Part 4 - After the storm -
(This chapter had originally contained stricktly adult situations, and has been cencored and mutilated to be posted on ff.net. The cuts are visible in the middle. For the original adult chapter, see Authors Notes in Default Chapter.)
The sunrays flickering through the leaves above, penetrated the cracks in the canvas and tickled Haldir's nose. Slowly he opened his eyes a little, only to look into the sleeping face of another a mere inch away, snuggled closely into his arms, holding him tight. Closing his eyes again, still not quite awake, he lay for a moment, feeling the soft breath on his face and warm skin tight against his own bare chest. Relishing the feeling of another body so close to him, he snuggled closer, not wanting to wake up.
Elrohir did not want to wake. His dreams had taken him back to before he had woken up, before the letter - before Shadow had left him. For a while the night forgotten, the rain having cleaned it though the pain in the soul would still remain. He snuggled closer to Haldir with a soft sigh trying to cling to sleep.
Haldir's pleasant dreams had centered around Celeborn as always, and in his still dreamy state, feeling arms pulling him close, lips almost touching - he unconsciously pressed against the other, nipping at the soft lips, not opening his eyes.
"Shadow..." Elrohir murmured the name softly not even realizing it was not his lover in his arms nor remembering that he was no longer even in Imladris. He caught the gentle lips so near his own in a deep passionate kiss.
Already slightly aroused due to his dream, Haldir responded just as passionately to the deep kiss, letting the other's tongue explore his mouth. //Oh, my love Celeborn//
Elrohir groaned softly into the kiss, keeping the kiss going for a while longer, eyes still glazed with sleep, though wakefulness was slowly coming over him. At last he pulled away sighing softly, hand coming up to cares a soft cheek, his eyes coming up as it slipped back into long hair instead of short locks. "Haldir?" He whispered softly, slowly closing his eyes fighting back the disappointment that threatened to overload the temporary sense of balance he had found.
Hearing his name, Haldir slowly realized this was not Celeborn's voice. Opening his eyes, he found himself looking into Elrohir's grey eyes. Uncomprehending, utterly confused, he let go of the other, slowly untangling his legs and arms. Amidst the bewilderment and disappointment, he realized Elrohir looked sad, and gingerly he stroke the hair away from the other's face, shaking his head slowly, blushing embarrassed, not knowing what to say or do.
"I am sorry, Haldir." Elrohir said softly, looking away from Haldir. "Forgive me, I should not have done that." He pulled away a little staring towards the sunlight that filtered through the forest outside just visible beneath the edge of the tarp. He had wished it had been Shadow, had thought it was - to find Haldir there had made him feel sad and foolish at the same time.
Haldir shook his head again. "Do not apologize. I am the one to blame. I dreamt of my love, and half asleep I confused him with you. I am sorry, I should not have done this." Still confused he looked at Elrohir. "Did I make you sad? I am so sorry."
Elrohir glanced back at him, "It was not your fault, I do believe I was the one who kissed you first." He said quietly, reaching up to touch Haldir's cheek softly. "I too had a dream." He admitted, "It was not you who made me remember, but myself."
"Then we are both equally miserable," Haldir said, silently. "I can see that you are sad and disappointed I was not the one you dreamt of. I felt the same way. Now I suppose we will become as unhappy as we were last night." Remembering what had transpired during the night, he closed his eyes a little, lifting a hand to close it around Elrohir's, keeping it there.
Turning his hand to tightening it around Haldir's, Elrohir turned to face him fully once more. "Then perhaps we should not think of that which plagues us but something else." He commented softly, "There is no forgetting, but for a time one can choose not to remember."
"I want to stop remembering," Haldir whispered, "but I do not know how." He looked at Elrohir with eyes dark from sadness, and slowly turned his head to let his lips graze Elrohir's fingertips resting on his cheek.
He almost could not stand to see his own feelings mirrored in Haldir's eyes - it was more an impulse that took over as Elrohir moved closer once more to catch Haldir's lips with his own, this time on purpose. "Then close your eyes, and imagine that it is he with you instead of I." He whispered breaking the kiss after a moment, body pressing closer to Haldir's again.
