Note: Thank you so much, as usual, for all the reviews. :D Here's the
climax.
***
Chapter 8: "Doggett's Magic Trick."
Skinner stared at Kersh, who was quite a sight in his ink-spattered muumuu.
"Where are they?!" Kersh roared. "I know you know where those two idiots are, Walter! I will have their blood before the day is over!"
Skinner decided to play dumb. "What the hell are you talking about?" he barked defensively.
"Don't be stupid. I made Rhonda tell me everything," Kersh snarled. His hands were in fists. He slammed his knuckles down on Holly's desk and glared at Skinner. "Your little runt of a secretary let her ego get away from her."
Skinner glared at him.
"She ordered a videotape made of me in this ridiculous get-up. The making of said videotape carried a valuable . . ." he licked his lips nervously. "Reward. This reward was given to the agents of the X-files!"
"And?" Skinner asked, apparently finding nothing wrong with this.
That just inflamed Kersh. "That division is going to be shut down, if I have anything to say about it!"
"Alvin!" came a yell from outside.
Kersh turned around to see Brad Follmer coming in, a little out of breath. He looked ridiculous in his dress. Skinner eyed it carefully and then started to smirk, because he remembered it. It was that slinky, strappy, red thing from Penny's. The dress that Doggett had tossed out of the stall. He'd been unable to untangle the straps and put it on.
Much to Follmer's misfortune, he had figured it out. It fell to mid-thigh, and was so low-cut it revealed some of his curly blond chest hair. He hadn't shaved his legs. His feet were squished into too-small black flats, and a shimmery black sheath covered his fleshy shoulders. He looked like a prostitute on Valentine's Day.
Skidding to a halt, he announced, "They're down in the basement! Let's go!"
Kersh shot one final cold glance at Skinner and dashed out the door with Follmer. Skinner was very irritated --- and very confused. Follmer had somehow weaseled his way into Kersh's good graces. But for what purpose? And suddenly it hit him. Kersh knew *exactly* what the reward had been, and he'd told Follmer.
They were after the card.
"Oh, hell no," Skinner muttered, reaching for his desk phone. "It's my damn dinner, too. No frickin' way."
***
The basement was abuzz with activity. Everybody was skittering here and there, grabbing files from each other and sitting down at their respective computers to bang out the paperwork and get everything done. They were resolved to leave with nothing on their minds so they could fully enjoy themselves that evening.
The phone rang. Mulder grabbed it.
"X-files division. Mulder speak--- . . . Sir? Sir, calm down. . . . *WALTER.* There. 'Ya happy? . . . Good. What's going on? . . . Okay. . . . Yeah. . . . Consider us gone. Thank you."
He hung up. Everybody was looking at him, interested.
"That was Skinner," Mulder said, licking his lower lip. "Kersh is apparently out to kill Doggett and myself, and Follmer is with him."
"Brad's coming, too?" Reyes asked, her brow creasing. "This isn't right."
"No kidding. Skinner thinks they want the card."
"Well I'll tell you right now, they're not gettin' it," Doggett announced, annoyed. "We've been through so much shit today. . ."
"Right. Which means we have to leave. All of us."
"Why can't we just stay and fight them for it?" Reyes asked, surprising everybody.
Mulder stared at her. "Agent Reyes, are you okay?"
"I've never been better in my life," she snapped, her temper rising. "But this is garbage! What right do they have to take this away from us? You and John worked hard for it, and I say we should all defend it."
"Monica, fighting isn't the answer!" Scully said. "I can't believe I'm saying this to *you,* of all people. John, say something, would you?"
"Uh," Doggett began, "Well, Dana's right. Besides --- we can't risk confrontation with these people. If we kick their asses, they could fire all of us."
Reyes' mouth twitched in amusement. "What makes you think we can kick their asses?"
"Four against two. Simple as that."
"BUT," Mulder interjected, startling everybody, "An ass-kicking, while satisfying, won't solve anything. We have to leave. Now."
Everybody nodded (or grumbled) their assent and they made for the closed door. Mulder swung it open and the entire X-files division stopped dead in its tracks.
Kersh and Follmer were standing right there, looking at the four agents coldly.
"Oh shit," Mulder muttered, and started backing away.
He bumped into Scully, who was standing behind him. Reyes, who was standing slightly in front of Doggett, looked at Follmer's get-up and had quite the opposite reaction --- she started laughing. He turned brick-red.
"What are you laughing at, Agent Reyes?" he asked sternly.
"I can't believe you! You look like a whore!" she said, hooting with laughter and clapping her hands. "Hee hee! Oh, I am SO glad John couldn't figure out that dress!"
Scully stared at her and started to smile. "That was the one that landed on you at Penny's?"
Reyes was nodding and giggling.
"This dress has been ON John Doggett?!" Follmer screeched.
"Aw, don't be such a wuss, Follmer! I only got it on half-way!" Doggett said, starting to laugh too. "Besides, at least it's more form-fitting than *that* thing," he commented, pointing at Kersh.
He snickered for a few seconds before he realized that the room had gone completely silent. Then he quickly lost his grin and stilled his vocal chords.
"You can consider this division shut down, Agent Doggett," Kersh sneered. "That videotape will the hanging rope of all of you!"
