Part 3 - The visitor
Elrohir smiled slightly to himself as the wood finally came into sight below him. It was almost a sad little smile, as he pulled his horse to a stop with a sigh. He wished that his brother had agreed to come with him when he'd asked him. Though it had been Elladan's idea to take this trip he had declined to come with him. Elrohir knew he wanted to be close to Glorfindel, that he loathed to leave his lover, and sighed. While he understood, that part of him was also jealous, though he would never admit it to Elladan. He loved his brother more than any other, there was a bond between them that no lover could ever replace or take away, and he knew that as surely as he knew that Elladan worried for him and would have come had he pushed it. Pushing his hair back from his face he shook off his thoughts, knowing now was not the time nor the place to simply sit and loose himself.
He had seen too much evidence of orcs and other not so savory creatures of late. Having managed to avoid them so far did not guarantee his continued safety should he let his guard down. Elrohir had traveled the world enough to know this, putting his thoughts from his mind was the best he could do at this time. Thoughts of his brother and his lover of shadow, and all that had transpired only a few short weeks ago in Rivendell, yet they felt almost like an eternity away, so close and yet so far. Still bright in his memory as they would always be, no matter how much time would pass.
Urging Tel forward with his knees, Elrohir rode down towards the waiting forest below wondering who would greet him when he reached the forest's edge. It had been some time since the last time he and Elladan had been here. Though he did not doubt that already they knew of his coming and were waiting for him, but he had nothing to fear from the inhabitants of the forest, more from those around the outside of it. //Well Elladan, I have the reached the forest, will this help? I do not know, part of me wished I had stayed longer, were he to come back and find me gone? What would he think of me then, that I had given up so easily on him... Enough...// Elrohir admonished himself finding it was not so easy to banish his thoughts as it had once been.
Haldir and his two fellow guards had spied the lone rider miles away, and with their bows aimed, they were silently waiting in the shadows. Coming closer, Haldir recognized him as a son of Elrond, and signaled to his men to lower their weapons. This was the first time he had ever seen any of them alone, they had always been together, and silently he wondered what had made them to separate. The twins had often visited their grandparents in Lothlorien, and Haldir knew them fairly well without being a close friend, they were always nice to him and liked to talk with him, and when they were smaller he had given them archery lessons. Still he had to wait until the lone elf had almost reached the forest edge before he was able to tell which one this was.
He climbed down from the small watch talan and stepped out of the shadows to stand in the middle of the path, and greeted the young lord with a slight bow and a smile. "Greetings, Lord Elrohir. Welcome to the golden wood!"
"Greetings to you as well, Haldir of Lorien." Elrohir replied quietly, with a slight bow--as it must be from horse back. "I thank you for your welcome." There was something comforting in being greeted by a familiar face. He had always liked Haldir though he did not know the elf as well as he would have liked, when they had talked it had been conversations he had enjoyed. Brushing a wind blown strand of hair back behind his ear he slid off of Tel's back.
"The lands between Imladris and Lorien are very dangerous these days, and there are many vile creatures around our borders. It is a miracle you have arrived safe and unharmed, Lord Elrohir. How come you travel alone?" Haldir's voice was concerned, he feared that Elrohir had had an entourage when he set out from Imladris, and that something might have happened to the others. "Where is your brother?"
"It seemed safer to travel alone. There is a better chance of avoiding that which one might not wish to encounter." Elrohir commented quietly, though he had had a few run ins he had been lucky over all to get away with no more then a few scratches. "Elladan stayed within the borders of Imladris this time, there was much to keep him there and he did not wish to accompany, and there were few others who could make the journey and were not otherwise occupied with Father's business." He shrugged slightly running his hand along Tel's flanks.
Haldir noticed the tiredness in Elrohir, and tenderly stroking Tel's muzzle, he nodded towards the watch talan: "Please, Lord Elrohir, come and join us in our talan, and share some food and wine with us. When you have rested, I will accompany you to Caras Galadhorn myself. Due to much orc activities we have to take another route than usual, and it is much longer, I am afraid. We will not arrive until tomorrow afternoon." Haldir made a hand sign, and a rope ladder was thrown down from the talan, then the two other guards silently appeared on the ground. "Latanir will take Tel to our own horses, and tend to him there." The elf guard approached, and stopped next to Haldir.
Though he hesitated for a few seconds, Elrohir patted Tel's flank lightly, "Go on." Elrohir said softly to the horse when he turned to look at him. "You willl be well taken care of." As if he understood -- and perhaps he did --Tel moved forward a couple steps to nudge the guard lightly with his muzzle. "I am in no hurry, tomorrow afternoon will be soon enough for me." He replied to Haldir.
Watching Latanir lead Tel away, Haldir motioned for Elrohir to enter the ladder. Following him up to the talan, Haldir went to the packs by the light wall that sheltered the talan against the wind. Producing a couple of thick furry sheepskins he placed them on the floor by the wall, then he placed a bottle of wine and a plate with bread, butter and ham and a basket of fresh fruit next to it. "Please take a seat, Lord Elrohir. I am afraid we cannot offer much comfort out here, but please accept the best we have to offer." Haldir smiled gently to Elrohir, sensing he seemed to be a bit tense. "Pray, tell me of Imladris and Lord Elrond."
Taking a seat Elrohir smiled slight. "This is better than traveler's fare." He commented simply, pulling the edges of one of the furs up around him, not so much cold but for the heavy comforting feel of it around him. "There is much happening in the world, and dark tidings of many things, much of which I fear I am not able to speak of, at least not in this place." He glanced around accepting a cup of wine and a piece of buttered bread, his stomach reminding him that he had been lax about his eating habits on the trip. Elrohir pushed it to the side. "But what of yourself?" He asked quietly, wishing to distract the conversation from himself.
"Then we can talk of it some other time," Haldir replied lightly, not wanting to push the young elf lord. "But I am afraid I cannot tell you much new about myself. I am, as always, a guardian in these woods, and nothing much happens here, except our skirmishes with the orcs and other vile beasts." He was silent for a moment, the tiniest sigh escaping his lips, then he turned to look out to the trees, where butterflies fluttered about in the bright sunshine. Hesitating, he cast a glance at Elrohir, wondering why he seemed to be as troubled as himself.
Elrohir was quiet for a moment, before looking up to hold Haldir's gaze for a few moments. "Yet still I feel that something troubles you." He replied gently, it was not often that one could hide what they were feeling from him, it was simply a feeling. If he was not paying attention it might go unnoticed due to his own lack of attentiveness, but now there was nothing else to disway him from his thoughts except to focus on Haldir. "You do not have to speak of it though if you do not wish." He took a sip of his wine. "And how has Lothlorien faired with the increased traffic of the foul beasts?"
Haldir liked the young elf lord, and was not unwilling to have a closer, more personal conversation with him at a later stage. There was evidently something troubling Elrohir, and he would probably need to lighten his heart a little. As his brother was not present, he might want to confide in Haldir, and Haldir would not mind forgetting his own troubled state for a while. He cast a quick glance down to the forest floor, where his two fellow guards stood discreetly by the foot of the tree, not disturbing the conversation, but hearing every word that was said. "Perhaps we can talk more about that later in our travel, when we are alone," he said silently, nodding towards the sentries. "My guards will stay here while I escort you, because there are many orc bands raiding around here. We have a hard time training enough guards to fill all watch talans, and more are needed." Haldir motioned towards the fresh fruit: "Would you like an apple, Lord Elrohir? They are very sweet and juicy."
"I can take care of myself if you should wish to stay." Elrohir offered quietly though he hoped that Haldir would not take him up on the offer. In all truth he had had enough of his own company and would not mind that of another, if only to distract him from his own thoughts now and then. "Ne, but thank you." he glanced down at his bread setting the wine aside and taking it up.
"No, I will follow you," Haldir said plainly, "you do not know the new route that must be taken to avoid danger. The orcs are constantly traveling through our woods now, going southwards, and we have to take a long detour to avoid their favoured paths." Noting that Elrohir did not seem overly hungry in spite of his long trip, he added with a concerned look: "Perhaps you are seeking solitude?"