Looking deep into Elrohir's eyes, Haldir understood what he meant. The kiss reminded him again of the happiness he had felt in his dreamy state, making him want to return there. He could tell Elrohir having the same need. Gently he brought his lips to Elrohir's, brushing them, before capturing them in a long kiss, wrapping his arms around him.
Letting his eyes slide almost all the way closed Elrohir could almost do as he had said - imagine that it was not Haldir. Yet it felt almost wrong to do so.
Seeing Elrohir's response to his kiss, made Haldir remember the passionate embrace they had shared in their dream. It had been so long since he had shared his body with another, pining after Celeborn. The combination of the dream, his state of mind, the warm touches of skin on his body and the eager state of the other, made his body yearn for contact, and he sought Elrohir's lips again.
The light touches of Elrohir's fingers tingled along his skin, and made his pulse go faster. In a fleeting moment Haldir remembered similar touches and feelings just a few nights before, and that almost made him loose heart again. That night the caresses had not meant anything, Celeborn had obviously not cared about him... It made Haldir fear that this would be similar ... that the other elf would behave just like Celeborn, kiss him and then leave, never looking back. Anxious and confused, Haldir hesitated, breaking the kiss not knowing what Elrohir wanted.
Elrohir caught Haldir's lips once more with his own, then pulling away. "Would you have me, Haldir?" He whispered huskily, moving to kiss his way along the other elf's jaw. "I am not the one you long for but... would you have me?"
Looking at Elrohir with eyes half closed, Haldir lifted both his hands to his face, stroking the dark hair away from his face and tucking it gently behind his ears. "I know you are not him, Elrohir. It would not be fair of me to use you as a substitute for another." He lifted his head to kiss the other tenderly, "I would have you now, if you would have me, although I am not your lost lover. Would you have me, Elrohir?"
His heart lightened a little at Haldir's eloquent words, his hands coming up to cup Haldir's face gently. "I would say the same to you as you have said to me." He replied softly. "I would have you, Haldir of Lothlorien." Closing the distance to press another kiss, this one slow and loving.
Haldir returned the kiss tenderly, feeling a wave of affection for the young elf lord wash over him.
Elrohir's eyes came open looking down at Haldir feeling his own heart stir with affection for him at the look there. It was not love, not in the way that he felt for Shadow and he knew that Haldir felt for another, ne not that, but it was something akin to it. Elrohir knew then in that moment that they would always be friends, even though he knew that this would not last as they were now. In the end they both loved another.
Looking into Elrohir's eyes, Haldir was moved to find his own newly found affection mirrored there. Closing his eyes, he kissed Elrohir again, //Oh Celeborn, it should have been you!// Showing the unwelcome thought back, he closed his eyes.
"Are you sure of this?" Elrohir asked softly, lips brushing against the soft skin of Haldir's neck. He would not if Haldir was not certain that this was what he wanted, he wanted it yes, but if Haldir did not...
Haldir's eyes darted open, unsure what Elrohir meant. "Do you not want to do this?" He asked gingerly, stroking his fingers through the silky dark hair that hung around them like a curtain, "I want to get to know you - but if it pains you we will not do this. What do you want, Elrohir?"
Elrohir smiled slightly. "I have already told you what I want." "I want you."
Lots of passionate lovemaking took place on the furs in the talan.
Letting his arms slip around Haldir as the elf dropped to the furs next to him, Elrohir turned his head enough to place a kiss on his forehead. He did not bother trying to say anything else, instead just holding Haldir and being held was enough for now. Fingers absently brushing slightly damp strands of hair from Haldir's face, Elrohir enjoyed the comforting warmth and pressure of having another near. That was something he missed almost more than anything else, simply having someone else near by.
Haldir felt a wave of tenderness flow over him as he looked into Elrohir's eyes. It had been so long since the last time he had shared his body with someone, he had almost forgotten this wonderful feeling of being so near somebody else. Enjoying the closeness and tender caresses, he snuggled tightly into Elrohir's arms, kissing his brows, eyelids, cheeks, nose, lips with feather light touches, sighing content.
