Part 5 - By the city gate


For the first time in many years, Haldir's heart had felt so light. He had not wanted to think about his troubles, not wanting to destroy his happiness. On their walk through the forest they had talked and laughed, and when they led their horses out of the thick underbrush onto the road again, they had stopped and kissed each other tenderly, bestowing gentle caresses upon each other, lingering touches, before mounting their horses. But as they neared the city of Caras Galadhorn, his heart fell and his thoughts were in turmoil, almost made him want to turn and ride into the forest again with Elrohir, back to their talan.

What would he do when they reached the city? Protocol demanded that he followed the guest up to the reception hall in the large talan, and announced him for the Lord and Lady, and it was his duty to stay there until dismissed, or until he would follow the guest down again. He would have to see Celeborn again, look into those pale blue eyes, and know... Oh, what a fool he had been! The way he had behaved, all the hopes he had build up... Celeborn had just teased him with all his caresses, he had just felt lonely! The next day this lover had arrived, and Haldir had meant nothing. That kiss in the forest... just kissing him and leaving him standing there - like a fool... getting his hopes up for nothing, and then breaking his heart with this new lover... //Oh, I have been such a fool!//

Haldir was certain Celeborn had not meant for him to take it that way, he was a gentle man and would never hurt him knowingly... something stirred in his heart at that thought. But still - it had served to show him how hopeless his whole situation had been. Celeborn had never - and would never - love a simple guard. As simple as that. Oh, but to look into those light blue eyes again - he feared it, dreaded it, not knowing how he would react - would he be able to stay in control?.

He had spent so many lonely years as Celeborn's guard, watching him, pining for him, never allowing himself to find the love of others, ever wretched, ever miserable. But Elrohir... sweet, funny Elrohir... had touched something in him - something he did not know was there.

Haldir had not meant to become so taken with Elrohir, he knew that they had just been comforting each other, to start the much needed healing of their hearts, but there was something special about this son of Elrond... Elrohir had been so kind to him, so gentle, so caring... He was such a sweet person, young, fresh, lively - who else would climb a treetop during a thunderstorm - and so beautiful; almost exotic - with that dark hair, a colour unseen in Lorien. Memories of him from the same morning filled his head - when he had lain nude before him, the pale skin glowing with heat, the dark hair spread out around his head, the beautiful flushed face, eyes dark with passion, those wanton lips - he had looked so trusting, yet so vulnerable in his state of total abandon - there was something so incredibly sweet about that, it had touched his heart in that moment and stayed there.

He turned his head and looked at the young, dark-haired elf riding by his side, and felt a stir of tenderness in his heart, spreading through his body, making him smile... making him want to reach out and touch him, to love him... made him hope that even he, Haldir the simple guardian, perhaps one day might have a love of his own...

Torn between thoughts of happiness and heartbreak, Haldir sighed heavily, and looked down to the forest floor, covered in golden leaves.


Maneuvering Tel closer, Elrohir slipped his arms gently around Haldir for a few moments, arms tightening gently around him before he was forced to let go as the two horses pulled away again. His fingers brushing gently across Haldir's hand as he did so, no words were said, though Elrohir could sense that the mood had changed from the lightness that had been there at the beginning. Indeed he could feel his own mood changing a little, but it was so easy to simply push it aside to force himself to worry about someone else instead. Haldir presented him with that option, a distraction from his own thoughts. It had been long enough now that he was used to hiding what he felt, what worried him. Only those who knew him well enough would notice.

Haldir captured Elrohir's hand before the horses moved further apart, and brought it to his lips, kissing the fingers gently, then letting it go. Turning to look at Elrohir, he sensed that he, too, was growing more serious. He moved Nim closer again, and stroke his hand tenderly along the young elf's cheek. "You seem to be worried, Elrohir. Are you not looking forward to meeting your grandparents again?"
He felt a pang of anxiety by the thought, and dropped his hand down to his side.

"Tis nothing." Elrohir replied easily, giving Haldir a little smile. Tempted to reach out and take the guardian's hand again as soon as his own was dropped, but he did not do it this time. Instead this time bringing both of his own back to Tel's mane, twisting his fingers through the course dark hairs. "We will be there soon will we not?" He asked after a moment, noting Haldir's added tension, wondering what it was related to, yet not daring to ask.

"Yes, we are almost there - look through those trees - that is the city gate. In five minutes we will be inside." Haldir halted Nim, and dismounted. "Let us walk the last minutes. This is our last opportunity to be alone." Haldir looked up at Elrohir, his eyes almost begging.

Elrohir simply nodded, gently pulling Tel to a stop before slipping off of the mare's back, offering Haldir his hand. His fingers brushing gently along Haldir's thigh for a moment. "Walk with me?" He asked with a tired little smile.