"What videotape?" Mulder asked, calmly. Unlike the other three, he'd been keeping his eyes on their adversaries. "What are you talking about?"
"You know damn well what I'm talking about! I made Rhonda tell me what happened, Agent Mulder, so don't even try to lie to me."
"Do you have a copy of the videotape?" Mulder asked.
Kersh narrowed his eyes at him. "No."
"So basically, what you saw was a man with a video camera. This man, in fact," he said, pointing at Doggett, "And me. You hit Doggett a couple of times . . . for nothing. I'll tell you a secret, Alvin. The camera had nothing in it."
"That's a load!"
"There could have been Swiss cheese in the tape compartment, and you wouldn't have known!" Mulder said, puffing himself up and letting his voice boom.
"Shut up! I know that you two not only made that tape, but Holly gave you the Bureau credit card for the evening for doing it! Now I've had enough of this nonsense. Nobody tarnishes with my reputation, Agent, and you know I have the power to shut down this division. But," and here Kersh softened his glance, trying to appear magnanimous, "I'm willing to make an exchange. If you give me the credit card and all copies of the videotape, I will spare your pathetic jobs."
"Agent Mulder and Agent Doggett did nothing wrong!" Reyes cut in angrily. "This is a baseless accusation. All you have is hearsay! You say an order was given. Were you in the room when the order came? No. You say they put you on videotape. Did you get a look at the camera? No."
"She's right," Scully said, catching on. "And here's your kick in the pants, gentlemen. Tomorrow, the person who gave them the order will no longer be an Assistant Director. The order was verbal. There's no paper trail. No evidence. No proof." She smiled coldly. "Sound familiar?"
Doggett, in the back, was absently fingering a spot on his blouse, right above the waist of his skirt. The credit card was still safe in there.
"Stop playing mind games with us!" Follmer said, annoyed. "That credit card was obtained through illegal channels, from someone who was not authorized to dole it out, with a stunt intended to humiliate the Deputy Director. And we demand it back."
Doggett frowned. "We?" he asked. "You and Kersh got a hot date tonight, or something?"
And Follmer snapped. First Monica, his old flame, had laughed at him in his outfit. And now, here was an insult from the man he considered to be a human scab.
"You ASSHOLE!" he yelled, shoving Scully and Reyes to either side, and pounced on Doggett.
It was a bit of a mismatch. Doggett, while tough and lean, weighed a bit less than Follmer, so the other man quickly got the upper hand. He just flomped on top of Doggett like the world's heaviest bean bag, and tried to squish all the breath out of him. It was working.
Doggett was kicking his legs out and cursing under Follmer's weight. Mulder jumped in to help, and managed to dragged Follmer off. Reyes got up. Scully pulled herself to her feet and stared at Kersh menacingly. And Doggett, grunting, lashed out and kicked his opponent's shin.
Follmer howled in pain and elbowed Mulder in the gut. Mulder crouched and cursed, holding his stomach, and Follmer made for Doggett again. There was no one to stop him now except . . .
Reyes. She got right in her ex's face, furious, her dark eyes flashing. Nobody attacked her partner. Not even a higher-up. She smashed her knee into his groin and dropped him like a stone. But she wasn't emotion-free -- - she winced for him.
He fell, moaning, and landed on the floor next to Mulder, who was trying to get his abdomen back in order. Reyes knelt and grabbed Follmer by the arm. Scully helped Doggett to his feet and noticed that Kersh was just watching the scene, way too calmly for her taste. It seemed as though he was looking for a signal of some kind.
And he got it. Follmer, his eyes full of pain, looked at Kersh and sealed Doggett's fate.
"He . . . has . . . it," he wheezed, and stuck out his chin at Doggett. "In . . . his . . . blouse."
Doggett had about a second to realize that Follmer must have felt the rectangular shape when he landed on him, before Kersh was running at him, letting loose a battle cry. Scully was again flung aside, and landed on her ass. Doggett and Kersh hit the floor in a heap of twisting limbs, bulging veins, and angry faces, wrestling around and yelling at each other.
Doggett held the Deputy Director off with a palm under the other man's chin, cursed everything under the sun, and tried to kick his way free. Kersh, in response, sat on Doggett's knees to still his legs. He grabbed the front of his opponent's white blouse, and pulled.
*SSSHHKK!*
The blouse was ripped clear off of Doggett, and the force of the pull sent the credit card flying. By some miracle, the agent caught it in one hand and punched Kersh with the other.
Kersh roared like a prehistoric lizard, and flattened one huge hand on Doggett's chest to pin him down. Doggett squirmed, uselessly stretching his arm out to keep the card away from Kersh. Kersh's arm went the distance. He grabbed the card with a feral grin.
He got no warning at all.
"NOOOOOO!" Scully yelled, swooping in out of nowhere. She tackled him, throwing him off Doggett, and the two of them tumbled across the cement floor.
The card escaped Kersh's grip and fluttered down, right in the middle of everybody. Scully, sitting on him, saw it float down to the floor. Doggett, on his back, saw it too. Mulder, holding his side and starting to stand up, stared. Follmer, who was getting his strength back and starting to struggle against Reyes's grip, watched its every feathery move.