"Ne, not overly." Elrohir replied with a tired little smile. "I have been traveling on my own since I left Imladris. It will be good to have company the rest of the way. But had you wished to stay, I would have continued on my own." He shrugged slightly. "Only so much solitude is a good thing."
"Ai, that is true," Haldir agreed quietly, looking down, lost in thought. He shrugged and turned to Elrohir. "I see that you have finished your meal. Would you like to rest for a while, or would you rather prefer we start on the travel through the forest?"
"It matters not to me." Elrohir answered ignoring the brief silence for now, though it was more obvious than it had been before that there was something bothering Haldir. His reluctance to speak of it now did not go unnoticed either and so the younger son of Elrond waited, biding his time. "If you wish to move now then let us move and perhaps find a place to rest earlier in the evening."
"Then we shall go now." Haldir started bundling some sheepskin together, at the same time taking one of the full food packs. "Please follow me." He climbed down the ladder, exchanged a few words with his fellow sentries, leaving Latanir in charge, then made his way to where the horses were kept, hearing the soft steps of Elrohir behind him. Without speaking, he went to his horse, Nim, and greeted him warmly, nuzzling in his mane and stroking his muzzle and neck tenderly, then fastened the packs and furs to his back.
Elrohir kept his pack on his own back, it was easier that way and the way he always traveled, greeting Tel in his own fashion. Though he had only just recently said goodbye to the horse as well, he was a good companion and friend - Elrohir had had him for many years now and the two of them got along well. Leading him out he waited for Haldir to join him.
Taking the lead, Haldir rode in a moderate trot along the path for a while, then turned away from the path into the wilder forest. The forest was very old here, and the underbrush was thick, making it unlikely for orcs to choose that route, when following the road was much easier. After about an hour the underbrush was so heavy and the branches so low that it was impossible to stay on horse back, so he dismounted and proceeded to walk on foot leading Nim. After a long while the trees suddenly opened up, and they were in a clearing, the sunshine pouring down, and the ground all covered with the lovely elanor flowers, shining like gold. A tiny brook trickled midst the flowers. Haldir turned to Elrohir and smiled widely. "This is one of my favourite spots. Very few know of this place."
"It is beautiful." Elrohir said softly turning in circles as he tried to take it all in at the same time, a hint of wonder on his face. He had been many places in Lothlorien but he could not remember having been here before, it was a new wonder - one he gladly beheld, stowing it away as a happy place in his mind - a bit of light in the recent dark. He could not help but note his companion as well, the way the sunlight seemed attracted to him to practically glow of his hair and skin. "Thank you for sharing it with me..." He whispered.
Haldir released Nim, letting him graze among the flowers, and approached Elrohir. The young elf lord definitely looked troubled, and he could not help but note the sad tone of his voice. Taking on the same caring behaviour as he had used to when Elrohir was a young elfling, following him around, learning to use the bow, he gently placed his hand on his shoulder for a short moment. "Why not let Tel taste the sweet elanor, and enjoy this place for a moment? The little brook here joins the Nimrodel further down, and it has the same healing effects. Come, Lord Elrohir, and sit by the water - let it ease your heart a little."
Elrohir glanced over his shoulder at Tel before shrugging. "Go on." He replied gently patting the horse's nose. "I know you will enjoy the company anyway." Elrohir glanced back at Haldir, looking away after a moment with hint of a sigh. "I think perhaps that I am not the only one troubled." He commented. "But I would like that." He admitted, glancing around again.
"Perhaps you are not," Haldir whispered almost inaudible, turning away, walking over to the brook. He sat down on the grass by the edge, removing his boots and outer tunic, placing his feet in the water and leaning backwards on his elbows, closing his eyes and turning his face to the sun, stretching out like a cat. "Mmmmmmm," he hummed softly, smiling content.
Dropping gracefully into a sitting position next to Haldir, Elrohir slipped off his boots and rolled up his pantlets before slipping his feet in the water. Leaning forward he rested his elbows on his knees staring at the clear, beautiful water. "My brother suggested I come here seeking solace to get away from things that were, that could not be changed...." He said quietly.
Haldir opened his eyes and sat up silently, pleased that Elrohir seemed to want to open up a little. Not wanting to push the other, he casually turned to the side, picking an elanor flower, smelling it and admiring how it seemed to reflect the sunlight. "This place always soothes my heart whenever it feels heavy," he said at last. "Perhaps it may also help bring some peace to yours. Would you like to unburden your heart, entrusting some of your troubles with me?"
Glancing over at him Elrohir laughed softly, tucking a braid back out of his face before reaching up to simply begin undoing them, knowing there was not much hope, having left them in since he had redone them a few days ago. "I do not even know where to start anymore." He said softly, finally not looking over at Haldir. "Much as happened and when in telling it, it seems like so little and yet it is not to me, and I..." He shrugged.
Seeing Elrohir trying to groom his hair, Haldir searched his pocket and silently handed Elrohir his tiny comb, smiling encouraging at him. "What happened to you then?" he asked gingerly. "Has it got something to do with your brother not being here? Did somebody cause you pain?"
Elrohir smiled a thanks, setting it on his knee as he continued to work the braids out of his hair, quiet for the moment. Part of him wanted to tell, tell someone who did not know all involved, who might.... He closed his eyes picking up the comb as he got all the braids out, working it through his hair, undoing all the knots and tangles that had accumulated there. "Elladan did not wish to leave his lover's side." Elrohir admitted softly, though he would not look at Haldir now. "But I can not fault him for that, I would not have wished to leave either, except I was not given the chance, nor the option."
Looking down at the water streaming around his ankles, Haldir pondered his words. It was obvious Elrohir was talking about a lover - a lover that had not let him have a choice.... "You are here," he said slowly, "because somebody did not allow you the choice to decide whether you wanted to stay or leave.... Are you trying to get away from a lover, or are you the one who was left behind?" He lifted his hands to Elrohir's hair, seeing he was struggling with a knot. "Allow me?"
Elrohir hesitated for a few moments before relinquishing the comb and strand of hair to Haldir, with a sigh. "He left without... without even the certainty that he might come, but with the warning that if he did not return then I was to go to another to find out of his death." Elrohir replied quietly, biting his lower lip as he refused to let the tears come that wanted to come even now, at the thought. He could still remember the one night he had shared with Shadow, the short time they had had when they finally found each other, the whispered promise that it would last, that they would always be together, only to wake in the morning and find that... Elrohir closed his eyes trying to put the memories back in their place.
Haldir took the comb and with gentle fingers brushed through the rest of the soft dark hair. It shone in the sunlight and fell like a cascade of silk around Elrohir's shoulders. Seeing the young elf struggling with tears, he felt a wave of tenderness towards him, and stroke his hair soothingly. At the same time, the obvious pain also affected his own state of mind, as he was reminded of his own heartbreak the same morning. Not being able to speak for a moment, he inadvertently continued stroking the soft hair. Finally he found his voice. "That was a cruel thing to say. Perhaps it was not meant that way, but it must still be devastating for you," he whispered.
"Perhaps it was not." Elrohir replied but he did not know for sure, did not know what to say, was not sure he wanted to say anything. "Now I do not know what to think or what to do, whether to hope or to let go." He sighed, "But enough of me, would you care to speak of what troubles you?"
"So you came to Lothlorien to escape the memories of him," Haldir concluded thoughtfully. "Memories hurt... to see the places reminding you of your loved one...." He swallowed, and looked down at his hands, whispering: "I understand - much better than you think, Lord Elrohir."
"I thought that you might." Elrohir commented, turning to take Haldir's hands gently in his own. "I could see it in your eyes... Though he would not come with me it was Elladan's idea that I come here. I... I still wish in part that I had stayed on the hap chance that he might come back that... what if he were to come and find that I were not there?" Elrohir closed his eyes for a moment forcing himself to breathe instead, to push the thoughts away. "Yet he made it sound as if he did not expect to come back." Pulling a leather thong from his pocket he tied his hair back not bothering to braid it, simply pulling it from his face.
