floor that I have to get back to."
"Um, okay. Hang on." He turned on the intercom. "Ma'am?"
"Yes, Walter?" came Holly's voice.
"Ma'am, Agent Mulder is here to see you."
"Send him in."
Skinner gestured towards the door, but didn't get up. Mulder went for the door.
***
A few minutes later, he had presented Holly with the evidence and was pounding up the stairs to the fifth floor, stopping only for a second to apply the band-aid she'd handed him.
When he reached the fifth floor, he headed straight for the spot where Doggett had gone down. There was nobody there. Fearing for the other man's safety, he braved a look into Kersh's outer office. Kersh wasn't there.
But he had a hunch that Doggett hadn't gotten very far. He gingerly knocked on the inner office's door.
"Yes?" came a female voice.
"Uh, hi. I'm Agent Mulder. Who am I speaking to?"
"Deputy Director MacIntyre. You're that tall, brown-haired guy with the alien fixation, aren't you?"
"Yeah, that's me," Mulder said with a bit of a grin.
"Are you looking for Agent Doggett?"
"Yes, ma'am. Where is he?"
"In here. I rescued him. Alvin's in the copy room 'till three."
Mulder heard the door being unlocked and opened it into Kersh's spacious office. Rhonda smiled at him, quite the picture in her yellow suit. He smiled back. She pointed at the leather couch at the other end of the room. Doggett was decorating it like a flowered rug, curled on his side. He had his arms over his belly and was looking utterly miserable. He managed to open his eyes a bit as Mulder came over to him and put a hand on his shoulder.
"Hey," Doggett said.
"Hey, yourself. What happened?"
"You mean, after you ran away?" Doggett asked caustically.
"I didn't 'run.' I gave the evidence to A.D. Baker and then came back for you. So, again. What happened?"
"Kersh almost kicked the shit out of me, that's what happened. Fortunately, this lady over here put a stop to it and sent him away. She brought me in here." He turned to her. "Thanks again, Ms. MacIntyre, I 'ppreciate it."
"No sweat," she said, coming over to him. "Did he hit you in the stomach?"
"Right across the elastic of my damn hose."
"Ow."
"Yeah."
"Well, Agent Doggett, you're gonna hate me for this right now, but the only way to get your stomach to stop cramping is to get oxygen to the muscles. And the only way to do that is to stand up and stretch."
Doggett looked at her, wide-eyed. "That's gonna hurt!" he said.
"No shit, sherlock. Come on, up with 'ya." She offered him her hands.
He took them. She helped him stand up, then uncurl himself slowly. He hissed in pain a couple of times, but finally he was ramrod straight. Mulder gave him an encouraging nod.
"Come on," he said. "Stand tall. Nobody's ever going to call you Kersh's Bitch again."
Doggett gave him a small smile. The phone on Rhonda's desk rang.
"Excuse me," she said, and answered it sternly. "MacIntyre."
Mulder and Doggett smirked at each other.
"Yes. Thank you. I'll send them your way." She hung up. "That was A.D. Baker, boys. She wants to present you with something."
***
A few minutes later found them waiting in A.D. Skinner's outer office. They were sitting on the couch primly, their legs crossed, a little impatient to get in and see Holly. Skinner was typing again, listening to Mulder babble as he inspected himself. Doggett was rolling up a newspaper, annoyed, and eyeing Mulder. The other man had been muttering non-stop for the last few minutes. There was his blood-specked blouse, the new run in his hose from racing away from Kersh, the slight tear in his skirt, and now he was mumbling about the state of his hands.
"Geez," Mulder said. "You know, maybe Kersh was right. Maybe I do need a manicure. I mean, look at these nails! They're just a disgrace. I wonder if Scully knows any good places to go . . ."
Doggett cracked.
"Stop, it, stop, it, stop, it!" he yelled, swatting Mulder on the head with the newspaper.
Mulder shielded his face and Skinner started laughing.
"Don't even!" Doggett snarled at him, and pointed the newspaper in his direction threateningly.
Skinner blanched. It was about to get ugly. But Holly opened the inner door just in time, distracting all of them with her amusing appearance and big eyes. The men immediately quieted and looked at her politely.
"Come in, Agents," she said quietly.
Doggett and Mulder stood up as a unit, adjusted themselves, and went in to claim their prize.
***
What further adventures await our fantastic foursome? Find out in Chapter Five: "Lord of the Rings."
***
Chapter Four: "Nobody's Bitch."
"Okay. The green light is blinking. What does that mean?" Doggett asked, squinting into the eyepiece.
He and Mulder were hanging out in an empty cubicle on the fifth floor, figuring out how to use the camera. They were also coming up with a plan to catch Kersh "all dolled up" and not get killed in the process.