There was a brief pause, as it settled. And then everyone scrambled for it, butting heads, shouting like maniacs, and shoving each other. The end result, after thirty seconds or so, was that no one was holding the damn thing.
But Doggett was patient. He hung back, waited for his opportunity, and then, quick as lightning, he wiggled under the twisting, colliding bodies above him and snatched the card.
And in two seconds he was gone. Just a flash of yellow skirt and tanned skin, clutching the silver ticket to paradise desperately in his right hand. His left was busy, trying to pull Reyes's gun. He sprinted down the hallway, his bare chest heaving, his muscular legs pumping, and his heels clicking loudly on the cement. He made a beeline for the stairs up to the first floor.
"He's got the card!" Kersh screamed, pointing, and the fight broke up momentarily.
Follmer gritted his teeth, shook off Reyes, and ran after Doggett, yelling at him to stop. He bounded along, pulling his gun. Mulder ran after Follmer, holding his side and wincing, but he knew he was in no shape to catch up.
Scully and Reyes pulled weapons on Kersh. He blinked at them. However, he had enough sense not to move. After a bit, they led him down the hall, where it looked like the chase was coming to a close.
Follmer had his back to them, and his gun pointed at Doggett. Doggett's blue eyes were shifting like a caged animal's. Unable to draw Reyes's weapon in time, he'd been stopped just before the door to the stairs.
Mulder was behind them, trying to get Scully's gun out of the holster at his back and failing, because it seemed to be stuck. Scully rolled her eyes.
"Come on, Agent Doggett," Follmer said. "Just drop the card, and nobody gets hurt."
Doggett looked around, weary, heaving for breath. He'd found out through the grapevine that Scully and Reyes had put up with some nasty emotional crap today. They'd been hurt. He recalled the incident that he and Mulder had had with Menotti. They'd been hurt, too. Everybody had gotten hurt. *This is no fucking good at all,* he thought. There was only one thing to do.
"Drop the card?" he asked Follmer.
"Drop the card," came the command.
"Okay," he said. "You're the boss."
And with one swift motion, he stretched out the waistband of his remaining clothes, and "dropped" the card.
Straight into his underwear.
There was a collective gasp as he threw a steely-eyed glance at Follmer and Kersh. They could only stare at him in shock. Follmer lowered his weapon.
"Oh fuck!" he yelled, thoroughly annoyed.
"Go to hell," Doggett replied. "Both of you. Monica, Dana, you okay?"
The women nodded at him, mute with shock.
"How about you, Mulder?"
"Well, I may have to rinse out my eyes after what I just witnessed, but yeah, I'm okay."
He turned to their superiors. Scully and Reyes had taken their guns off Kersh. There was no way this was going any further.
"Feel free to leave any time, you two," Reyes said.
Their faces blank, Follmer and Kersh headed towards the elevators, defeated. The X-files division watched them go with stern faces and straight postures. Doggett crossed his arms over his chest and set his jaw. Reyes saw the muscles in his neck ripple.
The doors closed. The light disappeared, indicating the elevator car had gone.
"Thank God they left," Scully, muttered, holstering her temporary weapon.
Reyes did the same. "Yeah," she agreed.
"Okay," Mulder said. "I have to know, Doggett. Did the card go between skin and briefs, or briefs and hose? Because it looked like skin and briefs."
Everybody was looking at Doggett, preparing their features for looks of disgust. But after a pause, he broke into a grin and started to laugh.
"It was briefs and hose. I wasn't about to give anybody nightmares. See?" He tugged on the skirt, and pulled the hem of the hose away, leaving his underwear where it was. Fishing around for a second, he pulled the card out of its spot, where it had been safely tucked just over his right hip.
"The damn tights finally came in handy!" he commented.
Stony silence exploded into loud cheers and laughter. Reyes tousled his hair and squeezed his shoulder. Scully and Mulder were relieved, and complimented him on his rather ingenious solution to the stand-off.
Doggett handed the card to Reyes, and they went to go pick up his tattered blouse in the office. Mulder turned to Scully with a smile.
"All's well that ends well," he said.
"At least for us," she replied. "We've got the card, and Kersh and Follmer have absolutely no case against you and Doggett! For once, they'll be the ones without proof."
Mulder beamed. They embraced and gently bumped the wall.
"I love you," he mumbled into her hair.
"Shh," she said. "The walls have ears."
Mulder quickly jumped away from where they were, breaking the embrace.
"Not that particular wall, Mulder," Scully finished, annoyed. "Don't be an idiot."
"Oh, sorry. Is this better?" he asked, grabbing her again and squeezing her gently.
She laughed and protested "Mulder!" into his chest, but didn't break the embrace.
The elevator dinged.
The moment evaporated like steam. Alarmed, they let go of each other. Scully drew Mulder's weapon. Then she unstuck her own at his back and handed it to him. Reyes and Doggett peeked out of the office, but Mulder shooed them back in. He and Scully ducked low and made their way through some rows of iron shelves to the elevator.
The door was just closing. Someone had gotten out. But who?
Mulder and Scully gave each other a look and fanned out. Mulder tiptoed down the darkened aisles of shelves, and found nothing. But Scully followed footsteps to her right. They were far away, but then they turned and came back in her direction. She hid around a corner.
3, 2, 1, she counted to herself, then jumped out, gun drawn.
