Letti
ng Go
By Mokutou Sora (
sora@inbox.lv )
Angelic
Layer ·
CLAMP
Mihara Oujiro wasn't surprised when Shuuko spoke with him.
"You have to let go."
The first words spoken after a silence of thirty minutes. Oujiro gave a
twisted smile and looked out of the window. They were in a small, quaint café.
The glass windows were well polished and clean. The sky was so blue! Most likely
Misaki would be—
"Oujiro! You have to listen to me!" There was a note of frustration
in Shuuko's voice.
Oujiro turned and looked at her. His heart gave a small leap. How
beautiful she was. He wasn't kidding when he talked to Misaki about his first
love. Shuuko was wearing such a sad expression; the type she wore when she had
to make a hard decision. Oujiro wished he could make it easier for her—but he
couldn't. He looked down at his empty teacup.
"Ou-kun!" Shuuko grabbed both his hands. The action caused him to
look immediately back at her. Shuuko's eyes were brimming with tears.
"It's hurting both of you! You don't have to force it! You cannot force
it!" She gave her head a small shake, "You have to let Misaki go, Oujiro.
It's you who has to let go—for both your sakes…"
Was this how an angel felt if their Deus were in pain? The feelings
Shuuko felt transmitted so plainly to Oujiro. He hated the fact that he could
understand so well. Oujiro began to feel the terrible hollow he had been trying
to avoid these past few weeks.
He had to let go of Misaki. They did love each other but not in the way
they wished they did, or rather, the way Oujiro wished they did.
Misaki did love him.
As a brother.
Oujiro smirked at himself. How stupid he was not to realize that the
feelings he harbored for her was that for a younger sister, not a lover.
But they continued their charade anyway. It caused nothing but pain.
No matter what they wished or how hard they tried, they couldn't deny
what was truly happening; They couldn't deny what they truly felt.
Misaki realized it first, when she began distancing herself from him.
Oujiro knew he had to let go. He closed his eyes and tried to control the
feelings that threatened to engulf him.
"I understand, Shuuko-san."
Shuuko gave him such a grateful smile and gave his hands a soft squeeze,
"Arigatou."
Oujiro couldn't bring his eyes to meet hers.
He said nothing.
* * * * *
The sand felt rough under her bare feet but Misaki didn't care. Seeing
Oujiro in this state pained her. It was her fault—if she'd only spoken
sooner…
"Gomen ne, Oujiro-san." Misaki felt her throat contract. Why did this
feel so painful? She did love Oujiro. Very much. But as a sister loves a
brother. Misaki wondered now why they even bothered pretending otherwise.
"I—I should've been the one who spoke to you. I—I…" Misaki
couldn't find the words.
Oujiro turned and looked at her. He smiled and Misaki knew thatg she
could not measure the pain he masked in there, "Daijoubu, Misaki. I
understand. You needn't say anything anymore." He turned again, his back to
her. He looked out at the sea. "In fact, I should be sorry too."
He sounded so distant! Choking back a sob, Misaki walked towards him and
hugged him. He stiffened at her touch. Misaki hurt. She leaned her forehead on
his back. No tears could fall; She began to talk, "I couldn't leave you
because I love you so much. I really love you—but not in the way…you seem so
lonely, so sad…how could I find the heart to…" Misaki paused, "I wonder
now why we even bothered to."
Misaki felt Oujiro give a sigh and try to pull away. Misaki closed her
eyes at the pain and said, "Don't."
She felt Oujiro slump. "Misaki…" He took a breath, "I don't
know why we bothered, Misaki. I can't understant it myself. Maybe it was just
the place and time—just not the especially right one. Heh." His voice became
strained. "It's—it's not like we have to worry about it anymore. It's
all over, right?"
Misaki felt cold allover. She dropped her arms and whispered, "Do
you—do you regret that you love me?"
Something in her voice must have struck a chord for Oujiro quickly spin
around and held her tightly by the shoulders. His eyes were fierce and his voice
adamant as he said, "Never."
Misaki looked down at her toes, "I don't want to lose you."
He kneeled down and held her to him softly. His closeness, his warm and
caring love—a dozen might-have-been's flashed in front of her. But no, this
was better. The way things now were better. She just has to get used to that.
She closed her eyes and leaned into his embrace and spoke the words she knew she
had to, "Daisuki, oniisan."
Oujiro stiffened then relaxed after a split second. Time seemed to have
stilled. He held her closer and then Misaki felt she let something inside him
go. They both did what they had to. Misaki didn't know if she wanted to be
happy or sad about it. Nothing would ever be the same between them.
But it had to happen.
Oujiro eased himself gently from her arms and looked into her eyes. She
couldn't read the light his eyes reflected—but he was smiling. How wonderful
he looked…
He bent over and kissed her forehead. "Imouto."
He stood up and began walking away.
Misaki stood there, looking at Oujiro's figure, watching his shadow
walk father and farther away. What was she feeling?
Misaki's tears began to fall anew.
No regrets.
* * * * *
Oujiro stared into the ceiling of his room.
He let go, right? It was finished. Done for. He did what they both had to
do. He closed his eyes and sighed. He didn't know if he was wise or a fool.
There was a hollow feeling inside him and everything seemed to have little
sense.
But Oujiro knew he couldn't go back. There should be something
different, something new between Misaki and him. There would be. Maybe it would
be better for both of them.
Maybe.
At the moment though, Oujiro didn't care. He needed to forget.
He sat up abrubtly and grabbed the only thing that remained unchanged.
His Angel, Wizard.
"Let's go play, Wizard."
