Chapter 7: "How Holly Got Her Groove Back."

Doggett was decorating the floor of the basement like a bad rug.

Mulder had been dragged off to parts unknown.

And the two men responsible for this were Agents Arturo Menotti and Fred Tipper. "Art and Freddy" worked in the Computer Crimes Division. Today, however, they were working as secretaries, and they didn't like the treatment they'd received one bit. All the secretaries in suits had been telling Tipper it was "tit for tat," gesturing at Menotti. Tipper knew exactly what they meant, but he was too afraid of the other man to tell him the truth.

Menotti was a bully, plain and simple. He was a decent computer programmer, but not a happy man. He was fond of practical jokes and behavior that approached sexual harassment --- foul mouthed comments, crude innuendo, and jaw-dropping lack of respect. The secretaries hated him.

And Tipper, a small man who'd had asthma and glasses since he was six, was Menotti's sidekick, for lack of a better word. He didn't like the guy at all. But he'd been bullied all through school. So now, at 41, bone-weary from years of being the object of every joke or the target of every punch, he'd given up on the "self-defense" thing. His new motto was, "If 'ya can't beat 'em, join 'em."

Or, more accurately: "Shut your mouth and keep your teeth."

That said, he wasn't sure about Menotti's latest prank. Fox "Spooky" Mulder was not well-liked in the Computer Crimes Division. True, the X- files generated all sorts of rumors in the Bureau. And after that case where Mulder had insisted the computer was trying to kill people, well, he hadn't won many friends in the CCD. But to attack him?

And all for a stupid rule?

Menotti had looked carefully at the Rules Posters and noticed an interesting one that morning. Rule 51 stated that since women are generally not possessed of the same upper body strength as men, any "women" today could ask any "men" to heft heavy items for them. The "men" had to respond with courtesy and do their best to make it happen.

And he'd hatched his plan. A shipment of new gym lockers had just arrived to be put in the locker room. He asked the janitorial staff to remove one locker and leave it in the hallway thirty feet from the men's locker area, on the ground floor. They were confused, but he cited some work order number and they did as he asked, after laughing heartily over his clothes -- - he was wearing a hideous gray dress that he'd borrowed from his sister.

So now the locker was leaning against a wall in the hallway. Menotti and Tipper stumbled out of the elevator holding an unconscious Mulder between them. They quickly stuffed him into the locker and closed the door. Tipper immediately mopped his doughy face with a handkerchief.

"Now for the grand finale," Menotti said. He picked up a nearby phone and dialed the basement.

"Let's see if Spooky's bitch can lift him," he muttered, as it rang.

***

His call was what forced Scully and Reyes to leave the office, but right now it was the farthest thing from their minds.

Reyes' face looked peaked and pinched as she held her partner. She was talking to him. He was still unconscious. There was a bluish bruise forming on his left temple, which was bleeding. She put some gentle pressure on it with the palm of one hand.

"Oh my God! What happened?" Scully asked, coming over and holstering Mulder's weapon.

"It looks like somebody hit him," Reyes said, and kept talking to Doggett. "John?" she asked.

His eyes darted under the lids a bit and he moaned.

"John," Reyes said, getting him into a comfortable position, his head in her lap. "John, come on. Wake up. Wake up for me."

He managed to open his eyes and blink. "Monica?" he asked, looking at her fuzzily. "Zat you?"

"Yeah, it's me," she said, relief flooding her voice. "Dana's here, too. See?"

She pointed and held his head still to avoid a neck injury. He followed her finger with his eyes, all the way across his mid-line, to Scully, who was looking at him from the other side.

"Hi, Dana."

"Hey, John," she said politely, going into "Doctor" mode. She tilted his head so she could see the injury on his temple, then gently palpated the bump on the back of his skull. He cursed.

"Sorry. That was very good tracking. Do you feel dizzy? Is there any ringing in your ears? Any pain besides the bumps?"