"Freeze!"
She almost gave Skinner a heart attack. He yelled in surprise and took a few breaths.
"Oh, si --- Walter. I'm so sorry," she said, lowering her weapon. "We just had a bit of a situation down here. Mulder! You can come out, it's just Skinner! Agent Doggett! Agent Reyes! All clear!"
The basement came to life, with three pairs of feet pounding in Skinner's direction. The four agents looked a little banged-up from their day, which was drawing to a close. Doggett's blouse was hanging off of him in loose tatters.
"Don't tell me Kersh got the card," Skinner said.
"Don't worry," Doggett said. "He didn't."
As proof, Reyes showed it to him.
"Great. I miss anything special?"
"Just Doggett doing a magic trick with his underwear," Mulder said, and everybody laughed.
"I take it I'll find out about this later," Skinner said, raising an eyebrow.
"Not if I can help it," Doggett replied, with all the dignity he could muster.
Reyes snickered and gently took his arm. He smiled at her.
"Well, if everything's cleared up, then I guess the only question remaining is . . . where are we going to dinner?"
***
The clock struck five.
Lucky was whistling. He took off his blonde wig, twirled it around for effect, and sent it sailing into the air. It landed on Tipper's monitor at his empty station.
"Ah," he breathed, scratching his head of wavy red hair. "Free at last, free at last! Wheee!"
He grabbed his handbag, now with a ring box tucked safely inside it, and sauntered out the door of the office, feeling pretty good. Not three feet down the hallway, he tripped in his heels and fell over on his face.
***
Skinner was packing up his workstation, feeling pleased with himself. He'd actually gotten all the work done that he needed to. It had been a while since he'd had to flex his fingers over the keyboard like that. Holly came out of his office and started to close the door, hoisting up her pant legs.
"Well, it's five," she commented quietly, turning towards him. "I guess I can start calling you 'sir' again."
"I suppose you can," he said.
"And I tidied up your desk. Hopefully you'll still be able to find stuff."
A small set of keys clinked as she laid them down on the desk in front of him. The keys to his inner office. He picked them up, fingering them absently.
"Thanks, Holly."
"You're welcome, sir. I'll get the suit dry cleaned, too. See you on Monday."
She was just starting to walk away when she heard his voice behind her.
"Holly?"
She turned. "Yes, sir."
"Tell me honestly. How did I do?"
"You did fine, sir," she said, smiling a little. "I couldn't have asked for a better substitute."
He looked at her keenly. "You're a terrible liar, Holly. Have you seen the reports I did today?"
"Yes," she said, cringing slightly.
"And?"
"And . . . I can fix it, sir. It'll all be okay."
Skinner hung his head with a sigh. Holly went over to him.
"Oh sir, don't be upset! You were extremely out of your element. It's not like tagging and coding things is your normal workload. Considering the circumstances, you did the best you could."
That didn't seem to cheer him up any, so she tried another tactic.
"You're a good Assistant Director, sir. And I'm a good secretary. That's why I'm out here, and you're in there. And believe me, I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm not so sure I did too well today, myself."
He finally looked up at her. She smiled gently, coaxing one out of him.
"You did very well," he said. "You made me proud. Listen, Holly, I'm going out to dinner with some friends tonight. Would you like to come?"
"Oh, wow! Uh, I'm flattered, sir, but I can't. I have a date," she said, blushing.
"Really! Well, have fun."
"Thanks," she said, with a shy laugh. "Have a great weekend, sir."
"All right," he said, as she left, and shook his head. Things were definitely back to normal.
***
Rhonda was packing up her desk, dumping all her little knickknacks into a box and gathering up her plant. Kersh was watching from his door, leaning on the jam and watching her work.
"You know, I don't think I've ever seen you apply yourself so single- mindedly to any task since you've been here. Have fun in Accounting."
Rhonda stopped packing and looked up at him. "Why aren't you firing me? I mean, you can. You could just dump my butt in the street and not think twice about it."
"Of course I could 'dump your butt in the street,'" he said, annoyed. "I'd prefer, however, to give you a one-way ticket to secretarial Hell. Accounting gives the toughest work loads and the least respect. It will either mold you, or break you. Perhaps it'll make you learn to shut your mouth and type faster. Either way, you will never be coming up here again. I guarantee it."
He turned, his muumuu flowing around his ankles, and walked into his office. The door slammed behind him. Rhonda stood there in her banana yellow suit, with her cardboard box, and looked at the door. She flipped it the bird.
Then she went to her desk, fished out a video tape marked simply "Kersh," and tossed it into her box with a smile.
"Yeah, but I gotcha," she muttered to herself. "Gotcha where it counts."
She turned and walked out of the office with a grin, secure in leaving it behind, and began to rip off her tie in the hallway. Rhonda was happy to be moving on. After all, there were some folks you just couldn't talk to. And some relationships you just couldn't fix.
So it didn't dim her dimpled smile to recollect, based on Holly's tally, that besides a few nice people she'd known for years, there were at least six handsome, single young men in Accounting. If she had any luck, (and she figured she was entitled to some), in a few months, Holly wouldn't be the only secretary at HQ with a steamy little secret.
***
So the day is over. But the night is young! There's a party goin' on in the conclusion of Thrill Switch. Hang on for Chapter Nine: "Two-Step."
