Why do I even try?
I make my pathetic comeback with this little piece of tooth-wedged asparagus.

These are just some little details I worried over. Don't bother to contest them, I'm never proud of my writing. I accept my shit, and will roll around in it just because it's all mine
(I love Jhonen Vasquez)
So with much further ado, here's this thing I wrote just for the pure unadulterated hell of it (and why not, I ask you? Besides the fact that bad writing sucks like canker sores suck, but why not, I ask you again? Let's not be redundant [however useful a comedic tool it is] and GET ON WITH IT [yes kids, I've resorted to yelling at myself])
(Shut up)
(Sorry)

The Mask

The last vestiges of light from the hissing portal danced across Miyu's features as it closed on the final wandering Shinma she and Larva had sealed. With a final noise that reminded her of *poke!* the gateway snapped shut. She closed her eyes in relief, and turned to her companion, gazing at him. Larva was staring at the place where the gateway had closed, his face unreadable as usual behind his stone mask. She frowned.
"What now?"
Larva shrugged obsequiously.
Miyu's frown deepened. She was mildly upset that such a major event had gone otherwise unremarked by both the world and her supposed Guardian. "Is that all? After all we've gone through, after saving you from your family, after both of us dying and being reborn, after years of holding me in your arms as I pined for this day, THAT is all?!"
Larva's face swiveled toward her. Miyu was sure his mask hid a withering look. She sighed, shoulders slumping.
"Sorry. It's just that I expected-"
"SOMETHING MORE CLIMACTIC?"
Miyu spun toward the new voice. She clutched her head absently. *That's a lot of capitals*. Letting her arms drop to her sides, she regarded her Osa. "As you might know, indicated by your presence here, I have completed the task you have given me, and demand you release my parents."
Something slammed into the back of her shoulder, and she went careening wildly into the opposite wall. She sat up and shook her head. "Oh yes, and release Larva." She glared at him, and he shrugged apologetically. *He never did know his own strength*
The Osa turned it's one bulbose glowing eye on them, and gave over picking it's teeth with one of it's branches. "HUH? OH YEAH." It gave an absent flick of one branch, flinging food onto Larva's mask, and a large cube of what appeared to be glass (ah, or was it ice?) appeared off to the group's right. Miyu immediately recognized her parent's holding chamber.
"Release them!" Miyu demanded.
"MY YOU ARE QUICK." It turned it's orb on the cube, whereas large cracks immediately began appearing. The thing fell apart with a rather unsatisfying *pwip*, nearly like an egg being cracked over a frying pan, depositing Miyu's unconscious parents in a rather damp heap. Faint snickering was heard from behind Larva's mask. Miyu glared at him, whereas it stopped. She turned her golden eyes to the branch-like God-demon in front of them. "And Larva?"
The Osa had one branch lodged in what looked like a knot-hole in the side of what everyone took to be it's body. "YEAH YEAH, AND LARVA." It yanked out it's branch, bringing with it the squirrel that had made it's home in what everyone took to be the Osa's body. The Osa suddenly flung the small rodent directly at Larva, catching him squarely and rather confusedly in the face. The mask cracked, falling in half to shatter on the ground at Larva's feet. Miyu stared at it in consternation. "That's IT? I could have done th-"
"SILENCE!"
"Are you yelling at me, or is that just all the capital letters again?"
"I HAVE FULFILLED MY END OF THE AGREEMENT, NOW LEAVE ME, SMALL....GIRL-LIKE.......BRAT....THING. GRRR. I DEPART!" And with that, it departed, in a rather uncharacteristic poof of glitter.
Miyu turned to her friend, and sole companion throughout her now-finished ordeal. His head was bowed as he gazed at the mess at his feet, his cowl obscuring the features Miyu had longed to gaze at since she had first sighted them that night on the beach. (I acknowledge that was confusing. Fuck it I care! :)) "L-Larva?"
"Arggggg?..." a harsh female voice moaned questioningly. Miyu's eyes bulged before she realized the voice was coming from the other half of the crumpled heap that was her parents.
"Mother?"
The more feminine of the damp pair raised it's head to peer blearily at Miyu. "Miyu?"
Miyu's eyes, for the first time since, well, honestly, last week, filled with tears. "Yes, Mother, it's me."
"Why aren't you in bed?"
Miyu face-faulted. "W-what? Mother, I-"
"Qui-eeeet." The second figure groaned. "I'm trying to get sum."
"Huh?!" Miyu's confusion was interrupted by a familiar hand on her shoulder.
"They're just disoriented. It should wear off."