"Uh, thanks, no, no, and no."

"Well, you're alert and logical. That's good. Do you think you can stand up?"

"Yeah," he grunted.

Both the women helped him to stand, and he stood firmly, even in the heels. He looked reasonably okay.

"Who hit you?" Reyes asked.

"Some guy, I guess," Doggett replied, touching the back of his head where it had struck the concrete. He winced. "I didn't get a good look at anything." Then he looked around for a second. "Where's Mulder?" he asked.

"I don't know," Scully said. "Why don't you come with us? There's ice in the break room on the first floor, and we have to go upstairs and lift something for Menotti."

"Rotty Menotti?" Doggett asked, with a chuckle. "What does he want hoisted?"

"Probably his worn-out genitalia," Reyes replied grumpily, surprising the other two with her vulgarity and causing Doggett to smirk.

"C'mon, John," she said. She took his arm to give him support, and the three of them stepped into the elevator.

***

They were soon upstairs and walking toward a gathered crowd. Scully and Reyes stood tall and walked fast, and Doggett brought up the rear, holding an ice pack to the back of his head. Menotti was waiting for them next to the locker. Tipper was half hiding behind him, watching.

"Hello, Agents," Menotti said. "Miss Doggett."

Doggett shot him an annoyed glare and leaned up against a wall.

"As you two know, Rule 51 says that if I ask for help in lifting something, you have to do it. So please move this locker down the hall into the men's locker room. Don't worry, it's empty."

Scully and Reyes looked at each other, at the locker, and at the thirty feet of hallway between them and the men's room. Resigned, they rolled up their sleeves. Reyes gently tipped the locker away from the wall and Scully guided it down a little ways, with its door facing the ceiling. She was huffing and puffing. It was heavy! She finally managed to get it down to her waist, and motioned for Reyes to pick up the other end.

"Empty, my ass. What's in this thing? Rocks?" Reyes puffed, picking up her side.

Doggett watched with some concern as the two women did their best to heft the thing down the hallway. Scully was moving backwards, Reyes was moving forwards, and they tried to keep their steps in sync. It wasn't working very well.

Skinner was running errands on the ground floor and saw the crowd. He walked over and stood next to Doggett, who filled him in. They both watched as the two women did their best to heft the locker.

Finally, Scully couldn't take it anymore. They were fifteen feet down the hallway, weighed down by possibly the heaviest item on planet earth, and not making much progress.

"Monica, my hands! They're slipping!"

"Hang on, Dana!"

"I'm gonna drop it!"

"Hang on!"

Scully couldn't hang on.

*WHUMP!*

The locker hit the floor on Scully's end, and Reyes dropped hers, too. Both women put their hands on their thighs, bent over, and took deep breaths. They were getting ready to pick up the locker again when they heard it . . .

"Owww."

It was more of a moan than a word. Scully's eyes got very wide and she blinked at Reyes.

"Hello?" came a quiet, deep voice from inside the locker. "Can anybody hear me?"

Skinner and Doggett looked at each other, and the hall went deadly quiet. Scully knew that voice like she knew her name. She leaned over the locker slots and saw a pair of hazel eyes blinking at her in the darkness.

"Mulder?" she asked, in horror. "What the hell are you doing in there?"

"I don't know, but it's bringing back memories of Junior High."

"Oh God," she muttered, and fumbled with the door. "Hang on."

Fortunately, the locker wasn't locked. She flung it open to reveal Mulder, squished inside like a large, very unhappy sardine. He was squinting up at her from the sudden burst of light. There was a crust of dried blood on his cheek and one of his pearl earrings was gone.

"I'll have you out of there in a second," she said.

She brought an arm around behind his back and neck and helped him pop out of the space halfway. He sat up, groggy, and rubbed his lower back. To her horror, she looked at the hand that had touched the side of his head. It was splotched with blood. She immediately leaned in to take a look at him, and he winced at her touch.