"That means it's recording," Mulder said.
"You're sure?"
"Sure, I'm sure! That's the way it is for all video cameras, high-tech or no."
"Yeah, well all's I'm saying is you better be right. Because if this doesn't record, we're screwed."
"Oh, stop being so dramatic."
"Earth to Mulder! We're like Daffy Duck with the nitroglycerine, here. We're gonna do this ONCE."
Mulder sighed. "Well, I think I have a plan that's sound."
"So lay it on me."
"Okay. Goes something like this. I'll walk into Kersh's outer office, where he'll most likely be."
"Uh huh," Doggett said, aiming the camera at him.
"Then, I'll ask him to come with me, saying that Skinner has called an emergency meeting and asked him to be there. He'll get up and follow. As soon as he's out in the hallway, you start following us with the video camera."
"Sounds good so far," Doggett said, focusing it on one of his own hands. "Then what?"
"Then, I'll distract him all the way back to his office, say it was a mistake, blah blah blah, and you will have skedaddled."
"Okay. But what do I do if he sees me?"
"You run for your goddamn life, is what you do! What kind of a question is that?"
"It's the sensible kind," Doggett growled. "'Sides, what if I drop the video camera?"
"Doggett, don't worry," Mulder said, clapping him on the shoulder. "We'll just tie it to your head. Kersh might spot you, but . . ."
"WHAT?!"
Mulder cackled. "Just seeing if you were paying attention."
"Asshole. I'm wearing four-inch heels, in case you haven't noticed. The last thing I need is to be chased by Satan in a muumuu."
"Relax. If he sees you, just toss the camera to me and run. He'll be less likely to go after you that way. I'm the point man, after all. And I have longer legs than he does."
"Okay," sighed his partner in crime.
"And above all, remember the golden rule for not being noticed. Act natural."
Doggett put the device down and glared at him. "Mulder. I am standing here in a skirt and high heels, holding a very shiny video camera. How in the hell am I supposed to act natural?"
"You're a resourceful man. Think of something. Now hand me the camera. I gotta introduce us."
Doggett held on to it possessively and eyed Mulder. Mulder reached for the device. A brief "No / Yes / No / Come on, Doggett!" struggle ensued. Finally, the vision of the camera went black and a new picture appeared. The gray walls of the cubicle and the desk inside it came into focus.
"There we go," came Mulder's voice. He turned the lens on himself and waved, holding the device at arm's length.
"Oh-kay!" he said. "Rolling! The time is, uh . . ." He looked down at Scully's wristwatch, on his left hand. "11 am. Agents Fox Mulder and . . ." the view shifted to Doggett, leaning against a cabinet, who nodded sullenly. "John Doggett reporting. Of course, today, we are Agents Vixen Mulder and John Doggette, AKA 'Kersh's Bitch.'"
Doggett rolled his glass-blue eyes and flipped off the camera.
"Ooooh. Easy on the finger there, tiger," came Mulder's voice over the image. "You'll need it later."
"Yeah," Doggett quipped. "For cooperatin' with my hand in breakin' your neck. Can we get on with this, please?"
Mulder turned the camera on himself and commented, "Catty!"
"Hmph. I don't know about you, *Vixen,* but I ain't nobody's bitch."
"Oh, yeah? Manly man in partner's clothing? Prove it."
"Fine." The view jiggled as Doggett grabbed the camera, muttering, "Gimmeedat." He focused it on Mulder. "Let's get this show on the road."
He pressed a button and squinted into the eyepiece. Two words started flashing in the lower right corner of the screen:
DOGGETT CAM
"Aaaand . . . you're on."
Mulder began to walk down the hallway. He turned to the camera and spoke quietly.
"By the way, Doggett, if anything goes wrong, or either of us dies in the attempt, I just want you to know that it's been a pleasure working with you."
"Likewise," came the disembodied voice behind the camera.
"Okay, then. Let's do it."
A few people popped their heads into the hall, curious as to what was going on, as Doggett hustled by Kersh's outer office and knelt behind a nearby corner, holding the video camera up with one hand and giving Mulder a thumbs-up with the other. Mulder saw the sign and walked into the office.
***
Kersh began to snicker the instant he saw Mulder. Not that Mulder didn't show a mighty nice figure in his skirt and jacket, but Kersh was still amused.
"Agent Mulder," he said, and coughed to hide his laughter. "What can I do for you? A manicure, perhaps? Or how about some make-up? A little blush would set off those pearl earrings nicely."
He snickered openly as Mulder glared at him.
"Actually, *Alvin,*" he said, making the "Al" as nasal as he possibly could, "Skinner asked to speak with you. An emergency meeting has been called. Apparently, some of the secretaries slash A.D.'s are messing things up."