"If he does return, your brother will tell him where you are, and he will be waiting for you, or perhaps even come here for you. But why would he not come back.... why did he leave you?" Haldir looked intently at Elrohir, carefully removing one of his hands from Elrohir's grasp, and placing it on top of his hand, returning the gentle pressure.
"He did not say, where it was he went... only that..." Elrohir shook his head he would not say it, turning away from Haldir to look back at the river, though he did not pull his hands away from the elf. "It does not matter."
Haldir nodded slowly. He understood this pain. To loose a loved one - he had lost his loved one this very morning - although he had never had the chance to tell him he loved him... the memories almost overwhelmed him. He had tried to be strong today, to pretend that nothing had happened - but to be reminded of another's pain - similar in nature - hurt almost too much. "You don't need to tell me," he whispered, "I understand."
Against his better nature, the gentle presence that Haldir seemed to offer reminded him much of his brother, putting him a bit more at ease than he might be with any other. Elrohir turned to slip his hands from Haldir's, sliding his arms around the other elf, not sure if it was he who was holding Haldir or the other way around. Nothing else was said for the moment though Elrohir felt as if there was nothing more that needed to be said at least for now.
The simple, undemanding presence of another, sharing the pain and the emotions, was just what Haldir needed. Sighing silently, he closed his eyes and leaned slightly to Elrohir's shoulder, enjoying the comfort of the arms around him. For several moments he bit his lip, not wanting the tremble to give him away, and fought the emotions that threatened to overcome him, making his eyes damp behind his lashes. He was not able to speak, but no words were needed.
Elrohir wanted to ask to know what troubled Haldir, though he knew the nature of it, but he knew too that now was not the time to ask. Instead he let his hand move gently through the guardians blond hair, the way his brother would do with him when he was upset, the other moving in gentle circles on his back. And so for a time the sound of water beside them, the wind in the trees, and their own breathing were the only sounds in the glade, along with the occasional sound of the horses. But it was the cry of a strange bird high in the branches of one of the trees that started Elrohir out of the daze he had settled into. "Haldir?" He whispered softly, not sure if it was a question or only to break the uneasily quiet that seemed to have descended upon the place.
Haldir's eyes darted open, but he needed a moment to become fully aware of his surroundings - Elrohir's silent comfort had felt so soothing it almost made him forget everything else. The sun had moved quite a bit, the shadows were growing and it was suddenly late afternoon - they had been there much longer that he had intended. "It will be dark soon," he said, pulling his feet out of the water, wrinkled and almost numb from the cold, and started pulling his boots on. "We must hurry, lest we will not reach the talan before the light is gone. The underbrush is difficult to move through even in daylight, and with our horses we will not make it in the dark." Hurriedly he put on his outer tunic, and stretched out a hand to Elrohir, to help him get up. "Come."
Retrieving his own boots and putting them back on, taking a moment to finish lacing them up before taking Haldir's hand, letting the elf pull him to his feet. Elrohir did not say anything, calling Tel to him with a quiet whistle, smiling as the horse trotted promptly over with a low whicker. "Then let us be off." he said quietly, glancing at Haldir.
They lead their horses in between the trees again, and were soon almost covered by the thick underbrush. Even with elven nimbleness and elven horses the journey was a cumbersome one. The sun had already set, and it was quite dark when Haldir halted under a large mallyrn in a small clearing in the middle of the shrub, forest thick on all sides, like a wall surrounding them. "We will spend the night in this talan." He pointed up in the mallyrn, throwing a rope up in the lowest branches. "Our horses will be safe in this clearing, there is grass here and a tiny creek." Quickly as a squirrel he climbed up the rope, disappeared through the branches for a moment, and then a rope ladder came tumbling down. Haldir appeared at the forest floor again, loosening the pack and the furs from Nim's back, stroking him and whispering soothingly to him.
Smiling slightly to himself, Elrohir took a moment to take of Tel before shouldering his pack again, using the rope that Haldir had left to climb the tree instead of the later. He enjoyed the feeling of doing something he not done in sometime; climbing was something that should be enjoyed. Elrohir felt as if he had spent far too much time on horse back of late. Making it up into the talan, Elrohir left his things there, climbing back down, he jumped the last bit to the ground, landing in a crouch. "Can I help carry things up?" He asked looking over at Haldir.
"You can carry your own furs," Haldir smiled at him, a hint of mischief in his voice. "My brothers always run off and leave all their packs for me to carry." He handed Elrohir a bundle of furs, taking the other himself, and the pack on his back, before nimbly entering the ladder and disappearing up on the talan.
Elrohir laughed softly. He was used to traveling with Elladan, always they had shared the different chores when setting up camp or getting ready to get underway, it was something that was natural to him. Picking up the pile of furs, Elrohir moved after Haldir back into the branches of the tree.
In a corner of the talan, sheltered by the light braided windscreen, Haldir laid the furs out, making a comfortable bed. Lighting a small, sheltered lantern, he motioned for Elrohir to come and sit next to him, and proceeded to unpack the food, producing a bottle of wine, cups, bread, meat and fruit. "Dinner is served, my Lord!" he said with a smile and a light bow to Elrohir.
A hint of a smile played across his lips as he set his furs down near Haldir's, before sitting down. Elrohir reached up to pull Haldir down beside him, "Dinner for two." He replied with a little grin.
Haldir laughed slightly, and sat down next to him, starting to cut slices of bread for them both, handing one to Elrohir, followed by the meat and a cup of wine. Not waiting for Elrohir, he nipped a sip of wine from his cup and took a deep, relaxed breath, leaning his back to the windscreen and stretching his legs out in front of him.
Pulling one of the furs around his shoulders, Elrohir leaned back against the railing that ran around half of the talan. He nibbled a bit on the slice of bread, setting the wine carefully next to him where he would not be apt to knock it over. Elrohir glanced over at Haldir out of the corner of his eye, feeling a little more uncertain than he had before, though he was not sure why or what it was that had changed between them. He felt closer to the other elf and at the same time more exposed, knowing he could no longer hide behind a smile and a fragile excuse.
For the first time in many days, Haldir felt comfortable. Having company had distracted him somewhat from the dark thoughts that had continuously been eating away at his mind, although they still had almost overwhelmed him while resting in that clearing. The silent comfort Elrohir had offered, the arm around his shoulder, had touched him deeply, and soothed his pain. Elrond's son was a pleasant companion, and Haldir enjoyed his presence more than he would admit.
After a few moments Elrohir slipped off his boots, setting them off to the side near his pack before taking up his seat next to Haldir once more. He desperately wanted to ask and yet the mood seemed to have lightened a little since their last conversation, he loathed to dampen it with that which weighed heavily on both their hearts. Over head he heard the slight rumble of thunder, a sad little smile played across his face as he leaned over to peer up through the branches of the tree towards the dark sky above them.
Haldir glanced up as well, and reached out to his pack, extracting a thin, tightly woven textile impregnated in oil, with strings fastened to the edges. "The rain will start within minutes", he said. "Please give me a hand stretching this over the talan. Our horses will keep dry standing under the tree." He got to his feet, starting to tie the strings to the branches surrounding the talan.
Getting on his feet silently, Elrohir gave Haldir a hand spreading the tarpaulin over the talan, tying it down so that it would not blow away. Bringing their things beneath it before slipping out from under it, Elrohir stood there for a moment. He wanted desperately to climb higher into the tree to watch the storm just before it hit. "I will be back." He said quietly to Haldir, finally pushing the last of his warnings down he moved up into the higher branches of the tree.
Haldir stood watching Elrohir climbing up toward the top of the tree, shaking his head slowly in wonder. // Leave it to a son of Elrond to voluntarily want to stay in the top of a tree during a thunderstorm.// He shrugged, and smiling slightly to himself, he went back under the canvas. Having spent most of his days out in the wilderness, Haldir had endured his share of rainstorms, and was not fascinated by them anymore, although he would admire the large lightnings flashing across the sky. Taking a deep breath he settled under the provisional roof, tidying up the remnants of the food, pouring himself another cup of wine. Taking off his boots and tunics, he settled on the furs, snuggling up against the wall with a fur around his shoulders and others tucked around him, and pulled his knees up towards his chest, burying his toes in the soft wool. Sipping his wine, he wondered if Elrohir would stay outside until he was soaked when it was so nice and dry in here where he was.