Miyu's eyes lit up at hearing the longed-for voice, and she spun, beaming, to greet Larva face to face at long last. She stared up at his face with wide eyes. He might have been smiling softly at her, she couldn't tell, as God-knows how many years of facial hair was matted up under half his face, ultimately taking the shape of his mask and looking as if someone had taken to stapling light blue Chia pets haphazardly to the bottom half of his face. He noted her somewhat-well, rather-extremely dumbstruck look, and attempted to run a hand through his growth.
"Well...." He might have grinned apologetically. "What did you expect?"
Miyu went crosseyed, and turned away from what was in front of her, hoping to collect herself a bit more before confronting it.
Her parents were in a writhing heap, which, as Miyu began to notice, smelled rather bad. Suddenly her father shot up, clutching himself rather disconcertingly. "AUUUGHG!!! I gotta GO! Why oh WHY do I have to go so BAD?!"
Miyu stepped forward. "Well, you've been asleep for quite a long time..."
Her father's glasses had slipped, showing her one baleful eye. He spoke each word in a calculated and dangerous voice. "If you value your life or your sanity, for GOD'S SAKE, show-me-a-BATHROOM."
Miyu pointed resignedly to a hallway off to her left. Her father dashed away, slightly hampered by the fact he was still clutching himself as thought trying to stop himself from falling in two. Miyu shook her head. *At least he's a bit more animated now...* Her mother was resting on her elbows, still lying where she had originally fallen, and was peering at the ground with a forlorn look on her face.
"Mother?"
"Miyu?"
"Yes Mother?"
Her mother spoke in a small, lost voice. ".......I smell like bowling shoes."
Miyu pinched the bridge of her nose between two fingers. This wasn't how she envisioned her reunion in the slightest. Still, she supposed she had to be realistic. "Just...follow the scent path Father made. He smells like bowling shoes too. There should be a bathroom at the end of it. You can....bathe."
Miyu's mother crawled laboriously over to Miyu and clutched her bare knee, peering reverently up at her. "Bless you." She then pulled her way, sniffing, in the direction Miyu's father had raced off. Miyu sadly gazed after them. She turned to stare at Larva. She noticed his face seemed more....tame, as he had been flicking at his face with his razor-sharp fingernails, giving himself an impromptu shaving. She gave him a small smile. "This isn't really how I imagined my reunion...." She hung her head. He held his arms out to her, and she gratefully sank into his familiar embrace.
"I know, Miyu. I know."
She looked happily up at him, glad to see him smiling softly back. "At least I can finally see your face," she laughed. He laughed with her, relief at being able to do so after so long entering his voice.
"Yes, that was rather-"
"AAAAAAUUGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" Miyu began frantically pushing at his chest, face turning an obscene color.
"What?" Larva leaned close, concern painting his face. "What's wrong, Miyu?"
Miyu finally freed herself and backpedaled, howling, until she slipped on the little puddle of dampness her parents had left, where she lay panting, taking deep breaths of sweet, pure, life-giving air; sweeter than blood at that moment. She raised her head to stare at a rather sad-looking Larva. "My GOD Larva," she wheezed, "Your....your BREATH!!? What is WRONG? There has to be something WRONG, because, because.....that's just UNHOLY!!!!!"
Once again Miyu was the recipient of a withering look. "I haven't exactly had the opportunity to brush my teeth."
Miyu swallowed. She figured she didn't want to hurt Larva's feelings more by retching violently until every ounce she had ever ingested was painted on the floor. She rolled over to her side, gulping. "It's....it's allright, Larva." She squeezed her eyes shut. "Just please, please go....DO something about your gaping STINK HOLE!"
Larva, looking extremely bemused, followed the path her parents had taken.
"And if you're going to use my toothbrush make sure to BURN IT AFTERWARDS!" she called out after him. She sighed and let herself down, figuring she could take a small nap while her near and dear went through their necessary ablutions


Forgive me. I was listening to 'Get Your Freak On' while writing this. The next chapter concludes this prostate exam of an excuse for writing, and on a considerably more happy note than this one left off with. Don't worry, fans, all the happy comes out next chapter. Yous all will like it. Aww yeeuh
"Nawww. Come on girly, I show you my nut-zone"
-Man with 'beer' on shirt from 'I Feel Sick', talking to Devi, who is really me, by the way. YAAAAAAAAAAY!
(I don't know what that was about, by the way)
Have a cranberry. Even if you don't like them. It'll be something, at least.
Goodbye til later kids. Review me, I'm begging you. Please? The more reviews, the more happy the next chapter
'K, bye for real kids



*review now*