Without speaking, Haldir embraced Elrohir, capturing his lips in a kiss, long and tender, graduately deepening, holding him tightly. Finally he broke the kiss and buried his face deep into the curve between shoulder and neck - just stood there, holding him close, savouring the smell of him, stroking his fingers through his hair. He wished he could stay like that forever, not wanting to move, or let go of Elrohir - not knowing if he would ever get the chance to hold him again.

Returning the embrace will equal force, Elrohir did not want it to end, did not want to enter the city right then, knowing that for all intents and purposes he would most likely be left alone to his thoughts once more. It was much easier to simply slip into the past, to forget the present and what had happened that way. Yet now he had a new memory to carry with him, and he was not sure how to interpret what had happened. Yes he still loved Shadow, knew that Haldir still loved another and yet... He kissed Haldir's jaw gently.

Finally, not letting go of Elrohir, Haldir murmured softly: "I do not know what will happen to us when we arrive. You will go to your grandparents, and I will go to my talan. Tomorrow I probably must go back to my post, unless the guard rotation is changed. What will you be doing during your stay? Will I see you again?" The last words had a tinge of despair. Elrohir would become the lord again, moving in circles where Haldir the guard had no access. The thought of returning to his lonely life, only catching glimpses of this young, wonderful elf frightened him, and he held him even closer, pressing his face into his hair.

"Can you stay?" Elrohir asked quietly, glad he did not have to meet Haldir's gaze. "I am sure it can be arranged that you stay at least for a little while... I... I would like your company for a little while longer if it is possible. I do not know what I will be doing, perhaps I will help out a little, then we may spend more time together, I know you have need of any who are willing to help." Elrohir rested his head on Haldir's shoulder, never wanting to let go.

Elrohir's response made Haldir's heart jump - perhaps there was a chance that the young lord wanted to be with him after all? Feeling his eyes suddenly grow moist with emotion, he closed them tightly and nuzzled into Elrohir's hair. He did not understand his own reactions - why was he feeling so emotional? This was not Haldir the warrior. Waiting a little, to find his voice again, he finally whispered: "I would like that very much, lord Elrohir. If there is any chance of changing my watches, I will do it." Hesitantly, frightened of the response he would receive, he added slowly: "Would you like to come and visit me in my talan this evening? Then we could discuss it more."

"The pleasure would be mine, Haldir." Elrohir answered, smiling to the wind and the trees. He wondered if he was using Haldir to distract himself from his thoughts and yet... Elrohir thought he heard and saw some of his own need in Haldir... No, he was not using the other, they were here, and they both knew the reasons why they were here, why they were together in the first place. It did not hurt to find comfort where one could get it, especially when it was needed for both of them. "Thank you Haldir."

Sighing, Haldir began to disentangle himself from Elrohir's hair. He was glad that Elrohir would come to visit him, that thought would help him get through the ordeal he was about to face when he had to take Elrohir up to meet his Lord. He knew not what he would do about the watches though - he would probably need to persuade one of his brothers.

He kissed Elrohir a last time, deep and passionate, holding him tight. Then he straightened his head and looked him in the eyes: "My talan lies near the city wall, not far from the guardroom. Just pass the large fountain and follow the little creek, then you will find it. I will talk to my brothers about the watches, and see what can be arranged. Now I must escort you up to the reception hall where you will meet the Lord and the Lady." With a loving look, he kissed Elrohir lightly on the tip of his nose.

Returning the look for a moment before kissing Haldir gently on the lips, Elrohir nodded. "I can find my way, and if not, someone should know where the beautiful Guardian of the Wood lives." He smiled slightly, fingers caressing Haldir's face lovingly. "And what time should I come?" Elrohir asked quietly, reluctant to pull away.

Leaning into the touch, Haldir could not resist nipping Elrohir's lips again - they were so tempting and tasted so good. He felt like a young elfling saying goodbye to his lover, never wanting to let go - and smiled a little to himself at that thought - knowing the moment they entered the city gates he would be the guard and Elrohir the lord, and it would be unseemly of them to behave this way - at least in public. Not able to take his mouth away from the sweet lips he murmured into them: "Come as soon as you can. I will be there."

Elrohir smiled. "I will," he answered kissing Haldir again before reluctantly pulling away from those warm, protective arms with a sigh. "Come, Haldir of Lothlorien, before we can not leave each others arms." Elrohir blushed slightly at his own words, leaning against Tel.

"Yes, you are right," Haldir smiled slightly, enjoying the light blush on Elrohir's face, thinking there was nothing he wanted more right then than to 'not' be able to leave his arms. Taking Elrohir's hand in his, he gently urged Nim along, intending to hold his hand until they entered the city gate.

Giving the hand a squeeze, it was comforting to know that he was not alone. Not that he was really worried about meeting the Lord and the Lady, but it was more that Shadow kept coming back to his mind more often than not. Elrohir locked the thoughts away effectively, knowing now was not the time for such things, perhaps later. But later was Haldir's time - Elrohir looked forward to that more than he dared admit even to himself.