When he finally did return, Elrohir was indeed soaked to the skin, but he felt somehow a little bit better at in sense having witnessed and felt the fury of the storm. It often helped him to deal with his own inner turmoil to focus on that of nature. Crawling beneath the tarp he glanced over at Haldir, he wondered if the other elf was sleeping. Moving to his pack he pulled out a clean pair of leggings, slipping out of his wet clothes and quickly slipping into the clean pair of leggings, though he didn't bother with a shirt or boots yet. "Are you asleep Haldir?" He asked softly as he settled down into a sitting position on the blankets near the other elf taking a sip of the wine he had left before.
Haldir had been slightly dozing, drowsy from the wine and the monotonous drumming of the raindrops on the canvas, but awoke when he heard light movements from the branches above, and the soft rustling of the fabric as Elrohir lifted it aside and entered the talan. Too lazy to move, he silently watched the dark-haired elf undress, admiring the ebony white body for a moment before it was covered in dry clothes. When Elrohir softly called him, he slowly sat up, wrapping the fur around his bare back, shivering slightly in the sudden cold after the warmth of his bed, dragging more furs over his legs and chest, making himself comfortable. "I am awake now," he said, smiling a little, drawing the still lit lantern a little closer to the bed. "Did you enjoy getting soaked?"
"Forgive me I did not mean to wake you." Elrohir brushed a damp strand of hair back away from his face. "Aye, I think I did." He chuckled softly blushing a little as he pulled one of the furs up around his bare shoulders. Closing his eyes for a moment listening to the sound of the rain on the tarplin above them, the wind in the branches as it rocked the tree and talan slightly with the force of it. A hint of a smile played across his face though it did not stay there for long. "I always found the storms soothing." Elrohir commented softly turning to fix his gray eyes on Haldir.
"Well, you were not exactly silent when you came back," Haldir retorted dryly, but with a disarming smile, silently amused seeing the other one blush. "Why do you find storms soothing, when they are eruptions of vast amounts of nature's power?"
"Forgive me, I will be more quiet should it happen again." Elrohir said quietly, "Perhaps it is simply being a part of that power witnessing it and in a way feeling it... It helps cleans the soul in a way." He replied softly, thoughtfully, not sure how else to put it.
Haldir looked at Elrohir gently, and leaned over to touch his arm for a moment. "It is all right, I was not quite asleep," he said softly, looking him in the eyes. "I would not sleep anyway until I knew you were safe back inside again. Do you feel better now, when your soul is cleansed?" he added, absentmindedly playing with his pale hair, now falling loosely and unbraided around his head.
"For now perhaps." Elrohir admitted glancing over at him curiously. "Had you wanted me to come in, you had only to say something." He added, "I would have come back in... Perhaps you should go out and see what the storm can do for you." He glanced towards the flap hanging down to keep the wind from blowing any of the excess water onto them.
"No," Haldir said with a shudder, "I do not want to go out in the storm. I have spent almost all my life out in the woods, and I have had my fair share of rain and storms without any shelter while standing watch. This is one of the few occasions when I do not have to stay outside." He sighed softly and added: "Are you still wet and cold? Take one of these extra furs, no need to freeze."
"I'll be fine." He tried to protest but something about Haldir made him want to accept the extra fur just to please him. Taking it, Elrohir smiled slightly scooting closer to Haldir. "Thank you." He said finally with a soft sigh. "Thank you for caring and for listening to me when I know it must have been hard for you to hear me speak of what I spoke..."
"You have a broken heart, and I know how much it hurts. True, it is painful for me to hear you speak of it because it fuels my own memories, but it helps me to care for somebody else than myself. I will be here for you if you need to talk about it," Haldir said silently. "I think that might help to heal both your heart and mine." He carefully adjusted the fur around Elrohir's shoulders, and pulled the extra furs up to better cover his lap and chest.
Reaching out to caress his cheek gently, Elrohir did the same for Haldir. "Talk to me." He prompted gently. "Please." He knew it would be hard for him to hear for the same reason that his own words had been hard for Haldir, but at the same time he knew that Haldir was right. Perhaps together they could help each other, if they were to trust each other it was possible.
Haldir hesitated somewhat, afraid to even start thinking about his pain, but finally he begun, slowly: "I have loved someone for many years, yet always known it could not be. A few nights ago, something happened that made me hope - that perhaps it could be possible - that he might feel love for me after all..." Haldir's voice had fallen to a small whisper; "...but this morning I learned I was wrong... he has a new lover now..." The last words were almost inaudible, and Haldir swallowed hard, staring down on his hands, folded around his bent knees.
Elrohir stayed where he was for a moment before moving closer, pushing back the furs from his shoulders so that he could slip his arms around Haldir. Ignoring the nagging little thoughts of desire that jumped to his mind as he pulled the guardian close. "Is it possible that you misunderstood what you saw?" He asked finally, softly.
Sighing, Haldir closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. The arms around him felt so good, so comforting, and yet - it was a long time since he had felt bare skin against his own. Pushing that thought out of his mind, he silently shook his head. "I have thought of that - in fact I have been able to think of little else this day - but I do not believe so. It is more likely I have imagined the whole thing ... that he never had any interest in me in the first place. I have been so stupid!" The last words came with a resigned groan.
"Perhaps you should go and speak to him, no not of your feelings if you do not wish, but if he does indeed share them... Then perhaps give him a chance to speak to you of them, and if you did indeed not misunderstand what you saw...." Elrohir scooted over to sit behind Haldir, pulled him back against his chest, as he leaned back against the side of the talan pulling the blankets once more up around them. Shivering slightly Elrohir dismissed it as nothing but the chill that had come up with the storm.
"No, I cannot speak to him, not now - perhaps never... he does not know my feelings, and it should stay that way... I have no right to interfere in his happiness. I...I do not want to think about it anymore..." His voice trembled a little, and he felt his eyes sting behind closed lids. Haldir was slightly surprised when Elrohir pulled him back against his chest, but he faintly remembered having seen the twins sit like that when they were smaller, comforting each other. It felt so good, so safe ... Haldir shed his last reservations of being only a guard while the other a lord, and leaned back against the other elf's chest, tilting his head to rest his forehead on Elrohir's chin, biting his lip to hide the emotion that welled up in him. "You are so kind to me," he whispered.
"You were always kind to me." Elrohir answered, arms tightening around him. Besides he understood in a way how the guardian felt, what it was like to love someone and no longer be able to have them. Though he knew it must be worse to know that they were still there, close by, only to think that they loved another after having thought that perhaps there was a chance. He kissed the top of Haldir's head gently. One arm encircling his waist, Elrohir brought his other hand up to brush it through Haldir's hair, soothingly. "It's alright to cry you know... everyone needs to cry sometimes."
Haldir had not wept in the presence of others since he was a child, not even his brothers, always stayed in control, waiting until he was alone. But this pain was so deep - his last shreds of control were slowly bursting, confronted with this gentle tenderness from Elrohir.
Silvery tears escaped from under his dark lashes and trickled down his cheeks. His throat burned, and his lips trembled visibly. Turning sideways in Elrohir's arms, he slid both his arms around the other's back, holding him tight, burying his face deep into the curve between shoulder and neck. His strained breathing turned into half choked sobs as he broke down in Elrohir's arms.
Holding him tightly, Elrohir felt his own tears begging to be let free as well. Though despite his own words to Haldir, he held them back for a while before giving in. Fingers straying through the guardian's hair, arms tight around him, Elrohir pressed his cheek to the top of Haldir's head. Their tears fell like the rain that flowed from the sky onto the earth around them, Elrohir paid no heed to the storm that still roared around them in the night. Lost in his own pain and Haldir's.
Feeling Elrohir's body shaking, hearing his soft sobs, Haldir understood that also the young elf lord was finding relief, and pulled him even closer, stroking the long dark hair. They held each other tight until the rain stopped falling on the canvas, and the forest fell silent. Exhausted, not letting go of Elrohir, Haldir carefully eased them down on the furs, pulling the blankets up around them. Slowly they fell asleep still holding each other tight.