***
Chapter 8: "Doggett's Magic Trick."
Skinner stared at Kersh, who was quite a sight in his ink-spattered muumuu.
"Where are they?!" Kersh roared. "I know you know where those two idiots are, Walter! I will have their blood before the day is over!"
Skinner decided to play dumb. "What the hell are you talking about?" he barked defensively.
"Don't be stupid. I made Rhonda tell me everything," Kersh snarled. His hands were in fists. He slammed his knuckles down on Holly's desk and glared at Skinner. "Your little runt of a secretary let her ego get away from her."
Skinner glared at him.
"She ordered a videotape made of me in this ridiculous get-up. The making of said videotape carried a valuable . . ." he licked his lips nervously. "Reward. This reward was given to the agents of the X-files!"
"And?" Skinner asked, apparently finding nothing wrong with this.
That just inflamed Kersh. "That division is going to be shut down, if I have anything to say about it!"
"Alvin!" came a yell from outside.
Kersh turned around to see Brad Follmer coming in, a little out of breath. He looked ridiculous in his dress. Skinner eyed it carefully and then started to smirk, because he remembered it. It was that slinky, strappy, red thing from Penny's. The dress that Doggett had tossed out of the stall. He'd been unable to untangle the straps and put it on.
Much to Follmer's misfortune, he had figured it out. It fell to mid-thigh, and was so low-cut it revealed some of his curly blond chest hair. He hadn't shaved his legs. His feet were squished into too-small black flats, and a shimmery black sheath covered his fleshy shoulders. He looked like a prostitute on Valentine's Day.
Skidding to a halt, he announced, "They're down in the basement! Let's go!"
Kersh shot one final cold glance at Skinner and dashed out the door with Follmer. Skinner was very irritated --- and very confused. Follmer had somehow weaseled his way into Kersh's good graces. But for what purpose? And suddenly it hit him. Kersh knew *exactly* what the reward had been, and he'd told Follmer.
They were after the card.
"Oh, hell no," Skinner muttered, reaching for his desk phone. "It's my damn dinner, too. No frickin' way."
***
The basement was abuzz with activity. Everybody was skittering here and there, grabbing files from each other and sitting down at their respective computers to bang out the paperwork and get everything done. They were resolved to leave with nothing on their minds so they could fully enjoy themselves that evening.
The phone rang. Mulder grabbed it.
"X-files division. Mulder speak--- . . . Sir? Sir, calm down. . . . *WALTER.* There. 'Ya happy? . . . Good. What's going on? . . . Okay. . . . Yeah. . . . Consider us gone. Thank you."
He hung up. Everybody was looking at him, interested.
"That was Skinner," Mulder said, licking his lower lip. "Kersh is apparently out to kill Doggett and myself, and Follmer is with him."
"Brad's coming, too?" Reyes asked, her brow creasing. "This isn't right."
"No kidding. Skinner thinks they want the card."
"Well I'll tell you right now, they're not gettin' it," Doggett announced, annoyed. "We've been through so much shit today. . ."
"Right. Which means we have to leave. All of us."
"Why can't we just stay and fight them for it?" Reyes asked, surprising everybody.
Mulder stared at her. "Agent Reyes, are you okay?"
"I've never been better in my life," she snapped, her temper rising. "But this is garbage! What right do they have to take this away from us? You and John worked hard for it, and I say we should all defend it."
"Monica, fighting isn't the answer!" Scully said. "I can't believe I'm saying this to *you,* of all people. John, say something, would you?"
"Uh," Doggett began, "Well, Dana's right. Besides --- we can't risk confrontation with these people. If we kick their asses, they could fire all of us."
Reyes' mouth twitched in amusement. "What makes you think we can kick their asses?"
"Four against two. Simple as that."
"BUT," Mulder interjected, startling everybody, "An ass-kicking, while satisfying, won't solve anything. We have to leave. Now."
Everybody nodded (or grumbled) their assent and they made for the closed door. Mulder swung it open and the entire X-files division stopped dead in its tracks.
Kersh and Follmer were standing right there, looking at the four agents coldly.
"Oh shit," Mulder muttered, and started backing away.
He bumped into Scully, who was standing behind him. Reyes, who was standing slightly in front of Doggett, looked at Follmer's get-up and had quite the opposite reaction --- she started laughing. He turned brick-red.
"What are you laughing at, Agent Reyes?" he asked sternly.
"I can't believe you! You look like a whore!" she said, hooting with laughter and clapping her hands. "Hee hee! Oh, I am SO glad John couldn't figure out that dress!"
Scully stared at her and started to smile. "That was the one that landed on you at Penny's?"
Reyes was nodding and giggling.
"This dress has been ON John Doggett?!" Follmer screeched.
"Aw, don't be such a wuss, Follmer! I only got it on half-way!" Doggett said, starting to laugh too. "Besides, at least it's more form-fitting than *that* thing," he commented, pointing at Kersh.
He snickered for a few seconds before he realized that the room had gone completely silent. Then he quickly lost his grin and stilled his vocal chords.
"You can consider this division shut down, Agent Doggett," Kersh sneered. "That videotape will the hanging rope of all of you!"