A sweet little smile played across Elrohir's face at the tender kisses, his arms tightening around Haldir in response. "Thank you, Haldir." He whispered quietly after a little while had past, knowing the simple words were not enough to express what he was feeling and yet nothing better was coming to his mind. It would have to be enough at least for now. Elrohir hoped they could lay there for a little while longer - he listened to the sound of the wind in the trees and the birds that had long since woken up, but it was Haldir's heartbeat that was the sweetest music.
His body still limp, feeling utterly relaxed and content, Haldir was feeling drowsy, and nuzzling into Elrohir's face and hair, holding him tight, he began to doze off.
It was so easy to follow his new lover down that path, to let the cobwebs of sleep drift across his mind. Much easier than to think about anything else, but Elrohir stayed awake a little while longer staring up at the dappled sunlight visible on the outside of the tarplin. So it was that sleep crept up on him and dragged him under before he had even realized it. Leaving the two tangled in each other's arms once more, fast asleep.
Sometime later, Haldir awoke, and carefully, without waking his lover, he rose, dressed, and started taking the canvas down, letting the sunshine in. Seeing that the light stirred Elrohir, Haldir smiled tenderly at him and threw an apple at him. "Time to wake up you sleepy head", he grinned mischievously. "We only have fruit left, but you can eat when we get to the city. It will only take a couple of hours now, because we will go back to the road shortly, and then we can ride the rest of the way." Bending down to Elrohir, he stroke the disheveled dark hair away from his face and tucked it behind his ear, and stroke him affectionately on his cheek. Smiling, placing a light kiss on his forehead he pulled his hand. "Come on now, on your feet."
Laughing softly, Elrohir pulled Haldir down onto the furs next to himself, moving to catch his lips with a quite passionate kiss before pulling away. Kneeling next to him for a moment, fingers trailing along his face with a mirror caress. "I'll be ready in a few moments." He commented, moving to slip on his leggings. Slinging his pack over his shoulder, Elrohir picked up the few other things that were his, before disappearing over the side of the talan to take a quick dip in the stream before dressing.
Haldir appeared on the ground with the rest of their packs. "I need to wash too", he laughed, "you made me sticky." He joined Elrohir in the stream for a quick wash in the ice cold water, enjoying himself by splashing water on the other elf and getting soaked in return, before finally retreating to get dressed and making Nim ready for the travel.
Taking a little bit longer to dress Elrohir watched Haldir as he did so, finding that for the first time in many weeks he could not stop smiling. It was as if something had lightened in his soul, something that not even his brother had been able to lift - though Elladan's preoccupation with Glorfindel did not yet. Thinking over all that had happened Elrohir sighed softly, glancing up to find Haldir looking at him. Giving the other a smile, he tied his hair back again. Standing up, Elrohir picked up his pack once more walking over to greet Tel, giving her the rest of his apple. "Shall we be on our way then, Haldir?" He asked, an arm draped lightly over Tel's neck as he turned to look at the guardian. Moving away from the horse, he drew the other elf into his arms for a lingering kiss before he could reply, fingers running gently through Haldir's hair.
Returning the kiss and deepening it somewhat before pulling away, Haldir just smiled happily at him. "Yes, we should be on our way... that is, if I can take my eyes off you", he laughed, kissing Elrohir again. With yet another lingering kiss, ending in a tight hug, Haldir said softly: "I am glad I chose to follow you to the city." Not needing to say any more, he slowly pulled away from Elrohir, stroking his cheeks tenderly before finally returning to Nim.
Watching him go for a moment before forcing himself to turn away, still smiling, Elrohir ran a hand through his hair before he remembered he had already put it. Laughing quietly at his own stupidity, he pulled the thong from his hair tying it about his wrist, leaving his hair loose for the moment. He would put it up again before he greeted the Lord and Lady of the wood--or who so ever should choose to greet him. For now it mattered not, least of all to him. Brushing his fingers along Tel's silky coat, he gave her a hug wishing it was Haldir he was hugging, before he even realized that it had not been Shadow he had thought of this time. Putting the nagging out of his mind Elrohir was determined to keep his happy mood. If Shadow could just up and leave him without so much as saying a proper good bye or giving him a good reason - or the chance to come with him, then he could have his fun. So pushing Shadow from his mind as well, Elrohir let Haldir lead the way as they left the happy little place behind, he found he wished they could stay there longer.