"There's a shock," Kersh said sullenly. "Where's the meeting?"
"Skinner's office."
"Oh, hell," Kersh muttered, not willing to expose his attire to the entire hallway. "Let me get my coat."
"Forget the coat, will you? There's no time! We have to go!" Mulder said, grabbing Kersh by the arm and hauling him out of the office. "Come on!"
They began to walk away, Kersh looking a bit irritated at being yanked along. Doggett was clumsily poking along on his heels behind them, lips pursed in concentration, pointing the video camera at them both.
Kersh's muumuu looked interesting under the lights. It was purple, with a huge white and yellow flower pattern. The fluorescent lights brought out the all the blue in the dye, making it shimmer. It really would have looked nice on a woman.
But a man, yesterday one of Kersh's favorite agents, today a secretary, saw the procession, put two and two together, and blew everything to hell.
He gasped.
Kersh turned and looked at him irritably. "What?!" he bellowed.
The man just stared, but not directly at Kersh.
And Kersh looked behind him. His brown eyes widened fiercely and he flared his nostrils like an enraged bull at the unfortunate camera man. Doggett, for his part, had gone from tough and tan to pale and quivering in a record three-and-a-half milliseconds. He was still hanging onto the video camera, its view of the floor shaking because his knees were knocking. The heels didn't help.
All he managed was a strangled "eep!"
"You son of a biiiiiiiiiitch!" Kersh roared, and ran straight at him.
And Doggett, privately dubbed "Mr. Tough Guy" by Scully and Reyes, screamed like a girl, spun around 180 degrees, and hauled ass.
Kersh was a former military man. He didn't mess around when it came to chasing stuff and killing it. That determination had taken him far in the FBI. He was also gleefully in flats, which meant he had better balance than Doggett in his pumps. But the slim agent made a slippery target. Mulder was trailing them both, yelling and trying to stop the Deputy Director.
Doggett, however, had done one thing right. He'd put the video camera over one shoulder, catching Kersh chasing him. The muumuu was flaring in all directions, providing considerable wind resistance, but the D.D. was gaining on him.
"Yeah, you chicken!" he yelled. "Just try and get away! You in your goddamn heels! Who's fast NOW, motherfucker?!"
Doggett's heart was hammering, and he bounded through the office space like a jack rabbit. The chase was wild. He ducked and dodged in and out of cubicles, yelling and scattering papers as he ran through. Finally, he swung around a corner, Kersh hot on his tail. The turn was so sharp that he almost went down. Mulder was about three feet behind Kersh and yelling at Doggett at the top of his baritone voice.
"Fucking HELL, you idiot, throw me the camera! He's too close!"
Mulder was right. Doggett braved a look over his shoulder, and Kersh was snarling, not a foot away from him.
"FUCK!" he yelled, and pitched the device like a football in Mulder's direction, just as Kersh tackled him on the carpet.
The camera took in the following: the noise of Doggett ("oof!") being hit by Kersh ("rrrrgh!"), an overview of the cubicles, filled with many stunned people, Mulder, as seen from above, Mulder's face looking very shocked, and an extreme close-up of Mulder's forehead before going black.
Fortunately, Mulder had a thick skull, as Scully had ruefully pointed out on more than one occasion. The device left only small cut on his forehead. He caught the video camera even though it had whacked him, shook off the blow, and took off running in the opposite direction. Kersh, who'd gotten off a few punches on an exhausted Doggett, left the man curled in a fetal position on the floor and ran after the other agent, yelling obscenities.
Mulder bolted for the elevator faster than a gelding at the Kentucky Derby. He skidded to a halt inside. The back wall finally stopped him when he slammed into it, and he frantically lurched forward to press the "close doors" button. They were obeying slowly.
Wide-eyed, he took in Kersh, coming straight for the elevator, and he began to bang on the button as hard and fast as he could. Kersh was a few yards away and starting to run . . .
There was a foot-wide gap.
Kersh was a few feet away.
The gap was 8 inches across.
The last thing Mulder saw of Kersh was three inches of the other man's purple, sweaty face, as the doors closed just in time.
He hit "4" and slumped against the wall, exhausted. Again, he held the "Doggett Cam" out in front of him at arm's length, amazed that the device was still recording.
"This is Special Agent Fox Mulder," he wheezed. "For myself and the amazingly courageous and speedy Agent Doggett, who I will go and retrieve in very short order . . ." He took another breath. "End transmission."
He turned the camera off. The elevator dinged. He cautiously stepped out and looked around. No Kersh. That was a good sign. He walked quickly into Skinner's outer office, slightly disheveled and sweaty, a few drops of blood on his white blouse from the cut on his head. He was carrying the video camera carefully.