Elrohir smiled slightly to himself as the wood finally came into sight below him. It was almost a sad little smile, as he pulled his horse to a stop with a sigh. He wished that his brother had agreed to come with him when he'd asked him. Though it had been Elladan's idea to take this trip he had declined to come with him. Elrohir knew he wanted to be close to Glorfindel, that he loathed to leave his lover, and sighed. While he understood, that part of him was also jealous, though he would never admit it to Elladan. He loved his brother more than any other, there was a bond between them that no lover could ever replace or take away, and he knew that as surely as he knew that Elladan worried for him and would have come had he pushed it. Pushing his hair back from his face he shook off his thoughts, knowing now was not the time nor the place to simply sit and loose himself.
He had seen too much evidence of orcs and other not so savory creatures of late. Having managed to avoid them so far did not guarantee his continued safety should he let his guard down. Elrohir had traveled the world enough to know this, putting his thoughts from his mind was the best he could do at this time. Thoughts of his brother and his lover of shadow, and all that had transpired only a few short weeks ago in Rivendell, yet they felt almost like an eternity away, so close and yet so far. Still bright in his memory as they would always be, no matter how much time would pass.
Urging Tel forward with his knees, Elrohir rode down towards the waiting forest below wondering who would greet him when he reached the forest's edge. It had been some time since the last time he and Elladan had been here. Though he did not doubt that already they knew of his coming and were waiting for him, but he had nothing to fear from the inhabitants of the forest, more from those around the outside of it. //Well Elladan, I have the reached the forest, will this help? I do not know, part of me wished I had stayed longer, were he to come back and find me gone? What would he think of me then, that I had given up so easily on him... Enough...// Elrohir admonished himself finding it was not so easy to banish his thoughts as it had once been.
Haldir and his two fellow guards had spied the lone rider miles away, and with their bows aimed, they were silently waiting in the shadows. Coming closer, Haldir recognized him as a son of Elrond, and signaled to his men to lower their weapons. This was the first time he had ever seen any of them alone, they had always been together, and silently he wondered what had made them to separate. The twins had often visited their grandparents in Lothlorien, and Haldir knew them fairly well without being a close friend, they were always nice to him and liked to talk with him, and when they were smaller he had given them archery lessons. Still he had to wait until the lone elf had almost reached the forest edge before he was able to tell which one this was.
He climbed down from the small watch talan and stepped out of the shadows to stand in the middle of the path, and greeted the young lord with a slight bow and a smile. "Greetings, Lord Elrohir. Welcome to the golden wood!"
"Greetings to you as well, Haldir of Lorien." Elrohir replied quietly, with a slight bow--as it must be from horse back. "I thank you for your welcome." There was something comforting in being greeted by a familiar face. He had always liked Haldir though he did not know the elf as well as he would have liked, when they had talked it had been conversations he had enjoyed. Brushing a wind blown strand of hair back behind his ear he slid off of Tel's back.
"The lands between Imladris and Lorien are very dangerous these days, and there are many vile creatures around our borders. It is a miracle you have arrived safe and unharmed, Lord Elrohir. How come you travel alone?" Haldir's voice was concerned, he feared that Elrohir had had an entourage when he set out from Imladris, and that something might have happened to the others. "Where is your brother?"
"It seemed safer to travel alone. There is a better chance of avoiding that which one might not wish to encounter." Elrohir commented quietly, though he had had a few run ins he had been lucky over all to get away with no more then a few scratches. "Elladan stayed within the borders of Imladris this time, there was much to keep him there and he did not wish to accompany, and there were few others who could make the journey and were not otherwise occupied with Father's business." He shrugged slightly running his hand along Tel's flanks.
Haldir noticed the tiredness in Elrohir, and tenderly stroking Tel's muzzle, he nodded towards the watch talan: "Please, Lord Elrohir, come and join us in our talan, and share some food and wine with us. When you have rested, I will accompany you to Caras Galadhorn myself. Due to much orc activities we have to take another route than usual, and it is much longer, I am afraid. We will not arrive until tomorrow afternoon." Haldir made a hand sign, and a rope ladder was thrown down from the talan, then the two other guards silently appeared on the ground. "Latanir will take Tel to our own horses, and tend to him there." The elf guard approached, and stopped next to Haldir.
Though he hesitated for a few seconds, Elrohir patted Tel's flank lightly, "Go on." Elrohir said softly to the horse when he turned to look at him. "You willl be well taken care of." As if he understood -- and perhaps he did --Tel moved forward a couple steps to nudge the guard lightly with his muzzle. "I am in no hurry, tomorrow afternoon will be soon enough for me." He replied to Haldir.
Watching Latanir lead Tel away, Haldir motioned for Elrohir to enter the ladder. Following him up to the talan, Haldir went to the packs by the light wall that sheltered the talan against the wind. Producing a couple of thick furry sheepskins he placed them on the floor by the wall, then he placed a bottle of wine and a plate with bread, butter and ham and a basket of fresh fruit next to it. "Please take a seat, Lord Elrohir. I am afraid we cannot offer much comfort out here, but please accept the best we have to offer." Haldir smiled gently to Elrohir, sensing he seemed to be a bit tense. "Pray, tell me of Imladris and Lord Elrond."
Taking a seat Elrohir smiled slight. "This is better than traveler's fare." He commented simply, pulling the edges of one of the furs up around him, not so much cold but for the heavy comforting feel of it around him. "There is much happening in the world, and dark tidings of many things, much of which I fear I am not able to speak of, at least not in this place." He glanced around accepting a cup of wine and a piece of buttered bread, his stomach reminding him that he had been lax about his eating habits on the trip. Elrohir pushed it to the side. "But what of yourself?" He asked quietly, wishing to distract the conversation from himself.
"Then we can talk of it some other time," Haldir replied lightly, not wanting to push the young elf lord. "But I am afraid I cannot tell you much new about myself. I am, as always, a guardian in these woods, and nothing much happens here, except our skirmishes with the orcs and other vile beasts." He was silent for a moment, the tiniest sigh escaping his lips, then he turned to look out to the trees, where butterflies fluttered about in the bright sunshine. Hesitating, he cast a glance at Elrohir, wondering why he seemed to be as troubled as himself.
Elrohir was quiet for a moment, before looking up to hold Haldir's gaze for a few moments. "Yet still I feel that something troubles you." He replied gently, it was not often that one could hide what they were feeling from him, it was simply a feeling. If he was not paying attention it might go unnoticed due to his own lack of attentiveness, but now there was nothing else to disway him from his thoughts except to focus on Haldir. "You do not have to speak of it though if you do not wish." He took a sip of his wine. "And how has Lothlorien faired with the increased traffic of the foul beasts?"
Haldir liked the young elf lord, and was not unwilling to have a closer, more personal conversation with him at a later stage. There was evidently something troubling Elrohir, and he would probably need to lighten his heart a little. As his brother was not present, he might want to confide in Haldir, and Haldir would not mind forgetting his own troubled state for a while. He cast a quick glance down to the forest floor, where his two fellow guards stood discreetly by the foot of the tree, not disturbing the conversation, but hearing every word that was said. "Perhaps we can talk more about that later in our travel, when we are alone," he said silently, nodding towards the sentries. "My guards will stay here while I escort you, because there are many orc bands raiding around here. We have a hard time training enough guards to fill all watch talans, and more are needed." Haldir motioned towards the fresh fruit: "Would you like an apple, Lord Elrohir? They are very sweet and juicy."
"I can take care of myself if you should wish to stay." Elrohir offered quietly though he hoped that Haldir would not take him up on the offer. In all truth he had had enough of his own company and would not mind that of another, if only to distract him from his own thoughts now and then. "Ne, but thank you." he glanced down at his bread setting the wine aside and taking it up.
"No, I will follow you," Haldir said plainly, "you do not know the new route that must be taken to avoid danger. The orcs are constantly traveling through our woods now, going southwards, and we have to take a long detour to avoid their favoured paths." Noting that Elrohir did not seem overly hungry in spite of his long trip, he added with a concerned look: "Perhaps you are seeking solitude?"