(This chapter had originally contained stricktly adult situations, and has been cencored and mutilated to be posted on ff.net. The cuts are visible in the middle. For the original adult chapter, see Authors Notes in Default Chapter.)
The sunrays flickering through the leaves above, penetrated the cracks in the canvas and tickled Haldir's nose. Slowly he opened his eyes a little, only to look into the sleeping face of another a mere inch away, snuggled closely into his arms, holding him tight. Closing his eyes again, still not quite awake, he lay for a moment, feeling the soft breath on his face and warm skin tight against his own bare chest. Relishing the feeling of another body so close to him, he snuggled closer, not wanting to wake up.
Elrohir did not want to wake. His dreams had taken him back to before he had woken up, before the letter - before Shadow had left him. For a while the night forgotten, the rain having cleaned it though the pain in the soul would still remain. He snuggled closer to Haldir with a soft sigh trying to cling to sleep.
Haldir's pleasant dreams had centered around Celeborn as always, and in his still dreamy state, feeling arms pulling him close, lips almost touching - he unconsciously pressed against the other, nipping at the soft lips, not opening his eyes.
"Shadow..." Elrohir murmured the name softly not even realizing it was not his lover in his arms nor remembering that he was no longer even in Imladris. He caught the gentle lips so near his own in a deep passionate kiss.
Already slightly aroused due to his dream, Haldir responded just as passionately to the deep kiss, letting the other's tongue explore his mouth. //Oh, my love Celeborn//
Elrohir groaned softly into the kiss, keeping the kiss going for a while longer, eyes still glazed with sleep, though wakefulness was slowly coming over him. At last he pulled away sighing softly, hand coming up to cares a soft cheek, his eyes coming up as it slipped back into long hair instead of short locks. "Haldir?" He whispered softly, slowly closing his eyes fighting back the disappointment that threatened to overload the temporary sense of balance he had found.
Hearing his name, Haldir slowly realized this was not Celeborn's voice. Opening his eyes, he found himself looking into Elrohir's grey eyes. Uncomprehending, utterly confused, he let go of the other, slowly untangling his legs and arms. Amidst the bewilderment and disappointment, he realized Elrohir looked sad, and gingerly he stroke the hair away from the other's face, shaking his head slowly, blushing embarrassed, not knowing what to say or do.
"I am sorry, Haldir." Elrohir said softly, looking away from Haldir. "Forgive me, I should not have done that." He pulled away a little staring towards the sunlight that filtered through the forest outside just visible beneath the edge of the tarp. He had wished it had been Shadow, had thought it was - to find Haldir there had made him feel sad and foolish at the same time.
Haldir shook his head again. "Do not apologize. I am the one to blame. I dreamt of my love, and half asleep I confused him with you. I am sorry, I should not have done this." Still confused he looked at Elrohir. "Did I make you sad? I am so sorry."
Elrohir glanced back at him, "It was not your fault, I do believe I was the one who kissed you first." He said quietly, reaching up to touch Haldir's cheek softly. "I too had a dream." He admitted, "It was not you who made me remember, but myself."
"Then we are both equally miserable," Haldir said, silently. "I can see that you are sad and disappointed I was not the one you dreamt of. I felt the same way. Now I suppose we will become as unhappy as we were last night." Remembering what had transpired during the night, he closed his eyes a little, lifting a hand to close it around Elrohir's, keeping it there.
Turning his hand to tightening it around Haldir's, Elrohir turned to face him fully once more. "Then perhaps we should not think of that which plagues us but something else." He commented softly, "There is no forgetting, but for a time one can choose not to remember."
"I want to stop remembering," Haldir whispered, "but I do not know how." He looked at Elrohir with eyes dark from sadness, and slowly turned his head to let his lips graze Elrohir's fingertips resting on his cheek.
He almost could not stand to see his own feelings mirrored in Haldir's eyes - it was more an impulse that took over as Elrohir moved closer once more to catch Haldir's lips with his own, this time on purpose. "Then close your eyes, and imagine that it is he with you instead of I." He whispered breaking the kiss after a moment, body pressing closer to Haldir's again.