Skinner looked up at him. Having finished the expense report coding, he was now enjoying a donut and coffee.
"Mulder, can I help you?"
"Yes. I, uh, I need to see A.D. Baker. Immediately. There's a pressing situation on the fifth floor that I have to get back to."
"Um, okay. Hang on." He turned on the intercom. "Ma'am?"
"Yes, Walter?" came Holly's voice.
"Ma'am, Agent Mulder is here to see you."
"Send him in."
Skinner gestured towards the door, but didn't get up. Mulder went for the door.
***
A few minutes later, he had presented Holly with the evidence and was pounding up the stairs to the fifth floor, stopping only for a second to apply the band-aid she'd handed him.
When he reached the fifth floor, he headed straight for the spot where Doggett had gone down. There was nobody there. Fearing for the other man's safety, he braved a look into Kersh's outer office. Kersh wasn't there.
But he had a hunch that Doggett hadn't gotten very far. He gingerly knocked on the inner office's door.
"Yes?" came a female voice.
"Uh, hi. I'm Agent Mulder. Who am I speaking to?"
"Deputy Director MacIntyre. You're that tall, brown-haired guy with the alien fixation, aren't you?"
"Yeah, that's me," Mulder said with a bit of a grin.
"Are you looking for Agent Doggett?"
"Yes, ma'am. Where is he?"
"In here. I rescued him. Alvin's in the copy room 'till three."
Mulder heard the door being unlocked and opened it into Kersh's spacious office. Rhonda smiled at him, quite the picture in her yellow suit. He smiled back. She pointed at the leather couch at the other end of the room. Doggett was decorating it like a flowered rug, curled on his side. He had his arms over his belly and was looking utterly miserable. He managed to open his eyes a bit as Mulder came over to him and put a hand on his shoulder.
"Hey," Doggett said.
"Hey, yourself. What happened?"
"You mean, after you ran away?" Doggett asked caustically.
"I didn't 'run.' I gave the evidence to A.D. Baker and then came back for you. So, again. What happened?"
"Kersh almost kicked the shit out of me, that's what happened. Fortunately, this lady over here put a stop to it and sent him away. She brought me in here." He turned to her. "Thanks again, Ms. MacIntyre, I 'ppreciate it."
"No sweat," she said, coming over to him. "Did he hit you in the stomach?"
"Right across the elastic of my damn hose."
"Ow."
"Yeah."
"Well, Agent Doggett, you're gonna hate me for this right now, but the only way to get your stomach to stop cramping is to get oxygen to the muscles. And the only way to do that is to stand up and stretch."
Doggett looked at her, wide-eyed. "That's gonna hurt!" he said.
"No shit, sherlock. Come on, up with 'ya." She offered him her hands.
He took them. She helped him stand up, then uncurl himself slowly. He hissed in pain a couple of times, but finally he was ramrod straight. Mulder gave him an encouraging nod.
"Come on," he said. "Stand tall. Nobody's ever going to call you Kersh's Bitch again."
Doggett gave him a small smile. The phone on Rhonda's desk rang.
"Excuse me," she said, and answered it sternly. "MacIntyre."
Mulder and Doggett smirked at each other.
"Yes. Thank you. I'll send them your way." She hung up. "That was A.D. Baker, boys. She wants to present you with something."
***
A few minutes later found them waiting in A.D. Skinner's outer office. They were sitting on the couch primly, their legs crossed, a little impatient to get in and see Holly. Skinner was typing again, listening to Mulder babble as he inspected himself. Doggett was rolling up a newspaper, annoyed, and eyeing Mulder. The other man had been muttering non-stop for the last few minutes. There was his blood-specked blouse, the new run in his hose from racing away from Kersh, the slight tear in his skirt, and now he was mumbling about the state of his hands.
"Geez," Mulder said. "You know, maybe Kersh was right. Maybe I do need a manicure. I mean, look at these nails! They're just a disgrace. I wonder if Scully knows any good places to go . . ."
Doggett cracked.
"Stop, it, stop, it, stop, it!" he yelled, swatting Mulder on the head with the newspaper.
Mulder shielded his face and Skinner started laughing.
"Don't even!" Doggett snarled at him, and pointed the newspaper in his direction threateningly.
Skinner blanched. It was about to get ugly. But Holly opened the inner door just in time, distracting all of them with her amusing appearance and big eyes. The men immediately quieted and looked at her politely.
"Come in, Agents," she said quietly.
Doggett and Mulder stood up as a unit, adjusted themselves, and went in to claim their prize.
***
What further adventures await our fantastic foursome? Find out in Chapter Five: "Lord of the Rings."