"What videotape?" Mulder asked, calmly. Unlike the other three, he'd been keeping his eyes on their adversaries. "What are you talking about?"
"You know damn well what I'm talking about! I made Rhonda tell me what happened, Agent Mulder, so don't even try to lie to me."
"Do you have a copy of the videotape?" Mulder asked.
Kersh narrowed his eyes at him. "No."
"So basically, what you saw was a man with a video camera. This man, in fact," he said, pointing at Doggett, "And me. You hit Doggett a couple of times . . . for nothing. I'll tell you a secret, Alvin. The camera had nothing in it."
"That's a load!"
"There could have been Swiss cheese in the tape compartment, and you wouldn't have known!" Mulder said, puffing himself up and letting his voice boom.
"Shut up! I know that you two not only made that tape, but Holly gave you the Bureau credit card for the evening for doing it! Now I've had enough of this nonsense. Nobody tarnishes with my reputation, Agent, and you know I have the power to shut down this division. But," and here Kersh softened his glance, trying to appear magnanimous, "I'm willing to make an exchange. If you give me the credit card and all copies of the videotape, I will spare your pathetic jobs."
"Agent Mulder and Agent Doggett did nothing wrong!" Reyes cut in angrily. "This is a baseless accusation. All you have is hearsay! You say an order was given. Were you in the room when the order came? No. You say they put you on videotape. Did you get a look at the camera? No."
"She's right," Scully said, catching on. "And here's your kick in the pants, gentlemen. Tomorrow, the person who gave them the order will no longer be an Assistant Director. The order was verbal. There's no paper trail. No evidence. No proof." She smiled coldly. "Sound familiar?"
Doggett, in the back, was absently fingering a spot on his blouse, right above the waist of his skirt. The credit card was still safe in there.
"Stop playing mind games with us!" Follmer said, annoyed. "That credit card was obtained through illegal channels, from someone who was not authorized to dole it out, with a stunt intended to humiliate the Deputy Director. And we demand it back."
Doggett frowned. "We?" he asked. "You and Kersh got a hot date tonight, or something?"
And Follmer snapped. First Monica, his old flame, had laughed at him in his outfit. And now, here was an insult from the man he considered to be a human scab.
"You ASSHOLE!" he yelled, shoving Scully and Reyes to either side, and pounced on Doggett.
It was a bit of a mismatch. Doggett, while tough and lean, weighed a bit less than Follmer, so the other man quickly got the upper hand. He just flomped on top of Doggett like the world's heaviest bean bag, and tried to squish all the breath out of him. It was working.
Doggett was kicking his legs out and cursing under Follmer's weight. Mulder jumped in to help, and managed to dragged Follmer off. Reyes got up. Scully pulled herself to her feet and stared at Kersh menacingly. And Doggett, grunting, lashed out and kicked his opponent's shin.
Follmer howled in pain and elbowed Mulder in the gut. Mulder crouched and cursed, holding his stomach, and Follmer made for Doggett again. There was no one to stop him now except . . .
Reyes. She got right in her ex's face, furious, her dark eyes flashing. Nobody attacked her partner. Not even a higher-up. She smashed her knee into his groin and dropped him like a stone. But she wasn't emotion-free -- - she winced for him.
He fell, moaning, and landed on the floor next to Mulder, who was trying to get his abdomen back in order. Reyes knelt and grabbed Follmer by the arm. Scully helped Doggett to his feet and noticed that Kersh was just watching the scene, way too calmly for her taste. It seemed as though he was looking for a signal of some kind.
And he got it. Follmer, his eyes full of pain, looked at Kersh and sealed Doggett's fate.
"He . . . has . . . it," he wheezed, and stuck out his chin at Doggett. "In . . . his . . . blouse."
Doggett had about a second to realize that Follmer must have felt the rectangular shape when he landed on him, before Kersh was running at him, letting loose a battle cry. Scully was again flung aside, and landed on her ass. Doggett and Kersh hit the floor in a heap of twisting limbs, bulging veins, and angry faces, wrestling around and yelling at each other.
Doggett held the Deputy Director off with a palm under the other man's chin, cursed everything under the sun, and tried to kick his way free. Kersh, in response, sat on Doggett's knees to still his legs. He grabbed the front of his opponent's white blouse, and pulled.
*SSSHHKK!*
The blouse was ripped clear off of Doggett, and the force of the pull sent the credit card flying. By some miracle, the agent caught it in one hand and punched Kersh with the other.
Kersh roared like a prehistoric lizard, and flattened one huge hand on Doggett's chest to pin him down. Doggett squirmed, uselessly stretching his arm out to keep the card away from Kersh. Kersh's arm went the distance. He grabbed the card with a feral grin.
He got no warning at all.
"NOOOOOO!" Scully yelled, swooping in out of nowhere. She tackled him, throwing him off Doggett, and the two of them tumbled across the cement floor.
The card escaped Kersh's grip and fluttered down, right in the middle of everybody. Scully, sitting on him, saw it float down to the floor. Doggett, on his back, saw it too. Mulder, holding his side and starting to stand up, stared. Follmer, who was getting his strength back and starting to struggle against Reyes's grip, watched its every feathery move.
There was a brief pause, as it settled. And then everyone scrambled for it, butting heads, shouting like maniacs, and shoving each other. The end result, after thirty seconds or so, was that no one was holding the damn thing.