"Ne, not overly." Elrohir replied with a tired little smile. "I have been traveling on my own since I left Imladris. It will be good to have company the rest of the way. But had you wished to stay, I would have continued on my own." He shrugged slightly. "Only so much solitude is a good thing."
"Ai, that is true," Haldir agreed quietly, looking down, lost in thought. He shrugged and turned to Elrohir. "I see that you have finished your meal. Would you like to rest for a while, or would you rather prefer we start on the travel through the forest?"
"It matters not to me." Elrohir answered ignoring the brief silence for now, though it was more obvious than it had been before that there was something bothering Haldir. His reluctance to speak of it now did not go unnoticed either and so the younger son of Elrond waited, biding his time. "If you wish to move now then let us move and perhaps find a place to rest earlier in the evening."
"Then we shall go now." Haldir started bundling some sheepskin together, at the same time taking one of the full food packs. "Please follow me." He climbed down the ladder, exchanged a few words with his fellow sentries, leaving Latanir in charge, then made his way to where the horses were kept, hearing the soft steps of Elrohir behind him. Without speaking, he went to his horse, Nim, and greeted him warmly, nuzzling in his mane and stroking his muzzle and neck tenderly, then fastened the packs and furs to his back.
Elrohir kept his pack on his own back, it was easier that way and the way he always traveled, greeting Tel in his own fashion. Though he had only just recently said goodbye to the horse as well, he was a good companion and friend - Elrohir had had him for many years now and the two of them got along well. Leading him out he waited for Haldir to join him.
Taking the lead, Haldir rode in a moderate trot along the path for a while, then turned away from the path into the wilder forest. The forest was very old here, and the underbrush was thick, making it unlikely for orcs to choose that route, when following the road was much easier. After about an hour the underbrush was so heavy and the branches so low that it was impossible to stay on horse back, so he dismounted and proceeded to walk on foot leading Nim. After a long while the trees suddenly opened up, and they were in a clearing, the sunshine pouring down, and the ground all covered with the lovely elanor flowers, shining like gold. A tiny brook trickled midst the flowers. Haldir turned to Elrohir and smiled widely. "This is one of my favourite spots. Very few know of this place."
"It is beautiful." Elrohir said softly turning in circles as he tried to take it all in at the same time, a hint of wonder on his face. He had been many places in Lothlorien but he could not remember having been here before, it was a new wonder - one he gladly beheld, stowing it away as a happy place in his mind - a bit of light in the recent dark. He could not help but note his companion as well, the way the sunlight seemed attracted to him to practically glow of his hair and skin. "Thank you for sharing it with me..." He whispered.
Haldir released Nim, letting him graze among the flowers, and approached Elrohir. The young elf lord definitely looked troubled, and he could not help but note the sad tone of his voice. Taking on the same caring behaviour as he had used to when Elrohir was a young elfling, following him around, learning to use the bow, he gently placed his hand on his shoulder for a short moment. "Why not let Tel taste the sweet elanor, and enjoy this place for a moment? The little brook here joins the Nimrodel further down, and it has the same healing effects. Come, Lord Elrohir, and sit by the water - let it ease your heart a little."
Elrohir glanced over his shoulder at Tel before shrugging. "Go on." He replied gently patting the horse's nose. "I know you will enjoy the company anyway." Elrohir glanced back at Haldir, looking away after a moment with hint of a sigh. "I think perhaps that I am not the only one troubled." He commented. "But I would like that." He admitted, glancing around again.
"Perhaps you are not," Haldir whispered almost inaudible, turning away, walking over to the brook. He sat down on the grass by the edge, removing his boots and outer tunic, placing his feet in the water and leaning backwards on his elbows, closing his eyes and turning his face to the sun, stretching out like a cat. "Mmmmmmm," he hummed softly, smiling content.
Dropping gracefully into a sitting position next to Haldir, Elrohir slipped off his boots and rolled up his pantlets before slipping his feet in the water. Leaning forward he rested his elbows on his knees staring at the clear, beautiful water. "My brother suggested I come here seeking solace to get away from things that were, that could not be changed...." He said quietly.
Haldir opened his eyes and sat up silently, pleased that Elrohir seemed to want to open up a little. Not wanting to push the other, he casually turned to the side, picking an elanor flower, smelling it and admiring how it seemed to reflect the sunlight. "This place always soothes my heart whenever it feels heavy," he said at last. "Perhaps it may also help bring some peace to yours. Would you like to unburden your heart, entrusting some of your troubles with me?"
Glancing over at him Elrohir laughed softly, tucking a braid back out of his face before reaching up to simply begin undoing them, knowing there was not much hope, having left them in since he had redone them a few days ago. "I do not even know where to start anymore." He said softly, finally not looking over at Haldir. "Much as happened and when in telling it, it seems like so little and yet it is not to me, and I..." He shrugged.
Seeing Elrohir trying to groom his hair, Haldir searched his pocket and silently handed Elrohir his tiny comb, smiling encouraging at him. "What happened to you then?" he asked gingerly. "Has it got something to do with your brother not being here? Did somebody cause you pain?"
Elrohir smiled a thanks, setting it on his knee as he continued to work the braids out of his hair, quiet for the moment. Part of him wanted to tell, tell someone who did not know all involved, who might.... He closed his eyes picking up the comb as he got all the braids out, working it through his hair, undoing all the knots and tangles that had accumulated there. "Elladan did not wish to leave his lover's side." Elrohir admitted softly, though he would not look at Haldir now. "But I can not fault him for that, I would not have wished to leave either, except I was not given the chance, nor the option."
Looking down at the water streaming around his ankles, Haldir pondered his words. It was obvious Elrohir was talking about a lover - a lover that had not let him have a choice.... "You are here," he said slowly, "because somebody did not allow you the choice to decide whether you wanted to stay or leave.... Are you trying to get away from a lover, or are you the one who was left behind?" He lifted his hands to Elrohir's hair, seeing he was struggling with a knot. "Allow me?"
Elrohir hesitated for a few moments before relinquishing the comb and strand of hair to Haldir, with a sigh. "He left without... without even the certainty that he might come, but with the warning that if he did not return then I was to go to another to find out of his death." Elrohir replied quietly, biting his lower lip as he refused to let the tears come that wanted to come even now, at the thought. He could still remember the one night he had shared with Shadow, the short time they had had when they finally found each other, the whispered promise that it would last, that they would always be together, only to wake in the morning and find that... Elrohir closed his eyes trying to put the memories back in their place.
Haldir took the comb and with gentle fingers brushed through the rest of the soft dark hair. It shone in the sunlight and fell like a cascade of silk around Elrohir's shoulders. Seeing the young elf struggling with tears, he felt a wave of tenderness towards him, and stroke his hair soothingly. At the same time, the obvious pain also affected his own state of mind, as he was reminded of his own heartbreak the same morning. Not being able to speak for a moment, he inadvertently continued stroking the soft hair. Finally he found his voice. "That was a cruel thing to say. Perhaps it was not meant that way, but it must still be devastating for you," he whispered.
"Perhaps it was not." Elrohir replied but he did not know for sure, did not know what to say, was not sure he wanted to say anything. "Now I do not know what to think or what to do, whether to hope or to let go." He sighed, "But enough of me, would you care to speak of what troubles you?"
"So you came to Lothlorien to escape the memories of him," Haldir concluded thoughtfully. "Memories hurt... to see the places reminding you of your loved one...." He swallowed, and looked down at his hands, whispering: "I understand - much better than you think, Lord Elrohir."
"I thought that you might." Elrohir commented, turning to take Haldir's hands gently in his own. "I could see it in your eyes... Though he would not come with me it was Elladan's idea that I come here. I... I still wish in part that I had stayed on the hap chance that he might come back that... what if he were to come and find that I were not there?" Elrohir closed his eyes for a moment forcing himself to breathe instead, to push the thoughts away. "Yet he made it sound as if he did not expect to come back." Pulling a leather thong from his pocket he tied his hair back not bothering to braid it, simply pulling it from his face.
"If he does return, your brother will tell him where you are, and he will be waiting for you, or perhaps even come here for you. But why would he not come back.... why did he leave you?" Haldir looked intently at Elrohir, carefully removing one of his hands from Elrohir's grasp, and placing it on top of his hand, returning the gentle pressure.