"Who did this to you?" she asked.

The reaction in the hall of seeing him in the locker was a mixture of shock and amusement, but Menotti was laughing so hard he was slapping his knees. A few other guys were imitating him weakly.

"I'm gonna take a wild guess and say *him,*" Mulder said, pointing.

And time stopped. Dana Scully whirled around in fury at Arturo Menotti, and everyone in her path scattered like chickens. Doggett and Skinner saw the anger in her eyes and moved away quickly. Even Tipper hugged the wall.

Scully stomped over to Menotti, grabbed him by his collar, put all the pieces of the puzzle together, and was ready to let him have it. He was still laughing.

"Aw, what? Is da itty bitty wadey mad?"

"I have three things to say to you," she responded, seething. "A, you hurt my partner, so prepare to meet a gruesome, disgusting end. B," and here she grabbed Tipper by the ear, "Your little accomplice is going down with you." Tipper began to wheeze in terror.

Mulder raised an eyebrow. An accomplice? He hadn't seen that. Maybe Scully had borrowed more than just his suit today.

"And C," she continued, then stopped. "Menotti, I don't even *have* a C! This is harassment, this is inexcusable, and if I was a less disciplined person, I'd be pounding you into the floor right now!"

"Pound me? You couldn't even lift a goddamn locker!" he retorted, his face in hers.

The final line had been crossed. Scully let her pretty face contort into a hellish mask of anger. Releasing Tipper for a moment, she slammed her newly free hand across Menotti's nose, banging his head into the wall behind him and watching with pleasure as the blood flew.

"Whoa! Agent Scully! Stop it!" Doggett yelled, and ran over. He dropped the ice pack and grabbed her arms to keep her from hitting Menotti again. "Reyes, watch these two, will 'ya?" he asked.

Reyes came over quickly and grabbed both of the agents by the ears. They yelped. Scully broke free of Doggett's hold and ran over to help Mulder the rest of the way out of the locker.

"Okay," Doggett said at this, then turned to Skinner. "Could you call A.D. Baker, tell her there's a situation we're bringing to her office?"

Skinner nodded, stunned, and went for a phone.

***

Fifteen minutes later, at 3 o' clock, a whole gaggle of people stumbled into the Assistant Director's office, arguing with each other. Skinner, his glasses slightly askew, led the way. Doggett and Mulder came next, looking a little banged-up, but mostly irritated. Scully followed them. Reyes followed her, holding Menotti (still with a bloody nose) and Tipper by the ears. Four secretaries in suits came in after them.

Holly looked a little alarmed by this procession.

"Walter, close the door and stay in the room," she said.

Skinner did as she asked, making himself comfortable by the door.

"What happened?" Holly asked.

Everybody started talking at once. She listened to the babble for about five seconds, then licked her lips and let out a very loud whistle through her teeth. Everyone stopped talking.

"Thank you. Agent Scully. Please tell me what happened," Holly requested, her voice quiet and polite as ever.

Scully explained, sparing no details of what had happened to Doggett and Mulder and who she insisted was responsible. Reyes and other people in the hall who had witnessed the scene were nodding their heads emphatically. Menotti looked defiant. Tipper looked like he wanted to shrivel up and blow away.

Holly stared at the large group of people for a couple of seconds, and then glanced at Skinner, sitting next to the door. She looked at him gently. If there was ever a time to act like her boss, it was now. She got up from behind the desk, set her face with what she hoped was a look of power and authority, and looked at Menotti.

"WELL, YOU BASTARD, WHADDAYA HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?!" she roared, scaring the hell out of everybody.

He glared at her. Holly puffed herself up like a Marine and stared him down. He lost his nerve.

"It --- It was just a joke," he stammered, shaking.

"I'm not laughing, Menotti. I see three injured field agents in front of me. Kindly explain how this is funny."

Menotti licked his lips nervously and looked at the floor. "*I* thought it was funny," he mumbled.