But Doggett was patient. He hung back, waited for his opportunity, and then, quick as lightning, he wiggled under the twisting, colliding bodies above him and snatched the card.
And in two seconds he was gone. Just a flash of yellow skirt and tanned skin, clutching the silver ticket to paradise desperately in his right hand. His left was busy, trying to pull Reyes's gun. He sprinted down the hallway, his bare chest heaving, his muscular legs pumping, and his heels clicking loudly on the cement. He made a beeline for the stairs up to the first floor.
"He's got the card!" Kersh screamed, pointing, and the fight broke up momentarily.
Follmer gritted his teeth, shook off Reyes, and ran after Doggett, yelling at him to stop. He bounded along, pulling his gun. Mulder ran after Follmer, holding his side and wincing, but he knew he was in no shape to catch up.
Scully and Reyes pulled weapons on Kersh. He blinked at them. However, he had enough sense not to move. After a bit, they led him down the hall, where it looked like the chase was coming to a close.
Follmer had his back to them, and his gun pointed at Doggett. Doggett's blue eyes were shifting like a caged animal's. Unable to draw Reyes's weapon in time, he'd been stopped just before the door to the stairs.
Mulder was behind them, trying to get Scully's gun out of the holster at his back and failing, because it seemed to be stuck. Scully rolled her eyes.
"Come on, Agent Doggett," Follmer said. "Just drop the card, and nobody gets hurt."
Doggett looked around, weary, heaving for breath. He'd found out through the grapevine that Scully and Reyes had put up with some nasty emotional crap today. They'd been hurt. He recalled the incident that he and Mulder had had with Menotti. They'd been hurt, too. Everybody had gotten hurt. *This is no fucking good at all,* he thought. There was only one thing to do.
"Drop the card?" he asked Follmer.
"Drop the card," came the command.
"Okay," he said. "You're the boss."
And with one swift motion, he stretched out the waistband of his remaining clothes, and "dropped" the card.
Straight into his underwear.
There was a collective gasp as he threw a steely-eyed glance at Follmer and Kersh. They could only stare at him in shock. Follmer lowered his weapon.
"Oh fuck!" he yelled, thoroughly annoyed.
"Go to hell," Doggett replied. "Both of you. Monica, Dana, you okay?"
The women nodded at him, mute with shock.
"How about you, Mulder?"
"Well, I may have to rinse out my eyes after what I just witnessed, but yeah, I'm okay."
He turned to their superiors. Scully and Reyes had taken their guns off Kersh. There was no way this was going any further.
"Feel free to leave any time, you two," Reyes said.
Their faces blank, Follmer and Kersh headed towards the elevators, defeated. The X-files division watched them go with stern faces and straight postures. Doggett crossed his arms over his chest and set his jaw. Reyes saw the muscles in his neck ripple.
The doors closed. The light disappeared, indicating the elevator car had gone.
"Thank God they left," Scully, muttered, holstering her temporary weapon.
Reyes did the same. "Yeah," she agreed.
"Okay," Mulder said. "I have to know, Doggett. Did the card go between skin and briefs, or briefs and hose? Because it looked like skin and briefs."
Everybody was looking at Doggett, preparing their features for looks of disgust. But after a pause, he broke into a grin and started to laugh.
"It was briefs and hose. I wasn't about to give anybody nightmares. See?" He tugged on the skirt, and pulled the hem of the hose away, leaving his underwear where it was. Fishing around for a second, he pulled the card out of its spot, where it had been safely tucked just over his right hip.
"The damn tights finally came in handy!" he commented.
Stony silence exploded into loud cheers and laughter. Reyes tousled his hair and squeezed his shoulder. Scully and Mulder were relieved, and complimented him on his rather ingenious solution to the stand-off.
Doggett handed the card to Reyes, and they went to go pick up his tattered blouse in the office. Mulder turned to Scully with a smile.
"All's well that ends well," he said.
"At least for us," she replied. "We've got the card, and Kersh and Follmer have absolutely no case against you and Doggett! For once, they'll be the ones without proof."
Mulder beamed. They embraced and gently bumped the wall.
"I love you," he mumbled into her hair.
"Shh," she said. "The walls have ears."
Mulder quickly jumped away from where they were, breaking the embrace.
"Not that particular wall, Mulder," Scully finished, annoyed. "Don't be an idiot."
"Oh, sorry. Is this better?" he asked, grabbing her again and squeezing her gently.
She laughed and protested "Mulder!" into his chest, but didn't break the embrace.
The elevator dinged.
The moment evaporated like steam. Alarmed, they let go of each other. Scully drew Mulder's weapon. Then she unstuck her own at his back and handed it to him. Reyes and Doggett peeked out of the office, but Mulder shooed them back in. He and Scully ducked low and made their way through some rows of iron shelves to the elevator.
The door was just closing. Someone had gotten out. But who?
Mulder and Scully gave each other a look and fanned out. Mulder tiptoed down the darkened aisles of shelves, and found nothing. But Scully followed footsteps to her right. They were far away, but then they turned and came back in her direction. She hid around a corner.
3, 2, 1, she counted to herself, then jumped out, gun drawn.
"Freeze!"