"He did not say, where it was he went... only that..." Elrohir shook his head he would not say it, turning away from Haldir to look back at the river, though he did not pull his hands away from the elf. "It does not matter."
Haldir nodded slowly. He understood this pain. To loose a loved one - he had lost his loved one this very morning - although he had never had the chance to tell him he loved him... the memories almost overwhelmed him. He had tried to be strong today, to pretend that nothing had happened - but to be reminded of another's pain - similar in nature - hurt almost too much. "You don't need to tell me," he whispered, "I understand."
Against his better nature, the gentle presence that Haldir seemed to offer reminded him much of his brother, putting him a bit more at ease than he might be with any other. Elrohir turned to slip his hands from Haldir's, sliding his arms around the other elf, not sure if it was he who was holding Haldir or the other way around. Nothing else was said for the moment though Elrohir felt as if there was nothing more that needed to be said at least for now.
The simple, undemanding presence of another, sharing the pain and the emotions, was just what Haldir needed. Sighing silently, he closed his eyes and leaned slightly to Elrohir's shoulder, enjoying the comfort of the arms around him. For several moments he bit his lip, not wanting the tremble to give him away, and fought the emotions that threatened to overcome him, making his eyes damp behind his lashes. He was not able to speak, but no words were needed.
Elrohir wanted to ask to know what troubled Haldir, though he knew the nature of it, but he knew too that now was not the time to ask. Instead he let his hand move gently through the guardians blond hair, the way his brother would do with him when he was upset, the other moving in gentle circles on his back. And so for a time the sound of water beside them, the wind in the trees, and their own breathing were the only sounds in the glade, along with the occasional sound of the horses. But it was the cry of a strange bird high in the branches of one of the trees that started Elrohir out of the daze he had settled into. "Haldir?" He whispered softly, not sure if it was a question or only to break the uneasily quiet that seemed to have descended upon the place.
Haldir's eyes darted open, but he needed a moment to become fully aware of his surroundings - Elrohir's silent comfort had felt so soothing it almost made him forget everything else. The sun had moved quite a bit, the shadows were growing and it was suddenly late afternoon - they had been there much longer that he had intended. "It will be dark soon," he said, pulling his feet out of the water, wrinkled and almost numb from the cold, and started pulling his boots on. "We must hurry, lest we will not reach the talan before the light is gone. The underbrush is difficult to move through even in daylight, and with our horses we will not make it in the dark." Hurriedly he put on his outer tunic, and stretched out a hand to Elrohir, to help him get up. "Come."
Retrieving his own boots and putting them back on, taking a moment to finish lacing them up before taking Haldir's hand, letting the elf pull him to his feet. Elrohir did not say anything, calling Tel to him with a quiet whistle, smiling as the horse trotted promptly over with a low whicker. "Then let us be off." he said quietly, glancing at Haldir.
They lead their horses in between the trees again, and were soon almost covered by the thick underbrush. Even with elven nimbleness and elven horses the journey was a cumbersome one. The sun had already set, and it was quite dark when Haldir halted under a large mallyrn in a small clearing in the middle of the shrub, forest thick on all sides, like a wall surrounding them. "We will spend the night in this talan." He pointed up in the mallyrn, throwing a rope up in the lowest branches. "Our horses will be safe in this clearing, there is grass here and a tiny creek." Quickly as a squirrel he climbed up the rope, disappeared through the branches for a moment, and then a rope ladder came tumbling down. Haldir appeared at the forest floor again, loosening the pack and the furs from Nim's back, stroking him and whispering soothingly to him.
Smiling slightly to himself, Elrohir took a moment to take of Tel before shouldering his pack again, using the rope that Haldir had left to climb the tree instead of the later. He enjoyed the feeling of doing something he not done in sometime; climbing was something that should be enjoyed. Elrohir felt as if he had spent far too much time on horse back of late. Making it up into the talan, Elrohir left his things there, climbing back down, he jumped the last bit to the ground, landing in a crouch. "Can I help carry things up?" He asked looking over at Haldir.
"You can carry your own furs," Haldir smiled at him, a hint of mischief in his voice. "My brothers always run off and leave all their packs for me to carry." He handed Elrohir a bundle of furs, taking the other himself, and the pack on his back, before nimbly entering the ladder and disappearing up on the talan.
Elrohir laughed softly. He was used to traveling with Elladan, always they had shared the different chores when setting up camp or getting ready to get underway, it was something that was natural to him. Picking up the pile of furs, Elrohir moved after Haldir back into the branches of the tree.
In a corner of the talan, sheltered by the light braided windscreen, Haldir laid the furs out, making a comfortable bed. Lighting a small, sheltered lantern, he motioned for Elrohir to come and sit next to him, and proceeded to unpack the food, producing a bottle of wine, cups, bread, meat and fruit. "Dinner is served, my Lord!" he said with a smile and a light bow to Elrohir.
A hint of a smile played across his lips as he set his furs down near Haldir's, before sitting down. Elrohir reached up to pull Haldir down beside him, "Dinner for two." He replied with a little grin.
Haldir laughed slightly, and sat down next to him, starting to cut slices of bread for them both, handing one to Elrohir, followed by the meat and a cup of wine. Not waiting for Elrohir, he nipped a sip of wine from his cup and took a deep, relaxed breath, leaning his back to the windscreen and stretching his legs out in front of him.
Pulling one of the furs around his shoulders, Elrohir leaned back against the railing that ran around half of the talan. He nibbled a bit on the slice of bread, setting the wine carefully next to him where he would not be apt to knock it over. Elrohir glanced over at Haldir out of the corner of his eye, feeling a little more uncertain than he had before, though he was not sure why or what it was that had changed between them. He felt closer to the other elf and at the same time more exposed, knowing he could no longer hide behind a smile and a fragile excuse.
For the first time in many days, Haldir felt comfortable. Having company had distracted him somewhat from the dark thoughts that had continuously been eating away at his mind, although they still had almost overwhelmed him while resting in that clearing. The silent comfort Elrohir had offered, the arm around his shoulder, had touched him deeply, and soothed his pain. Elrond's son was a pleasant companion, and Haldir enjoyed his presence more than he would admit.
After a few moments Elrohir slipped off his boots, setting them off to the side near his pack before taking up his seat next to Haldir once more. He desperately wanted to ask and yet the mood seemed to have lightened a little since their last conversation, he loathed to dampen it with that which weighed heavily on both their hearts. Over head he heard the slight rumble of thunder, a sad little smile played across his face as he leaned over to peer up through the branches of the tree towards the dark sky above them.
Haldir glanced up as well, and reached out to his pack, extracting a thin, tightly woven textile impregnated in oil, with strings fastened to the edges. "The rain will start within minutes", he said. "Please give me a hand stretching this over the talan. Our horses will keep dry standing under the tree." He got to his feet, starting to tie the strings to the branches surrounding the talan.
Getting on his feet silently, Elrohir gave Haldir a hand spreading the tarpaulin over the talan, tying it down so that it would not blow away. Bringing their things beneath it before slipping out from under it, Elrohir stood there for a moment. He wanted desperately to climb higher into the tree to watch the storm just before it hit. "I will be back." He said quietly to Haldir, finally pushing the last of his warnings down he moved up into the higher branches of the tree.
Haldir stood watching Elrohir climbing up toward the top of the tree, shaking his head slowly in wonder. // Leave it to a son of Elrond to voluntarily want to stay in the top of a tree during a thunderstorm.// He shrugged, and smiling slightly to himself, he went back under the canvas. Having spent most of his days out in the wilderness, Haldir had endured his share of rainstorms, and was not fascinated by them anymore, although he would admire the large lightnings flashing across the sky. Taking a deep breath he settled under the provisional roof, tidying up the remnants of the food, pouring himself another cup of wine. Taking off his boots and tunics, he settled on the furs, snuggling up against the wall with a fur around his shoulders and others tucked around him, and pulled his knees up towards his chest, burying his toes in the soft wool. Sipping his wine, he wondered if Elrohir would stay outside until he was soaked when it was so nice and dry in here where he was.