"Of course you thought it was funny!" Holly snarled. "I'd expect nothing less from you! Did you know that I've received more complaints about you from my fellow secretaries than about all the other agents in this building put together? Your conduct towards us is disgraceful. Your harassment of your fellow agents today dishonors the spirit of this entire agency. And I will not put up with it."

"Oh for Chrissakes, Holly, it was a joke. And you're just a secretary!" Menotti argued.

"For the next two hours, you will address me as Assistant Director Baker, you insubordinate asshole!" Holly snapped, as everybody jumped. "And as for you, Agent Tipper, perhaps you only intended to hide behind Menotti, here, but it doesn't matter. Any idiot will tell you that it takes two people to knock out two grown men at once. I'm siding with Agent Scully. You were directly involved."

Tipper quivered. Holly glared at them both. The room was still.

"Agents Menotti and Tipper. On account of your atrocious behavior and submissive cowardice, respectively, you are both hereby suspended until further notice. Without pay."

Skinner couldn't help it. His mouth dropped open, even as he felt a surge of pride for his secretary.

"Leave your badges and weapons on the desk, and get the hell out of this office."

Nobody moved.

"Do it! Now!" Holly shouted.

Finally, without a word, Menotti and Tipper moved forward, deposited their (unloaded) guns and badges onto the desk in front of her, and shuffled out of the room. Skinner saw them out and closed the door behind them.

The room was silent for a moment.

Then Mulder started to chant "Go Holly, it's your birthday, go Holly," and swing his hips around in a circle.

Everyone started laughing and talking. A few minutes later, the entire party had dispersed, the X-files division and suited secretaries having thanked her for her help. Finally, only Skinner was left in the room. He closed the door and walked over to the desk. Holly looked at him with her solemn brown eyes, quivering from her burst of adrenaline, as he fingered the badges of Menotti and Tipper. He looked at her with a slight smile.

"Way to go, kid. It's nice to know I have a secretary with a backbone."

She smiled back broadly. Praise from the boss was worth more to her than praise from anyone else in the Bureau.

"Thank you, sir," she said quietly, looking him in the eye. "I learned from the best."

Skinner processed this for a second, then nodded and took his leave.

***

Once outside in his outer office, he was surprised to see Mulder, Doggett, Reyes, and Scully standing there, waiting for him.

"Agents?" he asked.

"Uh, Walter, listen. We were wondering . . ." Mulder said.

"I'd love to come. Where are we going?"

Mulder opened and shut his mouth a few times and looked at Scully. She smiled.

"We're not sure yet," she said. "Holly told you?"

"Nah. But she said she learned from me how to be tough with people. Well, I learned something from her --- I eavesdropped through the intercom," he said, looking pretty pleased with himself.

"How much longer do we have to call you Walter?" Doggett asked, scratching at the healing bump on his temple. Reyes pulled his hand away.

"Uh, one hour, 45 minutes and 39 --- 38 seconds."

"How about if we call you Walter after work?" Mulder asked, just to be annoying.

"How about I kick your butt from here to Nebraska?" Skinner replied, irritated.

"How about Wally?"

Skinner was starting to get steamed.

"Walterina?"

Scully grabbed Mulder, started to steer him out before Skinner killed him and said, "Come down to the office when you get a minute. We'll hash out some dinner plans."

He nodded. "Sure."

Doggett and Reyes nodded at him and the four of them left. Skinner caught Scully whispering furiously at Mulder. Shaking his head at the four of them, he went and sat down at the desk again. All in all, today was working out rather well.

He didn't expect Alvin Kersh to come charging in an hour later, furious, his muumuu blotched with ink from an uncooperative copy machine . . .

And hungry for the blood of Agents Fox Mulder and John Doggett.

***

Will Kersh kill half of the X-files division? A battle will rage in Chapter 8: "Doggett's Magic Trick."