She almost gave Skinner a heart attack. He yelled in surprise and took a few breaths.
"Oh, si --- Walter. I'm so sorry," she said, lowering her weapon. "We just had a bit of a situation down here. Mulder! You can come out, it's just Skinner! Agent Doggett! Agent Reyes! All clear!"
The basement came to life, with three pairs of feet pounding in Skinner's direction. The four agents looked a little banged-up from their day, which was drawing to a close. Doggett's blouse was hanging off of him in loose tatters.
"Don't tell me Kersh got the card," Skinner said.
"Don't worry," Doggett said. "He didn't."
As proof, Reyes showed it to him.
"Great. I miss anything special?"
"Just Doggett doing a magic trick with his underwear," Mulder said, and everybody laughed.
"I take it I'll find out about this later," Skinner said, raising an eyebrow.
"Not if I can help it," Doggett replied, with all the dignity he could muster.
Reyes snickered and gently took his arm. He smiled at her.
"Well, if everything's cleared up, then I guess the only question remaining is . . . where are we going to dinner?"
***
The clock struck five.
Lucky was whistling. He took off his blonde wig, twirled it around for effect, and sent it sailing into the air. It landed on Tipper's monitor at his empty station.
"Ah," he breathed, scratching his head of wavy red hair. "Free at last, free at last! Wheee!"
He grabbed his handbag, now with a ring box tucked safely inside it, and sauntered out the door of the office, feeling pretty good. Not three feet down the hallway, he tripped in his heels and fell over on his face.
***
Skinner was packing up his workstation, feeling pleased with himself. He'd actually gotten all the work done that he needed to. It had been a while since he'd had to flex his fingers over the keyboard like that. Holly came out of his office and started to close the door, hoisting up her pant legs.
"Well, it's five," she commented quietly, turning towards him. "I guess I can start calling you 'sir' again."
"I suppose you can," he said.
"And I tidied up your desk. Hopefully you'll still be able to find stuff."
A small set of keys clinked as she laid them down on the desk in front of him. The keys to his inner office. He picked them up, fingering them absently.
"Thanks, Holly."
"You're welcome, sir. I'll get the suit dry cleaned, too. See you on Monday."
She was just starting to walk away when she heard his voice behind her.
"Holly?"
She turned. "Yes, sir."
"Tell me honestly. How did I do?"
"You did fine, sir," she said, smiling a little. "I couldn't have asked for a better substitute."
He looked at her keenly. "You're a terrible liar, Holly. Have you seen the reports I did today?"
"Yes," she said, cringing slightly.
"And?"
"And . . . I can fix it, sir. It'll all be okay."
Skinner hung his head with a sigh. Holly went over to him.
"Oh sir, don't be upset! You were extremely out of your element. It's not like tagging and coding things is your normal workload. Considering the circumstances, you did the best you could."
That didn't seem to cheer him up any, so she tried another tactic.
"You're a good Assistant Director, sir. And I'm a good secretary. That's why I'm out here, and you're in there. And believe me, I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm not so sure I did too well today, myself."
He finally looked up at her. She smiled gently, coaxing one out of him.
"You did very well," he said. "You made me proud. Listen, Holly, I'm going out to dinner with some friends tonight. Would you like to come?"
"Oh, wow! Uh, I'm flattered, sir, but I can't. I have a date," she said, blushing.
"Really! Well, have fun."
"Thanks," she said, with a shy laugh. "Have a great weekend, sir."
"All right," he said, as she left, and shook his head. Things were definitely back to normal.
***
Rhonda was packing up her desk, dumping all her little knickknacks into a box and gathering up her plant. Kersh was watching from his door, leaning on the jam and watching her work.
"You know, I don't think I've ever seen you apply yourself so single- mindedly to any task since you've been here. Have fun in Accounting."
Rhonda stopped packing and looked up at him. "Why aren't you firing me? I mean, you can. You could just dump my butt in the street and not think twice about it."
"Of course I could 'dump your butt in the street,'" he said, annoyed. "I'd prefer, however, to give you a one-way ticket to secretarial Hell. Accounting gives the toughest work loads and the least respect. It will either mold you, or break you. Perhaps it'll make you learn to shut your mouth and type faster. Either way, you will never be coming up here again. I guarantee it."
He turned, his muumuu flowing around his ankles, and walked into his office. The door slammed behind him. Rhonda stood there in her banana yellow suit, with her cardboard box, and looked at the door. She flipped it the bird.
Then she went to her desk, fished out a video tape marked simply "Kersh," and tossed it into her box with a smile.
"Yeah, but I gotcha," she muttered to herself. "Gotcha where it counts."
She turned and walked out of the office with a grin, secure in leaving it behind, and began to rip off her tie in the hallway. Rhonda was happy to be moving on. After all, there were some folks you just couldn't talk to. And some relationships you just couldn't fix.
So it didn't dim her dimpled smile to recollect, based on Holly's tally, that besides a few nice people she'd known for years, there were at least six handsome, single young men in Accounting. If she had any luck, (and she figured she was entitled to some), in a few months, Holly wouldn't be the only secretary at HQ with a steamy little secret.
***
So the day is over. But the night is young! There's a party goin' on in the conclusion of Thrill Switch. Hang on for Chapter Nine: "Two-Step."