When he finally did return, Elrohir was indeed soaked to the skin, but he felt somehow a little bit better at in sense having witnessed and felt the fury of the storm. It often helped him to deal with his own inner turmoil to focus on that of nature. Crawling beneath the tarp he glanced over at Haldir, he wondered if the other elf was sleeping. Moving to his pack he pulled out a clean pair of leggings, slipping out of his wet clothes and quickly slipping into the clean pair of leggings, though he didn't bother with a shirt or boots yet. "Are you asleep Haldir?" He asked softly as he settled down into a sitting position on the blankets near the other elf taking a sip of the wine he had left before.
Haldir had been slightly dozing, drowsy from the wine and the monotonous drumming of the raindrops on the canvas, but awoke when he heard light movements from the branches above, and the soft rustling of the fabric as Elrohir lifted it aside and entered the talan. Too lazy to move, he silently watched the dark-haired elf undress, admiring the ebony white body for a moment before it was covered in dry clothes. When Elrohir softly called him, he slowly sat up, wrapping the fur around his bare back, shivering slightly in the sudden cold after the warmth of his bed, dragging more furs over his legs and chest, making himself comfortable. "I am awake now," he said, smiling a little, drawing the still lit lantern a little closer to the bed. "Did you enjoy getting soaked?"
"Forgive me I did not mean to wake you." Elrohir brushed a damp strand of hair back away from his face. "Aye, I think I did." He chuckled softly blushing a little as he pulled one of the furs up around his bare shoulders. Closing his eyes for a moment listening to the sound of the rain on the tarplin above them, the wind in the branches as it rocked the tree and talan slightly with the force of it. A hint of a smile played across his face though it did not stay there for long. "I always found the storms soothing." Elrohir commented softly turning to fix his gray eyes on Haldir.
"Well, you were not exactly silent when you came back," Haldir retorted dryly, but with a disarming smile, silently amused seeing the other one blush. "Why do you find storms soothing, when they are eruptions of vast amounts of nature's power?"
"Forgive me, I will be more quiet should it happen again." Elrohir said quietly, "Perhaps it is simply being a part of that power witnessing it and in a way feeling it... It helps cleans the soul in a way." He replied softly, thoughtfully, not sure how else to put it.
Haldir looked at Elrohir gently, and leaned over to touch his arm for a moment. "It is all right, I was not quite asleep," he said softly, looking him in the eyes. "I would not sleep anyway until I knew you were safe back inside again. Do you feel better now, when your soul is cleansed?" he added, absentmindedly playing with his pale hair, now falling loosely and unbraided around his head.
"For now perhaps." Elrohir admitted glancing over at him curiously. "Had you wanted me to come in, you had only to say something." He added, "I would have come back in... Perhaps you should go out and see what the storm can do for you." He glanced towards the flap hanging down to keep the wind from blowing any of the excess water onto them.
"No," Haldir said with a shudder, "I do not want to go out in the storm. I have spent almost all my life out in the woods, and I have had my fair share of rain and storms without any shelter while standing watch. This is one of the few occasions when I do not have to stay outside." He sighed softly and added: "Are you still wet and cold? Take one of these extra furs, no need to freeze."
"I'll be fine." He tried to protest but something about Haldir made him want to accept the extra fur just to please him. Taking it, Elrohir smiled slightly scooting closer to Haldir. "Thank you." He said finally with a soft sigh. "Thank you for caring and for listening to me when I know it must have been hard for you to hear me speak of what I spoke..."
"You have a broken heart, and I know how much it hurts. True, it is painful for me to hear you speak of it because it fuels my own memories, but it helps me to care for somebody else than myself. I will be here for you if you need to talk about it," Haldir said silently. "I think that might help to heal both your heart and mine." He carefully adjusted the fur around Elrohir's shoulders, and pulled the extra furs up to better cover his lap and chest.
Reaching out to caress his cheek gently, Elrohir did the same for Haldir. "Talk to me." He prompted gently. "Please." He knew it would be hard for him to hear for the same reason that his own words had been hard for Haldir, but at the same time he knew that Haldir was right. Perhaps together they could help each other, if they were to trust each other it was possible.
Haldir hesitated somewhat, afraid to even start thinking about his pain, but finally he begun, slowly: "I have loved someone for many years, yet always known it could not be. A few nights ago, something happened that made me hope - that perhaps it could be possible - that he might feel love for me after all..." Haldir's voice had fallen to a small whisper; "...but this morning I learned I was wrong... he has a new lover now..." The last words were almost inaudible, and Haldir swallowed hard, staring down on his hands, folded around his bent knees.
Elrohir stayed where he was for a moment before moving closer, pushing back the furs from his shoulders so that he could slip his arms around Haldir. Ignoring the nagging little thoughts of desire that jumped to his mind as he pulled the guardian close. "Is it possible that you misunderstood what you saw?" He asked finally, softly.
Sighing, Haldir closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. The arms around him felt so good, so comforting, and yet - it was a long time since he had felt bare skin against his own. Pushing that thought out of his mind, he silently shook his head. "I have thought of that - in fact I have been able to think of little else this day - but I do not believe so. It is more likely I have imagined the whole thing ... that he never had any interest in me in the first place. I have been so stupid!" The last words came with a resigned groan.
"Perhaps you should go and speak to him, no not of your feelings if you do not wish, but if he does indeed share them... Then perhaps give him a chance to speak to you of them, and if you did indeed not misunderstand what you saw...." Elrohir scooted over to sit behind Haldir, pulled him back against his chest, as he leaned back against the side of the talan pulling the blankets once more up around them. Shivering slightly Elrohir dismissed it as nothing but the chill that had come up with the storm.
"No, I cannot speak to him, not now - perhaps never... he does not know my feelings, and it should stay that way... I have no right to interfere in his happiness. I...I do not want to think about it anymore..." His voice trembled a little, and he felt his eyes sting behind closed lids. Haldir was slightly surprised when Elrohir pulled him back against his chest, but he faintly remembered having seen the twins sit like that when they were smaller, comforting each other. It felt so good, so safe ... Haldir shed his last reservations of being only a guard while the other a lord, and leaned back against the other elf's chest, tilting his head to rest his forehead on Elrohir's chin, biting his lip to hide the emotion that welled up in him. "You are so kind to me," he whispered.
"You were always kind to me." Elrohir answered, arms tightening around him. Besides he understood in a way how the guardian felt, what it was like to love someone and no longer be able to have them. Though he knew it must be worse to know that they were still there, close by, only to think that they loved another after having thought that perhaps there was a chance. He kissed the top of Haldir's head gently. One arm encircling his waist, Elrohir brought his other hand up to brush it through Haldir's hair, soothingly. "It's alright to cry you know... everyone needs to cry sometimes."
Haldir had not wept in the presence of others since he was a child, not even his brothers, always stayed in control, waiting until he was alone. But this pain was so deep - his last shreds of control were slowly bursting, confronted with this gentle tenderness from Elrohir.
Silvery tears escaped from under his dark lashes and trickled down his cheeks. His throat burned, and his lips trembled visibly. Turning sideways in Elrohir's arms, he slid both his arms around the other's back, holding him tight, burying his face deep into the curve between shoulder and neck. His strained breathing turned into half choked sobs as he broke down in Elrohir's arms.
Holding him tightly, Elrohir felt his own tears begging to be let free as well. Though despite his own words to Haldir, he held them back for a while before giving in. Fingers straying through the guardian's hair, arms tight around him, Elrohir pressed his cheek to the top of Haldir's head. Their tears fell like the rain that flowed from the sky onto the earth around them, Elrohir paid no heed to the storm that still roared around them in the night. Lost in his own pain and Haldir's.
Feeling Elrohir's body shaking, hearing his soft sobs, Haldir understood that also the young elf lord was finding relief, and pulled him even closer, stroking the long dark hair. They held each other tight until the rain stopped falling on the canvas, and the forest fell silent. Exhausted, not letting go of Elrohir, Haldir carefully eased them down on the furs, pulling the blankets up around them. Slowly they fell asleep still holding each other tight.