Looking deep into Elrohir's eyes, Haldir understood what he meant. The kiss reminded him again of the happiness he had felt in his dreamy state, making him want to return there. He could tell Elrohir having the same need. Gently he brought his lips to Elrohir's, brushing them, before capturing them in a long kiss, wrapping his arms around him.
Letting his eyes slide almost all the way closed Elrohir could almost do as he had said - imagine that it was not Haldir. Yet it felt almost wrong to do so.
Seeing Elrohir's response to his kiss, made Haldir remember the passionate embrace they had shared in their dream. It had been so long since he had shared his body with another, pining after Celeborn. The combination of the dream, his state of mind, the warm touches of skin on his body and the eager state of the other, made his body yearn for contact, and he sought Elrohir's lips again.
The light touches of Elrohir's fingers tingled along his skin, and made his pulse go faster. In a fleeting moment Haldir remembered similar touches and feelings just a few nights before, and that almost made him loose heart again. That night the caresses had not meant anything, Celeborn had obviously not cared about him... It made Haldir fear that this would be similar ... that the other elf would behave just like Celeborn, kiss him and then leave, never looking back. Anxious and confused, Haldir hesitated, breaking the kiss not knowing what Elrohir wanted.
Elrohir caught Haldir's lips once more with his own, then pulling away. "Would you have me, Haldir?" He whispered huskily, moving to kiss his way along the other elf's jaw. "I am not the one you long for but... would you have me?"
Looking at Elrohir with eyes half closed, Haldir lifted both his hands to his face, stroking the dark hair away from his face and tucking it gently behind his ears. "I know you are not him, Elrohir. It would not be fair of me to use you as a substitute for another." He lifted his head to kiss the other tenderly, "I would have you now, if you would have me, although I am not your lost lover. Would you have me, Elrohir?"
His heart lightened a little at Haldir's eloquent words, his hands coming up to cup Haldir's face gently. "I would say the same to you as you have said to me." He replied softly. "I would have you, Haldir of Lothlorien." Closing the distance to press another kiss, this one slow and loving.
Haldir returned the kiss tenderly, feeling a wave of affection for the young elf lord wash over him.
Elrohir's eyes came open looking down at Haldir feeling his own heart stir with affection for him at the look there. It was not love, not in the way that he felt for Shadow and he knew that Haldir felt for another, ne not that, but it was something akin to it. Elrohir knew then in that moment that they would always be friends, even though he knew that this would not last as they were now. In the end they both loved another.
Looking into Elrohir's eyes, Haldir was moved to find his own newly found affection mirrored there. Closing his eyes, he kissed Elrohir again, //Oh Celeborn, it should have been you!// Showing the unwelcome thought back, he closed his eyes.
"Are you sure of this?" Elrohir asked softly, lips brushing against the soft skin of Haldir's neck. He would not if Haldir was not certain that this was what he wanted, he wanted it yes, but if Haldir did not...
Haldir's eyes darted open, unsure what Elrohir meant. "Do you not want to do this?" He asked gingerly, stroking his fingers through the silky dark hair that hung around them like a curtain, "I want to get to know you - but if it pains you we will not do this. What do you want, Elrohir?"
Elrohir smiled slightly. "I have already told you what I want." "I want you."
Lots of passionate lovemaking took place on the furs in the talan.
Letting his arms slip around Haldir as the elf dropped to the furs next to him, Elrohir turned his head enough to place a kiss on his forehead. He did not bother trying to say anything else, instead just holding Haldir and being held was enough for now. Fingers absently brushing slightly damp strands of hair from Haldir's face, Elrohir enjoyed the comforting warmth and pressure of having another near. That was something he missed almost more than anything else, simply having someone else near by.
Haldir felt a wave of tenderness flow over him as he looked into Elrohir's eyes. It had been so long since the last time he had shared his body with someone, he had almost forgotten this wonderful feeling of being so near somebody else. Enjoying the closeness and tender caresses, he snuggled tightly into Elrohir's arms, kissing his brows, eyelids, cheeks, nose, lips with feather light touches, sighing content.
A sweet little smile played across Elrohir's face at the tender kisses, his arms tightening around Haldir in response. "Thank you, Haldir." He whispered quietly after a little while had past, knowing the simple words were not enough to express what he was feeling and yet nothing better was coming to his mind. It would have to be enough at least for now. Elrohir hoped they could lay there for a little while longer - he listened to the sound of the wind in the trees and the birds that had long since woken up, but it was Haldir's heartbeat that was the sweetest music.
His body still limp, feeling utterly relaxed and content, Haldir was feeling drowsy, and nuzzling into Elrohir's face and hair, holding him tight, he began to doze off.
It was so easy to follow his new lover down that path, to let the cobwebs of sleep drift across his mind. Much easier than to think about anything else, but Elrohir stayed awake a little while longer staring up at the dappled sunlight visible on the outside of the tarplin. So it was that sleep crept up on him and dragged him under before he had even realized it. Leaving the two tangled in each other's arms once more, fast asleep.
Sometime later, Haldir awoke, and carefully, without waking his lover, he rose, dressed, and started taking the canvas down, letting the sunshine in. Seeing that the light stirred Elrohir, Haldir smiled tenderly at him and threw an apple at him. "Time to wake up you sleepy head", he grinned mischievously. "We only have fruit left, but you can eat when we get to the city. It will only take a couple of hours now, because we will go back to the road shortly, and then we can ride the rest of the way." Bending down to Elrohir, he stroke the disheveled dark hair away from his face and tucked it behind his ear, and stroke him affectionately on his cheek. Smiling, placing a light kiss on his forehead he pulled his hand. "Come on now, on your feet."
Laughing softly, Elrohir pulled Haldir down onto the furs next to himself, moving to catch his lips with a quite passionate kiss before pulling away. Kneeling next to him for a moment, fingers trailing along his face with a mirror caress. "I'll be ready in a few moments." He commented, moving to slip on his leggings. Slinging his pack over his shoulder, Elrohir picked up the few other things that were his, before disappearing over the side of the talan to take a quick dip in the stream before dressing.
Haldir appeared on the ground with the rest of their packs. "I need to wash too", he laughed, "you made me sticky." He joined Elrohir in the stream for a quick wash in the ice cold water, enjoying himself by splashing water on the other elf and getting soaked in return, before finally retreating to get dressed and making Nim ready for the travel.
Taking a little bit longer to dress Elrohir watched Haldir as he did so, finding that for the first time in many weeks he could not stop smiling. It was as if something had lightened in his soul, something that not even his brother had been able to lift - though Elladan's preoccupation with Glorfindel did not yet. Thinking over all that had happened Elrohir sighed softly, glancing up to find Haldir looking at him. Giving the other a smile, he tied his hair back again. Standing up, Elrohir picked up his pack once more walking over to greet Tel, giving her the rest of his apple. "Shall we be on our way then, Haldir?" He asked, an arm draped lightly over Tel's neck as he turned to look at the guardian. Moving away from the horse, he drew the other elf into his arms for a lingering kiss before he could reply, fingers running gently through Haldir's hair.
Returning the kiss and deepening it somewhat before pulling away, Haldir just smiled happily at him. "Yes, we should be on our way... that is, if I can take my eyes off you", he laughed, kissing Elrohir again. With yet another lingering kiss, ending in a tight hug, Haldir said softly: "I am glad I chose to follow you to the city." Not needing to say any more, he slowly pulled away from Elrohir, stroking his cheeks tenderly before finally returning to Nim.
Watching him go for a moment before forcing himself to turn away, still smiling, Elrohir ran a hand through his hair before he remembered he had already put it. Laughing quietly at his own stupidity, he pulled the thong from his hair tying it about his wrist, leaving his hair loose for the moment. He would put it up again before he greeted the Lord and Lady of the wood--or who so ever should choose to greet him. For now it mattered not, least of all to him. Brushing his fingers along Tel's silky coat, he gave her a hug wishing it was Haldir he was hugging, before he even realized that it had not been Shadow he had thought of this time. Putting the nagging out of his mind Elrohir was determined to keep his happy mood. If Shadow could just up and leave him without so much as saying a proper good bye or giving him a good reason - or the chance to come with him, then he could have his fun. So pushing Shadow from his mind as well, Elrohir let Haldir lead the way as they left the happy little place behind, he found he wished they could stay there longer.
